Jenni's Dilemma

Jenni's Dilemma

 

By Roxanne Michelle Roseberry

 
Jenni has something to tell her mother, but she's scared of how she'll react. Can she find the courage to tell her or will she need her twin sister Jessica's help?


Author's note: This would ideally have accompanying images and be a children's story, but alas I don't really have the time or skill to bring those images to life myself. This story is copyright © to me, please so do not reproduce or distribute without my consent.


 
Jenni was very scared as she walked into the kitchen to talk to her mother. Her sister Jessica wanted to come with her. They were twins and did nearly everything together, but this was something that she needed to do on her own.

She was eight years old and she knew that she was different than her sister, but she couldn’t understand why. They looked very similar and many people could only tell them apart from the boy clothes that Jenni usually had to wear but she had something that her sister did not. Her parents had told her once that this was because she was a boy like her big brother Peter.

Jenni did not feel like a boy. She knew deep down that she was a girl. She did not like the clothes that she had to wear or playing with her brother and the neighborhood boys. Some of the sports were okay, but she would much rather spend time with Jessica and her friends. Their games were better and she would sometimes get to play dress-up with her sister’s clothes. She liked when they played dress-up, she did not feel like she had to pretend to be a boy, she could be herself.

She wanted to feel like that all the time. But her parents had explained the differences between boys and girls and that her body was that of a boy. They used some big words that she did not really understand, but they seemed sure. But that was on the outside. She wondered if there was something inside her that was different, something that made her a girl.

She was afraid to speak and she just wanted her mother to tell her stories like she usually did when one of her children was upset. She would always start with the words, “You are a legend, for your deeds have been great and the tales of your heroism are many.” Then she would tell stories about things they had done, making it sound like a big adventure. Jenni wanted that now, but she feared that her mother would be angry instead.

She thought about all of these things as she watched her mother cleaning the dishes. Then she tugged nervously at the dress that she wore, that she had borrowed from her sister. It was not the dress that made her uncomfortable. No, it made her feel more confident, it made her feel like herself. She was scared about what her mother would say.

“Momma,” she spoke in a scared voice. To tell the truth, it sounded more like a squeak than a speak.

“Yes, Jessica?” her mother asked as she turned around. For a moment she gave Jenni a long and strange look. Then she asked, “James, why are you wearing your sister’s clothes?”

“Momma,” she declared as she tried very hard not to cry, “I am wearing girl clothes because I am a girl.”

Jenni’s mother sighed and looked thoughtfully at her child. Ever since Jenni had first asked why she could not dress like her sister and the other girls she had been doing a lot of reading, and thinking, and talking with Jenni’s father about it. She had discovered that sometimes people who are girls inside may look like boys on the outside and that some boys may be born looking like girls. There were even ways to make those children match who they were inside on the outside, though it would take time and patience.

“I have never heard of a girl named James,” Jenni’s mother said thoughtfully. Jenni was afraid that she was going to tell her to put her yucky boy clothes back on and could feel herself starting to cry until her mother spoke again. “You can’t be James then, so what is your name?”

“J-j-jenni,” her child stammered, tears falling down her face.

Jenni’s mother scooped her up in her arms and sat at the kitchen table, holding her and rocking her in her arms. “Shhhh, don’t cry. There is nothing to cry about or fear because you are Jennifer. You are a legend, your deeds have been great and the tales of your heroism are many.”

“I remember the time that you and Jessica battled alongside your father to bake me a birthday cake. The battle in the kitchen spread far and wide and the destruction was great, but the three of you emerged victorious with a chocolate cake with pink frosting. The cleanup afterward was long and difficult, but not once did you or Jessica complain. You fought fiercely against the dirty dishes and made your parents proud that day,” Jenni’s mother told her as she wiped tears away.

Jenni looked up and her mother smiled down at her as she gently told her, “You are my child. I do not love you for the body you were born in, I love you for who you are inside. If that is Jennifer instead of James then all that matters to me is that you are happy.”

Jessica ran into the kitchen from where she had been listening and hugged her mother and her twin. She knew that Jenni could do it. And if she could not do it alone then Jessica would have been there with her. She was worried though and she could tell that her sister was too so she asked. “Momma? What about Daddy and Peter and all of the other people that think Jenni is a boy?”

The girls’ mother put her arms around both of her daughters. “The journey might be dangerous and the battles great, but we will face them together. We will be victorious together too, and do you girls know why?”

“Why Momma?” The pair of girls asked as Jenni was still sniffling and crying. They were not tears of fear though, these were tears of happiness.

Their mother merely smiled and said, “Jessica, you stood ready to wage battle in your sister’s name when she was frightened to tell me who she really was. There is no greater sister or friend in all the land.” Jessica beamed proudly as she nodded.

She turned then to Jenni and added, “Jennifer, you were afraid the whole time, but still you found the courage to declare to me that you know who you are inside, even if the whole world may think differently. That courage will see you through whatever you face.” She softly brushed Jenni's hair with her fingers as Jenni sniffled, bit her lip, and tried to smile for her mother.

Their mother kissed both girls on the forehead and then spoke again with a smile that showed the love she had for both of her daughters. “And I once carried two baby girls in my belly for nine whole months. Then I fought the Beast of Labor for seventeen hours to bring them safely into this world. We can do anything together because we are legends. Our deeds have been great and the tales of our heroism are many.”



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