Chapter 19 - High School

And so I continued to grow up. The usual things that happen to teenage girls happened to me. For the most part, my life as a transgendered girl wasn't too different from that of any schoolgirl, but I'll hit some of the highlights.

I finally made it to my Freshman year, but it seemed like it took forever. I kept active in the Periactus Players, but despite my success in Annie and Secret Garden I couldn't star in every production - nor would I want to. I spent more time with the Irish dancing since I wasn't playing the lead in any productions.

Aileen and I started to really click dancing as a duo, and the group was invited to dance at a regional competition. We came in third, not bad for the second time the school participated in the competition.

Our trio just kept getting better and better. Between my red hair and the Irish dancing, somehow we ended up doing a lot of Irish material. We worked up versions of such oldies as A Stór mo Chroí, and Come With Me Over The Mountain. That last one is the humorous story of a guy eloping with his girl, but Janine and I traded parts and put a decided LGBT and disability twist to it with me kidnapping her. That one always got some attention when we did it.

We did most of our material straight, though, like Biddy Mulligan the Pride of the Coombe and Paddy McGinty's Goat. The funny songs seemed to work very well for us. We even were asked to sing for a couple of special events at Ursuline.

And I have to say it: Janine and I very tentatively started making a different kind of beautiful music together. No, you don't get any details

 

My Sophomore year was notable for several things. The first was having my big sister Kate go off to college. Like most siblings, we had a love-hate relationship, but it was mostly love. Kate had been my fashion consultant when I found I really wanted to be Annie forever and always. In her own sarcastic way she clued me in on many of the secrets of how to be a girl. As I grew up and her growth slowed we could even trade clothes sometimes. The house just didn't seem the same without her

Sam was still Sam, only bigger and more annoying.

The second notable thing was facing some negativity. When my Sophomore year started a snotty-princess type transferred in and soon acquired a covey of followers. Her academic record was stellar, so nobody was all that concerned at first. By this time my transgendered status was pretty widely known but the notoriety had worn off. Mostly I ignored the few who objected and my friends were always there for me when needed.

The snotty-princess' bigotry never got personally physical, but there's a lot that a sour and intolerant person can do to make you miserable short of physical attack. Things like nasty notes in my locker, nasty rumors about my friends sexual preferences and anonymous accusations. She was quite creative, I have to say. Sadly, she soon gathered a circle of hangers-on who swallowed her garbage whole.

I have to give the staff at Ursuline big points for not tolerating bullying - rumors got spiked quickly, acting out met with firm consequences and the snotty-princess was just a bit too lax in hiding one of her plots. She made the mistake of doing something stupid in view of a security camera, which got her expelled. I wasn't the only one she targeted, so there were several of us relieved to have her gone.

Even after all this time it's hard to write about this episode. I'm not going to go into detail, but it hurt. A lot. Learning that people you thought were friends were so easily turned against you is painful. On the other hand, learning who your real friends are is a valuable commodity. My path to femininity has been remarkably easy, but such incidents have shown me that many others are not so lucky.

Now we get to the big one. Since that first kiss at my twelfth birthday party, Janine and I had become an item. It took a while for that to develop; we were both very young at the start and the whole gender thing had us very confused. Were we lesbians? Were an odd couple since I still had a penis - we certainly didn't qualify as straight! Once I started on blockers, straight sex wasn't in the picture - even if we were prepared to be taking that picture. Then there was the whole disability thing…

One more topic to bend Dr Phil's ear about.

It was Aileen who finally told us in exasperation to quit stalling and just admit we loved each other. Dr Phil laughed at that one, but sort-of said it wasn't bad advice.

Naturally, as we matured the whole idea of physical love became more important. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get away from the crowd to go necking with a girl in a wheelchair? You can't just disappear into a convenient clump of bushes in the park or sneak off to a quiet room when you can't get the wheelchair through the door. Romeo should have had these problems with Juliet - would have made a very interesting play for old Will.

The crux came when Janine's father had the opportunity to spend a weekend at a luxury resort and wanted to take his wife with him, but they worried about Janine being home alone. Of course they knew she as an independent cuss and would be OK, but parents worry. The solution Janine proposed was to have me spend the weekend with her.

That girl has balls, even if she doesn't have legs, or even gender dysphoria.

Both sets of parents bought it. I'm sure that they all knew just what would happen under the circumstances and they were right. That's all I'm going to say about it.

There was another naming coincidence that year - a lady named Emma Stone joined the Periactus Players. She was a good actress, but not the one who would become famous for romancing Spiderman. Our Emma Stone ended up taking over her family's plumbing business and dropped out of acting, so it's just a sidelight to my story.

 

My Junior year was notable in that I reached the age I could start on hormones. That made me happy, but the mood swings didn't make my family and friends especially happy. Fortunately they tapered off after a while and I didn't end up friendless and homeless.

You may not believe it, but there was some dancing-induced trauma. For a kid who had learned modern dance and was still was actively doing Irish dance, how could dance be traumatic? Answer: when it becomes ballroom dancing.

Seriously! Ursuline still held to the notion that proper young ladies should be able to dance gracefully at a formal ball. So much so that the phys ed classes in the junior year included dancing instruction. At first I figured no problem! How hard could it be to learn one more form of dance, and get scholastic credit for it, too?

The dancing part wasn't hard in phys ed, but once we had the moves down they imported a flock of conscripts from our brother boy's school to put us to the test. By that time I was pretty sure Janine and I were life partners, with the certainty that only a fifteen-year-old can muster. Naturally, Janine's wheelchair exempted her from dance class so my preferred partner was not available. I hadn't developed an interest in boys, at least not that way. With the accuracy of irony that only The Fates can conjure, my partner was none other than Dylan Thomas. That's right, the boy who played Colin in Secret Garden.

Actually, Dylan turned to be a good dancer and a good partner. At least we were friends and he had some idea of how Janine and I felt about each other so he didn't push. Whew!

By the end of my Junior year I had my own A cup breasts and my posterior started to look more like a regular girl's.

 

By the time I graduated, I had a natural B cup and no one was going to mistake my figure for a boy. I was more than happy to retire my falsies. Good things come to those who wait.

I actually got paid to do a few radio commercial voices in my Senior year, thanks to connections at Ursuline. One more thing to add to my CV when I applied to colleges.

Ah yes, college.

I've mentioned what was happening between Janine and me during our Junior year. It was a sure thing by our Senior year. Love to the point we were determined to live together when we attended college. Of course, that meant finding a college that offered both Theatrical studies and Biomedical Engineering. That's right - Janine wanted to be in the forefront of the technologies that would benefit people like her.

Northwestern University in Chicago seemed to be the answer, so we applied there and at three other schools. Always have a backup plan, even if you don't want to settle for your second - or third - choice. I won't keep you in suspense, both of us were accepted at Northwestern, as well as our third choice. Now the only problem to solve was how to pay for it.

Chapter 20 - The Letter

There are innumerable proverbs about having patience. Good things will come and all that malarkey. For a girl waiting to see if the college she desperately wanted will allow her to attend, proverbs are useless. For weeks I had stopped to check the mail as soon as I got home from school.

There was, as always, nothing there for me. I would sigh and go on to do my homework or annoy my brother or maybe even help fix dinner to assuage my sadness. Yes, I used the word assuage

For days, I had been checking the mail as soon as I got home, only to be disappointed that there was no letter. Naturally, the first response to arrive was from choice #2, turning me down. I came close to crying, but since it wasn't Northwestern I wasn't overly upset. That's my story and I'm sticking to it - pay no attention to the other people in my family.

More days passed. No letters appeared. Then, one magical day there was a thick envelope with the return address of Northwestern University. This resulted in a loud and uncontrolled outburst on my part, which in turn prompted the immediate appearance of the rest of the family, who had been waiting offstage for me to open the letter.

"Good news, I take it?" queried dad.

"I'm in!" I gushed.

"We never had any doubts," said Mom. "Here - someone else has news." She handed me the phone.

"Sounds like they accepted your application," enthused Janine.

"Yeah! What about you?"

"Still want to be roomies?"

"You have to ask?"

"You do know you'll have to carry me to the bathroom to pee at night?"

I was so excited I even forgot we were on speakerphone!

"She ain't heavy, she's my roomie?" I sang to my soon-to-be-roomie.

"We can work it out." she warbled back.

"As long as we aren't living in the House of the Rising Sun," I replied.

"We'll be in Chicago, not New Orleans."

"Does Chicago have a poorhouse? We might need it after we pay our tuition."

"The Lord Will Provide, Annie." She continued singing.

"If You’ve Got the Money, Honey, I’ve Got the Time." I couldn't sing like Willie Nelson, but who cares?

"If I Had A Million Dollars," came the answer.

Damn! If my entire family weren't listening I would love to have made a comment about her being a Barenaked Lady!

"I think it's time we had a talk, Annie," Dad cut in.

"Uh-oh!" Janine jeered. "You're in trouble now. Tell me all about it if you aren't grounded for life, Annie."

"Janine, we don't have those kind of talks in our family," Dad laughed.

But I sure was wondering just what he wanted to talk about!

Chapter 21 - The Big Reveal!

If you've ever watched Fixer Upper on the tube, you know that my parent's namesakes Chip and Joanna Gains end each show with a Big Reveal. Some anonymous technicians blow up a giant picture of that week's house before they started in on it, mount it on these giant wheeled risers. (In the theatre a riser is a piece of scenery that's mounted on a pulley and will rise up out of sight above the stage when you pull the ropes. Since their budget didn't go as far as renting a helicopter or two, they had to make do with rolling it aside.)

So they put the happy couple in front of this giant picture, make some inane conversation to heighten the dramatic tension, then roll the picture aside to reveal the renovated house.

Cue the 'oohs!' and 'aahs!' and the squealing wife. So I'm a cynical tranny. Live with it. Like they say on NPR: in the interest of full disclosure, this cynical tranny squealed with glee when I opened that letter from Northwestern.

Mom, Dad and I settled in Mom's office and they just looked at me for a few seconds.

"Annie, there's something we haven't told you that you need to know now."

"Oh?"

"You know your birth parents and your grandparents were killed in an avalanche while you were staying with us. You were too young to understand, but there was a whole lot of confusion in order to settle four estates at one time. No one had anticipated something like that happening.

"Joanna and I ended up as both your adoptive parents and the court ordered guardians of that estate, which devolved to you."

"Devolved?"

"Lawyer speak for transferring something to a lower level. In this case from your grandparents' generation to their children and then to you. Your parents and grandparents were all highly respected professionals and had accumulated a considerable estate. They weren't rich like Bill Gates or anything, but there was a considerable amount of money by the time their houses were sold and their investments totaled. All that money went into a trust fund for you, which was meant to finance your education. When you turn twenty-one you will get full control of the money."

"That's… weird!"

"We didn't tell you about it because we wanted you to grow up as just one more kid in our family. I'm sure you realize that money is at the root of much of the jealousy and envy in this world."

"Sure. Will there be enough for me to go to Northwestern?"

"I suspect so. Last I checked the trust fund was at about three-quarters of a million dollars."

"You're kidding!"

"Nope. Wise investments and compound interest over all those years have really paid off."

"Rather a shock, isn't it?" asked Mom.

I tried to say something, but nothing came out.

"Take a deep breath, honey. Now you know how we paid your tuition at Ursuline and for all those dance lessons and trips to dance competitions."

"I never thought…"

"Which is why we kept that trust fund a secret until you needed it. Your college is going to be paid for, but don't neglect to apply for all the scholarships you can find."

"Sure…"

"One other thing…" Dad added.

"Yeah?"

"When Doctor Phil gives the go-ahead you don't have to worry about whatever surgery you need."

"Umm… Ahh…"

"Deep breath, honey. I know it's a shock. You need time to process the whole thing. I suppose you need to give Janine a call and talk to her. It's going to affect her life, too."

"I'm not sure I believe it!"

"Pinch yourself, it's real." Dad was full of wonderful advice. Not!

"How do I know I'm not dreaming the pinch?"

"Good! Sounds like your brain is coming back on line," snickered Dad. "We'll have to make an appointment with the investment managers of the bank so you can learn all the details."

"Does that mean I can afford a cell phone?"

(Remember cell phones were still primitive and expensive back then.)

"Only if your trustees approve the expense."

"And you're the trustees?"

"Yup!"

"Not until I graduate, right?"

"Some things don't change, even when you're rich."

 

I'm pretty sure that Sam thought I had been turned into a zombie after Mom and Dad told me I was rich. I kind of plunked myself down on the couch while Sam was playing a video game. Sam was still wedded to the things even as he matured. I don't know how long I was staring off into space, but eventually Sam noticed that I was there when his character got killed.

"Jeez Sis, you look like you've seen a ghost."

"Maybe I have. The past has come to haunt me, Sam."

"What? You gonna turn back into a boy or something?"

"You wish!"

"Actually, I don't wish. You're a better sister than you were a brother."

"Is that a backhanded compliment?"

"Nah, just an observation. Don't press your luck."

"I think I used up all my luck for quite a while. Mom and Dad just told me I inherited a whole bunch of money."

"Cool! If I suck up to you will you buy me a cell phone?"

I may try to deny it, but Sam thought a lot like me even if we weren't blood relatives.

"I already tried that line. Didn't work."

"Not until we graduate high school?"

"Yup."

"I'll settle for a new Xbox system."

"You'd still have to talk Mom and Dad into it, not that I'm going to waste my fortune on my baby brother."

"Whaddya mean, waste? Consider it a wise investment."

"They told me I have investment managers to handle that stuff. Think some dude in a three piece suit is going to consider some new video game a growth opportunity?"

"You have an answer for everything. So how about you finance a double date with you and Janine and me and Candice?"

Candice was his current girlfriend.

"Now that one has some definite possibilities. Only one problem."

"Which is?"

"That money is in the bank, which means you have to convince the trustees to let go of some of it before I turn twenty-one. Three guesses who the trustees are."

"Got it the first time. Mom and Dad, right?"

"Right."

"I'm going back to my video game now. See you, Sis."

With that he grabbed the controller and started clicking away. Strangely enough, talking with my cheerfully greedy brother had calmed me down a lot. I noticed I was still holding the envelope from the school so I started reading it. By the time I plowed through it I realized that going to college was going to take some effort.

Chapter 22 - Some Effort?

Oh, the naivety of my youth! I had been so focused on getting accepted to my favored school that I hadn't thought much about what would happen next. What happened next was paperwork. Masses and masses of paperwork, interspersed with phone calls.

First thing: The FAFSA. Free Application For Federal Student Aid. Not that I was going to need any loans any more, but you still have to fill out the thing for scholarships. Pages and pages of intrusive questions. Then pages and pages of applications for scholarships. Welcome to the world of adulting: masses of paperwork.

Next task: Freshmen and Sophomores are required to live in the dorms. Do you have any idea how complicated it is for a transgendered girl and a girl with no legs who want to share a room to work out housing?

No. You don't!

Northwestern was pretty good at accommodating just about anything a student needs as far as disability or gender is concerned, but when you combine the two you get problems squared. After all the confusion cleared, Janine and I would be living in a suite with two other people billed as a straight male and a gender fluid female.

Then we needed to figure out meal plans. Then there was the need to register for classes. Then we needed to visit the campus so Janine could scope out how she was going to get around, which led to the purchase of a powered wheelchair so she could cruise around campus in the winter without freezing her hands off pushing the wheels of her manual chair.

Don't forget a new wardrobe to cope with the cold weather - we maybe got snow every five years or so at home. Janine needed a new computer to cope with her engineering needs, I could get by with my current laptop.

Speaking of technology, as promised, the trustees of my fund finally sprung for a cell phone when I graduated Ursuline. Yahoo! I called Janine first thing even though she was about five feet away from me after the ceremony. The parents had pre-programmed the numbers in our phones before handing them over.

 

So there you have it, my life as a girl finding her way in the world, all ready to move on and have great adventures with her life partner. Someday I'll continue the story, but I'm pretty much written out for the time being. Since I've been writing this while I was 'at rest' (read unemployed and letting Janine support me) and will be back to work soon, you might have to wait quite a while until I get around to it. There's a lot more, but I had no idea how much was to come.