Part 18

“It turned out absolutely perfect. The best ice cream I had ever tried.” It was true – the dessert was a heaven.

“I tried it for a first time too. Was a bit afraid if it would be good.”

“It was!… But still, couldn’t we share the bill? We live in modern times, men don’t have to shoulder all expenses.”

“Maybe some other time.” Carlo smiled. “Now, what would you prefer to do?”

I almost fainted from the effort to keep smiling.

“Umm, I don’t know… Maybe go somewhere?… Your place, or mine?… Or just take the car somewhere romantic?…” I was ready to give ten years from my life to have this behind me.

“I can think of a place that is said to be very romantic…”

After about an hour of driving and unassuming chat Carlo took a turn into a small road, winding uphill. Soon we stopped next to the road, under some trees. There was an incredibly beautiful view to Milan, bathed in nighttime lights. If I was really a girl, this would be an unforgettable evening for me. The perfect prelude to an unforgettable night.

Well, that night WAS going to be unforgettable for me. Just for a different reason… I clenched my teeth, withholding a scream from shame. Or a cry. Or maybe both. Happily, it was too dark to see my face well.

“Lexie, there is something I want to tell you… You are the most beautiful girl ever. And also the smartest, the kindest, the nicest… Beating every other woman at everything. Being your colleague is the greatest privilege a simple boy like me can have.”

Simple boy? No way. Carlo was much more than that, and deserved to know it.

“You are anything but simple, Carlo. Every woman I know says that you are the perfect man. And… I think that too.” I sighed. “I will surely never see in my life anyone who is half the man you are.”

The hand of Carlo gently touched mine. At the very first moment, it took me an effort not to pull back. His touch however was somehow calming and reassuring. It reminded me that debts must be paid, no matter what. And even gave me a bit of strength to do it.

I put hesitantly my other hand over his. I thought for a moment what I could do to encourage a bit this oh too decent boy. Then remembered a rom-com I had watched, stepped closer to him and hugged him, lightly as a girl would. He immediately hugged me too – so gently that I even wasn’t scared. Felt supported instead. Somehow felt that whatever happens, I can rely on Carlo. That he will think of me first.

Maybe even if he learned the truth about me…

Still, what was about to happen… With an effort to not cry from shame, I put my head on his shoulder. He caressed my hair, then my back and waist… The mix of feelings, his supportiveness and niceness combined with my shame, was almost impossible to bear. I didn’t know what to do.

So when he kissed me, I just gave in. I didn’t had any idea if I kissed him as a real girl should do, but he apparently liked it. And the feeling of being supported and cared for became even stronger. Even sensing his arousal against my hips could not tip the balance and break me.

“Maybe… maybe we can… you understand…” It was time to push this somehow behind me. No matter what.

“Yes, my dearest… Is the car good for you?”

Well, it was good for a plenty of women in rom-coms.

“Yes…”

Carlo quickly pushed the driver seat forward until it almost touched the steering wheel, to make the back seat more spacey. However, when he tried to do the same with the passenger seat, it refused to move.

“Don’t worry, Carlo. I think there is enough room.”

“Your caret, Your Highness.” He bowed and offered me a hand. I took it, hoping to pull that as good as the princesses in the movies did, and climbed on the back seat. Hesitated for half a second, then started taking off the dress. Carlo helped me, very carefully and tenderly, then with the bra and the panties. Then he quickly sneaked out of his clothes, while I was putting my clothes and purse next to my head.

There I was, lying as a naked woman on my back on the seat. And there he was, coming into the car naked, holding his clothes. He indeed looked like a classic sculpture – the physically most perfect man I had ever seen.

I was going to get what I actually deserved…

Carlo put his clothes on the back of the passenger seat and tried to support himself on it. However, the seat suddenly slid forward. Carlo lost balance and almost fell over me, barely managing to stop himself with hands on the seat, on both sides of my head, knocking my purse down. I heard things rolling on the car floor – likely the contents of the purse came out of it.

“My apologies, Lexie! God, what an oaf I am! Just a sec…” He frantically switched the backseat light on. I looked there, too.

His clothes had fallen on the floor too, his wallet lying next to them, likely slipped out of a pocket. Next to it was my purse some of its contents around it. A small mirror, a box of make-up.

And, next to the wallet of Carlo, the remote of the bodysuit.

I felt the blood withdrawing from my face. Looked quickly to Carlo, to see him following my gaze, stopping on the remote. His mouth slightly opened. He quickly glanced back to me.

He knew what this remote is!

Carlo reached for it, but I beat him. Grabbed it and hid it behind my back.

“Don’t touch it! It’s mine!”

Carlo was looking at me, horror written on his face.

I was exposed.

I wouldn’t get what I deserved. Would get what I REALLY deserved.

Whatever. Debts must be paid. And the payment for this one could only be the truth.

“Yes. That is the remote for my bodysuit, it fell out of my purse… What you see is a bodysuit, not the real me… I am actually a man, my real name is Damiano… Used it to get a job, I was desperate to avoid being jailed for bills debts, and they would take only a woman… I made a mess and will pay for it… Do with me whatever you want – fuck me, beat me, I deserve it. Will not fight back, will not complain, will not blame you… You deserve the best girl ever, Carlo. And I am a fake… Unwilling one, at that… I don’t beg for forgiveness, I don’t deserve it…”

For some time Carlo was just looking at me. The horror had disappeared from his face, it was impossible to tell what he was thinking.

Finally, he said:

“You say it was in your purse?”

“Yes…”

“Look there.”

I grabbed the purse with my free hand. In there had still remained a menstrual pad, a hairbrush and… the remote!

But it was in my other hand! I quickly pulled it from behind my back…

There… there were two remotes!

At the first moment I couldn’t understand what were the sounds coming from Carlo. Then it came to me – he was laughing. With tears dropping on my belly. Some time passed before he could catch his breath, pull back and speak:

“Your remote is there. Could you please give me mine?”

I handed him the remote in my hand, dumbstruck.

“You also have a bodysuit?!…”

He had stopped laughing, but there was a smirk in his eyes. To my surprise, nice and warm.

“Honesty for honesty. My real name is Carla.”

* * *

Half an hour later we were sitting in the car, enjoying the Milan night panorama. I had told my story, Carlo – that is, Carla – was telling hers:

“… After turning 18, I left the orphanage with the dream to become world’s top geek. But nobody believed that an orphanage girl can be a competent IT… I worked an odd job for several months. Then managed to get an IT job, learned there a lot of stuff. Three months ago had to leave it, things there were going in a bad direction. I had some savings, came to Milan, rented a room, hoping to find a job. Total no go.”

“One day I went to a mall, the one near our office. Looked there for some IT problem to solve, prove myself, make a penny and maybe find a job. A sex shop in the basement, likely the same you told me about, had problems with their cash register. The mall technicians were busy with something else, the girl there was furious. Turned out, it was just a badly connecting cable. The girl had no money to pay me, I told her to not worry. We chatted a bit, I complained how nobody would hire me as an IT person because of being a girl. She didn’t have any connections to recommend me, but gave me this bodysuit instead.”

“Initially I was leery, wanted to be hired as myself, not to masquerade as a man. However, for almost two months I couldn’t find any chance for a job and my savings were melting. I saw the challenge from The Boss in a forum, found quickly a breaker for the encryption, but asked myself, what then? Researched him, found that he is over 70 – would likely never admit a girl can be a geek. Could give me the reward, but after some time it would melt too. Caved and put the bodysuit on…”

“So, you don’t really want to be a man?”

“It has some advantages, but I still don’t. Neither I am into girls, if you ask for that.” Carlo – that is, Carla – smiled.

“Then why…”

“Why did I hit on you? Well, I was really afraid that someone will expose me. If that happened, I would be lucky if The Boss only kicked me out, without having me arrested. So I bugged the desks at work and eavesdropped. Turned out, women often discussed behind my back if I am gay, for not having a girlfriend and not hitting on you. Even men did it a few times. And it was only a step from there to suspecting somehow the truth. You can’t imagine how good is Nicola Petruccio at parsing people, he looks simple, but is anything but… I did everything I could think of to behave as manly as possible, in the best possible way, to win some sympathy – this didn’t allayed the suspicions.”

“I had half of the reward, but in less than a year it would disappear, and I likely would still be out of a job. So, I just had to hit on you. You can’t imagine how sorry I was for that, what effort I put in being the perfect man for you, and how guilty I felt despite that. And the relief I am feeling now, knowing that you aren’t actually a girl whose heart I am going to break.”

“Trust me, I can imagine it perfectly well, I felt the same. I was absolutely desperate in that situation. Having sex as a woman with a man is on the very bottom of my wish list.”

“Then why did you come and…?”

“I was in a debt to you, for accepting and thus encouraging your advances. Felt guilty exactly like you. And real men always pay their debts. No matter what.”

Carlo… Carla… Well, my companion laughed again. Gosh, this bodysuit really messed up my thinking! It was outright impossible to think of him – that is, her – as a girl.

What was the chance that two users of bodysuits would hit one on another? Statistically speaking? Very, very close to none. Sure, bodysuits were so perfect that the two would be usually the only ones in their own league, everyone would expect them to go together, would direct them one to another. But still, what was the chance that they will find work in the same company?

“Wow. That is a conundrum… So you are not into men?”

“Not the tiniest bit.”

“I see… So, I get now why the sex shop girl disappeared. I wanted to call her and thank her after I got the job, but the mall website listed no sex shop anymore… These bodysuits might be a scary stuff.”

“it’s good that you didn’t go there and asked about her.”

“Indeed… Well, what we do now? I mean, tomorrow and on.”

“Hmmm… Umm, what about pretending to be together? It will take off any doubts from us. If we find an appropriate moment, we might even take down the damned disguise and try to work as ourselves.”

“Great idea… Aren’t you aggravated to pretend being a girl who has a boyfriend?”

“Aren’t you aggravated to pretend being a boyfriend of a girl?” I tried to turn that into a joke.

“Not at all. You men hate to be mistaken for women. For us, pretending to be men is not a big deal. And I have always been a bit tomboyish, orphanage is not a place for girly girls. I prefer being the real me, but the bodysuit has advantages too.”

“Well, I am already used to pretending being a girl. Can handle having a boyfriend on top of that. Especially when this boyfriend is actually a girl in a disguise…”

Carlo… Carla… hell with it, when wearing that bodysuit, I will think of her as Carlo! - laughed again.

“It’s far easier to me too to pretend being a boyfriend to a girl, if I know that she is actually a boy in disguise. You can’t imagine how embarrassing it was to ask a beautiful girl for a kiss. Not to mention how guilty I felt… Go get some sleep before tomorrow? And the day after that is Saturday, maybe meet without the bodysuits?”

“Sure. Why not come tomorrow after work to my place? If you are not afraid, that is.” I suddenly became a bit self-conscious. She could be scared by the perspective to take the bodysuit off in the presence of a man.

“Why not?” Carlo smiled. “Now, let’s go. We have a lot to process this evening, don’t we?”

I still couldn’t believe my luck. Maybe if my life was a book, its author wouldn’t deserve to be shot on the spot after all.

Maybe just hanging him would suffice. For everything I was through until now.

* * *

I was jubilant.

I was used to some men turning after me on the street, but now almost everyone did. I couldn’t stop jumping like a kid, despite the heels. Felt like I walked half a meter above the ground. Smiled to everyone. The sky was so blue, the air was so fresh, the world was so nice!

For a first time in months, I was going to work without the fear that my disguise can be noticed, that I can be exposed. Nobody would think that I am not really Lexie, after I even had a boyfriend! And on top of everything, “he” was actually a girl in disguise! What a gift that was! I still couldn’t believe my luck.

This was the first night for months already when I could sleep without being bothered by worries that they will expose me at work. The first weekday morning when I woke up with a smile, full with energy, ready to meet the world and enjoy it. Everything was sunny, nice and wonderful. I was brimming with happiness.

Even seeing the familiar sweet face in the mirror made me smile instead of raving about having again to pretend being a girl. My smile could melt a glacier! It would make everyone around me happier – why not be happy myself too?… I grabbed the blue dress, put it on, smiled at the mirror – God, I was beautiful! The white boots added sexiness to that. Then on a hunch I took them off and put on also sheer fine tights – the package I bought for The Boss’s birthday had three sets, I had used only one. And you know what? I looked absolutely great! Not only I would love to have such a girlfriend – I even loved looking like that! Words could not describe how happy I felt.

This feeling carried me all the way to work. I came out of the elevator whistling the happiest tune I remembered, congratulated Fabricia with a curtsy and entered the changing room with a smile up to my ears. Almost sang a “Good morning!” to every woman separately. There was no room to dance while I was putting the company uniform on, otherwise I would have done that too.

Women stopped doing anything for a few seconds, just watching me wide-eyed. Then at once started speaking, all in the same time:

“So he is as perfect in the bed too?”

“I told you, you would love it! How many times…?”

“L-l-lexie, you c-c-can imagine how h-happy I am f-for you!”

“Yes, you are really lucky. Keep him, and watch out to not allow him start drinking…”

“Why didn’t you come together?”

That last took me out of the happiness wave for a moment. But it was not a problem:

“Um, we both just had to go do this or that before work, at different places.”

The women continued:

“Remember I told you that you will love it? Was I right?”

“You were,” I replied. Well, not for that reason, but who cares?

“D-d-did it hurt m-much?”

What should have hurt?!… Oh!

“Not at all. Ummm, barely felt a bit of pain, and it stopped immediately…”

“Okay girls, let’s move to the Boudoir…” Mommy opened the door of the changing room. “Hi, Carlo!”

“Hi, Ms. Rodolfo. Hi, Grace. Hi, Lu. Hi, Vinnie… Hi, Lexie!” He smiled so sincerely that the happiness washed over me again.

“Hi, Carlo!” I curtsied towards him too, making him chuckle. I wondered for a moment how a woman, disguised as a man, would feel if a man, disguised as a woman, did a curtsy to her… Was Carla also as happy as me? Judging by her… his… whatever, by Carlo’s expression, she had to be happy too.

Probably as relieved as me, and for the same reason.

After we all entered The Boudoir, Mommy took two ten-Euro banknotes out of her wallet and gave them to Lu and Grace. Then smiled:

“You can’t imagine how glad I am that I lost. And so categorically.”

A second passed before it dawned on me what they had bet on. Then I smiled:

“Grace, did you also bet that I would be happy after the first night with Carlo? Being the pessimist you are?”

“Yes. To be honest, I didn’t believe it, but I hoped for it. You deserve it, Lexie. You both are unique. I don’t think I will ever see another couple like you.”

I decided to not insist that Carlo and me are a very ordinary couple. Grace was right. Especially about not seeing another couple like us.

Statistically speaking…

I don’t remember much from the work after that. I did more mistakes than usual and often caught myself daydreaming, basking in the happiness that my so hopelessly tangled situation had resolved so nicely. Couple of times I caught the women exchanging meaningful glances. Okay, let them think whatever they want. If that makes them happy too…

“Time for a break. Want to check what men would discuss? Bet that they wouldn’t even have noticed what happened this night.” Lu smiled.

“I am more concerned whether Carlo will not change, now he has wooed Lexie into having sex with him. There are such men,” Grace said.

“He will not!” I jumped. We actually didn’t had sex, so there was no reason to expect Carlo to change. Especially if he was actually Carla, and had shown that he… she is conscious about how a girl feels. Well, I was not a girl, but still…

“Easy, easy. We all see you are in love, but it is still wise to check,” Mommy told me. “Exactly because of that. It is after sex when men show their true face. If he is still the decent man we know, never let him go.”

What if she was right? Even despite that her idea what happened was dead wrong? Could it be that Carla was actually a nasty person? Or that pretending to be a man came to her head a bit too much?

Lu was already assembling her eavesdropping device. Before I could count to five, we heard the voice of Nicola Petruccio:

“Yeah, I see that both of you are really happy. But Carlo… I want to warn you. You would not be the man Lexie deserves, if you will be anything less than perfect to her. If so, better leave her now. But if you plan to be what you have proven to be with her so far, keep her for a life. You will never find another girl like her.”

“I want to say the same.” That was Filippo’s voice. “Be her dream, she deserves that. Because if you become her nightmare instead, you will not fare well.” There was a hint of coldness in his voice that I had never heard before.

“Every girl deserves the best,” Carlo replied calmly. “But you are right, Lexie deserves it more than any other. She is unique, more than you can imagine. I am absolutely sure that I will never find another girl like her. And will do my best to keep her happy.”

“Good to hear,” Filippo rumbled.

“And true, I think,” Petruccio added. “Remember, Carlo attacked two dangerous hoods to protect her. And sent both a hair away from the graveyard.”

I proudly smiled. The other women – that is, the women – nodded to me.

“Not only the perfect lover, but also the perfect defender,” Mommy said. “Truly the perfect man.”

That evaluation was surprisingly true, I thought. When Carlo, that is Carla, attacked those two hoods, she didn’t know that I was not really a girl. She maybe knew that the bodysuit would protect her from being badly hurt. But still, she could simply walk away and instead didn’t hesitate to fight for me. She was as brave as the bravest men I had seen…

And she deserved to think that it was her who took them down. Before, I would only shrug and say to myself, “who can guess what a woman would think?”. Now however, I knew that women are not so different from men. That they also like to achieve and be strong. That they are burdened with having to look beautiful, attractive and weak – but once you take that need away, for example by them masquerading as men, they like many things men like too.

Well, they still liked being beautiful. No man would like that.

Or, wouldn’t some? I had seen plenty of guys who loved looking fancy. Spent ages in gyms not because they really needed physical strength – just for the appearance. Wore clothes almost as weird and non-functional as those of the women. Bought cars, trinkets, anything just to make impression…

And… Wait, didn’t I enjoyed this morning being beautiful?

But no, I enjoyed Lexie being beautiful, not me, right?

But she is me and nobody else. I am Lexie.

Well, I am actually Damiano. She is not real, right?

Well, she was real, at least legally…

Oh, hell with it! Lexie is actually a mask. A costume, like on Halloween… okay, I never wore a costume for Halloween, but it is still a kind of that, right? People enjoy wearing a costume for Halloween! Why shouldn’t I enjoy being Lexie? That is, masquerading as Lexie? There is nothing unnatural in that, right?

So when I am Damiano, I am Damiano, I don’t have a shred of doubt in that. When I am Lexie, I am Lexie and can enjoy being beautiful. It is okay, it is just a part of the masquerade. Whoever doesn’t get it must be as dumb as a pumpkin! It is time for me to stop being scared of shadows!