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Editor Note: The images used for this story were purchased and used under royalty-free license* from iStockphoto.com . ~Sephrena
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Comments and suggestions are also welcome at the above email address.

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Sarah Carerra Book 3: Concerto in A-

Chapter 3.29 - The Autumn Ball

School on Friday was a blur, but I likely wasn't the only one who had other things on my mind. There was something about this dance that enticed me more than any other school dance I'd gone to. Perhaps it was because this was the first time that I was going to attend one as Megan. Before, I had always been a bit awkward and unsure of where I fit into the world. But now, with all of the things that I had undergone over the last six months, I knew exactly who I was.

Before I got up on stage at Scott Crawford's house the night that he offered me a contract, I had questioned where my life was supposed to go. I had questioned who I really was. Ever since the accident Mary had been working with me to help me find my place in the world.

Now, with a multi-platinum selling album, a very successful concert tour under my belt, and legions of fans wherever I went I no longer questioned my purpose. Even if Sarah Carerra hadn't become a main part of my life I couldn't imagine living in the dreary world I had been plodding through. Everything seemed so much more vibrant now! So much more real. Sarah Carerra's career could end tomorrow and I'd still be happy with where my life had taken me.

But I also knew that not everyone felt the same way about me. As Stephanie finished up my makeup for the evening I knew that going to this dance might be a bad idea. While nobody had done anything to me in quite a while at school, I could still see the disdain in some of their eyes. The barbs and comments that had been a daily occurrence at the beginning of the school year had become rare, but I knew they were still on the tips of the tongues of some of my schoolmates.

For the most part they had left me alone, but I hadn't done anything to make them question who or what I was. I didn't force what had happened to me into any of their faces. Now, however, I was going to show up at the dance with Paul. I wasn't really worried about what they were going to say to me, and I knew that there would be enough chaperones around to prevent anybody from doing anything physical.

I was, however, worried about what they would do or say to Paul.

Despite the strides that he had made in coming out of his shell over the summer, I wasn't entirely convinced that he was as strong as he appeared. He was definitely more well-rounded. His bravery to come to my CD-signing had done a lot for him. The way he handled the publicity after he recognized me at the OC Fair concert was also impressive. But I couldn't predict what would happen if our classmates turned their ire I had felt so keenly at the end of the last school year upon him.

Once again I began to second guess my decision to accompany Paul to the dance. In some ways it would have been better if I had gone with Ethan. Everyone at school knew that we were just friends, and they likely wouldn't have done anything more to him than they already had. Yes, Paul and I were friends too, but everyone knew we didn't normally hang out all the time. When they would see me enter on Paul's arm they would immediately know that he had asked me to be his date.

All of these things were on my mind as Emily and I posed for pictures for our parents and then entered the limo that was waiting for us. Both Paul and Ronan were unhappy that we, the girls, were picking them up this evening, but neither of them had a standing contract with a limo company to provide limousine service whenever it was needed.

We stopped at Ronan's house first, and I waited patiently as Emily went up to his door and posed for pictures with him. Eventually they made their way back to the limo. Ronan seemed impressed when he slid inside.

"Wow!" he said. "I guess having Sarah Carerra as a friend pays really well!"

"It doesn't hurt," I replied while smiling back. I didn't know Ronan very well, but he seemed like a nice guy and Emily couldn't stop smiling.

I nervously exited the vehicle when we pulled up in front of Paul's house, and the front door opened before I made it even halfway up the walk. Paul came rushing out excitedly, and I once more thought about calling this whole thing off. The look he was giving me was not one of friendship, and I did not want this relationship to go any further than that.

"Megan, you are gorgeous!" he cried out, and his mother, who had followed him out, vigorously nodded in agreement.

"Thank you. You clean up pretty well too." Paul was wearing a tuxedo that had definitely been tailored for him. I wondered if he had purchased it specifically to impress me this evening or if he had it for some other reason.

"Paul!" came a yell from his house. I looked over Paul's shoulder to see his mom standing there with a camera. Paul turned and led me back up the sidewalk to where she was waiting for us.

"Hi, Mrs. Johnson," I said as we approached.

"Hi, Megan," she smiled back at me. "Thank you for agreeing to accompany Paul. He's been talking about this dance non-stop for weeks now."

"Mom!" Paul whined. Obviously he didn't want me to know how excited he was. Sadly, I already knew and it concerned me.

Paul's mom frowned at him, and I knew that she too was worried about his feelings for me. Both of us knew how fragile Paul's self-esteem was. He had made leaps and bounds over the summer, but he was still the same shy boy I'd had as a Biology partner.

"Don't do anything to embarrass her, Paul," his mom said in a tone that indicated it was a reminder. "She's been through enough this year already."

"Mom!" Paul practically screamed this time, but I couldn't fully suppress the chuckle that came to my lips. It was the right of moms everywhere, perhaps their obligation, to embarrass their sons in front of their dates. Paul wasn't getting out of this one. "We have to go," he finally stated, hoping to get away from her.

It worked, somewhat. We still had to take some pictures, and I had to make her promise to send copies to my mother. Then it was back into the limo.

The ride to Alfredo's, where we had a reservation for dinner, was short and somewhat awkward. Ronan still seemed interested in my connection to Sarah, but he definitely had nothing in common with Paul. It was up to Emily and me to keep the conversation going. The same problem persisted through dinner, though it eased up slightly.

By the time we arrived at the school it was apparent that both Ronan and Paul were looking forward to separating Emily and me for a while. I really didn't want to be left alone with Paul, but I also knew I didn't have a choice. Paul was a great guy, but his attitude toward me had turned more and more in the direction that I didn't want it to go. He was starting to treat me like we were a couple, and I knew that wasn't going to happen.

Entering the sea of people that made up the student body was almost a relief, as he had to concentrate on moving through the crowd instead of staring at me. He dragged me straight to the dance floor, and we spent the first few dances in silence.

Paul stared at me the entire time, oblivious to the sideways glances we were receiving from those around us. The looks seemed to be a mixture of surprise, envy, and a small amount of disgust. I didn't know how to take the attention we were receiving, so I decided to ignore it.

As we continued to dance, it seemed that Paul remembered that we were out in public together; he seemed to be reverting into his old self a bit. He was nervous - I knew that. But he also seemed to be avoiding eye contact with anyone, including me. I did my best to try to engage him in small talk, but all he would do was briefly look at me, smile, and then give me a short response.

Eventually he seemed to tire of dancing, and we made our way off the dance floor and found ourselves at a table with Emily, Ronan, Ethan, and Jane. I had hoped that the night would feel less awkward with my other friends nearby, but the tension at the table was palpable. It took me a while to realize that it was Ethan who seemed to be upset with me. He was smiling and talking like we were still friends, but he was pulling away from me if I moved close, averting his gaze when I looked at him, and doting on Jane much more than I knew he would normally do.

Emily had also noticed the change in his attitude, but she seemed to be as confused about his reactions as I was. I wondered if perhaps he was upset that we hadn't invited him to go to dinner with us. But both of us knew that Ethan and Jane were going to dinner with her two best friends and their dates. Maybe he had realized that he didn't like Jane the way he thought he did, but that didn't explain his reaction either.

I was left wondering when a young freshman approached our table.

"Hi, Megan," he said, and he was much more nervous than Paul had been all night.

"Hi, Stephen," I replied with a smile that nearly toppled him. "Are you ready for that dance?"

"Um..." was his response. I could tell that he wanted to say yes, but like me he had seen Paul's reaction to my question.

"What dance?" Paul asked worriedly. "You are on a date with me, Megan."

I turned to Paul, and I was upset. Paul was being much more possessive than I felt he should. We were not really dating - we were only friends! I knew he wanted to be more, but I had already told him that was unlikely to happen anytime soon.

"I promised Stephen a dance," I told Paul. "We'll be back shortly."

I reached my hand out to Stephen, and he took it with more reverence than he should have. I heard Paul start to protest, but Emily placed her hand on his arm to silence him. I doubted that he would be happy about this, but it wasn't his decision - it was mine.

"Are you having fun?" I asked Stephen as he led me out onto the dance floor.

"I am now," he said with a gleam in his eye.

I held back the sigh I felt at having another boy besotted with me. Instead I replied. "Good."

Thankfully, the song that was playing wasn't a very slow song, and we were able to dance together without a lot of touching.

There were many pairs of eyes on Stephen and me as we continued to dance. A number of other freshmen kept eyeing us, and once I had finished dancing with Stephen they were there hoping for their chance. I had to let them down gently because even from the middle of the dance floor I saw the frown on Paul's face.

As Stephen escorted me back to the table I knew that tonight had been a mistake. It was apparent to me that Paul believed that we had taken our relationship to the next level, and we hadn't. The jealousy that he was showing was not a good trait, and I was sad that it had been my acceptance that had brought it out in him. I wasn't entirely sure what to do to alleviate the situation, and before I could say anything he had dragged me back out to the dance floor. I knew he was trying to prove the point that I was his date, but I was becoming frustrated with him.

The song we were dancing to ended and a slow number started to come from the speakers around the room. I suppressed my sigh and let Paul place his hand on my hip. He was staring into my eyes, and I didn't like the emotions that were roiling around in there.

"Do you remember what we talked about earlier this summer?" I asked Paul softly so the other couples around us couldn't hear.

"Yes," he said, and there was an excitement in his voice.

"It hasn't changed, Paul," I dropped the bombshell. I not only watched the fire in his eyes dim I also felt the clenching of his hands on my body. I knew it was not what he wanted to hear, and I knew this wasn't a good place to talk about this. But I just couldn't let him continue thinking that I was his girlfriend.

"Why?" he asked.

"I'm still not ready," I told him the truth. "I'm still trying to figure out who I am." I echoed the same words that I had told him over the summer. "And even if I was, I can't guarantee that we would be a good match."

Paul started to pull away from me at those words, and it was my turn to clench onto him.

"Look, Paul, I'm not telling you this to hurt you," I said, but I knew he was in pain. "I'm telling you this so that you have a chance to prepare for the possibility that I won't be able to return the feelings that you are showing me."

"Never?" he asked, and his eyes started to bead with tears.

"I don't know, Paul," I said, trying to pick my words carefully to prevent those tears from falling. "Maybe some day. But I'm not there now. Maybe I will never be there. I think you are amazing, Paul. I think that you will make some girl really lucky someday, but that may not be me and you need to know that."

"But Megan, I love you," he whispered so quietly that I had to strain to hear him. I knew he was embarrassed to admit that in front of our classmates.

"I know you feel that way now," I told him. "But honestly, Paul, I'm the only girl you've ever really talked to. It's natural that you might feel that way."

"But--" he started.

"But you need to expand your horizons," I interrupted. "There are some great girls at this school, and one of them may be the girl you are looking for in me."

"I don't need another girl," he said. "I have you."

I sighed, and we fell into silence for a few minutes as I tried to figure out how to reply to that.

"I will always be your friend," I told him, and I could see him wince at the word ‘friend’. "Maybe someday I will be more. But I can't be more for you right now, okay?" He nodded, almost imperceptibly, and I continued. "I know this hurts. I know you don't want to talk to any other girls. But you need to. Even if you don't find somebody else and something happens between us later it will help you grow. Can you do that for me?"

He nodded again, and then the tear slipped out of his eye.

The song came to a conclusion, and I knew that Paul wasn't up for another song, not after what I had just unloaded on him. We turned to head back to the table and came face to face with someone I had hoped to avoid tonight.

"Well, well, if I didn't know better I'd say you just broke his heart," Amber Hartfield said and jabbed Paul in the chest with her finger. She was holding a cup of something in her other hand, and a vague whiff of the air around her indicated that it had been spiked with something.

"Leave us alone, Amber," I said and tried to push her to the side. She didn't like that.

"Don't touch me, freak!" she nearly screamed. If people hadn't been watching us before they were certainly paying attention now.

"Amber, what did I ever do to you?" I asked her. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Leave you alone?!" she screamed. "You are ruining my life and you expect me to leave you alone?"

"How am I ruining your life?" I replied while trying to keep my voice calm. She was starting to make me upset, and I knew that the situation could devolve quickly if I wasn't careful.

Amber let out a feral scream of hatred. I was totally caught off guard and surprised at the intensity of her feelings toward me. The next thing I knew the hand holding her cup was moving, and I knew I was about to be soaked in alcohol. My only thought as I watched her arm move in what felt like slow motion was how I was going to explain that to my parents.

"No!" someone screamed, and Denise, one of Amber's best friends and who had been standing by as Amber confronted me, pushed Amber's arm away. The contents of her cup barely missed me, and splattered onto the floor a short distance away.

"What is wrong with you?!" Amber's ire turned on her friend. "Why would you do that?!"

"She's wearing a Sirocco!" Denise shot back like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"We're all wearing Siroccos!" Amber shot back. "Do you really think that I care?"

"No!" Denise yelled. "I don't think you care. But her dress is worth ten times what ours are worth and I'm not going to let you ruin something that expensive, no matter who is wearing it!"

I stood there, boggling at this turn of events! Yes, most of the girls at this dance tonight were wearing dresses made by Sarah Carerra's favorite designer. Yes, my dress had been much more expensive than anyone else here had likely paid for theirs. That kind of privilege was one of the perks of being a multi-platinum award-winning pop star. But never in my life had I thought that it would save me from being drenched by somebody's drink!

Avalon would have killed me if I let something like that happen to the dress she had made specifically for me. But then again she still thought she had made the dress for Sarah. She didn't know the truth and Julia and I had been reluctant to tell her.

While the two of them were fighting I grabbed Paul's arm and left the dance floor as quickly as I could. I didn't want to be around when Amber was ready to confront me again.

* * *

The night was starting to wind down and there weren't many dances left when I found myself heading out to the dance floor once more. This time, with Paul's permission, it was Ethan who was leading me through the crowd until we found a place to start dancing. Naturally it had to be a slower song and I immediately felt weird when he put his arm on my waist and started leading me around.

"This is kind of weird, isn't it?" he asked after seeing my reaction.

"Yeah," I replied and found myself laughing. Even if it was weird there was something natural about it. I had known Ethan for a long time. We had been best friends for almost as long as I had been alive. And I was comfortable with him. He was my friend and I knew for the first time that night that I was dancing with a boy who wasn't in love with me. It was a refreshing experience.

"I'm sorry about tonight," he finally said, apologizing for the attitude he'd been displaying. I still didn't know why he was upset, but I was glad that he was getting over it.

"It's okay," I replied. "I'm sorry that Emily and I abandoned you," I took a stab in the dark at why he had been in such a bad mood this week.

"It's not your fault," he told me. "I should have known that she would get a date. I was surprised that you agreed to come with Paul."

There was a questioning look on his face as he asked the question, and I knew he was looking for insight into why I had said yes.

"That was a mistake," I said. "I know that now."

Relief washed over Ethan, confusing me for a moment. Then I realized that he probably felt Paul and I wouldn't make a good couple.

"Maybe I should have just come with you," I admitted, and he smiled widely. "I mean, I just wanted to come with a friend, and not someone who was falling in love with me. I definitely picked the wrong person for that."

His smile dimmed, but didn't go out. Likely he agreed with me.

"Well, if nothing else I'm glad we got to dance together, even if it is just once," he told me. "It's been a difficult summer. I haven't always been the friend that you wanted me to be. But I'm here for you now, no matter what you need. I thought I knew you before this summer, but I've come to realize that you were so much more."

He paused, and I didn’t know where his thoughts were going. His smile widened again, and then he looked me straight in the eyes.

"You are more extraordinary than I ever knew, Megan," he stated. "I am honored to call you a friend and I will always be at your side. Always."

It was my turn to smile and I felt my lips spread wide as I looked back into his eyes. I had almost forgotten how close the two of us were. We had strained our relationship over the summer, and it started when I had kissed him. I wasn't going to make that mistake again. We had rekindled our friendship and become even closer than we had ever been before, and I never wanted to let that go.

* * *

"Thank you, Paul," I said as he led me up the sidewalk and to my front door. The limo was dropping off Emily and me first before taking the guys home.

"No, thank you, Megan," he replied. "I know that you didn't want to say ‘yes’ to me, but I'm glad you did."

"I never didn't want to say yes," I told him. "I was just...worried."

"I know," was his only reply. "I think I understand now. I'm sorry I made you worry."

We went up the last step and I turned toward him. I was worried again, hoping that this moment didn't become awkward. Paul had shown how much he had matured after our talk on the dance floor. He had backed away, but instead of hating me like I feared he would, he seemed to be considering what I had told him.

Before I could say anything to him he reached out and took my right hand before guiding it straight to his lips! The soft pressure on the back of my hand was tender and not rushed, and I knew that he still loved me. But he wasn't going to push the issue further.

I was left speechless as he smiled at me. Then he pulled away and gently let go of my hand. He turned, and without looking back he headed for the limo.

I was left wondering what that meant.

* * *

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