.

..you're pathetic. What does he see in you anyway, no make-up, flat chested, (She hooked her finger in my shirt and pulled the edge down) well, barely speed bumps, not even a training bra under there." She moved her finger across my chest. "You flat chested bitch, leave him alone, got it? Just stay in yer damned books and don't come out till school's over or you will be."…

The Letter
By
BrandieS

The assembly was filled. Students were busily talking to each other and raising their voices to be heard. The Principal stepped to the podium set up on the left of the stage and spoke into the microphone "Attention, please, May I have your attention please." The large room took some time to quiet down as the students quieted and took their seats. The Principal looked at the assembled students and faculty and guests. His heart was thumping wildly in his chest and his palms were sweaty. This was not the type of assembly he preferred or wanted. Still.

Looking from his notes to the audience, he began to speak in a clear voice. "Today is a bad day for us. Our school and our Community are under attack by members of the media. Several of you have been exposed to this attack and are still reeling from it. There are more attacks to come." He let this sink in, then holding out his hand he continued "I have a letter. I am compelled to read it out loud to all of you after which a copy will be published in the Sunday Newspaper. I read this letter yesterday and was shocked by it. I have consulted the School Board's attorney and have been informed that read it I must. Listen to its contents before you make any comments. Immediately after this assembly, several students and faculty members will be called out to meet with. Well you'll see.

Again the principal looked at the letter in his hand. He had hoped that this was a prank, a joke, but that was not to be. The reality was that this letter had come with a high price, too high a price.

He began to read....."To Whom It May Concern, I was a student of your establishment for the past one and a half years. I was looking forward to excelling in your school and going on to a suitable college. If you are reading this, that dream had ended as I am no longer. I do not forgive you for your transgressions, but I suppose that I'll have to discuss my lack of forgiveness with a Higher Power. I will provide a look into the background of this letter. I hope that you and the students enjoy the drama that they have created. Here is a glimpse of their drama. Enjoy!

"Ok, Class, settle down." This came from Mr. Jobe, the Soc 101, teacher. "Settle down." His was the first class after the Lunch Period and too often the students had residual energy to burn off, either that or they wanted nothing better that to take an after meal nap. Finally most of the students were seated and attendance was being taken. "...Jen Nelson, Jason Richards, Fran Smith, Judy Walsh. That seems to be everyone, then." the instructor said as the door opened and a new person walked in. "May I help you, young man?" The young man in guest ion walked to the desk and passed over a piece of paper. Mr. Jobe read the paper, initialed it and handed it back. Looking at the new person, he turned toward the class and said, "Class, this is Fred Brown, a new student. Let's all welcome Mr. Brown to our class." A chorus of hellos were heard scattered throughout the class. Mr. Jobe looked at the newbie again and stated, "Mr. Brown, this is an advanced Sociology class. The students selected for this class were interviewed last term and were to prepare a summary of their project to be turned in today. Since, you are new here, perhaps, you'd like to..." Mr. Jobe’s voice fell off as the student in front of him handed him a single typed page. Mr. Jobe took the page and quickly read the proposed content. Finishing the page, Mr. Jobe looked up and said, "Well class, it would appear that our new student came prepared for the term, but, well, let me read the proposal....hmmm, here is the pertinent part, 'document the effects of public displays of affection, e.g. kissing, hugging', well that would be interesting Mr. Brown." Then the instructor gave a sly grin and asked, "Care to begin your experiment here?"

Fred Brown was looking at the kids in the room. Boys to one side, girls to the other, the usual seating. In the back, halfway between each group, sat a lone figure. The person had a small face, almost elfish, and long brownish hair framed her face. She had a small upturned nose and pretty lips. Kissable was the word that came to Fred's mind. She had looked up at the instructor as he spoke, but otherwise back down towards her desk. She was fidgeting with her pencil as she sat and waited. While the other kids in the class were talking in whispers to each other, she was silent, almost an outcast. Still, when she looked up, she was DDG.

"Mr. Brown, I said, would you care to start your experiment now." Fred was distracted by the girl and replied, "Uh, Yea." Then with the instructor waving him on, Fred walked between the desks towards the 'girl' in the back. Not hesitating, he reached out a hand and pulled her to her feet. Placing his left hand lightly under her chin, he swiveled her head upward, hearing her gasp. He smiled at her pretty face in reassurance. Chestnut colored hair fell gracefully from a center part to frame her face and cover her tiny ears. The magnificent hair was straight and long, passing her shoulders. The hair in the front covering her developing breast? With a delicate touch, Fred drew the hair from her face, uncovering smooth delicate skin, and a glowing complexion and to his astonishment a bruise on her left cheek as a tear formed at the corner of her eye. Her eyes widened as he looked at her lovely face. 'She' was, despite the bruising, radiant. Sculptures eyebrows set atop two perfect brown eyes and a small nose rested majestically above a set of kissable lips. He was right, she was DDG. Bending slightly at the waist he closed the small distance between her lips with his. As he lightly touched her lips with his, he felt her pull back breaking skin-to-skin contact. He pressed forward once more and was rewarded with an almost electrical jolt coming from the 'girl'. He tasted the freshness of her lips and the aroma of freshened breath. His lips parted slightly and his tongue tickled her ivories to be rewarded with her teeth being opened slightly. Feeling the gates to pleasure open, he continued his tongue attack and was rewarded by the feel of her moist tongue dueling with his. His hand and arm caressed the back of the girl and pulled her close to him. A shock coursed through him as he felt his body and that of the 'girl' flow together as he kissed her firmly on the lips. Fred felt his whole body glow as a mild shock swept through him. The 'girl' was pressing against his crotch with her leg and Fred felt a slight shiver run across her back as he embraced her. He thought he heard her whimper, quietly.

Mr. Jobe watched as the Public Display of Affection (PDA) was carried out. Had he not known better, he would have assumed that he and the class had been set up. But having had Jen Nelson in a previous class, he knew that was not that case although his topic was Gender Ambiguity during Adolescence. However Fred Brown was a new student. This was something different and would bear watching. Today however, he had a class to teach and called for an end to the PDA and resumption of scheduled class activities. "Mr. Brown...Mr. Brown! That's enough. Break it up, you two." Mr. Jobe looked at the faces of the students. As stated each was individually chosen for this class and had a unique mindset. He hoped that two boys kissing would not upset the balance of the class. "I asked you two to break it up. Mr. Brown...it's nice to see that you are comfortable with your homosexuality, I just hope that Jen feels the same."

Fred Brown had not heard the part about homosexuality. He smiled at the elfin face in front of him as he broke the kiss, his right hand caressing her bruised cheek. In that moment he fell into the 'Ring of Fire' that Johnny Cash sang about. 17 Year olds are not supposed to fall head over heels in love with anybody and not love at first sight. But it was the sight of the waif like creature that stole his heart and soul. At that moment Fred would willingly give up everything for this girl and to be her protector. A girl this DDG should not be bruised or tarnished in any way. As for the kiss, Fred could only imagine a second, more lingering one.

'What the hell was that?' Jen Nelson thought. 'I'm being attacked by this Gay Boy, shit.' Instead he said, "Listen, uh, buddy, I'm not GAY." He quickly sat down trying to hide his embarrassment. Truth was he liked the kiss. A lot. Jen had never kissed anyone other than his mother and other female family members till today. At 14 he was just not interested in the opposite sex. He talked to girls as needed, but didn't go out of his way to get to know any of them, neither was he curious about boys. He just wasn't interested. In point of fact, he never got 'hard' or never had a 'wet dream' something he heard about from the other boys and to hear them talk it was messy and hurt, too. During his last school Physical Exam, the doctor commented on his apparent lack of growth in that department and had asked some embarrassing questions. Questions Jen couldn't answer. At just 14 years old he had not dated and was considered a loner even by boys and girls in lower grades. His grades were good, A+, and he stayed out of trouble, as much as possible. At lunch, he sat by himself when he ate and reviewed for his afternoon classes or read. He wasn't picked on, much, but that could change and probably would.

Fred heard the titters of laughter from several members of the class. He turned red at the sound. "Uh, look, I, uh, I just needed to kiss a pretty girl, you know for the experiment. You really are a pretty girl. Oh, and I'm glad you're not gay." He could feel several pairs of eyes staring at him. He turned to take an empty seat and sat down. He tried to pay attention during the class, but his mind kept replaying the kiss. It had been so wonderful. God, that 'girl' could kiss. His mind was so tuned to the kiss that he did not hear the comments from the other students. Mutterings and snippets of conversations could barely be distinguished, but were there to a well trained ear.

"Too, bad the new guy's a fag." This from the big guy in the third row window. "He'll learn."

"Always wondered about Jen." Muttered a girl in a Cheer Leader uniform. “You go girl!”

"I guess another lesson's needed for smarty-pants" This from several.

"I think I need to change my panties." The Brunette in the second row said to her friend.

"Wish he'd kiss me like that." Second seat fourth row, she was a petite girl that spent her time reading Harlequin Romances.

"Hey, fag." whispered a boy by the window "Kiss this." He brandished a fist at Jen.

"Shit, I'm gonna get screwed over more, now." This from Jen. "Jerk!" All of this said under his breath as he tried to hide from the view of his classmates. He felt their eyes on him and desperately waited for the bell. At least he would be in an other class and this mess would be behind him for a while. Then there was Friday, maybe they'd just forget everything overnight. It could happen, right? Worst was going home. Somehow his mom would know what happened.

Fred Brown was waiting for the bell, too. He wanted to explain. How was he supposed to know who was popular who was not? Besides this 'girl' was DDG as far as he was concerned, and that kiss. He wanted more.

The door slammed loudly announcing the arrival of Jen, home from school at last. The days were getting cooler and shorter. The winter breaks would be here providing the only relief in the uphill battle of schooling. Jen, and all the other Jen's, couldn't wait for school to let out, but that was a year away at the least. Even with advanced placement classes, Jen had almost one more years to go, then College. Being in the 10th grade was not easy. Gangs, drugs, sex, violence, you name it. Jen knew that being kissed in class was a death knell for his social future. His only hope were the extension courses that he was taking. If they get approved by the school board, he could get his graduation certificate as early as age 15.

"Hi, Honey, how was your day?" This from Jen's mom, Shelly, as she greeted Jen. She hadn't even looked at him, so ritualistic was this greeting. Jen just grunted his usual reply and ran upstairs to his room. He pulled open a dresser drawer and extracted an article of clothing and headed for the bathroom. An additional item added to his end of school ritual. Several minutes later a refreshed Jen grabbed his after school items and pounded down the stairs into the kitchen, straight away for the fridge.

Mom's have two names for their children, Honey and Sweetie. It doesn't matter if the child is a boy or a girl, the names are the same. The only time a mom uses your Christian name, you know you are in trouble. Little kids get used to being called either Honey or Sweetie. By the time they get to be 10 or 11, boys want to be called something else. Especially if you are out in public with your parents. At this point it's equally notable that Dad's call their kids 'hey you' individually and 'you kids' as a group. It keeps things easy for them. So, I was called either Honey or Sweetie and learned to accept it. What made the matter worse was my size. I am small, only 4 feet 11 inches and weigh 97 pounds and because of the way I look, I get treated like a girl most of the time. At 14 years old I'm in the 10th Grade and I'm scared. The last two years at school had been hard, not the studies, the other kids. See, I missed a grade. I got to the first week of 4th Grade and I was pulled out and put into the 5th Grade. That made me the littlest kid there in size and age. Let me tell you, it's no fun missing a grade. Everyone gives you the evil eye. It also don't help if you are small, smart and have an eidetic memory. The big/normal kids just don't care. You are poaching in their turf and they let you know, fast. Somehow your books fall on the ground, you loose your homework, things like that. Then there's the not being picked at recess and when you are picked its cause the other kids want to give you the ball so they can jump on you and not get in trouble. So, your dopey teacher makes you join a team and you get creamed. You go home sore, maybe even black and blue. The only kids in the class that like you, won't talk to you. These were the kids that were picked on before you got there and now they are left alone. Some of them pick on you and the rest just pull back. It's brutal. There is one saving factor. If you're small and depending on your name, everyone thinks you are a girl. Luckily, Jen is one of them names. Heck, except for dresses, most school boys and girls dress alike until they get to Middle School. When viewed playing together, it's hard to tell the boys from the girls.

So, that's been my school life in a nut shell for the past years. Teased and tormented by classmates and physically abused when they can get away with it. Now, 1 or 2 more years at the most, unless I get my extra classes first, then I'm on to other things. Mom and Dad couldn't be more pleased. To hear them talk it's "Public school will help you get along with people your own age and learn valuable lessons in life. Lessons we, your parents, cannot teach you." It sounds like a press release for the 6 O’clock news. I just hope that I can get past that crap in the Sociology class. Course, I gotta admit, after the initial shock, the kiss was great. Maybe too great if my underpants were any indication.

Ever since Jen was small, he had been often mistaken for and treated like a girl. Part of the mistakes were due to his name, James Edgar Nelson, part were due to his looks. His initials formed the word JEN and it was his brother that gave him his nick-name and perpetuated its usage. Jen's brother also called Jen 'Sis' in public, partly because of his name and partly because of his looks and partly to embarrass his little brother and discourage Jen from trailing behind him. As for his looks, his hair was long, even for a girl and everything about it that looked so feminine, add fine features, a clear sweet high voice and lack of Adam's apple and he was often confused as a girl. And yes, he did try short hair, but it just grew out almost as fast as he could keep it cut. But it was his hands that told the tale. Jen's mother was strict about clean hands and at an early age, Jen learned to keep his hands clean and neat. He did get them dirty, but whenever in the house, his hands were the embodiment of personal hygiene. Long slender fingers leading to well shaped nails and well maintained cuticles were noted by store clerks and cashiers as Jen paid for purchases and received receipts. Several stock boys had fantasized, more that once, at having those graceful hands rub over a certain part of their anatomy and kissing those pretty lips. Had Jen known, this would have upset him greatly. He tolerated being mistaken as a girl, but didn't have to like it.

Whenever he left the safety of his house, he made sure to look as boyish as possible. Jen thought his boyish look was 'the bomb'; no one ever told him it was 'the dud'. People of all ages just smiled at his 'Tomboy' antics. Every person he met had similar thoughts 'She's gonna be a heart breaker' or 'She'll grow out of the Tomboy phase', or even more graphic. Jen never knew. Combine that with his academic prowess and he spelled trouble, meaning that he was the fall guy for gags and stunts, too often resulting in some form of physical humiliation for him. As far as his classmates knew, he was fair game for all, boys and girls. After today, the girls elevated him to the top of their list. The irony was that for the reasons he was elevated to the top of the girls list, several boys decided to just ignore him, while others were looking at him in a new light. Time would prove that ignoring Jen was the only way some of the boys could deal with their adolescent sexuality.

Examining the contents of the fridge, Jen selected a fruit drink and some cheese sticks. Armed with this bounty, he sat at the table and began his homework. His mom watched as he performed this act. She was glad to see Jen not put off this task. She wished her other son was more studious, but having one scholar was still one more than none. It's not that Walter was a bad student; he just didn't have the same aptitude as Jen. Still, Walter was in his last year and would be joining the work force soon enough. Jen had a bright academic future ahead of him, of that she was sure. Engrossed in watching her youngest, she was momentarily caught off guard by the arrival home of her oldest.

Walter bound in like he was perusing something only to be halted in his tracks. His mother smiled and said "Hello, Jack. Glad you're home. You boys do your homework and I'll start supper." Greeting given and instructions issued, she left the room to the boys. Jack put his books on the table as Jen continued to work.

Jack's given name is Walter Ira Nelson and he is 3 years older than Jen and one of Jen's difficulties in school. Dad wanted Jen to attend public school instead of private school, citing that Jack would be around to help out if Jen had any problems. What Dad didn't know was that Jack was one of the problems. Jack persisted in calling Jen 'Sis' at school and playing pranks on Jen. Now he is a Senior and will graduate in the spring. As to his future, well it's uncertain at this time. Although athletic, but not a gifted athlete, nor an honor student, choices will be few for him. That his younger brother, Jen, will go to a good college is a given and although he wants good things for his brother, he is still an older brother and comes with all the required foibles. He looked up at Jen and smirked.

"Uh, what's that, Wally?" Jen quipped. His brother didn't like the name 'Wally', especially after seeing those re-runs of the old TV series. Instead he liked to be called 'Jack'. It was cooler, because it was the nick name of a famous actor, the mean guy from the movie 'City Slickers', Jack Palance. It seemed that his first name is Walter, so of course any real boy would rather be called 'Jack' like the actor 'Jack Palance'.

Jack grimaced at the name and said "Oh, I met a new guy today. Interesting kid and did he have a wild story to tell. Wow!"

Jen looked down at his homework and replied "Probably another dork."

"Time will tell, Jen. Time will tell." Jack smiled and continued, "Anyhow, I invited him over Saturday. Thought we'd hang out, show him around and he could tell me bout his new girlfriend. Geesh, guys just got here and scored a major hottie." There was envy in his voice as this was said.

Not to leave an opening, Jen said "Why don't cha ask Mom if you can transfer to another school, then you'll be the new guy and maybe then you'll find a hot girl. NOT!"

Jack smiled at his brother, but said nothing. The boys got busy with their homework and getting ready for dinner.

Conversation during dinner was the usual, school, work, volunteering, and plans for the future. "So, Jen, Jack, anything new happen today?" Mom asked.

"Well, I met this new guy, Fred, and I invited him around Saturday. If that's ok." Walter started. He was looking at me and smiled. 'What was on his mind?' I thought.

Mom looked at me and asked if I had anything to share. "Um, no, nothing, boring day, another one tomorrow. The usual." I said.

Jack asked "Hey, anything happen in that Honors class you're taking?" He gave me a weird smile.

I took his bluff and replied, "Why shucks no, Wally, even Eddie was a good boy." I got my lick in.

"Mom, tell doofus here not to call me Wally."

Before mom could get a word in, I said "Well Wally, it is your name."

"You boy's behave. Why couldn't I have had at least one girl? Maybe we'd get some piece around here. I give up. Just finish your dinner and scrape your plates." Mom's attention turned to the meal on the table. I stuck my tongue out at Wally and smiled. He, of course, made a gesture at me. Mom ignored us for the rest of the meal.

Plates in the dishwasher, I went to my room and as I passed by Jack's room he called me inside. I took the offered seat and asked "What's up?"

He grinned and said "Why didn't you tell me about that fox in your Honor's class?"

"Like I know a fox. Duh!" I replied.

He looked at me and grinned, then continued "Fred said she was some kisser. He's wild about her and you don't even know a girl in your class. That's dumb, bro."

"Look, jerk, I go to class because I have to, not want to. Ok? Besides, most of those freaks are older and bigger than me and just barely tolerate me. So how would I know this supposed fox? Let alone talk to her. Right?"

Jack had to smile at my logic "Guess you're right. Maybe Fred’ll get her stuff tomorrow and we can like call her Saturday." He had a plan and I had to leave his room. I said goodnight and started out the door as he added "Uh, he did say that she had a bruise on her face." He chucked at that.

I wanted to scream. I needed a plan. There was a girl named Mary Jane that always picked on me. I knew her private number (It's a long story, maybe later.) and I could tell Fred I was her and give him that number. He'd get a lead and I'd get lost. When he saw me next, he'd know he'd been had and hopefully leave me alone. It should work. That's what I'd do. As for Saturday, I'd be up and be gone early, coming back late. I knew there was a thing at the Museum and then some time at the library to finish up some extra credit courses. I just had to graduate early. Maybe December.

Back in my bedroom, I put on clean pajamas and went to bed. As I drifted off, I could feel lips touch mine and a tongue gently probe my mouth. I allowed my mouth to open wider and felt my body respond to the kiss. Gosh, he smelled good and his skin was smooth, no beard or acne, his smile was terrific and those eyes. Arms held me firmly, caressing my back and supporting me at the same time. I felt safe in those arms and felt myself responding to the embrace. My nipples hardened and I felt a tingling in my lower tummy that spread over my body. I was breathing deeply, memorizing his scent, as heat overtook my body. It was the best feeling ever. Then I felt something warm, wet and sticky and set up in bed. "Darn, what happened?" I said out loud. I turned on the lamp and saw that the front of my pajamas was all wet. 'Did I pee myself? I wondered. I went to the bathroom and took off the wet stuff and saw some whitish stuff on my privates. I washed it off and put my dirty clothes in the hamper. Checking the clock, I saw it was close to the time to get up so I started my shower. The day had begun. Friday.

I tried to keep an even lower profile in the halls. Several kids pointed at me and to my shock, some even said "Hi." One girl even asked me to sit at her table during lunch. Now, I was scared. I went to my first class and tried to hide. Second class was, ok, except for the pop quiz and I was glad that it kept the other kids busy. I just filled out the test and handed it back in. I used the rest of the time to study. Third period was PE and I just went to the Library. The Coach and I had an agreement, I tutored his daughter and I got by on PE. It's not like it was a secret. All the kids and teachers knew. I tutored her in the Library because she didn't want to be seen near me out of school. Works for me. Then came History and it was the same. I had to take this lame course because it was required by the State. Next was lunch and I ignored the invite and sat by myself as usual. I saw a few kids looking at me and I tried to make myself look small. I just ignored the too loud comments.
“Little Miss Stuck-up.”
“Bitch.”
After lunch, I had an Advanced Studies class and that was ok. Next was the class I was dreading, Soc 101. I entered and took my seat. I tried to appear inconspicuous, but I guess I failed. I was just sitting low in my desk when the new kid, Fred came up to me.

"Hi." His face had a thousand watt smile.

"Hi." I barely replied barely above a whisper.

"Uh, I looked for you in the halls, but didn't see you. Can I walk you to your next class?" His eyes were eager. Lucky for me, Mr. Jobe called for everyone to take their seat. Unlucky for me, there was a vacancy next to me. Crud. I tried to make myself small again and un-noticeable. It didn't work. A few guys threw paper at me and even some of the girls could be heard making comments. The one that scared me most was "What's she got that I ain't got?" I was sure I heard a pretty brunette in the next row say that. I hope she was talking about some girl, but the way she saw looking at me made me worry. Little did I know, it was gonna get worse. I just watched the clock for the bell. It rang and I sprang out of my seat and headed for the door. I was caught by the brunette, Paula, and her friends and pulled into the girls’ restroom.

"Listen, Bitch. I want that boy and I aim to get him. Got it?" Paula pushed me against the wall and was poking her finger in my chest. "God, look at you, you're pathetic. What does he see in you anyway, no make-up, flat chested, (She hooked her finger in my shirt and pulled the edge down) well, barely speed bumps, not even a training bra under there." Paula moved her finger across my chest. "You flat chested bitch, leave him alone, got it? Just stay in yer damned books and don't come out till school's over or you will be." I could only nod 'Yes'. She smiled then said "Get out of my sight." I ran for the door as the girl and her friends laughed. I made it to my Physics class barely on time. 'Come on bell!' I mentally pleaded.

I wasn't listening to the teacher and he noticed by saying "Jen, I asked what is the Ideal Gas Law governing the use of gases in a pressurized environment. Please pay attention and give us the answer."

Red faced I said "Uh, Boyles Law and the formula is P1 at V1 equals P2 at V2, For a fixed amount of an ideal gas kept at a fixed temperature, P [pressure] and V [volume] are inversely proportional (while one increases, the other decreases)

The teacher smiled and continued "Now can anyone tell us some practical applications of Boyles Law?" He surveyed the class as I zoned out again. This was another lame class. The teacher had actually fought to keep me out of his class. He cited my age and immaturity. When that did not work, he said that I'd never be able to get past the Math needed. He went so far as to petition the School Board in a Redress of Grievances. The School Board informed him that by my taking the class, it would allow the overall testing scores to remain at a higher level. I had been recruited to a private school nearby, but my parents thought that I was better off in public school. Also my brother was there to help me if I needed it.

"Come on bell."

"What was that, Jen?" I must have said that out loud and the teacher heard me. Crud. Quickly I said "Diving Bell."

The teacher smiled and said "Can Anyone else give me an example?" I slumped into my seat waiting for the bell. Finally, the bell did ring and I was for home.

Coming in the door I was greeted by Mom as usual. "How was your day, Honey?" Sometimes I think she didn't hear my reply.

"Oh, Ok, I guess." I headed for the fridge and a snack.

"Jen, Honey, don't eat too big of a snack, you're Dad's gonna take us out to dinner. He'll be here at six, sharp. Oh, and Wa..Jack's friend, Fred, is coming along, too."

I stopped what I was doing and turned to face Mom. "Uh, I thought that he was coming over tomorrow?"

"You're brother called earlier and asked if Fred could come over and spend the night, seems his parents have to do some stuff with their old house and this way Fred will be chaperoned. Jack went with Fred, after school, to help get the things he might need for the night and tomorrow. Oh and Dad said he has a surprise for you." Mom was smiling and I was in shock. This was not gonna work.

"Going to my room, Mom." I said as I was leaving the kitchen. Up in my room, I threw myself on my bed and wondered what the heck I was gonna do. 'Think, smarty pants'. I was looking around my room, when I caught sight of that hair dye I got for Halloween. I was gonna use a temporary dye to color my hair and go out as a Goth. I had the clothes, black pants, shirt and shoes, plus some magnetic earrings and jewelry. Mom put a stop to that and instead I went out as a Pirate, like Johnny Depp. Still, I had the stuff and thought 'Hmmm, maybe this would work.'

"Mom, where's that hair clipper set dad got?"

"Uh, in the downstairs utility closet. Why?"

"Just wondering."

I went to the utility room and found the clipper set and returned to my room. I thought about cutting my hair. I didn't want to but I didn't have a choice. If Fred saw me, he know who I was and I'd really be in trouble, to say nothing about Wally. I'd never hear the end of it. I picked up the clippers and plugged them in and turned them on.

"Just what do you think you're doing James Edgar Nelson. Turn those clipper off right this minute and put them down." Mom sounded angry and confused. Jen did as told and sagged against the bed, his head hung low. "You wanna tell me what you're trying to do?"

"I, uh, ..I, that is." Jen stopped. He raised his face to look at his mom and a tear fell from his eyes.

Seeing her youngest in such a state was tough on the loving mother and she closed the distance to her son and pulled him into an embrace. "Come on, Jen, tell Mom what's wrong. Why do you want to cut your hair off? And don't tell me you weren't because we both know the truth. Is this something your brother cooked up?" Hearing this made Jen sob quietly against his mother. "Come on, Honey, it can't be that bad. Can it?"

Jen wiped at the tears with the back of his hands and said "It's that boy Fred, he...."

"What's Jack's friend got to do with this? You don't even know him, do you?"

"Uh, it's, uh, he's, uh, in my Soc 101 Class and ..." Jen's voice trailed off.

"Come on, tell me." consoled his mother.

"He, uh, ...I can't say it."

"Sure you can, Honey, it's not that hard. Come on now, tell Mom all about it. Did he hurt you?"

Still crying, I told mom. "He kissed me."

"He what? Did you say Kissed you?" Mom asked.

I nodded my head 'Yes', then added "He thinks I'm a girl!" My sobbing had returned.

Mom was chuckling and said "Oh, not that. Well you are pretty. He must have great taste, huh?"

I looked up at her and she smiled, then I said "Yea, he does, taste good too." Mom saw the look in my eyes as I said that and I reddened causing her to chuckle more.

"Honey, I know it's personal and I'm not gonna get mad or anything, but are you, uh, ...you know?" She asked quietly almost not wanting the answer.

I had to think about it and then I looked at her and smiled "I don't think so, Mom. It was just different. He said I was a pretty girl after he kissed me and when he smiled at me I felt like a pretty girl, too. I'm just confused, that's all. Sometimes I just wish..." My voice trailed off.

Mom looked up and asked "Wish what, Jen? You said that sometimes you wished...wished what?

"Nothing, Mom, nothing." I answered, eyes downcast.

Mom smiled and said "Well, he got part right anyway, even for a boy, you are pretty. Now go wash your face and then you, young man, come see me in the kitchen and we'll talk some more over a nice cup of tea, well tea for me, something else for you.." She got up and left the room. I went to wash my face.

I went to the bathroom and washed up. As I was scrubbing my hands I looked at my reflection. I had that bruise on my left cheek from where that girl slapped me a week ago. Other than that I saw myself. Nothing fancy. Oh, well. I finished drying my hands and went down stairs. Mom had her tea and I got a glass of juice. We, each, sat and sipped hoping for a miracle, at least I was. "Honey, I've got an idea. Dad wants to take you to dinner, so we'll let Jack stay here with his new friend. That'll give us time to think and talk to your Dad. Jack won't mind ordering Pizza, he likes it anyway. Well, what do you think?" Mom smile up at me.

"Uh, Ok, sure. I'll stay in my room till dad gets here, then just go out to the car when it's time. If Jack has to go get the Pizza, it would be even better. Uh, does he know about dad wanting to go out to Dinner?"

"Yea Jen, I told him. He made the usual noises then told me about his new friend. It'll be ok." Again Mom smiled. Sometimes I thought her face would break.

Mom leaned forward and asked my quietly "Jen, upstairs you said 'Sometimes I just wish', wish what , Honey?"

I turned my head away, I couldn't look at her. Tears filled my eyes and I started bawling. I threw myself at mom said "I'm sorry, Mommy. I didn't mean it! I take it back. Please don't get mad at me and not love me." My breath was ragged and the tears were flowing down my face.

"Honey, Jen. Calm down, what are you talking about. Of course I love you. You're my baby." Mom was holding me as I cried.

"I didn't mean it. I love you, Mommy. I'm sorry, soooo sorry." I wailed.

Mom held me by my shoulders and said "Jen, stop it now. This instant. What on God's green earth are you talking about. Sorry for what?"

I tried to slow my breathing, but got the hic-ups and said "I (hic) I prayed that (hic) that God would change (hic) me, you (hic) know, so I wouldn't (hic) have to be a (hic) dumb boy anymore." (hic)

Mom looked at me and asked "Let me get this right, you asked God to make you a girl?"

I nodded 'Yes'

Mom smiled and said "Oh, Honey, what am I gonna do with you? I knew you were having problems, but are they really that bad?"

"I uh, (hic) thought th (hic) at the kids would (hic) like me (hic) better, if I was (hic) a girl." Mom just held me and rocked me in her lap.

The quiet deepened as Mom held me. My crying went from loud wails to softer noises with the occasional sniffle. Mom held me as I tried to calm down, finally saying "You know Jen, you would make a pretty girl. Maybe we should talk to dad about it. See what he thinks and maybe he can help, too." Good old optimistic Mom.

I sniffled and said "(Sniff) Do ya (sniff) really think (sniff) that dad needs to know? I don't want him (sniff) to get mad at me." Mom just held me and chuckled.

I don't know how long we sat like that. Mom was shaking my shoulder and said "Honey? Jen? Go on upstairs and clean up, put on some clean clothes so you can be ready for your daddy. Your brother's here and I tell him what we're doing tonight." As I ran upstairs to my room, I heard my brother introduce Fred to Mom.

I took a quick shower and changed clothes. Mom had set out a change for me. The usual underwear, small boy's bikini briefs, a pair of Tan pants (Khakis) and a pull-over shirt with a rounded collar, sox and shoes completed the outfit. I brushed my hair and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I could hear Jack talking to Fred about school and moving to our town. Then I heard Jack ask Fred the question. "Uh, Fred, like who's this hot chick, you keep talking about. Like do you got her name and number, even?" I was afraid to hear the answer and hurried back to my bedroom.

My mistake was falling and yelling in pain. I tripped over some books and hit my head against my bed frame. I cut my head on the sharp corner and was bleeding all over. Hey, I didn't know that head wounds bleed a lot. I thought I was dying. I thought I heard someone say "That's just Jen doing something dumb again. Don't worry, long as the connecting door is closed, you won't have to see 'em."

Mom came charging up stairs and into my room. She stopped when she saw the blood and said "What happened, Honey?"

I told her what I did and she helped me up and to the bathroom. She cleaned my head and put a bandage on it then called Dad. He checked me over and suggested that I be taken to the Hospital ED. I had to change my shirt before Mom would let me go. Dad carried me downstairs and out to the Van. Mom sat in the back holding me as dad drove to the Hospital. At the ED, I was signed in and we sat and waited. Finally after about an hour, we were taken to a small cubicle and someone took off the homemade bandage and looked at my cut. It hurt! The examiner gave Mom a piece of paper and we went to the Radiology Department to wait some more. My name was called and I went with a girl to a different room. She told me to sit on the table and began fussing with some stuff. She did this for a few minutes, then turned to me and asked "Hon, you're not pregnant are you?"

I turned red and said "Uh, I'm a boy."

It was her turn to turn red and she said "Well, you got me. I'd a never known. You look so perfect, as a girl I mean. Sorry."

"That's ok, lotsa people think I'm a girl. Don't know why." She raised her eyebrows at that.

"Ok, put your head here, hold it, don't move and..." she pressed a button and a beep sounded, "Ok, you can move. Turn facing this way, don't move, hold it." another beep sounded. "Good, let's just check them and that'll be it. Any questions?" She was smiling as she said this.

I lowered my head and quietly asked "Uh, why did you think I was a girl?"

She walked over to me and raised my chin with her hand. "Look, I didn't mean nothing. It's just that you are so petite and everything. You carry yourself like a girl and even talk and sound like a girl. Now let me ask you, how old are you?"

"Fourteen."

"Gotta girl friend?"

"No."

"Want one?"

"I don't know."

"Ever been kissed?"

I turned bright red at this and she asked "Like it?" I nodded my head 'Yes'. Again she continued "Did she?"

"Uh, ah, I, ah.." I stammered.

"Come on, out with it, did she like it?"

Again I reddened and turned away from her. She let out a gasp and said "It was a boy, wasn't it? Are you Gay?"

I said "No, I’m not Gay and yes I liked it, but he thought I was a girl. He called me pretty." I wondered why I was telling her this.

She held my hand and said "We need to talk." She wrote something on a piece of paper and handed it to me saying "Call me. Please. It's important." She picked up the 'head shots' and we went back to the waiting room. The ‘films’ were handed to my dad and we went back to the cubicle in the ED. The examiner put them over a lighted box and then turned back to us. “Just a bad laceration, uh cut, a couple of staples and you’ll be right as rain, well after the staples are removed, that is. Now lay down on the table and I’ll get the stapler.” The examiner smiled and left the cubicle to be back quickly. “Hold still.” The stapler made a click and then there was another click. A large band-aid was placed over the staples and I was told I cold go. My parents were give some instructions and we headed home.

Mom said to stop on the way home to get something to eat and dad obeyed. At home, I went to my room and got ready for bed. I had just finished brushing my teeth when mom came in with some pills for me, Tylenol. I took the pills and started to lie down, but mom pulled off my shirt and pants. She handed me a t-shirt and I pulled it over my head, with help from mom. I lay back on the pillow and went to sleep.

Mom was sitting by my bed when I woke up. I could see the clock and it was about 11:30 PM. I didn't want to wake her, so I was careful walking to the bathroom. I was a little dizzy and had to sit to pee. I stood up and pulled up my underpants and flushed, then washed my hands. As I was leaving the room, the connecting door opened. I didn't even hesitate, I scrambled for my bed. I knew if my brother saw me like this, he'd pick on me. He always did whenever he saw my underwear. He called them 'girl's panties' and said that Mom bought them for me because I was really a girl, not like him. He wore those big boxer style things. I went back to bed, my head hurt and I was still dizzy. I didn't know that the eyes following me belonged to Fred. I went back to sleep.

Fred, too, finished up in the bathroom and went back into Jack's room. Jack was leaning against the side of his bed a game controller in his hand. He turned to Fred and said "Yo, your turn. Beat that." Fred took his controller and moved his figure in a series of leaps and loops and crazy moves on the screen. Seeing his score beaten, Jack continued "You wanna do more or call it?"

Fred looked around and said "What else you got?"

Jack pointed to the shelf and said "Take a look, you pick."

Fred got off the floor and went to the shelf. There was a wide assortment of games amid the usual stuff. There was also a picture of Jack with a girl. Fred picked up the pic and turned on the nearby lamp. In the picture was Jack and a pretty girl, the same girl Fred had kissed, standing in front of a cabin. Wow, his new friend knew the girl of his dreams. He had to play it cool and not spook Jack. They might be going steady or something. "Umm, Jack, who's the chick?" He pointed to the picture.

Jack smiled. There was no chick, but instead said to Fred "Oh, you mean Jen?"

“Jen?” asked Fred.
"Yea, my doofus brother.”

“Huh, brother, looks like a chick to me.” Fred stated.

Jack just shook his dead and said “Yea, people always say that ‘bout him. Does kinda look like a girl though. Heck even I call him “Sis”, gets him real mad, too.” Jack smiled. Jack figured if Fred would go along with it, then he'd play a joke on his brother, maybe his biggest ever, then pointing with his arm raised and pointing behind him, he said "Next room, probably asleep. Took a nose dive earlier and got an owie. Mom's babying 'im as usual, Why?"

Fred had to think fast, but he was tired and lamely said "Just curious, didn't know you had sibs." Fred hoped that would work, but Jack didn't say anything else about the picture and he put it back. "Hey, I don't see anything I wanna play. Guess I'll hit the sack, kinda tired." He folded on the floor in a pile of blankets and watched as Jack hit the sheets. Soon only the sound of breathing was heard in the room as both boys fell asleep smiling.

Fred rolled over and groaned. He opened his eyes and looked around, not recognizing his whereabouts. Then hearing snores, he remembered Jack's house. He was awake and had to pee. Out of the blankets, he stood and headed for the bathroom. There was a night light that provided enough illumination for this tie of the day, err morning. He washed his hands and looked around. The other door was ajar and he crept over to it and peeked in to the room on the other side. He could make out a shape on the bed and see it move slightly.

He accidentally pushed open the door wider and looked in. Just the shape in the bed, no one else. He listened for a moment the turned to go back to sleep when he heard "I'm sorry, Mommy. I didn't mean it! I take it back. Please don't get mad at me." followed by the sound of crying. Now Fred was torn. If this was a boy like Jack said about the kid in the picture and he had his doubts then he needed to play it off. On the other hand if it really was the pretty girl he had kissed, he wanted so very much to go to her and comfort her. Still, did she even know he was here and if not, he could get in a lot of trouble. Hanging his head, Fred went back to his warm blankets fighting back his own tears.

The sun was well up when Jen awoke. First things first, to the bathroom and pee. Jen had to sit again as the dizziness made standing difficult. Jen looked at how he was dressed and back in his room pulled on a pair of jean shorts and flip-flops. Not even worrying about his hair he went downstairs. "Mom, Mom.” He called out to hear a response.

"In the kitchen Jen." the reply sounded cheery. "Thought you was gonna sleep the day away. Now that you're up, your dad wants to talk to you. He's in his study. Oh, get yourself something to eat and drink and take it in. It'll be ok."

With some apprehension Jen fixed a snack and drink then carried them into the study. He stopped at the door to catch his breath. "Uh, Dad, ah, you, uh, wanted to talk to me?"

“Jen, come on in and find a seat. Just wanna see how you’re doing and what’s going on lately.” Mr. Nelson sounded upbeat.
Jen and his dad talked for half an hour, each catching the other up on their lives. Finally Mr. Nelson said “Look, Jen, I know you’re not happy at public school and I was thinking that maybe I should pull you out. Whadda ya think? Maybe go to that private school? Huh?”

Jen looked at his dad and grimaced. “Uh, Daddy, is ,is, is this about what I said to Mommy? I’m sorry. I tole her I was sorry.” He was sobbing as he spoke.

“Oh, Jen, we love you and NO it’s not about what you said. Your Mom and I talked and we think that maybe you need to see a counselor or therapist, something. We knew you were having troubles and just hoped that you’d get over them. The problem is not yours, but one we, your Mom and I , created.”

“Ok, daddy, I’ll see a Shrink or whatever you think. I love you, too.”

I left the room feeling; I don’t know, guilty? I went to my room and finished my homework, worked on my Soc 101 paper and read. Dinner was take-out and I ate a little and then it was back to my room and sleep. Fred had left sometime during the day and I had not had to see or talk to him. Jack was being his usual self and Sunday was yet to come.

Light was shining in my eyes as I got out of bed; first the bathroom and a pee, then a shower. Sunday meant church when Dad was home and I dressed for the occasion. I wish I hadn’t gone to church. To think that a so-called man of God could spout such stuff was amazing. It was something that would be expected from a hard-line religion, but Episcopal, no. The condemnation I felt in that building was horrible. Ironic as it seems, my tears only earned me praise from some of the church goers. Praise that accompanied comments such as “That’s right son, them queers is going to Hell.” or “Don’t shed a tear for them kind of people. God don’t.” I wanted to shout at them and remind them that Mary Magdalene had been a Prostitute prior to meeting Jesus. I felt worse than ever. Luckily Sunday passed and Monday arrived.

I went to school as usual. What was not usual was Fred met me a few blocks from school and walked with me. “Uh, I, ah, that is” He began.

“Look, Fred, its ok. You made a mistake. Just let it go.”

“I can’t.” There was hurt in his eyes. “I can’t. I, ah, I” again he faltered.

“Just let it go. Go for a real girl. They all want you. Get a life.” I walked faster.

Fred caught up to me and grabbed my arm spinning me around “That’s just it; I talked to my mom Sunday and told her everything. You’re not going to believe this, but I love you. And another thing, you are a girl to me.”

I turned back around to hide my tears and walked towards school. Fred hurried to catch up and as he got by my side, he took my free hand in his. This time we both stopped and turned to face each other. I could feel the force of the connection between us and from the look on his face, he could too. I dropped my books and closed the gap between us as I turned up my face to his and kissed him. His response was immediate and passionate. Again I felt his tongue dance with my tongue. Some kids cheered and others made rude noises as we kissed. I heard a few “You go girl.” and “Get a room.” Unfortunately I felt the worst of the comments as we were shoved by some of the Jocks as they said “Listen Fags, not here, not now, not ever. Your days are numbered.” Then grabbing me by the arm, I was shook like a toy as the jock said “I tole you a while back, you fag, that someday your ass was gonna be mine. Me and my friends will be watching you.” He threw me down and sauntered off.

Fred started after them, but I put a hand on his arm for him to stop. I picked up my books and Fred got his and we continued to school. I felt like I was on top of the world. Maybe God does answer prayers. Most of the kids around had called me 'girl’ and I has kissed a boy, who thought I was a 'pretty girl', who knew. The day flew by and the week passed. Looking back I now realize that it was the inevitable 'Calm before the storm'. I was somewhat accepted as a Girl. Even the girl that had been mean to me seemed nicer. Wally, however was Wally and gave me crap about everything. I reminded him that he started the 'Girl' business and now it was too late for him to change is mind. Who'd believe him? Wally was nothing if not sincere. This time his joke backfired and I came out ahead, I thought.

Saturday I met Fred at the Mall and we went to a movie. There were not a lot of people in the theater and we had good seats. The movie started and we watched while loosely holding hands. We didn't see Paula and the Jock squad come in. They took seats around us, but not too close. It wasn't till the end of the movie that they made themselves known. We started for the exit and they blocked the way. We were shoved to one of the side exits and pushed out. The exit opened in a service alley, the kind with dumpsters and trash heaps in it. "Listen, Fag, I tole you that you were gonna get it." The lead Jock said

"Why don't you just leave us alone? We're not bothering you." Fred stated.

"The Fag bothers me, and you do to. Hanging out with a fag means that you gotta be one, right?" His cronies voiced their agreement.

Fred just said "She's not a Fag. She's a girl."

Paula stepped up and said "A girl, Huh?" she grabbed my shirt and ripped it off exposing my chest. "Not much girl there." She laughed.

The jocks laughed at this and replied "Well, if she is a girl, show us more."

"Huh, show what?" Fred asked. I was too scared to say anything.

"Her, you know, pussy. If she's a girl then show us."

"No, that’s not right. You outta your mind?"

"I'll show you outta my mind." saying that the lead jock hit Fred in the stomach, doubling him over, then turned to his squad and said "Take care of the punk, then we'll have some fun with the 'GIRL'."

The squad punched and kicked Fred, then tossed him in a dumpster. I was really afraid as they advanced on me. The lead jock grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back, then said "Now, let's see 'Is it a girl or is it Memorex?' Ha, ha, ha."

Two of the squad grabbed my legs and another unfastened my pants and pulled them off. When the squad saw my underwear, they hesitated till Paula and the lead jock told them to finish the job. My underwear was pulled off and I was exposed from the waist down. One of the squad said "Sure ain't got much of a dick, must be a girl." The others laughed.

Paula looked at me and said "Not much of a girl there either." Again she laughed but this time she slapped my face. My cheek stung from the impact and she laughed. I spit at her and she slapped me again as two of the jock squad held me. She had a ring on her hand and she turned the setting around facing up on the palm and continued slapping my face. I was bloody and bruised, but she just kept hitting me. She only stopped when her hand hurt, then ordered one of the jock squad to take over for her. The jock was too eager and I felt a pain in my belly and I was gasping for breath.

I remember hearing Paula say "Fag want's a boyfriend, let's see if it can take it. Screw that bitch!" I tried to struggle.

I was quickly hit again. I fell down, that's when some one took my arms and I felt someone on each side of me raise me up. "Grab that box over there and hold the fag over it." Some one got the mentioned box and I was shoved face first across it as the squad held my hands and legs. The leader of the jocks said "Well, boys you decide who's next." I heard a zipper and felt something warm touch my butt.

"Hold the fag steady." came a harsh voice as my bottom was penetrated by the jock. He shoved his dick into my butt and pulled back only to shove again. It took a few shoves and some of his spit, but soon he was thrusting in and out of my bottom.

"Oww, that hurts." I cried out. The jock squad laughed and the thrusting continued. I heard "Nice and tight, no more virgin." Then he shot his load in my butt and pulled out. "Ok, boys, the fag's ready for you."

I felt another boy shove his dick in my butt and soon the warmth of semen filled my bottom. This was repeated by all the jocks, each high-fiving and congratulating each other for teaching me a lesson. My butt and belly was on fire and I felt something flowing down my legs. My voice was hoarse and tears were freely flowing down my face. Someone said "Sure is bleeding a lot." But no one seemed to care.

The jocks peed on me and tried to put their dicks in my mouth by holding my nose. That only worked for a little and as soon as I realized that a jock had shoved his dirty penis in my mouth, I bit it. I was slapped and hit to force my mouth open, but on one else tried that. The jock that I bit hit me a bunch of times, all the while cursing at me.

The movie had let out in the late afternoon and it was dark. The lights in the service alley were distant and few and the jocks took advantage of the low lighting to abuse me thoroughly. Before they left me laying on the ground, they pulled Fred from the dumpster and beat him unconscious, then they kicked me and left. I lay there my life leaking out of me.

If it hadn't been for someone empting the trash I might have bled to death. As it was I was hospitalized and lived for another two months. My insides had taken a beating and my vital organs, liver and kidneys, had suffered extensive damage. I write this knowing that I will die from my injuries, both physical and psychological.

The Principal put down the letter and wiped his eyes. Sobbing and sniffling could be heard throughout the assembly. “That’s all the letter said. It was simply signed Jen. Jen died at 8:47 AM, two weeks after writing this letter. She will be buried in a private ceremony, family only, and before you ask, the answer is YES. Jen is being buried as the girl she was. Anyone wishing to send flowers please be advised that the family would rather that you make a donation to the local chapter of the GLBT Association. Those of you that are called be school officials, please be prompt for your appointment. Those of you that are not called, please be courteous to the others. In closing I will add that Jen will be missed; at least by some of the staff. The prestige of having a child of Jens intelligence and maturity will not come again too soon. Bullying and petty violence has to stop before it leads to excessive violence as documented here; unfortunately it will not stop. Before you leave this room, look at the student sitting next to you and ask yourself one question; who’s next? You’re dismissed for the day.”

DDG - Slang abbreviation for Drop Dead Gorgeous; a beauty who could drive a man to distraction; a woman so beautiful, that he might be tempted to ignore his duties and responsibilities.

Boyle's law is one of several gas laws and a special case of the ideal gas law. Boyle's law describes the inversely proportional relationship between the absolute pressure and volume of a gas, if the temperature is kept constant within a closed system.
For a fixed amount of an ideal gas kept at a fixed temperature, P [pressure] and V [volume] are inversely proportional (while one increases, the other decreases)
( more specifically, if the volume is halved, the pressure doubles and vice versa )