Little Pink Pills

Part Seventeen, by Michelle Wilder

Teenage Brandos stalk her in the halls
They tease her with cat calls
She's a combination Anita Eckberg, Mamie van Doren
Dagmar High School confidential

(High School Confidential, by Carole Pope and Kevan Staples)

(Revised and reposted)

----

"... and her dad stood up beside her when she read, and she read it ~very~ well!" Brenda smiled at Carson like grade two.

"And then Jason made that, that ~stupid~ joke!" Cheryl sounded mad. She glared at Jason.

"I was just surprised! I mean, ~Carson~!? C'mon!! No way!" Jason almost yelled.

I felt her stiffen up for the first time since she got there and I pulled my hand away from Jerri-

"I'm okay." She leaned way down and kissed me.

She was. I was, again. She smiled.

----

Carson, Jerri and Brenda hadn't told them ~anything~ about her being transsexual before the meeting.

"How did you explain starting a gay-oriented group?"

"I said I was friends with some lesbians!" Brenda giggled and spazzed a little, and grinned at Carson and me.

"I know a lesbian too." Jerri smiled her head in half at me. I grinned back.

-

"Anyway, the GSA thing was almost the easiest, after all that." Brenda folded open the papers she'd dug out of her pack. "There's even already some policies about them they made just in case about five years ago...."

"And Carruthers wasn't bad about it. He even thought of the same sabotage problem and had an idea he had to check with the board...."

"And twelve signed-up members, too, counting you!"

They all looked at me like I was being cute or something, except Jason grinned at me like he was being cute. Then, when I accidentally looked at him, he smiled.

"Hey, really, I'm sorry if I came off sounding like I was insulting you, I never meant it to. I mean, I think being gender-talented is great! It's just.. well, I mean, c'mon...." He did a hand thing.

"We just always... well, if there was a pool on the first out jock?" He did a deep sound. "But ~transsexual~? Wow! We ~never~ thought of that!"

Heather and Cheryl laughed again and Brenda and Val sort of looked mad at each other or something.

-

"It wasn't like that, it was really okay...."

Carson hugged me while they made fun of us. And the way she said it, and that she hadn't even been embarrassed except when Brenda said that 'ahh' thing, or when they were almost yelling before... it was okay. Like she said.

"What'd you say?" I tried to change the subject and leaned into her.

"When?"

"When you told them! What'd you say?" I couldn't believe Brenda just told us she did a 'speech thing.'

"Told them what?" Carson was so innocent sounding I knew she was fooling, so I just shut up and waited.

She jiggled me after a few seconds. Jerri stared into my face and tried not to smile.

"About what?"

I started to say she ~knew~ about wha-

She kissed my ear.

-

She switched to just touching my ear with her lips and breathing....

-

"You two are disgusting."

It sounded like everyone laughed, and Brenda was grinning at us when I looked, but she made kissy-face to make sure I understood.

"Nobody on the football team ever kissed like that when I went to Middleton...." Val sounded just like Brenda.

"How'd you find that out?" everyone but me and Carson asked almost at the same time, except Heather laughed before she got out "How...?" or anything.

"Personal research." Val looked all prim and proper. "And let me tell you, none of them made ~anyone~ do... that."

"I was on the team, one year you were there...." Carson said that just past my ear, really, really low....

I completely collapsed, eyes closed.

Just her lips moving was enough, but the vibration, and her breath....

"You were on the team, but not really on the ~team~, if you know what I mean." Val was laughing with all of them. "And would you ~stop~ that!? You're positively OBSCENE!"

Carson breathed a little different....

I wasn't... ever....

Val sighed.

"You two!" She made a noise I couldn't see. Kinda half-rude and half-nice.

-

When I sat up a little bit more I realized that Jason and them being there... seeing us, me... was okay. Totally okay.

I relaxed more into Carson and squeezed Jerri's hand again. She smiled at me all happy too, like she knew I'd sit up. Or feel good. I smiled thanks at her, thanks.

"Tell us about your speech anyway, please? Even if she can't pay attention longer than a goldfish, ~I~ wanna know." Val was almost whining.

Carson laughed again and I shivered. Who knew my hair would be like that? When she finished chuckling at me she kissed my ear again (without breathing) and sat up more.

It was okay. I was exhausted.

"What was the question again?" Carson sounded like she was tired, but she wasn't. I got comfortable. Jerri put her feet on the ottoman and lifted my leg up on hers.

I closed my eyes again when Carse pulled my head down and started running her finger around my neck. I stretched back, to feel her more....

"I liked your hair like... that...."

I... anything.

"Stop that! There are ~children~ present!!"

Brenda totally lost it and Carson kissed my neck and sat up again. Away.

I flopped back and grumped. Dumb ol'... football team debaucher. Jerri giggled.

"Yes?" Carson sounded perky.

"Coming out?" Val sounded normal again, too. "Speech?" Everything seemed so good.

"Oh, yeah. You mean, what I said?" Carson half-un-hugged me with one arm and dug in her pocket for something. I opened my eyes to look, and it was a folded-up paper.

"I was too nervous, so I wrote this and read it. Some of it's from a website...." She snapped her wrist and the paper unfolded upside down, almost on my chest.

"Ahem." She squeezed me and kissed my hair. And read:

"I'm transsexual."

She crumple-folded the paper one-handed and hugged me properly again.

There was way more on the paper and it didn't start that way either, and it was wrong way up, but I pretended that was what it said, too. Besides, by then she was nosing the top of my ear again.

And she couldn't read without her glasses anyway.

Val made a mad noise and Heather giggled, something she doesn't do well. Snickered, maybe. Carson made a quiet snort, too, but it was very quiet.

"Okay, okay." She waved the paper after she gave me another 'wait' kiss.

"I read this... but it basically says I'm transsexual and I don't plan on changing the way I look too much in school, and still want to play football, and I'm terribly, hopelessly in love."

She kissed me on the cheek.

-

That... she said that... there, in front of them.

----

Mr. Carruthers wasn't happy about Carson, or me either, according to Jason. Or maybe just knowing about us, that we existed. Brenda thought it was almost like he had a kind of 'don't ask, don't tell' thing.

Jason said "It's so idiotic, anyway! I mean, he knew before, he just pretended he didn't! I mean it's like he's the only one in the don't tell loop, so what's the point?!"

Brenda glared at him.

"Look, shut up. It doesn't change that he's gonna be- gonna argue with everything that happens, just to be-"

"A bastard." Jason wasn't joking.

"What!" Everyone looked at Val. Me too.

"Don't keep talking like we were there! What are you talking about? What did he say? You said he was okay with the GSA before!"

"Just- yeah, he was. He is. But like when it was about ~how~ it would happen, everything anyone said he was all 'Well, it's not necessary to publicize this...' and 'Well, I think we need to make sure all the parents involved are on side with this....'" Jason ~really~ wasn't joking.

"Carse, the only way he ever referred to you was 'your son' or whatever! He totally ignored you! What you said...."

"So he wasn't great. But I already told my parents he was like that before, and the club is already there and he's not the one who makes the rules. Those rules." Carson was okay, from her hug.

"No, but that board-lady Sonia whatsername ~does~, and she wasn't much better!"

"She was just caught off guard. I bet Carruthers didn't tell her what the meeting was about ahead of time on purpose...."

Carson nodded or something.

"She was way better, after. I mean, after, when we had that break? she told my parents there's students in other districts that have transitioned, and even regulations for all the schools so there's all sorts of things they just have to copy over to here. Mom- my mother really liked her, after. They're meeting with her without Carruthers right now about what happens if we go to post-season, too."

Carson bent down and added. "Don't worry. It all went great."

I knew, just from how she was talking, but I smiled yeah. "I'm glad. I was worried."

-

"What's transitioned?"

"No, I mean, I guess I know, but what does it really mean, like for school and all?"

-

Mr. Lopez was really on our side, they all said, and I guess I knew he would be.

And Sonia Dunst was the school board lady, and they said she said there were rules and stuff that Carson had to follow, washrooms and all.

But they said Carruthers said the only change the school was going to make right away was that Carson couldn't use the boys' ~or~ girls' washrooms, or the gym- the locker rooms, even on away games, for her own protection, and they still had to find out if that was even legal. Or which ones she'd use. Or something.

But everyone agreed it was okay until they found that out. Decided it. The washroom thing.

I thought it might be embarrassing.

"What washrooms are you gonna use, then?"

She smiled and whispered just as quietly.

"The same ones ~you~ are, the wheelchair one near the main office and the staff one by the locker room."

"Me!?"

"Yup. There's no stalls, just a big room, and it locks so you can be safe, too. Mr. Lopez and your mom and dad said. And they're gonna put a chair in both of them tomorrow, too"

"And your dad said ~she~ has to wait outside." Brenda grinned at me.

I turned red. I hadn't even thought of that 'til then.

Val took a second, too, and then burst out laughing.

-

They showed us Mr. Lopez's info packages and said they were for all the staff and had all the human rights laws and stuff about transsexuals and gay students and things from other schools, and even federal law. Like a good website, sorta. It had a lot of stuff. I really wanted to read the transsexual papers but they said I had to wait.

-

And the GSA was sort of officially on hold. Even it was already there and running and Jason and Brenda were the official organizers, it wouldn't be a regular student group until Mrs. Dunst and Mr. Lopez could get all sorts of paperwork stuff for Carruthers.

Or till they could make him start acting like a human being, they all said. Or thought, it sounded like. Like Jason. He still didn't like Mrs. Dunst, but he called Mr. Carruthers a complete prick.

His word.

I think Val wanted to ask a ton more, like me. Because I was totally confused about if it was all ~good~, or all ~bad~. About the GSA.

-

And that was the meeting. Or that was all they were gonna talk about it until Mom and Dad got back, anyway.

And I remembered they were happy about things.

----

Val and Brenda went to the fridge in the den to get everyone drinks and Heather leaned forward.

"Okay! Now that your guard dogs are gone for a minute..." she started giggling before she finished when Cheryl poked her. Or she might've been poking her before.

"No, really... Carson, you said you were in ~love~? How long have you two been going together?" Cheryl asked, way more normally.

"I'm betting on ever since..." Jason looked at me like he was measuring. "September of... umm... freshman year?"

"What?"

He grinned.

"Oh, come on! I mean, ~Carson~...? Tall, ripped and fourteen?! He was gorgeous! Pardon me, madame: ~she~ was gorgeous! A dream-boat. Still is!"

"Dream-boat? Does the team know what kinda stuff you look at, Jase?" Cheryl snorted.

Jason made a snooty face. "Hey! I can appreciate beauty in all its forms! Do I look like a mouth-breather or something?"

"A what? What does mouth-breathing have to do with anything?"

"No idea. Why did you bring it up? We were talking about how good Carson looks!"

"No, ~you~ were talking about how good Carson looks!"

"Was I? Oh." Jason looked at us and smiled like a TV host. "Well she does."

"Ok, back to the point! Dish, you mah-vel-ous dream-boats... when did you hook up together? The world wants to know!" Heather aimed a fake microphone at us.

"I didn't say they were ~both~ dream-boats! Carson, yes... but, I dunno.... It's just not the right word for cutie-pie... hmmm."

"Annnd we learn more about ~Jason~, when what we ~want~ to learn how long ~you've~ been together!"

"Hey! ~She~..."

"~I~ was there at the beginning! They looked at each other and ~pow~, it was love!" Brenda had returned. "I saw it all! Interview me!!"

"Oh, sure! Elvis was playing... I remember it like yesterday! Carson asked her to dance... little sister wore white... the King played a tango...." And, Valerie with her.

----

They kept asking stuff about us, Carson and me, and how we got together, or what happened, or when we found out about each other, or that we liked each other, I guess... like Heather asked who kissed who first and Cheryl giggled her head off.

Carson answered most of them, and I remembered how she'd looked back when I first saw her....

I had a memory of a second, like a photo, and her face, and her smile....

-

I remembered feeling like the whole world was better.

-

Listening to them, I felt like the whole world was different.

I mean, like I thought it was Carson who was so... I mean... she was a ~girl~! She was incredible....

But it was me who they thought was... whatever. ~More~ different.

And they all ~always~ did.

And they all thought it was gonna be me that the bullies and bigots and Carruthers and whoever would pick on. More.

It was warm.

-

Carson hugged and whispered me into not worrying about any of it for then. It was all the same stuff, and just that they were talking, nothing new....

----

As embarrassing as it was, or was in the morning, I fell asleep and missed the rest, even the take-out.

Val said Jason begged and everyone laughed, but Carson carried me upstairs.

Or she said, anyway.

She made up all sorts of lies and stories while she dried my hair.

Val.

-

End of Part 17