A New Style of Education

by Karen Page

Part 66

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Part 66

Thursday 30th March 2006

We got back home to Hayfield Hall at the first signs of dawn. Instead of going to our rooms for a nap as Mr Hobson had suggested, we got permission to go to our year room. There were things that we needed to discuss first.

"Well?" asked Emma as soon as she shut the door.

I got a thumbs up from Helen, who had just finished scanning the room.

"There will be a special meeting later-" I started.

"Oh, come on!" interrupted Emma.

"As I was saying, there will be a special meeting later. We can tell you what happened to us. We just can't tell you the full story, as we've not been told. Is that okay?"

"Sure," she replied. Paula tapped her study partner. "Sorry for butting in like that, but we've been itching to know what happened for days."

"I know, and you've been very patient. When this started Erika, Martha, Anna, Jill, Helen and I were there, so why don't we start with what Erika and Martha have to say. Then Anna and Jill can give their bit. That way you know I'm not hiding something."

One of the problems of thinking about an event a few days later is your mind often plays tricks. It happened to me with the number of shots fired in Russia. However, Martha and Anna both gave great accounts that tallied with what I remembered. What topped it off was that Anna never mentioned who rescued us, just that they were rescued.

"Did Dr Dine sell us out?" Lewis asked angrily.

"We don't know," Helen responded carefully. "We know she turned up there and had an argument with our captives. She also mentioned that her sister might be in danger, so if she did, it was potentially coercion."

All our PDA's bleeped at the same time. There was to be a student only meeting in the cinema in three hours.

"It looks like we might be finding something out," Brian mused.

"Okay, go and get a nap," I instructed. It was also a chance for me to get back to being dressed as David.

* * *

As we filed into the cinema, at the front was Mr Hobson, Dr Ruiz and a woman I'd never seen before. We were all silent and on our best behaviour with someone unknown in the room.

"I'm the chair of the governors of this school and head of the schools' protection associates," stated the unknown woman. "It is unusual for a chair of governors to talk directly to the pupils, but this isn't a run of the mill state school and you are all highly intelligent and have great potential. I therefore thought this conversation should occur and Mr Hobson agreed."

Her voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place where I'd heard it. I put that to the back of my mind as I heard her say, "Today Mr Hobson tended his resignation as headteacher of this school."

I couldn't believe this, and it seemed nor could others as I heard some mutterings started between individuals. It was obviously loud enough for her to hear, as she paused for a moment.

"If I may continue," she said with a bit more steel in her voice, which brought the room back to silence. "As headteacher, Mr Hobson is responsible for the safety of you, the pupils at this school. As school governors we are responsible for setting the aims for the school and holding the school's senior leadership to account.

"When we were made aware about the incident, the governors requested an investigation. This was updated as details emerged. Once you returned to Hayfield Hall the investigation was concluded following interviews with Mr Hobson and a few others."

"When Mr Hobson was made aware that four pupils had been abducted, he contacted the Hayfield security team and then contacted me. The security team that went with you on the school trip followed protocol and within a few hours had located the four pupils that had been abducted and proceeded with a rescue.

"During the search and rescue time, the rest of the school went to visit a public site where they were always with staff, reducing the risk to the rest of the pupils. Extra security was flown in from the nearest sister school. Hence reducing the risk of the incident reoccurring.

"Finally, Mr Hobson discussed with the senior leadership team about pulling out of the concert. With additional security in place, it was deemed safe to still perform and leave immediately following the end of the concert.

"The conclusion of the governors report was that Mr Hobson reacted swiftly to the abduction and minimized the risk to the other people there. Running a school efficiently is one thing but having the ability to react in a crisis shows what a talented team Mr Hobson has assembled here. Therefore, Mr Hobson's resignation has been refused."

That went down very well, and I was soon on my feet with others from the school applauding.

After a few seconds, Mr Hobson quietened us down, and the lady continued. "The pupils are what the school is all about. The aim of the school is to teach you in a way that you can learn to the best of your ability, in a safe and secure place. We failed to keep you safe and secure. Yet keeping you secure can't be at the detriment of your freedom and your ability to grow. I've sat in the audience at several of your concerts and I've seen the passion you all have, not just for making music, but playing in front of a live audience. I feel that if we stop you from performing, you would be worse off, and the world would be worse off without hearing you play."

Mr Hobson stepped forward and continued, "The recent Ofsted report mentioned access to a weekend shuttle service to neighbouring towns. Starting next Saturday, we will be implementing this. At first, we will alternate between places like Milton Keynes, Luton, Bedford and Watford. See what towns you prefer, and we can then alter things around. But please remember the rule banning bringing things into the school still applies."

"Finally, I need to mention about Dr Tracy Dine."

When Mr Hobson uttered those words, most of us leaned forward. This was news we all wanted to hear.

"She wasn't the school leak and certainly didn't try to hurt any pupil here. She was contacted by the abductors on the pretext they had her sister. They wanted some information that she didn't have. When she heard they had four students, she tried to fight them and was injured in the ensuing struggle. It will be a while before she is back, so in the meantime we have brought forward the recruitment of an additional person on the support team.

"Year one has ten pupils. Since we've had the bedroom expansion, that is going to be the new standard. So, in July there will be ten new pupils. There is also a discussion if we should start a year earlier, but that won't be for a few years, if it happens. When Dr Hilda Saunders starts here next week it will be a permanent addition to provide additional flexibility."

"Tomorrow is a recovery day, lessons will start again on Monday."

As the meeting ended, I tuned out and looked at the chair of governors. It was strange that she didn't announce her name and her voice still bugged me. I was sure I'd heard it somewhere before.

* * *

"How are you both feeling?" Rachel asked, as we sat down on her office settee.

"It's good to be back," responded Helen neutrally. I nodded in agreement. I was loving being back dressed as David, and the more flexible hairstyle made it easier to look male without wearing a cap while waiting to see the hairdresser.

"Fair enough," said Rachel glancing over at us. "Today we aren't discussing what happened on the trip. You know my door is always open if you want to discuss that, but at the moment I'm not sensing you need or want to discuss it. Am I right?"

Helen and I exchanged glances. "We haven't had any issues, so nothing to discuss."

"As I thought. So, for the revue you both learnt to dance the tango. I believe you continued to take dance lessons since then. How are you getting on?"

"Don't you get reports?" I queried, surprised.

"It's an extracurricular activity," explained Rachel, as if that answered my question. By the blank looks on our faces Rachel must have realised she needed to explain more. "I only get reports on your main school lessons. Things like your instrument and dance lessons aren't reported to me. I would hear if you were skipping planned lessons, but not how you are doing. So, I'll ask again. How are you getting on with you dance lessons?"

"It was slightly easier for me," said Helen. "I'd done some lessons before moving here. I think you could say we are at a stage where we wouldn't embarrass ourselves at standard social events.

Rachel looked at me and I sighed. "Simon and Kelly did a good job at recruiting when we did the lessons for the revue. I've been learning as David. They suggested I didn't learn to dance as Jayne until I'd got one method fully sunk in."

"Good," Rachel sat back and looked at me. "David, the next bit is concentrated a bit on you. Now we are back from the concert, I think some time is needed discussing the dichotomy between your gender presentation and how you feel."

I sighed. I knew this was something I needed to talk about, but it wasn't something I was looking forward to. As Andy had reminded me, it wasn't something in life that I was happy with and it had made me attempt suicide, even though I hadn't got far.

Helen moved closer, and I felt her love radiating. "Je t'aime," she muttered so only I could hear. Or so I hoped.

"Are we going back to looking in the mirror?" I asked, thinking about my session after Russia where we'd had a small discussion about how I felt.

"Perhaps figuratively, but that is about it. Let me recap where I think we are, and if I've missed anything you can add that in after. So, by default you prefer to present as David but if people don't know you, they might address you using female pronouns."

I nodded and Helen pulled her arm tighter around me. She knew how much I hated it when that occurred.

"You can present as female and get accepted as female, but it isn't something that you feel is you."

"And I wouldn't want to take hormones or have surgery like Stacy." I added quite forcibly.

Rachel looked shocked. "That was never something that has ever been considered. This school isn't into making people something they aren't. It is about giving them the opportunity to excel and where needed, giving them room to explore who they are and what they need in life. For someone to want hormones, or eventually surgery, there are a lot of safeguards in place. It is something you would have had to ask us about, and then you would have to prove it is something you need, not just want."

I nodded like that was something I already understood, but internally I was kicking myself for still having my doubts. Andy had said before that they wouldn't force me to stay female.

Rachel then continued with her recap. "You can also present as male and get accepted as male. However, you feel it is also not you."

"No, I'm not comfortable. For some reason it feels like I'm a fraud."

"So next we started to look to see if it was because you were young, and you needed a more mature engagement. You did a trip with Andy with you dressed as a young rich female. How was that?"

"When I got over my nerves, I had the same feeling as when I'm Jayne on school trips."

"You mentioned previously that prior to joining the school you'd never been on holiday and never eaten out-"

"My parents did what they could afford to," I interrupted.

"Yes, they did," Rachel agreed. "I'm not saying they were bad parents. Your parents worked hard, but they didn't earn much. I mentioned it because we need to round out your personal skills. Knowing you've never done something is good. For instance, you picked up how to behave at hotels and in restaurants while in Paris.

When you went to the BAFTA ceremony, it was something that neither you nor Andy had every done before. But because Andy had learnt how to mix at other events, he was able to apply what he'd learnt to that situation. You though didn't have any other experience to draw on, but you seemed to wing it without being obvious."

"I followed a lot of Andy's lead," I admitted.

"This isn't a short-term project," explained Rachel. "In fact, we experience new situations all our life and learn how to cope or act appropriately. This school will give you some good foundations over the next few years. And that isn't just the two of you. There are others in your year that will also need extra foundations."

"So, we aren't being picked on?" I half joked.

"No, you aren't," Rachel gladly confirmed. "But when an opportunity to learn comes up, we will try to squeeze it in, if it doesn't impact your welfare, or too much of your free time. After all, you are still children and have just over four years left at the school.

"A few months ago, the BAFTA trip came up, and that was a great opportunity for you to learn. It had two aims. One, you learnt a bit more about yourself, and two, you learnt how to behave in that type of environment. It was something fun, and they often stick the most."

"On the way back, Andy sent a few emails with ideas to help you learn more about yourself. He reminded me, in quite strong terms, that most of the extra learning you'd done has been as Jayne and you needed to learn as David too. I agree."

"So?" I enquired, rather eagerly. "You won't have been discussing this if something hadn't been decided. "

"Two different events were discussed. One is a traditional dinner dance, hence the enquiry about the dancing. The second was a charity gala. Both would have you as a young professional gentleman. Since men don't wear makeup, this is going to be quite a challenge."

"I don't have any skills to portray a professional anything."

"Neither of the two events are tomorrow. We wouldn't put you into a situation you weren't confident in. Also, you will have someone with you."

"Who?"

"That's undecided. Both Stacy and Brenda have volunteered. There was also quite a discussion if it should be all four of you and who should partner with who."

"Because of our cross-partner thing?" asked Helen.

"Partly," Rachel responded, guardedly.

"Mr Hobson can't wrap us in cotton wool," I added after realising he was worried since we'd been abducted.

"Indeed. I think he is less concerned now than he was on the plane, where a lot of these discussions took place."

"So, how do we prepare?" I enquired.

Helen giggled, and I noticed Rachel trying not to smile, but you could see amusement in her eyes.

"What?" I complained.

"I think one of the issues might be resolving itself," laughed Helen.

"Huh?" came out of my lips.

"Is this the first time you've heard David's voice like this?" Rachel asked Helen.

"I don't remember hearing it happen before."

"What?" I responded, listening to my voice. It sounded normal to me.

"Your voice suddenly dipped in pitch as you were talking and then went back to your old pitch," explained Rachel. "You know the other month that we discussed you were going through puberty. Well, this is just one of those things that happen."

I shifted so I could look directly at Helen. Her arm which had been around me fell as I moved, and I took her hands in mine. "Are you okay with this?" I asked, worried if it would impact our relationship.

"Er, yeah?!" exclaimed Helen, puzzled why I would be asking. "You are you and you are the person I love. Remember my commitment words. It is your heart and soul that I love. It doesn't matter to me if you look like David or Jayne; you are the same person who I love with all my heart."

As Helen spoke those words, I bit my bottom lip as I tried to stop myself crying. When she finished, she pointed to her commitment broach. "Never forget my words."

"I love you so much," I uttered, totally forgetting we were in Dr Rachel Ruiz office.

"Ahem," called Rachel, interrupting our smooch.

"Sorry," Helen and I uttered at the same time. I felt slightly embarrassed that I totally forgot where we were.

"It happens," brushed of Rachel. "Talking of amorous occasions. David, since your commitment ceremony how many times have you been sick?"

"Only the once," I smiled. "Thank you for helping me get that issue mostly under control."

"I'm sure Helen is equally grateful," Rachel smirked.

Helen blushed and tried to say something, but she couldn't put the words together.

"Look, my inquisitor hat is over there," said Rachel pointing to a stack of caps on her desk with different titles.

"I didn't get them," I quickly mentioned. "Students aren't allowed to purchase items for school."

"Oh, I know who got them," she snarled. "Anyway, back to you. That's what these discussions are about. Your GP investigates physical issues with the body and gives a treatment to fix problems. Your discussions with me are about investigating how you feel about situations and see if they are impacting your life. We found the cause of why you are being sick, and you are now starting to control the situation."

"Are you saying you might be able to do the same about how I feel about my gender?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes and no. A discussion and you experimenting might find you a presentation or details to make you more comfortable with yourself. You've not been able to explain what feels wrong, so things are a bit hit and miss. We also talk about things, as it might help shed light on how you feel – get you used to talking about things, and you might discover how to articulate how you feel about how you present and how others see you. I never promised it would be easy, but one thing I do promise, is I will never force a permanent change on you or tell you who you should be. It's your life and your body. I'm just here to help you discover yourself and aid you to live rather than survive."

"Can I ask a few questions?" I queried.

"Sure, and I will try to answer," responded Rachel. "This is chat for both of you. You don't have to ask formally, just ask. I'm here to help if I can."

"I've been growing, and just before we went away my clothes, which had been feeling a bit tight, had started fitting better again. Are our clothes being updated as we grow?"

"This is a school full of adolescents. You are always growing and changing. This is expected and clothes are updated every so often. Clothes are also changed because of the seasons. Its pointless having lots of thick clothes in the middle of summer, and you aren't going to be in shorts in the middle of winter. Items like trousers are designed to be let out a bit, and the bottom of the legs are turned up so there is room for growth. Sometimes we are caught out, but not often."

"When will my voice fully break?"

"How long is a piece of string?" Rachel retorted and quickly continued before I could complain. "No, that isn't me being evasive. For some it might take a few weeks, others there isn't any wobble, it just happens."

I thought for a moment, and neither Helen nor Rachel interrupted. Helen just gently squeezed my hand to let me know she was still supporting me. "I suppose it will help with initial impressions. When I speak, I will naturally sound like David. Perhaps this will help me feel less confused."

"Pitch is only one indicator. Think about those you know your age. There were one or two at The Manor whose voice had broken, but quite a number whose hadn't. If you take all the male voice on the ones that weren't broken you would still say they were male voices, and even though the female voices had similar pitch, you were still able to discern that they were female."

"Remember when you two had male lessons. There were many things discussed ranging from slightly different vocabulary to intonation. Pitch was only one of the pointers. I'm going to pick on the singer Cher. I'm so glad she doesn't hear these conversations as she would be totally fed up and mortified at being used as an example. However, she is such a good example. Her voice is deep for a female, but when you listen to her you wouldn't mistake her for male. "

"So, I'm doomed," I uttered my heart sinking. I'd been feeling really good, but now I felt so defective again.

"Not necessarily. We don't know how you will react. You might find your post puberty voice more comforting. You might naturally fit in with it and your presentation go with it. Who knows? At the minimum it might be more of a clue for people so even if you aren't fully male, it will give people enough clues to stop getting it wrong."

I again gave it some thought and smiled. "That would be a start. That must be the thing I hate the most, when I'm just being me, and people think I'm female. If that happens less, then that will be a start."

"So, lets see how you get on, and I will start organising you both to start working on how you might fit if you did go to a social event. "

* * *

Sleep is one of those funny times where you aren't thinking about a problem where a solution can suddenly appear. The downside is if you don't share the information, you sometimes just drift off and forget what gem you'd discovered.

"I know where I'd heard the voice from before," I suddenly announced, waking Helen.

"What?" asked Helen all groggy. I felt her turn round to look at me, even though the room was dark. With no outside streetlights, there wasn't the outline which I used to get when I lived with my parents.

"Sorry I woke you."

Helen came closer and I could feel her breath on my shoulder. "This isn't like you, so must be important. So, tell me."

"The chair of governors from the meeting earlier. I knew I'd heard the voice before, and it suddenly came to me."

"Oh?"

"She was the person who kept in the dark at meeting Andy and I had at the BAFTAs after party."

"Oh! So, why did she show her face today when she didn't when she spoke to you back then?"

I didn't have an answer to that, nor did Helen. We snuggled up and drifted back to sleep.

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