I don’t pass – BUT what the hell

Sometimes it's just too much effort to stay hidden - and it's no fun ... and it's LONELY.

I like to wear women’s clothes. It began with an increasing disapproval, even disgust, at the narrow range of colours and especially materials available to me as a ‘mere male’.
Yuk.
I want colour. I want soft, sleek, smooth, sheer and lots of other femme-words that don’t begin with S. Why do I feel restricted to denim and all the other bloke-stuff which is hard and harsh and unlovely?

I love satin, silk, soft and flowing. I know other words but don’t have a clue what some of them are. Maybe chiffon, georgette, organza, taffeta, crepe – I really don’t know what they might feel like, how they might contribute to feeling femmy. Jersey and the lovely way it holds and clings – that’s rather nice.
BUT
And I don’t need any coarse and grubby jokes about my Butt – I’m not American.

I’ve bought stuff over the years. It’s well hidden (at least I think it’s well hidden). A couple of skirts, a long dress in blue jersey, several blouses, vests and a respectable (well, I like them) collection of lingerie.

But I know that I don’t look in the slightest feminine. There are women who, to my eye, don’t look especially feminine. Age and a level of, shall we call it, deterioration have shaken them somewhat – but they carry themselves as women. I think few would question their gender. And, maybe, for some of them at that age, state and status – it matters less.

But my dearest wish is to be relaxed and comfortable – even if in clothing usually determined as being not-for-males. I go to the shops. Even the larger supermarkets have a range of clothes now. I’ve seen satin-style wide-leg trousers – why shouldn’t I wear them. There's all sorts of things I've seen that I want. And trawling through some of those wonderful online clothing catalogues - that's a lot of fun. I know there's a risk with things not fitting - but I'd say the error rate is more like 5%. That's not a big risk - especially since returning is usually no trouble. And, yes, since you wonder, I do glance at the reviews. Sometimes.

I’ve seen tops and vests and all the rest – the skinny straps aren’t really my style – but I can cope with them in exchange for the slick, slidy wonderful, womanly-I-think feel of the material.

As for underwear – of course I wear panties almost all of the time. Bras when I feel like it. Stockings are less appealing as the back-clip is, for me, very hard to set – so it’s tights if I want (and that’s mostly not).

As I implied, I like a vest too. And now I’ve got used to the buttons being on the wrong – sorry – different side, I dress often topwise, bra, vest, top and a hiding-jacket. Trickier in hot summer.

But always alone. Always solo. Always out-of-sight. Hidden. Safe?

At night or relaxed on the sofa – I’ve worn negligees or nighties and panties for years. What a silly question. It does mean that I don’t invite anyone round. And that adds to the aloneness.

I’m a little cautious about my nether garb when I’m out – but who actually LOOKS at another’s clothing unless there’s something garish, outrageous or wrong. Not so many. I make sure there’s sufficient layering to hide – so no black or red bra under a thin white shirt. Do I look silly?

I’ve written this brain-download-blurt and realized that my first question was poorly worded. Why do I feel restricted? Because I believe what I’ve been told and also I feel there’s a risk. I’m as much restricted by ME as I am by what I think THEY might think, say, react or do. And their doing is too well publicised. For myself, I have no idea how real their reaction might be.

So I’m going to be a bit more bold – maybe not a satin skirt to the pub . Now that I’ve started thinking about being bolder – I can see new opportunities.

I’m old enough and look competent and confident – unless I go into bars, cafes or the like, I can’t really see much problem. Toilets – who really cares unless I make a fuss or they really are antagonistic.

I’ve read time after time – it’s about being confident. That’s the target. (So that I won’t be!)

likely to be continued