I've been working on the next chapter of Jangirl Camp, and seem to be running into an issue I don't think I've ever run into before. Zee seems to be feeling separation anxiety when his dad is saying goodbye to him at camp, and I'm really feeling guilty about separating them. I know it's something that needs to happen for the story to continue, but the actual scene is feeling a lot more difficult to write than I'd expected.
Does anyone have suggestions on how to write a scene where a parent and somewhat clingy child are separated with the least amount of trauma?
Comments
... a counselor sees the problem ...
... and checks it out. Counselor, Zee & Dad have time to talk (since Dad is driving home).
I bet Camp sees this often, and knows a lot about "what to do".
"Resolutions" for now, is camp can set up internet phone calls home; also counseling sessions, and maybe encourages a 'lonely-buddies' system.
Ah!
I like that. Thanks for your help! :)
Google
I hate to say it but in doing research to compose my answer to your question I did a bit of "googling" and read a half dozen articles that popped up. My search phrase was "leaving your child at camp". Some dumb stuff came up but a few articles that fit with my unconscious biases filtered through. The main take away were: The child is looking to you for clues on how to behave. It's hard for the parent too. Mirror the behavior you want the child to exhibit.
One of the stories I remember from when my kids went to preschool the first time was "The kissing Hand." (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18419.The_Kissing_Hand) The idea simply put is to kiss your child's palm. Then remind them that any time they feel unsure or fearful to remember that I love them and if they put their palm to their cheek they can remember my kiss too. That became kind of a short hand in our family. To kiss the child's palm when we parted.
One that helped me (the parent) most was to recall that you don't have to be brave if you are not scared. Another was to remember that the physiological response to fear is about the same as it is to excitement. The difference is in how we think about it.
Just some off the cuff ideas.
PS: As a former girl and boy scout adult scouter I can point out that letting kids who are homesick call their parents is rarely the best way to deal with that issue. When it happens it is usually late at night and the child has found herself in a visualization cycle into the things that might happen.
Our best approach was to be sure that the child is safe. To sit with them while they worked it out and to respond appropriately to the child's words and actions but not to initiate any unprompted contact. Two deep leadership is also always a good idea.
As always I'm looking forward to your next segment.
Crescenda
aka
Your friend
Crash
Thanks so much!
You've really given me some good ideas to think about. One thing I'm a little bit confused about is two deep leadership. Could ya let me know what it is, and how it would help?
All together too two.
Two deep leadership is the practice of always having two unrelated adults responsible and available for any group of children under their care. This is for safety, transparency, and to help deal with emergencies if they arise. It also reduces the appearance of and opportunity for abuse.
Again google a great resource for more research on the topic. There are lots of good articles out there discussing how it can be applied.
Your friend
Crash
Ahhh...
...think I got it now. Looks like I'm gonna be doing some googling. Thanks for your help! :)
Googling 'two deep leader ship ...
Took me here:
https://blog.scoutingmagazine.org/2018/01/19/whats-the-diffe...
And here:
https://blog.scoutingmagazine.org/2018/01/19/whats-the-diffe...
===
Ooops! I didn't even know about/consider the "late night phone call" problems ...
Thank you...
...for the links! :)
How Common
How common is it to leave the child at camp, and have him deal with it -- get over it or not, as the case may be?
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
While I'd never been dropped off at camp...
...I had been dropped off at a relatives house when m mom had to stay in a hospital for a while. Even though it wasn't the same as being left with complete strangers, I still found it frightening being in an unfamiliar environment. And yeah ... I kinda cried a bit my first night there.
camps are viable
Looks like there are 12K summer camps in the US. 7K appear to be "overnight camps". Assume say 50 kids per week and say 12 weeks of summer so that's something like 4 million kids staying overnight. Most do overnight camps not have parents stay with them.
https://www.regpacks.com/blog/infographic-amazing-facts-summ...
Your friend
Crash
Oh wow!
I had no idea so many kids stayed at camp overnight. I guess Zee isn't quite so alone. Thanks for the info! :)
Anxiety
Some people are born prone to be anxious.
It's not something "to tough out." It is something that needs to be dealt with. For some that is as simple as bio feedback. For others it involves drugs.
My daughter was anxious as a child. One of the worst mistakes we made was listening to a veteran camp counselor who advised tough love.
After graduating from college Phi Beta Kappa, she became a junior high math teacher and a mother. She still has anxiety issues and uses medication to control. She knows proper diet, minimal alcohol, adequate exercise, and enough sleep are mandatory. Her baby is happy and content at seven months and could be on a Gerber box.
Some feel there is a strong link between seeking perfection and anxiety. Think of Simone Biles or Chuck Knobloch.
You'll write something wonderful! You always do.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
I'm not sure...
...if Zee is one of those people who are prone to being anxious, but it does sound like something to keep in mind while working on this story. Thank you! :)
Love and Logic
In my earlier comments I forgot a cornerstone of our approach at home with our kids and at camp and school with campers and students. It's called Love and Logic.
The “Love” in Love and Logic means that we love our kids so much that we are willing to set and enforce limits. This “Love” also means that we do so with sincere compassion and empathy.
The “Logic” in Love and Logic happens when we allow children to make decisions, affordable mistakes and experience the natural or logical consequences. When we balance this with sincere empathy, they develop the following logic:
Our children learn that the quality of their lives depends on the quality of their choices.
https://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/love-and-logic-parenting
https://theartofeducation.edu/2015/04/21/7-effective-love-an...
Your friend
Crash
Love & Logic...
...sounds like a good way of creating an environment where kids can feel safe and supported enough to try new things, and tp grow as individuals. Thank you for the advice! :)