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I am away on business tonight. It offers me an opportunity to be Leeanna. Normally I would get a quick bite to eat, shower, remove whatever excess hair I have, then dress and makeup. I don't get many chances to be "me" , so usually do it everytime I stay away.
I have been away twice since telling my mother that I always wanted to be her daughter. The first time I was held up in traffic. This time I arrived at the hotel at 630pm. I feel no desire to dress though. I don't undertand it. I used to do it every chance I could. I would go away for holidays alone and spend whole days as Leeanna. My mother has offered to come with me and help me.
I just don't seem to feel the same pressure mentally as I did. Very odd.
Comments
I suspect
that now that the pressure is released and you can be yourself with your mom, you don't have that need to relieve the pressure while you are away.
Holly nailed it
Leanna no longer has anything to prove. She has arrived as a woman and owns it. No need to get dressed up to prove to the mirror or others who she is.
Hugs Leanna, I'm so proud of you hon. Not because you realize your a woman but because you finally accepted who you are.
Barb
Life is a gift, don't waste it wishing. Wishing is good but we can't live in wishes.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Thanks Barbie. it feels odd
Thanks Barbie. it feels odd not doing it. it was almost every time I went away. It was exhusting sometimes. It takes me ages to get the makeup right. I don't know why I did that. i hardly ever went out.
I think you are right. I have nothing to prove to myself now. I just wished I had the courage to do it earlier.
Leeanna
Attitude change
Leeana,
Before I transitioned into living full-time as female, the desire to dress was very compelling to overwhelming such that I did it every time I was home alone. (Wife & four kids)
A component of how I felt, I later defined, was the sense of alertness to the world around me, the passage of time before someone might come home etc. This created a level of anxiety that helped in self-preservation (non discovery).
After leaving home in a decision that included my wife, those pressures and anxieties essentially disappeared and I moved on (matured) in my development into the person I felt that I was. Do not let these new feelings get you down. Embrace them and use them to further develop the person you choose to be.
Robyn B
Sydney
It was lke an addiction. Very
It was lke an addiction. Very rare for me to waste an opportunity. It was very cathartic, sharing it with someone. It feels good to share my feelings with her. I want to spend more time with her. Not a bad thing in all really.
Leeanna