A New Style of Education

by Karen Page

Part 45

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Part 45

"That's great news," said Stacy, her eyes twinkling with happiness. "I'm just finishing something. How did you describe it earlier? Oh yes, 'some medical stuff'. I'll come to your room when I'm finished. I shouldn't be more than thirty minutes."

"I'll still be up, so I'll be able to let you in."

"Thank but that's not necessary. I have a key that opens all the doors."

"How-" I started and then decided it wasn't worth asking. I just smiled and shook my head. "I'll see you later then."

I wonder what Stacy's doing. It must be a bit private, as she seemed to get very embarrassed when the 'medical stuff' was mentioned. When I got back to the bedroom, it was empty. Anna and Jill were apparently still with Julia and I wasn't going to get to see Helen until the next day.

I lay on my bed, thinking about going to clean my teeth and get changed for sleep, but I just didn't feel like it. My bed was a comfort and because I was alone in the room, I felt very uneasy. I didn't know what it was, but every time I thought about going to the bathroom, I dreaded leaving the bed. It was as if something nasty was going to happen to me.

This is silly. After taking a few deep breaths, I sat up. Come on, David. The bathroom is only over there.

I'd only gone to the bathroom, but I felt exhausted. I decided to go to the toilet, as it would be a good chance to get myself back together. Sitting there, I heard a whooshing sound. I jumped off the seat with a yelp, causing me to leak over the floor and myself.

'It was just someone flushing the toilet in the room next door,' I berated myself, trying to dry up the pee that had trickled onto my legs.

My heart continued to pound loudly as I sorted out the floor and then cleaned my teeth. All I wanted to do was get under the bed covers and shut out the world, but I knew that I was just being silly.

I was halfway to the bed when I heard a loud bang and rushed as quickly as I could back to my bed.

"Jayne, Jayne." I dimly heard a voice calling me. I tried to focus and saw Jill and Anna looking over me. It suddenly dawned on me that I was sitting in the corner of the room, hugging Helen's pillow against my raised knees. I started to calm down, wondering how I'd got there.

Another bang. I gave a loud piercing scream. With my friends with me, I didn't lose it completely like last time.

"It's okay," I heard Stacy say. I'd buried my head in Helen's pillow again. It had a slight scent of Helen and it was somewhat comforting. "Jayne, it is just someone letting off fireworks."

"Fireworks, it's just fireworks," I began to chant to myself, trying to calm down.

"Come on Jayne, let's get you to bed," suggested Stacy. "Do you need the loo?"

I shook my head and with her help, climbed into bed.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack when I heard you scream," said Stacy, as she covered me up. "I was just about to open the door when I heard you and I thought someone was attacking you."

"I thought someone was and it turned out to be just some fireworks." I laughed rather shamefully. "Sorry about this."

"With what you've been through tonight, I'm not surprised. I feel a bit jittery too," Stacy admitted.

"I wish Helen was here," I moaned softly as I saw Anna getting into bed with Jill.

"How was your chat with your Dad?" I asked, trying to find another topic to take my mind off the image of the security guard lying in the snow. Perhaps it wasn't the right question, as they both started to cry.

"Sorry," I called, feeling even lower. Julia must have told them the information about the car accident, which had killed Jill's mum.

"Was it the same people that killed Mum that also caused the trouble tonight?" Jill asked with a sniff, as she regained some control.

"We think so," Stacy gently responded.

Jill must have been thinking about what to say as there was a pause. "Then I hope that you find who it is and stop them before someone else dies."

"Is that all?" Stacy queried.

"Okay, part of me would like to see them dead. An eye for an eye, and all that. However, Mum always taught us that revenge wouldn't do any good, just justice."

"Are you sure you aren't thirty?" I queried. When I'd been told about what had happened to Jill's mum and Jessica's dad, my thoughts were less well reasoned than hers.

Sleep wasn't easy because Helen wasn't there. I thought about ringing Helen, but she only had her Beta PDA, which might have given away her location. Have I become so conditioned in five months that I have trouble sleeping if she isn't there? I don't think I was the only one. I heard Stacy tossing in the bunk above.

"Stacy, are you okay?" I murmured over the sound of Anna snoring.

"Just a bit restless. I miss Brenda."

"Snap."

"You're missing sleeping in the same bed as Brenda?" Stacy said, her head appearing over the side of the top bunk.

"No," I laughed, once I saw how my answer could have been misinterpreted. Realising I was a bit loud, I continued in a quieter voice. "No, I'm missing Helen."

"Thank goodness for that. I was going to have words with her. Seventeen is much too old for you."

Stacy's bit of humour helped calm me down and I managed to drift off to sleep. It was a shame that it wasn't a nice sleep. In the middle of the night, my dream turned ugly and I woke to find myself sitting up, surrounded by Stacy, Jill and Anna.

"Gah, sorry," I uttered, trying to lie down to calm my racing heart. When I couldn't, I discovered I was being firmly held by Stacy.

"You have quite a fast pulse," commented Stacy. I looked down and saw she was holding two fingers to my wrist, yet I was still being firmly held. Perhaps she was also a contortionist. When I'd calmed down, Stacy gently lowered me so I was lying down. "Do you want to talk about it with Rachel, or if she isn't back, one of the other staff?"

"I'm okay now. Sorry I disturbed all of you." I didn't feel well, but I didn't want to get anybody else out of bed.

"You have one heck of a scream for me to wake up," said Jill. "Now I'm used to Anna's snoring, I sleep through most things."

"Hey, I don't snore," protested Anna.

"Why don't you two go back to bed," suggested Stacy. "I'll be a surrogate Helen."

"A what?" My overly stressed mind failed to comprehend what Stacy meant.

"If you budge over, I'm going to climb in next to you. I don't want any hanky panky, as I'd only have to tell Brenda."

I moved back and Stacy climbed in next to me. Leaning up, I was able to see that Jill and Anna were in bed, so I pressed the bedside light switch to turn off the lights. The room was again shrouded in darkness.

"Do you snuggle up to Helen?" Stacy eventually whispered. I'd been trying to lie as far from Stacy as possible. I'd never slept in the same bed as anybody but Helen and it all seemed a bit surreal.

"Yes."

"Then snuggle."

"But, what about-" I didn't want to say what I feared.

"Stop worrying. I don't bite. You aren't being unfaithful to Helen, as you're just holding onto someone to get and give comfort. What we both went through wasn't nice."

Wasn't nice? That's the understatement of the century. The stillness of the air was soon replaced by Anna's now familiar snoring.

I awoke to a small wiggle from Stacy, and I saw that it was light outside. I realised my hand was cupped in an area it shouldn't have been and quickly snatched it away.

"Sorry," I murmured.

Stacy turned round so she was facing me. "It wasn't intentional and your hand was under the duvet, so Anna and Jill wouldn't have noticed it. How do you feel?"

"I thought you'd worked that one out already," I joked, bringing my hand up from under the duvet.

Stacy smiled, and looked at me in a meaningful way.

"I'm not sure. I feel less tired. In some ways it all seems a bit of a nightmare. How about you?"

"I was worried about having a nightmare, so had been keeping myself awake," admitted Stacy. "Having you next to me, helped. I've had more training than you and I still found last night hard. I don't think anything can prepare you for someone firing a gun at you."

"It was also the way you were so calm about the explosives."

"Probably because I knew they were weak and just designed to cause a loud bang without doing much damage. That, and I knew how many there were. In retrospect, I should have told you and Christopher what to expect. You might have some internal turmoil now, but while we were out, you kept your head."

"Not afterwards. When I came in here and I was on my own, I thought I was going nuts. Every sound I heard, I thought someone was after me."

"That's why we have Rachel. We should talk to her if we have these issues. If you were worried about being alone, why didn't you say?"

"Because you were doing your medical stuff," I murmured, even quieter than we'd been.

"I'm sorry if I pushed you away last night."

"I thought Anna and Jill would have been back before me. When do you have to do your medical stuff again?"

"This morning, though I can do it after breakfast. I don't want to leave and have you get anxious again. If you need to, then come with me."

"I don't want to embarrass you. Why don't you go do it now, and then you will be free after breakfast, just in case you're needed? After all, you are the head student. Jill and Anna are here, so I'm not alone."

"I'll go when they wake up."

It was nice to know that people cared. Stacy might be a few years older than me, but she never talked down to me and we seemed to get on really well. She'd probably saved my life by pushing me to the ground, but had refused to talk about it.

"Um, can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure. I can't say I will answer it, but I probably will."

"How did you know?" I felt my eyes getting moist talking about this hard subject. Stacy saw and held my hand.

"Know what?"

"That you were Stacy."

"I don't really know," she replied seriously. "In some ways I always knew I was a girl. It was quite a shock when I found out everyone thought I was a boy. Especially after I found out what being a boy meant."

"But how do you know that you felt like a girl? I mean, how does it feel to be a girl, or a boy?"

Stacy paused for a second. "I've no idea. I suppose it was because I could relate to what other girls thought or said. I had nothing in common with any of the boys. I found it really hard to accept the physical bits that I had, that other girls didn't. I've got to admit, you have some really strange pillow talk."

"It's some of the stuff I was talking to Andy about the other week. How did Andy cope with you changing sex?"

"By the time we worked out about dropping the study bit, I'd already told him who I was. I suppose he had to put up with a lot, especially once I started to transition and change."

"How do you cope between him being Andy and Brenda?"

"That's easier, because deep down they are the same person. No matter if he's presenting as Brenda or Andy, he has the same big heart, the same silly laugh and the same love of life."

I tried to comprehend what Stacy had said, but it really didn't make any sense to me. Well some of it did. I thought of Christopher and Helen as the same person. But were Jayne and David really the same person? How about Marcus and Stacy? That was a difficult one. I didn't know Stacy before she transitioned. Did Marcus have a different personality before he transitioned? In some respects Jessica was different from Richard, or at least she acted differently. This was all too much to think about now.

"My brain hurts too much now," I said.

"Don't rush it and certainly don't worry about it. You are you."

"Yeah, but I don't know who that is."

One thing I liked about this discussion was that it had taken my mind off last night. Stacy had been very open with me as we discussed things that I found very confusing. I certainly wasn't going to discuss sexuality, as my head would have probably exploded. I wonder if Helen and I could try this one Saturday — chatting while in bed seems to be a lot less threatening.

As Anna and Jill began to stir, I knew our private discussion had to stop. Stacy made a move to get up and I realised that getting up now wouldn't be a good move. "I'll get up in a minute," I said, trying not to let the panic show in my voice.

Stacy smiled, "Andy always wants those extra few minutes too. Will you be okay with Jill and Anna if I go and do my medical stuff?"

"Of course."

"Listen, if you need to come and see me, I'll not turn you away. I don't want you getting upset like last night."

I smiled, "Thanks."

Stacy disappeared, and after a few minutes, I got up and got myself ready. I was a bit worried about my body's reaction to Stacy; it had been similar to when I was with Helen, though not as severe. I just wish I'd had more experience in these types of things. Deciding to try to ring Helen I pulled out my PDA to find her hotels phone number. There was a silent note left on it from Rachel, not to ring Helen, as she had been up late discussing last night's activities. I sighed and pocketed my PDA.

"Sorry I worried you last night," I said to Jill, while Anna took her shower.

"It's okay. I just don't understand why you were on your own. Why didn't you wait with Stacy?"

"She had some things to take care of."

"Oh, of course," said Jill, her eyes full of understanding. "I remember when I lived at home, I once went to see Julia and she was dilating. I don't think she's ever wanted me to get out of the room as quick as she did, and I don't think I could have got out any quicker."

I nodded as if I understood what she was talking about. Dilating? What the heck is that? I would look it up when I was on my own, which due to my issues the previous night, didn't appear to be anytime soon. Jill and Anna didn't leave my side and when we went down for breakfast, others were worried it was some type of suicide prevention thing.

"Look everyone, I'm not suicidal," I said, after a lot of concern was given. "I had a bad night last night, with some really bad dreams. I'm missing Helen a lot, and people are trying to keep my mind off things. For those that don't know, Helen is okay and stayed last night at a different hotel. We will meet up at the airport."

"What happened yesterday?" Emma asked.

I shook my head. "Not now. It wasn't a nice time, but everyone is safe, which is the main thing."

Just as I was finishing breakfast, a lady came to see me. I'd seen her around Hayfield and knew she was from The Manor. What she did there, I hadn't a clue. "Sorry to disturb you. Are you Jayne?"

"Yes," I replied, looking up.

"Can I have a private word for a minute?"

"Sure." I got up and moved to one side.

"Dr Ruiz asked if I'd talk with you and Stacy later. She didn't say why, but she said it would become clear when we talked. Why don't you finish your breakfast and join me in room 315 in about twenty minutes."

"Okay." She left and I went back to my breakfast, wondering what that was all about. "I must be half asleep, but I forgot to ask that lady her name and I have to see her in twenty minutes," I said to Melissa, who was sitting just opposite me. "Do you know her?"

"That’s Edith Covington. She's umm, well, she's well ... she's one of the school's therapists."

"There's more to it than that," I said, noticing the way she hesitated.

"I don't like gossiping, but ... she's also Matilda's mum."

"Ah, thanks. But I doubt the reason she wants to talk to me is about Matilda. I just can't understand why I'm not seeing Rachel. Anyway, I better finish off quickly. I need to pack as we will be off to the airport after my chat."

"Don't worry about that," said Jill. "I'll pack yours. I noticed you did Helen's while I got my shower, and yours was mostly done."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, now sit and finish your breakfast properly!"

At the agreed time, I made my way to room 315. As I approached, I saw Stacy coming from the other direction. Together we knocked on the door and went in.

"Have a seat on the bed," she offered. "Do either of you have any idea why Rachel would ask me to speak with you? She said we should discuss last night."

I looked at Stacy, waiting for her to take the lead. "I suppose things were a bit scary with all the explosions. The news said it was the Chechens."

Stacy and I both whipped out our PDA's as they tinged; it was from Rachel. 'A lady called Edith Covington will be seeing you. Ellen says that Edith can be trusted. She doesn't know, but it is about time she does. She has some skills to help you deal with last night.' We looked at each other and put away out PDA's.

"That was Rachel," Stacy explained.

"Perhaps now you can tell me what happened last night and why would a Hayfield psychiatrist want two of her charges to see me?"

"Do you have a specialist skill, besides being a general therapist?" Stacy countered.

"Yes, I specialised in trauma caused by violence. In particular, trauma as a result of violence where a gun was involved."

"Ah," said Stacy and I together. Things began to make sense.

"I'll let you explain," I said to Stacy. "When I explained what happened to Rachel, she thought I was skipping over things."

Stacy explained about the reason behind the school trip and the Alpha team's job to get the information.

"So how does this involve you?"

Stacy nodded to me and I continued, "We're part of what's called the Beta team. We don't really do anything unless something goes wrong with the Alpha team. We get additional training so that we can join the Alpha teams when we're older. The Alpha teams were trapped last night due to some security that had been recently added. So, after the concert, we went to help get them out."

I suppose this all sounded rather fantastic and I'm not sure if Edith believed us. She just nodded and encouraged me to tell her the rest, which I did.

"It sounds like you had one heck of an evening," Edith said, sounding very unsure about what she'd heard.

"You don't believe us, do you?" said Stacy, getting up.

"It's just that it sounds so ... fanciful. A school as a cover for spies ... I ask you, who would believe such a thing?"

"That’s why it's a great cover," I said, dragging Stacy back to the bed. "Who would believe it? Anyway, I've just had an idea on how to persuade you this is the truth."

I pulled out my PDA and rang a number. "Hi, I'm with a councillor from The Manor. Dr Ruiz asked Stacy and me to discuss what happened last night, but she doesn't believe me. I'm pretty sure she will probably believe you."

I handed over the phone to Edith who took it and said "Hello?"

Edith listened and didn't say anything else. Her face slowly lost its colour and by the end of the call, it was almost white. I don't think she was very happy.

"Sorry," I offered. It wasn't much, but it was all I could say.

"I'm sorry, too," said Edith handing me back my PDA. "I should have believed you." She took a second to get her thoughts together. "Who do you think shot the guard?"

"There were two shots and two guards," said Stacy.

"When I think back, I can only remember one. I remember Christopher and Andy there with their guns out and looking back seeing a guard on the ground, his gun next to him."

"Don't worry about the number of guards for now," Edith said smoothly, stopping us from arguing. "How do you both feel about the shooting? Stacy, why don't you go first? Did the incident play on your mind last night in bed?"

"How did you know?"

"I presume you are the leader of this Beta group, and that perhaps you're afraid of showing that you are human. Tell me, did you have any bad dreams?"

"At first I refused to sleep, as I was frightened I'd get nightmares again. Jayne is aware, as I told her last night. Jayne also knows I still occasionally get nightmares from when I was raped when younger."

"What about you Jayne, any nightmares?"

I shivered, as Edith's prompting reminded me. "I only had one nightmare last night, but it was bad enough to wake everyone in the room."

"Only the one?"

I glanced at Stacy who nodded. "Stacy stayed in our room last night, so she wouldn't be alone. She came down from the top bunk and slept next to me. It helped us both, I think. Earlier in the evening I had a mini breakdown. I was alone in the bedroom and I was uneasy the whole time. When a firework went off it seemed I couldn't cope and cried in a corner. That's how Stacy and the other two I shared with found me. I've not been alone since and I've felt okay."

We discussed our feelings about what happened in several different ways. How we thought about the guns and explosions. When we were finished, Edith seemed quite pleased. After the shock of what we'd told her, she seemed to understand the fright and fears that both of us had.

"All right, I'd like to see you both again tomorrow after breakfast. I will arrange to see Andy and Helen after you. Until I'm up to speed with how they feel, I would like to keep it as pairs." She looked at us both to be sure we understood. "I know that Andy and Helen are both your study partners, but please don't discuss what we talked about until I say. I don't want your comments to colour what they say themselves. And don't worry about hiding from them, as I'll explain it to them when I see them at the airport."

We both reluctantly agreed.

She paused and looked to be struggling how to ask something. "One other thing that is a bit difficult and is highly unofficial; but, how is my daughter involved?"

"Matilda isn't a Beta member," I responded. That prompt helped Stacy understand. She mustn't have been informed that Edith was Matilda's mother. "She wasn't out last night, but I know she did have a hand in making sure we were safely guided."

"The best person to speak with is Kriss," said Stacy. "I only deal with the Hayfield Beta team."

"Thank you. Well, I will see you both tomorrow."

"How do you feel now?" Stacy asked, as we wandered towards our rooms.

"Knackered. You?"

"About the same. I'm going to make sure all the suitcases are ready, so I'll see you later."

I went part of the way with her. Before we had to go different ways, Stacy asked, "Do you want me to go with you to your room?"

"Thanks, but I think I'll be okay."

As she moved away, I hurried to my room only to find that not only had Jill and Anna taken care of packing, but they'd also taken the luggage downstairs, ready to go on the coach. I felt like the walls of the room were closing on me and I ran out of the room, trying to tell myself that I was just being silly. I ran to Stacy's room and banged urgently on her door.

There must have been something on my face that showed my fear as Stacy dragged me into her room. Only then did I see the fear on her face as well. We held each other and the fear we both felt dissipated. "I wondered if you wanted some help with packing," I said, trying not to sob.

Stacy let me go, replying, "Thanks. That would be a great help."

The conversation was light and we ended up discussing her guitar playing. I still had trouble picturing Stacy as a rocker, but what should a rocker look like? I was only able to go by the music videos we often had on in our year room. When we're on the run up to field trips, all communications happen in the language of the country we're going to and that includes the television. I think we were all starved for MTV. Stacy had a good laugh when I mentioned that, and readily agreed.

"I feel a bit of an idiot now," I said, as we zipped up the last cases; everything packed. "I should have just gone down to reception and met up with the others."

"I'm glad you came to me. I wasn't as bad as you, but I certainly felt better having your company. I think it is going to take a while for us to get over this. Besides, I don't think most of the others would understand."

"Oh, just what I want, lots of chats with Rachel," I replied sarcastically.

"Are you having trouble talking with her?"

"No, not really." I tried to find the words to mask how I felt, but couldn't. "I find her really easy to talk to, but she sometimes asks me things which I don't want to answer."

"What do you mean?"

"She asks me things that I don't want to think about. Sometimes I like to bury issues and not think about them. I know that isn't good for me in the long run, and I should deal with things. It just sometimes I feel that I might lose myself."

"Like what you talked about with Andy?"

"Yeah, I suppose," I said, looking surprised.

"No secrets between partners," Stacy reminded me.

"Whoever came up with that rule should be shot." I winced when I said that. Over the last day I'd learnt that there was a big difference between shooting on a range and what happened last night.

"Yeah, along with the person who came up with the 'not seeing family' rule, too," agreed Stacy. "Let's get these cases downstairs. It's time we went home."

In reception, we found we were among the last to arrive. "May I have your attention," requested Mr Moore when everyone was accounted for. "Before we get on the coaches, I have a quick update for everyone. This evening, there will be two special meetings. Please check your PDA's when we get back to England."

The trip to the airport was problem free. There were police everywhere, but the military seemed to have disappeared. As we neared the airport I got more excited, in a few minutes I would be with Helen. Indeed, when we drew up at the drop-off point, there waiting for us were the four missing students, Dr Ruiz, and Dr Hansen.

I couldn't wait to get off the coach and was glad I wasn't near the back. Helen mustn't have known which coach I was on, and kept glancing to see if she could spot me. I thought about sneaking up to her, but then remembered what we'd been through and didn't think it wise. I waved and it attracted her attention. By the time I'd made my way to the front of the coach, she was there waiting.

I don't think my feet touched the ground, as Helen scooped me up into her arms. We looked fondly at each other and our lips gently came together.

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