Author retains all rights to this original work of fiction.

Wednesday, March 28th 11:33 PM
We were hurried off stage after a rousing final chorus of applause from the audience. Leza Howell continued to work the crowd and encouraged them to attend the after show as we headed back toward the 'green' room. Once there we were given a chance to go grab any personal items we might want - Amen! I grabbed my cellphone and wristlet clutch.

When I checked my phone I had messages from Bill, Kaley and of course mom. I read hers first. Most were her wondering if I was okay and after not replying she must have figured I didn't have my phone on me and I was safe. Her next to last text encouraged me to do well when it was my turn to perform. Her last message had been sent about the time I finished performing and said, 'I am so proud of you honey! You were perfect tonight! I love you so much and can't wait to see you... Love you!' The lump in my throat hung heavy and had it not been for Michelle saying we needed to get going - I probably would have lost it right there... As we made our way to the banquet room I scanned the other messages - pretty much the same as mom's 'Are you OK?', 'You were amazing!', and 'That was masterful...' from Bill.

Someone laughing pulled me from being so focused on the text messages on my phone. The mood amongst those gathered in mass outside of the banquet room seemed pretty good between those who made the finale and those who didn't. Everyone was being super supportive, laughing, complimenting one another, and it all felt genuine - that was a huge relief. We didn't need any catty crap to dampen spirits before jumping into this 'Meet and Greet'.

The finale would end up being the two guys, Dana and Wyatt, competing against Michelle, Carlie, Lisa - the last contestant to make it after I was announced. I barely remember her being announced while on stage and felt a little bad about that - I made sure to congratulate her before we left the stage area to come interact with our newfound fans.

I thought about what tomorrow was going to entail and the truth of the matter was I would have my work cut out for me... Unless any of the other five contestants flubbed up big - AND - I nailed perfect tens from the judges on my last song - pretty much my chances were slim to long shot, for winning this thing. Didn't mean I wasn't going to try and kick ass tomorrow night, but I was already preparing myself for the reality of the situation - these finalists were immensely talented.

"Alright, let's go...," one of the stagehands said opening the door to the banquet room.

As we entered those gathered began clapping, a few were cheering for their favorites from the show. It was humbling to say the least and a shock to see so many people... The PBS cameras were inside the doors to capture our reactions, boom microphones not likely to capture much said between us due to the boisterous and very loud greeting we'd just received. As we made our way through the crowd, people reached out to touch us, making quick comments like, "I really loved your performance..." and "You're such an amazing singer..." and of course more than a few of us got the "You are so hot..." or "OMG! You are beautiful..." comments.

I smiled a lot, tried to shake people's hands rather than allow them to just put their hands on me randomly, and even hugged a few kids who couldn't have been more than twelve or thirteen and espoused their love for me as their favorite singer. Others from the show were doing much the same - thanking people for the support, pressing flesh, and smiling a lot. I don't think anyone thought it would be like this... When we finally made it to a long table set up for us, to base our meeting the gathered audience, there was already a huge line of people waiting to get their couple seconds with each of us. How insane is that?! I wondered why didn't they set this damn table up by were we entered the banquet room?! Be polite... Smile... Breathe...

Wednesday, March 28th 11:46 PM
A crowd of people hadn't gotten the memo that there was a line the sponsors of the show wanted people to get in for a chance to meet the contestants. The stage staff did their best to impart that message without pissing anyone off - it worked out, but I'm sure the audience was as confused as we were to why they decided to run this part of the show like this. Probably would have been much easier to just let us mingle throughout the banquet room. Maybe they didn't want anyone sneaking out early? Wyatt pointed out the reason was likely the PBS camera crews. He got a couple head nods in agreement. They wanted to keep us contained for their filming... That explains a lot.

As soon as he finished saying that I heard my name called and snapped my head towards the end of the table, away from the beginning of the line of those waiting to meet us. I pushed my chair out and rushed to the end of the table... I didn't make it to my mom before I was sobbing...

"Hey, hey now... It's okay...," she said while hugging me, pushing me away while holding my shoulders, "I am so proud of you..."

I lost it even more after she said that and through convulsed waves of sobs I tried to hug her even tighter... Bill was patting me on the shoulders reassuring me and when I looked up I could see Charles wiping a tear from his eye. Kaley held back a couple seconds to let mom and I have that moment, then jumped in and hugged both mom and I... I'm sure it would look as heartfelt as it was to me on film - because right there to catch it all was a PBS camera, a small crowd of people trying to figure out if they wanted to get in the long line, and the other contestants sitting there. At this moment - I could care less what anyone thought about it...

"Brea...," someone said behind me, "Gotta get this going, I'm really sorry..."

Mike, the stage manager, looked like he was in pain after asking me to wrap this reunion up. I understood, but it didn't make it easier to let mom go. She assured me she would be right there, pointing to a spot close to where I would be sitting. I smiled and she wiped the last of my tears away, "Go, people are anxious to meet you..."

I hugged and kissed her, hugged both Bill and Charles, and squeezed Kaley's hands before rejoining the other contestants... OMG! What a roller coaster this night had been!

Thursday, March 28th 12:59 AM
We could all see the end of the line of people wanting to meet us and was that ever a relief! I had signed no less than thirty programs from the show, sixteen t-shirts sold with the logo for the Grand Cayman hotel and the Transgender Day of Visibility event (I needed to get one of those), and two forearms - which was kind of weird. Pretty sure I wasn't the only one to get propositioned, though the presence of the PBS cameras probably kept that to a minimum. My mom would have interjected if someone got stupid with me and she would have had no problem chasing them off. Luckily that didn't happen!

The most common question I was asked, "How did you come up with that arrangement?" I answered the same every time, "I didn't, Bill Carter did - he's right there," I pointed towards Bill behind the asker. He got to talk with a few of those from the line also - I think he enjoyed the attention - until he left to check on Charles in the casino around 11:30 PM. The other most asked questions dealt with how long I had been singing and had I considered performing professionally. The answers were "Since I was eight, for church..." and "No, I'm not good enough for that..." That last answer got me more than a fair amount of complaints, but it's how I felt. I was happy swimming in my little fish bowl that was the San Diego amateur club scene and these people need to realize I sing for fun, not a career or to make money.

When the last couple people had gone through the line of contestants - I was so done. I had maintained my 'thankful for your support' composure - though it was a struggle to continue doing that after the first hour. I had gotten a few questioning looks from my mom when I didn't sound accommodating or answered a question hastily. I know she was expecting me to be gracious, since these people had waited patiently for a couple seconds of my time, it wasn't easy. I most enjoyed speaking to the kids and there were no less than a dozen that were Transgender who had seen the show. I complimented their parents for supporting their children - which made my mom smile every time.

Of course how any of us were portrayed would come to light in the PBS filming of our interactions with the crowd and how they edited it. How many times on American Idol or Survivor or whatever reality show did they sway the audiences opinion of someone through editing? Augh, I think I was safe though - at least I hoped so...

"Thank you everyone," Karen Cole said to the maybe forty people who remained in the banquet room milling around, "We look forward to seeing you tomorrow night for the finale, Thank you... Have a wonderful rest of your evening."

There was weak applause in reply to her closing of this portion of the show and half the crowd headed towards the exit slowly, as the other half met up with their supported contestant. Mom and Kaley congratulated me for holding it together. "I couldn't have done that," Kaley said. Mom looked at her a moment and assured her she could have.

I told them I was going to go change and then we were going to get our dance on. Mom declined saying she would come by at 9:00 AM to get me for breakfast and told me not to stay out too late. We hugged, and Kaley and I watched her leave. Kaley said she'd meet me in the lobby and to hurry up, because if Bill found out I was going to the club instead of bed - he would be PISSED! Augh... She was right! Sneak out of here quickly! I saw Dana heading toward the entrance we'd come in, gave Kaley a quick hug, and hurried across the banquet room to catch up to him.

"Hey Brea...," he said when I caught up to him in the hallway just outside the banquet room.

"Hi..."

"You were awesome tonight and until Wyatt sang I had you down as the one to beat..."

"Oh, I... Thank you. Wyatt certainly killed it, but so did you," I protested, "Pretty sure it was Wyatt, then a tossup between you and Michelle," I said smiling.

"Yeah, well I don't know about that kiddo...," he said holding the backstage entrance door open for me.

I entered with him right behind me, "You going to the club? There's supposed to be a couple tables there for us...," I asked - though it wasn't the question I really wanted to ask.

"Nah... Think I'm going to call it a night..."

Why couldn't you have said 'Yes, I'm going to find Tyler and meet you there...' Augh! "I didn't see Tyler, was he at the show," and there was my ask. I held my breath, literally, waiting for him to answer as we reached the door to my dressing room.

"Think he's with Jennifer... He sent me a text after the fire alarm and since I'd already performed he said he'd see me in the morning," he replied not reading anything more into my ask than maybe me being curious about him and his brother going to the club.

Of course the next question should be, 'Who's Jennifer?', but I didn't want to tip my hand. "Does he know about everyone meeting in the club tonight?" Oh, you are sly, sly, sly! - I thought as soon as I asked.

"Jen doesn't dance," he chuckled, "More likely they're off trying to find some twenty-four hour chapel to get married in," he said laughing, "They're not the brightest couple, so maybe their getting matching tattoos...," he laughed a little harder at his comment.

Wha? What?! Married?! Had I missed something? "Are they engaged," I asked quickly, hoping it sounded like an innocent question as my skin got very cool all of a sudden.

"God... I wish they weren't, but them's the breaks. They've been on and off for the past six months. Got engaged last year around Christmas. I'm pretty sure her dad wasn't happy about that... She's nice, but a bit scattered..."

I was hearing everything he was saying, but felt like I had just been punched in the gut. I moved my hand absently to the doorknob of my dressing room and pushed it. When it didn't open I turned the knob, then pushed the door open, "Well, we're going to miss you at the club...," and I entered the room not looking back. I didn't care how I sounded at this point or if he had even the slightest hint that his fucking brother being engaged just ruined my fucking night and he was a God damn cheating sack of shit...

Thursday, March 29th 1:32 AM
My phone vibrated and I turned it over, looking at it through blurry, tear filled eyes. It was a text from Kaley, 'Hey, I'm out... Not feeling good. Cheese from the banquet room? You good?' I stared at the text wondering what to reply. I'd already thrown up and was feeling queasy still, but it had nothing to do with the food at the 'Meet and Greet' - though I didn't have any of the cheese, just some chips. I could use someone to talk with and considered asking if I could come to her room, but passed.

I typed, 'OK, won't be the same without you...' I added a frowning emjoi and hit send. She replied back quickly, 'Talk to you later. Have fun, stay safe. Love ya!' I replied that I loved her too and set my phone down. I was alone again, alone with my doubts, alone with the thoughts of last night with Tyler. The tears started to flow again and that sick sour churning began again in my stomach. You mother-fucker! You fucking asshole, piece of fucking shit... Breathe...

What happens in Vegas is going to blow the fuck up in your face if I see you! God damn you!! How do you do that shit to me when you're fucking engaged?! How do you reason that it's 'Okay' to fucking toy with me like that, to use me?! I felt like puking again, but it would be dry-heaves at this point... Fuck you Tyler! Fuck you, you fucking loser!! The needle had moved slightly from hurt to a mix of hurt and flaming angry pissed off bitch... I prayed I ran into him and 'Jennifer' before I left Vegas... Fucker!

Thursday, March 29th 1:58 AM
I'd had enough wallowing alone in the dressing room, so quickly finished changing. I wanted to beat the shit out of Tyler, but that would probably have to wait. I needed to get out of here or I was going to sink deep into a dark place and there'd be little hope of climbing out. Yeah for self-mental-mutilation! The plan, as I exited the dressing room, was to get a long shower, and crash hard in my...

"Hey Brea..."

FUCK! I literally jumped and spun around to see Wyatt coming my way. "Hey... You scared the crap out of me! What are you doing back here," I asked.

"Oh... Sorry about that. I was changing," he replied confused, like he was questioning his answer. He looked me over like something was up, "You okay?"

"Yeah, just tired...," I replied, hoping he'd go his way and I'd go...

"Ah, you sure about that? I know a little bit about make-up and...," he said that while moving his hand in front of his face, "You sure you're okay?"

Of course he knew about makeup, at some point before transitioning he probably did the makeup thing daily. Augh... I did not want to get into this with him, "Tired and stressed, I'm good..." As soon as I said that I could feel the tears forming, the shallow breaths, strained control of my voice, all that coming on too quickly... Shit!

"Whoa... Hey, hey now...," he said reaching out to put a hand on my shoulder, then just gave in and hugged me. I couldn't help but lose it fully right there in his arms. "Let it go Brea...," he encouraged patting my back softly as I just stood there sobbing quietly.

After a minute I'd gained a little composure and he let the hug pass, moving his hands to my hips, "I'm sorry...," I croaked trying to get control of the my spiraling emotions.

"No worries... Is there anything I can do? Who can I kill for you," he asked with a little chuckle, trying to get me past whatever was bothering me by joking about taking out my antagonist.

I smiled half-heartedly, "If it was only that easy..."

"Could be...," he said raising an eyebrow, "Well, maybe not... But there's plenty we could do to mess someone up...," he said smiling.

"Thanks, Wyatt...," I replied as he stared at me intently - as if he was contemplating something... It was an awkward moment for someone I felt comfortable around - even though I barely knew him. I wished I could read minds...

He let my hips go and took a step back, "You know what you need?"

I looked at him confused, "What?" I tried smiling, but it didn't stick.

"A drink and some dancing! What do you say? You're already dressed for clubbing. Let's go throw back a couple and get loose on the dance floor. Come on!" I shook my head 'No', but he pressed, "Look, want to feel better, lift your spirits? Drink some spirits and let that body go on the dance floor... Trust me, I'm not a doctor, but I could play one on TV..."

I couldn't help but laugh. I had planned on going back to my room and crash, but the thought of being alone with my doubts and beating myself up until I finally fell asleep wasn't very appealing. No matter how much I told myself that wasn't the way the rest of this evening was going to go - it was how it was going to go. Maybe I did need to let loose, get a different prospective, blow off some steam, and not think for once... I looked at him, he tilted his head, "Mmmmhum, you know you wanna go dancing..."

"Fine... Let's go...," I said with a bit of resolve, though not much confidence, "I could really use a drink..."

"You wanna touch up that perdy face first...," he said smiling.

"Yeah, I probably should..."

Thursday, March 29th 2:16 AM
We were ushered right in after checking in with the clubs gatekeeper. At the table reserved for us was Michelle, Lisa, Janet, and a few other contestants with either fans from the show or their significant others. It was impossible to hear anything over the thumping bass and music playing, so our introductions were basically a wave and lips moving - my trying to lip read was in vain. When the cocktail waitress came over I had to speak in her ear to get my order for a rum and Coke. Wyatt did the same with her and I wondered what he ordered, because she was talking a lot in his ear for just a drink order.

When she left, he leaned over and grabbed my hand, "Dance with me!"

I shook my head 'No', but got pulled to my feet and followed him to the dance floor. I wasn't fighting the invite very hard, especially with a club mix of the Bruno Mars 'Uptown Funk' playing, and truth was I liked dancing. Never did much when I was younger or in public, but did plenty of it around my apartment - mostly when cleaning.

We made our way to the center of the packed dance floor and I just went for it. Wyatt did the same and who'd have guessed that he was a very good dancer - given his country persona. He had rhythm and certainly knew how to move his body! A few times he took my hands and spun me around - I laughed a lot and so did he. We sang to each other parts of the song we knew, 'I'm too hot... Call the police and the fireman... I'm too hot... Make a dragon wanna retire, man I'm too hot... Bitch, say my name you know who I am...' and it was so much fun - but probably good people couldn't hear us!

I certainly wasn't exactly dressed for clubbing - though Wyatt had said I was, but I probably looked cute enough in white jeans, a loose fitting black silk blouse, my hair in a ponytail, and a pair of flats. Fuck it! I didn't care what people thought about me right now! I hadn't even had a drink yet and would happily give the world a big dose of my middle-finger if they didn't like what they saw! My makeup probably wasn't on point, but I really didn't give a shit... 'Don't believe me just watch...' I sang while raising my hands above my head, shaking my ass, and moving my feet in no particular direction. Nothing should matter right now - I was enjoying myself - so stay the fuck away from me if your intentions were to bring me down!

Thursday, March 29th 2:33 AM
We danced to a second song I really didn't know and half-way through it Wyatt took my hand and we headed back toward our table. Our drinks were there and I took a quick sip - Augh... It was mostly rum with a splash of Coke for color. My stomach protested, but not too much - I really should have ordered something to eat. Wyatt had some kind of mixed drink also and two shot glasses - he slid one in front of me yelling something like, "It'll remove hair from unwanted areas...," or something to that effect, I think.

How do you not crack up after hearing that? I did and hoped I was laughing at something funny - he was laughing. Of course I was the only one laughing with him, because there was no way anyone else could have heard that sitting around the table with the music booming. I looked at him and mouthed 'What is this?'

He yelled, "To-kill-ya..."

Tequila... Yikes! I'd had a few experiences with 'To-kill-ya', but feeling the way I did about how this day had gone I picked up the shot glass, raised it - he raised his, we clinked shots together, and downed them - pounding the shot glasses on the table when done. That got us a couple looks and a few claps from those gathered at the table. The liquid didn't burn going down, so he must have ordered some kind of top-shelf brand - it was certainly smooth. I could feel it warming my insides going down. I just hope I can keep it down...

Our cocktail waitress walked by and Wyatt held up two fingers while pointing to the two empty shot glasses. She got the message and looked around the table for any other orders. Michelle pointed to her glass of wine, while both Janet and Lisa nodded 'No'. The song 'Sucker', the club mix by the Jonas Brother's began playing and Wyatt was on his feet pointing to Michelle, Janet, and Lisa. They weren't interested, but I stood, took his hand, and pulled him towards the dance floor. I wanted to get lost in dance, lose any thoughts of that fuck Tyler.

Deep into the song Wyatt must have thought it was time to bust out his best dance moves, spinning twice like he'd had some dance training in his past and moving his hips with purpose. He was on fire and thoroughly enjoying himself. How fucking fun! I had a 'perma' grin on my face just watching him and did my best to keep up - though I didn't have much in the moves department that could compete. At one point he had his hands on my hips and he was grinding on me from behind pretty good. It was no different than any number of the other couples dancing around us and I'm sure it looked pretty sexual. I certainly wasn't holding back and neither was he. We didn't care and it certainly showed...

Not thirty seconds later I was cracking up after a failed attempt to spin me had us nearly bonking our heads together. What saved that from happening was me pulling myself to his left, which resulted in me nearly knocking us both over. What a klutz I was! We got a few looks from those dancing around us - still didn't care. I think Wyatt yelled, "She's drunk!" at one couple. I shook my head 'No' at them and shouted, "He's drunk!" We ended up laughing and continuing to dance, moving away from those sticks-in-the-mud couples to continue getting jiggy-with-it. When the song ended and the next one began, another song I wasn't familiar with, he put his hands on my shoulder, leaned in and pretty much yelled, "You good for another one?"

I leaned in close, "I need something to drink..."

We returned to the table and waiting for us were two shots. I didn't like my mixed drink - the harsh well rum with a splash of Coke just didn't taste good. When Wyatt slid the shot glass towards me I smiled and we repeated our previous routine, slamming the shot glasses on the table when done. We got the same applause from those around the table. The music in this place was thumping, but the inability to hold even the slightest conversation with anyone was kind of annoying. Everyone did a lot of looking around, shrugging, and smiling - because unless you were speaking into someone's ear, there was no way they could hear you.

Case in point - the cocktail waitress. I asked for water, three times, before she understood. And I felt like I was yelling. I hated that and hoped I didn't come off bitchy. Wyatt ordered a couple more shots - I gave him a look. I wasn't going to get stinking loopy on tequila. I had nothing in my stomach and with just the two shots in me - I wasn't feeling any pain right now. The next shot would be the last alcohol for the night for me...

'Sweet but Psycho' by Ava Max began playing and this time I was up, pointing at those gathered to come out to the dance floor. No one moved... Thank God for Wyatt and him not letting me hang there! He guided me to the dance floor while holding my hips and we began dancing like we didn't have a care in the world. We did some more grinding, he spun me a few times - without throwing me off balance, and we laughed and laughed. It was crazy fun!

When the next song began to play, I recognized it, but the mix was way too techno. I slowed my dancing and looked at Wyatt, who had no clue what this song was. I was well into feeling the effects of those shots now and was feeling more relaxed than expected. I leaned in close to him, "I don't like the mix of this song..." He looked at me confused, I shrugged, and before I could shake my head 'No' he pulled me to him and kissed me. It was a full on lips, tongue, and hungry for more kind of kiss... I pulled away after a couple seconds, shocked, looking at him with a questioning look.

I looked around and no one was really even paying any attention to us. What the heck?! He looked flustered, then embarrassed, and said something I couldn't hear, but I did pick up the word 'Sorry' in reading his lips. The look he had on his face was the same from backstage before he kissed me - had he considered kissing me then? My heart sank, I liked Wyatt, but not like that, like this... I had had enough guy problems to last well past the rest of this trip - I instantly wondered if I had given him the wrong message.

When he didn't move, I took his hands and lead him towards the back of the club - I could see where the bathrooms were and hoped it would be quieter there so we could talk. We walked into the hall leading to the bathrooms and outside of the woman's bathroom door I tried to soften my rejection of his advance a few moments ago, "Wyatt... I really like you, but not...," I paused as two women went in the restroom - giving us a look as they did, "Just not in that way. I'm really, really sorry... I hope I didn't give you the wrong signals or something. You are absolutely wonderful and any girl would be lucky to have you. I'm just... I'm a fucking mess right now and wouldn't wish my shit on anyone..." I know I was speaking loudly still, but with the volume of the music in the background I still had too nearly shout every word.

Wyatt took a second before replying, "I'm sorry Brea, I just... I thought there was something going on between us. Totally on me and I apologize..."

I took his hands and smiled, "No, no... No apologizes. Please... Can we not make this awkward or anything? Like we were before..."

"I can try, but it would be a lie to say you haven't hooked me a bit...," he replied smiling.

"Oh Wyatt... Throw me back, I'm not a keeper right now. I promise you that..."

"Yeah, I doubt that Brea..."

I had plenty of Instagram and Tumblr friends who were Trans and basically had switched genders with their significant other. All were happy, healthy, and totally committed. I wanted happy, healthy and committed also, but had never really thought about getting into a relationship with someone who wasn't a CIS male. Not that Wyatt wasn't male enough, but I hadn't really thought about being with someone who had also transitioned. AUGH! Did it matter that he was Trans? Of course not! What did matter was I just wasn't attracted to him. Leza Howell's question about being attracted to women, Trans or CIS women, came to mind. Again, not something I had given a lot of thought too... I was firmly in the she/her pronoun camp and very much attracted to CIS men... God, why did you have to kiss me Wyatt?!

We hugged briefly, not uncomfortably or anything super awkward - so that was good! He took my hands and kissed them, then turned to lead us back to our table. When we approached we both put on smiles, while the others were either yelling to be heard in their conversations or just smiled back at us. There were two shot glasses at Wyatt's seat and without hesitation he picked them both up, handed me one, and we repeated our earlier clinking of shot glasses and the slam of them back to the table when empty. We hugged, this time it was nearly as nice as our pre-kiss hug. Would he feel differently later today? Would I? God, I need to get out of here...

We sat and watched the others around the table for maybe five minutes. When Wyatt put a hand on my leg - I took that as my queue to wrap this evening up. I thanked him for the shots, tried to pull out some money - he told me to put it away. Of course all of that was really both of us yelling at each other so we could be heard. I waved to everyone around the table saying 'Good night' - which those good at reading lips caught. And that was it, I'm out of here I thought, and headed for the exit. I sure hoped Wyatt and I were cool, he really was a nice guy...

Maybe I should reconsider following in my Trans sisters footsteps and give him a chance? Then I thought about him being from Nashville and that pretty much sealed it - don't start something you can't finish...

Thursday, March 29th 3:03 AM
As soon as I exited the club I huffed a heavy sigh of relief. My ears were ringing and the silence outside of the club was maddening. As I turned towards the lobby I felt a tap on my shoulder. When I turned to see who'd followed me out - I was praying it wasn't Wyatt, I couldn't take rejecting him further tonight. I also hoped it wasn't Tyler, because as loose as I was feeling - confrontation with me wouldn't end well for him. "Mr. Schultz...," I said smiling.

"Miss Calloway...," he replied.

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