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Mike and Carol have been generously helping me with mom, so I don't get overwhelmed, but that has led me to struggle with guilt. Mike has his own struggles, and that makes me feel like I should be taking more of the load so he doesn't have to.
Fortunately at the moment I am able to recognize that making sure I don't burn out is actually doing good for Mom, so I'm resisting the guilt.
At least, for now.
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John Wooden
Sports at their purest reveal our humanity.
John Wooden personified "pure" sports. He was an All-American player and the best college basketball coach -- ever.
He said, "Be more concerned about your character than your reputation. Character is what you really are. Reputation is what people say you are. Reputation is often based on character - but not always."
Guilt often happens when we become too concerned about reputation and forget who we really are.
You have displayed amazing character. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Like another John (Glenn) you seem to be a person with the right stuff who always tries to do the right thing.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Pastor Ed Trevors
Even though I was indoctrinated in the Lutheran Church I'm not a christian. Still I find Ed Trevors videos to be helpful in my search. He's an Anglican Pastor who has been surprisingly helpful for me this year,
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UlBx0aRfNk
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5qv_WISMA4
Your friend
Crash
(Long ago) My shrink told me ...
... that if she had a magic wand, and she could 'blow away' one emotion -
She'd do away with guilt.
Does us no good, does the other parties no good, messes us up, interferes with Now, and taints memories of the Past.
About the only use for guilt I think of is "if I do/do not do "X", then I will feel guilt/remorse/sad/whatever ..."
It's just a guide for >future< actions.
Past is past, just learn and carry on. Guilt, rehashing, "if only...", "I shoulda ..." all of this is negative value (except for learning something, and it's often 'don't do that again'.
Just learn, and carry on.
=== === ===
Even if the other people 'have their own troubles', you can maybe "off load" each other a bit. Like this: I have trouble with X, you have trouble with Y. But I can help you a bit with your Y, you can help me a bit with my X.
===
Try this exercise: You have this magic mental switch for "Guilt On/Guilt Off".
Flip it to "Guilt On"
- does the other person's life change any? I bet 'no'.
- does your life change any? I bet you feel miserable.
Flip to magic switch to "Guilt Off"
- does the other person's life change any? I bet 'no'.
- does your life change any? I bet you feel way less bad.
The only thing guilt On/Off changes is how you feel - and that affects how well you can deal with 'Everything Else'. The other person gets no benefit, unless we learn to >choose< to do differently next time - at this point, the guilt has completed it 'purpose', so we trash-bin it and move on).