“Oh daddy…” I sobbed…happily. “It’s so good to see you.”

“I missed you too sweet heart.” He chuckled. “But we haven’t much time. I need to catch a flight back tomorrow morning.”

“Oh no…!” I sobbed.

“Don’t worry baby. I’ll be back before the year’s done.” He smiled that reassuring ‘daddy’ smile.

“I’ll leave you now.” The Dean said with a chuckle. “I have the feeling that I will want plausible deniability regarding this…” He grinned wryly and stared at each of us. “…meeting?”

“Okay ladies…” Dad chuckled. “Although I do enjoy a wee bit of female attention now and then…let’s all get a grip and sit down.”

Dad motioned us over to the Dean’s conference table. Upon it rested two gift wrapped boxes and his attaché case. Dad took a seat between us. Meh… But okay… At least I could hold his hand.

“I brought one for you.” He handed a box to Sammie. “And one for you…” He gave me mine. “But open your gifts later…perhaps after I leave. We have work that we need to get done.”

Dad took two manila envelopes out of his case. He handed one to each of us. They were thick. Upon opening my envelope, I saw several multi-paged documents. I gazed at him.

“What’s this stuff?”

“Oh…” He shrugged his shoulders. “The National Security Act… Non-disclosure agreement… One or two other similar documents… I tagged the pages that need to be signed before I can give you your new IDs.”

“I didn’t need to do this before and I have government clearance.” Sammie muttered as she looked over the forms.

“This is a little bit different Sam.” My dad’s gaze was strong…his ‘no nonsense’ gaze at its very best. “This will get you into any data bank you need. M.I.T….Stanford…Caltech…how about JPL…?”

Sammie simply stared at dad in disbelief.

“You can even access work we have going on right here.” He grinned mischievously. “But…like everything else in life…it does come with a price. One of the inserts deals with who you can communicate information to and who you can’t. And you’ll be tracked…of course. Ultimately your control has the final say in terms of any disclosure of information.”

“Our control…?”

None of this made sense to me. But I could rely on Sammie to figure it out.

“Who’s our control?” Sammie asked, wide eyed.

“Well I am of course…” Dad laughed. “After all, I’m the one responsible for you getting this clearance.”

“But what about ‘J and J’…? Technically this is their project.”

“Technically…it still is…for the next what…nine months…maybe?” Dad smiled calmly. “Then after that what? You need to go begging for funding again?”

“How the fuck…” She just shook her head.

Sammie was thinking ‘how did he know that’. I knew that look already from her helping me.

“And what will you have to show them?” Dad asked softly.

“Not much…” Sammie sighed. “Progress has been way too slow.”

“Are we going to be like…spies or something?” Leave it to me to stay on point.

“No sweet heart…” Dad chuckled. “Spies are easy to get. And they don’t have this high a clearance. Plus which…I’m not in the spy business. That’s basically the brawn. I’m in the brain business. And only brains get this kind of clearance.”

“I don’t understand.” Truly…! Epically…!

“Sign the papers sweet heart and everything will be made clear.”

Sammie and I looked at each other. I nodded and began to sign stuff. I figured that what dad didn’t explain Sammie could figure out. It took some time for us to get all the signing and initialing finished.

“Now I understand what Leon meant.” Sammie smiled sadly. “I feel like I’m signing my life away.”

“If you didn’t…there would be something seriously wrong with you.” Dad snickered. “Think of this as signing your old life away for an entirely new one…if you truly want it.”

Dad quickly took the papers from us and stowed them in his case. Then he presented each of us with bill fold ID cards and a gold and blue shield badge of the Department of the Navy. Sammie was shocked. I thought it looked really dope!

“What the fuck…!” Sammie really was stunned. She stared up at my dad. “What’s this mean? What’s this all about?”

“Sammie…!” My dad was not big on profane language. “Please…!” I whined.

“Well Sammie… You now officially have the ability to classify any information you deem necessary. That means you don’t need to tell ‘J and J’ squat.” He chuckled.

Reaching into his case yet again, dad pulled out another two envelopes and handed them to Sammie. He spoke as he handed each one to her.

“This one outlines the security measures you will need to take in your lab. It basically says that nothing leaves your lab without your knowledge…nor should anything leave you lab at any time without your personal okay. That means no paperwork, flash drives, memos, hardware, and especially software… This…”

He handed the stunned Sammie the second envelope.

“This is the paperwork required to apply for funding from us.” Sammie turned paler than her usual shade of pale. “I think the work you want to do is quite important and essential on many levels. We could fund you for say…oh...ten years or so? And if you need a larger lab…or different personnel…which I know you desperately need…we can supply both.”

“How much do you know about what we’re trying to do?” Sammie was still trying to get her bearings on what was happening.

“Everything… ‘J and J’ make a lot of money off of us. I spoke to their head of research and development and I assure you it didn’t take much convincing to let us have you. But that’s only if you want to be had. I figure that...oh…say…twenty million dollars should keep you going for a while.”

“What…!” Sammie’s jaw dropped. “That’s a ton of money.”

“Not really…” Dad chuckled. “A single F-18 costs about sixty eight million dollars…and that’s not even carrier ready. So what’s twenty million for AI development for prosthetics?”

“Well…?”

Sammie was still processing. I was more than happy to leave that part to her…as usual.

“What does the Navy want with smart prosthetics?” A fair question…

“We want to weaponize your research.”

“What…?”

“Daddy…! Be serious.” I whined.

Dad laughed and scooted back in his chair. He began to lift his right trouser cuff far enough to reveal his prosthetic lower leg. It was the result of the horrific car crash the killed my grandparents. He was in the back seat at the time. But as the car flipped over and over again, his leg became mangled in the wreckage.

“Personal reasons…shall we say…?” He grinned and returned to the table.

Sammie sat back and sighed her relief. My dad does have a wicked sense of humor.

“Now… Where does Emmie fit into all of this?” Dad patted my hand.

“She has unique abilities.” Sammie sat up and became quite excited. “Emmie is literally eating up programming like it’s nothing. That coupled with her ability to do the math…?” Sammie grinned and shook her head. “I anticipate her contributing greatly to what we’re trying to do.”

“So… You need a programmer who can do the math.”

And so the sad tale of Jessie’s inability to function…derp…unfolded. Her incompetence was revealed in its entire tragic splendor.

“Fill out the app and she’s gone the next day.” Dad smiled slyly. “You can use any excuse you want. You could tell her that she doesn’t pass the security check. I have someone out at Cal Tech who can be here next week. And the best part is you won’t need to pay him. We already have him on our payroll and he loves to go wherever we send him.”

Sammie just stared at dad in amazement.

“So…” Dad sly smile still showing… “Are you two playing house yet?” He chuckled.

“Sammie lives on campus.” I said sadly and gazed at her. “But she’s moving off campus in December.” I perked up. “So I’ll get to see more of her.”

“Renting…? Or buying…?”

“Renting… I don’t draw much but I’m saving for a place.” She finally grinned.

“Fill out the app and you can draw…oh…say…two hundred thousand a year…to start?”

“Why do I feel like I’m sitting with the devil and I’m about to sign away my soul?” Sammie laughed. But she was serious as well.

My dad leaned toward her and smiled.

“There are plenty of people who think I am the devil. But those are the people that get left behind. They’re collateral damage of their own making.” Dad paused for a moment. Sammie was enrapt. “It’s a very tough world out there full of animals of various sorts. And whilst there are wolves aplenty, I’m more like the tiger. I do get what I want.”

Sammie’s wheels were spinning. I could sense it…feel it.

“Now… There is a caveat to this deal. I understand exactly what you’re trying to do. Maybe not every little detail… But enough…”

Sammie cut him short.

“I’m a scientist and an engineer before everything else. I can’t report what I can’t prove.” She said quite firmly.

My dad smiled.

“Good… We’ve had challenges with exactly that in the past. I’m not the end all in seeing what you’re doing. But I’m the one who does determine whether anyone else should see it. And…to be quite honest…money does peculiar things to people…to their research."

Sammie seemed to understand what dad was saying and nodded.

“Look…” Daddy was tacking into the wind. “This is the deal of a lifetime. This is where you can really make your mark and come up with something new and important. And…” He paused and raised his index finger for emphasis. “Do you seriously think I would let my baby…” He put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me. “…do anything that wasn’t totally as above board?”

There wasn’t anything Sammie could say or do except smile and shake her head. After agreeing to fill out the app, my dad insisted upon seeing her lab. Now I mentioned that my dad is a DILF. Not a single female eye failed to notice him. Tall, cropped silver hair, broad shoulders, and a strong piercing gaze always seemed to get him noticed. So naturally every woman on our way to the lab stole a glimpse.

From inside the observation room, we could see everyone busily doing their jobs. My dad placed his arms around both of us as he stood silently and…well…observed? Knowing him, I could imagine dad taking in every little detail. We stood like that for several minutes.

“It appears you run a tight ship.” He finally said. “How carefully are your people screened?”

Dad’s eyes never left the room.

“Screened…?”

“I’m fairly confident J and J would be concerned about industrial espionage.” Dad leaned down to kiss the top of my head. Warm fuzzies…

“Uhhh…” Sammie was speechless.

“Not to worry…” Dad smiled gently. “I’ll take care of that. It shouldn’t present any problems and it’s SOP.”

Dad had seen enough. Smiling and grasping my hand, he led us out of the observation room and back into university land.

“Well…” He turned toward Sammie. “I’m duly impressed. I think with the funds inflow and what…a competent DCS – DCE…? You should make some fairly remarkable progress. You certainly have a strong candidate for the math end of things.” He chuckled and hugged me close.
Sammie blushed and glanced at me and grinned.

“She might just do.” She snickered.

“And now I wish to steal my daughter away from you.” Dad’s smiled was so…so heavenly. “I don’t have much time here and I don’t get to see her nearly as often as I should. Of course that could change now. I’ll need to visit and check up on things.” He smiled slyly. “It gives me an excuse to joy ride on a fast mover.”

“That’s a really fast jet.” I grinned. “Like a fighter jet or something.”

“So… Where should we meet up?”

“My place would be good.” Sammie reached into her pocket and gave me the key. “Emmie knows where it is.”

“Well… Maybe Emme can show me around campus and we’ll come back for the car.”

That was definitely a solid idea. I wasn’t quite sure how to drive there from the school. I’d only ever walked. And although my dad had seen the campus several times when I was applying and first came here, there was major construction going on and he was curious to see the changes.

As we walked toward the library, dad’s arm around my shoulder, I had to ask.

“Dad…?”

“Yes sweet heart…”

“How did you know Sammie would show up at the Federal building?”

“I didn’t know. I was shit testing her.”

That was the second time my dad used a four-letter word! We really did need to see more of each other.

“What’s a…shit test?”

Dad chuckled.

“I judge people by what they do and not what they say. And as you well know…there is a difference.”

And know well I did. From people like Jessie who could hide it for a while to some of the crazies I met who said I wasn’t gender dysphoric; only depressed…or schizo…or something.

“Sam knew you well enough to know this was a little daunting for you? If she accompanied you there, then she’s definitely the right one for you. And the right one she must be. You look almost too well…alive…if that even exists.” Dad chuckled. “You must be happy.”

“I am…” I giggled and blushed. “Sammie’s…? She’s amazing.”

“Have you told her about…”

“Dad…!” Oh my God… “She knows and she doesn’t care that I have one.”

“I wasn’t talking about that.” Dad sighed. “That’s strictly a matter of anatomy. I’m asking whether Sam knows about your…condition…your challenge.”

“No…” My shoulders hunched and I sighed.

“You really should tell her. If you have an episode…she won’t know what’s going on and that’s not fair to her. The last thing we need is a panicked call from her.”

“Yeah… You’re right daddy. I just need to find the right time.”

“There is no right time sweet heart.” Dad was firm. “If Sam’s everything you think she is…she’ll be more than receptive. Just show her your pills and tell her what they’re for. It’s the right thing to do.”

“I know daddy.” I sighed. “You’re right…as usual.”

“Oh baby…” Dad shook his head and smiled. “In a few years you’ll have some of the answers as well. I’m not smarter. I’m just older.”

He was right of course. Sammie only saw a minor boogie-woogie when I was simply worried about dad coming. I didn’t even need a blue pill; the white ones were for real emergencies. The white ones caused me to drop off the ceiling and gave the cats in my bag some catnip for a while. The blue ones simply chilled me out.

But how do I explain it? Yet another big it…? The ‘pros’ have a lot of fancy words to describe it. But the general theme was always the same. OCD…of course… But sometimes, when the moon is in the right phase, and we have…as daddy would say…’fair winds and following seas’…and an 'outgoing tide with an onshore breeze', I would melt down…majorly.

Of course it was all me. I had this need to be perfect. Now I don’t mean simply the ‘star of the show’. I mean totally perfect. That is…all things to all people. And when my own expectations aren’t met, ba-da-boom! It could be one wrong answer on an exam. It might only be one point on the test. But it wasn’t perfect.

If I had a water spot on a plate I’d washed, I would do the entire thing again. The very mundane things I found such refuge in could easily send that sack of angry cats screaming. The heavens forbid I forget to iron out a wrinkle in a blouse or something.

But what would never cease to cause a major meltdown was when I’d ‘get lost’ in my never ending desire to solve puzzles. I wouldn’t eat or sleep till the task was completed. And if the task went on for more than a couple of days, I would simply fall apart from sheer physical exhaustion.

Now how am I going to explain that to a woman who is a workaholic…a perfectionist…and is counting on me to take up the slack in her lab? Why is my life so…so freaking weird?

“I’d forgotten just how beautiful this campus is.”

Dad had been commenting as we walked but I was so totally lost in thought that I didn’t hear him. But I did catch his last comment.

“Have you eaten today?”

“Uhhh…” Derp…

“I smell a burger in your future.” Dad said softly. “We’ll have something to eat and you’ll see things more clearly.”

Of course dad was right. And on both accounts no less… Sammie had seen only a mild example of a minor melt down. To her credit she knew what to do and although it wasn’t much...it was enough. But now I was torn about being that ‘needy’ girlfriend. I was torn about needing an instruction manual for Sammie to deal with a slightly…well…maybe a little more than slightly…crazy girl.

We strolled around the lake and I showed dad ‘our place’ beneath the tree. Once back at the engineering school, dad took me to his car and he navigated back to Sammie’s. The entire way I was thinking about what…and how…to tell Sammie my ‘other little secret’. It would need to be after dad left for the evening.

When Sammie finally returned from the lab, dad and I were sitting on the couch enjoying just being family. My half-brother Bridger…we all called him Bridge…was our topic of conversation. Like my dad, Bridge went to the ‘boat school’. That’s what they called the Naval Academy. And, like my dad, he was in ‘the boats’.

We couldn’t communicate as much as we would have liked because he was always either training or beneath the waves on an attack submarine. He was promoted to executive officer at a fairly young age and was getting ready to become a sub captain; that’s at least a lieutenant commander. I would send him a message via the internet and whenever he came back from a patrol, he’d call and we’d talk for more than an hour.

Nothing…well…almost nothing…was better than when I could go and visit him. He tended to live on whatever base he was stationed and I loved when he’d take me to see the particular sub he was on. I even went with him to visit his mom. She was crazy…but in a nice way. She simply couldn’t handle the periods of being alone when my dad was away on a patrol.

Sammie was very interested in the technology involved with living on a nuclear sub. There were so many different systems involved and dad told her what he could. She thought it interesting that there were now women serving aboard subs. Sammie even said she would have considered submarines had she been inclined to join the Navy.

Dad took us to to dine at an El Salvadorian restaurant near campus. Neither of us ever even heard of it. But dad…being a Navy man and all…knew all the places to eat in more towns and cities than anyone can even imagine. Sometimes I think he only knows where he’s been by where he’s eaten!

The conversation was pleasant and totally non work related. Dad did ask the one difficult question.

“So…” He grinned wickedly. “When are you two going to stop playing house and move in together?”

Sammie grinned sheepishly and I simply blushed profusely. Of course the wine with dinner didn’t help. It turns my neck…and other areas…red. And I could tell the question put Sammie in an uncomfortable position.

“Well sir…” She lilted…thankfully because I had no real answer as to when, where, why or how. “I do need to move off campus and…”Sammie glanced at me. “I would like to take this one with me. That is if you have no objections.”

“Renting…?” He asked.

“Yeah… I don’t have enough for a down payment on anything…yet.” She frowned.

“Wrong thinking…” My dad really held back. “You should be looking for a buy. Preferably it should be a house. Condo associations and their rules generally suck. People with too much time on their hands and no lives...”

“Yeah… But…”

Dad cut her off.

“You’ll have enough once this grant goes through. The salary alone is enough to swing the costs plus living and with something to bank. And I could co-sign whatever you might need as a mortgage. As for the down payment…first find something you like and then we can discuss it.”

“And your daughter…? Is it alright with you?” Sammie asked almost timidly and reached for my hand.

“She’s going to live with you regardless of what I say. But…” Dad paused and sighed. “I give you both my blessing anyway.” He leaned in toward Sammie. “I do appreciate your asking. It shows the kind of person you are. And that’s the kind of person I want having around Emmie. A serious and caring person.”

He paused and glanced away for a moment.

“And by now you realize that I’m a very serious person. So there you have it. But I must warn you…” His wicked grin was almost comical. “At her age…and yours…you’re bordering on the definition of child rape in the State of Florida. So I’d keep it low keyed until she turns eighteen. Or you can pray I give you written consent.” He chuckled.

“It would certainly be amazing to host you when you do come down.” Sammie offered. “We could get plenty done.”

“I will definitely look forward to that.” He reached out to take our hands. “That way I can spend more time outside the lab…with my girls.”

Warm fuzzies…again…

Saying our goodbyes was…painful. My heart dropped into my tummy and my tears did flow. Even Sammie felt something although I suspect it was more for my pain than my dad leaving. She told me she was envious that I truly had family…small as it was. But that’s just who my people are. My dad and my half-brother are good men and they are also real men.

Sammie brought the two gift boxes back from school. My dad really didn’t want us to open them until he was gone. Well…? He was gone. Sammie ripped into her box and the moment she opened it she burst out laughing.

“Your dad is truly an epic trip!” She pulled out a stuff toy kitten. “Does this give him license to kill me now?” She laughed. “It’s adorable.” She rubbed the soft furry on her cheek.

I opened mine to find the very same thing only different in coloration. The kitten was so life like and so totally cute that I hugged it to my face as if it was alive. We both had the warm fuzzies.

That night after doing our nightly routine, we laid in each other’s embrace deriving pleasure in the touch of another warm body and living soul. In our mutual and very comfortable silence, we relived the events of the day. Suddenly Sammie giggled.

“You know something baby girl… Men should wear skirts and dresses and women should wear pants.” She muttered.

“Wait… What…?”

“Now I’m certainly not complaining about women wearing short skirts and dresses. It does make life…interesting…for me?” She kissed my cheek. “But guys have that junk that hangs down and probably could use the extra room.” Sammie turned toward me. “You know…like a kilt or something?”

“What are you talking about?” Seriously…? “They’d need to wear panties or something.”

“But that’s the point. They wouldn’t…or maybe shouldn’t wear anything underneath.” She giggled. “And for those women who are dumb enough to love the dick…it makes advertising that much easier.”

Cringe…! The visual of some random guy lifting his…kilt? Cringe…!

“And I thought I was weird…” I cringed…again!

“It’s just a random thought.” Sammie snickered as she hugged me.

“Okay…” I rolled her back over with me atop. Or should I say she let me roll her over? “How’s this for random?” I grinned down at her. “I would really love to have your babies.”

“Oh God…” Sammie sighed and shook her head. “It’s a good thing Pat didn’t hear that.”

“Why…?”

“She would say…‘That is so lesbian’.”

“But is it? I mean...girls in…” Word loss…

“What…? Normal relationships…?” Sammie was annoyed.

“No… Let’s just say in relationships that involve dick. They want to have their partners’ babies. I bet even gay guys too.”

“Well I’m sure as hell not having yours.”

“I know.” I sighed and rolled off her. “You can’t. Not with me anyway…”

“I’m sorry.” Now she rolled back atop me…sort of. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Yeah…” Another sigh… “I know. But I do have something important to tell you.”

Sammie could see I was serious. I mean…it was now or never…sort of…

“I sometimes get…emotional?”

“Sometimes…?” She snickered. “You cry…I don’t know how many times in a day.”

“Yeah…” I smiled softly. “But I don’t mean that. It’s more like a melt down?”

“Oh… Like over the past two days…?”

“Yeah… Only that was a softball game.” Another sigh… “I’ve had major league, bottom of the ninth inning, last game of the world series melt downs.”

Sammie stared at me. She was processing what I’d just told her.

“Hospitalization…?” She asked without any expression on her face. The scientist mode… Clinical…of course…

“A few times… But only twenty four hour admits… They’d give me something to calm me down and then watch me for a day.” I quickly added.

“But I haven’t had one in quite some time. I have a little blue pill for panic and anxiety and a white one for melt downs.”

Sammie stared at me for the longest few moments. Then she rolled off me and broke into hysterical laughter.

“Sammie…! It’s not funny.” I whined.

“So…” Tears of laughter still rolled down her cheeks. “The woman I totally adore not only has a dick…but she’s also a psycho? Those are my ultimate two deal breakers of all time. Dick and psycho…”

“Sammie…!” Now I was becoming upset.

“But what I can’t seem to figure out...is why I don’t really give a shit about that. Not when it comes to you.”