By wargamerguy
Chapter One
"Miss Valerie, Miss Valerie, may I have a word with you before you leave?“ Came a shout from down the hallway by a woman quickly running though the halls franticly trying to catch up to her.
Valerie stopped in mid stride and turned, waited for the woman running to reach her. When she was close enough, she finely said sharply, “Melanie, what’s the big problem, calm yourself down and lets go into my office to settle what ever it is that’s on your mind!”
After they made it into her office and sat down, Melanie spoke up, “I see you have chosen to go all out today, you look very formal and serious.”
Valerie laughed, “What? This formal? “
It was formal and she did want to look formal and professional for her new student. That was just professional. Her dark colored formal business skirt and jacket made her look both formal and sexy. She was glad that she could still pull off the look in her late early forties. Never had to do much to her hair. It naturally curled and hung below her shoulders.
“Yes, you are right, so what’s on your mind?“
She asked, ”Valerie, have you seen the report on the new student we will get this year, the freshmen Rene from Nevada?”
Valerie shook her head, “I may have but I don’t recall her. Refresh my memory please.”
“Rene is a fourteen year old boy but from the medical reports, he can easily be made into a girl. I am choosing him for the pageant this year. Here take a look at the doctors medical report.”
She took the papers and read though the report for a few minutes. She could hardly believe this was a boy at all. She looked at boys photo and was amazed that such a boy could exist. It was also very sad. The boy had elevated levels of estrogen in his system and low testosterone levels. He was very small for a boy his age. The boy often associated with girls better than boys and he liked feminine activities. He was often mistaken for a girl by those that didn’t know him. She looked at a picture of him and she swore at first that the picture was of a girl. The structure of his face to his body type was very much like a girl his age, not a boy. His name was Rene, he was a fourteen year old boy. His mothers name was Crystal. She had an effeminate son and an older daughter three years older than the son. He was very pretty and she had an idea about what Melanie wanted now.
Melanie said, “Do you see how pretty Rena is, she would be perfect for the pageant this year. I think she would win and be the queen. What are your thoughts on her?”
“She certainly is very girlish for a genetic boy. This pageant is usually used for the more unruly boys to tame them. This boy doesn’t need such humiliation and controls placed over him. He is practically a transgender, Melanie. Why do you want to make her do this pageant?”
“Because look at him, Valerie. She is perfect and beautiful. The psyc report says she has elevated levels of estrogen in her body and thinks like a girl. But becomes upset when its mentioned. She was tormented by boys in her previous school so if we give her a good environment to grow as a girl and encourage female activities, She could blossom as a girl. Don’t you agree?”
She wasn’t sure she agreed with Melanie’s reasoning. She felt she had to try, “Melanie you know I love what you do, but think about it for a second. This pageant isn’t such a forgiving and open environment. The pageant contestants are subjected to rigorous training, extreme humiliations and verbal and some times even physical brutality bordering on terror. It is used to tame the bigger harsher boys. This boy doesn’t need such treatment because from what this report says, he is already very respectful, and soft bordering on sissy. It was because of his soft nature that the boys teased him. Do you really want to subject him to the same thing because of his nature?”
“Yes I think it will work. Valerie, I never known you to stand up for a boy before. What’s gotten into you?”
Indeed, what has sparked this protective nature for this boy student? She usually was the first to impose the most humiliating punishments on boy students. She was known to have a passionate hatred for boys. Perhaps, it was because this boy wasn’t really a boy all. This was weird and would need looked into.
Valerie said, “Never mind. If you want him to compete in the pageant you have my consent. You don’t need it, The school board put you in charge of the Pageant and selecting contestants. Was there anything else you needed?”
Melanie stood up, “That was it and thank you. “She moved closer to Valerie and embraced the other woman. Valerie knew that the other woman was very sexual with everyone. She often forced the boys to participate in sexual acts with her. She tried to make them lesbians for her. They liked her because of her proportions 32DD but the boys didn’t like that they weren’t really allowed to do what they wanted. She dominated and humiliated them.
Rene was riding in the front seat with his mother driving. He didn’t really that she had to move them from Las Vegas Nevada all the way to Philadelphia Mississippi, and they had driven all the way. But this was where her job moved them and it was the only thing they could do if they wanted to keep making a good living.
He hoped that things would be better there than in Nevada. He didn’t really like it there. Because of his soft girl like looks, the bigger boys bullied him, hit him and even some times they made him very uncomfortable with sexual innuendos and rude flirting. Their abuse even went so far as groping him and it was very humiliating.
They treated him like he was a girl and he grew to hate it there. He hoped things would be better in Mississippi but from what he heard, it didn’t hold out much hope. From the news reports the place was set to explode. He heard about riots, violence, protests and even open killings in Mississippi. It seemed to him as if the state of Mississippi was burning with the fire of violence and hate.
He looked in the back seat to see his older sister Jessica asleep. She was cradling her head on a pillow on the window. He admired how she was so strong and beautiful at the same time. He loved her and he knew by the way she was fiercely protective of him that she loved him back.
“Rene we are almost to Philadelphia,” His mother told him.
“Yeah, It still looks like we are in the middle of no where. All I see or forest and trees. Where the heck are we?” Rene asked.
“Well Rene,” His mother said, “It seems we are in a county called Neshoba. We are around five miles from Philadelphia. We will be there in a few minutes.
“Mother, can you tell me about the school you signed me up for, again.” He asked her.
“Sure, Neshoba Boys school. It seems that all of the schools are segregated into boys and girls school because they cant go together. Its weird but naturally you’re a boy so you go to the boys school. Six hundred boys go there and all of the teachers are women. And the entire state has some weird custom every year that they select 60 boys from the freshmen year to participate. When a boy’s chosen he must do it or he wont get any credits to graduate. That’s all I know Rene. What do you think?”
His mind was foggy, he said airily, “I don’t know. Do you know anything about the custom?”
“No,” She said. “Not really. I couldn’t get anything but it seems to be some type of pageant. Look outside, we are coming upon the city.”
He knew that his assessment was right as he looked out his window. The place did look very scary as they drove past the first few blocks of houses. Several of the houses were on fire and large fire trucks were there putting them out. He was horrified as they drove past the last house. It was blazing and there seemed to be a blacken tree trunk that was put out in the front yard. It seemed to be some type of symbol but since it had burnt out, he couldn’t tell what it was, just that it was large.
The police were there investigating and cutting down a man that was hanging from a tree. A boy that he assumed was the son was beside the man. The police hadn’t got to him yet. Something hard settled into the pit of his stomach and Rene started feeling cold.
His mother saw him start to shake till she pulled the car to the side of the Two Lane highway. She put her hand on Rene’s shoulder and said, “I saw it too. We will be safe, I can assure you of that, Rene. No matter what happens, we have each other. “
His sister popped up from behind his seat. She was awake from her slumber and laid another comforting hand on him and said, “Me too, Rene so don’t worry. We all have each other. No one will hurt you, or mom with me around. “
He looked over his shoulder and told her, “Thanks sis. You always have a way of making me feel safe around you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She giggled, “Me either. You would be lost.” She wrapped her arms around his little body.
“OK, we better get there before Ms Kelly thinks we forgot about her.“ Her children started laughing as she pulled out and started driving again. He was still afraid but his family made him feel like there was a chance they could get out of it alive. “
Things really started to heat up as the got further into town. There was a very scary protest near the town hall. There were many men of different races protesting together in front of the city hall. They were holding signs and shouting loudly and getting very angry. There was a stiff police line in front of the city hall preventing them from getting close. Strangely, they all were female, and holding some kind of machine gun.
He could read the signs as they got closer and he finely figured it out. Every sign had something about voting and males right to vote. ‘Didn’t males have the right to vote anyway’, he thought. There was something seriously wrong with this state. He said out loud, “What is wrong with these people, mom”
“I don’t know, Rene but we will figure it out and get though this. “
Rene saw the school he was going to attend. It grew larger as they drove down the street and turned into the schools parking lot. Unlike the previous school he attended in Nevada this one looked very clean. The sides were gleaming white stone. The windows to the classrooms were washed down and there was no trash in the lawn. It was bright green grass. There was no graffiti on the sides of the school or the walkway to the front door. It was all polished and neat. His mother parked in front and they got out. They walked together up the walkway to the front door. He admired how well kept up and clean this school was.
Rene saw two formally dressed women as they made it though the front door. The first thing Rene noticed was how neat the women were. He examined the darker haired one. She looked in her late 30s and Rene noted how beautiful she was. She looked confident, she wore a womans business suit. It was bright blue and her stockings were great. He caught himself wishing that he were that beautiful some day.
‘Stop it Rene’ he chastised himself. 'Stop thinking like that. you’re a boy’ that kind of thought got him beat up in his former school. He cleared his head of those bad thoughts only to hear the woman trying to get his attention.
“Rene wake up, are you staring at my breasts!” she asked in an offended voice.
Rene face turned into a crimson color. He was very embarrassed. He shuddered, “I am so sorry, Ma'am. I wasn’t staring at your breasts. I was admiring that sleeveless pink top you have on. Its just so lovely on you. I matches your skirt so well. I was trying to figure out if your top was silk or cotton. I am so sorry if I offended you, I didn’t mean to stare. You just look so lovely. “
She was totally speechless now. Her mouth opened and closed, trying to find the words. She had never knew a boy that knew clothing so well as this, boy. She looked at him , he felt her eyes examining him. She was stunned at this boys effeminate appearance.
Her eyes traveled down his body slowly, it made him feel very uncomfortable to have her so intensely examine him. His mother held his hand firm.
She could not believe her eyes as she looked at this boy in front of her. From his soft hair, natural wavy curls that hung gently down his bangs to the back of the hair that hung down his back. His face looked soft and so naturally feminine, his arched eyebrows and his cheeks. The face on this boy could so easily be mistaken for a girls. His narrow shoulders and thin arms looked also like a girls midsection. The two small breasts holding up the front of his shirt were also unmistakable signs that this was meant to be a girl. Her eyes traveled down to his hips, his wide hips that were unmistakably feminine.
How could this girl in front of him mistake herself for a boy, and convince herself that she was a boy? She didn’t understand that. Why did the girls mother just go along with referring to her as a boy? Everything about this girl just screamed ‘girl’.
She introduced herself to them, “You must be our new student Rena,” She meant to use the female version of the girl’s name. She saw her offended reaction to the female name. She would have to learn. She then looked at the older woman beside him that has suddenly became upset. “You must be his mother, Crystal. I am Valerie Kelly. I am this school's principal. How are you, How is your lovely daughter doing?”
Valerie saw Crystals face flash red with anger. She spit out at Valerie, in a very tight angry tone, “He is my son, Valerie. His name is Rene. Not Rena. You must understand that, despite his appearance, he insists he is a boy and not a girl. Now do you understand?”
The others tone became serious, she said, “Crystal, I think we had better go into my office to talk. We have some serious matters to discuss."
The two women walked into the principal's office and Valerie shut the door. She sat behind her desk and gazed evenly at the girls mother. She took a deep breath, “OK, Miss Kendal, there is no easy way to say this so I am going to have to just tell you straight out and be blunt about it. I am sorry to tell you that your son, Rene has been selected by the board and the programs administrator. He has no choice. If he refuses to cooperate with them then his credits will be withheld until he completes the entire program in which case, he will be allowed to graduate when he gets all of the credits. Do you understand, now?”
Crystal still didn’t understand what the program entailed. But she did understand that they had little choice in the matter, “Valerie, I think that I understand because he was selected that he must do this ‘program’ as you say. Now do you mind letting me know what this program is, please?”
“Sure,“ Valerie said confidently, leaning back in her chair, her arms draped down lazily. “The project is a beauty pageant, for the boys. It’s very cute actually. The final pageant is at the end of the semester, it’s a two-day event, they wear gowns, there’s a swimsuit part, a question and answer part. But the pageant is just one part of the entire project. It lasts the entire school year in which he will have to be a girl, that means choosing an entire wardrobe, he will have to be taught how to be a girl and he will be graded on how convincing he is in his clothing type, style, walk, mannerisms, makeup application. We have appointed him a girl, she will aid him, help him learn all that he will have to learn in order to be as convincing a girl as he can be. He will also be taken by the girls to stores and choosing various clothing’s in which he will be graded on. He will also have to choose a skill and be graded on, like a talent, fashion, cooking, seamstress, cheerleading, and he will be graded on how well he progressed in it. Another part of the Project, he will have to go on several dates with a boy, dances, restaurants, romantic settings and he will be have to maintain a romantic relationship with a boy, as his girlfriend. The progress of the relationship and how connected he is to her will determine the grade. Do you understand, Crystal?”
As Crystal listened to what would be required from her son, her face darkened, the creases around her eyes sharpened. It was clear that she was becoming very upset at what was being told to her and when Valerie asked if she understand, it took more than a few seconds to register. After a minute, she said, “Yes I think that I do understand what you have in mind for my son.”
Crystal stood up from her chair and approached Valerie's desk in a very aggressive manner. She said in a calm but very icy tone, “If you think that I will allow you bitches to treat my son that way then you have another thing coming!“ Her voice rose, “I will not, I repeat, Not let my son be subjected to such treatment. What can you people be thinking to force children into such programs? Have you lost your minds? I am leaving. We will think of another way to get him an education.”
Valerie spoke up, “There is no other way, Crystal. No court will side with you and believe me, some mothers have tried but no court in Mississippi will take your side. Its all legal, in fact this program is required by state law for all male students to graduate. No matter what you do, where you go in the state, even if you home school he will have to still complete the program, it will only be for a year, perhaps at most two if he fails and has to retake it. But he will have a lot of support, and Crystal, may I say, your son seems very talented at femininity. He should have no problem with it, My associate Melanie hopes that after he completes it, he wont want to return to being a boy."
Valerie could tell that Crystal was still very angry, but she backed up, thought for a second. It did seem that this school had all of their ends covered legally for this project, It was a state law so no one could really challenge it. She wondered if it ever got up to the state supreme court, she did say every court. She wondered what the federal authorities would say about this. She resolved herself to finding an attorney and finding out what the federal court system or federal authorities would say. But that would have to wait for later, she had to go thought this first.
She said, “Well if that is what we have to do. Let me go out and talk to my son first, we will see if he is willing and if he isn’t, I wont force him to comply.“
As Crystal was walking out, Valerie chimed in, “Then if he is unwilling, he wont graduate. Its as simple as that.”
“There are other ways, I'm sure. Perhaps Georgia, or we can sue, at the federal level. “
It was now Valerie's turn to get angry, her face clouded up in anger, “Things would get very messy then. We don’t let people go to those federal people. Did you hear about three boys from Missouri riding around Mississippi trying to rally people for civil rights, Did you hear about them?”
Crystal stopped cold, “Yes I think I did. Now the FBI is looking for them around this state. No one has heard from them in months.”
Valerie smiled, “Exactly. People, who cause trouble, have ways of disappearing. I advice you strongly not to cause trouble. “
As she stood at the doorway, the blood drained from her face. She felt her knees weaken. Suddenly, this state had turned into something else. Something very sinister and serious. Who were these people here?
The scene that greeted her when she walked out was shocking. It immediatly kicked in her protective nature. Her son was curled up on the bench, shaking and cowering, covering his face as a larger girl hovered over intimidating and teasing him cruelly, she looked to be four years older. Long blonde hair and strong too, telling him he was a sissy and needed to wear a minidress.
“Rene you are a very cute girl why do you need to pretend to be a ’boy’“ she drug the boy out teasingly, “You would look much better in a cute little miniskirt. I bet you wore skirts before didn’t you, and went out dating boys. You are a cute sissy.”
He just cowered and started crying, “I will make sure you went this pageant and be the prettiest girl in school. I will teach you well, Cutey.”
Crystal was upon them now, grabbed The other girl and pushed her away from her son. She moved in between her son and this other aggressive cruel girl. Her son said, “Please mom make Ms. Ashley leave me alone.”
“Ashley is it,” Crystal said angry. Her hand on her hip, facing Ashley with her face clouded in anger. “You were just leaving weren’t you, Ashley. You don’t want to get hurt!”
Ashley grumbled, turned to walk away clearly not wanting to upset this woman any more.
Crystal heard and said, ”What was that? Did you say something?”
Ashley turned around, “You don’t know who I am or who your messing with but, you and your boy will learn some respect soon. Bye bye now.”
She sat on the bench beside her son and embraced him warmly. “It's OK now, Rene. You are safe. I am here now.”
She guessed that Ashley already told Rene what he was going to face and that upset her. She didn’t know exactly what to say now.
He said, “Mom, none of us are safe in this state. They're insane! What can we do here? She told me about this awful project for school that I was selected for and I am not sure what to do. I guess we really have no choice. I want to gradate. What do you think?”
“Well I don’t know exactly. We will figure it out, Rene. I wont make you do this stupid project. You don’t have to go to school.”
“Mom, “ He said with a hint of worry in his voice, “Will you still love me if I were your daughter instead of your son?”
“Yes of course I would love you. Why do you have to ask,” Crystal asked.
“I will compete in this thing, Mother. I think that I have no choice as I do want to graduate from high school so I will comply with this. Please don’t make a big scene, Mom. I don’t want us to get into any big trouble. “
She wasn’t sure but she agreed, “OK, Rene, if you are sure about this then I will let you do this, Until I think it is dangerous or hurting you. Lets go tell Valerie your decision. “
She looked strangely at her boy wondering why he chose to do this project. She wondered if he thought it would be cool being a girl. It seemed he always wanted to but was afraid to, because of teasing, torment from other boys so now she wondered if he thought this might be his chance to without any judgment, because he wasn’t given a choice.
They both stood up and she watched her son gracefully stand up, and started walking into the other office on his own. She thought to herself ‘damn no wonder almost everyone mistakes him for a girl the first time they see him. ‘ It made her very sad that her son's life hasn’t been so happy. She hoped some day she could protect him.
They walked into Valerie’s office together and sat down in front of her desk. Rene spoke first, “Ms Kelly, I will cooperate and participate in this pageant of yours. I have convinced my mother to allow me to despite her misgivings of it all. I will do what ever I have to. Who knows, It might be fun to. I am not one of those overly macho stuck up small minded guys that cant open up to new ideas. “
He and asked, “Valerie, he has agreed to compete in the thing I need to ask you, why do you force boys to compete in a girls beauty pageant, as girls?”
“Rena,“ Valerie, “I am Mistress Fox. You will address all females as Mistress. We do this because we find it sets a good example to the males here. This state has such a history of incredible violence among the males here. There have been so many beatings, needless racist killings here. This brings out the softer side of males, and makes them very respectful of women.”
There was no mistake over Crystals opinion as she spoke very loudly for all to hear, “Valerie this is total crap. We all know it is. Forcing boys into this, would make them angrier and could cause their fathers to react violently, aren’t you afraid, there must have been examples of boys lashing out at their mistresses here.”
Valerie’s face suddenly frowned and she felt intense hostility from her. “Indeed we have, but we have ways of dealing with their violence so it never repeats itself. We have the society. Members are in the state legislator and local governments. There will be no violence tolerated. On the girls here, and Rena we know your history. We wont let any violence be perpetrated on the boy candidates. We will protect you. You do not have to worry about being attacked or hurt unless its for discipline.“
Rene felt a little safer as they wouldn’t allow any bullies to attack him over this, but his mother was quite worried now. She started to see a vile monster in Valerie. Like she was some kind of crime boss of some hateful society. What was all of this all about? Was she in the mob or some Sicilian Cosa Nostra? Where did this power come from?
Then she asked, ”We know what the pageant consists of so can you give us some specific details about the project over what will be required of him?”
“First, you must address all girls and women as Mistress. You will address me as Mistress Kelly. I told you about the elements. There is of course the pageant itself that’s at the end of the year, its usually set for the fall, around April. It has several parts to it. There is the question and answer that is thirty percent of the score. Several judges ask the contestants a question and they answer to the best of their ability. Its usually something about girlhood, femininity, boys, dating. Something usually humiliating for the boy to answer in such a setting. There is the swimsuit competition where they pose in a sexy swimsuit and walk down a runway. There is the sleepwear competition where they wear some lingerie and walk down the runway and the end, a formal gown. Each of those are fifteen percent each. Then there is a talent they perform that is twenty five percent of the score. The Mistress will help her though it all, teaching her what she needs to know to get though it. But, the pageant is just one part of the total project. There is also learning a trade, like cooking, housekeeping, seamstress, something he chooses to learn and perfect. That’s another part, or cheerleading, gymnastics, aerobics, There are a lot of choices. That is the other element that will be before the pageant, he will be graded on his progress and skill at what ever trade he learns and prefects. Another part of the project will be his progress and skill at feminine skill sets, like wardrobe, makeup, shopping, dressing, her hygiene, that will be graded and be taught from day one on though the entire two semesters. She will be taught and trained to do her own makeup, choose her own clothings, picking them out at the stores and buying them, her own makeup too and dressing from day to day in good outfits that match. That isn’t easy in itself to learn and will require a lot of training from his Mistress to perfect. The other part of the project is the dating and romantic. She must choose a guy to go after, date, and maintain a romantic boy/girl relationship with him, as a girl. She will have to go out on dates, of her choosing and she will be graded on her progress of the relationship. How ‘into her’ he is and how romantic it all is. She will have to go to the prom with the boy. There wont be any sex involved that we require, we aren’t running a prostitution service. “
“He will have to serve his Mistress that we appoint. We chosen Ashley Abbot. I think you two met and he will be graded by her and the supervisor, Melanie. His last part is throwing a party for the girls. Serving them as a sort of hostess and maid. He will have to obey everything she says for he is also being graded on his obedience and ability to serve his mistress. The mistresses are also being graded on their ability to maintain control over the boys. That’s about it. “
This was the most perverted thing that Valerie ever heard of. How can they do such things on boys? If the boys were transgender that might be one thing but they do this to perfectly regular guys. That was just wrong. “Valerie, you said something about dating a boy. I don’t think Rene can do that. He has never been into boys so what can we do about that?”
“I told you, Crystal. They are just romantic settings. The dates are supervised and there won’t be sex. Its not allowed, I said we are not running a prostitution service. She wont be a call girl. Most she will be required to do is kissing. There is no sex allowed. They're freshmen. The dates are quietly supervised.“
Rene spoke finely after listening to what would be required from him. He said, “Thank you for explaining it to me. I am sorry for what my mother said, She is just trying to protect me. I accept this but I don’t look forward to being such a sissy and wearing gowns and bras. But I will anyway. When can we start?” He worried even more when he heard her say that his Mistress would be Ashley Abbot.
His smile look to genuine for Valerie, almost like she was looking forward to It all and secretly relishing this. So much the better, perhaps Melanie was right after all. She was still sorry about this. He would stop looking forward after a few weeks. It was very brutal and the girls relished in humiliating and degrading their subjects.
“Lets start right now.“ Valerie spoke into an intercom, “Melanie, can you find Ashley Abbot and come in here please.”
The two came in within a minute and his mom saw a flash of fear come across Rene’s face when he saw Ashley, the girl that had bullied him and humiliated him already. His mom laid a comforting hand on his shoulder and it seemed to calm him down. But he would still face many hours alone with this tough girl. He was still worried, very afraid.
They approached the mother and her child and the girl introduced herself, “We see each other again, girl. I am Ashley Abbot. This is our teacher, Melanie Newman. I will be your Mistress for the year. I will be showing you how to be a pretty graceful girl, I will instruct you how to behave around boys. You will be such a party girl.“
Melanie laughed, “That’s our Ashley. She loves making quiet boys into outgoing party girls, her girls always end up looking very skanky. Your son may end up juggling two or more boyfriends.”
His mother had became very alarmed and Rena laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, “Please don’t make another scene mom. Mistress Fox assured that no sex would be involved.“
Ashley chimed in, “That’s true but he may be expected to perform falateo at various times for her boyfriend. “
The look on Rene's face was unmistakable. He looked revolted. “I hope you wont make me do that, Mistress. “
She smiled, “I was teasing, sissy. But truthfully, some of my sissies have had to do that task. You may be graded on that. Every girl at least does that once in their life for the boy we want to please. If you are really in the mindset, it is an emotional connection to his pleasure, not a sexual act.
It seemed to Rene that there would be sex with a boy after all. He wasn’t sure if he could handle doing oral sex with a boy but it seemed, as with everything else, he wouldn’t be given any choice in the matter. He simply nodded, “I understand, Mistress Abbot. “
“That is good that you understand, Rena. “ Ashley said very confidently. “We will start training tomorrow. See me here at 7:30 Am and we will start. Get a good sleep tonight. “
As they were driving home, His mother spoke up in the silence, half way to their new place Crystal had purchased, “Rene I admire how you made this choice dispite how hard it must seem to you. You have always had lots of resolve but I am not sure if you can really do all of this. Have you really thought about what it will do to you and how harsh and cruel Ashley is?”
“Yes, Mother. She really scares me a lot. I am terrified of Ashley but I don’t see any way out of this. If you find a way out then I will take it. Until then, I will behave meekly for them. It cant be all bad, can It?” His mind was laughing and saying Yes it can be all bad.
Rene had fallen asleep in his new bedroom. They explored the place, and he was surprised. His mother had brought this new house and paid for it. It was one of the biggest places they ever lived, it had a full two stories. He didn’t have much time so he chose one of his mothers silk niteys to wear to bed. He snuggled into his bed and fallen asleep quite fast.
He had slept around three hours before they were awaken suddenly by a loud blast. They both woke and ran down stares to see what happened. Something had broken the front window in, totally shattered it and glass shards were spread across the living room. There was glass and a huge hole in the wall across from the window. It was as if someone had shot a large gun. It happened again, there was a loud blast and he saw across from him the blast from a muzzle out of the window and blast blew across the room again making the hole bigger. It was very scary for him.
Then, the front door broke in and several people that were totally cloaked in sheets grabbed him and his mother and drug them outside. Rene was kicked in the stomach. He felt a dull ache as he doubled over in pain.
He felt his arm wrenched behind him and pressed his face into the cold grown. He tasted the dirt and grass as the woman pressed into him. She snarled, “ You listen here boy and listen good. Your momma better hear this good too. You two better be real good now, hear? She better stop being such a hard case and you better be real nice to the women now. And if some federal boys show up asking weird questions, don’t tell them a thing at all. If we hear you flapping those lips to federal boys then we will have to put you in the ground, boy. Now you think about that. “
He felt one women of the women kick his stomach real hard and then she hit his face. As he was covering his face, the women ran into a car and sped off. His mother ran over to hold him tight. They could see by the brilliant fire in their front yard, there was some symbol on fire towering with flames. Rene was too hurt to tell what It was. To his mother, it looked kind of like a cross but not exactly. There was something like an oval over the cross. She couldn’t tell exactly because of the towering flames. She pulled him inside and called the police.
Comments
what is wrong?
only one vote and no comments and its been up since last night. Does it suck?
disjointed means the story
disjointed means the story does not connect together well. i read lots here and rarely do i comment unless its a great story or the writer has a ahhh shall we say serious flaw in their story. yours is just that.. there would be no way that a company would do a "THE FIRM" on anyone making them move into a violent neighborhood not in the least.... the detailed medical records from a shcool? umm never happens unless of course the school was a military one then i'd expect something like that. i hate to be a massive nay sayer.. but this story is just WRONG!
Give Them Time.
It may take them awhile to get to the story as there are others here.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
The School Project
RAMI
Wargamerguy, you asked why there were no comments and few votes. You asked if it sucked. So I will let you know what I think. I normally do not comment, if I did not like a story, but you asked. I did not vote for the story. It was too dark for me, too much child abuse in this story. This is way beyond normal femdom, or converting a boy into a girl. It will be done with hate and abuse and not love.
The story also seems to be disjointed and does not flow well.
I wish you luck with it, but I probably will not read the rest.
I just rechecked the tags you posted. I think you need to include many more tags, that would truly indicate the nature of your story.
Rami
P.S.
After initially posting this comment, I checked to see what other stories you had posted here. I scaned Kyle's Ordeal and the comments to that story. You had many comments about tags at that time. Since it was your first story, and you professed confusion about tags, it was okay then. It seems that you did not heed those remarks. It seems that doing so was intentional and an attempt to deceive your readers. I will not be reading you again.
RAMI
Read my sig
Nuff said.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
i added the tags
There is no deception but I have solved the Tag Problem. but since you said you dont like harsher style of stories, I might say that you would be well adviced to stay away from my stories. I do tend to go to the darker side of fiction. Like Stephen King and the sort. But at least, you cant accuse of me of being decietful.
It doesn't sound like the violence in the town ...
... was new and it also seemed as if the evidence of it was highly visable. Why would Crystal buy a home there in the first place? When they drove into town and saw the burning and hanging, why didn't they just keep going? I would think a mother as protective as Crystal is written would have. If that wasn't enough, why would Rene voluntarily put himself under the control of an obviously cruel girl who with just a few words had almost made him go comatose, and a teacher who obviously was happy with her student turning out "skanky" girls, and why would a mom like crystal allow it even if he did? Regardless of the subject matter, their staying just doesn't make sense. A job wouldn't be enough to keep a mom as protective as Crystal there.
"All the world really is a stage, darlings, so strut your stuff, have fun, and give the public a good show!" Miss Jezzi Belle at the end of each show
BE a lady!
Relocation
To continue the though, what kind of company would knowingly require someone to move into an area that was having such obivous problems and who would want to work for a company that did no matter how well they paid.
But this was where her job moved them and it was the only thing they could do if they wanted to keep making a good living.
A secondary issue that is a bit nit picky concerns Rene's school records. I doubt that school records contain that detailed of medical information. Those sound more like medical records than school records.
If the mother was smart she wouldn't even bother unpacking the car and just head for whatever state line is closest. They can't possibly get out of there quick enough.
Michelle B
Locating a company
As I thought of the mother's job move I was reminded of a movie line from "In the Heat of the Night".
I don't care what he is. If it wasn't for him, your impartial chief of police would still have the wrong man behind bars. I want that officer given a free hand, otherwise I will pack up my husband's engineers...and leave you...to yourselves.
Leaving these people to themselves seems to be an eminently wise choice as they seem to deserve each other.
Michelle B
Looks like this could be a
Looks like this could be a fine story, but it's to early to tell. There is not much there yet.
I think I see where your heading with this and it could be good
The violence, the idiocy/one-sidednes/injustice of the school requirements for males vs the females, the attitudes of the women in charge, the local governement, the not-so-secret society of women pulling the strings of government from behind the scenes and the murdered rights advocates screams of parallels to the late 1950’s early 1960’s civil rights movement in the southern USA down to the church bombings and murdering of some of the Freedom Riders.
I agree on the face of it, with all the violence and riots, the company transferring them there is insane unless that decision was influenced by the KKK-like women’s secret society. That could also explain them having the boy’s medical records. .
You are writing in a difficult *notch*. It’s not just that may people have *their buttons pushed* by forced fem and by gross injustice/child abuse. Still if you can pull this off you have a wonderful opportunity. Remember how the Salem Witch Hunts where used to satirize and criticize the Communist Witch Hunts of the late 40’s/50’s, read The Crucible if you have not.
I am not, well yes I am but call it a suggestion not a demand, telling you how to write this but ideally, unless this is intended as a totally dark piece, you need the boy or the boys somehow to get justice in the end. The women *on the fence* in this conspiracy need to go one way or the other and the truly evil/sick ones need to get theirs. Some good people may die or get permanently hurt, some nasty people may escape unscathed but you need this to be more than just *the process*.
If you can make the story *complete* you will have improved as a writer and silence most of any critics. Too many stories get bogged down in *the Process* IE the method by how the victim is transformed/tortured/etc and forget or never complete the overall theme/message of the story.
I personally prefer a happy ending but a bittersweet and even dark ending are acceptable even memorable if well done and the reader knows why the major characters acted as they did.
Think motivations and you will do well.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
REVISIONS NEED REVISIONS
Hi there,
You will need someone to proof read your story please.
You may have different views/ideas on stories to most people but that can mean great reading if handled well, however you must maintain spelling and grammar standards for us to hang in there and read it!
So far it is disjointed, badly composed and terrible grammar.
But, don't give up, there is something hidden in there that may make a good story.
looking forward to some improvements.
LoL
Rita
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)
LoL
Rita
how do I make the story better Joined together
I really dont know what it means when someone says its disjointed.