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Editor Note: The images used for this story were purchased and used under royalty-free license* from iStockphoto.com . ~Sephrena
Author Note: Please email me at AngelJediGirl (at) gmail (dot) com before posting this story to any other site. Posting to a pay site is prohibited.

Comments and suggestions are also welcome at the above email address.

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Sarah Carerra Book 3: Concerto in A-

Chapter 3.23 - The Death of Insanity

Walking around the school's halls on Tuesday was a much better experience. Most of the students left me alone because they knew that the backstage passes had been handed out. The few who kept pestering me for a pass were annoying, but easily ignored. Eventually they realized that I wasn't handing out any more passes, and finally they began to leave me alone.

In fact, school was actually fairly calm despite the fact that I would be performing a concert here in two days’ time. There were posters of Sarah all over the walls, and there was a buzz among the students, but for the most part it was a normal day.

At least, until my last class of the afternoon. Chorus had been the one class that I hated to attend. Every single day I worried about someone finding out my secret. Every day I worried that I would have to do something I didn't want to do.

Mr. Benson was excited again as I entered the room, which put me on edge immediately. When he was buzzing like this it usually meant bad things for me. I wished that I could just drop the class from my schedule. It would make my life much easier if I did.

After marking down attendance for the day Mr. Benson turned my life upside down. He did the one thing that he agreed he wouldn't do in this class.

"I'm adding another song to our Halloween performance," Mr. Benson announced. Dread filled me immediately. "If we are going to be performing with Sarah for Christmas it would be beneficial for us to learn some of her songs."

I was stunned! I shot daggers at Mr. Benson with my eyes as I felt my breathing deepen, my face heated up, and I did my best to hold back my anger. Sarah's songs were off limits for this class as long as I was a chorus member! We had agreed on that fact. But now he was changing that agreement, and I was NOT okay with what he was doing! He purposely avoided my gaze as he described the addition to our performance. He wanted the chorus to sing 'You Can't Hurt Me' for the school, and while I agreed it could be adapted easily, I wanted nothing to do with the performance!

"Can I talk to you in private for a moment?" I asked Mr. Benson when he paused his explanation.

"Not right now, Megan," he said, stirring the embers of my ire. "We have a lot to do today if we are going to be ready for the performance next week."

He then started to continue his explanation of what he was hoping for from the song. I stood up, which caused him to stop talking.

"Now!" I said as forcefully as I could and pointed at the small office connected to the chorus room. In effect, I had given Mr. Benson an order. He sighed, but started walking toward the door. I followed behind him and once I was inside the office I closed the door behind me and then lowered the blinds on the window that looked out on the chorus room. I knew from experience that the students in the class would not be able to hear us while we were in here.

"Megan--" Mr. Benson started, but I didn't let him continue.

"We had a deal!" I nearly yelled at him. "Nothing that would expose my secret! Do you remember that?"

"This won't expose your secret!" He shot back. "We're singing the song as a chorus. This isn't a solo piece for you. The class won't make the connection!"

"No!" I exclaimed. "We are NOT singing that song while I am in this class! Did you even get permission to use it for the performance?"

"Of course I did," he told me, and I suspected that he was telling me the truth. Somebody in my office had likely given the okay because they knew that Sarah was performing with his chorus group later this year. It wouldn't have been a problem if I was willing to sing the song with the class.

But I wasn't.

"Look," he continued. "I understand your concern. I do. But if we are going to be singing with Sarah then we need to learn some of her songs to help prepare us."

"Why?" I shot back. "We aren't going to be singing any of them at the Christmas concert. Why would we need to sing them?"

"Because..." he said before he stopped. He thought for a moment. "Because it will help us to perform with you better. It will bring the class closer to you so that they will be able to complement your voice better."

That was bogus, and I didn’t buy it. I could see how he would want to use Sarah to help elevate the class, but I didn't believe it was necessary.

"I'm not singing any of my songs in this class, Mr. Benson," I declared. "Especially two days before my concert! If you insist on including them or any other song that could expose Sarah's true identity, then I am leaving this class."

I was worried immediately about how he would take that threat, but I didn't let it show. Mr. Benson hadn't signed a non-disclosure agreement, and angering him could be very bad for my career. If he leaked my real identity to the press it could ruin Sarah Carerra. I did not know how my fans would react to the deception, even if it was to allow me a better quality of life. But it was a risk I was going to have to take right now, because he was trying to get me to do things that were totally off limits. I had to assert my dominance in this relationship or he was going to believe that he had the right to control aspects of our performance together. And that was not the case.

Mr. Benson sighed. Then he took away the one advantage I thought he had over me.

"Megan, your lawyer required me to sign the non-disclosure agreement when I asked for permission to use the song," he told me, taking away the one position of advantage he had over me. "I would never intentionally disclose your secret to anyone. Singing a few of Sarah's songs as part of a group is not going to expose you."

"Mr. Benson," I said coldly. My worry had evaporated, and I knew I had the upper ground now. "This is not a negotiation. I am telling you what your chorus is going to do if you want me to stay in this class. Do you understand?"

"No, Megan, I don't," he replied. "This is MY class. You are MY student. You cannot tell me what I can and cannot do."

"Yes, Mr. Benson, I can," I shot back. "Sarah does not need to perform with your chorus. There are plenty of other schools around here that would love the chance to perform with her. I'm sure I could find someone else to join me on stage for the Christmas concert if I need to."

"You can't do that!" he yelled. "We had an agreement! This chorus gets to perform with Sarah! What you are doing is coercion and I won't be a part of it!"

"Fine!" I yelled back. "Those are my terms! Take it or leave it!"

Mr. Benson stood there, staring at me. I could see the anger in his eyes. I could hear the soft grinding of his teeth. He was not happy with me, and I was not happy with him. This whole chorus thing had been a bad idea from the start. I never wanted to be in his class. I didn't want to do this anymore! It was too stressful! It was too likely to expose my secret!

"Megan," Mr. Benson finally said in a softer voice. "The class needs this. They want to sing Sarah's songs. They want to feel like they are a part of her world. I'm doing this for them. I'm not trying to expose Sarah's identity. I promise."

It was my turn to be silent as I considered his words. He was right. I knew that. He wasn't trying to ruin my life. But that didn't mean that his actions wouldn't lead to the secret being revealed.

"I know," I replied a moment later. "It would be best for the class. But I told you the truth. I cannot sing one of my own songs in this classroom. I just can't. I think that it is time that I dropped out of the class. It would be the best solution. You get the chance to bring Sarah into the class and I get to be free of all the stress this stupid class gives me. Okay?"

"No," he said immediately. "I want you in this class, Megan. You can do a lot to help those students. I need you."

"No," I replied. "You don't need me, Mr. Benson. You are a good teacher. You have a good group of students out there. You will do just fine without me."

"Please, Megan," he pleaded.

"No," I reiterated. "I want Sarah to sing with this chorus. I want your class to perform with me. But I think this is the only way that is going to happen. I can't stay any longer."

We stood in silence for a moment before he finally nodded.

Without another word I turned and opened the door back into the classroom and walked over to where my bag was, between my friends.

"I'm sorry," I told them before I picked up my bag and left the classroom.

* * *

"And so you just quit?!" Ethan nearly yelled at me.

"I had to, Ethan," I replied, but that didn't make him feel any better. I knew that the only reason he was in Chorus was because of me, and now I had abandoned him. Paul and Jane were also cornering me as I waited for Emily and Austin to arrive at my car so we could go home. They too were not happy with me. I pointed at Jane. "I thought you'd be happy!"

"That's beside the point!" she retorted. "Being made the top girl in the class isn't the same without you!"

"I'm sorry," I said, admonished. "But it was something I had to do," I repeated. "I can't be in that class anymore. It's too dangerous."

"Why?" Jane shot back immediately. "What could have possibly changed to make you feel that way? Are you too good to sing Sarah's songs?"

I sighed, holding back the words that I knew I wanted to, but couldn't, say. Ethan and Paul knew my secret, but Jane didn't. And this was not a good time to tell her about Sarah. She was too upset to handle the news properly.

"Are you sure this was the only way?" Ethan asked. "I mean, there had to be something that you and Mr. Benson could have worked out."

"I'm sure," I told him truthfully. "This is the best way to prepare the class for the concert with Sarah. I would just hinder that progress if I stayed in the class."

"How?" Jane asked, frustration evident in her voice. "Why?"

She wanted answers, and I couldn't give them to her.

"It just is, Jane," I said. "Trust me."

"Trust you?!" she screamed back. "You're the one who told me to sing! You told me to go for it! How can you give up like this?!"

"I'm not giving up!" I yelled back. "This is completely different!"

"How?!" she asked again. "How is it different?!"

"It just is!" I screamed.

"Okay," Ethan said while stepping between us. "Jane, she's telling the truth. This is different. And Megan, quit yelling. I understand why you left. I'm not happy about it, but that doesn't give you the right to yell at us, okay?"

I stood there, smoldering. I could feel the tears sliding down my cheeks and I just wanted to go home. This was the worst thing that could have happened today! I had been so excited about getting to perform another concert, and then Mr. Benson had to go and ruin everything! He had promised me that he wouldn't, but he had done it anyway.

I didn't say anything else. I just opened the door to my car, got in, and then locked the doors. They could all wait outside until it was time to go home. I didn't want to talk to them anymore.

* * *

I still felt like crap when I pulled my car into my parking space outside my new office. I wanted to go home, lock myself in my room, and forget about the world. But I was supposed to meet the band to finish Austin's song this afternoon, and I knew that I couldn't cancel on them.

Lucy smiled at me as I stepped into the lobby. I smiled back, even if I didn't feel it. There were a couple of girls standing at her desk, waiting for someone. They screamed when they saw me, but I just waved and entered my offices. I wasn't in the mood to deal with fans.

I greeted all the people who were working as I walked through the large open office area inside the door and as I walked down the hall. The door to the sound studio was closed, but I could hear the band warming up on the other side. I left them alone and continued down to another office first.

The door was open, and I found my attorney, Josh Carlson, inside his office, working. He looked up at me immediately.

"Hi, Sarah," he said with a smile. "Can I help you with something?"

I stepped inside, placed my guitar down on the floor, and then closed his door behind me.

"Thank you for getting Mr. Benson to sign a non-disclosure agreement," I told him.

He nodded, but he grimaced at the same time.

"Has he done something?" Josh asked. As Sarah's lawyer, Josh was one of the few individuals in this building who knew the truth about me. I had never met him without the wig on, but he knew that I was really Don's daughter. He knew I was Megan. He also knew what my relationship with Mr. Benson was.

"He broke a verbal agreement we had," I told him while taking a seat across from him. "But nothing we need to worry about. I was worried about arguing with him until he told me he had signed an agreement."

"What happened?" Josh asked, worried that there might be legal concerns despite my assurances otherwise.

"He wants to sing Sarah Carerra songs in the Chorus. I did not," I replied. "I dropped Chorus today, and he wasn't very happy about it."

"Do we need to worry?" Josh asked.

"I don't think so," I told him. "He wasn't happy, but I think we both agreed that this was the best course of action for the future. I just wanted to tell you and thank you. I was really scared about what would happen if I angered him. I'm glad you were able to get him to sign."

"It's what I'm here for," he said, smiling.

I laughed, feeling better for the first time since Chorus.

* * *

My day improved after the meeting with Josh. I spent most of the evening with my band working on finishing 'Your Time Will Come'. Spending time with friends who weren't mad at me was exactly what I needed. We were working on a song that talked all about persevering and looking forward to the good that was just around the corner. I had written the song for Austin, but as I sang through the song while we added the different instruments and vocals to what I had written earlier, it touched me in the same way I had hoped to touch him.

I knew that trying to live a double life wasn't going to be easy. This wasn't the first time that it had come between my friends and me. This probably wouldn't be the last.

I still believed that leaving Chorus was the right thing to do. Jane deserved to be featured in that class. She was an amazing singer, and I did not need the extra attention. Mr. Benson would be able to use my songs to help teach them and prepare them for our concert together.

Yes, they would be singing without me, and I knew that each of them were mad that I had left.

But leaving was the best thing that I could do for them.

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