Telling one’s parents about the big change in lifestyle. Will it go well?

Evan O’Neal stood in front of his parents wearing his dress and heels. They were still as wide-eyed as they were when he first arrived and the door opened. He was padded, coiffed and made up very well.

“Yes, Miss? Can I help you?” his mother had said to the nicely dressed woman at the door.

“It’s me, Evan.”

That’s when her jaw dropped.

“No! No, that’s impossible!” She exclaimed loudly, looking stricken. “What have you done to yourself?”

“Actually I haven’t done anything at all to myself,” he said, a bit nervously.

“But, then…” she sputtered, “why are you dressed like that?”

Politely he asked, “Do you mind if I come in?” not really wanting to have the conversation where anyone passing by could hear.

She stood aside, staring at him as he walked elegantly past, into the living room. His father was sitting on the couch reading the paper, and glanced up.

“Who’s this?” he asked his wife, who had trailed Evan in, and sat down next to him.

“It’s our son,” she said, in a tone that implied nothing positive.

He looked Evan up and down and an expression of distaste spread across his face.

“What the hell do you think you’re up to, boy?”

Ignoring the unpleasant tone, Evan took a breath. “What I think I’m up to is introducing you to the new me. This is how I’m going to look now.”

“Are you nuts? You’re not a woman.”

“I was aware of that, Dad. But I enjoy looking like one; it makes me feel good.”

Both parents were frowning and shaking their heads.

“Evan, I don’t even know where to start. This is wrong on so many levels.” He glanced at Evan’s mother and read her displeasure. “Your mother and I deeply disapprove of this.”

She nodded agreement.

Evan stared at them for a moment. “So… that’s it? You just take one look at me, express disapproval and you’re done?”

“What else do you expect? This is unnatural, perverted. What will people say?”

“Dad, Mom, I’m not doing this for other people; I’m doing it for myself. There’s nothing perverted about it! I like looking and acting like a woman. And what I expected was for my parents to love me no matter what!”

“It’s WRONG!” his father barked. “There’s something wrong with YOU!”

Involuntarily a tear welled up in each of Evan’s eyes. He looked sadly at his parents as the tears made their way down his cheeks, turned around and slowly left the house. Growing up it had always felt much worse when his father yelled at his children than if he had just gone ahead and hit them.

-o0o-

Deciding to present as a woman was not a decision made lightly. He’d agonized about it for a couple years. When he would dress up he’d always feel so much better, and happier, and when he started going out dressed his interactions always seemed far more positive than as his male self. He’d gone full time only a few weeks ago, when he started his new job.

On the way to his parents’ house Evan knew there were just two ways this could go. He knew the negative reaction was the more likely of the two, but he very much wanted his parents to understand his feelings, and he was tired of hiding this part of himself from them. And, as they were Liberal-minded, he was under the impression that they were also at least somewhat open-minded. It wasn’t that he craved his parents’ approval, but it sure would have been nice. Announcing this over the phone seemed like a terrible idea, so showing them in person seemed like the best way, even though he realized it would be a shock. So now he knew exactly how they felt. He had been rejected, and for what? Because of how other people might take this? There was no understanding talk or even concern from them—something like, “Are you sure you want to do this? Won’t people make trouble for you?” Nothing like that. Just outright rejection.

-o0o-

Back at the O’Neal house Jack and Naomi hadn’t moved from the couch. They were still somewhat stunned. As much as Naomi did disapprove of this turn in her son’s life, she still felt a little bad when she saw the tears spill down his cheeks. He had always been a sensitive boy.

“What the hell is wrong with him? Why would he want to do that?” Jack finally asked, still a bit irritated, but also very confused.

“I’m sorry, dear, but I really have no idea. I thought he was happy enough as a boy.”

“Well now that he knows how we feel maybe he’ll come to his senses,” Jack said, with some finality, and went back to reading the paper.

Naomi was a bit stunned that he could put the episode aside so quickly. Shouldn’t they discuss this further? Find out where they had gone wrong with Evan? Think about what to do to help him get this ridiculous idea out of his head? But she knew Jack compartmentalized everything, and this was off his so-called table for the time being.

-o0o-

Evan didn’t contact his parents after that. It was too bad they couldn’t accept his choice for himself. Really, until that day he had thought they loved him unconditionally, but this was a rude awakening. When he saw his parents’ names on his Caller ID he let those go to voicemail and didn’t listen to them. They didn’t realize how much they had hurt him.

On the bright side, presenting himself this way was going very well. Everyone at his new job treated him like any other woman there, and even seemed to like him. He was going by the name Faith, because she had faith she could live this life successfully. Other than the problem with her parents, she felt happier than she had in years. What she would ultimately do about them she didn’t know. She didn’t actually want to be estranged from them.

-o0o-

One evening about a week after the confrontation at the O’Neal house, Faith’s phone rang, and it was her younger sister, Grace. She was in her last year of college and they hadn’t spoken in quite a while. Growing up they didn’t have much to do with each other.

“Hey, Grace.”

“Evan, the folks told me a very odd story about you.”

This didn’t seem like a promising beginning for a pleasant conversation.

“Oh? What’d they say?”

“Um, that you showed up at the house in a dress?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Uh, that’s just not right. Why would you do that?”

“Because I like dresses and am now presenting as a woman.” Maybe Grace could still be reached…

“I dunno. It sounds kind of creepy.”

“Creepy? Why? Is it creepy when you wear pants?”

“That’s not the same and you know it!” she snapped.

Faith didn’t really expect Grace’s support, but not her disapproval either. Changing her attitude to one of confrontation, she asked, “So, Grace, were you commissioned to call me and tell me what an insane, perverted person I am?” She felt her anger rising.

“No, they didn’t ask me. I decided to find out for myself if what they were talking about could possibly be true.”

“Well, it is. I am presenting as a woman now, and I had hoped they and you would give me some kind of understanding. Instead they instantly rejected me, as if I were a leper or a criminal.”

“We—um, I am not instantly rejecting you, but I wish you’d reconsider.”

“Reconsider?? You mean… so that you could be more comfortable, and not have to worry about people knowing about your sicko brother? What about me? What about my comfort with looking like who I want to be? Does anyone care about THAT!?”

Grace was taken aback at the anger and pain in his voice. He was practically shouting.

“Do you think I’m doing this for kicks? Or to be kinky or something? I’m doing it because I’m happier this way and have finally started to enjoy my life. And if you and your parents can’t give me the freedom to do what I need to do to be happy, then I don’t need any of you!” And she ended the call. She was surprised to find herself crying, realizing that now she was estranged from her whole family. It really hurt.

-o0o-

Grace was stunned at the vehemence Evan gave to that last part. As she sat there thinking she realized he was right—none of them had probably given his happiness or feelings one shred of consideration. She also hadn’t realized how unhappy he must have been before he started this. They had never had much in common growing up, in spite of only being two years apart. She started to feel very sad about the situation. She didn’t want to lose her brother—or sister, as the case may be. She decided not to call back right away to apologize because he was probably still upset.

An hour later, hoping he had calmed down, she did call back, and it went right to voicemail. “Evan? Listen, I’m really sorry. You were right. I doubt any of us considered your feelings, which is just not acceptable. Please call me back.”

But when Faith saw who the message was from she deleted it without listening. She didn’t want to get upset again, and was tired of being hurt by the people she once thought loved her.

A couple days went by, and Grace left two more messages, but was starting to think they were being ignored. How could she get through to Evan? She called her mother and recounted to her the conversation she had had with him, and how none of them seemed to care about his happiness. Her mother was unhappy he was ignoring them, but wasn’t convinced that what Grace had told her was a valid reason for them to approve what he was doing.

“What, are you saying that you think he needs to ‘man up?’” Grace asked.

“Well, yes, basically. We all have to do things we don’t necessarily want to do. Why should he be any different?”

“I don’t know, mom. I think there should be a difference between doing some…task, or something we don’t necessarily want to do, and how we present ourselves to the world. It seems there is a difference of scale here. Besides, I had no idea he was so unhappy before.”

“Well, I admit I didn’t know that either.”

“But none of us asked about that. We just told him he shouldn’t do what he’s doing, without much discussion, or any consideration about his motivations and feelings. It’s hard to blame him for ignoring us.”

Naomi had to agree with that, and was sorry she hadn’t reached out while Evan was still there at the house.

-o0o-

Faith decided to branch out in her activities a bit, and through a work friend she learned about and joined a spiritual path she liked the sound of. There was a very big emphasis on love, especially a detached sort of love for all life forms, recognizing that God is the animating spark in everyone. Then, warm love for those near and dear to you. Striving not to indulge in anger was a big one, and harder to do, but it really was a choice to get mad or not. To know that everything was in its rightful place and time, no matter what it seemed to look like. Practicing all this was a big help in losing her outrage and sorrow at the rejection from her parents and sister. It took a while but right from the beginning the whole thing just clicked with her, and she worked hard at developing the correct attitude. It had to be practiced every day; there was no coasting. This made her a more serene person, and the people she interacted with started to be drawn to her. Some said there was a very peaceful aura about her.

-o0o-

A few months later Grace graduated and came home. The first thing on her mind was go to find her brother or sister and apologize. Faith was still ignoring all messages from her and the parents. When Naomi, who had come around, more or less, to Grace’s way of thinking, suggested she go with her, she thought about it, but asked that she visit alone, first, and see how things went.

The second evening she was home she drove to Evan’s last-known address and looked at the names on the apartment mailboxes. There was only one O’Neal, but the first initial was an F. Was this Evan? Well, she could always apologize if it was the wrong person. She pressed the buzzer.

“Yes, who is it?”

She didn’t recognize the voice, but replied, “It’s Grace.”

“What do you want?”

“I’d like to come up and see you.”

There was a pregnant pause, with Grace imagining the worst, and then, after what seemed like too long the loud buzz of the door unlocking. Grace pulled it open and went to the second floor, found the door and knocked. The woman who opened the door—and it really did appear to be a woman—totally surprised her. She wasn’t beautiful by any means, but there was a sort of aura of happiness about her that made her very attractive. She looked nothing like Evan. Grace’s eyes widened at the sight.

“Wow! You look… fabulous! But, um, what’s your name? I saw the ‘F’ on the mailbox.”

“It’s Faith. Please come in,” she said. Indicating a chair, she said, “have a seat.” She was pleased Grace had asked her name instead of calling her Evan.

Once they were seated, no one said anything, with Grace just marveling at this woman, who seemed so settled and content and feminine, so very unlike her brother. He’d always seemed nervous and not that happy.

Faith regarded her sister and asked, “To what do I owe this visit?”

“I wanted to see you and apologize. You were totally right about us not thinking of your happiness or motivations. And I also wanted to meet my sister. I can see this suits you.”

Faith looked down for a moment, then said, “Thanks.”

“So, have you had, like, surgery?”

“No, I was never unhappy with my male equipment, more with my appearance and how I was perceived.”

“Okay. I don’t exactly understand, but I don’t really need to. I just want you to know I accept you.”

Faith nodded. She wondered if there was a “but” coming.

“I spoke to mom about you after you and I talked, and she feels the same way I do. Dad is finding it a lot harder to understand.”

Faith nodded again. “That doesn’t really surprise me. He’s pretty stubborn. It doesn’t matter though, because I don’t need his approval.”

Grace digested that, wondering what it would mean. Instead of asking, she changed the subject.

“So…Faith…can you tell me what led up to this lifestyle change?”

Faith tilted her head, considering what she wanted to say. “To put it simply, I just never felt happy as a boy, and I gravitated towards girls. I wanted to look like them and act like them. So I just started doing it, and I haven’t regretted it.”

“Gee, that is simply put! I guess you decided just changing your, uh, presentation, was the best solution?”

“Yes, I did. I’m much happier this way. You can call me gender fluid if you want.”

“And no one has given you grief about it, out in the world?”

“Except for the parents, no. I’m very fortunate to be able to pass well. I have friends for the first time, people at work like me. Things are going well.”

“I’m glad for you, Faith. I know we didn’t have much to do with each other growing up, but I never hated you or wished you ill.”

“No, nor I you. We just didn’t seem to have much in common.”

“Do you think you’ll ever come to the house again?”

“Well, I haven’t been invited. Oh! That may not be true, since I haven’t listened to any of their messages. If I do go over there Dad’s going to have to learn to call me Faith, her and she, and be civil to me, and I’m just not sure he would be able or willing to do that. If he can’t or won’t, I won’t be mad; I’ll just leave. I try and avoid such negative attitudes.”

Grace leaned forward. “Faith, I’d really like to get to know you. You seem so…content. I hope Dad can control himself. If not we can meet elsewhere, if you’re willing.” She was still a little in awe of how serene her sister appeared. Getting to know her would probably be like getting to know an entirely different person than Evan.

Faith smiled. “That might be nice.”

Her smile made Grace smile too.

-o0o-

When Grace got back home she sat in the kitchen with her mother and filled her in on the visit. “Her name is Faith. She looks so wonderful, mom. And she seems so calm and peaceful. It was good to meet her.”

“Did, um, she tell you why she decided to do this?”

“She just said she was unhappy as a boy, and that since she started this she’s made friends, and people at work like her. You know she and I never had much to do with each other growing up, so I had no idea what her life was like. Whatever it was, it must be much better now.”

Naomi thought about that. Sad to hear he was so unhappy and she hadn’t known it. “Did she, um, have…surgery?” She shuddered inwardly at the thought of her son doing that to himself.

“No, she said she wasn’t unhappy with her anatomy.”

“I’m confused, Grace. I thought men who did this always got their genitals cut off.”

“Well, not her, and I told her I don’t need to understand that part. I just told her I accepted her.”

“You did well, Grace. Will she ever come home again?”

“She told me that if she did, dad would have to treat her right, call her Faith, her and she, that she wouldn’t be mad if he didn’t, because she could walk right out.”

“Oh dear. He’s so stubborn…”

“We’ll work on him together, mom,” Grace smiled. “Faith is really something.”

-o0o-

In the ensuing weeks Grace came to visit again, this time with her mother. Naomi wanted to know why Grace was so taken with her sister. After all, she hadn’t seemed all that special in their one, unhappy meeting. But as soon as they were let in to Faith’s apartment she changed her opinion. She could see what Grace meant about her serenity. And in subsequent visits she did come to appreciate Faith. She could see she was much happier than Evan had ever been, and she truly made a nice woman. She made Naomi proud, and Naomi told her so.

Jack was still the fly in the ointment though. Grace and Naomi did corner him and tell him they wanted Faith to visit, and that they didn’t want him to spoil things for them. He was to be civil, and was to call her Faith, and use female pronouns. It went against his grain, but eventually they wore him down and he did promise to abide by these rules.

Naomi called Faith and told her about Jack’s promise. Faith didn’t much trust her father to suppress his natural reactions, but she agreed to pay a visit.

When she arrived, her sister met her at the door and gave her a hug. She walked in and hugged her mother. The three women exchanged greetings and a bit of small talk. When she turned to her father he just couldn’t help but snark, “I can’t believe you’re still perpetuating this charade, Evan. You’re a real disappointment as a son.”

As Naomi and Grace started to scowl, ready to yell at him, Faith gave him a beautiful smile and said, “I’m sorry if you find my presence offensive. But it’s good to learn just how much your promise is worth. Goodbye. Goodbye Mom, Grace.” She calmly walked out the door.

Naomi and Grace both had their mouths open and were looking daggers at Jack.

“Well! She’s certainly right about your word meaning nothing! You promised to behave! She wasn’t here five minutes before you broke your word.”

Jack was trying not to show it, but he was shaken by Faith’s last statement. He had always prided himself on keeping his word, and here he broke it with his own son—or, daughter, maybe, with hardly a thought. And so fast… He admitted to himself that Evan looked pretty good, all done up that way, even if it was just wrong. He also had to admit he was surprised when Evan didn’t blow up at him, rise to the bait, or argue. He just gave him that sweet smile and walked out.

Meanwhile, Naomi was talking at him.

“So Jack, are you happy now? Does it make you feel proud that not only did you break your word, you showed your own child such a juvenile, unloving and bigoted attitude? And that rather than subject herself to such an attitude she’d rather leave her own family home? I don’t know… this does not sit well with me,” she said, glaring at him. “I would like to have a relationship with her, and for her to feel welcome here in our house.”

Jack’s natural instinct would have been to fight back, but he knew his wife had made excellent points, and that he really didn’t have a leg to stand on. As the seconds ticked by he felt more embarrassed by his unkind words. He said nothing, as Naomi stood there, waiting for some kind of response.

“Grace, please call your sister and find out if she’d be willing to meet you and me somewhere for dinner.”

“Sure, mom.”

After a quick conversation Grace said, “She said yes, and suggested that new place, Horatios, at 6:30.”

“That’s fine. Jack, you had better think long and hard about how important this negative attitude of yours is to you. Is it worth your marriage?”

As Jack still said nothing, Naomi gave him a disappointed look, turned to Grace and said, “Let’s go, honey.” The two of them gathered their things and left the house.

By now Jack actually did want to say he was sorry, but admitting he was wrong had always been very difficult for him. In his mind he was trying to put the whole situation into some kind of perspective that would allow him to condone it. Was it really so terrible if his son wished to be his daughter? Yes, it went against what he was raised with about men and women sticking to the sex they were born as. But this was the twenty first century. Anything goes, and all that jazz. Evan certainly looked good enough to get away with it. Naomi said he was happier. As a good father he should be happy for him—er, her. This was not worth being estranged from his wife and Grace. In this case, in order to apologize he’d probably need a grand gesture, something more than just, say, dramatically showing up at the restaurant to apologize. Was there something Faith needed that he could get her? How could he show he truly regretted what he’d said?

-o0o-

Jack ate his microwaved dinner alone in the kitchen while mulling over the whole situation. Nothing better than a simple, heartfelt apology occurred to him. When he was finished eating he grabbed a book and drove over to Faith’s apartment to wait for her to get home. Along the way he practiced using her name and female pronouns for her. It seemed like it would take a while to get used to doing that. He parked and then sat in his car reading and waiting as it darkened up outside.

After an hour and a half he saw Faith pull up. Due to many cars on the street she had to park about three hundred feet away, and as she walked toward her door a tall, rough-looking lout came toward her, stopping her. Jack couldn’t hear what was said, but he saw the man start to attack her. No matter how she was dressed, that was his kid being harmed. He jumped out of his car, grabbing the hardcover book, ran over and managed to hit the guy in the back of the head with the book, hard enough to knock him out. He crumpled. Faith stood there in shock.

“Faith, are you okay?”

“Oh my god!! Dad??? I, I, I think I’m okay,” she said, hardly noticing that he had called her Faith. “Wha– what are you doing here?”

“I came over to apologize to you. There was no excuse for breaking my word and treating you that way. I am truly sorry for that.” He surprised himself with just how easy that had been to say.

She looked at him searchingly. She didn’t realize that she was starting to cry until she noticed she was shaking. Jack’s natural paternal instincts kicked in and he held her.

Eventually, she pulled herself together and he released her. Then he called the cops to report the assault.

While they waited Jack asked, “Are you going to want to press charges?”

“Well, of course I am.”

“Faith, I’m not trying to be mean, but I want to remind you of your legal identity. Do you want that made part of the public record?”

Her shoulders sagged in defeat. She loved her life as Faith, but she hadn’t yet gotten her legal identification, and she wasn’t quite ready to have her life broadcast.

By the time the cops arrived the thug was just starting to stir. Faith and her father told the cops what had happened. She told them she didn’t want any publicity, and that she was kind of hoping the guy had priors so she wouldn’t have to press charges. Once they ran his name through the computer they did discover there were multiple complaints against him, as well as an outstanding warrant. They took him away and Faith and Jack slowly walked into her apartment. Having this shared experience made them feel closer to each other.

“I shouldn’t have to refrain from reporting a jerk like that just because of how I’m dressed,” she complained.

“There are evidently some ways this new lifestyle can be more… complicated than it used to be,” Jack said. “At least they have him for that outstanding warrant, and you weren’t really hurt, were you?”

“No, I might have a bruise or two, but thanks to you it wasn’t any worse.”

He smiled. “I’m glad I did come over here to see you. Now could you try and show me that serene young woman I’ve heard so much about?”

Faith was able to work up a smile for that, and she did a bit of deep breathing and could feel some of her new attitude seeping back into her. After she was calm and centered again, Jack brought up a new subject.

“Do you want your mother and sister to know you were attacked?”

She had to think about that. It would very much disturb them, but her father’s heroic actions had really made the difference. She decided to tell them.

“Yes, they should know how you came through for me.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long, honey,” Jack said, bemusedly noting how naturally the endearment now came to him.

She smiled at him. “Dad, would you like something to drink?”

“Um, sure. Coffee?”

“I’ll be right back,” she said, disappearing into her kitchen.

Jack looked at her move, with a sense of affectionate detachment. ‘She really is a woman,’ he mused. He now found himself unable to think of her as Evan in any way. She was just so unlike his son. Then another thought occurred to him. ‘I have two daughters…’ and for some reason he wasn’t even aware of, the thought made him smile.

Faith came out with the coffee and handed it to him. Just then her phone rang.

“Hi Mom.

“Oh, don’t worry, he’s right here with me at my place. Let me give him the phone.” She handed it over.

“Hello? Yes I am. I came over here to apologize, and it turned out I was in time to prevent an attack on Faith.”

Faith could hear excited sounds from the phone.

“No, she’s not hurt. The guy started to rough her up, but didn’t get a chance to do anything worse before I ran over and knocked him out with a book— Yes, a real book. You couldn’t do that with a Kindle!

“Yes, she has settled down and is feeling better. Okay dear, I’ll see you soon.”

He finished his coffee and got up to leave. Faith stood up, hugged him and kissed his cheek. It felt normal and right to him.

“You sure you’re okay, Faith?

“Yes, thanks, Dad. My nerves have calmed down. Thanks for saving me.”

“Hey, I only have one oldest daughter,” he smiled, and stepped out the door. “And it’s my job as your father to protect you when I can.”

Faith closed the door and smiled to herself. Things were working out well, after all. Both her parents had come around, she had escaped an attack…life was going well, indeed. Tomorrow she would look into what was necessary to get her name changed!

The End