This is the fourth chapter of the sequel to the novel Taylor, which was published as a Kindle book. All the proceeds from Taylor and Taylor, Too! are for BigCloset. I hope you take the time to read this and tell me what you think. As always, I appreciate constructive criticism. I think it only makes the story better. I am writing this one chapter at a time, so your input is important in making this a better book.

Chapter Four

Four

“Mom, shopping for a bathing suit is weird. How am I supposed to know if it’ll fit if I leave my underwear on?” Taylor was following her mom into the store. It was still new to shop in stores as a girl. Even though they’d shopped several times together this week alone, filling up her closets.

Molly, her mom, smiled. “It’s for sanitary purposes, honey. You keep your cooties in your underpants, and so does anyone else who tries this same suit on.”

“Geez, that’s an incredibly gross thought! We are going to wash it before I wear it, right?” Taylor tried to imagine getting some strange disease from some unclean person trying on the same suit she’d wear. “Hey, I like this one.” She held up a one-piece in shiny blue fabric.”

Her mom grinned and nodded. “Brings out the color in your eyes. Go try it on."

Taylor sighed and went into the dressing room. She took off all her clothes except her padded bra and panty and hung them on hooks. As she pulled it on, it fit okay. It wasn’t too tight, but it squeezed in on her waist and body. She looked in the mirror and gasped. The cut was very high. It barely covered her hips and was cut high in the back. It really reminded her of a Speedo racing suit. And it really made her butt look big.

She turned and studied it. The suit was okay. It obviously showed off her long legs and boyish hips. That didn’t bother her. She tried to imagine it with no padding on top and just her flat chest showing. Taylor imagined going to Julie’s pool and decided it was best not to fake anything. It would be too artificial to wear a padded bra when everyone knew she still had a boy’s body. Taylor wondered how long it would be until the estrogen would change that. And, of course, it was up to the doctor when she could start any medication. As she stared at her body, she thought about having to tuck. Hopefully, the tucking kits they’d ordered on Amazon might arrive in time for the Thursday pool afternoon. The product was billed as waterproof.

She walked out with a smile on her face. She looked at her mother. “What do you think?”

Molly looked her over carefully. “I like it. The material gives you a very sleek shape. I like the way you look in it. Let’s buy it. Do you want to try another one?”

Taylor sighed and rolled her eyes. “Not really. All of this is stressing me out. I’m right on the point of hyperventilating or crying.”

Molly grabbed Taylor’s arm to hold her up and carefully examine her pale face. She carefully sat her down on the seat inside the dressing room. “Okay, that’s fine, but I’m going to buy you a second suit, a backup suit. Humor me.”

Taylor was trying to catch her breath and breath normally. “Mom, I think this whole suit is pushing my brain to the edge of reality. I think it’s all about coming face-to-face with my genitals all at once. I can’t help but think about them. And I’m being reminded that I live in a boy’s body, and I’ve got stuff between my legs that no fifteen-year-old girl should have. It’s okay when everything is hidden behind layers of clothing, but this suit is thin, body-hugging, and scary. I mean, it looks good. I’m not sad about my looks, but it’s really hitting me hard now. I think this is just one of those things that I have to get used to.”

Taylor tried to smile. She hoped this suit would work on both occasions if her mom and dad said she could go down to the beach for the whole day with her sister, friends, and Andrew. She was still waiting to hear from Emma to see if the entire thing was a go. All she could think about is being with her boyfriend for a whole day. It would be heaven.

Molly smiled and held up a hanger. “Okay, dear daughter. Here’s the suit I like and think will look good on you. See, it’s cut like the one you picked, except it’s got some pretty colors in the design.”

Taylor looked at it and shrugged. She was still having trouble catching her breath. She wanted to put her clothes back on and stop looking at her almost naked body. Her mom interrupted her thoughts.

“So, honey. It’s time to go. Let’s pay for these two things and head to the food court. You need something cold to drink, and I want to see if Marg is still working over at the modeling kiosk.

Taylor started feeling better as soon as she got her clothes back on. Looking in the dressing room mirror, she fluffed out her hair then smoothed it into place. She was breathing normally as they waited while her mom’s card was processed.

As the woman handed Molly her credit card, she smiled. “Boy, you can really see the resemblance between the two of you. Both of you are pretty enough to be models.”

Taylor smiled and nodded. She wasn’t used to hearing compliments from complete strangers and it made her feel naked or transparent or something weird. As much as she wanted to feel confident about carrying herself around as a young woman, it was still daunting.

Once outside the store, the two of them headed to a busy, noisy food court. They went over to the juice kiosk and Taylor got a fruit and vegetable smoothie. As she tried to take sips instead of gulps, Taylor thought about it. She went and got a water from a dispenser. As she gulped it down, the cold water helped her to calm down. After her brain was cool and she was relaxed, she could calmly sip her drink.

As she was sipping her smoothie, Taylor watched her mom head across the food court. She stood, grabbed up her bag from the store and followed her mom. She caught up to her on the other side of the Food Court, where the Barbizon displays were set up. And she smiled when she saw Marg greeting her mom.

Sure enough, Marg had a big hug for her mother. Taylor just hung back and let the two of them reminisce. Finally, after about five minutes, Marg turned and smiled at her. “Hi, Taylor. It’s good to see you standing side by side with your mom. It is really amazing how much you look like Molly. We’re going to have so much fun together.”

Taylor had just heard the same observation from a saleswoman who didn’t know she was trans. In a way, these comments were very reassuring.

Her mom turned to her. “Want to give it a try? Maybe for a couple of months before you go back to school? I don’t want to complicate the fall with too much on your plate.”

Taylor shrugged. “Really?” She was still having trouble processing the idea that a trans girl could be a model. She turned to Marg. “Do you think being trans will work out with modeling?”

Marg laughed. “There are so many LGBTQ people in our community that you will feel very comfortable. I think you’ll enjoy it, and it will give you some confidence, too.”

Molly smiled. “I agree with Marg. You’d benefit from having other people see you dressing in fashion shots. You will just have to realize that you are a pretty teenager. And it’s only going to get you more comfortable in girl mode. I don’t think you need to wait until you take medications to feel comfortable just being who you are. Maybe it will even help you with preparing to return to school in the fall, too.”

Taylor frowned at the thought of facing a new school full of strange kids. She knew she’d be on display while everyone had to see the tranny. She was so grateful that TV shows were featuring trans teens as weekly cast members so that she wouldn’t be just a freak. She looked straight at both of them. “Okay, we can try it. But we have to agree that this is a trial period. I can walk away from any commitment in a month if it doesn't work out.”

Marg frowned. “Okay. But, if you want my opinion, that might be too soon. Let’s wait to give this whole commitment thing an end date. Let’s just play it by ear. If you don’t like it, just come to me, and we’ll talk. I’m going to be more than your agent. Ask your mom. I listened a lot to her, and we learned together.”

Taylor’s mom smiled. “Marg was my first coach on how to face the real world. I was like you - young, shy, and really insecure. Marg was my momma bear and did a great job of protecting me. That’s why I have full confidence in what she says and does. She really has your best interest at heart. She knows that a happy worker is a good worker.”

Taylor nodded. “Do I get paid?”

Marg laughed. “You’re going to get paid a lot for a fifteen-year-old woman. And I’ll ensure you’ll get one hundred percent of your wages when we start. I collect twenty-five percent of your income when you get into the groove.”

Taylor looked surprised at Marg taking all of that money. She made a face.

Her mom, Molly, grabbed her arm. “Marg earns it. She does a lot for her piece of the pie. Without an agent, you really won’t get job offers. Marg made a lot of money for me. You know, modeling paid for college and medical school.”

Marg laughed and looked at Taylor. “Your mom deserted me. She would have made much more money modeling as a career than her medical practice earns. But I get it. We have to do what we want to do. And by the way, you’ll earn thousands of dollars this summer if you want to work every day. I’ve got two catalog shoots for JC Penny. And that doesn’t count weekend runway shows. Once we get you set up, you’ll be turning down work. Believe me; you will make a lot of money.”

Taylor looked pained. “I don’t want to work too much. I have a boyfriend.”

Marg laughed. “Oh, I understand. But you’re only ninety minutes from Philly and three hours from New York. That’s where we are going to concentrate on our business with you. I’m setting aside my time to be your personal mentor. Because I love your mom so much.”

Molly laughed. “Because you made so much money off of me.”

“That too, honey. But, we could have been millionaires if you’d stuck with me.”

“Millions?” Taylor was dumbfounded.

“Sure, honey. Your mom was always booked for all the big runway shows. We were in Paris, Rome, and New York every year. She was in high demand.”

Taylor tried to imagine traveling. She turned to her mom. “Will I need ID, a passport? What will I have to do?”

Her mom shook her head. “Those documents will be coming soon. Once you have satisfied a few doctors, the lawyers will follow. Getting an F on your ID is going to be a simple task. I don’t know if you’ll need a passport this summer, but we will apply. And I will make sure mine is up to date, too.”

Taylor took a deep breath and turned back to Marg. She tried on a smile. “Sure, let’s give it a try. As long as no one expects me to do anything I’m uncomfortable with, I’ll be fine.”

Marg smiled. “Welcome aboard, young lady. You’ll look back on this day and your decision with a smile. I’m going to become your favorite person.”

Taylor really wondered what was happening. She’d just bought a bathing suit that fits like a glove and showed all her body covered by a thin layer of spandex. She didn’t look bad. She did feel honest about how she looked. Just as long as the tape stayed in place between her legs.

And now, she just committed to becoming a clothing model where she’d be examined by thousands of people. She wondered what they would see and how they’d react. The worst thing would be people would find out that she’s trans and laugh at her.

While driving home from the mall, Taylor looked at her mom. “Mom, everything is traveling at light speed. Yeah, this afternoon really pushes me out of my shell pretty quickly. A few weeks ago, girl stuff was a dream or a glimmer of hope. And now, in my mind, there’s no turning back. Well, truthfully, I never want to turn back.”

Molly smiled and grabbed her younger daughter’s hand. “Just remember, when the going gets tough, it’s simply challenging your determination to see this through. I know that you’ll get where you want to go and everything is going to be all right. Let’s just pretend that I’ll be your personal genie in the bottle granting your every wish.”

“Oh, mom. I just want everything to match up. I want to be as female outside as I am inside. I want to close my eyes and see myself smiling because I’m whole.”

“Honey, you’ll learn that female is more of a state of mind than what you see in the mirror. I have looked in the mirror all the time, and well, let’s face it. I’m not perfect. But all those flaws make me human, too. My boobs are small, and my butt is flat. I still have a boyish figure after giving birth to you and your sister. But, inside, I love myself because I can still help the two of you and all the people I doctor daily. And well, the modeling business didn’t hire me just to be a coat hangar. I modeled with an attitude and a lot of personalities. When I wore designer clothes, I became the image the designer wanted. I loved playing a part, and that’s what got me more and more offers.”

“Oh, mom. But you were born a female. You could just use your looks as your base. You didn’t have to worry about being revealed. I just don’t have a girl’s body! I lack everything!”

“Well, honey. I don’t want to start with body shaming. Some women never grow breasts; some have mastectomies and scars but no breasts. Some women are heavy, and others can’t seem to put on any weight even when they try. And none of those women should feel bad about themselves.”

Taylor listened carefully and thought about what her mom was saying. “You are so right, and I was really starting to compare myself to Julie or Meredith. And, well, I guess that’s such an insecure girl thing to do. I’m trying hard to see a different perspective.”

“Honey, you have beautiful hair and a cute face. Your body is in proportion, and you look good. Obviously, Andrew saw something that he liked.”

Just the mention of Andrew’s name made her feel warm inside. All she could think about on the ride home was calling him up. When they got home, Taylor went to her room and texted Andrew to set up a FaceTime call. After she sent the text, she sought out her mom.

“Hey, mom. I have this thing to talk to you about. Andrew has a bunch of books to read for his summer reading requirement. Would it be all right with you and dad if he could come over here and do his reading homework with me?

“And what are you going to do when Andrew is reading?”

“Oh, I’ll read, too. I still have a pile of books that you bought me. I promise that we’ll be good.”

“I trust you, Taylor. And I like Andrew a lot. I don’t have a problem with the two of you reading together. But there have to be a few ground rules. Someone has to be here in the house with you. You must read in public parts of the house, and if you go outside, you must stay in the yard.”

She laughed at her mom’s new rules. She smiled as she pretended to be her mom. “Stay, Taylor, stay. Be a good girl. Woof, woof.”

Molly laughed but was very serious. “Ha, ha. Funny. But I want you to keep your clothes on, and I want to observe you when I want. Your father works enough from home that he’ll be in on it, too. I’m going to have him set a timer and come looking for you.”

“Hmm. That doesn’t sound like trust to me.”

“Well, think about it. Just a couple of months ago, you were fourteen, and your new boyfriend is already sixteen. A couple of months ago, you weren’t head over heels in love, either. I have eyes and see just how much you adore him. This infatuation is wonderful, and I’m happy for you. But you are fifteen, and I don’t want you trying to overdo it with Andrew. Kissing is fine, but keeping your clothes on is more important. I don’t want you growing up too fast.”

“Oh, I get it. I understand your point of view and honestly don’t want to do anything that would take away your trust in me. I owe you everything and want to keep that going on. But, well, I love being in his arms, and when he squeezes me tightly, well, it’s pretty awesome. I kinda lose my mind.”

Molly wrapped her arms around her, then squeezed her daughter tightly. “I understand just how overwhelming this has become. But I’m here to ensure that you keep your head and not do anything that might make you regret your actions.”

Taylor smiled. “Uh-huh. But, mom. You offered to be a genie from a bottle to help me come along. You need to know that it’s not a genie who is granting me the magic girl wish. I have a fairy godmother appearing in my dreams while sleeping. And sometimes, she even shows up when I’m awake. What do you think? Am I living in a dream?”

Molly realized that Taylor was telling her the truth. “How long have you had a fairy godmother?”

“A long time. I first talked with her when dad and I built the doll house years ago.”