Skantily Clad

by Maeryn Lamonte Copyright © 2025

A Star Trek Next Generation fanfic with an homage to all those blokes who put on a skant (I know, horrible name. I think it’s meant to derive from a merging of skirt and pants, although I thought that was supposed to be the equally dreadful skort) in the name of gender equality. A short-lived experiment that lasted all of season one then disappeared. Here’s maybe an insight into why:

"Good morning John, thank you for coming."

"It's not as if I had much of a choice is it?"

"I'm sensing a considerable amount of hostility from you, John, and I'm not sure I understand why."

"Well you wouldn't, would you? I mean you're used to people being in your head. Personally, I don't want anyone else sharing my thoughts."

Deanna ducked her head, hiding her efforts to suppress her smile behind her dark curls.

"I'm only half Betazoid, John. I can only sense emotions. In order to be able to sense and send thoughts I would have to work hard for some time with an individual who trusts me. Since you evidently don't trust me, you have nothing to fear from my reading your mind. In fact, with the intensity of your current feelings it's hard for me to sort anything of out what's going on in your mind, though I do sense an emotional turmoil in you."

"Yeah, well you can leave that alone!" John snapped.

"Of course."

"I don't even know why I'm here."

"Every new crew member has an initial meeting with the ship's counsellor, John. For most it's a one off to make sure they're content in their new position, but others will benefit from multiple sessions..."

"Not me!"

"Yes, well that remains to be seen. You have to understand, John, my task here is to ensure that everyone feels as settled as possible. You'll have studied psychology in your time in the Starfleet Academy?"

"You know I did. Everyone does."

"Please, John, there's no need to be so defensive. I'm not trying to catch you out or anything..."

"Why do you keep repeating my name? It's very off-putting."

"It helps me, J... Sorry. If it bothers you, I'll try and stop, but it helps me to associate your name with your face."

"I don't see why you're making such an effort. This is a big ship and I'm going to be spending most of my time on the lower decks, so the chances of us meeting that often are pretty remote."

"Again, we'll see. Now, back to what I was trying to say – nice try with the deflection by the way – what do you remember from psychology one oh one, specifically about Abraham Maslow?"

"Early twentieth century psychologist who proposed the idea of the hierarchy of needs."

"A concept which human psychology still considers to be relevant today. Can you recall what the different needs are that he proposed?"

"Physiological, safety, love and belonging, self-esteem and self-actualisation."

"That's the traditional order, agreed, although not set in stone. Some people consider self-esteem to be more fundamental than love and belonging, and in the past others have reached a level of self-actualisation despite living in poverty with all the physiological implications associated with that. Tell me, what is the relevance of the hierarchy of needs?"

"Maslow said that people tend to function at the lowest level of unfulfilled need. If you're cold and hungry, you're prepared to take risks to meet those needs. If you're being chased by something with sharp teeth and claws, you're not going to be that bothered about whether your girlfriend or boyfriend still loves you."

"Nicely put. In the past, it was thought that not many people reached a level of self-actualisation, but in the current age, we try to enable as many people as possible to do so, and that it essentially my purpose on board this ship. Most people have no difficulty with the first three levels, finding, if not always love, then at least a sense of belonging. Self-esteem is a level that a few people still struggle with, and that is where I come in. If I sense a degree to which you are struggling to appreciate yourself as an individual, and I'm sorry John, I do with you, then in total confidentiality and with no reflection on your Starfleet record, I am here to help you come to terms with whatever is that’s holding you back."

"Why? What do you, or Starfleet for that matter, get out of it?"

"We get another crew member who is able to apply their own measure of creativity, spontaneity and morality to their role in the ship's operation. We also get more individuals with the capacity to advance. It's as much in our interests as it is yours."

"Yes, well..." John could feel himself calming.

"Interesting," Deanna said, cocking her head on one side.

"What's interesting? Stay out of my head."

"I can't help it, John. Sorry, I promise I am trying not using your name so much. You have to understand though, my empathic ability is a little like a sense of smell or hearing. I can't turn it off. I promise, I have no idea what you're thinking, but what you're feeling, your mix of emotions, that's a totally different matter.

"John, this is the twenty-fourth century, not the twenty-first. All the unpleasantness associated with the emergence of homosexuality and transgender behaviour has been dealt with and there is no stigma associated with being either. You know this, surely."

John didn't react other than to drop his head into his hands.

"John?"

"You don't understand."

Deanna picked up a data pad and touched a few contacts on the dynamic LCARS display.

"This would be your Mennonite background."

"You're in my head again."

"No, I'm in your Starfleet records. I'm aware the Mennonites have a fairly narrow views where homo and trans-sexuality are concerned. I imagine you were brought up to share those same beliefs."

John raised his head and looked at the ship's counsellor. His face showed no emotion.

"And as we've already discussed, you cannot keep your emotions hidden from me any more than I can prevent myself from seeing them. I feel your sense of shame, John, but it really is not deserved. You are the way you are because of the way you were made – the way God made you, if that's what you prefer to believe,"

"You think I don't know that? I studied genetics in Starfleet as well, and as a part of the course we all agreed to be tested for certain genetic conditions with a view that we could then see the effect in our classmates. I tested positive for the SRD5A2 allele related to the transgender condition, as well as a few other related mutations."

"Yes, I see it in your notes here. So, you know that your body chemistry codes for a form of the 5aR2 enzyme that is not effective in allowing your brain to take on testosterone. Your body develops as male, but your brain takes on decidedly female characteristics, which incidentally is what I'm sensing now that you have calmed down a little."

"Like I say, I know all that. Well, apart from that last bit, but it doesn't surprise me. Only there's a distance between what the head knows to be true and what the heart feels to be so."

"Which do you believe?"

"I don't know how to answer that question."

"No, I can feel that in you. Your heart, as you call it, is the part of you that reacts intuitively. It is most affected by those things you experienced while you were growing up. It doesn't rely on reason so much as what you might call feeling.

"Most women experience and remember a great deal of fine detail and so associations between past experiences an1d present are considerably more subtle and so sensed rather than reasoned. This is often described as women's intuition and is a favoured approach to problem solving by many of us. We don't need to know why something is right in order to be certain it is right. We simply trust our feelings to make the link.

"For many men the opposite is true. They need to work out the logic of the situation, to be able to justify in their own minds why something the suspected as true actually is true. This is the head knowledge you're describing.

"In your case, you have the capacity for both – actually, that's true of all of us, men and women, but with a tendency for us to be more strongly biased one way or another by our brain's structure.

"I suspect in your case that your mind is slightly more heavily weighted towards the intuitive approach, so while you have a strong capacity for logic and reason, you still find yourself trusting your instinctive side. How do you feel about that?"

"It feels right, though I'm not sure what I can do with it."

"Yes, but that's what I'm here for. John, you have an amazing potential when it comes to contributing to the working of this ship. Do you know what your assignment is yet?"

"Yes, I've been assigned to helm control."

"Which is a highly complex and critical part of the ship's operation. The helmsmen have their consols on the bridge. They touch a few keys and everyone expects this whole ship to respond, to turn and move as directed, but none of it would happen without you and other crew members like you maintaining and repairing all the systems that make it possible. You're responsible for the inertial damping system, without which we'd all be squashed into jelly every time the ship tried to go anywhere under impulse or warp..."

"I know what my job is, counsellor. I'm extremely good at it, which is how come I've been assigned to Starfleet's flagship. What I still don't understand is why I need you to tell me any of it."

"I'm sorry, John, I get a little carried away sometimes. Of course you don't need me, or anyone else, to tell you about your job, or how good you are at it, but the reason you are so good at it is that your brain combines both elements of human problem solving. You have your logical male head which allows you to put together a systematic approach to diagnostics and maintenance, but you also have a female intuitive heart which makes you invaluable in a crisis – when there's no time to think things through, you'll have that gut feeling that tells you when something is wrong and what you need to do to fix it. You do have that capacity, don't you John?"

"My systems instructor told me I was naturally gifted when it came to complex ships systems, that I had a rare feel for them."

"That side of you comes from your more feminine heart. The side that you have because of the variation in your SRD5A2 gene and quite possibly a few other genetic variations.

"It's sadly ironic that the same instinctive sense that makes you such a good helm technician is also what makes you feel such deep shame. Your upbringing among strictly religious people has indoctrinated you with a number of negative ideas, specifically attitudes towards trans and homosexuals, and you'll have to watch out for a tendency towards being prejudicial towards those kinds of people."

"I'm not prejudiced."

"No? Then why do you feel such great guilt about your own feminine feelings."

"Because I'm a man."

"A man with the rare gift of being able to think and feel like a woman. You must know there is no stigma attached to such a thing. Very much to the contrary, in our modern age we have come to value such a capacity. You might be surprised to know how many people like you we have onboard Enterprise at present."

"You're telling me I can't trust my feelings?"

"In this one very specific instance, I would urge you to default to your logical side and accept that your feelings on this matter have been... misdirected."

"By my Mennonite upbringing?"

"Yes, unless you still feel yourself to be a part of the Mennonite community."

"My parent's tried to stop me joining Starfleet. They said it was filled with liberal thinking and that I'd lose my way if I joined."

"You evidently didn't agree."

"Of course not! I joined Starfleet, didn't I?"

"Yes," Dianna looked at her tablet again. "Against the express wishes of your parents, your grandparents and your community elders. They all wrote to the recruiting office to insist you not be permitted to join."

"That's so backward. I don't understand why they allow communities like them to continue on Earth if their influence is as damaging as you say."

"It all falls under the prime directive. If we are going to respect the beliefs of the primitive cultures we encounter out here in space, then we should also respect the beliefs of the primitive cultures within our own race."

"You're not even human."

"I'm half human and I consider myself as much a part of the human race as the Betazoid race. I get to belong to both which is my bonus for having mixed parents."

"Do you always look for the positive?"

"When it comes to embracing who I am and helping other embrace who they are, absolutely. Remember Abraham Maslow? Self-esteem is important.

"Accepting yourself and even celebrating yourself for all the many ways your individual differences make you better is essential if you are to take that next step to self-actualisation."

"How do you suggest I do that?"

"What do you know about uniform regulations in Starfleet?"

"Enough to know that you don't conform to them."

"But I do. The uniform regulations permit some recognition of alien ethnicity. You must have seen that Warf wears a baldric that marks him out as Klingon. My choice to wear Betazoid clothing, albeit in Starfleet colours, is mine.

"Anyway, you'll be aware of the choices open to you."

"I think I can see where this is going. You want me to wear a skant."

"The choice is entirely yours, John, but I do think it'll help. It'll most likely intensify the sense of wrong you feel over the issue and make it easier for you to confront it."

"I wouldn't want people laughing at me."

"Fine. Would it make a difference if I changed my appearance and wore one?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Alright, I'll do that. And when you see that no-one is laughing at me, perhaps that'll encourage you."

"It's a dress, it was designed for women. Why would anyone laugh at you?"

"It is a dress and it was originally designed for women. A hundred years ago it was the standard female uniform in Starfleet, but now all uniforms are unisex. You'd be surprised at how many of the Enterprise crew have a skant in their wardrobe, and at how many of them are men."

"I don't know."

"Well, like I say, it's up to you John. I'll switch to wearing one so you can see how little it affects the way our colleagues onboard relate to me and you can make up your mind in time.

"Anyway, it looks like we've spent enough time talking for today. I'd like to schedule another session for a few weeks’ time. We're due to arrive at Farpoint station in a few days and the crew will be permitted a little shore leave. Even if you don't feel ready for this – and I understand if you don't – then at least look around you. A lot of our male crewmembers use shore leave as an excuse to switch things about, especially when the planet temperature is a little on the high side. I challenge you to count the number of crew – men in particular – that you can see on the planet's surface who decide to wear a skant for their time away from the ship.

"For now, it was very nice to meet you, John, and I look forward to our next session."

"Counsellor Troi?"

"John, come in. It's good to see you again, and wow, don't you have a spectacular pair of legs?"

John blushed as he settled into the seat opposite. He took care to rearrange his clothing as he did so, which wasn't entirely necessary since his uniform's skirt, whilst short, had a pair of skintight shorts sewn into it. The uniform matched the counsellor’s in every way except colour, his being the deep red of command and helm, hers being the blue of science and medical.

"I could say the same for you counsellor, except I'd be worried about overstepping a boundary."

"Nonsense John. The whole purpose of this uniform design is to permit individuals the freedom of expression to put their bodies on display. If you wear one, you're almost certain to invite observations from others, so it would hardly seem appropriate to consider such observations, especially when they're complimentary, to be in any way an overstepping of boundaries as you put it."

"But the only reason you're wearing that uniform is to encourage me to do the same. I shouldn't assume that you're open to receiving such compliments."

"On Betazed we are far more open to expressions of a sexual nature. Imagine, if you will, an entire culture where individuals are incapable of keeping their thoughts and feelings to themselves. We have had to learn to accept the expressed judgements of others – even when they aren't complimentary."

"That sounds awful!"

"Not at all. Oh, I suppose it might have been, but we Betazoids learn from an early age to be positive in our outlook towards others and to accept the rare negative thoughts we encounter as either an encouragement to improve ourselves or as an indication that the person projecting those thoughts has a problem.. I've grown up with a deep appreciation of spoken compliments such as yours, Being only half Betazoid, I was only ever able to hear the thoughts of close family.

"Anyway, we're not here to talk about me. Let's talk about you. I assume you followed my advice at Farpoint? At least before the problems started."

"Yes, although I'm afraid I was rather sceptical at first, at least until I beamed down with the first group on the surface and, well..."

"Well?"

"I could hardly believe it. There were dozens of crewmen wearing skants – probably more men than women. And it was like you said just now, pretty much everyone wearing a skant – men and women – had other crewmembers giving them compliments. Everyone was smiling and people started pairing off pretty quickly. Men with women, men with men, women with women..."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Conflicted, I have to admit."

"Good. It's good that you can be honest, especially here with me. Go on."

"Well, it's like you said last time. I was taught to believe that things like that were bad. Relationships should be between men and women only, so it felt wrong to see two people of the same sex holding hands like that and kissing even, but..."

"Yes?"

"Well, it's like with guys wearing dresses. I was taught that it was wrong and I've always felt terrible having these feelings inside me that make me want to do it. I've always had a sense that if I were to dress like this, I'd be judged by everyone I met, but after seeing so many guys doing it and being so totally accepted by everyone they met, it started to feel like the things I was taught were a lie, And if my beliefs about what men should wear might be wrong, maybe my beliefs about who men and women should be with could be too.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, it took me quite a few days after we left Farpoint to pluck up the courage to replicate a uniform like this and wear it on duty, and I spent all day waiting for the hammer to fall, for my supervisor or one of the command team to pull me to one side and tell me I was out of line, but it never happened.

"More than that, I've noticed people eyeing me up – I mean both men and women."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"Well, maybe a little awkward about the guys who've been showing me interest. I mean I don't have the same hangups about same sex relationships anymore, at least I don't think I do, but I'm not ready to be involved with another man."

"How about the women though? Are you interested in any of them at all?"

"Yes, but I've never felt comfortable approaching women. I feel so nervous and scared."

"What are you scared of John?"

"Rejection? I mean, I know it sounds silly, but if I were to ask a girl out for a drink and she were to say no, it'd be the worst, you know?"

"A bit like the way you expected people to react to your wearing that uniform?"

"Maybe, a bit. I don't know."

"The desire to be seen in a feminine light is inside you, John. It's a part of who you are. It's what makes you want to look attractive, so you can draw attention to yourself. That sense of judgement inside you that's made you feel it was wrong to be like that has to have given you a fear of being rejected."

"Yes, but that would have been rejection by everyone because I'd done something wrong. I mean, I get that it's not wrong now. No-one on Enterprise thinks I'm wrong because I choose to look like this, so I feel less like they're going to reject me because of how I look, and the more I go about like this and no-one seems to mind, the less I feel it's wrong.

"With a girl I like it would be so much worse. It wouldn't be just anyone turning away from me – that would be easier to live with even after a few days like this because it would be only one person having a problem with me when nearly everyone else doesn't. When I find a woman I'm attracted to – and it doesn't happen that often – it's like my attraction to them makes the whole thing more important from the outset. If someone I think is special were to turn me down, it'd be kind of like seeing my hopes crushed. Maybe more of a confirmation that my feelings about being wrong were justified. I couldn't just shrug it off."

"That feels a bit like a feminine response to rejection, John. Women have tended to take the passive role when it comes to relationships, and there are a lot of reasons for that, some of them to do with how women relate to one another in a platonic sense, but there's also a degree of becoming vulnerable.

"Men tend to be better a dealing with it. In a lot of cases, it comes down to men finding it easier to build up their self-confidence, so if a girl turns them down, they can usually shrug it off and think it isn't them who was at fault. They can also build up sort of emotional calluses, so they don't feel that sense of rejection.

"There's a downside to that. A lot of men who are genuinely obnoxious don't find this out about themselves because their self-confidence makes it impossible for them to consider the fault lies with them, and a lot of men who've built up a resilience against deep feelings are unable to embrace the depth of acceptance that comes in a relationship because they've built up their defences against the possibility of rejection.

"Personally, I think you're in the better position. Being vulnerable means you risk being hurt, but it also means you open yourself up to the possibility of deep meaningful love, and fortunately for you, you live in an age where you as a man can take the passive role in the dating game. By making yourself attractive and vulnerable, you're likely to find more individuals approaching you, so the risk of rejection is lessened.

"Of course there's a downside. There are pros and cons to whichever role you take – you just have to decide which downside you're more able to cope with."

"So what's the downside of taking the passive role?"

"For one thing, the effort of looking attractive. If you don't do it right, you're not going to attract anyone, or worse, you'll attract the wrong sort of person. For another thing, all the while you're out there trying to attract the attention of someone you like, you're also going to attract the attention of a lot of people you won't like, which means you're going to have to get used to saying no, and possibly seeing in others that sense of being crushed by rejection you're so scared of every now and again. For another thing, there may be one person you particularly like who won't seem to notice you no matter how hard you try, either because they're a bit dim, or more likely because they're not interested. You're probably more likely to end up settling for second or, if you're unlucky, even third best."

"How does it work? I mean when someone shows some interest in me, how can I show them I'm interested in them?"

Deanna shrugged. "Try smiling back? Work on your body language. How you sit and stand says a lot about whether or not you're available to some people. With women especially, be prepared to meet in middle."

"What do you mean?"

"Women have more of a tendency to take the passive role. They tend to feel the same crushing rejection when they're turned down, so they are more likely to wait to be asked. So maybe if someone you find attractive smiles at you and your smiling back doesn't seem to have any effect, then make a bit of a move.

"You could even start off with something like, 'I've been trying to pluck up the courage to come and talk to you, but I'm kind of scared you'll say no.' Women understand vulnerability, probably as well as you do, John. If any of them still turn you down, it'll be more likely in a friendly way that'll leave you intact."

"Wow" I never expected to get dating advice from the ships counsellor."

"Why not? A lot of people find their self-esteem growing in the context of a mutually supportive relationship. If helping you find your way into one of them helps you to reach that next level up on the pyramid, then that has to be an aspect of me doing my job.

"We've probably done as much as we can for this session, John. Do you feel another session might help?"

"Well, these last two have helped immensely, so maybe yes."

"Alright, well why don't we leave it for a few weeks? If you feel the need to come back for a session at any time, let me know, otherwise, I'll be in touch to see how you're getting on. How does that sound?"

"Pretty good, counsellor."

"Deanna. In here it's Deanna."

"Alright. Deanna?"

"Yes John?"

"Don't feel like you have to keep wearing a skant if you don't want to. You put one on to encourage me to give it a go. Consider me encouraged."

"Alright John. Thank you. I'll see you again in a few weeks’ time."

"Hi John, good to see you again."

"Hello counsellor..."

"John." Said in a light-hearted admonishing tone.

"I'm sorry, Deanna. It feels a little disrespectful though."

"Well, whatever you feel most comfortable with then. It's good to see you still sporting the skort, and congratulations on the commendation. You have to tell me about that."

"Oh, it wasn't anything much."

"Not from what I heard. I mean it sadly took second place in the official report after all the mayhem that went on down in engineering, but from what I understand it was no less important."

"What did happen in engineering? I've been hearing all sorts of stories about what went on, most of which conflict."

"It's not really good use of our time, John, but I'll do you a deal. I'll tell you what happened in engineering if you tell me what happened in helm control."

"Okay, I suppose that's fair."

"Well, it was all down to the same thing. The gravity fluctuations altering the properties of water so it behaved more like alcohol and the whole thing being passed on through touch because of the way it made affected individuals sweat. That's what happened to the entire crew of the SS Tsiolkovsky resulting in them all losing control and causing an event that killed them all.

"Geordi la Forge was patient zero for us. He came in physical contact with a member of the Tsiolkovsky crew who'd frozen to death in a shower, then he passed it on to a lot of people before we even had much of an idea what was happening.

"One affected person was Wesley Crusher who managed to trick his way into engineering and set up a force field that stopped anyone from getting into him. One of the other engineers, who was also affected, ended up inside the engineering controls with Wesley and pulled out all the isolinear control chips for the propulsion systems. By the time the chief engineer managed to short out the force field Wesley had set up as a barrier, the red giant we'd been observing collapsed and threw out an immense mass of material, a considerable amount of which was heading our way.

"Data set about putting the control chips back where they belonged, but he predicted it would take him just a minute or so more time to complete than we had before the mass of star material hit the enterprise and destroyed it. Wesley was able to reconfigure the Enterprise's tractor beam into a repulsor beam and pushed the Tsiolkovsky into the oncoming mass, slowing it down fractionally and pushing us away just enough to allow Data to complete his task meaning we were able engage impulse engines and move out of the way just before it hit us."

"Now I really feel that what I did was nothing in comparison."

"Tough luck. We made a deal, now it's your turn."

"Well, alright. I mean, it's like you said, the infection spread through the whole ship. Pretty much all my detail was infected and while we were dead in space, my supervisor decided it would be fun to dismantle all the steering linkages."

"You're going to have to explain that to me. I mean I know a fair bit about the ship's systems, but as counsellor, I don't have a particularly detailed knowledge of how the different systems work."

"Well, how much do you know about how the steering works on the ship?"

"As I said, very little. I would imagine manoeuvring thrusters?"

"For very low speeds at impulse that would be so, but at higher speeds they just wouldn't work. Like steering a very large ship at sea with a very small rudder. It would work, but not quickly enough. For improved manoeuvrability we have a gimbled neutronium rich reaction mass at the ships centre of mass."

"How does that work?"

"Well, you know how a falling cat always lands on its feet?"

"What has this got to do with cats?"

"Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. Whenever we move, we have to push against something. I walk anywhere, it's the friction between my boots and the deck that allows me to push myself forward by pushing the ship backwards.

Because the ship is so much bigger than me, I don't have a noticeable effect on the ship."

"Yes, that's physics one-oh-one. Conservation of momentum. That's why I mentioned the manoeuvring thrusters because in space you have to push something one way in order to go the other way yourself."

"Yes, although it’s a little different with rotation. Again, usually, it's the friction between my boots and the deck that does it. I twist to go one way and the ship twists very slightly to go the other way.

"In space, like with a falling cat, there is nothing to push against. A cat doesn't have manoeuvring thrusters..."

"Of course not."

"...but it does have a very flexible spine, and a tail it can rotate. If it's upside down when it's falling, it will twist the front half of its body one way and the back half the other way until its front paws are facing downwards, and it will then flail its tail in a direction that allows it to untwist the rear half of its body so that by the time it reaches the ground, its front paws land first and it can then twist against the ground to bring its rear paws round the rest of the way. They won't have far to go.

"In short, if you connect two objects of similar mass floating in space, when you cause one of them to rotate in one direction, the other will rotate in the other.

"You know the Enterprise has a mass of four and a half million metric tonnes?"

"Yes."

"You probably don't know that one million metric tonnes of that mass is made up of a small ball of material not much larger than a football that is infused with a large quantity of neutronium – you know the material neutron stars are made of?"

"Okay."

"Pure neutronium with that mass would only be about a millimetre across and rather difficult to manipulate, so it's blended into a sort of an alloy to give it a more manageable size and link it into a field reenforced gimble. The captain wants to dip the nose down, we spin the rotational reaction mass up about the left-right axis. he wants to bank right, we spin left about the for-aft axis. He wants to yaw right, we spin left about the up-down axis. All relatively sedate when the ship is in one piece, but with a lot more manoeuvrability when the saucer section is separated from the stardrive section. The saucer section continues with manoeuvring thrusters because its meant to be a lifeboat for non-combatants. The stardrive section is half the mass so twice as easy to turn.

"What my superior decided to do – and bear in mind, we were all of us under the influence of that strange substance – was to start dismantling the gimble that holds the reaction mass. That's something that should never be done outside of space dock. If we'd been able to use the impulse engines while the gimble was partly dismantled, the reaction mass would have torn out of its housing and smashed its way out through the back of the ship, quite probably killing quite a few crew and damaging vital systems on the way."

"So, what did you do?"

"I tried to argue with my superior, but she just laughed at me and told me I was relieved and to go to my quarters. I knew I couldn't leave her and the rest of the team to dismantle the reaction mass, so I went to the nearest weapons locker, overrode the locking mechanism and armed myself. After I stunned my supervisor and my colleagues, I put the gimble mechanism back together and activated the integrity field just as the captain ordered the impulse engines engaged."

"That raises so many questions John. How did you open the weapons locker?"

He shrugged. "New crew members spend a few weeks shadowing groups from other departments. I think the idea is to give us a clearer overview of all the different things that happen onboard, and maybe let us know that we're maybe not the most important people here – as if I'd be likely to make that assumption.

"Anyway, I spent a few days shadowing a security detail and I noticed a link between the rotating code the section leader used to access the security systems and the duty roster. I thought about reporting it to Lieutenant Yar, but I didn't want to get anyone in trouble so I didn't.

"The security section duty roster isn't restricted, so I asked the computer for the current information and used that to work out Junior Lieutenant Henson's access code. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't consider it an emergency."

"No, John, I'm not criticising you, although I may want you to speak to Lieutenant Yar after this."

"I still don’t want to get anyone in trouble."

"I understand, but you have identified a weakness in our security protocols which we do need to address."

"What if, in the future, an ordinary crewman like myself needs access to a weapon? There should be a way to permit it. Perhaps a special selection of phasers that can only be set to stun, and that can be disabled by the computer with a security override."

"That sounds like a sensible idea. Perhaps you should raise it with Lieutenant Yar when you speak to her."

"Yes counsellor."

"Dianna, please."

"Sorry counsellor, not when you're giving me an order."

"I'm giving you a suggestion."

"I doubt I'll have much choice about speaking to Lieutenant Yar, or about explaining how I managed to do what I did."

"No, I suppose not," Deanna sighed. "Perhaps we could get on to some of my other questions. Why do you think the polywater didn't affect you?"

"What do you mean? It did affect me."

"But you didn't lose control like everyone else."

"Well, everyone reacts differently to alcohol, Dianna. We don't realise it these days because all anyone drinks is synthohol. Okay, maybe not everyone, but most people in Starfleet steer clear of Romulan ale, Saurian brandy and the like. The thing is, it takes an incident like this to remind us we all respond differently."

"But almost everyone lost control, John. You must have been one of the very rare exceptions who didn't."

"Yes, but look at the different ways people lost control. I've heard of a lot of my crewmates losing their sexual inhibitions and just started making love wherever they were. Others started acting childishly and irresponsibly, like the engineer who pulled out all the isolinear chips, but from what you said about Mr Crusher, he was still very much in his right mind. He was under the influence of the polywater variant when he tricked the engineers away from their station and put up the force field.

"In my case, I knew I was intoxicated and was barely able to talk or even walk, but it was like there was an inner core to myself that remained clear headed and aware of the dangers inherent in what my colleagues were doing. I missed several times when I was shooting at them, but fortunately for me – for all of us – they were no better at avoiding my shots than I was at aiming them. I was also extremely uncoordinated when it came to reassembling the gimble linkages. I had to come up with a number of improvisations to enable me to put the right things in the right place."

"But you did it, and we were able to avert a secondary disaster because of it.

"The captain is intrigued to know why you didn't call for help in reassembling the steering systems."

"The captain?"

"He reads these reports, John. It was him who approved your commendation."

"Oh, of course. It's just that there are so many of us. I never expected him to pay me any personal attention."

"Well he did, and he'd like an answer."

"Of course. I suppose I figured with so many of the crew out of action due to the polywater, I'd be more likely to have to fight off anyone who was sent to help me than get any useful help from them. Beyond that, I heard enough over the intercom to realise that we absolutely had to move as soon as we were able. If I'd called for even the shortest delay, the ejecta from the star would have hit us. Even moving without steering would have saved us."

"The chief engineer's assessment was that you would have definitely have been killed if you hadn't finished the reassembly in time."

"Yes, that sounds about right."

"You showed incredible bravery, John."

"I was under the influence of the polywater variant, Deanna. I probably wasn't making logical judgements at the time."

"Well, you can play down your involvement as much as you like. I'm impressed and I know for a fact that everyone else who has read the full report is too. Keep this up and it won't be long before you start rising up through the ranks.

"But that's not what you came to talk to me about, is it? We still have time, so why don't you tell me what's on your mind?"

"It was that last planet we visited, Ligon II. I mean, you know we all hear about what happens on away missions, whether it's an officially issued briefing or just ship's scuttlebutt?"

"I suppose so. What did you hear?"

"Oh something about Lieutenant Yar having to fight the planet's queen to the death or something. I'm assuming it all worked out because we ended up with a couple of cargo holds full of much needed vaccine."

"Yes, it all worked out for the best. But if that has nothing to do with what concerns you then..."

"It was the social structure they talked about on Ligon II, the way the women own all the land and choose their First One from among the men who is then responsible for protecting and ruling the land."

"If you're concerned about the gender differences of the Ligonians, then you needn't be worried, You'll know from Earth history that men and women from all cultures were segregated in many ways – socially, economically, in what they were and were not permitted to do, in what they were permitted, or in some cases expected, to wear. We've outgrown that to the extent that even the clothes you're wearing demonstrate the degree of equality we enjoy in the modern era. No-one is constrained by their gender in the life they lead.

"You'll find that in many primitive cultures, John, and even in gregarious animals. One gender establishes superiority over the other – usually physical – and establishes a means of maintaining it. For people that usually involves establishing laws to keep the subordinate gender subdued. Eventually, society becomes less aggressive and the subjugated gender finds enough protection within the law that it feels able to hold out for equal rights."

"It's not that. I mean, perhaps in part. The Ligonians showed a far greater distinction between their different genders and had laws that restricted men and women from switching roles, but that only helped to show that there are differences between the two genders. The more our society has progressed towards gender equality, the harder it's become to recognise that there is actually a difference between men and women. I mean, physically obviously, not that our physical differences influence our chosen directions in life since we have so many technological aids these days that limited strength or dexterity don't prevent us from doing what we wish – having a man's strength wouldn't give me any advantage in manipulating the million-tonne directional core of the Enterprise, for instance.

"Psychologically, though, the differences are far more distinct. Even with complete freedom to choose, there are certain professions that remain dominated by men and others that are dominated by women. Because each appeals more psychologically to one gender more than the other. Socially there are differences too. I mean. as you explained, dressing like this signals that I'm more inclined to take a passive role in matters of the heart..."

Dianna suppressed a smile at John's choice of words.

"...but there are so many other social instances where men and women tend to group by gender, where someone trying to join in from the opposite half of humanity disturbs the dynamic."

"John, there are times when women just want to be with other women – the same as men wanting their guy time."

"That's exactly it though. What if I don't feel like I belong with the men in that respect? What if those times I want to let down my hair – and let's face it, Starfleet regulations don't allow me to have a lot of that – I feel that I belong with the girls?"

"Your hair is quite lovely, and a large proportion of women choose to keep theirs short these days..."

"You don’t. Doctor Crusher doesn't. None of the men I've encountered on this ship have grown theirs long because regulations restrict it."

"It's a practicality issue, John. Zero gravity and long hair don't mix. Beverly and I don't have much occasion to go outside the ship's gravity generators, and I suppose it's a sort of vanity thing for women..."

"It would be for me too, and I could always tie it up any time I had to spend time around the inertial core. But that's a minor issue. I like that women approach me now and ask me out, but in the end what they see in me is a guy with girly tendencies. It's not enough. It's not the way I see myself. Before I came on Enterprise, I didn't think it was okay to be like this, but you showed me it was.

Now... it's not enough. This isn't who I am either."

"I can sense that, John. At least I can sense something of the turmoil you are feeling at present. I could possibly have a word with the captain and see if we can arrange a special dispensation for your hair, like Beverly and I have."

"It's not... I mean, yes, it would be appreciated if you could arrange for the dispensation regarding the hair, but that's not the issues here."

"Then perhaps you could help me to understand. I can sense that this causes you a considerable amount of anguish, but I cannot sense anything more than that."

"It's... I guess it's always been down to the way people see me. You know, compared to the way I've always seen myself."

"Go on."

"Well, you understand my genetic difference and the way it makes me feel."

"In my experience, a physical and genetic male with your specific genetic variation would sense that he was more female than male."

"Yeah, but because the majority of my genetics are normal, I end up looking like an ordinary man, and because of my upbringing, I've spent all my life until recently living as a man, behaving as a man, suppressing that part of me that's inside.

"Since our first session on Enterprise, and following your advice, I've begun to express my inner self, and it's helped, I won't deny that."

"Then what?"

"Most of the male crewmen I know see the difference in me. They accept it and they choose to set themselves apart from me. That doesn't bother me. It's what I'd expect from men if I were naturally a woman – friendship, but with something of a barrier between us because they don't want to give me the impression that they're interested in me."

"You're not interested in men?"

"This is all too new to me, so I'm happy not having to deal with that aspect of relationships right now."

"Then I don't see the problem."

"The problem is the women. To them I'm a girly man, which means they don't see me the way I see myself. It's all, 'Good for you, getting in touch with your girly side,' and, 'I admire you for doing this.'

"It's like you said, they recognise that I want to take the passive role when it comes to relationships, but in the end, they still see me as a man."

"And that's not enough?"

"I'm not a man, Deanna."

"I do sense that, John. Like I sense that the name doesn't appeal to you."

"It's the name my parents gave me."

"You can easily choose a different one."

"It's like the hair. Treating the symptoms rather than the disease."

"Is that how you see it? That this is a disease?"

"Well, no, but... maybe a bit. I guess that's the indoctrination of my upbringing speaking. But just having long hair and a girl's name isn't going to make women see me any different, is it?"

"What are you saying, John?"

"Equality means men and women can dress the same, work in any field they like, live as much as they like as their own gender or the opposite one, but it doesn't affect social interaction. Men have certain mannerisms when dealing with other men and different ones when dealing with women. In a professional capacity there is almost no difference, but in a social context the differences are very marked.

"The same is true of women in a different way, and that means as long as the women I meet on this spacecraft – or anywhere for that matter – see me as a man, then the way they behave towards me will not match the way I would like them to do so."

"Which means... John, I can sense it in you, but you have to say it."

"I want to be a woman. I want the people I meet on a daily basis to treat me as a woman, both men and women. I'd like a man to ask me out, eventually, I think, but what I want more than anything is for the people with whom I cross paths every day to treat me like a woman. Not as a man who wears a dress."

"Well, there's a lot can be done in that regard. As you know, this starship has been designed with first contact in mind, which means that the medical section has the means to make significant cosmetic changes to individuals in order to permit them to blend in with pre first contact peoples without rousing their suspicion. It should be possible to change your appearance so that you look more female.

"Of course before we offer such physical alterations to someone such as yourself, you'd have to convince a psychologist that the changes were appropriate for you."

"Who would that be?"

"Most likely me, given that we already have a rapport."

"And with your empathic abilities, it should be fairly straightforward."

"I'd like to say yes, but there has to be a record of your showing the correct responses. My empathic capacity might help in this, but we have to jump through all the right hoops, yes?"

"And this change, how much would it be just a cosmetic change?"

"You're asking if you'd still be a man? Initially you'd have to be, because the last changes are essentially one way."

"You're saying you couldn't change a woman into a man?"

"Well, when you asked about the changes being cosmetic changes, you addressed the issue. Even in this day and age we can't change you into a fully functioning woman with XX chromosomes, any more than we can take a woman and change her into an XY chromosome male with all equipment functioning. We can change your appearance so that no-one – not even a gynaecologist – would be able to able to tell that you had once been a man, but you'd never have fully functioning ovaries, and the same for a woman transitioning the other way. She – he – would have all the physical organs to look the part – they could even be made to behave as male parts do for the purpose of simulating sex, but once you have been given the complete transformation to being female, the best we could do in turning you back would be to give you the same simulation of male genitalia that we would give to a female to male transexual.

"We have to be very certain that we are doing the right thing before we take something away from you that we wouldn't be able to give back."

"I could store some of my sperm before the operation, then if I wanted to have a child using my genetic material, I could do so even if my ability to function in bed would only be a pretence."

"We do recommend that people such as yourself do exactly that, or ova if initially female, but there have been individuals in the past who have changed then sought to change back and struggled with the fact that the reverse transition doesn't take them all the way back to the way they were."

"I understand. When can we get started?"

"Well, we're due to have a team of specialists come on board to see if they can improve the efficiency of the Enterprise's engines. That should only take a few days, but the captain has requested all senior officers to be available while the tests are carried out. When they're done, we can arrange a first session. How does that sound?"

"Good enough. I suspect my department will be quite busy during the tests in ay case."

"Alright John. I'll be in touch as soon as things settle down again."

"Thank you, counsellor."

"Deanna."

"Deanna, sorry."

"John, how are you? That was quite the experience, don't you think?"

"What, travelling out so far that thoughts become reality? I'd say."

"So, what thoughts became reality for you?"

“Actually, it was kind of embarrassing, at least at first.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, as I understand it, most people who experienced something reconnected with their past in some significant way.”

“Yes. Worf was reunited with a targ he had as a pet when he was young, Lieutenant Yar saw a cat she had as pet when she was a child, the captain spoke to his mother...”

“People and pets, that can’t be all.”

“No, the captain reported almost stepping out of the turbolift into empty space, then he saw two crewmen running away from something – exactly what he never found out – and a short while later he found an ensign wearing a tutu and dancing ballet in a cargo hold...”

“That sounds more like my experience.”

“Ballet?”

“Change of clothing. My sister owned a very pretty party dress which I remember coveting. I was off duty in the canteen, collecting my meal from the replicator when suddenly I was wearing it.”

“Surely it wasn’t that different from what you were wearing?”

“We already established that a lot of people on board we are skants. Blue silk A line dresses with puffed sleeves and full skirts on the other hand...”

“What happened? I mean how did those around you react?”

“Well, I suppose they were all too well mannered to laugh outright, but pretty much everyone there was fighting not to. Tara – she’s a fellow ensign who asked me out last week – wanted to know about it, whether it was something I fantasized about.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I don’t know. I suppose I stammered something, but when she reached out to touch the fabric, it sort of changed back. I kind of changed the subject I suppose.”

“It strikes me you had a perfect opportunity to talk to her about how you’re hoping to change. I mean last time you were saying how you didn’t want to be seen as a man, and if you have a budding relationship with a young lady who sees you that way, don’t you think you owe it to her to tell her?”

“I suppose I do, but it was so... mortifying. I mean I know what I looked like in that dress and I don’t really blame anyone for laughing at me. I was so ashamed, I couldn’t really think of anything to say.”

“This is your past conflicting with who you’re becoming, John. It’s like I said before, you have to ignore your natural tendency to feel and think rationally about this. Is there anything wrong with being a woman?”

“No, but...”

“Is there anything wrong with wanting to be a woman, especially given your genetic variance?”

“Well no, but...”

“If you had looked like a woman as you always wished, would you have felt embarrassed about wearing that dress in public?”

“Well, it was more of a little girl’s dress, but I suppose not really. But that’s the point. I didn’t look like a girl, and it did look stupid on me.”

“Actually, the point is that when we arrived in that place – if it really was a place – it took us all by surprise and those of us with the strongest desires or fears triggered a change in reality. The fact that you were one of them indicates that you have powerful feelings about this matter. You remember we talked about jumping through hoops last time?”

“Yes, well I’m not sure I’m going to need your help in that regard anymore, counsellor. Sorry, I mean Deanna.”

“What do you mean John?”

He smoothed down the front of his short skirt. It wasn’t hiding anything.

“John, what did you do?”

“Well, when the captain went ship-wide and instructed everyone to concentrate on getting back home and on the traveller’s well being, I suppose I concentrated on getting back home as a woman. Only I didn’t have much idea on what I would look like as a woman, only that I should be one.

“When we made it back, I kind of still looked like me, but instead of male genitalia, I now have...”

“You don’t appear to have, you know, breasts.”

“Well, I’m no sure. My, what do you call it, nipples are a lot bigger, and the tissue on my chest feels softer. I mean there’s not much there, but I think there is something there even so. It’s just that I still look like... well, the old me, I suppose.”

“You should have mentioned this right at the beginning.”

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s... difficult to talk about. I kind of had to lead up to it.”

“The incident was a whole week ago. You should have come forward then.”

“I know, I know, but the whole ship was dealing with what happened during that journey. Senior officers being g debriefed, the ship being checked over, everything was so busy, and I didn’t really want to impose.”

“Didn’t want to impose!? You changed sex! Or... well I don’t know what you changed into, but this is significant, John. We need to get you checked out. I mean right now, come on.”

“Well, congratulations ensign. Despite there being no apparent change to your outward appearance, you seem to be the first human being in history to have completely changed from male to female.” Doctor Beverly Crusher spoke offhandedly as she packed away her tools. “Captain Kirk came close when his consciousness was briefly transferred into the body of a young woman, but since his own body remained unchanged and briefly in the possession of the sociopathic young lady who swapped with him, it doesn’t really count.

“You’ll likely see a few changes over the next few weeks as your new mix of hormones takes over, but otherwise I can find nothing wrong with you. Welcome to the world of womanhood.”

“What sort of changes, doctor?” John sat up on the biobed, arranging the skirts of his skant as he did so.

“I suspect you’ll have noticed some of them already. Your Eurasian background probably means you never had a great deal of body hair, but what you have should fade, and... well when was the last time you shaved?”

“I haven’t needed to since we made it back.”

“No, not will you ever again, unless I miss my guess. Your head hair will most likely become more full bodied and grow a little quicker and your skin and muscle tone will soften. The most marked difference will be to your feelings though. Your emotions are going to rise to the surface a lot more and you’ll probably struggle with the intensity to begin with.

“Counsellor Troi tells me you work in helm control on the primary steerage controls, is that right.”

“Er, yes.”

“Responsibility for critical ships systems means you should have reported significant physical changes like these as soon they occurred. I’m going to have to reassign you to general operations for the time being and this will have to be reported to the captain who may want a word with you. Other than that, you’re free to return to duty.”

“Is that it? I mean what about my appearance? I can’t go around looking like this?”

“Whyever not? You’ve done so for all your life up until now.”

“But then I had a... I was a...”

“Yes, but isn’t that what you wanted?”

“To become a woman, sure, but not to keep on looking the same as I used to.”

“We’re in uncharted territory here ensign. I have no idea to what extent your altered body chemistry is going to change your body naturally and it would be irresponsible of me to pre-empt nature.

“I’ll inform both helm and operations that I’ve put you on female hormones, which will serve to explain why you’ve been temporarily reassigned to other duties. It will also provide a reason for any changes to your appearance over the next few weeks. I’ll expect you to come by once a week at least, and immediately if there are any dramatic and unexpected changes, then once things have settled, we’ll see what cosmetic changes I can offer to finish you off.”

“What do I tell my friends?”

“I thought that would be obvious. Tell them you’re having a sex change. That’s what it’s going to look like within a couple of weeks or maybe months anyway. The only difference between what’s happened to you and the more conventional way of dealing with this is that you already you’re doing it backwards. Unless you’re in the habit of getting undressed in company, there’s no reason for anyone else to know.

“You may want to think about a name change and decide when you want to implement it. Otherwise there’s nothing to worry about, John. You have what you want, only it’s going to take a while for those last little details. In the meantime Counsellor Troi will be there to help you through the transformation.”

“Er. Alright... I suppose.”

“From my scans you have another week before your first period. You’ll want to talk to one of my nurses about what to expect and what to do before it happens. For now, go back to your quarters, replicate a few gold uniforms and report to oops tomorrow morning.”

“I thought most women controlled their er, time off the, er, you know.”

“We do, but like I said, what you’re going through is entirely unprecedented and my recommendation as your doctor is that you allow it to take its course without messing with it, at least until we know what’s going to happen to you.

“Now please go. I have other patients to see.”

“Er, of course Doctor Crusher.”

“John, hello, it’s been a while.”

“Actually it’s Jean now Couns... Deanna, I mean.” The voice was softer, more feminine.

“Jean, of course. I’m sorry, I’m still coming to terms with everything that happened at Haven. I saw you standing honour guard at my engagement party which is what reminded me it was past time we had a catch up. How have you been?”

“Well, ops isn’t as challenging as helm control, but it’s varied.”

“Is this your way of saying you’re bored?”

Jean laughed a little self consciously. “Maybe a little, but I do understand why I’ve been taken off full duty. These hormones are a handful. I mean especially during my... you know.”

“You’re going to have to learn to talk about it more openly, Jean. Most of us don’t have to worry about it with modern medicine, but we’ve all been through it and it’s a natural process which none of us is ashamed of.”

“Of course not.”

“I sense a profound change in you, Jean. Tell me, how the last few weeks have been.”

“I should be asking you, Deanna. I mean to have your fiancé leave you like that so soon before your wedding.”

“It’s nothing, really.”

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.”

“Are you aware you’re being a lot more empathetic, Jean? Before you showed curiosity about what happened elsewhere on the Enterprise, but now I sense your concern for me.”

“I think I’ve always cared about others, but before it was always buried beneath my own struggles; it never had the chance to rise to the surface.

“But it’s like you say, Deanna, if you’re struggling with things that affect you self-esteem, you’re unable to self-actualise. If it would help you to deal with what happened to you recently, I’d be happy to listen.”

“You don’t have to.”

“No, but I’d like to. Besides, it is, to a degree, self-serving because if you’re more settled, you’ll be in a better position to help me and anyone else who comes to see you today.”

Deanna couldn’t hide her smile. “Alright,” she said, “but like before, I’ll tell you what you want to know, then you talk to me.”

“Agreed.”

“Betazed has a long-standing tradition of arranged marriages, which isn’t as dreadful as it sounds. You have to remember, parents can see into their children’s minds, so they can see how well a young pairing are getting along.”

“But people change as they grow, surely.”

“Yes they do, but the bonding that takes place in childhood remains strong into adulthood, even if the two individuals drift apart. Besides, the match is never forced on a couple. If either becomes romantically involved with someone else, then that is allowed to take precedence.

“The idea is that if neither has found a soulmate by a certain age, then the two may be brought together in the knowledge that they are already well matched.

“The practice often served to cement friendship between two families, and after a while the tradition became more about this than any expectation that their children would eventually marry.

“My father, who you’ve probably worked out was human, was best friends with a man named Steven Miller – also human. Since neither were Betazoids so that had no way of knowing what was going on in Wyatt’s or my mind, but they liked the idea of the custom, so they matched us.

“Actually, Steven’s wife, Victoria, is also human, so the only person who had any idea how well matched we were was my mother and she’s always been a law into herself.

“Wyatt and I lost touch a long time ago. I had my career in Starfleet and he had his heart set on becoming a doctor. Neither of us was particularly set on settling down, so I’m pretty sure this was my mother’s idea. I had no idea any of it was happening until that chest was beamed aboard.

“The thing is, regardless of how the tradition has changed over the centuries, it goes against every part of my Betazoid sensibilities to refuse. It would have been a terrible insult to the Miller family.

“Besides, did you meet Wyatt? He’s an amazing man and, while marrying him and abandoning my career with Starfleet would not have been my first choice, I genuinely feel there might have been something between us and we could have been happy.”

“I’m probably intruding here, but I have the sense you may already have feelings for someone else on Enterprise.”

Deanna smiled again. “This isn’t for anyone else’s ears, but I sense I can trust you. Commander Riker and I have an understanding of sorts. His overwhelming ambition at present is to command a starship, and while I take second place to that in his life, our relationship can develop no further. I’m prepared to wait for him, but not forever. He was upset that I would choose Wyatt and tradition over him, but maybe this has been a good opportunity for him learn that I won’t wait for him forever.

“I think overall I’m glad things worked out as they did. Wyatt is with his soulmate, I’m able to continue with my career in Starfleet and I still have the possibility of a future with my imzadi.”

“But?”

“You are perceptive. But I can’t help wondering how things would have been with Wyatt and me. I made the adjustment to accepting a future with him, and now that it’s gone, I’m struggling to adjust back to the way things were before this all began.”

“I’m not sure it’s my place to comment.”

“No, go on. I’d like to hear what you think.”

“I suspect when you took on this role with Starfleet you had to close the door on a number of other things you would have liked to have in your life. Sometimes when we choose one path in life it steers us away from other paths we’d have liked to tread.”

“Okay. Go on.”

“Well, when this whole thing came along it took away your choice, so you found yourself back in a place where you had more options. As long as you felt constrained by your commitment to Starfleet you weren’t prepared to allow yourself to consider what you turned your back on, but when you had to face a future without Starfleet, you were obliged to consider all your options, maybe with the added insight of knowing what Starfleet demands of you.”

“You know, you would make an excellent counsellor. What would you suggest I do?”

“Take some time to consider your wider options. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder if life outside Starfleet might have been better.”

“And what if I decide that life outside Starfleet might be better?”

“Then go pursue your dreams elsewhere. Starfleet may be many people’s dream – certainly a great many people believe that to be true – but what if the reality isn’t as great as the dream?”

“What if it is?”

“Then by considering all your options you’ll come to that conclusion and you’ll go back to your Starfleet career with confidence that you’re doing the right thing.”

“Thank you, Jean. That’s some of the best advice I think anyone has given me.”

“You’re welcome, Deanna.”

“Now it’s your turn. Tell me how things have been since you went to see Doctor Crusher.

“You mean since you took me the first time a few weeks ago. Well, I’m not sure what to say. For the most part it’s been pretty uneventful...”

“Uneventful! Where have you been?”

“In opps, counsellor, where the doctor put me. I mean I heard all sorts of things that may or may not have happened.”

“Like what?”

“When we were transporting those aliens who wanted to join the federation...”

“The Anticans and the Selay?”

“Yes. Is it true the Anticans ate one of the Selay delegates?”

“We believe so, yes.”

“And were we boarded by an energy based life form?”

“Yes.”

“That took over Captain Picard and tried to turn him into one of them?”

“All true, only they weren’t able to transform him the way they’d hoped and we were lucky to be able to rematerialize him back on the ship.”

“I know Doctor Crusher’s son was nearly executed for treading in a bed if flowers while visiting a planet, because she told me about it at my last checkup.”

“Alright.”

“Then I remember hearing something about the Ferengi finding the wreck of Captain Picard’s old ship and returning it to him. Now I know we don’t know much about the Ferengi, but that doesn’t sound right.”

“The Ferengi captain blamed Jean-Luc for the death of his son. He installed a device that interfered with the captain’s thoughts and made him relive the battle, attempting to either kill him or make him destroy Enterprise.”

“Wow, I suppose I did miss quite a bit. So what was it I heard about the Q entity coming back and giving Commander Riker godlike powers?”

“I wasn’t present for that one, but Will offered to give his friends what they most wanted. For Wesley Crusher to be old enough to look after his mother, for Geordi la Forge to have his sight back, for Data to be human. No-one wanted what he offered them at the expense of Will’s humanity.”

“Wow. He could have... I’m not sure I’d have been able to refuse what he could have given me.”

“Oh I think you could. It’s not as if you’re not going to get it eventually anyway.”

“The waiting’s hard. Especially since while all that’s been going on I’ve been doing non-essential duties.”

“How are the mood swings?”

“They were hard at first, maybe for the first week or ten days, and I can understand why nobody wanted me anywhere near any critical systems, but I’ve got a handle on them now. I mean menstruating was no fun, but even that was just a little discomfort and a bit of grouchiness. Mainly these days I feel frustrated because I’m being underused.”

“Have you talked to Doctor Crusher about this?”

“Not really. I mean she scares me a little.”

“I understand. How about the young lady you were dating?”

“I spoke to her the day you took me to see Doctor Crusher. I told her the same thing I’ve been telling everyone else. She was a little disappointed, but very supportive. We’re not involved anymore, but we’re still good friends.”

“You know, I do sense that you have things under control. I going to talk to Beverly and see if she’ll reassign you back to your old post. We could use the unsung hero from our encounter with the Tsiolkovsky back at her post.”

“I’d really appreciate that, Deanna, thank you.”

“You know, I really like the person you’re becoming. We’ll keep these sessions going until your transition is complete, but I sense you have so much more self-esteem.”

“I do feel that’s true, Deanna. I don’t look how I would like yet, but I feel right in myself, and even though I still look a lot like my old self, I already have a number of girl friends who treat me like... well me I suppose.”

“I’m glad. We’ll schedule another session before our stop at Starbase seventy-four in a few weeks. I suspect you’ll want to take a little shore leave after these last few weeks.”

“Actually, I think more than anything, I want to get back to work.”

“Well, hopefully you’ll receive your new orders by the end of the day. It was lovely to see you again, Jean.”

“Thank you, Deanna. I feel the same.”

“Jean, you’re looking well.”

“So are you Deanna. No more existential crisis I take it?”

“No, your advice proved just what I needed. I considered all my options including non Starfleet ones and decided that my original choice to pursue a career here was very much the best. No more second guessing, so thank you for that.”

“I’m glad.”

“So how about you? I see you’re still waiting on that last cosmetic alteration.”

“Yes. Doctor Crusher said at my last checkup that it looks like my body has finished adapting to the new balance of hormones.”

“You don’t appear to have changed much. From your original appearance I mean.”

“No. Doctor Crusher told me not to expect much. My hairs a little thicker and appears to be growing a little faster. I haven’t shaved since my transformation. I know my muscle tone is a little down from what it used to be and I do have a very small amount of breast growth. Nothing you’d likely notice unless you bumped into me.”

“That doesn’t bother you?”

“Not really because, like you said, there are things that can be done. Doctor Crusher said she’d be putting together something for my next visit that will begin the artificial changes. Again, she said they’d be slow, so not to get my hopes up too much. I guess at this stage I’ve just reached a point of acceptance that they’ll come when they come.”

“And how about work?”

“Would you believe it, they put me in charge of a duty shift! I’m not just back in helm control, I’m in charge.”

“And how does that make you feel?”

“Well, nervous, obviously. I mean I’ve not been on Enterprise that long, and I wouldn’t have expected promotion this soon.”

“You wouldn’t have been offered it if they didn’t think you were ready for it. That incident when you reassembled the steering mechanism by yourself and under significant pressure would definitely have helped.”

“I suppose. A number of my colleagues are a little wary of me because I phased the rest of my team in that incident. I suppose with that reputation shift leaders would be less likely to pick me, so it makes sense to put me in charge.”

“I’m sure it’s not that. You wouldn’t have been given the opportunity if you didn’t have the aptitude.”

“Perhaps you’re right, but I still get muttered comments about PMS and the like. If only they knew, eh?”

Deanna added her smile to her patient’s. “So anything exciting happen since you were reinstated to helm control?”

“You mean like when Data’s twin demanded access while we were at warp?”

“I didn’t hear about that?”

“I think it was pretty minor in comparison to everything else that happened. We were being chased by the crystalline entity and Lore – though we all thought it was Data at the time – demanded access to steering. You know we lockdown at critical times, don’t you?”

“Yes, although senior officers can override, so Data would have been able to access your section even so.”

“That’s what I thought. Plus he showed some very unData like behaviour when I refused to give him access and he ran off after using some very inappropriate language.”

“What do you think he was trying to do?”

“Manoeuvring at warp is pretty delicate. We never used to be able to and even now it has to be gentle. I’m guessing he wanted to turn us sharply enough to disrupt the warp field so we’d drop out of warp and give the entity a chance to catch up. If he did it right we probably wouldn’t have managed to get our shields up in time.”

“So good call then.”

“Not a difficult one when all’s said and done. I was just following protocol.”

“And showing that you deserve to be shift leader.”

“Okay, I’m not going to argue against it. I do have a question though, about Angel I.”

“Oh yes, the female dominated planet. I thought that might interest you. Do you think you’d have been happy as a man in a female dominated society?”

“Well, not really, or at least I don’t think so. That’s what I wanted to ask about. You see, we have gender equality, but it doesn’t seem to affect gender psychology. I mean the way men and women think and behave towards each other hasn’t changed. Only, I’m curious to know if in a culture with a history of female domination whether the men actually think, feel and behave in a way you would consider to be female, and visa versa.”

“Oh, I see. Well actually now that you mention it, neither the men nor the women felt particularly much like the people I’m used to.”

“I suppose that’s normal, with them being aliens.”

“Not really. Most species who make up the federation have a similar history when it comes to gender roles. Klingons, Vulcans, Bolians, humans, we’re all the same in that the men tend to be dominant and independent while the women are interdependent and more likely to be submissive. Even if they’re not, there’s a memory of being so in their past.”

“So how did the survivors of the Odin fit in so well?”

“That’s a good question. I suspect that since they came from a more equal society they weren’t as inclined to expect the women they met to be submissive, and the women the met from Angel I... well, I suppose all cultures have some individuals who are looking for something different. Take you for example.”

“I suppose so. So, how were the Angelians different?”

“It’d hard to define exactly. The women were dominant and considerably more competitive than usual. They could be persuaded to listen to each other, but there was no sense of being supportive of one another. The men were... it was almost as though they hadn’t grown up. They didn’t really have a sense of responsibility, but they were fiercely jealous of any association with a woman. I wish I could tell you more.”

“No, it’s alright. I think you answered my question as well as I needed. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being unreasonable.”

“I wouldn’t say so. Your mind felt very much like the sort of female mind I’m used to encountering when you first came to me, and it feels even more so now.

“So, Starbase seventy-four. Are you going to explore?”

“Not this time. With the recent delays we only have forty-eight hours to complete the upgrade – I’m sure you’re aware we’re having a complete computer upgrade courtesy of a local alien race.”

“Yes, the Bynars. They sound fascinating. Completely asexual and function as pairs of creatures acting as individuals. They’re also so integrated with their own main computer on their home world that they’re entirely dependent on it.”

“They do sound amazing. Anyway, a complete overhaul like that is going to require a full systems diagnostic on all critical systems. With the small amount of time involved, that means all personnel on helm control will be working on the check.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Why?”

“Because I was hoping you’d accompany me. They have some wonderful boutiques in Starbase seventy-four with some truly unique merchandise. Opportunities like this one are exceedingly rare and shopping is best enjoyed with a friend.”

“I’m sure you can find someone else to go with you. What about Doctor Crusher?”

“Ever since she found out Professor Epstein was on board the starbase, all she’s talked about is arranging to speak with him about some ideas of hers combining cybernetics – which is the professor’s speciality – with regeneration. I sincerely doubt I’ll be able to compete with that.”

“Someone else then?”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll find someone, but I really had set my heart on sharing the experience with you. There’s nothing quite like sharing that first shopping experience, especially with someone so newly rebranded as a girl.”

“Perhaps another time.”

“Or, if you finish your system checks early, even if it only gives us an hour or two, you might join me.”

“I’m not promising anything. I don’t mind being like this on-board Enterprise – this ship is my home and its crew is my family. Most of the people I meet every day know about me and what I’m going through. I don’t think I’m ready to risk going out in public while I’m neither one thing nor the other.”

“Oh Jean, I thought you were over this.”

“What do you mean? Would you go out in public without arranging your hair properly?”

“That’s different.”

“How so? You want to look your best before going out in public, and so do I. It’s just going to take a bit more time and effort before I get to my best”

“Well, I can see I’m not going to persuade you, so let me just say that if you have the opportunity and you change your mind, get in touch.”

“That’s a lot of if, so don’t get your hopes up, but if all of that, then yes I will. I assume our coms badges will work off the ship.”

“They should, or you could ask the station computer to put you in touch with me.

“Well, is there anything more to say?”

“I don’t think so. I’m looking forward to what Doctor Crusher will have for me next time I visit her, but I think that goes without saying.”

“Yes, well, if you do end up coming onti the starbase, I really would appreciate your company.”

“I’ll bear that in mind, otherwise?”

“Well I think it would be good to see you after you’ve been on your meds for a week, so let me know.”

“Okay. See you soon.”

“This is Lieutenant Commander Data speaking for the captain. Abandon ship! This is not a drill! All personnel, this is not a drill. I say again, abandon ship! All personnel, this is not a drill. Abandon ship!”

Jean had been between sections when the call came through, but it wasn’t the sort of call you ignored. She joined the throng of people heading for the nearest transporter terminal and waited patiently while the children first, then the women – not including her in this instance, but then she was crew before she was a woman by this definition – transported across to the starbase. She helped others onto the pad and was one of the last to leave, just as the great starship started to withdraw from its dock. It swivelled gracefully – indicating the steering mechanism was working perfectly – and disappeared in a streak of light chasing after infinity.

“What happened,” she asked into the crowd, only to be ignored. Except others were asking the same question and a number of the senior officers were nearby. A bit more listening and a bit less speaking informed her that the magnetic containment field holding the ships anti-matter had started to collapse, so Data had programmed the ship to withdraw on autopilot and warp to a point some distance from anywhere inhabited, but then, moments before the ship warped away, telemetry indicated that the containment field was restoring itself. Furthermore, the captain and first officer had still been aboard the Enterprise when she warped away, contrary to indications given by the ship’s computer.

Further enquiry by the stranded bridge officers established that the best option for pursuit would involve a delay of over eighteen hours and, given the absence of the Bynars, potentially the whole pantomime had been orchestrated by them.

Jean slipped away and activated a nearby computer console. “Computer, locate Counsellor Deanna Troi. Transfer a map of my swiftest route to her to my diagnostics pad.”

“Counsellor Deanna Troi is entering the main concourse.” Which happened to be where most of the ships crew and families had just transported to. She looked at her pad then over to a nearby entrance where a familiar figure had just appeared.

“What happened?” Deanna asked as Jean made her way across to her.

“The nearest I can guess is that the Bynars just simulated an antimatter containment failure to prompt an evacuation from Enterprise, then they stole the ship along with Captain Picard and Commander Riker.”

“They did what? I don’t understand. I sensed no malice from them when we arrived. Perhaps a nervousness, but nothing that would suggest they’d do something like this.

“Wait here please. I need to consult with the rest of the bridge crew.”

It didn’t take long.

“Apparently there isn’t much we can do,” Deanna said when she rejoined Jean, “apart from reassure everyone. Would you help me?”

“Er...”

“This is about reassuring them, Jean. You can’t worry about what they’ll think of you.”

“You’re right of course. Where do we start?”

“You take that side of he hall, I’ll take this.”

“And what do we tell them?”

“The truth as far as we understand it. The containment leak was repaired so the ship is in no danger, and neither are the captain or the commander. We can’t go after them until we have access to a working vessel which will be several hours, but in the meantime, the station will look after us all and we should trust the captain to resolve the issue.”

Which is what most of the next hour entailed. Most of the people Jean talked to knew of her story, at least the official one, and were supportive of her and grateful for the information. The more people who heard the reassurance, the quicker it spread, and in a far shorter time than expected, the crew were reassured.

“So, shall we go shopping?” Deanna asked.

Jean, who was fully acclimatised to being in public by then, shrugged and nodded.

They only had an hour because the Enterprise returned with the captain at the helm complaining about a certain asymmetry to the steering, which meant Jean had to head up a rather urgently conducted full diagnostic on the helm controls before their departure.

“Jean. Wow! Looking good.”

“Better perhaps. Not good yet I wouldn’t say.”

“What do you mean? You’re slimmer, you have curves, you have breasts, your hair’s growing out.”

“Oh I know all that. It takes a lot of effort to mistake me for the man I used to be now, but my face is still a bit, you know, masculine.”

“That’s taking it a bit far I’d say.”

“Yeah, well that’s your job, to say nice things, isn’t it?”

“Not to lie though.”

“Oh come on. Are you telling me you’ve never been even a little economical with the truth?”

“Mmm-maybe. Once or twice. I still think you look fantastic though and that’s no lie.”

“Well alright. I mean I did wear that dress I bought at Starbase seventy-four the other day and I didn’t feel at all self-conscious about it. I’d just like my facial features to be a tiny bit loads more delicate, you know what I mean?”

“I do. There was a time I really wished my nose was smaller. Now it’s just a part of me that defines who I am, if that makes sense.”

“I suppose, except your nose doesn’t make you look like a guy.”

“Yours not so much either. I mean all Eurasians have that going for them, and with the longer hair framing your face and the smoother skin softening your features, you really don’t need anything else.”

“Agree to differ. Anyway, moot point. When the current course of drugs is finished in a couple of weeks, Doctor Crusher has offered to restructure my facial bones. She says making me look like someone else isn’t a great idea because a lot of people have had issues with their identity after complete facial reconstruction, but she showed me how I’d look if she took away some of the bone structure. It still looks like me, but if I’d been born a girl. If I keep losing weight like I am doing, it’ll look better. I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to it.”

“You don’t have to, it shines out of your face like a beacon.

“I was wondering if you’ve given much thought to what you’re going to do when this is all over.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re so much more confident now that this isn’t always in the way of how you think or feel. You’ve already shown it by the way you’ve risen to the challenge of shift leader. I find myself wondering how much more you might be capable of achieving.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Well, you obviously have a good grasp of the operation and maintenance of the Enterprise’s steering array. I was wondering if you’d like to extend that expertise to include the whole helm control system.”

“That’s a whole lot of new skills. I mean, I’d have to learn about the manoeuvring thrusters on both the saucer section and stardrive section, the communication linkages that connect both the main bridge and the battle bridge to the various steering controls – that gets seriously complicated when it comes down to balancing the systems used by each section separately and the two when they’re combined. Then there’s emergency steering techniques from balancing main thruster output for when normal systems fail, emergency containment methods...”

“I know it’s complicated, Jean.” Deanna laughed at the young ensign’s reaction. “The thing is, do you think you’re up to it? If you qualify, it could mean a bump up to senior ensign more than a year sooner than usual. You could make senior helm technician by the end of your second year.

“I mean, it’s not what everyone wants, but this is why I’m so keen on improving your self-appreciation. It gives you the capacity to challenge yourself and advance more quickly to that point where you feel you fit into the social structure of the ship. Only say yes if the prospect excites you, but...”

“Yes.”

“I’m delighted to hear you sound so confident about it. I’ll make sure the chief training officer sends you the application details.”

“Thank you. I mean the Deanna, thank you for all you’ve done. I wasn’t at all happy about coming to you that first time, as I’m sure you’ll recall, but you’ve done so much more for me through these sessions than I could possibly have imagined.”

“For one thing, it was you who did pretty much all the hard work. I simply showed you the door. It was you who walked through it. For another, it’s not as if we’re finished yet.”

“I don’t mind. It’ll give me the opportunity to say thank you again.”

“So, anything else of interest these last few weeks?”

“No. Probably the hardest thing was convincing Captain Picard that there wasn’t anything wrong with the helm control systems. Most of what we’ve been doing is ferrying between planets which is pretty routine even if what happens on the planets isn’t.

“What happened on to Admiral Jameson on Mordan IV was sad, but no-one I know was particularly familiar with him or his wife, and it’s hard to feel particularly invested when it’s someone you don’t know.”

“Not tempted by the rejuvenating treatment?”

“Ask me again in thirty years when I have a face full of wrinkles, but I don’t think so.”

“Very wise. How about that stop off at Aldea then?”

“Aldea! Oh yeah. The stuff of legends. I know Starfleet promises experiences beyond your wildest imagination, and I know travelling beyond time and space is already a prone example of that, but I never expected to find myself in orbit around Aldea.”

“Yes, it was like a dream come true. At least at first. Can you imagine being so desperate as to steal someone else’s children?”

“Can you imagine being so ignorant as not to realise what your own symptoms actually meant?”

“Doctor Crusher had no idea at first either, so do be to harsh on them.”

“Doctor Crusher wasn’t born on Earth, or into a community that remembers it’s past. One of the greater objections my Mennonite family had to my joining a scientific organisation like Starfleet was the history of the evils science brought to our world, including global warming and nearly destroying the Earth’s ozone layer.”

“But that was centuries ago!”

“’Those who forget the stories history tells are don’t to relive them,’ my grandfather used to say. Centuries is nothing to the Mennonites, especially when it relates to something they disapprove of.”

“Did you know any of the families who had a child taken?”

“Apart from Doctor Crusher? No, but I did have to fix the steering after the ship was thrown a light year and a half across space, and while we were moving at warp nine.”

“And there was you saying nothing interesting happened.”

“That wasn’t interesting, just difficult, and frustratingly slow to do safely.”

“Still you managed it, and how many other crewmen and women on board Enterprise could have done it?”

“I don’t know. I could name a few but I’m sure there are others.”

“That’s not the point I was trying to make, and you know it. I was trying to emphasise tat there are tasks you can perform on Enterprise now that very few other people can. That makes you a highly valued member of the crew.”

“I’m fully aware of that, Deanna.”

“I don’t mean to be condescending, Jean. Sorry if you feel that way, but it’s a way I can gauge how far you’ve come. Think how you’d have responded to a question like that on our first encounter.”

“I suppose I’d have been quite a lot ruder.”

“Well there is that, though you were dealing with a lot at the time, and your current mix of hormones does make it easier for you to offer a gentler response, but there’s also the way you think of yourself.

“If you recall, you said something to me about spending most of your time in the lower decks, as though you were consigning yourself to anonymity, yet here you are carving out a significant niche for yourself and taking strides to improve yourself even now.

“You’re due for your facial reconstruction next week, aren’t you?”

“It’s not certain, but the doctor is hopeful I’ll be ready.”

“I wondered if you’d like to get together socially afterwards. The captain has given some of us permission to use the forward view suite on deck ten to have a little gathering. It would be a wonderful opportunity to introduce the new you to a whole crowd of people.”

“I’d really like that, assuming I do have the surgery.”

“I’ll be sure to send you an invitation. It’ll be after our visit to Velara III. We’re due to map some newly formed Planets in the Pleiades, so we’re expecting some pretty spectacular views.”

“I look forward to it.”

“Jean, you’re doing remarkably well. It’s possible next time will be our last scheduled session. Of course you can always ask to see me at any time, but once your physical changes are complete, I expect your emotional state will become fully settled and there won’t be an awful lot more I can offer you.”

“I understand. It’ll be a shame because I’ve started looking forward to our times together.”

“We could always meet up socially.”

“And what would your life be like that if all your, er... what do you call us? Patients? Clients?”

“No labels.”

“Whatever then. If we all took you up on that offer.”

“Who says I offer it to everyone? You’re quite unique, Jean, and a very calming person to be with. I’d be delighted to spend time with you away from this place.”

“Then I’ll give your offer serious consideration. I do get the sense you’re about to say we’re done for today.”

“And as I’ve mentioned before, you’re very astute. I look forward to seeing you at the gathering in a few weeks time.”

“Should I bring anything?”

“Just your wonderful personality. The captain has given us an allowance with the replicators to provide drinks and nibbles.”

“We could always have our last session at the gathering. I mean, once all’s said and done we probably won’t have much that needs saying.”

“I’d rather not if you don’t mind. I prefer a quiet place for these sessions so I’m not distracted by other people, and I prefer for my leisure time to be leisure time, if you know what I mean.”

“I think I do. Alright, I’ll see you in ten forward in a few weeks.”

“Ten forward. I like that, it’s catchy “

“Deanna, hi!”

“Jean? I wouldn’t have recognised you if I couldn’t sense it was you. You look fantastic!”

“Thank you, I’m really pleased how it turned out.”

“You’ve lost so much weight! I’m really jealous.”

“Yeah, it’s been a hard slog, and it’s going to be just as hard to keep it off I think. I’d already lost most of it when I came to see you last time, but what Doctor Crusher did to my face offsets the rest of it really well. That’s what she was waiting for, to see how slim my body became before deciding how much she could do with my face.”

“Deanna, this was inspired.” The captain’s voice sounded from behind Jean. This part of the ship is so rarely used for it’s designated purpose, and it’s so big. It’s perfect for this sort of occasion, especially with a view like that.” Jean and Deanna turned dutifully to gaze out the forward view ports where the sky was filled with stars. “What do you make of it ensign, er...”

“Harris, sir. Jean Harris. It’s quite spectacular, sir.’

“Harris. That name rings a bell. Didn’t we give a commendation to an Ensign Harris? Your husband perhaps? I seem to recall it was a man.”

“Yes sir, that was me back when I was a man.”

“Oh, er, really? I find it hard to believe...”

“It’s been a long journey, sir, and one I can hardly believe myself.”

“Jean, or John as she was known then, was transformed into a woman on the way back from whichever distant part of the universe we went when Kosinski and the Traveller from Tau Alpha C were on board.”

“Oh? That must have been very disagreeable for you.”

“Not particularly, captain, you see I’ve always been more of a woman on the inside. What was disagreeable was when we first arrived out there and my uniform turned into a party dress while my body remained unchanged. Then on the return trip, when I was able to imagine myself into becoming the woman I’ve always believed myself to be, the transformation did nothing to alter my outward physical appearance.”

“You mean you were actually, physically a woman but you still looked like a man.”

“Yes sir.”

“Now that must have been disagreeable.”

“Very much so sir, but as you can see I’ve made it work.”

“Yes, well you certainly don’t seem to mind wearing a dress. I’m not sure I’d be so comfortable wearing such a short er...”

“Well actually I was thinking about having a word with someone about that. I mean I didn’t mind wearing a skant when I was a man or when I looked like one – I rather enjoyed it actually – but now I’m completely female in appearance as much as everything else, it seems the uniform the computer replicated for me is so much shorter that I have to say it makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

“Oh no! I’m sorry sir, I need to learn to shut my mouth sometimes. I know this is the sort of minor thing you have people to sort out for you.”

“Quite correct. Perhaps you’d like to be those people this time round.”

“Sir?”

“Well, you’re obviously concerned by some aspect of our dress code, which means there are most likely others who feel the same way. I’m authorising you to survey all Starfleet crew on Enterprise. Bring them your concerns and any others you think might bother other crew members, and see what comes of it. Submit your findings to me under priority three miscellaneous reports. I’ll expect to see it by the end of next week. With that much time, I expect you to be thorough.”

“Yes sir.”

“Now perhaps we can get on and enjoy this party, what do you say?” Captain Picard walk away rubbing his hands.

“That could not have gone worse,” Jean mattered, her eyes shut in misery.

“Whatever do you mean? The captain likes you, and I should know.”

“He has an odd way of showing it.”

“He doesn’t cope well with youngsters.”

“Wait, what do you mean? I’m twenty-seven.”

“Well take a look in the mirror sometime, and I mean a really good look. You look like you’re barely seventeen!”

Jen held a hand up to her face. Her hands fingers were slender and graceful, her arm stick thin, her facial features equally small and delicate. “I suppose I do, don’t I.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. You still have all your experience, and your records reflect your true age. If anything, you have what every woman here would sacrifice her own mother to possess; the means to look ten years younger. Personally, I’d probably sacrifice my mother for a whole lot less.”

“Deanna!”

“What? Oh come on, you’ve met my mother, or at least seen her from a distance, which is as much as most people care for.

“It just occurred to me, you’ve toned down the Asian side of your appearance.”

“I suppose you’re not the only one with a mother who’s hard to love. Mine’s Korean and probably the one person in my family who most strenuously objected to my joining Starfleet or doing anything else that flew in the face of tradition...”

“Like becoming a woman.”

“Exactly like that. She’d be appalled to know how my circumstances have changed now, so I thought I’d do her a favour and keep her out of them.”

“You mustn’t shut her out. Mothers can be infuriating, but they’re still our mothers.”

“I’m not shutting her out, but she’s going to want to have to come into my life the way I’m living it now if she wants to be a part of it.

“That’s the thing with parents though, isn’t it? You have to live the way you choose to live, and if they insist you do otherwise, you have to step away from them. If that creates a rift then the best you can do is leave the door open and carry on in the way that’s right for you. If they’re prepared to accept you as you’ve become, then all well and good. If they still insist on changing you into the way they feel is right, then you have to stand firm against them. Polite , but firm.”

“You’re suggesting I do that with my mother?”

“Oh, I doubt anything so simple would work with Lwaxana Troi. She’s going to keep sailing onto your life like a level ten ion storm. The best you can do is weather her and put your life back together as best you can once she’s gone.”

“I knew I liked you. So what are you planning to do about the captain’s orders.”

“I thought I’d just lay low and hope they went away.”

“Oh no. He’s told you what he expects and if you don’t meet his expectations, he’ll come looking for you, and you don’t want him to do that.”

“Why? Is he scary?”

“Not particularly, but he’ll be disappointed because you didn’t do as he instructed. That’s the thing, if you make an effort, he’ll give you more opportunities to show your potential. If you disappoint him, it becomes very difficult – almost impossible, I’d say – to get him to give you another opportunity. You think you messed up here, and sure, it seems like a bit of nonsense, what he’s asked you to do, but if you take it seriously and give him a fair effort and resolving the problem he’s given you, then you’ll more than likely get another, better option.

“Believe me, Jean, for all this seems like a nonsense piece of trivia, it’s far from that. If you give Captain Picard reason to believe that you can be trusted with the small things, then he’ll see you have an opportunity to show you can be trusted with the large ones too.”

“Then I suppose I’d better put a bit of effort into it.”

“Yes, bit not tonight. Right now, grab a a drink and more of the canapé’s than your waif-like body seems capable of processing. Enjoy the view, meet new people, live a little. You’ve spent too much time fighting to become the person you want to be. If this isn’t it, then you’re reaching for more than anyone has a right to hope for. Tomorrow go on a diet and refuse to eat anything for a week so you can be sure of staying this slender, but get on with living the life you always wanted to live. The universe is laid out before you and there is nothing to stand in the way of your becoming all that you dream possible.”

“I thought we were going to save our last sessions for later.”

“This isn’t a session, Jean. This is just me showing how much of a lightweight I am. Even synthohol has me spouting this sort of drivel.”

“I see Commander Riker over there. Would you like to spout some drivel in his direction?”

“Oh please, no! I don’t think I could live with the embarrassment of what I might say to him when I’m like this.

“I’ll tell you what though. Why don’t I introduce you to that group of ensigns over there?.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for company.”

“Nonsense. You just haven’t got used to the idea that you’re a smoking hot, really young looking woman in a very short skirt. You won’t even have to say anything. Just standing within range will have half of them salivating over you.”

“I don’t know that I want to be covered in drool.”

“You’ve trusted my this far haven’t you? I mean you always wanted to be a girl, so here’s where you learn how much fun it can be. If you get bored of the reactions you get from one half of the gene pool, there are a few members of the club you just joined, and they’ll be able to provide you with a degree of coherent thought, even if the men over there can’t .”

“I’m not sure.”

“Tough. Jean, let me introduce you to the deep end.”

“So Jean, how’s your investigation going?”

She looked at the datapad she was holding then held it across. Dana looked at it briefly then passed it back.

“It’s a reasonable start, but Captain Picard is going to expect a lot more.”

That was as close to damning criticism as Jean had heard from the counsellor in all the time they’d spent together.

“I was writing the questionnaire, but something came up.”

“That sounds like an excuse.”

“You can call it that if you like, but we were ordered to cooperate with Lieutenant Commander Remmick if he asked us any questions.”

“Remmick came to your department?”

“To me in particular. He wanted to know all about how the helm controls came to be dismantled, how I gained access to the phasers, what I did after stunning my colleagues.”

“Well, there’s nothing wrong in all that. You received a commendation for your actions then after all.”

“Yes, he was curious about that too. He seemed determined to see everything I did in a negative light. He even dismissed the change to procedure that allows general crew access to strictly controlled stun weapons.”

“He’s a strange one. Very closed off. I’m having great difficulty sensing his motivations.”

“He then asked me about turning into a girl. How I managed it, why I did it, how it was highly irregular and did I think it conduct befitting of a Starfleet ensign.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“Why should you? He’s been all over the ship. I doubt anyone knows everywhere he’d been or everyone he’s talked to.”

“What did you tell him?’

“The truth, Deanna. The captain ordered us to cooperate, so I did, fully. Was that wrong?”

“No, Jean, that was the exact right thing to do. I just wish I knew his agenda.

“Still, nothing much we can do about it, unless you want to talk about it?”

“I’d rather forget about it if it’s all the same. He left me feeling grubby and a little unsure of everything I’ve done since arriving on Enterprise.”

“Really? Well that’s no good.”

“I know. I’m getting over it. As far as I’m concerned, he was out of line and the sooner I forget about him, the better.”

“Alright then. So what should we do without time?”

“Well, we could end the session early if you have other people to see.”

“I’d rather spend the time with my friend. Besides, I think you could do with a little reassurance.”

“Alright then, how about you help me with this questionnaire?”

“Okay, so what do you want to put you in it.”

“I thought I’d start off with a short introduction as to why I’m conducting the survey.”

“Not a great idea. It might influence some of the responses. Best just to say, ‘the captain has authorised me to conduct an investment gation into dress code aboard the Enterprise,’ and leave it at that.”

“Alright, I’ll take your advice on that. Then I thought, since this is going to be anonymous, a few demographic questions. Age, species, sub species, gender, that sort of thing.”

“There’s a pre-prepared library of those in the section on surveys. It’s pretty much expected that the standard one is included since it autofills from the individual’s Starfleet record.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“You’ve never conducted an investigation before, so you should be asking what’s available to help.”

“So, what’s available to help?”

“Pretty much what I’ve told you. The rest is specific to your investigation.”

Jean shook her head. “Fine,” she said with no small amount of frustration, and went on to talk about the concerns she wanted to address.

It didn’t take long and made good use of their remaining time. The message was pretty much ready to send by the time their session ended.

Several weeks had passed. Jean’s survey had gone out and the results come back within a week. Not everyone responded, but the seventy-two percent that did provided a fair cross-section of the Enterprise crew. With the non-responders marked as abstainers, she conducted a short demographic analysis and summarised her findings.

She submitted her full report a few hours before the deadline and went back to her work and study.

Which settled into a new and pleasantly challenging routine. Her younger appearance seemed somehow to give her a heater vitality, or perhaps that was simply finally being the person she’d always been inside.

She continued to lead her duty shifts in helm control and embraced the wider role of exploring the wider systems associated with steering. She’d also accepted invitations from a number of crewmen to explore different scenarios on the holodeck. As an acting senior ensign, availability of the holosuites was rare, so she’d been glad to accept most of the invitations that came her way. They ended up being romantic events, which she found excited her.

That would be something to raise with Deanna, perhaps even an excuse to book an appointment with her. For most of her life, while she’d been John, she’d felt awkward about same sex relationships – meaning the potential for relationships with men. There were a number of possible reasons, she knew, her strict religious upbringing for sure, her feeling that she was heterosexual – which became confusing in being unsure about her own gender identity. Was she a heterosexual girl who couldn’t come to terms with being physically male and so feeling it was wrong to be with other men, or was he a man who felt that fantasies about being a girl weren’t right? The there was the unconscious sense that everyone she met saw her as a man, which meant that the relationships with men would be seen by the other party as homosexual as much as relationships with women would not be seen as friendships between girls.

It had all been such a mess and it would be good to talk it through, though it would have to wait until Counsellor Troi returned from her conference. In the meantime, relationships felt gloriously straightforward, with the one consideration being that it might be a little too easy become deeply involved. Deanna’s parting words of wisdom at the gathering being that she should try to keep things casual until she felt settled in her new circumstances.

Holodeck dates had varied from conventional Parisian bistros to generic nature scenes -woodland picnics and the like - to more exotic alien locations with views of ringed planets and multiple moons.

Nothing much had disrupted life on the Enterprise-D, unless you included that incident with the Klingon dissidents who’d been killed on board. They’d not come close to her part of the ship so she’d only experienced it through the eyes of others.

She’d just come off a particularly difficult shift where the warp drive had been offline and the lithium crystals realigned by hand. This had led to a short jump of about twenty minutes at warp eight in which the steering had needed to be corrected almost continuously – also a manual process – in order to prevent the warp field from collapsing. She’d been quite exhausted by the time they reached their destination, and more than happy to pass on responsibility to the next shift.

“Computer, give me an ETA on Counsellor Troi’s shuttle.”

“The arrival time for Counsellor Troi’s shuttle has been delayed indefinitely.”

“Why?”

“That information is restricted.”

“What?”

“That information is restricted.”

“What level of restriction?”

“This information is restricted to staff officers only.”

That included Doctor Crusher. Jean headed for sick bay.

“Doctor Crusher?”

“Hello Jean. This really isn’t a good time.”

“Has it anything to do with Deanna?”

Beverley Crusher paused in her preparations and looked at the young ensign.

“What have you heard?”

“That her shuttle’s arrival time has been delayed indefinitely and the reason is restricted above my level.”

Beverley thought for a moment. “This is to go no further, and I’m only telling you because I know you and Deanna are friends. Counsellor Troi’s shuttle has experienced a systems failure and crash landed on a nearby planet called Viagra II.”

“Is that why we had an emergency transit at warp eight on an unbalanced dilithium matrix?”

“Yes. What do you know about it?”

“We had to balance the steering manually to keep from dropping out of warp.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, it’s thanks is to you that we made it here this quickly then. With luck we’ll have Deanna and Lieutenant Prieto back on board I no time.”

“Can I come with you?”

Beverley sighed. “I’m sorry, Jean, but that’s really not possible. Commander Riker has beamed down with Lieutenants Data and Yar, and the captain has ordered me to join them. Honestly, the best thing you can do is head back to you quarters and wait it out. I’ll tell Deanna to contact you as soon as she’s back on board.”

“Alright.”

“I know it’s hard, especially for those of you who have to stand around and wait, but we have to follow the chain of command in emergency situations like this.”

“I understand, doctor. Thank you for what you have told me.”

Jean headed back to her quarters. They were small, but at least she didn’t have to share with anyone. One of the advantages of being registered as transgender. She wasn’t asked to share with any male crewmen and no female crew were asked to share with her. It was also a disadvantage because she had no-one to talk to, not that she could because no-one she would usually have talked to had the clearance to know what was going on.

“Computer, inform me as soon as Counsellor Troi is back on board the Enterprise.”

“Acknowledged.”

“Computer, dim the lights and play something restful.”

The computer acknowledged again, then had to run through several options before finding something Jean actually liked.

She flopped onto the bed and discovered a small package waiting for her. It took her a moment to open it and remove the new uniforms she’d ordered from the replicator. Figuring it would use up a few minutes, she decided to change, experiencing a mixture of feelings at the effect.

It took a couple of hours, some of which had been spent in the sonic shower, some of it trying to read or sleep, most of it writing up the report on her shift. Because of he non-standard jump at the end, this needed quite a bit of unusual detail. She was just finishing up when...”

“Counsellor Troi is back on board the Enterprise. Counsellor Troi has requested not to be contacted except when absolutely necessary and only by staff officers.”

That wasn’t what she’d expected, but you respected your friends’ requests. Brimming with curiosity, she changed for bed and settled down to try and sleep.

She wasn’t settling very well when the shipwide broadcast was announced.

“This is Captain Kean-Luc Pickars. It is my very sad duty to inform you all that Lieutenant Commander Natasha Yar, this vessel’s chief of security was killed in the line of duty earlier today. Lieutenant Worf will be acting as head of security in her absence.

“As you can imagine, this has left a gaping hole in our family, and I would ask you to bear with us all as we come to terms with this loss. There will be a remembrance assembly in Cargo Bay 1, followed by a shorter remembrance service in holodeck one tomorrow at midday. Because of the limited amount of space, we would ask you only to attend the second gathering if you were a close friend of Lieutenant Yar’s.

“Danger is inherent to that which we are seeking to achieve out here among the stars, and this will inevitably not be the last time we face peril and the prospect of tragedy. It falls to us to face our grief with dignity and compassion at times like this, so I would ask that we please be gentle with one another and generous. I am certain that in doing so, we shall prevail.

“Message ends.”

That explained a lot, even without the details. There wasn’t much Jean could do, but she would show her respects at the crew assembly tomorrow, and she would try to find Deanna after the private service.

It took a while, but she was tired, so eventually she fell asleep.

“Counsellor Troi is on holodeck one.”

As expected. Jean requested entry and to door opened onto a grassy, hilltop meadow. Deanna sat on the grass some distance from the doorway. A vase of orchids stood by the doorway. Jean took one and walked quietly forward, placing it with a great many others in front of a tombstone.

“Did you know Natasha?”

The question was an invitation. Jean sat next to the counsellor, mentally noting the puffiness around her eyes.

“Only by reputation.”

“Computer, play holographic recording.”

An image of Natasha Yar appeared in front of them. She was smiling but you could tell it was a recording because she wasn’t quite looking at them.

“Hello, my friends,” she said. “You are here now watching this image of me because I have died. It probably happened while I was on duty, and quickly, which is what I expected. Never forget I died doing exactly what I chose to do. What I want you to know is how much I loved my life, and those of you who shared it with me. You are my family. You all know where I came from and what my life was like before. But Starfleet took that frightened, angry young girl and tempered her. I have been blessed with your friendship and your love.”

Jean stayed quiet.

“She was an orphan,” Deanna said. “She grew up on Turkana IV, which was a failed federation colony, looking after her younger sister, foraging for food and hiding from rape gangs and other forms of violence.

“She escaped from the planet when she was fifteen, but can you imagine a childhood like that?”

“What happened to her sister?”

“Ishara stayed on Turkana IV to help rebuild it. She’s going to be devastated to hear about this.”

“Less so if you send a copy of that recording, I should imagine. She obviously cared a great deal about you all.”

“Computer, play message to Deanna Troi.”

The image of Lieutenant Yar flickered momentarily.

“Deanna, you are capable of so much love. You taught me without ever having to say a word. I realized I could be feminine without losing anything.”

“Sounds about right,” Jean smiled fondly at her friend. “You thought me to be feminine as well.”

“Even in pants.” Troi glanced at Jean’s new uniform.

“I’ve always liked skirts for the way they make me feel feminine, but I don’t need girly clothes in order to feel that now.”

“Can I do anything for you, Jean?”

“I hoped I could do something for you. If you want to be alone, I’ll go, but I wanted to check you were okay.”

“I will be, and thank you, I would appreciate some company, though would you mind if we just sit?”

“Whatever you need, Deanna.” Jean squeezed the counsellor’s arm and settled down beside her to wait. It was a different environment from any of her recent dates, but it was just as restful. After a few minutes Deanna rested her head on the slender girl’s shoulder. It was just companionship, Jean knew it, which meant Deanna could sense she knew it too.

“Ensign Harris.”

Jean stood stiffly to attention in the captain’s ready room.

“Oh for heaven’s sake, ease up a little ensign. You’re giving me a backache just looking at you.”

“Sorry sir.” Jean relaxed a little.

“I think I liked you better when you were babbling at me. No, don’t apologise again. Damn, I’m making a mess of this.”

“Sir?”

“I’m not very good with younger cadets. Too many memories of how unruly I was in my youth I think.”

“Yes sir. If it helps sir, I’m actually a lot older than I look.”

“Do you think I can’t read a service record, ensign?”

“No sir. S...” Jean bit back on the apology.

“At least you’re young enough you can still learn. Which, apparently, is more than can be said of me in this instance. No, if anyone is owed and apology it’s you. Just this reaction to young people is... Seems to be hardwired onto me.”

“I understand sir.” A neutral enough response not to bait the bear.

“Your report was thorough,” the captain said. “The one on dress code.” As if she’d submitted any others. “I know it may seem trivial, but I’d like you to bring it to a Starfleet committee while we’re visiting Earth.”

“Sir?”

“You know we’re on our way back to Earth, don’t you?”

“Being on helm control, I’m aware of all course changes sir.”

“Of course you would be. I suppose you’re disappointed not to be going to Pacifica.”

“Counsellor Troi offered to take me swimming sir. I was rather looking forward to it, but we all understand that more important matters might require us to change plans at a moment’s notice.”

“So what do you know about the important matters that are redirecting us this time?”

“Not a great deal, sir. The diversion to Dytallix B was as a result of your receiving a code forty-seven message – captain’s eyes only. There was a bit of speculation following that piece of information, but I’ve never felt it worthwhile listening to that.”

“Very wise. What else?”

“I believe our next course change was in order to investigate a disturbance which turned out to be the wreckage of a federation starship, then the last one towards Earth followed shortly after that. It would be fair to assume the two events are connected.”

“Yes. Yes indeed. I’m going to confide in you ensign. Not a great deal I’m afraid, but hopefully enough. Do you remember when Rear Admiral Quinn came aboard at Relva VII?”

“Not something I’m likely to forget in a hurry, sir.”

“No, that’s right. You were interviewed by Commander Remmick, weren’t you?”

“Interviewed is one word you could use, yes sir.”

“Unpleasant but necessary, ensign. The Admiral was concerned about a hidden threat within the federation and our recent cloak and dagger activities seem to confirm his worries. Our visit to Earth is to see if we can discover anything further.

“It has occurred to me that evidence of whatever this threat may be is likely to be well hidden at command level, but might peak out around the edges in lower ranks.

“You’ve shown on this tour that you’re capable of both acting appropriately on your own initiative in a crisis and following orders with an excellent degree of attention to detail, so when we arrived at Earth and Admiral Quinn beams up to the Enterprise, I want you to beam down to Federation Headquarters and give your presentation on dress code to the clerical committee responsible for such things. It’ll give you an opportunity to mingle with mid-level command and possibly a few people of your rank. I want you to sound them out – discretely, mind – and see if you can find out any additional information. You are to report your findings directly to Lieutentant Commander Data. Do you think you can handle that?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Thank you ensign, that will be all.”

They were a few days out which gave Jean a chance to review her report and put it into a presentation. Her hair had grown quite a lot since her final operation, so she booked herself in to one of the on board hairdressers – on Deanna’s recommendation – to have it tidied up a little. She’d commented on the counsellors curls – not an option with her hair not being particularly long yet – and settled on a short perm which delighted her in the way it changed her appearance as much as how her hair became far more mobile.

She prepared her notes and headed down to transporter room one about the time Admiral Quinn beamed up. She beamed down very shortly afterwards.

“Commander Remmick?”

The young commander looked up from the transporter controls.

“Do I know you?”

“You probably don’t remember sir. You interviewed me when you came aboard Enterprise around Relva VII.”

“Ah yes, I remember. You’re the transwoman. I believe I gave you a particularly hard time. I do apologise.”

“I don’t suppose you can tell me what the whole thing was about, could you sir?”

“I’m afraid not. But what are you here for?”

“I have a presentation on dress code to give.” She held up her data pad.

“Not a problem. You’ll find where you need to go a couple of floors down.”

“Yes sir, thank you sir.”

Remmick was the same sort of creep he’d been on their previous encounter. He didn’t seem like typical Starfleet material, but wondered if she was just being paranoid.

Two floors down took her to a concourse where a receptionist indicated which room she should go to for her presentation and when. She had a half hour, so went in search of a canteen for something to eat and drink.

She didn’t have to wait long before a group of young ensigns joined her.

“You’re new,” one of them said. “Where ate you from.”

“Oh, I’m on the Enterprise-D. We’re paying an unscheduled stop back here which has given me the opportunity to give a presentation.”

“Oh? What in?”

“Uniform dress code.”

“Don’t tell me, you’re holding out for shorter dresses.”

There’s always a joker. Unfortunately this one seemed to have brought his audience with him. All except one girl – also wearing a skant – who didn’t seem so enamoured with the humour.

“Actually, my survey of crew serving on the Enterprise suggests that this uniform has probably had it’s time.”

“What do you mean? I think it looks pretty fine on you.”

“Well, at least part of my presentation covers men wearing this uniform. We have quite a few on Enterprise – I used to be one of them – but...”

“I’m sorry, you used to be what?”

“One of the men on Enterprise who regularly wore this uniform.”

“You were a man?”

“I was physically and genetically male, yes. Not so much mentally and emotionally, but I was lucky enough to get myself an upgrade...”

“You what?”

“Long story for another time. Anyway, after I changed, I noticed a few things about the women’s skant compared to the men’s, like it’s shorter to the verge of being indecent. The idea of introducing skants for men was to promote equality – men and women could both wear an equivalent of the other’s uniform – but the reality isn’t working out like that. In short, neither men nor women are particularly happy with this as a uniform. The men feel it’s a way to put themselves across as non-aggressors, but most feel a little uncomfortable wearing one, and the women have noticed that, although it’s not by much, the skirt length on the female skant is just a little shorter than on the male, which means it still feels like there’s objectification of women, only it’s hiding in plain sight.

“Both men and women in Enterprise, and I mean both men and women who regularly wear both types of uniform, indicated that they would be happier if the uniform reverted to a pant suit for both genders.”

“Wow. You must really feel proud of your contribution to space exploration.”

“Yes, proud enough. This isn’t the only thing I’ve done, but I’d say it’s still relevant. Someone has to take care of the details, and I’m early enough in my career and not too proud. You know, standards get eroded if you don’t keep an eye on things.

“I mean take a look at this place. I’ve been away less than a year and it feels different.”

“I know what you mean,” the girl said. “High command has been acting strange for a few months now, pretty much since Commander Remmick arrived.”

“Oh Leanne, give it a rest. She’s been seeing boogiemen under the bed for the last six months.”

“And before that?” Jean asked. “How many cry wolf stories before this one?”

“Well, none I suppose, but this one’s ridiculous.”

“Would You tell it to me?” Jean.

“Just like a couple of girls to stick together, even when there’s obviously,” all syllables enunciated clearly, “a loads of rubbish. Come on guys. I’m not sure I want to chat up a transgirl anyway.”

Gender prejudice alive and well in the twenty fourth century.

“Were you really a man?” the girl asked; the only one of the crowd to stay behind.

“That depends on your point of view. Physically and genetically yes, but with a slight genetic twist that meant my brain developed more like a woman’s.”

“So how did you...?” she gestured at Jean’s breasts.

“As I said, a long story and one I’d be happy to tell you, but first, what can you say about the way things have changed around here?”

“Oh, er, are you sure you want to hear? I mean no-one else believes me.”

“I’d like to make up my own mind.”

“Well, okay. Like I said, it was when the Redoubtable came back from exploring around Upsilon Draconis. Commander Remmick was first officer, only when the ship docked, he requested to see Admiral Savar in private. When they came out of the meeting, the admiral announced Remmick as the new aide de camp.

“I mean, Savar’s a Vulcan and he started smiling! It only lasted a couple of days, then it was like someone told him what he was doing wrong and he went back to sort of normal behaviour for a few weeks, then Senior Opps Commander Gates started acting differently. A couple of months later, Admiral Aaron joined their ranks along with Captain Tryla Scott about the time she was promoted.

“A month or two later, Admiral Quinn set off on a tour of federation space, along with Commander Remmick. By the time he came back he was a different person – meaning the person you see today.”

“You’ve tried reporting this?”

“Yes, but no-one believes me. It’s scary.”

“Well, I believe you. At least I’m prepared to believe you until an investigation can be made.”

“But you’re just an ensign like me. Who’s going to listen to us?”

“I may have someone.” Jean touched her comm badge. “Commander Data, I have something to report.”

She went through all she’d learned.

“Thank you ensign, that corresponds with everything we’ve been able to learn through other means. The captain has asked that you beam up to the ship as soon as you are able.”

“I have my presentation to give in ten minutes, Commander. It would seem unlikely dual if I were to leave before giving it.”

“That sounds reasonable, ensign. How long is your presentation?”

“Less than half an hour.”

“Then I shall expect back on board Enterprise in no less than forty five minutes.”

“Yes sir.”

The presentation ended up taking twenty five minutes including questions and Jean’s own demonstration given that she had worn a skant for the presentation. The clincher was when she had raised her arms and the mini-dress had ridden up enough to show what she assured them she did not want to display

The committee offered their thanks and said they would publish their ruling once they had given the matter due consideration.

Jean excused herself and made her way back to the transporter pad where she was glad to see someone other than Remmick at the controls.

Phaser fire from down the corridor sent the transporter operator scurrying away with his own weapon drawn. Jean was neither armed nor combat trained so she called to Enterprise for transport.

Protocol dictated that all transporter transfers, both in and out, should be overseen by HQ transporters, but with the technician gone, Jean had little choice but to call to the ship for beam up.

Once back on board, she wasn’t sure what to do. The transporter technician didn’t know more than to log her arrival, and there was no-one else waiting for her. She sent a brief message to Lieutenant Commander Data to say she was back on board and received an acknowledgement of the message. Apart from that there wasn’t much to do. With the ship in orbit, her section was stood down. Which meant she had little more to do than return to her quarters.

There was a downside to having quarters on her own. She changed out of the skant and into her newly preferred uniform and tried to desire what to do next. She’d eaten in the Starfleet HQ canteen so she wasn’t hungry. She could apply for shore leave, but the only people on the planet below she might call family almost certainly didn’t want to anything to do with her. She could possibly put a call through to one of the crew members who’d dated her, but being the girl, she wasn’t sure how her making the advance might seem. Girls had the freedom to take the initiative these days, but as often happened, the way people chose to behave changed a lot slower than the way society told them to. Besides, the probability was that each of those guys was probably on shift and not available. Even if they weren’t on shift, they probably had something else planned.

She needed to cultivate more female friends, she decided. But that was a thing for the future. For now...

She decided to compose a letter home. They ought to know what had happened to her, even if it meant she’d have to endure pages of criticism in return. As she’d said to Deanna, you didn’t shut your parents out of your life, just insisted that they not control it. If you were going to do that though, you had to keep the door open and remind them that it was, so they could approach if they wanted to.

She was on the third paragraph when the hail came through.

“Ensign Harris, report to the briefing room.”

She acknowledged and headed for the nearest turbolift.

“Ensign Harris, do come in,” Captain Pickard addressed her as the door slid open. “Take a seat. I apologise for leaving you hanging there, but we had a few things to resolve before including you in this debriefing.”

“It’s alright sir, I didn’t imagine you’d wish to speak to me after...”

“Nonsense. You were a part of the mission, so your report should be included in the mission log. Perhaps you’d care to make your report now.”

“Er, certainly sir. I beamed down as instructed after Admiral Quinn came aboard. I encountered Commander Remmick in the transporter room...”

“Remmick?”

“Yes sir. I think he’d just beamed the admiral up to the ship.”

“I suppose that would explain how he managed to get that parasite on board my ship.”

“Sir?”

“You should know, ensign, that an attempt has been made over these last few months by an insect like parasitic organism to infiltrate Starfleet. Commander Remmick was apparently taken over by a hive queen of sorts during an away mission.

According to Redoubtable’s mission logs, Remmick was able to feign a condition which required him to be picked up from the planet by shuttle craft, thus avoiding the bioscan that would have shown the parasite. It seems he was then able to alter his pattern on record in such a way as to camouflage the creature inside him.

“From what we have been able to ascertain in the past few hours, the parasite queen gave birth to lesser young that were used to take over certain key individuals. They had plans to do the same with Commander Riker and myself, along with a few other key individuals – it seems a key part of their strategy was to take over the medical officer in case any cover up was required.

“The Laval form of the creature could not be so easily hidden, so Remmick had to control the transport to get Admiral Quinn and the creature on board.

“Sorry, I’ve interrupted you. Go on.”

“Yes sir. Commander Remmick and I had a brief exchange in which I asked him why he was so brutal in his questioning a few months ago and he declined to answer and left shortly afterwards.”

“Just as well, otherwise you might have have become an unwilling member of their fifth column.”

“Yes sir. In any case I registered for my presentation and went to the canteen for some lunch.”

“Weren’t you ordered to make discreet enquiries?”

“Yes sir. One advantage of looking like this, especially in a short skirt, if I sit at an empty table, I’m almost guaranteed not going to stay on my own for long. It only took a few minutes before a group of cadets come over to chat me up, and I was able to bring the conversation round to things maybe being a little unusual. One of the cadets had noticed something of the sort although the others weren’t convinced, however what she had to say matched with the briefing you gave me before the mission, so I asked her for details and transmitted them up to Lieutenant Data as soon as I had a full story.”

“All of which helps to corroborate what happened. As it turns out, the aliens were a little more pro-active with their plans than we anticipated and nearly succeeded in taking control of me and the Enterprise. If we’d had your information a little sooner, we’d have known full well we were walking into a trap, but unfortunately your intelligence about Captain Scott being infected didn’t reach us until too late. That’s on me. What you did was exactly as asked for and exceeded expectations in both how much and how swiftly you were able to bring us the information.

“You should know that Commander Riker and I were able to trace the infection back to Commander Remmick, and after the queen parasite was dispatched, the lesser ones left their hosts and were easy enough to deal with. This was a serious threat to Starfleet and the federation, and your name will appear in the report as instrumental in preventing it.”

“Thank you sir.”

"I understand you remained behind after completing your mission to present your report to the sub-committee."

"I thought it would have seemed suspicious if I returned to Enterprise without giving it, since that was the official reason for me beaming down in the first place."

"Quite so, although it brought close to the action without a weapon."

"I'm happy not to be carrying a weapon sir. I'm not a fighter."

"Understood. I suppose it means we'll be receiving a report from Starfleet soon enough dictating a change to our dress code. In a way I shall be glad to see the end of short skirts on a starship. If nothing else, they have the potential to be distracting."

"I agree sir, and I really don't think they look that good on men."

“Very good. One more thing, ensign. This is the third time you’ve impressed me, and I’d rather not see potential such as you've shown squandered. I know this is your first tour on a starship, but I’d prefer to see you doing something that matches your obvious potential better than merely steering my ship.”

“Yes sir. Sir, at Counsellor Troi’s suggestion, I’m already learning all systems relating to helm control.”

“Good. That’s a start at least. How do you feel about extending your knowledge a little further.”

“Excited, sir.”

“Excellent. Carry on as you are for now, but expect to hear from Lieutenant Data who will be adding to the areas you’ll be studying, with a view to understanding their interconnectedness.”

“Sir?”

“We’ve already had a couple of times in the past few months when the damned complexity of this ship has come altogether too close to destroying us, or worse, embarrassing us. By the end of this rotation, I want a team of officers on my staff with as much imagination as training who can give me options any time we find ourselves with our figurative pants around our ankles. How would you like to be one of those officers, Ensign Harris?”

“Very much so sir.”

“Good. I look forward to reading about your progress.

“Lastly, we have forty eight hours before we’re due to break orbit and continue our mission. I know Earth is not Pacifica, but perhaps you and Counsellor Troi might want to beam down to the planet and enjoy a swim in the Pacific. I understand Ecuador and Peru have some decent weather this time of year.”

“Yes sir. Thank you sir.”

“Well, stop wasting time. Make it so.”