Maria was jostled awake when the truck changed gear, rattling the cab around her. Cracking an eye, she slowly absorbed her surroundings. The truck was rolling along a tree-lined roadway that was relatively clear of traffic and she was tucked in against a warm shoulder that smelled strongly of Andrew. She fought her immediate instinct to pull away and instead, allowed herself to enjoy the moment.

“You’re awake huh?” the arm rumbled as its owner chuckled. “You’ve been out like a light for ages.”

“It’s been a busy day,” she muttered as she sat upright and stretched. “Where are we?”

“We drove past a town called Gerolstein about thirty minutes ago, we’re maybe twenty miles from the Belgian border.”

“That close already? I’m about done with Germany.”

“Plenty more Germans though sadly,” Matheson pointed out. “One hundred and twenty or so miles through Belgium, mostly the Ardennes Forest, then another hundred to the French coast. Then we have to work out what we’re going to do once we get there.”

“You haven't already worked this out and planned every detail in minutia?”

Matheson shook his head and smiled. “I thought for a change we could just make this one up as we go.”

“Ah, he finally admits it's all a bunch of tosh,” Maria rolled her eyes. “We're all bloody lost, might as well head back to the camp and admit defeat.”

“God I hate it when mom and dad fight,” Down gagged from behind the wheel.

“Sure it beats you goin' on about how great ye are.” Hamley offered leaning through the cab window from the rear cargo area. “Anyone woulda thought you were winnin’ the war single-handed.”

“Look, we gotta have at least one of us that will look good in the papers after all this is done,” the American grinned. “I strike a rather more dashing figure than you, old man.”

“We can fix that old boy,” Maddox called from somewhere in the back of the truck.

Maria smiled to herself as the men argued back and forth. The group had always been close during their time at the camp, but now, it felt like a real family. They were from such different worlds and yet they all shared a common experience. It was one that had bonded them in ways that conflict alone might not have. She certainly considered them her brothers almost as much as her flesh and blood siblings back home in England. She did wonder how the others saw her though. The rest of the group had stopped treating her strangely after that first day and for that, she was eternally grateful. It seemed as though for the time being at least they had forgotten her past and were content to treat her as she appeared. She knew that Andrew saw her as a woman and his kiss had confirmed as much. Perhaps that wasn’t a sibling connection she felt in his case.

As they drove through the Eifel countryside, she allowed herself to lean back against Andrew’s arm. The simple physical contact with him felt pleasant and comforting in a world of such turmoil. Maria wasn’t certain how to feel about her growing interest in him. Having any sort of interest in a man at all felt sinful and wrong to her still. Perhaps it was a hangover from her upbringing, she reasoned. Somewhere deep inside her, a small voice called her all of the slurs her bullies had used in school. That same voice told her she was meant to be trying harder to be a man.

While physically she was now far from simply male, she did question whether the chicken had come before the egg when it came to her feelings. Did what had happened to her body conform her more to her already feminine mind or did she modify her mind to cope with the changes happening to her body? It was a difficult question to answer and one that she suspected wouldn’t be answered satisfactorily for some time.

The truth of the moment was that it did not matter which had come first: This was what she was now, and she was becoming increasingly comfortable with the changes that had occurred. Her body felt more fitting to her heart and her mind. Suddenly things that had been so difficult for her before felt so fluid and simple. She was able to relax and simply live without feeling as though life took a concerted effort; her interaction with the men was proving that unequivocally; she was capable of actually befriending men now, whereas before she had always been awkward and uncertain.

At home in England, she had never really had much interest in girls. She had been told by society and her peers that she was meant to find them attractive, that she would marry one and make lots of babies. The truth was that she didn’t want to and never really had; it was a relief to admit that. Now, she was beginning to feel things that were in entirely new territory for her; attraction. If she was truly a woman, then her growing feelings were natural and normal. To find a man’s scent and the firmness of his muscles alluring was acceptable. Maria closed her eyes and took a deep breath before regretfully sitting back upright. Whatever she felt had to wait; this wasn’t the time or place to cross that particular bridge.

The rolling countryside began to become more heavily wooded as they drew closer to the Belgian border. Far from major routes, the traffic was lighter and largely civilian in composition meaning that their progress was relatively unhindered as they rolled westward.

The group’s arrival at the Belgian border was a significant letdown. Tension had been growing as they drew closer to the international border, unsure of what to expect upon their arrival. It was greatly anticlimatic, only for the German checkpoint at the bridge to Steinebrück to simply wave them across without a second glance. The Belgian side was entirely unmanned.

All wanted to celebrate the moment; they had left Germany. It did mark a significant milestone in their escape but they were, however, not under any illusion that it meant that they were now any safer across this line on a map. They still had a great distance to cover in entirely enemy-occupied territory and were still very much at risk of being shot as spies.

They drove on until the early evening, finally stopping in the town of Huy. It was situated south of the city of Liége, perched along the banks of the Meuse river. It was agreed that they would rest for the night before moving on the following day to reach their next milestone; the French Border. Military traffic had grown significantly heavier as they had pressed onward into the occupied territories and it had become more important to avoid the major cities and buildups as they traveled onward.

They found rooms at a pleasant but modest hotel near the center of town for the evening. The staff gave them a stark reminder that they were now in the occupied territories. Whereas in Germany, their uniforms had endeared people towards them; they had been fellow countrymen. Here in Belgium, they were a sign of the invading power. As much as they wished to cast off the disguises and present themselves as civilians, it was still far too necessary to maintain their ruse to allow for free movement. It was their first taste of the occupied territories since their departure from the camp and it reminded them that they needed to be on far greater guard now than ever before. From now on, enemies would be on all sides; their uniforms keeping them safe and also putting them in great danger. Belgium and soon France would pose significant new challenges they were only just beginning to understand.

 

 

“I think that somehow I preferred Germany,” Maddox observed quietly as they sat around a table at a riverfront restaurant on the Meuse. Their short walk from the hotel had been met with a mixture of passive-aggressive hostility and indifference from the Belgian locals and it had left the group in a far darker mood than they had felt since crossing over the border.

Maria sipped her wine and nodded. “I do get the distinct impression we’re not welcome here. It’s not entirely surprising, but it’s certainly unpleasant. I really want out of this bloody uniform.”

Matheson grimaced and nodded, “Not long now; we’ll likely ditch this mess once we’re over the French border, should be easier for us to move then.”

“Can’t be soon enough,” Hamley added. “I’m tired of gettin’ these funny looks. I just want tae tell them I’m on their bloody side.”

“Any idea what we’re going to do when we get to France? I get the impression we’re going to be so close but so far,” Maddox inquired of his friend.

“Not sure old chap, but I suspect we can tea leaf a boat and hop over the channel easily enough from somewhere quiet. Krauts don’t control that yet as far as I know.”

The group’s conversation switched back to German as the waitstaff brought out their meals and all conversation about their plans was shelved until they could guarantee greater privacy. The food was simple but filling; cabbage, potato, and pork shoulder. Once again Maria was well aware that their full bellies might only last as far as their arrival home. They had eaten far better since their escape than they had during their entire incarceration, and certainly better than their time in England.

Not wishing to risk overstaying their welcome and risking any unnecessary exposure, they made their way back to the hotel in smaller groups. There was a palpable sense of tension and excitement bubbling under the surface that could derail their plans if they acted too rashly. Better to keep their heads down and remain vigilant than relax so close to safety.

Maria had lagged behind when the group had left the restaurant. Andrew had tried to stay with her but she had insisted on doing this by herself. Time alone was something she had not experienced a great deal of since her incarceration and its precious few moments allowed her time to think. God knows, she needed to think.

As she strolled along the riverbank, she allowed herself a moment to simply exist. Back in England, life would be chaotic and the war would be on once again. She knew she wasn’t ready to confront what she would face upon her return. It would be unpleasant and likely uncomfortable, but here in occupied Belgium, she was given a brief stay of execution. Here she could take a moment to be alive; she wasn’t… whatever she was. Here she could simply be a woman called Maria Horler, or was it Maria Campbell?

Despite the German occupation, the civilians were still going about their business and living their daily lives. Men and women walked past her, non giving her more than a second glance. Admittedly most of those glances were less than pleasant given her uniform, but she didn’t blame them for that.

Walking alone here along the river gave her a greater appreciation for her situation. Less than a week ago she had been, technically, a male prisoner of war incarcerated in the heart of Germany. She accepted the fact now that she hadn’t been truly male in a long time, months perhaps. Despite her own feelings on the matter, she had clung to what others had wanted for her, what others had decided was correct because it was easier than accepting that she was different.

Doctor Muller had been right she realized. She hadn’t been ready to hear what the man had tried to tell her. She deeply regretted that she wasn’t able to save him. What had happened to him was a travesty. That man had never harmed a soul, German or not, he was a healer, a good man. He didn’t deserve to die in his own blood.

She had told herself at first that this version of herself was merely a disguise; a way to help them reach freedom. It hadn’t taken long for her to realize the true weight of what she was doing. Taking on the mantle of Maria had opened her eyes to the world as it should be. Being Maria wasn’t a disguise anymore, it was the removal of one.

She didn’t understand the medical science behind what had occurred but she knew that it was her reality now. She had changed far more in the camp than she had appreciated at the time. So focused was she on what she should be rather than what she was, that it had blinded her to the growing truth. Here, walking along the Meuse River she couldn’t deny that to all observers, she appeared to be a normal young woman.

Maria paused and leaned against a railing and gazed out over the water. She wasn’t ready to say that she was female, perhaps that was a step too soon. She was certainly happier here than she ever had been. Of course, that would change when she returned to England when life resumed and she found a place in it.

For now, though, Maria Campbell could exist, for a brief moment, unencumbered by expectations. Who she was, she was beginning to understand. What she was still felt like a mystery to her. She knew this form felt more comfortable, how people related to her. Naming it felt premature.

“Belgium truly is a beautiful part of the world,” a German voice announced from behind her.

Maria started and turned to see a tall blonde man in a German Captain’s uniform smiling in her direction.

“A little flat for my taste, but it holds a certain timeless energy,” the man smiled offering Maria his hand. “Hauptmann Johan Schmitt, Frau Oberleutnant?”

Maria took the hand gently and smiled, “Horler, Maria Horler, Hauptmann, can I help you?”

The captain shook his head and gazed out across the river. “No, not at all. I saw you standing here alone and you looked, if I might say, conflicted?”

The man’s expression was soft and genuine, she couldn’t detect any ulterior motive, not that she was an expert in the matter. Maria decided to offer a form of the truth.

“I must admit I am in fact conflicted, Herr Schmitt. I have a great deal on my mind and decisions to make about the future.”

Schmitt nodded and didn’t pry. “We all have our fears, these are uncertain times.”

Maria regarded the man for a moment. He was tall, nearly a foot taller than her own height and well-built. His blonde hair was short but neat and parted over his left eye. She suddenly realized with a mixture of fear and trepidation that she found this man attractive.

“I was walking back to my hotel Herr Hauptmann, perhaps I was lost in thought.”

Schmitt bowed his head. “Would the Fraulein accept my escort? These are not entirely safe streets for a lady.”

Maria seemed uncertain but the German held up his hands. “I have no ulterior motive Fraulein, I promise. I just wish to see you safely back to your accommodations.”

Maria considered the man’s offer for a moment before reluctantly nodding. “Thank you, Herr Schmitt, I would accept.”

Maria began walking and the German fell in beside her as they made their way slowly back up into the town.

“You said you found Belgium too flat?” Maria asked, glancing across at Schmitt. “Where is home?”

“I am from the Schwarzwald, Bad Liebenzell to be precise. It is a little more hilly than the flatlands of Belgium.”

“Bavaria, Regensburg,” Maria offered, considering the place to be far enough away from the Captain’s home and arguably, the place of her birth.

Schmitt nodded. “Beautiful there, you have family at home?”

“My parents, a sister, and two brothers.”

“My father died in the Der Große Krieg, My mother raised my sisters and I by herself.” Schmitt offered a slight quirk of his lip indicating it wasn’t a new story.

“I’m very sorry, do you miss them?”

Schmitt nodded, “Very much. My sisters have all flown the coop and married, my mother lives with my wife and children in Stuttgart. She finds walking a little difficult these days.”

Maria realized the man’s intentions had indeed been pure and warmed to him significantly.

“You remind me of my youngest sister,” he continued with a chuckle. “She was always a thinker. She would wander off into the forest and draw for hours. I always told her she would be eaten by wolves but she never wanted to listen to Big Brother.”

“So the Belgians, they are the wolves?” Maria quirked an eyebrow.

Schmitt shook his head, as they waited for several trucks to pass heading westward. “The frightened hound is more likely to lash out after you strike him with a cane than if you treat him to steak. Wolves? No, but we have pushed these people very hard.”

Maria nodded and was about to reply when she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. A small child was teetering across the street, her mother caught in conversation with a friend on the far side of the road, unaware of her daughter’s bid for freedom.

One truck swerved past the girl, its horn blaring before Maria could react. Without thinking, she darted out into the roadway and scooped the child up in her arms. Shielding the toddler with her body, she turned away from the next vehicle barreling down upon them.

There was a scream of brakes and sliding tires but the impact she was expecting never came. Slowly opening her eyes, Maria glanced around cautiously; the street was at a standstill. Pedestrians and soldiers alike were frozen, staring at her cradling the young girl in her arms.

Slowly standing up she checked over the young girl, relieved to find her entirely unhurt.

“You are not hurt?” she asked softly in the little French she knew.

The little girl nodded shyly, turning pink. Maria smiled and straightened her coat. The girl’s mother rushed over and swept the child up in her arms, a look of panic and joy on her features to find her daughter safe. She looked at Maria, for the first time recognizing her Luftwaffe uniform and appeared conflicted for a second. Her parental instincts seemed to take over and she smiled slightly and nodded her thanks before turning and rushing away.

A vehicle door slammed open and the sharp slapping sounds of leather on cobblestone indicated someone coming towards her quickly. “What the hell is going on here? Why are you stopping my trucks?”

A shorter bald-headed man in the uniform of an unterfeldwebel or sergeant, stood redfaced, his hands on his gunbelt. The man’s bluster seemed to pale when Maria turned around.

“Frau Oberleutnant I’m sorry,” the man spluttered. “My apologies for my tone.”

Maria regarded the man cooly. “And your drivers are in the habit of carelessly running down small children?”

“I’m sorry Frau Oberleutnant, They’ll be more careful.” the sergeant replied nervously, glancing at the cab of the now idling truck. The man’s eyes returned to Maria before growing wider yet as Schmitt appeared beside her.

“Your unit, Unterfeldwebel?”

“Three hundred and forty-first transport corps Herr Hauptmann.”

“Carry on, and heed the Frau Oberleutnant. Have your men drive with more due care.”

The Sergeant snapped a nazi salute and vanished back down the line of vehicles.

Maria stepped out of the roadway with Schmitt and placed her hand on her heart, feeling it thump against her ribcage.

“That was quite dramatic,” The German grinned. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a jumped-up little toad like him backpedal so quickly.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Maria sighed. “I just saw the little girl and I had to do something.”

Schmitt nodded as they began walking once more. “Remember what I was saying about canes and steak? That was most certainly steak.”

“Are your rations that poor?” Maria asked glancing across at the man.

“No,” he chuckled. “You put yourself at risk to save that little Belgian girl. The people who saw the German woman put herself in danger to protect the kinder. It’s moments like that which remind them that we are not their enemy.”

“We are not?”

“A means to an end,” Hauptmann Schmitt admitted. “With how the French built up the Maginot line we had little choice.”

Maria held her tongue. For a brief moment, she had considered the man different, unique but he was at his core a German soldier. To borrow the man’s metaphor, even a wolf could wag his tail, she reminded herself.

Changing the subject, she nodded at the man’s insignia on his cap. “I don’t recognize your unit badge, who are you with?”

Schmitt smiled and ran a finger over the insignia. “Aufklärungs-Abteilung 4, Reconnaissance Battalion.”

“Is there much to Recconoitre in France?”

Schmitt smiled, “We were shipped up here for Operation Sea Lion; the Invasion of England. When Command put that on indefinite hold in September we’ve been sat here spinning our heels. There’s talk of us heading to Poland soon for an unspecified onward operation.”

The invasion of England was on indefinite hold? Maria wanted to scream with joy at the news but didn’t show it. “Onward? Do you think Russia?”

“Some think that the Fuhrer’s patience with the Soviets is growing thin.” Schmitt grinned.

After a short walk, the pair arrived back outside Maria’s hotel. The German took Maria by the hand and kissed her fingers. “It has been a pleasure Frau Oberleutnant Horler. I do hope our paths cross again.”

“Likewise Herr Schmitt.”

“Johan, please.”

“Johan, please be safe.”

The man smiled before turning and departing back along the road. Maria stood at the front door watching his disappearing back for a moment. For his faults, Schmitt had been a gentleman and the second man she had interacted with at length who had no knowledge of her past. It had been a pleasant experience if one discounted nearly being killed by a supply truck.

Maria smiled at the thought of the little girl. While the idea of having a wife and children as a father and husband felt truly alien to her, the idea of being a mother herself was starting to grow on her. She had felt academic regret that she would not be able to procreate back when the doctors had first told her of her injuries. Now, however, she felt true regret that she wouldn’t be able to be a mother in the most complete way. Still, she reasoned. It was far too soon to worry about anything of the sort.

 

 

“So where are we heading once we cross over? And where do we get clothes from?” Down asked again, pacing the room he shared with Arthur Hamley. The entire group was present, all glad to be able to relax away from prying eyes for once. At that moment, Andrew Matheson was going over the plan for their next day’s travel. The hopefully, final day of travel in their entire journey.

“The aim is to cross the border into France north of Lille and aim for somewhere south of Calais along the coast. That area is full of fishing villages, so the chances of us finding a boat we can borrow is fairly high. The only uncertainty we have is the German strength along the coast. According to Maria, they were muttering about an Invasion force before she was captured.”

“According to the Jerry chap, I spoke with last night, they called off Sealion in September, units are being reassigned.”

Matheson nodded, “so shouldn’t be awful then.”

“I can handle most things short of a full-on ship.” Maddox offered. “Dad had a motor launch back home and I sailed fairly often.”

“I think we’ll manage,” Matheson agreed as he sat heavily on the bed and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m blood tired, I know we all are, but we have to keep things together for the last stretch. This is where we can stuff this up the most; we have to be cautious.”

Maria pursed her lips and thought back to her final flight. “From what I recall, I came over the coast near Dieppe and Abbeville. The coastline didn’t have any anti-aircraft guns on it or fortifications that I could see at the time, but they’ve had months since we were captured to change that.”

“I don’t think the Bosch are worried about an invasion yet, so it should be fairly quiet outside of port towns.” Matheson agreed.

Down shifted uncomfortably and glanced across at Maria. “Not to be a spoil sport here, but what do we do about her when we get home? Have we worked that one out yet?”

Maria eyed the American warily, uncertain as to where he was going with his question.

“I mean, when we get out of these uniforms are we expecting her to just put on some random fella’s French civvies and poof, this cat will be back in the bag? I might be the dumb yank here, but even I can see this isn’t some costume no more. It hasn’t been since the camp, has it?”

“That is a bridge we’ll cross when we get to it.” Matheson offered tactfully, glancing across at Maria. “But I agree, it’s going to present some difficulty to explain.”

“May I?” Maria asked, catching the eye of each of the group individually. She stood up and faced the others, her hands clasped before her. “Look, Andrew and Daniel are more than aware that this is far more than it first seemed. Hell, I’m sure you all are by now, but it’s not exactly been subtle. The truth is that I’m…” She sighed and brushed her hair out of her face. “After my accident and what the Germans did to me, I have very much changed. I’m not the same person that came to that camp seven months ago, none of us are. Truth be told, I don’t think I ever was him, not really, not up here.” she offered, touching her heart and then her head.

“I’m happier this way; I think this is quite likely the real me. No matter what they have on record, somehow this just fits me better. I will not be changing back before we return home but I will change out of this uniform with you. The only difference is that I will still be the woman you see here and now. I will return home as her and hopefully not get locked up in an insane asylum.”

“I think that was obvious lass,” Hamley murmured softly with a smile. “It’s not that big a change sure it’s not.”

Andrew and Daniel both simply smiled and Down pointed at her and looked smug. “See? I told you she was a broad this entire time.”

Maria chuckled softly and smiled at her friends. “Who knows, maybe they’ll let me stay in the WAAF when we get back if I’m not in some padded hospital.”

Maddox grinned, “a bloody waste for an experienced combat pilot at a time like this, having you making cups of tea.”

“I’d hope they would at least let me ferry aircraft about,” Maria sighed unhappily. “Honestly I have no idea, I’ll do what I can to contribute but it’s what they say that will go. You know the head shed types; they have their own silly ideas.”

“This all hinges on us making it, you know,” Matheson reminded the group. “We’ve got to have our heads in the game tomorrow. Get some rest and I’ll see you all bright and early.”

Their plans settled, the group separated and prepared to retire for the evening. Andrew escorted Maria back down the corridor towards her room. He was about to leave to rejoin Maddox when she touched his arm.

“Do you have a minute?” she asked in a small voice tinged with nerves.

“Of course, here or inside?”

“Inside, that might be better I think.”

Unlocking the door, Maria allowed the Navy pilot inside before closing the door and kicking off her shoes. “God I hate those things.”

Matheson smiled and leaned back against the door. “Pretty sure that’s a hazard of the occupation.”

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t wear them, just that I don’t like them.” Maria huffed waving a finger in his direction.

Matheson shook his head and smiled, “You ready to face the folks back home?”

“God no,” she sighed. “I’m bloody terrified! Part of me wants to stay here forever to avoid confronting them. Gosh, my parents, the RAF, everything; it's just too much!”

“We’ve got your back,” Andrew reassured the worried girl. “All of us can attest to what happened and what the Jerries did to you, you’ll be fine.”

“God Andrew I’m so scared,” she wailed more loudly. “Will my parents take me back? Or will it be some great scandal? I can’t be him anymore, I simply can’t. I know what I said to the others; that I’m happier this way and that is true. I can’t begin to imagine going back to being Brian. Not physically certainly, but emotionally? I think I might die if they made me. It’s as though after years in a dark room they finally gave me a box of matches. I can see now, and I’m striking them one after another afraid that it will go dark again. What do I do when they run out?”

Matheson stepped forward and wrapped her in his arms. “You’ll be fine, we’ll get you more matches, hell, a bloody lantern. They’ve got bigger problems right now back home and you have us… you have me.”

“I want you,” Maria murmured softly into his shoulder. “Is it wrong that I want you?” she frowned.

Matheson looked down at the woman in his arms and smiled, “I want you too, very much.”

Maria’s anguished expression softened and her upturned cheeks seemed to flush with colour. Her lips parted slightly in surprise as her eyes flickered closed. Andrew’s head moved downward until their lips met in a tantalizing kiss that drove the very air from her lungs.

The two separated after what felt like an eternity and Maria felt lightheaded. Her entire world was spinning and her stomach was doing backflips. She felt a heat that she had never experienced before flush through her entire body from head to toe. “We shouldn’t,” she murmured breathlessly, unable to tear her eyes away from the man who cradled her in his arms.

Andrew looked equally affected by their kiss, his eyes holding a great warmth as he stared down at her affectionately. “Who the hell cares?”

He pulled her in against his body, this time not pausing before he kissed her with a far greater passion. Maria’s head swirled as her nostrils filled with his scent, her fingers dug into the flesh of his back and suddenly, her entire world was reduced to this one man.

Maria felt herself moving backwards until the backs of her legs touched the edge of the bed. Allowing herself to sit before falling backwards onto the cover, she pulled Andrew down on top of her and hungrily returned his kisses with a fire that she had never known before in her life. She felt almost giddy, drunk with sensation.

Andrew’s hands roamed along her body as they embraced. His grip was firm but gentle and there was a trepidation to his movements as though he was afraid that he might break her. His fingers lingered along the buttons of her blouse as though asking a question. Maria answered him by hurriedly unfastening them herself. Slipping the garment from her shoulders before shrugging out of his own shirt, Andrew returned to the embrace. The feeling of their skin touching each other felt like electric shocks coursing through her body.

Lifting herself off the bed slightly, Maria fumbled behind herself with the clasp of her brassiere. Bashfully, she slipped it from her shoulders and removed it, allowing Andrew to see her naked breasts. Her cheeks were flushed and her face held an innocent guilt that belied her hunger. “They’re not much, I’m sorry,” she offered apologetically, glancing down at her breasts.

“They… you’re beautiful,” Andrew whispered softly, his fingers grazing the side of her torso before circling a breast. “You’re perfect.”

Andrew lowered his head and kissed the firm nipple of her left breast, his tongue flicking against it ever so slightly. Maria moaned, gazing up at the man above her, and bit her lip.

As they kissed, a brief flash of another time and another man crashed through her mind as Andrew’s hand slid up her thigh and beneath her skirt. The memory was darker, a reminder of a past she wanted to forget. Forcing the memory back down, she chose instead to live in the moment; Andrew wasn’t him.

Maria gasped as Andrews's fingers squeezed the flesh of her bottom. She gazed up into his eyes and felt the breath catch in her chest as he smiled at her. At that moment, her heart sang. For the first time in her life, she felt certain about something. For the first time, she felt whole.

“Please,” she whispered, gazing up into Andrew’s eyes, “please.”

 

 

Maria slowly opened her eyes and gazed out into the moon-dappled darkness of the hotel room. She could feel the warmth of the body pressed up behind her and heard the rhythmic breathing of its owner. Andrew’s arm was draped over her waist and was pinning her in place; she had no desire to move.

She felt no guilt or shame about what she had done, simply an all-encompassing calm that seemed to flow through her like a peaceful river. This felt right; there was no other way to describe it. She had known the answer to her questions for some time now but she had been afraid to admit them to herself. She might have told the others that she felt better this way, that it felt right, but these were safe statements. They implied that she was still in a state of duality, and merely held a preference. The truth was that this was right, this was who she was. She was a woman, it finally made sense; she knew that now without a shadow of a doubt.

Maria smiled to herself in the darkness and placed her hand over Andrew’s as it lightly cupped her right breast. She was comfortable calling them breasts now and she was glad that she had them. No longer were they a source of confusion or shame, but instead, a marker of her burgeoning womanhood.

She knew that this night couldn’t happen again until they returned home, nor should it have. They had been weak, so very weak. No matter the irresponsibility, had also been a truly wonderful experience. Deep down, feeling this way while they still run from captivity could put them all at risk and affect their very chances of survival. If Andrew couldn’t resist it, she would have to do so for both of them. At least until they were safe in England.

There was no way they could tell the others, although she was reasonably sure that Maddox would guess relatively quickly. He was a good man and he had readily accepted her for who she was. He was, however, no idiot. They had to focus now more so than ever before, the occupied territories were dangerous and their every move was now scrutinized by both local and German alike.

Andrew moved in his sleep and groggily stroked her breast before rolling over onto his other side. A jolt of pleasure ran through her body and she rolled over to snuggle up against his broad back. Brian Campbell was dead if he had ever truly existed at all. She was more convinced now than ever that he never really had. She didn’t know how it worked, or why, but she was now convinced that this had always been who she was meant to be. Perhaps her body had simply caught up with her once the influences of testosterone on her system had vanished.

She hadn’t merely adapted to her new reality, the biological pressure forcing her to become adapt or die. This is who she had always been; she could see the traces in her memories, peeking from beneath the surface of Brian Campbell.

Whatever the truth was, Maria Campbell would go home to England. She would reach her parents and her siblings and they would deal with this new reality. She would fly again, somehow, somewhere, and most importantly, she would love the man in her arms if it was the last thing she did.

 

Comments are the lifeblood of authors. Please leave a comment with your thoughts/feelings and I'll answer! Let me know what you think!