Part 21

“For a girl that often goes to work in good-looking skirt and heels, jeans and a simple blouse like this one would be a hint that you are a bit down. Do you want to convey that?”

“Oooohhhhh… women and their hints!”

“Complaining does not befit a man. And your intelligence would benefit from learning some subtlety. Want to be able to understand women?” Carlo smiled.

“Oh well… Definitely don’t want to hint being down.” The other women – that is, the women – at work would instantly conclude that something is wrong with me and Carlo, and that would be totally untrue. He… well, she deserved better.

“Well, try adding some femininity then. The blue dress?

“No, I feel like wearing jeans today.”

“Low-heel lady shoes?”

“Don’t have such ones.”

“Best buy a pair, a girl like you needs them. Like Lexie, that is, no offense meant!”

“None taken.” I was already used to being considered a girl. It was embarrassing to admit it to myself, but even I sometimes thought of myself as one, while being Lexie. And after I had seen the intelligence of Carla, being a woman didn’t look to me detrimental at all.

“Some nice clips, then?… Best buy a few pairs too. A girl needs them… Don’t make such a face. Yeah, being female is expensive and takes a lot of thinking and intelligence. Even if you have inhumanly perfect beauty that doesn’t age or need cosmetics, don’t have to care for female hygiene, don’t suffer from monthly inconveniences, aren’t afraid of getting pregnant and tons of other stuff.”

“… But if you know about these too, you learn to value women and care for them,” I continued.

“And they see it and value you, trust me.”

“You think I don’t hear who the other… that is, the women in the company discuss all the time? And what they say about him?”

Carlo blushed slightly. Then sighed:

“The bodysuit was a huge lesson to me too. Before, I thought that men’s egos are so fragile because they are all spoiled brats. However, when I was accepted as one of them and started hearing things they would never say in the presence of a woman, I understood a lot… Looks like men are physically the stronger sex, but emotionally the weaker one. Many things hurt a woman emotionally, but then she recovers and forgets. Men get permanent scars from it, despite that they put much more effort into overcoming it. And they fight what hurts them alone, silently, not burdening anyone around with their problems. Now it looks to me like in many things the women are spoiled brats.”

“You are anything but spoiled. And not only that… You are more a man than men, and at the same time more a woman than women. The absolute best of both… Many other women are decent, nice and anything but spoiled. But you are unique.”

Carlo blushed even more.

“That sounds like a love confession…”

I felt myself blushing too.

“… But honestly, I think the same about you,” he continued. “You are a great man, I noticed how much you cared about me during the weekend. Even during sex – do you know how few men care for the girl and put her needs first?… And as Lexie you are a girl out of tales and dreams. Your beauty and the grace might be the bodysuit, but your niceness, warmth, decency, appreciation and care are you only, and I have never seen so much of them in a woman. I learned tons in that from you. Little wonder that all men at work are a bit in love with you…”

I felt myself blushing violently.

“… What about this shirt? It brings excellent harmony with the jeans. Add this brooch and you will be just perfect.”

“Thanks.” I quickly started putting on the shirt. “And… You know, you will likely benefit from having a Swiss pocket knife. It is a really handy and universal tool, men love them.”

“Great idea!… And thinking of it, I like them too, just never bought one because it is so un-feminine to carry. Hey, being a man is great!… Let’s hurry up, or we will be late for work.”

* * *

“… but these with too many tools are unwieldy and inconvenient to handle,” I explained while we were coming out of the subway. “Six to eight tools are the perfect compromise, most of them have more than one usage, you will have at least one good for practically everything. That’s why I suggested this one… Here are the keys from the apartment, I want to go buy groceries for Aunt Lauretta first.”

“Are you sure that I am still welcome?”

“Why wasting time to travel to your place?” Well, it was also true that I liked being with Carlo. With Carla… Hell with it, they are one, and she is really Carla! Exactly like I am really Damiano! No matter how we both look!…

The bell of Aunt Lauretta sounded as oldish as everything about her. I had to wait for half a minute before she showed up, eyes wide with surprise:

“Lexie? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, Aunt Lauretta. I just… I was in the Aldi and saw on promotion some things that I thought you might like. And decided to surprise you.”

She again stood motionless, with tears showing in her eyes.

“Lexie… does your boyfriend know that you are spending money on me?!”

“Yes. He nudged me to do it too. And paid half of it.”

“You…” A tear rolled down her cheek. “Would you come in for a tea? This bag looks too heavy for me to carry.”

“Of course.” The bag was heavy indeed, I had bought a lot of everything, to be sure that she would not need to economize.

A minute later we were sitting in her small kitchen and she was pouring tea in small China cups with flower motifs.

“Is there anything I can help you with, dear? You do so much for me, I feel really indebted.”

“Nothing, Aunt Lauretta. I just wanted to bring you something…” Suddenly a thought passed through my head. “My landlord, I know next to nothing about him. You surely know him better, he is your neighbor, could you tell me a thing or two?” It was a good idea to see myself from aside.

“I guess you have noticed that he has found another girl, and ask about her? It is true. Sadly, even your incredible beauty cannot keep a man waiting for you too long.” She sighed.

“I don’t want to keep him for myself, I have a boyfriend and like him.” I blushed slightly. “If he has found a girl, good for him, he looked to me like he needs one. Just want to know, what kind of a person he is? It is always useful to know that about your landlord.”

“So you aren’t jealous?” Aunt Lauretta looked at me with a bit of mistrust. “He is a very well-mannered and decent boy. A bit socially clumsy, but nice and good-hearted. A good catch, especially if things do not go well with your boyfriend.”

“Thank you, they currently go just fine.” Carla and me were stuck together, like it or not. “And what about his new girlfriend? Do you think they will hold as a couple?”

“Also a very kind and nice person. By far not as beautiful as you, but smart and nice girl. She undoubtedly has noticed that he is a very good choice. And I think that she would be a good choice for him too. They both appear quiet but trusty, I think they will hold together for a long time. I hope that this does not disappoint you.”

“Not at all. I…”

“I don’t think that she will be able to steal Carlo from you, if you are afraid of that. You are way more attractive than her, Carlo should be really stupid to abandon you. And if he does, you will very easily woo Damiano, he might not be so good-looking, but is a very decent guy too.”

“I hope that they will hold together.”

“I hope it too. I know what is to be without a family…” She sighed. “You know, my life wasn’t easy for the last few years. I was already thinking that people has become rude, lacking sympathy and humanity. However, you gave me a hope for the young. First you and Carlo, then they. One nice couple could be an exception, but two are already a rule.” She smiled.

“Thank you for the nice words, Aunt Lauretta…”

She sighed and smiled again.

“You might not believe it, but when I was young, I was beautiful too. Not as much as you, but still looked good. I made some money by modeling for painters and sculptors… Once Bartellini himself, he was then not thirty yet but already famous, asked me to model for him, for a painting. Then again, for a sculpture. And then…”

She said nothing for a minute, then continued:

“I was barely twenty and we… something lit between us. He wanted me to model for him again and again, had no eyes for any other woman. Neither had I for anyone but him. His works sold well and he spent every penny on me. Bought me the finest dresses, led me to every beautiful place in existence, invited me to the best restaurants… For almost ten years we were inseparable. Didn’t have an official marriage. You don’t care for papers when your heart is full…”

She fell silent again, this time for longer. Eventually continued:

“At some moment, he started cooling towards me. I felt rejected and abandoned, but thought of his good only. I pulled aside, to give him the freedom he wanted, I valued his happiness so much more than mine… Turned out, he had found another girl, younger than me…”

I couldn’t think of anything to say to that. She had deserved better from the life than this.

“Aunt Lauretta, I am so sorry about your loss—”

“Don’t be. I am not.” She smiled. “Yes, I had hoped that we will grow old and die together. I am still sorry that we didn’t. But I still love him, and that keeps the warmth in my heart. Wouldn’t wish to anyone to be abandoned like me, that is why I hope you the young will be together forever. However, I am not sorry that I was with him. If I could go back, I wouldn’t change it. A decade of life with your true love is worth more than a thousand lives without one.”

* * *

“So, she thought that I would be afraid of you, because you might be jealous of me, thinking that I would try to steal myself from you. And because of that, you might try to steal yourself from me, but would have no chance, since I am more beautiful than you. Or, you might try to get me to kick out myself, together with you, to avoid you abandoning me and stealing yourself from me, and thus leaving me without yourself. But, if you start affair with yourself to steal yourself from me, I could easily get revenge for that by wooing myself, as I would woo myself more easily than you will woo yourself… And the best part for me is, I have a choice and might decide to start first an affair with myself, despite that I am here only when I am not here and vice versa. Because if either I quit my job up the mountain or I quit visiting my parents during the weekends, I could meet myself and fall in love with myself, as I and I would be a couple no less nice than you and you…”

Carlo was lying on the bed and laughing so hard that he had to brush his tears off.

“That is better than that old story of the guy who was his own grandfather. These bodysuits can mess everyone’s head… Wanna go out for a dinner?”

“Oh, I should better cook something for my boyfriend. Otherwise, that pesky girl who they say was here during the weekend might go and steal him from me.”

“Can you cook?”

“Of course. How do you think I survived while not having a job? Raw materials are cheaper than even microwaveable packages. I even bought the ingredients for something…”

“That was delicious,” Carlo said an hour later, after finishing his portion. “I like chicken with rice, but have rarely eaten one so good.”

“Thank you for the compliment… Any entertainment?”

“Of course. A good boyfriend must always be able to think of something… Do you like gaming?”

“Well, I have tried Lands of Glory as a student and liked it. But haven’t played since then.”

“That was about five years ago? It was a rage then, even I had heard about it from inside the orphanage. Now there is Lands of Glory 3, you will like it even more…” Carlo quickly started selecting menus on the wall screen. “What gun you prefer? M-28? Halil-5?”

“Do they still have Chengu Commando, with the laser sights? I liked it a lot then.”

“Yes… One-to-one shootout?”

“Sure!”

Initially Carlo did much better, but then I managed to even the game. For about two hours we hid, stalked, shot one at another, killed vermin and brigands that attacked us. At the end I even managed to surprise and kill him…

While playing, I had forgotten about the damned bodysuit. I was just myself. I didn’t care if I was Damiano or Lexie. Yes, I had chosen a female character and named her Lexie, but that was just… well, the habit to comply with the bodysuit, nothing else. From there on, I didn’t care about sexes or anything.

But… Did Carlo let me win? Like a nice boyfriend who is supportive to his girlfriend?

Or like a nice girlfriend who has a mercy on the ego of her boyfriend?

As if there was much of a difference. And as if it mattered…

There was so much I could yet to learn about being a man from Carlo. And, heck, about being a woman from Carla. And the strangest of all was that these so often were the same thing…

“It was a pleasure, thank you… Time to sleep?”

“Sure. I will take the couch.”

“No way. I am sure that you won’t force yourself on me. Even if you have at all a desire to have sex with a woman as a man.”

“Well, there might be some benefit in it. Help you satisfy sexual tension, for one.”

“I don’t feel a sexual tension!”

“Why then did you have sex with me two days ago?” Carlo smiled.

“Ummm, when I’m myself, I do. When I am Lexie, I don’t. It is easy.”

“I guess then that this belongs to some former girlfriend?” Before I could react, Carlo reached to the nightstand next to the bed, opened the bottom drawer and took the vibrator out of it.

I was mortified.

“Um… well… The fucking bodysuit does not allow any other way to get some relief! Do you know how hard is for a man to stay for a week without any? While being constantly in a body that could arouse a corpse?!” I wanted to die on the spot.

“Calm down, please. Do you think that girls don’t feel sexual tension? And that they don’t use toys? This is designed and manufactured for girls!”

“Do you use toys yourself?” I still couldn’t control myself.

“I absolutely would, probably fancier than yours. However, I could only afford to buy one since I started being a man five days in a week. And men don’t need a toy for that.” Carlo blushed slightly.

“You mean… you have masturbated as a man?!”

“And you have masturbated as a woman. It is the circumstances that are strange, what we both did in them is the only normal.”

This helped me finally get myself under control. Shame on me – I behaved like a hysterical girl…

“It might even be beneficial,” Carlo continued. “For example, learning how women feel during sex could help you be absolutely great lover. Including to me.” He winked.

“And you learning how men feel during sex could help you be absolutely great lover too?” I tried to join the joke.

“Yes. But the main benefit might be unloading the tension a bit. When we were coming from work, I noticed how you check almost every girl. More discreetly than most men, but still… Of course, if you don’t want to, we won’t do it. If I were you, I would be curious about it, but there is no way I’m forcing you, no matter what.”

“And why you would be curious about it, if you were me? To become a better lover?”

“And because I would be a man enough to try being a woman.” Carlo grinned.

Hinting that I’m not a man enough to try it?

“Well,…” I blushed. “To be honest, I am curious too.” I hesitated for a moment, then forced myself to continue. “They say that women get it many times better than men, and honestly, it feels true. It was harder to bring myself to the top, but once I reached it, there are no words to describe it. I wouldn’t want to be permanently a woman for that, but it is a total wow. I don’t know if the bodysuit gives me the real version of what a woman feels, but…”

“Sounds like it does… Well, my bodysuit doesn’t decrease the strength of the orgasm, I lose nothing. But there is a feeling of having power and control that I don’t get without the bodysuit. And when I imagine having sex like this with a girl, that feeling is incredible. I dunno, maybe growing up in an orphanage has made me insecure, but I loved it. Exactly like you – I wouldn’t want to be permanently a man for that, but it feels great… Okay, we aren’t going to do it. Hell will freeze over long before I force you to have sex.”

“Let’s go to bed then.” My first thought was to ask him to turn away while I undressed, but then realized how idiotic that would be. Though Carlo still undressed without looking at me and with his back towards me. Probably to not scare me with his package.

Two days ago, we had gone to bed again with me as a girl and him as a man, but then we kept as far one from another as possible. Now Carlo tried again to balance on the bed’s edge, but I was ashamed of forcing him to sleep like that:

“Oh, move here! Get some comfort!”

“Are you sure—”

“Of course.” I pulled him towards me. Then, without thinking, somehow instinctively, nestled towards him.

He was bigger than me – it was so convenient to lean to him, exactly like a girl next to a boy. I had never nestled like this towards men and would expect it to revolt me. To my greatest surprise, it didn’t. It felt like just sleeping next to another mountain rescuer. Maybe even more comfortable. Somehow more assuring, more secure…

Shit! I was completely naked!

While alone, I was used to sleeping like that. When I had to start sleeping in the bodysuit, this hadn’t changed, there was no need to put anything on. Our first night in one bed, we had slept in our underwear. But I was distracted now and had taken everything off by habit…

But why worry? Carlo was actually Carla, and was not into girls. Would not feel any need to touch me and so on… And even if she did, she would be touching the bodysuit, not the real me, I wasn’t actually naked at all! And she already touched me a lot during the weekend night, and this didn’t worried me at all! We had sex and I loved it! Why should I be worried about that now…

This time however I was the girl. Would I agree to be fucked by a man?

Well, definitely not, but Carlo was not really a man, he was Carla. Whom I liked and admired, and had had sex with. This changed the things a lot.

Would it feel as good as with the vibrator? Likely yes. Maybe even more.

But that scared me too. I was afraid that if I get it too many times, I could become addicted to it. The pleasure the vibrator brought was mind-boggling. Every time I tried to not moan and failed. Almost screamed during the peak, the orgasms were earth-shattering… But still, the sex as a man after that, two days ago, was as great as before. I definitely was satisfied by it. So, there was no need to worry.

And… If I moaned and screamed while having sex with Carlo, I might look indecent… But so what? Carla did it while we were having sex and wasn’t ashamed of it. Why should I be? Neither she looked indecent, too…

Why I was thinking about all this right now? Was it because… because I felt sexual tension? Initially as Lexie I was too ashamed and feeling down to pay attention to that. But once I got on top of it, the feeling of being in a smoking hot female body was a constant sexual torture. Even worse than holding such a girl in your arms and not being able to have sex with her. And being ashamed of feeling it didn’t helped it at all. I was so relieved after I could make myself masturbate as Lexie…

Yes, hugging next to Carlo made me feel again the femininity of the bodysuit again. The smoothness and the softness of its skin, the curves of its breasts, all that feeling mine… My entire body felt like it was on fire. I instinctively pressed myself towards Carlo. Gosh, I could really do with some relief now!

So when I felt the blanket being pulled slightly by a stirring from the direction of his crotch, this was somehow… okay. After all, this was actually Carla, a girl. It would be the same as using the vibrator, the only difference was that a girl would be helping me. One that I already had had sex with. One that I adored…

Carlo lightly moved his hand over my hair. The feeling was… I could not describe it. Like hearing from far tender night blues. Relaxing, calming and at the same time arousing even more…

I hugged him strongly, squeezing myself into him. And he tenderly stroked my hair again…