“Time for a lunch, girls!” said Mommy two days later. “Are you coming, Lexie?”

“Of course.” I was already hungry. And the only one here besides Mommy – the other three women were today at the annual health check.

“Great. Let’s go… Carlo, please hold the elevator!”

“Of course, Mrs. Rodolfo.”

While going down, I was wondering what to do. Or to not do. Talk to Carlo? Not talk? Chat with Mommy in front of him?…

The moment the elevator touched the ground floor, Mommy suddenly spoke:

“Oh, I forgot something!”

“We will wait for you, Mrs. Rodolfo.”

“Do not wait, Carlo, I will need some time… Have a good appetite!”

Of course, she had to leave us have a lunch together! These women…

Just after we took a turn around the corner of the building, I heard the voice of Luigi the driver:

“Hey ya, Carlo! Could ya help me?”

I looked in the direction of the voice. The door to the parking inside the building was opened. Through it, I could see the driver crouched next to the car that serviced three companies, including ours.

“Yes…?”

“Name’s Luigi.” The driver was short, squat, broad-shouldered man about sixty, with a strong tan and a big smile. “Ya ask me, a car’s fixed if ya fix it yerself. Hold da wrench here while I loosen the McPherson… No like that! Grab at the end… Hold tight! Nevah held a wrench?”

“No…”

“Wha’ ninnies ya kids are. An’ computah geeks the most. No offense but… Wow. That girl there yours?” Luigi tried to quiet his voice, without much of effect.

“A colleague of mine.” Carlo lowered his voice too.

“Ya go for her?”

“Well, she is out of my league. But…”

“Why don’t ya say it?… Great! Thanks, you did perfect!” The last words were said loudly. So that I hear them.

“But…” Carlo continued to try and speak quietly.

“Shhh!” Luigi also lowered his voice. “No worry, I’ll fix it.” Then loudly again: “Boy, ya’re real master mechanic! First time and got it perfect, ya’re talent! If yer boss sends ya off, they’re idiot, ya’re never gonna be outa job.” He lowered his voice again. “Go for her! An’ mind it, a woman’s a like a deer, the more ya feed her, the more she comes.”

I barely managed not to laugh. One of my colleagues in the university was a Sicilian and I had heard this proverb from him. The more you give to a woman, the more she wants. If only Luigi knew how wrong that was about me!

“Ya need the car for her, it’s yours, just tell me,” said Luigi in what he believed to be a quiet voice again. “Go get her now, let everyone envy ya, she’s a prize.”

“Much more than that. A girl like no one else.”

“Yeah, I see. Ya in love. Get her!” Then, loudly: “Thanks, Carlo! Glad to see a real man!”

How different was the support between men from that between women. Women wouldn’t help one of them to find and woo a man, but little else. Men helped one another at everything, unconditionally. I couldn’t blame Carlo for not being an experienced mechanic, in his place I would likely do even worse. He absolutely deserved this support – but I envied him for it.

Being a man was so much easier in that too. And I sure as hell didn’t want to lose it.

But what I had to do with Carlo? He definitely was in love with me. And I couldn’t give him what a real woman could, even if I wanted to be one. And I didn’t want it…

Was it already a time to risk dropping the disguise? Or even to just run away? I had already paid the utilities debts, but had next to no savings yet. And without those, I would be again in a desperate situation soon…

Maybe I should wait some more. And hope that the situation is somehow resolved. After all, I had lived already three months as a girl at work. Surely could handle a month or two more…

“These command macros don’t come easily to me,” Mommy complained. “How about you, girls?”

“I fail to grasp them too,” said Lu. “Looks like only Lexie gets them really well.”

“I guess Carlo gets them too,” Grace objected.

“Well, they come straight out of computer programming. I just happen to have that kind of knowledge already… But wouldn’t be able to understand their application in statistics without the explanations of Lexie. She is really good at it.”

“Is t-t-there anything she is n-not good at?” Vinnie beamed a smile.

“I haven’t seen such a thing yet. Lexie, thanks to you I feel already able to help with simpler tasks. Would you permit me to invite you to a dinner, as a gratitude?”

“Um… ummm… ummmmmm… you don’t need to do that. I am just helping my colleagues, it is perfectly normal… It is not just that you take me to luxury restaurants on your account… I, ummm…”

I was horrified. This was the third strike. I had no doubts what will follow. What everyone expects to follow. What has to follow. And I had not a shred of an idea how to avoid it. Or even postpone it.

“True men do that, dear” Mommy smiled to me. And I didn’t need even a drop of social aptness to hear the unsaid “No woman would refuse that.”

And the “Are you really one?” if I refused it.

“Ummm… I… I…” I suddenly realized what I feared most about being exposed. It was not the loss of income – it was the shame from having masqueraded as a girl.

“Don’t worry, Carlo, she is just very shy and modest. Give her some time” Lu smiled to him. He smiled too, nodded back and headed to the door. While opening it, he turned to me:

“My offer stands, Lexie. Whenever you want. You deserve everything good. Don’t hesitate to take the little I can offer.”

The moment he closed the door, all the women started talking to me at the same time:

“Don’t you dare to freak out! You will never find another one like him!”

“He is the men’s man, the dream of every girl!”

“G-go for him! He is the p-p-perfect man!”

“Yes, he is the only man in your league I have seen. Do not miss him.”

Is there anything I could do to avoid that?!

“But… but…”

“No buts! This is the chance of your life!”

“And do yield this time. Trust me, sex is not bad, and with Carlo it will be a heaven!”

Having sex as a woman, with a man! God, what have I come to! The more I tried to not blush with shame, the more I did.

“And there is no need to be shy about that! Most girls your age have experimented with things that make ME blush!”

“And don’t worry. It might hurt a bit in the first moment, but then will feel absolutely great.”

“Yes, he appears to have a good package.”

What?! Grace has checked Carlo… down there?

“I get the same impression.” That was Lu.

“Me too. I might not be young anymore, but Carlo looks just great there.”

Vinnie only giggled, but it was apparent that she thinks the same… and likely from personal observations too.

The situation I dreaded had come.

Could I postpone that invitation? For a couple of days – maybe. For a week – likely no. The women would immediately suspect something. No normal girl would avoid Carlo, they were right. And I would have to disappear from Montafun Statistics.

And I couldn’t afford that yet. The job market was even more desperate than three months ago. When I couldn’t find a job for years.

Not even counting that I might have to be through the worst shame in my life…

What if I remained there? It would not be really possible to avoid having sex with Carlo, the women were right. And frankly, he deserved to be with a beautiful girl. If there was a man who deserved the best of everything, that was him. Decent and tactful like I couldn’t even imagine. If a girl refused him, I too would consider her a heartless bitch. Didn’t wanted to be one myself.

But also, didn’t want to have sex as a woman, with a man. I just couldn’t force myself to it. I had forced myself to appear like a beautiful girl, to wear dresses, tights, heels, even make-up on the birthday of The Boss… But that was too much for me. There was some core in me that wouldn’t bulge. I didn’t even know why, but couldn’t force myself to it.

I could neither refuse it, nor do it. What a damned situation.

And don’t tell me that mountaineers don’t fear challenges, but overcome them. I feared this challenge more than anything. Or maybe didn’t fear it, but still didn’t want it.

For a moment I wished with all of my heart to really be a girl. Just to not be afraid by physical closeness with Carlo. Yes, I was ready to trade away my being a man…

Actually, what if I just did it? He wouldn’t actually penetrate me, I did not really have a vagina, to start with. I still had no clue where the vagina of the bodysuit actually is, but it couldn’t be inside me, no matter how it felt. He actually wouldn’t even touch me; all he could touch was the bodysuit. He couldn’t even kiss me; all he could kiss was the bodysuit.

And, frankly, the kissing was bearable. Not sexually pleasing, but somehow felt acceptable. Like… like if I really was kinda sorta girl when in the bodysuit. Like if, while having this appearance, it was somehow okay to be kissed by a man. Even if it didn’t feel as good as while kissing a girl.

Could I come out as a lesbian? The women would start watching me like hawks, and would surely notice very soon that I am not really a woman at all. In addition, I would ruin the feelings of Carlo too, and by all gods that might be, he didn’t deserve that, though I had no idea how to avoid it. And finally, I might be hit on by some lesbian girl, and ruin her feelings too. A perfect recipe to multiply the problems instead of solving them…

Better a horrible end than a horror without end. Whatever that end is.

I sighed deeply.

“I… I will accept the Carlo’s invitation…”

The women immediately exploded in jubilation. However, little of what they said could penetrate the storm of thoughts and fears in my head.

“Finally accepting the reality! Lexie, even you—”

“Take a pack of condoms, just for the case. Ribbed ones are a great choice—”

“Don’t even think of anything but the sexiest underwear—”

“No skirts for a third date! A dress, the burgundy one—”

“Black tights would look great on you—”

“Nonsense! No tights, men consider them an obstacle—”

“Drink a little, but not too much—”

When the whirlwind in my mind finally thinned out a bit, I found myself standing in the middle of the room, and all women staring silently at me.

“… What?”

“When you are going to?”

I silently sighed again.

“Today.”

Half past eight. In fifteen minutes, Carlo would be in the building parking, in Luigi’s car. Waiting for me.

It was too late to freak out. I shouldn’t have told him to come this evening.

What if I just told him the truth? Show him the remote and everything. He was much stronger than me, but the bodysuit would protect me from being really badly beaten. And frankly, I deserved to be.

At worst, he might take the remote away from me, maybe even break it. Frankly, I deserved that too.

What if I just went with the flow, had sex with him and so on? This would give me some months, to save some money and then disappear. Maybe even something would happen during this time, to separate us without me breaking his heart. Such things happen, right?

But sex with a man… I still couldn’t force myself to accept it, despite knowing I owed it to Carlo. Just at the thought of it I felt urge to scream. Or to break things. Or to cry… Maybe all at the same time.

I knew that it would feel great. Better than sex without the bodysuit. And maybe exactly that was what scared me most of all.

Together with the inhuman perfectness of being Lexie. Having an appearance that could make the others see my attempts to being somewhat decent man as being the perfect woman.

Add to that the one-in-the-entire-world Carlo. The perfect man in everything – great-looking, handsome, tactful, brave, decent, having an excellent salary in hard times. Next to whom one could want to be a woman.

Everything in me screamed with fear. I didn’t want to stop being a man. To stop being myself. For a first time I understood so well – I was absolutely male, maybe not the best man ever, but couldn’t even think of living as a woman. Maybe even death was preferable to that.

But it was my decision to wear this impossibly perfect female appearance. And I had given Carlo every reason to think that he can fall in love with me. That is, with my disguise. This was a debt that could be paid in only one way. And real men always pay their debts. Even at the cost of their life. Uncle Franco had shown this to me.

On, that irony – my only way to be a real man was to be a woman that will be fucked by a man…

Five minutes left.

Barely not screaming with horror, I went to the bathroom and looked at the mirror. The face I knew so well stared back at me, beautiful despite looking as disturbed as one can ever be. Hair sticking in all directions – that was easy, one shake of the head and it fell as neat as if I had dedicated an hour to combing. Daily bra, one of its straps came down from my shoulder – I had to change it for the sexier one I bought just two hours ago. The panties too. The burgundy dress – no way, it was too short. Better take the blue, it was just above the knee.

Or maybe the burgundy one? Carlo deserved it.

Still, maybe the blue one? I would feel more comfortable in it. After deciding to suffer THAT, I deserved a tiny bit of comfort…

A girl that couldn’t choose how to dress for her date was looking at me from the mirror. And was already late… I quickly started dressing.

Yes, I would get this evening what I deserved. To the last bit. No matter how much I wanted to be a man. No matter that I valued and treasured it more than anyone who hasn’t masqueraded as a woman. I didn’t really deserve to be a man anymore.

A tactful and nice man as Carlo was actually much better than what I was really good for. Even as Lexie. For all I had done, I deserved to be a prostitute or a sex slave. Or to be in a male prison with the bodysuit on. Whatever happened to me this evening would be just a small part of what I had well earned.

I took a last glance in the mirror, sighed, put on the best smile I could manage and went to the door.