Part 9

“Lexie, what about going to shop for clothes after work?” Lu asked me a week later, while we were returning from the lunch break.

“I am sorry, but, umm, will have no time. Will be, ummm, going to see my parents for the weekend, have to catch the train early…” I deliberately looked at the men who worked on a street lamp we were passing under, trying to hide the blushing. One of them looked back and whistled. What a pig! Only the presence of the other women – that is, the women – from the company stopped me from going to the lamp and kicking the ladder he was perched on.

“Oh, poor you… Don’t pay attention to these, they thrive on it. Unless they are the type of man that you want as a husband.” Lu giggled.

If she only could imagine just how much I didn’t want a husband at all…

“Is that Carlo there?” the voice of Mommy startled me. "Got that thing he convinced The Boss to buy, I guess. What did he call it?”

“P-protected file storage, I think,” Vinnie replied.

“The box looks to me big enough for a fridge,” Grace noted. “Probably an armored one, judging by the casing.”

“G-got to be armored. I overheard him t-talking with The Boss about it. Said it is fireproof, waterproof, t-tamper proof and other things.”

“And it looks like the guys who delivered it refused to carry it to the elevator,” stated Mommy.

Before I could say anything, Tony came out of the building. Carlo asked him something. We arrived just in time to hear the answer:

“Sorry Carlo, not my job. No one pays me to haul things.”

Carlo sighed, bent over the box, closed his fingers around two of the handles and lifted it with a grunt. Judging by his posture, it weighed way more than him – obviously his muscles were not just an appearance. I instinctively jumped, grabbed the other side of the box and supported it. Carlo looked at me with astonishment. Wasn’t the first one to be amazed by how much I could lift and carry, I smugly thought.

“Lexie… what are you doing?!” exclaimed Mommy next to me. “You will break every bone—”

Shit! Think quickly!

“I won’t. Remember, I am raised by mountain rescuers? On a steep mountain trail I can carry a big man,” I smiled despite the effort. The box indeed was way heavier than a man. “And I know how to carry heavy stuff without harming myself.”

The women were watching me with expressions that were hard to describe. The face of Tony had no expression at all, but his mouth was slightly opened.

“This is no work for a girl! Leave it to the men!” exclaimed Lu.

“Sorry, there are no men other than Carlo here!” replied I with all the venom I could put in my voice. The face of Tony paled, he turned and almost ran away. “Ladies, could you please hold the door of the elevator?”

Vinnie instantly did it. Without paying any attention to the protests of Carlo, I helped him to carry the box inside it and put it down. There was no room for anyone else, the women remained to wait for the next turn. When we arrived on the twelfth floor, I tried to grab the box again, but Carlo categorically stopped me:

“There is no need for help here. The floor is polished marble, I can easily slide the box over it. And please, don’t do that anymore! It’s hard to believe how strong you are, but still, carrying so heavy a thing is a job for men.”

“You have something against emancipation?” I decided to turn everything into a joke. “Or against the women power?”

“Please don’t!” There was desperation in his eyes.

I was about to continue with the jokes, but suddenly understood him. After all, I also would not allow a sweet girl to lift and carry so heavy a thing, and would feel humiliated as a man if she did it anyway. I detested him for robbing me of the opportunity to throw away the damned bodysuit, but that was my problem. He was a nice guy who didn’t deserved to be humiliated.

I nodded and went to my room. Half a minute later, the door opened and the women rushed in, flustered and worried:

“Are you okay?”

“Of course. Why should I not be?”

“T-the p-packaging said it weighs 115 k-kilograms! Lexie, you are m-m-mad!”

“Umm, actually Carlo was carrying all of it. He had already lifted it when I joined, remember? I only helped direct the box, to not catch on something. Didn’t actually carried any of it… Pretended to, just to spite Tony”. I smiled rancorously.

The women giggled. Except Grace, who looked at me with disapproval in her eyes. Would she stop hating me finally! It wasn’t my fault that I am more beautiful than her!

Or actually it was. The damned bodysuit… It was the women who deserved to be beautiful. Even ones like Grace. If I didn’t need that job, I would instantly throw away this bodysuit. It robbed not only me from being a man. It robbed also Grace from feeling like a woman.

And probably the other women too – they just didn’t show it so openly. Being much more polite than men.

Maybe also much better than most men… Looked like pretending to be a woman teaches you a lot of things.

Including how to be a true man…

“—built like a T-shirt model. I bet he lifts weights every day,” Lu was saying.

“Sure. Gays are often like this,” Grace spat.

“G-gays?! What makes you t-think that he is gay?” asked Vinnie.

“Second week already here, and still hasn’t shown any interest, even towards Lexie.”

“Are you sure?!” the brows of Mommy jumped up. “Yes, that’s strange, but he doesn’t look gay to me. They move in a way… you know… not like real men. All women groups on the Net say so. He moves like a rugby player or a boxer, these are men’s men.”

Aaaaargh! Do the women have anything to discuss other than men?! How could they be better than men in some aspects, and at the same time so empty-headed?!…

… But weren’t the men the same – rarely discussing anything other than women? Well, cars and like, but so many men use these just to impress women…

“Looks like he has the effect of a real man. Judging by how high in the clouds Lexie floats…” smiled Lu.

I jumped up, my face burning:

“I don’t! I wasn’t thinking of him at all! Absolutely not! He is… He is, umm, not my type!”

The explosion of laughter was so strong that Fabricia carefully opened the door of the room. Looked around, smiled, nodded to me and closed it.

“No need to deny it, kiddo,” noted Mommy, trying to dab her tears with a paper towel without smearing her makeup. “You think you are the only one here who feels like this around him, with these muscles and face of a movie hero? We are women too, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“But I really wasn’t thinking of him! It’s not what you think! I am not attracted to him, really!”

“Sure,” smiled Lu. “You jumped so quickly to help him carry that tank just because of your training as a mountain rescuer, right?”

My attempt to confirm it was lost in the new burst of laughter. I felt my face burning with shame like a fire.

“Hey, I am NOT into him! Actually, I couldn’t be less attracted to him! I… I… I, um, told you that he is not my type!”

“We all know what this brings a little later,” smiled Grace. Kindly, to my surprise. The other women started giggling again.

“Come on, girl,” Mommy said. “He is the best catch I have seen in years. Good looking, hardworking, decent, trustworthy, humble, nice – statistically speaking, you probably won’t meet another like him in your life. Go for him!”

“But…” Okay, Mommy and Lu were married, but what about Grace? Sure, she was about fifteen years older, but I had heard about such couples… And…

“Vinnie, wouldn’t you go for him, if he is so good a… catch?”

She just blinked sadly.

“N-no way, Lexie. He is too far out of my league. Won’t even notice u-ugly and limp girl like me. You are the only one here who is h-his match… And he surely already n-n-noticed you. M-men value highly women who try to help them.”

“But—”

“He is yours. G-go for him.”

“But I don’t want to go for him!”

“You don’t need to. Just signal to him that you are available, and he will go for you.” Mommy smiled.

What happened to her fears that I might do that?! And… How I could convince them that this is the very last thing I want?

“That’s what she did,” noted Grace. “And if he hasn’t picked up on it, then he is sure as hell gay. Or even worse.”

I wanted to scream in her face that I hadn’t done anything of the sort. Then, however, imagined what I would feel if a beautiful girl suddenly tries to help me with carrying something heavy. Even I could understand that this would probably be showing way more sympathy than “just helping”.

What that damned bodysuit had gotten me into?! Giving to a most ordinary action a meaning that I never intended. Never suspected that it might have.

Actually, I had gotten myself there. By not understanding the position all women are into. Despite seeing it every day, despite actually knowing it – just not caring to think about it… How easy and straightforward was the life of the men, compared to theirs! Looked like being a man was a privilege indeed. That goth girl might have had some point.

And it looked like the bodysuit was also a blessing in disguise. Apart from the pun, it had helped me to learn so much about women. And about men, too. Things that most people probably learned in an early age, living among other kids, communicating with them, growing up. Unlike me, growing in the mountain among the tough rescuers, with no other kids around. I had missed so many life lessons.

And the disguise had given me a chance to learn them.

* * *

“Hello, dear! I live here. Everybody calls me Aunt Lauretta… You be living at this boy’s, Damiano Rossi?”

God how much I didn’t need to meet her right now! Tired, returning from work, hoping to kick aside the damned heels and skirt… But that had to happen already, Aunt Lauretta would never miss such an occasion. It was strange that it didn’t happen earlier.

“Umm, yes, he rents the apartment to me. During the workdays, that is. He works in the mountain and lives there, returns for the weekends only. And during that time I go to see my parents, so we actually don’t meet…”

“Really? What a pity. Good boy, if a bit shy and… how did you the young say it? Nerdy? They say he was a very good student, it’s shame that he couldn’t find a job until recently. But please, sweetie, come in! My place is modest, I’m just a poor old woman, but one can still learn a thing or two from me!”

I didn’t doubt this at all.

“Are you afraid of me, kid? Don’t be, I just am glad to have a word or two with the young. It is so lonely being old. Please come, I make great tea!” She limped a stride back, supporting herself with a hand on the wall.

I was about to think of some excuse, but her toothless smile suddenly was… well, the same one I knew, but also different. I could literally feel her loneliness, her need for communication and connection to people. In an eyeblink she had turned from the old hag and gossip I knew and despised to a lonely and sad old woman. Who just tried to be accepted, to meet human warmth.

Like a lonely climber stranded up there, in need of support…

“Oh, thank you very much, Aunt Lauretta! I love tea!”

“It is my pleasure, dear. And you are?”

“Alexandra Manzoni, but call me… oh well, Lexie.”

Her apartment was even smaller than mine. A narrow passage opened into a tiny kitchen. On the one side there were two doors, for a bathroom and a living room. Judging by how close they were, and how little space there was for them between the kitchen and the staircase, they had to be minuscule too. The wallpapers were yellowed, but everything smelled somehow… homey. Like a small but nice old house in the villages around the mountain.

The kitchen was modest and old-fashioned, but perfectly clean. The tea was also excellent, I’m a coffee drinker, but it was really good.

Half an hour later, I had already invented an entire history for me. That is, for Lexie. Weaving in the lies I had already told at work – shame… Birthplace away in Africa while my mother held a job there, grown up with a father who is a mountain rescuer. Studying statistics. Meeting myself – that is, Damiano – while seeking for a place to rent, through a professor of mine who knew him. Trusting him after hearing that he is a mountain rescuer too. Making the arrangement to share an apartment. Finding a job, tipped by him…

“How’s that you didn’t go for a job as a model? With your looks, you could become world-famous.”

“Ummm, that would probably be at the cost of selling my body to a lot of people. You surely know how modeling is.” If I was to believe the women at work.

“So what? Tell me of a woman who broke through in another way.”

“What?!” Oh no! Not another SJW, and Aunt Lauretta at that!

“Dear, I know that you the young believe it should be different. However, that’s what it is. Ever seen an ugly woman in a high position?”

I opened my mouth, only to close it. Yes, there were plenty of high-positioned women who weren’t beautiful… but almost all of them looked like they were pretty when they were young. I felt a wave of shame sweeping over me.

“Sweetie, I am sorry for embarrassing you… Okay, let it be your way. Your beauty deserves better than being abused by lecherous men.”

I could just nod.

“So, what do you think of Damiano then? He is a decent and nice boy. A good choice to spend your life with… Didn’t he offer you something? Take you to a restaurant, at least?”

Aaaarrgh! Do women ever think of anything else?

“No, no, he didn’t!… That is, he couldn’t… He was penniless before finding that job, it looks to me. And since then, we haven’t met in person even once. Conflicting schedules, you know…”

“Don’t underestimate him, he might look short, but I think he’s a bit taller than you. And short guys often have good packages. Doesn’t he?”

My face instantly felt like a fire.

“Um… I…” Say that he does, that is I, do? Good idea! But… that would hint that I, that is Lexie… “I don’t know! Have no idea, never seen him undressed…”

“Okay dear, okay. I will not pester you anymore about him.” The understanding smile of Aunt Lauretta was a clear indication what she was thinking. Tomorrow the entire condo would know that I am having an affair with Damiano! And that I am having an affair with Lexie!

That I am having an affair with myself!!!

“Ummm, Aunt Lauretta, I, ummmm, I actually have a boyfriend. He is a colleague at work. Nice guy, a sportsman, very strong physically. I don’t know what might happen to Damiano if he decides that I have an affair with him, so—”

“That is the way it should be, dear. A smart girl would keep them apart and clueless. Having twice the pleasure and the support deserves some inventiveness, doesn’t it?… Okay dear, okay, I will not thread this topic anymore. I see you are shy and modest, a girl should be that. At least before the others…” She got up from the chair with an effort, turned her back to be and started rummaging in an old leather purse.

What was she thinking?! I wasn’t that kind of girl! That is, I wasn’t a girl at all! And even if I was, I wouldn’t be that kind of!… I was boiling on the inside.

“Now, will you be so kind as to help an old woman? My legs aren’t good lately. Could you please buy for me some products from the Aldi at the corner? Here is the list and the money. Keep the charge, if there is any.”

I was about to explode. This… this old hag! How dared she, after everything she told me!…

… This old woman. Who cared for a girl she was seeing for a first time – the way she could. Who wanted for her the best – the best she knew and understood.

Who tried to deal with the loneliness in the only way she knew.

And who needed help – and I had never even thought that she might…

Some man I was. Fancying myself a Great Rescuer, while not seeing someone who needs to be rescued right next to me…

“Of course, Aunt Lauretta. Right now.”

On the stairs I unfolded the shopping list. It was short – half a kilogram of flour, half a kilogram of sugar, an economy pack of salt, a pack of bread, a pack of pasta, a tube of margarine. All of them the cheapest of the kind – I knew it very well, also shopped there before finding the job, it was the cheapest low-cost store around. No meat in the list. No sweets. Nothing to drink – no coffee, not even tea… I remembered that I haven’t seen anything new in her home. She probably survived on a minimal pension, and most of that likely went on medicines. Couldn’t afford even a set of dentures…

In the shop I checked the prices of the products in the list. The total cost was about two Euro short of the bill that she had given me. No doubt she had calculated it in advance – she probably bought these enough times to know their prices well. And had taken something off the list, so there will be some change left. A sum that now was nothing for me – but for her would be a lot…

Half an hour later, I rang her doorbell. She opened the door:

“Thank you so much, dear! You are the only one around who… Huh? What is all that there in?”

“Your groceries, Aunt Lauretta.”

She opened the bag. In there was several times the amount she had requested of everything. The best quality they had. Plus, a can of real butter, four types of soft cheese, a big chocolate, several boxes of fine tea and a bottle of wine that the shop personnel recommended.

“But that costs tens of times more! Wait a bit, I will give you the money—”

“You told me that I can keep the difference. So, I will keep it. You owe me nothing… I mean it. I will not take the money.”

She looked at the bag for a long time, then stared at me with eyes full with tears.

“God bless you, kid. You… you… God bless you… Why? I am just an old woman. The gossip of the block, they say… You don’t have to…”

“Take it, Aunt Lauretta. You deserve it.”

I felt tears in my eyes too.