The Girl in Me
CHAPTERS 4-6
 
by Erin Amelia Fletcher
 
Please keep in mind most names, and some specific details, have been altered, to limit the amount of Strife within those associated within whom may come in contact with this.

This is the parody story to my poem I am a Girl, please enjoy...

 
 

Chapter 4
 
 
The following morning both Mary and I were walking around like zombies since how we were up half the night. Mum and Richard were curious why we were so tired, me I kept my mouth shut the blabbermouth struck again. "Ginny and Lisa let us stay up last night, we did lots of fun stuff last night..." Well I was questioned and like I said I kept my hold of my tongue, of course blabber mouth had to mention I was up to so, I got punished for hiding the truth, which of course meant grounded for the week. Ginny was fired and Lisa had to deal with my Aunt.

We were allowed to stay home that day and take a long nap, and later that night go to bed early, mum of course called us sick to the school.

Luckily when we stayed home it was a Friday so we had ourselves a 3 day weekend except I was grounded. We once again were awoken in the middle of the night, between Saturday and Sunday. "I can't believe she gave our kids lice" said my mum, "well you were in the right by what you said to her mother" said Richard. Mum waking Mary up, and Richard waking me up, taking us into the bathroom sitting me and Mary in separate chairs. My hair was buzzed and after I was done I was sent to my room to put on my swimming trunks, and then had to take a bath with Lice shampoo. When I was done I had to wait around for more combing lice out of my hair to make sure it was all gone but Richard was still on Mary's hair, she was screaming out of pain so much that he was getting fed up, and after a while she was crying out to buzz her hair like he did mine, but Richard didn't want to do that to this pretty blond haired sister of mine, but after about an hour of this, he gave in.

My sister's beautiful to waist long blond hair was buzzed, my mum was very upset the most, she screamed at him during and after all sorts of cursive words at him one of which I remember to this day, "You goddamn Nazi". Mary thought it was neat and kept rubbing her head, though when she went back to school that Monday she wasn't happy cause others teased her and what not. I was both happy that she got what she deserved, but I was very empathic towards what had happened to her, because myself had to go threw that buzzer about once or twice a month, and in case your all wondering I did cry about that alone in my bed once finally sent back to bed.

The following Monday Mary and I went to school, hand in hand. Ginny and Lisa weren't together and Ginny was going person to person, laughing and giggling, but wouldn't even talk to me even when I said hi. School wasn't going to start for a little while yet so Mary went off with her friends, and I caught up with my friend Amber. Amber was acting peculiar, I swear she was stifling a laugh and she eventually excused herself saying she had to get to class (15 minutes early).

Once she left I saw a few kids laughing and looking at me, of course I was curious of there laughter, I thought I left my fly down or something (wouldn't be the first time). I walked over to them and asked what was so funny, they said nothing till I kept bugging them for answers. "Is it true you dress in your sisters clothes" one of the girls asked, "of course he does he's a sissy, a little girly boy" a boy said answering for me, and the same comments and questions coming from others in the little group. "No! Were did you here a stupid thing like that" I asked hurt and embarrassed. "From Ginny, she said she was babysitting you and your sister, and how you love to play dress up in your sisters clothes and like it" one of the girls answered. "Well that's a stupid lie, I never did that kind of thing that's just weird" I said huffing away toward the doors when Ginny walked over and said "have you had a nice welcome back, hope you and your sister are feeling better" Ginny said with a grin. I then lost it and began crying and new a few words that are not appropriate. "Go to hell and leave me alone" leaving Ginny there with the biggest mouth in shock by what I had said storming down the school stairs.

I was called a bundle of names and terms I didn't understand or even like, I was very upset and so began a great deal of trust issues, and depression not to mention insomnia.

 
 

Chapter 5
 
 

Over the years I had to undergo some counseling, being nearly 2 years since the incident. Mum especially was very concerned, she thought I was having separation issues due to her and dad's break up; because I was becoming more quiet and withdrawn, even though I tried to tell her on numerous occasions, but she wouldn't listen and act like the same mum on the subject she had, but now she came up with changing the subject, and pretending to be preoccupied with something to listen. I was also praying nearly every night then so God could fix his mistake.

The counselors just continuously laid into me all the time, it was a church program, cause mum couldn't afford the real type of counseling. I eventually told them what the problem was and told me it was wrong, and a sin, and nothing more than the devil incarnate and sent me home and then never went back there again. They did tell my mum, but just kept telling herself I was just being funny or in a faze, she didn't want to admit she has a daughter that needs love and life.

Over the last 2 years I have I spent my time in some pity, while secretly and manipulatively showing my feminine ways, sometimes showing it without thinking and other members of my family have noticed.

I had lost all my friends now and still in the same school, I would spend my recesses walking around the school yard, just thinking, pondering, and watching all the pretty colors of the trees. I also did a lot of checking out what the other girls were wearing and especially there hair, and the pretty designs they made out of there hair, to say I was envious is an understatement. Sometimes I wanted to just chop there hair off and keep it as my own, but I was to morally inclined to do something like that. I then made a promise to myself that no matter what happens I'll have my own hair when I become the girl I will be, even though I didn't know of anything that could assist in becoming the girl I am or even if it was possible, I just knew that anything is possible, you just have to believe that impossibility is the impossible.

One day on my recess I was doing my usual walks, a flash hit me like nothing I had ever had before, seconds later I started to shudder and blacked out or at least everyone else thought I blacked out.

I saw something weird, during my "blackout", someone was jumping out of the slide, and hurt themselves and everyone started looking at me.

I then awoke from my "blackout" a few people were looking at me like I was ill or something and generally looked concerned. "He's waking up, step back and give him some room" said a teacher, his voice sounding very eager to help. I was still a little groggy when waking up from my blackout asked what everyone was doing, and they explained that I fainted. "I had the weirdest dream, I saw someone jump off the slide and get hurt" I said. The teacher helped me to my feet asking if I was alright and that there going to bring me to the office to have the nurse check to see if I was alright.

I followed the teacher as told, and we were walking past the slide, the next thing I know I hear a loud drop from behind me and look over. The boy was on the ground, he was crying and saying ouch a lot, everyone once again went running this time to the boy, some of the kids were rude especially the boys because the kid was crying. The teacher took the boy by the arm lifting him up to his feet and continued towards me with the boy.

Everyone looked at me and pointed, one of the words directed towards me was "witch" which is funny cause at that time I had not known anything about the subject except that the Halloween image was the only thing I knew on the subject. Even the teacher acted strangely towards me. One thing you should know is that most of the students are Christian, and the school has many church sponsors as well as the school itself is owned by a church, which is one reason why I hated that school. It turned out that the kid dislocated his elbow, the teacher let this rest but I would get nit-picked in the future by him, as well as other teachers.

After the incident I spent even more time withdrawn, now I had this what I call Foresight, which was to be a starting point of many things to come in my life. I started to test my gift finding the root of it and using it inside out, usually to help others which took more of my time resisting the urge to feel bad about myself while helping all those around me.

 
 

Chapter 6
 
 

Over the last few years I had been depressed, withdrawn, confused over the feelings of my gender, worried about dozens of things, helping others and was beginning to disbelieve in the almighty. I prayed every night but started skipping some nights because I was beginning to feel it was a waste of time, I was meant to live in the mix up created for me.

One day after school Mary had gone to her friends and mum was downstairs doing as she pleased I was alone and crept in Mary's room and took out on of her slips and went into the bathroom, I took off my clothes and put on the half slip stepping into it, and moving it up firmly placing it around my waist. I looked in the mirror and only slightly liked what I saw unfortunately I had yet another crew cut so I didn't look anything like a boy I thought at that time. The electricity throughout my body was fascinating as it always was, suddenly I heard footsteps up the stairs. Mary and mum were in Mary's bedroom talking and laughing like they usually did.

I hurriedly took off the slip, and put my own clothes back in. I was about to open the door with the slip in my hand when I realized that I may get in trouble having Mary's slip, so I stuck it in my pants wear I thought they couldn't see it.

I opened the door and walked out and tried to get to my own room as quick as I could but mum was already coming forward to me asking me were I was, I told her I was in the bathroom. "What's that in your pants there so bulky in the front" mum asked, "nothing" I replied. "Are you caring toys in there again" she asked (be aware I kind of had a thing about sneaking my toys in my pants, mostly cause Mary liked to take them and not give them back), "no" I replied again almost embarrassed by that question. Mum then got a little demanding and upset that I seemed to be hiding something for her, rightly so, she grabbed at my pants and took out the slip. "Well why do you have your sister's slip in your pants?" she asked bewildered. "Um no..." I tried to answer before being cut off, "I hope you weren't wearing it, I don't want you going weird on me" mum said abruptly as she cut me off. "No. Like I said..." I tried to say "like what, you put it in there for good luck" mum said humorously. "No, I found it in my hamper of clean clothes, I was putting them away and found it I was going to put it away for her to be nice but had to go to the washroom so brought it in there with me then when I was finishing up I was going to put it away for her, and then I heard your noises, knowing you were up here I figured I would wait till you left so I wouldn't get a hassle from you" I said cleverly lying, my unknown Gypsy roots paying off. "Well I don't remember washing this last night, or even Mary wearing it within the last month let alone" said mum then looking at Mary who only shook her head ‘no' to mums statement style question confused.

I was very upset, embarrassed from this humiliation, mad, and even put off of myself for all this. "I said I wasn't wearing it, ok, now leave me alone" I said not able to take it anymore, and opened my bedroom door storming in slamming my doors shut, and crying myself to sleep at 4 in the afternoon. No one came in to soothe me, no one cared for my well being and no one even wanted to consider the possibilities of what was going on with me, I felt alone, confused, depressed, isolated and even more I felt locked in this shadow without any love.

To be continued...