Part 7

I spent the evening watching all kinds of movies for women – rom-coms, teenage musicals etc. Most of the time on fast-forward. Learned a lot of names for female clothes – had heard some of these before, but never cared to know what they mean. Also, marked in a file what types of clothes and what colors go together, and what doesn’t. At least in these movies. Would observe the young women on the street and in the subway tomorrow to confirm what I noticed. I shouldn’t allow anyone in the company discover that I am a man…

The next morning, I managed to not put shaving cream on my face. And didn’t look at the mirror before I was fully dressed, to avoid the arousal. I had learned from the movies – and remembered that Sandra also did it – that women change clothes every day, sometimes more than once per day. Why, given that their work was usually not sweaty, was beyond me. However, I changed the blouse. Considered also the running shoes, but in the movies these usually went with sporting clothes. Well, it had to be Oxfords again.

At work, there was some data that had to be manually processed. Just after lunch, I again excused myself to the restroom and tried to eavesdrop on the women. Nothing about me, apart from a mention by Mommy that I need some encouragement. Didn’t get about what, or why.

About mid-afternoon my desk chimed – the script had finished processing the regions. I forwarded the results to Mommy. Fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on the door and The Boss entered. Going straight to me.

“May I see your script, Lexie?”

“Sure. Here it is… How did you know that I have written one?”

“These data cannot be processed manually in less than two days. And on the interview you demonstrated knowledge on a level that hinted on good scripting skills too.” He looked at me above his gold-rimmed glasses. “I didn’t write a script for these data exactly to see if you would and how good it will be… Not bad for someone without work experience… Better move the column descriptions into a separate file and just include it here, you might have many scripts processing these data in different ways, and on a format change you only need to modify one file… Best tabulate the command subs a bit further in, thus you get half-tabs for continued rows, the script becomes more readable… PSPP does regression a bit faster if you sort in the beginning the data by the first three columns, it’s useful in a time crunch… Best include in the column and value labels the names of the genes, the results get more readable, Mr. Petruccio will be happy with this… Okay, four suggestions are enough for a time.” He looked at me above his glasses again. “Good job.”

A praise from Sergio Montafun himself, on the second day of my job! You just don’t get more than that! I was flying somewhere in the clouds.

“Will you be willing to show the other girls some scripting? They have been too overloaded with manual work to have the time to write scripts. Your coming might free them a bit of time for that.”

“Of course, Bo… Mr. Montafun!” I suddenly wanted to dig myself in a hole and die there. He however only smiled.

“I see that the bad influence in your group continues, Ms. Rodolfo. Please take measures, or I will make Lexie your boss.”

“You think she will eradicate it?” Mommy smiled too. The other women giggled.

The Boss smiled wider, waved a hand dismissively and exited the room.

“Lexie, for all of us, I want to deeply and sincerely thank you!” Mommy said turning to me. “Finally, a woman teaches The Boss that we can be as skilled as men!”

The other women started clapping hands. A woman, sure…

“Didn’t he know that?” I hoped that my voice will not betray what I was thinking about women's skills.

“He is an old school” Lu sighed. “A devoted husband, a model gentleman, but perceives us only as… well, women. He can never see that we can be as good as men in everything. Well, could not until today.”

The bitterness in her voice startled me. Whatever the truth, Lu really believed that. However, she just couldn’t be right. Oh, those always oppressed women!

“If you didn’t convince him, how could I?”

“Appearance matters, dear. If you grew up among men only, and used all the time in the university to study only, you might have not noticed it, but it is so, trust me.”

I blinked and looked away – straight into the eyes of Grace.

“It’s all easy when you can compete for Miss Universe” she almost snapped. “Try being almost forty and plain, you will learn that on the spot.”

She mouthed silently a “Princess!” after that, earning a stern look by Mommy. The older woman sighed and looked straight into my eyes:

“You look to men like a wet dream even in simple jeans, without any makeup or jewelry, showing no interest in them and having the mannerisms of a male mountain rescuer. Would look to them this way in a burlap sack and covered with dirt. And they accept as equals only women that appear out of their league. That is why The Boss could accept it from you, and not from us.”

I wanted to say something, but couldn’t. Lu has been so right. In the mountain, I never cared to learn to communicate with women as an equal. I was one of their guides, not one of their group. In the university, I almost never was with the other students, trying to drown the grief for Uncle Franko by studying day and night. I had become the best student in the statistics course, but missed the chance to learn to live among ordinary people and understand them.

And more. It suddenly dawned on me why none of the women had learned – or in the case of Mommy, simply remembered – the statistical scripting while working here, despite the need for it. And why the team that did the analysis, the work that requires skills and knowledge, was men-only, while the ones that did the data processing, the menial work, were all women. They indeed were considered inferior, even by a demigod like Sergio Montafun. Maybe without him even realizing it – like I hadn’t realized until now how many problems the women meet.

And by me too, in an even nastier and more stupid way…

Just a few days ago, I believed that I am a man of integrity. Raised by embodiments of honor and strength, the best of the best, to be like them. Turned out, I was actually full of prejudices.

And, thinking of what I did and was ready to do in order to avoid the prison, full of cowardice too… Would I be ever able to be what I aspired to?

While looking like a sweet girl, at that?… It sounded like a hell.

But maybe it was a kind of purgatory instead – nasty and humiliating, but I should probably be grateful instead of hating it. Like I initially hated the grueling rock-climbing lessons of Uncle Franco, but they had saved my life so many times…

“Speaking of that, we indeed will benefit from learning some scripting,” Mommy interrupted the silence. “What do you say, girls?”

Vinnie and Lu nodded enthusiastically, their eyes lit. Even Grace smiled. Then suddenly looked at the clock above the door, grabbed her purse, said goodbye and almost ran out. Again, fifteen minutes early. And again, was twenty minutes late in the morning, too…

Did she had some “special privileges”? Was all that make-up and the deep neck cut to that goal? In movies, it was usually like this. Judging by them, it was best to be careful around her. If the lover of a boss feels bad about another worker – a female – then that worker was a goner. I would have to be gold and diamonds here to pass for tin and copper. And to never allow even the tiniest hint that I’m male. If Grace notices or learns about it…

“It would be an honor for me to help with that. Ms Ro… um, Mommy, please set time for that as you see fit.” I blushed again. On top of all, will I ever learn to communicate, for anything’s sake?! Even when I was telling the truth? They deserved so much to be taught everything I knew.

“Okay, tomorrow we might have an hour for that. And Lexie, that blouse you had yesterday, I think it will go just great with the black skirt. Wanna come some day in them?” Mommy smiled. “Don’t be afraid, Filippo will not harass you anymore. Actually, judging by what we saw yesterday at leaving, he will be ready to kill anyone who just looks to you in an improper way.”

“Ummm, I… I will, of course. If you think that it, um, suits me…”

“Trust me, it does.”

“Thank you.” Damn!

Looked like I had to quickly learn what means “to signal availability”. In order to avoid doing it.

And maybe to whine internally a little less. To invest that effort in becoming a little better.

* * *

The next day wasn’t easier, but I was determined to not whine anymore. I’m a mountaineer, after all! Came to work dressed as I had promised to Mommy – including tights and heels, no girl in a skirt on the street wore Oxfords or running shoes, or went without tights. Maybe because of the cool weather, though I didn’t believe that the tights can warm up at all. I didn’t flinched even when it turned out that my uniforms were ready and delivered at the office – one skirt or another…

Using the changing room for a first time, I was surprised how the women looked while changing clothes. I had expected something like the movies, or even the magazines. Instead, they looked… plain. Even old, somehow – not ancient grandmothers, but somehow worn out. Nothing that would be worth sneaking somehow in and watching them. It looked to me like they used their clothes to hide their imperfections, rather than their femininity. Not staring at them proved surprisingly easy. After all, I could stare at… well, the mirror, as much as I wanted.

I noticed the envy they looked at me with, and felt guilty. They would love to be young and beautiful girls, needed it to not be considered inferior everywhere, and couldn’t have it. I had it and hated it instead of valuing it; didn’t deserved it. Which was no problem to me, I didn’t want it – but they, they wanted and deserved it. And I felt guilty for their plight.

Could that German GmbH spring again somehow, offer its product again? I would only love if all women around were so beautiful… But that was unlikely. Not only the secret services who developed this type of bodysuit would hate to see it everywhere. Governments, too – I could kill someone as Alexandra in plain sight, then dispose secretly of the bodysuit and nobody would suspect me. Or, maybe the suit could mimic anyone else’s appearance – there were plenty of movies about someone being replaced with an evil lookalike… The potential for bad usage was huge. Maybe we just couldn’t allow such a technology to exist.

But its potential for good was huge, too. Empowerment and happiness for women was only the start. So many people die in accidents that this bodysuit can protect from. So many things can become possible… Maybe still it was worth introducing it quietly, giving us time to find ways to counter the evil uses, to increase the good ones, to teach the people what they need to know…

“Wow, you are a total knockout!”

It took me a second to notice that Lu was speaking to me.

“Um…”

“Blue goes so well with your skin tone! Let me see you from a distance…” She pulled back as much as the narrow changing room would allow. “You look incredible in the uniform!”

The other two women nodded simultaneously.

“Lexie, could you give us a strut?” asked Mommy.

“Ummm, I… I…”

“Imagine you are a model; this is the catwalk and you are modeling the newest dress of DiGeorgio. Go for it, girl!… Come on, an entire hall of rich men is watching you! Take the walk!”

I clenched my teeth and tried to walk through the room as I had seen fashion models on TV news.

“Don’t put on that snow queen face!” Lu reprimanded me kindly. “Models should signal a bit of availability, dear. That is what attracts the men. Smile sweetly! More widely, you have beautiful teeth, show them!… Have you never pretended to be a model on a catwalk, just for the pleasure of it?”

“Ummmmm… I have couple of times, but…” I felt my cheeks burning.

“You see? No need to be embarrassed about it, dear, every girl does! Even I, at my age!… Swing a bit that cute backside, that will instantly have all men watching you and wanting you!”

“Ummm, I am not sure that—”

“Yes, you are right, they would watch you and want you even without that, you are an incredible beauty, but this will attract them even stronger! The more men chase you, the better husband you can choose among them! Don’t you want the best husband in the world?”

I barely stopped myself from screaming whether I want a husband, how do I feel about swinging my ass, and how much pleasure I find in modeling a skirt suit. Or a dress before a hall full of men.

“Now, that is better… You are born for skirts, Lexie. Why don’t you wear them more often?”

“If I was a man, I would be chasing you day and night” added Mommy. I guessed that she was just making a compliment to a cute girl, but it smacked of truth. If there was such a beauty around me, I would definitely do it. And the thought that this probably is going to happen to me instead… I was still doing my best to smile and strut, but Petit Dru’s southern wall started appearing to me so hospitable and inviting…

Luckily, the time for starting work had already passed, and the catwalk had to stop. I had to grudgingly admit to myself that the uniform was actually convenient to wear, despite the skirt. The old tailor obviously knew his trade well.

The feeling of guilt however didn’t subside, fueled in part by the embarrassment from, in short, being Lexie… Well, I could at least help the women in the company get a part of what they deserve. Teach them scripting. Support them when they need it. Maybe even Grace, despite that she didn’t deserve it.

And, first of all, learn to understand them. To be one of them. Of course, not in the sense of being a woman! Just… being a part of a social group. Becoming socially and emotionally smarter. Looked like women taught those skills better than men. During these three days in a female company, I had learned more about them than for all of my life before.

* * *

Mommy appeared eager to bring the scripting in – the first two hours this day were dedicated to it. I was surprised how eagerly the women studied it, and that they were indeed promising… After that, she decided that we need a fifteen-minutes break. Lu looked at us and winked:

“Men make their break about now. Wanna listen what they discuss?” She took the stethoscope out of the drawer, prepared it quickly and put it against the wall.

“—a street fighter? She uses her fists well, Filippo will testify. Or a spellcaster, more likely? Looks good at this too.” This was the voice of Tony. I swear I could hear the smirk in it. And barely constrained myself from going there and using my fists to their best.

“Some kind of rogue, definitely. Or maybe a damsel in distress, with that shyness.” Gab replied. “Would make an excellent character with her appearance.”

“Would you like her for a companion in a game?” Tony continued. “Companion with benefits?”

“Nah. She is not really a human, can’t you see it? Everyone says she is the perfect woman, and there ain’t no perfect real people, right? What you see must be just a disguise, and she should be something else under it.”

Shit! Who would believe that Gab would be so observational! I felt the blood draining from my face. However, the women around all started giggling.

“Don’t be angry, Lexie, this is actually a compliment,” quietly said Lu. “Kind of like when men whistle at you.”

“I wish they’d keep these compliments to themselves!” I snapped.

“Really, Gab?” continued Tony. “Could you tell me more about that? I would love to be enlightened about it. What is she actually, an alien under that disguise?”

“Could be. Coming here to study us. Pretending she grew in some remote place, to hide that she knows little about humans… Or maybe a spy from somewhere far away, like China, using a secret technology to masquerade as a beautiful girl. That is how she knocked down Filippo with a single hit, she must actually be male under that disguise…”

Lu was laughing so hard that she barely managed to hold the stethoscope against the wall. Vinnie was giggling uncontrollably and brushing tears from her cheeks, delicately. Mommy was trying to keep composure, but couldn’t stop chuckling. Even Grace’s smile looked genuine. It took me a couple of seconds to understand that the laugh is not directed at me.

“This time Gab outdid himself,” managed Lu through the gasps.

“Gab is like this,” nodded Mommy to me. “Nice and kind-hearted person, but doesn’t march to the same tune as most people. Having no personal life, only computer gaming, does such things to men’s heads. Good and punctual worker, but a little bit crazy… Don’t worry, he won’t act on it. Just don’t pay attention to his theories, he has a new one every day…”

Ahhh, the relief…

“Umm… Strange guy,” I managed.

“You should have seen a month ago him explaining that Luigi the driver is actually a… what it was, Vinnie, a Dark Elf in hiding? And when he came here for a first time, he put a piece of incense on his desk, to see how The Boss will react on it. To check if he is an angel, or a… was it nephilim? These satanic warriors from the game he was into then.”

“Luckily we haven’t had someone from the Middle East here,” Grace noted. “Gab would probably try to check if they fit in a bottle.” Everybody around laughed.

A sound of door opening and closing came from the speakers.

“How goes the work, boys?” The voice of Nicola.

“Almost ready. Did you convince that lady from Rome City Planning to use our statistics?”

“Yep. Filippo came up with an excellent explanation about the difference between the AI and the human statistics. How the AIs can give you everything you want, but if you aren’t a statistician, you wouldn’t know what is the best and the most reliable for you specifically, to want exactly this. And AIs will not sit down with you, ask you questions and clarify it. Convinced her on the spot.”

“I don’t doubt it, Mr. Casanova has that effect on women. Wait a week, and Lexie will—”

“Tony, would you shut up!”

“Hey, I’m not saying anything bad! You are offended because—”

“Tony, Filippo, break! We’ve got tons of work, and you are bickering instead!”

The other… that is, the women in the room continued laughing even after Lu put the stethoscope back in the drawer.

“So, Lexie, you are actually a masquerade for a man. I wouldn’t be able to come up with that if my life depended on it,” Lu managed through the laugh.

“Yeah… Let’s do some work.” Mommy had returned to her usual no-nonsense composure. “Lexie, could you please add to your script a cross-correlation for six of the genes? Here is the list.”

“Sure. Do you want to try it together? It’s easy, you can copy-paste the command from up there and modify it…”

After returning from lunch, I couldn’t concentrate on the work. Did the men ever discuss since I came here anything other than me? That is, Lexie? I mean, Alexandra… oh well, Lexie stuck already. It’s not really me, after all… Probably not. If I worked in a room with several other guys, and there was such a hot girl in the next room, there would hardly be another topic. What a discomfort it was to know that an entire room of men discusses most of the time nothing else but you. Seeing you as… I didn’t want to even think about it. Luckily the women didn’t know that.

Or… what if they did? I guess a real Lexie would be rabid about it… But it looked like they took some things as compliments, or at least tried to… Who the hell can guess what a woman would think?

And I had to. Any mistake of mine could unmask me. Fabricia was just a hair away from seeing through my disguise. Gab had even guessed it, but luckily for me, even he would not take himself seriously. And I didn’t want to lose this job so quickly. Not only because of the income – I had started to like it and my new colleagues, despite that disguise from hell… No matter how impolite and shameful it was, it might be a good idea to try and eavesdrop to the women again. I had the nasty feeling that they would discuss me too.

I excused myself to the restroom, put the old bottle to the wall and put my ear to its opening.

“— have no idea,” Mommy was speaking. “Never noticed her checking men.”

“Might be.” That was Grace. “I also never noticed her showing even a slightest interest in men. Total ice queen. And I’m not sure, but think she was checking Lu for a moment yesterday.”

Was Grace also incredibly observational like Fabricia? She, of all here? Damn…

Or were actually all women? Or most of them? Is it me who has to learn a lot at that?

“Oh, come on. I’m married, and far below her league anyway. Why she would check me, even if she is L? You just don’t like her.”

What the hell did she mean, “L”?!… Lesbian?! Ugh. They are moving closer…

“I don’t, but she is really strange anyway. Total lack of social clues. Looks like she never met other people than the mountain rescuers. A Mowgli.”

“Mowgli? Like in that old Disney movie, with all the animals?”

“There is also a book, Vinnie, the movie was based on it. And it is not only about the cute animals.” Grace sighed. “I’m no Gab, but to me she is hard to believe, too. An incredible beauty that is such a tomboy. Doesn’t even use a deodorant. At least they obviously taught her proper hygiene—”

“Not strange at all. Imagine how the rescuers that raised her felt around her, and how protective they were. Homeschooled her, remember? If my daughter was such a beauty, I would be scared to death every time she is out of the house. Hell, I’m scared for Lexie too. Maybe it was a mistake to encourage her to wear skirts.”

“As if she looks less attractive in jeans. Beauty like hers is impossible to hide. Hope she knows how to avoid trouble.”

Grace being worried for me?! I couldn’t believe it.

“Well, we will teach her to be a girl,” Mommy stated. “A bit more encouragement, and she will learn to enjoy feeling beautiful. A skirt today, a dress tomorrow – I don’t know if she even has dresses, the poor kid! We should probably take her shopping for clothes…”

Oh, joy…

“Maybe some lessons on make-up too,” added Lu. “Not that she needs it, but what if she has to go on some official event?”

“Maybe invite her to a salon too?” That was Vinnie. “There is a nice place several blocks from here, they do a great manicure, and are also good at hairstyling…”

I quickly put the bottle down and hurried back to the room, before they could get more ideas on how to girlify me. As if today’s catwalking in a skirt was not enough. Actually, as if what I was seeing in the mirror was not already way beyond enough…

Well, I had a hope. The gender balance of the company was currently even, counting me as female. If we hired one more woman, I could drop the disguise and be hired as myself without breaking the idiotic EU rules.