Part 25

“L-l-lexie… M-m-m-may I ask you s-s-something? J-j-just b-b-between u-us?”

“Of course.” When the other women had gone out of the room for lunch, I had remained behind, wanting to put the last touches on a script and have it run during the lunch break. Vinnie had too.

“I-i-i-i-it is a-a-a-about t-t-to… Oh… A-a-a-about h-h-how t-t-to b-be m-m-more s-s-succces-s-sful w-with m-m-m-m-men…” Vinnie was redder than a tomato.

Of all the world – well, of half of it – she had to ask exactly me!… What I could tell her?! I had not a shred of clue how to woo a man! Carlo didn’t count, for a very good reason…

But maybe I was exactly the best person to tell her that! Was there a woman in the world that would know better than a man what attracts men? And what man Vinnie would dare to ask about that, and believe his response?

“I think you are just a bit too shy, Vinnie. All you need is…” I remembered the talks between the women about me and Carlo. “To signal to the man that you like his presence. Help him with something. Or ask for his help with something. This is a great start.”

“He w-w-will n-n-not p-pay a-a-any at-t-tention t-t-to m-m-me!”

“Of course he will. You are smart and nice, beautiful, wonderful person. If you don’t shy away from men, every man would love to be with you.”

“I-I-I a-am not b-beautiful! L-look at my leg!”

“So what? Remember, I told you about that girl without a leg at all, with a prosthesis, that visited the hut where my father works? And all boys who adored her?”

“B-b-but my l-l-leg is r-r-r-really u-u-ugly!” Tears streaked the face of Vinnie. “You d-d-don’t know how m-m-much!”

“Really? Would you dare to show it to me?… Don’t be ashamed, we are all girls here…”

“P-p-promise n-not t-t-t-to t-tell a-a-a-anyone?”

“Promise. You know I keep my word.”

Vinnie blinked several times, trying to overcome herself. Then carefully lifted her skirt.

Her legs were not just good – they were really beautiful. The left one was slightly bent, so little that one could easily overlook it.

“Vinnie, is THAT what you call a bad leg?! If you hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t notice it is different! Most girls would kill for a pair of legs as beautiful as yours!”

“What?!… This c-c-c-can’t be!… Lexie, why you a-a-are s-saying that?!”

“This is the truth, Vinnie. I swear in everything dear to me.”

“T-this c-c-can’t be!… S-swear in your b-beauty!”

“I do. I solemnly swear in my beauty. And if this is not enough, in the masculinity of Carlo too. If I was a man, I would be happy and proud to be with a girl with such beautiful legs. Both of them.”

Vinnie stood like paralyzed, blinking and opening and closing her mouth under the torrent of emotions. Some time passed before she could calm herself.

“I-I-I d-don’t b-b-believe you.”

“Didn’t I swear in it?”

“You d-d-did, but… How c-can you know what m-m-men think?! I-if anyone d-doesn’t have a s-single bit of m-man in them, t-that is you.”

“Oh, umm, everyone has a bit of both sexes. So, the scientists say—”

“N-n-not you. You s-speak, move, even t-think more f-feminine than e-e-every woman I have s-seen. E-e-especially a-after you g-got C-c-carlo. H-h-how you c-can k-k-k-know what m-m-men t-think?!”

Did I really think like a woman? Especially after starting to live with Carlo?

Was having sex as a woman with him changing me? Or… just living next to him?

Don’t think of it now. Calm down her first, think later of yourself. Be a real man.

“Vinnie, I grew up among men. My father and his colleagues. I have never had a woman close to me… Umm, when I was younger, I even dreamed of becoming a boy somehow… I have listened to them talking about women thousands of times. Umm, the mountain hut is small, they were thinking I am sleeping and don’t hear them, but I did… So, I know what men value in women perfectly well. As well as if I was a man myself. I have heard it so many times that there is no other way.”

“R-r-really?”

“Haven’t I told my story?… You just need to try. To not be afraid. To be your real self, proudly, without any shame. You are great. Your legs are beautiful. You are like a sunshine. No man would be able to resist your charm. You deserve better than hiding and being ashamed. Be your true self!”

“My t-t-true self? D-do you even k-k-know what m-my t-true self is?!”

“Say it. Let’s see if I will be scared or revolted.”

Vinnie looked at me with huge eyes. Swallowed several times – obviously it was hard for her to speak about that. Finally spoke:

“I-I-I l-l-like… C-c-c-computer g-g-g-g-games…”

“What’s the wrong with that?!”

“I-i-it’s not for g-g-g-girls…”

“What?! Vinnie, you can’t be serious! Of course it is for girls!… Less than a week ago, Carlo and I played a computer game an entire evening! I loved it, even more than him! And Carlo loved that I play with him!”

What upbringing must have had Vinnie to think that computer games are only for boys?! Some unbelievably conservative parents? Total old-timers? From a small village under a rock somewhere, living with views from 100 years ago?

Whatever it was, it had to end. Now. For her sake.

“You p-play c-c-computer g-games?!”

“Of course I do? Why shouldn’t I?”

“B-b-but t-they a-a-are not—”

“Are you trying to say that I am not a girl?”

“No, no!!!… But… I-it is n-n-normal for C-carlo to p-p-play that, he is a m-m-man… But if you p-played that too… T-tell me honestly, d-d-did you l-liked it?”

“I loved it! I plan to do it again this week! If that makes you not a girl, then I am not a girl too!”

“I c-can’t believe it… Of all p-people, Lexie is into c-computer g-g-games too!…”

“Yes. It is absolutely okay for you to be.”

“T-t-thank you, Lexie! Thank you!” Tears streaked the face of Vinnie.

“For nothing. I just told you the truth, nothing else.”

And I was not lying. It didn’t matter at all that the girl who is into computer games is Carla, not Lexie. There was a girl who is into them, and she was really beautiful, feminine, charming and deserving the best man, it was the truth. Vinnie could be such a girl too, if she just came out of her shell. And she deserved it.

But… What she told me… Was I already thinking like a woman indeed?

Maybe yes. For the last few days, I never had to ask myself what the women meant or how they were thinking. I just knew it, exactly like a woman would. And I was able to read men exactly like a woman would.

Was I losing being Damiano? During the weekends, while out of the damned bodysuit, certainly not. I understood the women better than before, but didn’t have a shred of doubt that I am male and liked it. However, while being Lexie, I… I was Lexie. Not exactly Damiano. Sure, all of him, but also more. What Lexie was. And that addition unobtrusively was somehow taking a precedence.

While out of the bodysuit, the idea of being Lexie for life would feel scary to me, to say the least. I would be freaked by it. Now, it was not exactly desired too, but appeared somehow less scary. If I had lost the remote and had to remain Lexie, I would not be happy, but could accept it and live this way for the rest of my life.

Well, if Carlo was with me. I preferred being Damiano and living with Carla, but being Lexie and living with Carlo could be a happy life too. A very different one, but still one worth living.

* * *

“—But I am a bit scared, to confess, of losing myself. Well, of losing being a man.”

“Why you are so scared of emasculation?” Carlo noted. “Sure, nobody likes their sex changed, but you make a tragedy out of it. Most women would not take it easy too, but will not be dying. And they would lose more than you.”

“Yep, tons of discrimination. What a loss!”

“What about losing the ability to conceive and carry a child? That is more important than doing dumb things to show how macho you are, methinks.”

“Well, that is how women prove their value. How I would feel if I had to be a woman, but couldn’t do it?”

“Oh, the bodysuits can help you grok it. Did you read the part ‘Expected Improvements’ in the manual?”

“What is the use of it? We can’t access even the present improvements.”

“Good then that I read yours too. One of the abilities they said they planned to offer for your bodysuit was to conceive and carry a child.”

“That could be convenient. Imagine a family where the mother cannot do it for whatever reason—” I suddenly stopped.

I had imagined the possibility that Carla cannot conceive, and myself becoming Lexie to carry our child. And had the warm and very clear feeling that I would enjoy it.

What the hell happened with me?! Was I scared for a good reason?

Was I… what was the name for this kind of people? Trans?…

“Lexie, what is up?”

I gulped.

“Nothing. With Lexie. With Damiano – everything… I wonder if I am actually trans.”

Carlo frowned.

“Well, to be honest, I am worried about myself too. I thought about this more than once. And I read more than a little… But I think we are not that. Neither you, nor me.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Imagine having periods. The bloody, slimy and smelly flow, the pains, the emotional rollercoaster—”

“Ewwww!”

“Wait, I haven’t even started yet! Imagine having also to often battle yeast infections down there and the flows that they bring – also smelling bad, itching, painful, hard to get rid of, coming every time you need to take an antibiotic. Always worrying that you might get pregnant when you can’t afford it. Having to shave your legs, arms, body here and there, maybe face too, not every day, but still. Staying constantly on a diet, feeling weak from hunger, to lose some weight, and failing. Trying tons of cosmetics to maintain your skin anywhere near good. Having to buy special shampoos for outlandish amount of money to keep your hair from thinning and being greasy or dry. Having to wash it every day, brush it a lot to have it neat, style it, color it. To pluck your brows. To wear nastily inconvenient clothes to hide the imperfections of your body. Being as plain as the average woman, having to always wear makeup to look anywhere near acceptable. Being physically weak, afraid to go alone when it is dark, or through an unknown neighborhood even during the day, or you risk being raped. Having your reproductive clock run out before forty, if you don’t have children until then, that’s it, unless you would pay tons of money for IVF. Having to find a husband who will not drink, beat you, gamble every penny away, abandon you alone with the children. Having to care for these children in addition to working, and this care is 24/7. Worrying about cancers on the female reproductive system, those are the most frequent…”

“Gosh…”

“That is what a real woman’s life is. Transwomen – that is, those who are born male but feel to be women – would love that. Would do anything to have it. Some of them would die if they cannot have it… Would you?”

“More like I would die if I have to have it… Is that how trans people feel when they are themselves? That is, the way they are born? These who are born women but feel like men?”

“Yes… What makes being Lexie bearable to you is that she is inhumanly perfect physically. No periods, body hair, undesired pregnancies, need for makeup and everything else – she has none of the female disadvantages, only the advantages, and them to a degree no real woman has. Even the orgasms you have as Lexie are better than mine! And on top of all that she has the physical strength of a male, is practically invulnerable and so on! Is it strange that it is bearable to be superhuman in almost everything, even if you have to be of the other sex?”

“Ummm—”

“Same with me. I don’t have any desire to be a man, apart from avoiding discrimination. All these smelly socks, stinky sweat, body hair, brain constantly addled by testosterone, uncontrollable sexual drive. Constant need to prove yourself to everyone. Your slightest whims never forgiven by the others. Less risk to be raped on the street, but much more to be beaten viciously, even killed. Being expected to always shoulder the hard work, take the risk, sacrifice yourself. Hundreds of other things that feel unnatural and scary… No, thanks. I am not that, I am a girl and like it. I tolerate the bodysuit because it makes me superhuman. All the male privileges one can think of. As strong as the strongest men, and invulnerable in addition. Appearance like women’s wet dream. No periods, the bodysuit takes perfect care of these. No yeast and similar infections, no unwanted pregnancies, being completely in control during sex… Not the true me, but heck, one can live like that and even like it! Don’t you think so?”

“Hmm… So you think we are not trans?”

“I am certain about it. Imagine your bodysuit could do all that mine does, and was male. Like Carlo, perfect in everything. Would you want to ever take it off? If mine could make me be a Lexie, I likely wouldn’t. Now I don’t feel like this. Do you?”

“Definitely not… But…” I felt blushing. “I get the feeling that I sometimes like being Lexie for a while. Kinda sorta taking a vacation from being Damiano… So yes, you are right, but maybe there is something beyond that. I don’t know if you feel like this.”

Carlo thought for a moment.

“You have a point, I do. Even the male privileges aside, sometimes being Carlo for a while feels… Liberating. Like if being a girl is okay, it is me, but sometimes becomes a bit too much. And then I can escape it for a while by putting on the bodysuit, becoming the superhuman Carlo instead… In this, maybe we are just the tiniest bit trans. Like everyone, I guess – who wouldn’t enjoy that?”

“Yes, you described it really well. Escaping from the mundane oneself and becoming temporarily a superhuman for a change. Like those superheroes in the movies. Many of them have an identity that is an ordinary human and live as it, and only put the mask and the spandex when they need to.”

Carlo looked at me and nodded. Then smiled:

“There is a scientific question that I start asking myself. Do superhumans have super-sex?” He laughed. I joined him, not caring that it came out as giggling:

“I believe that this can only be solved through experiments. Made enough times, to minimize the standard deviation…”

* * *

While changing into work uniform, I was looking through the small window. The ordinary Milan landscape. People down on the street, looking like ants from the fourteenth floor. Everyone leading their ordinary life.

Me too. Except that my life had become anything but ordinary.

If I knew where this bodysuit would take me, I would have never dared to put it on, for all the money in the world. I would likely prefer prison to it.

But after going through all of this, I was grateful. I had learned so much that I had missed. And more, which most people never learned. And had found someone to love. The sweetest, kindest, smartest girl ever.

And the most beautiful to my eyes, despite that to other people she would likely be plain, if not outright strange. Some people would likely laugh at me for this. If they only knew that I loved her also when she was looking like the manliest man ever, and behaving the part too!

When I was Lexie, I loved being with Carlo. But I would also love being with him when I was Damiano too. We wouldn’t do sex, but we still would love one another. Be the greatest friends ever… And when she was Carla, I loved her not only when I was Damiano. I would love her when I was Lexie too. Doing a girl-on-girl sex would be a bit confusing to me, but… well, if she really would go for it, I wouldn’t shy away too…

Suddenly I heard Mommy behind me:

“Hi Vin… Huh?!”

I quickly turned back. Vinnie, a bit late, was just closing the door behind her.

She was wearing shorts. Both her legs were seen from hip to toe.

And only the barely noticeable limping reminded me to look and see that her left leg was slightly bent. One would easily overlook it or attribute it to her pose.

She blushed and tried to smile. The other women were looking at her stupefied, at loss of words.

I had to intervene quickly.

“Hi Vinnie! You look stunning today! Beautiful like never before!”

“R-r-r-really?”

The other women suddenly exploded into chatter:

“Absolutely! If I had only imagined you will look so good in shorts!”

“My, Vinnie, you are a beauty! How did you fixed your leg?!”

“F-fixed?! I d-didn’t! I-i-it is the s-same like always!”

“Why then you said it is bad and ugly?! Was that some joke that was lost on us, or…?”

“Which one did you say is the bad one?”

“T-the l-left… You r-really think it’s n-not bad?”

“If I was not told you have a bad leg, I would never notice anything wrong with it!”

“Me too. If only my legs were that ‘bad’!”

“Vinnie, tell me please, who told you that your leg is bad and ugly?! And how’s that you believed them?!”

“I-I-I d-d-don’t r-remember… B-but I always knew i-it’s ugly…”

“It is not!”

“What a nonsense! How could you believe it?!”

“Of course it is not! Vinnie, your legs will pop out the eyes of every man!”

Vinnie looked at us and two tears rolled down on her face.

“T-thank you… I k-k-know it is not t-true, but thank you…”

“It is true! Absolutely!”

“Vinnie, how’s that you cannot see how beautiful are your legs?!”

“It is really true. You will see how men will look at you.”

“I-I saw they are l-l-looking while c-coming. But i-isn’t that because they are u-u-ugly?”

“How did the men look at you? With disgust or the way they look at Lexie?”

I felt myself blushing. Which, thinking of it, was really strange. Two months ago, I would be enraged by men ogling me…

Vinnie blinked several times. Then suddenly smiled:

“W-whatever it is, I-I-I came like t-this.”

“Wanna hear what the men think about your legs when we get into the room?”

“U-u-uhh… Y-y-yes…”

After getting into The Boudoir, Lu waited for several minutes. Then quickly assembled her eavesdropping device and put it on the wall.”

“—noticed her coming? I never thought she has so nice legs.” That was the voice of Tony.

“She always wore long dresses and skirts before. Never jeans or any other pants, and definitely never shorts. Now I can’t understand why.” I could easily distinguish the surprise in the voice of Filippo.

“Maybe she needed time to overcome something.” That was Nicola Petruccio. “And I am glad she did. I never guessed before that her legs look so good.”

“Yes, definitely good legs. What you think, Gab?”

“Whose legs?”

“Vinnie’s, you gamehead! Didn’t you noticed her coming to work in shorts?”

“No…”

“You are going to die a virgin. Probably not even realizing it.”

“Tony, you aren’t married either, why do you laugh at me? And haven’t you seen how beautiful is Helga from ‘Viking’s Raid’? Or Zaina from ‘Desert Conquest’?”

“I can marry whenever I want. And you will be sleeping with these Helga and Zaina, while great legs walk around you and you don’t notice them…”

Lu smiled and put the stethoscope back in the drawer.

“Well, Vinnie, are the men revolted by your legs?”

Vinnie just stood for some time. Then blinked a few times. Finally sighed:

“I c-c-can’t believe it yet. M-m-maybe I need s-s-some t-time…”

“Take it. You have the right to.”