After our lengthy dinner and conversation about an appropriate punishment for H3lls-Pwn I was encouraged by all of my dinner companions to go back to bed and rest for the remainder of the evening. I had considered arguing that I was just fine, but I knew that that would have been a lie. I was still tired and my shoulder ached as the healing magic continued to do its work. So, after Rei had made sure that I took something for the pain and discomfort, I was escorted back to my rooms by Naerysse, who helped me to disrobe and tucked me into bed.

I laid there awake for some time staring at the ceiling and thinking about everything that had happened so far in the game, and what would happen with H3lls-Pwn the next day. It wasn’t that I couldn’t sleep, I was certainly feeling drained enough for it. It was more that something about the Wild Hunt, and the punishment to follow, had me feeling uncomfortable. There was this lingering feeling of wrongness about it, but I wasn’t sure where it was coming from.

They certainly deserved it and, to my surprise, I had no issues with either the Wild Hunt itself or magically meted-out punishments. I guessed that Fae justice was just one of those things that I had accepted about my new self in the game since getting my new perspective. It was traditional, and proper, or at least it was to those of us who had learned Fae Culture. Even though it seemed to me that I should be happy with the results, something still nagged at the back of my mind.

“This should fix everything, shouldn’t it?” I asked myself. “H3lls-Pwn gets a richly deserved punishment, the Fae get to feel like justice has been served, and the Humans won’t have to fear reprisals like they have been. Everybody wins, right?”

“Except that everyone won’t win. Yes we Fae will get our justice, those assholes will be punished, and the Humans won’t have to fear reprisals… this time. If we start with Fae justice right out of the gate, from that moment on the Humans will be walking on eggshells around us, fearing vengeance with each and every slight. A true alliance cannot be founded when one party fears the other. If we’re going to work and co-exist together then we need to show that we mean to work with them, not just expect them to suffer each decision we make silently.” The answer came unbidden from the back of my mind, striking me like a bullet to the chest, and let me tell you from personal experience, that’s pretty damn hard.

I sighed as I considered that revelation. “I wouldn’t be objecting so much if both the crime and punishment had happened on Fae lands. I made sure that it was in our agreement that Fae lands were under Fae law and Human’s must show respect when they enter, and do so at their own risk. It makes sense for us to use the traditional Fae forms of punishment in the Fae Glade. They pulled their ambush outside Fae lands though, and we’re going to be waiting to enact the punishment in the village square. That makes it feel an awful lot like we’re forcing our laws upon the Humans without giving them a choice in the matter, but they need to be involved and approve of any punishment in the village, especially in this case. This is the event that could determine the entire future of our alliance and whether it goes well, or badly.”

I knew it was just a game, and I probably shouldn’t be taking any of this too seriously, but the whole thing bothered me, eating away at my thoughts enough to even distract me from the body dysphoria. Despite my body issues, I could see myself identifying as Fae, when I knew damn well that I was human and that this was just a game. Since I had used Nature’s Call I had been feeling this strange and powerful connection between me and the other Fae, the magic of this world and even, no especially, Amoiraishe. I felt invested, like all of this really mattered, that it was important, and that we needed to succeed.

This was the first time that I had ever felt so connected to anyone or anything other than my mom, my sister, or Jess, and the strength of that bond surprised and scared me. Was I getting too into my character? I didn’t think so, since the dysphoria hadn’t seemed to lessen any and I wasn’t parading around naked and having sex with anyone who caught my eye. Perhaps it was just a point of pride? I had made an agreement with the village on behalf of the Fae, so of course I would feel for them and not want to risk destroying what I had already built up.

I usually wasn’t this deep a thinker, or at least not that I could recall. Not being very socially invested in life, I usually just let things unfold around me and either reacted or considered my actions as I needed to. I knew that it wasn’t real, but the game certainly felt it and nearly dying changes one’s perspective, as does being responsible for the lives of others. Perhaps that was the cause of my sudden introspection and concerns about doing something that may damage the alliance. Regardless of whatever their source may be though, those thoughts seemed to continually circle in my head, like a frantic animal chasing its own tail, until my exhaustion finally caught up with me and I fell into the warm embrace of slumber.

I felt much better when I awoke early the next morning, physically at least. My shoulder seemed to be completely healed and I was feeling fairly energetic. I just laid there for several minutes with my eyes closed and Rei spooned up against me with his arm around my waist while I thought about the events of yesterday and what would possibly happen today. Unlike when I woke yesterday there was no momentary confusion about where I was or whether it was all real. Nope, I had accidentally pinched one of my breasts while shifting position, talk about a rude awakening. Even if I hadn’t done that though, Rei’s morning wood poking me insistently from behind would have been enough to remind me of my new (virtual) reality.

If I had had any delusions about getting being able to cover my body and keep the dysphoria to a minimum then I was to be soon be relieved of them. As I lay there pondering what to do about the whole situation between H3lls-Pwn, the Fae, and the village a knock at the bedroom door broke me from my musings. Naerysse’s voice called through the closed door, “It is time to prepare for the day Your Highness, and I am running a hot bath for you.”

“I’m coming Naerysse,” I responded, loud enough for her to hear without waking Rei. Since the Nymph had senses as sharp as any other Fae, I didn’t have to raise my voice to do so. Reluctantly, I slipped out of Rei’s embrace and padded my way across the bedroom to open the door, where I was greeted by my attendant’s smiling face. “Good morning,” I offered politely as I tried to ignore our nakedness and the dysphoria that was already scrabbling at my brain.

“Good morning Your Highness, I hope that you are feeling better today.” Her smile really lit up her face, but there was concern in her eyes.

I gave her as much of a smile as I could manage in return as I replied. “Much better Naerysse, thank you.” As much as I genuinely liked my attendant, well she was a Nymph, she was extremely beautiful, and we were both naked. When you added in the fact that Fae in general have a much elevated libido compared to Humans, and the enhanced senses that made the Nymph’s near-constant arousal impossible to miss, well my body was reacting.

It was reacting in the wrong way though, a way solely reserved for those of the female persuasion and that warm wetness between my legs and the near painful ache in my nipples as my breath quickened, brought not pleasure, but pain. I felt so horribly wrong, the natural reactions of my body feeling unnatural and filling me with not only lust, but an anguish and bone-deep sense of shame, self-loathing, and a desperate need to fix the wrongness of my body that quickly doused any lust or desire that remained. It was an instant, soul-wrenching cold shower and I had to try and fend off the growing anxiety attack as Naerysse led me to the bathroom and got me settled in the tub.

Don’t let anyone ever tell you that gender dysphoria is a mere ‘discomfort’ with one’s body. I had never truly imagined what people like Jess and Danielle had to go through and I felt truly horrible about that. I suppose that for some it could be uncomfortable, but for me it went against the very core of my being. It was a raw, constantly burning, and naked vulnerability, like someone had thrown a switch in my soul and I was now laying in the dark uncertainty of the wrong gender while all those things that made me male inside were being bathed in acid for each little bit of femininity I encountered.

It’s like you’re a really rabid sports fan, one of those guys who shows up for every game of your team dressed up in the jersey, face painted, carrying one of those big flags, and every outward indication being that you live and breathe that team. Now picture that through some cruel twist of fate, despite how hard you might try to fight it, that you were forced to do the same, but for your team’s arch-rival; wearing their jersey, their colors, and looking to all the world like their biggest fan. Inside you want to scream out for your home team, but you know that dressed as you are people are going to hate you, treat you like a traitor, or just kick your ass on general principle. Now imagine that it’s not a jersey and some face paint that can be removed, and it’s not just during games. It’s every waking minute and it’s your whole body, right down to your bones, looking like it’s cheering for the wrong team while your soul screams out in protest at every way that your body betrays you and every time people treat you like you’re a member of your arch-rival’s team.

So, once again, as Naerysse bathed and pampered me in what seemed like every feminine way possible and my body was shouting “Female! Female! Shish boom bah!” I retreated deep into my mind, trying to ignore the girly-ness happening outside and hoping that maybe Team Male could eke out a win. I wasn’t going to place any bets though. It would have been a sucker’s bet anyway, since by the time I had been bathed, had my hair washed and conditioned, and was completely dried I was far too aware of how feminine I looked and felt as my attendant brushed out and then carefully re-styled my hair in its usual elaborate style.

Apparently, since Amoiraishe thought that we needed to play up the Fae angle while we went to the village to seek justice, I wouldn’t have my choice of clothes again today. It wasn’t so much an outfit as a lack of one. Since we would be going into the village, and had to obey their laws, all the Fae, even the Nymphs, would be wearing clothing, but we were really going to be pushing the bounds of common decency. I blanched as I saw the outfit Naerysse had laid out on the couch before me.

“I… I can’t go out in that!” I quickly protested.

The Nymph gave me a sympathetic look and nodded as she softly sighed. “I know how you feel Your Highness, I will be wearing something similar, but we have promised to obey the Humans’ laws while in their village. At least it will not completely hide your body.”

“I’ll say, it will hardly cover anything!” It wasn’t that I had any sense of modesty whatsoever, I was pretty sure that had been purged from me during character generation. No, my problem was that this ‘outfit’ was not only very feminine, but I would be showing a lot of skin, which would in turn make me self-conscious about my very female body and probably make my dysphoria go through the roof. Just looking at it on the couch was causing every last bit of male in me to scream in protest.

“I do not really care for clothes myself Your Highness, but I think you’ll look very fetching in this,” Naerysse offered with a smile.

The outfit consisted of a gold-hued chainmail bikini top with a silk inner layer in the cups so it wouldn’t chafe my far too sensitive breasts, with a golden chain connecting from the underside of each cup, like a pair of erotic suspenders, to another golden chain that was supposed to act as a belt, but hung off my hips suggestively. Sheer crimson panels of a gossamer fabric hung from each link the belt chain, acting not so much as a skirt, but fluttering loosely and annoyingly around my legs down to my ankles with each motion. If it hadn’t been for the crimson silk bikini bottom underneath I would have been exposed with every step. Completing the outfit were a pair of gold sandals that laced up almost to my knees and a golden arm band on each of my upper arms with more sheer crimson panels fluttering loosely down to my wrists, were they were secured with golden bracelets.

Somehow she managed to convince me to try the damn thing on, okay so maybe she had hidden all of my other clothes at some point while I was asleep thereby leaving me with no choice, but I was really hoping that whoever had made the garment had misjudged my size. I should have known that I couldn’t be that fortunate. “That looks perfect Your Highness, it is lovely on you. Her Majesty will be so happy, she will be wearing something similar of course. You both need to look regal in front of the Humans, but you need to let them know that you are Fae and proud of it as well. This works well I think.”

“I’m going to kill Moira.” I thought to myself, grumbling as I made my way to the bedroom to get my lazy fiancé out of bed. Once again he had failed me by sleeping through torture time and I wasn’t really a happy camper about that. I opened the door and called out, “Rei, sweetie, could you please convince Naerysse that I am not going out in this outfit?”

“What, she’s trying to get you to go out in another dress?” the Kitsune asked sleepily before sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “Ummm… wow… that is not a dress,” he verbally stumbled as, now wide awake, he stared at me with a visible tent poking out the sheets draped over his lap. “You look… wow… can we maybe keep that outfit for later?”

“Do you plan on wearing it?” I asked archly.

“Well… maybe if I was in a girly mood, but I was thinking that once you’re feeling more comfortable we could…”

“Dammit! You are being such a guy right now!” I stormed out of the room in a huff and went downstairs to give Moira a piece of my mind.

Moira, or rather Amoiraishe was eating breakfast with the others in the dining room when I stormed in. She was indeed dressed much as I was and when I entered the room several jaws dropped at my appearance. “What is the meaning of this Moira?! You had Naerysse hide all my clothes and then dress me in… this?!”

The Fae queen winced visibly, but responded calmly. “You’re not wearing anything too different than what I’m wearing Taelya. I wouldn’t ask you to do anything that I’m not willing to do myself.”

“Except that you don’t have gender dysphoria!” I snapped back at her.

“That will fade in time as you get used to your new body and your mind adjusts Taelya. In the meantime you have the skills that you need to ignore it, or at the very least make it tolerable,” she told me with a frustrated sigh.

I gave her a look that I was pretty sure showed how crazy I thought she was at that moment, “You can’t be fucking serious?!”

“Taelya, watch your langauge,” Venika admonished me.

I shrank back a little from the Mom-tone she was giving me, especially since Amoiraishe decided to give me a double dose, with her own Mom-voice. She wasn’t yelling, but there was clear disapproval in her voice as she said, “Listen up young lady. You are an adult Fae, with the Faerie Dance skill, and you’re a Magus. I expect you to start acting like it.”

“Yes Mom.” My answer was reactive, since I wasn’t quite sure what she was talking about, but her tone had been all that I needed to hear. I certainly didn’t receive the ‘female identity for dummies’ skill download, but I thought about what she had mentioned, as I slumped down in my seat, and I suddenly realized that she was right. With Fae not being allowed any form of sex or self-pleasure until they are eighteen, and having naturally high libidos, they need to learn to ignore what their bodies are telling them. The Faerie Dance skill would only be taught to those who had shown such self-control. It was the same with spell-casting, I needed to be able to put everything else out of my mind and just focus on the sigils and my intent.

I felt horrible now for snapping at Moira, Naerysse, and especially Rei. I recalled the various mental focus exercises from my Fae culture skill that all Fae supposedly learned when growing up, and carefully put all of the unfamiliar sensations that were causing me so much mental anguish out of my mind. I immediately felt better, sure the discomfort and dysphoria were still nagging at me, but from a far distant corner in the back of my mind, rather than overwhelming all of my thought processes. The outfit didn’t even bother me and, while I wouldn’t say that I was comfortable with things, it would be bearable until I was comfortable, so long as I remembered to stop and focus on putting the dysphoria into the back of my mind, rather than giving in, whenever it became overwhelming.

“Sorry,” I muttered sheepishly, looking down at my plate, “I think I have a handle on it now.”

“Much better dear, see that wasn’t so hard. I’ll reward you after breakfast.” Amoiraishe said with a smile that just screamed, “I told you so.”

I was about to ask what kind of reward when I was distracted by Pete saying, “You know Nishalle, you’d look pretty hot in something like that.”

My sister just smirked at him and shook her head. “I was offered one of those skimpy little things in the colors of my clan, but I figured that I should stick to armor today, since I’m going to be guarding Taelya even during the Wild Hunt. Maybe if you’re really good, I might let you see me in it one day though.”

I tried not to think about the look that Pete was giving my sister as he pictured her in said outfit as Lissany agreed with an almost longing sigh, “Yup we’re on guard duty so no sexy outfits for us, so I’ll be in my armor for today. Besides, Mom said it was too adult for me, and those getups are more for the Fae who aren’t used to wearing clothes in public like the Nymphs and Sylphs. Most of the Fae will probably end up in their combat gear.”

“Well I like it,” Venika mentioned as she preened in her own tiny outfit, a dark green bandeau, bikini bottom, and a skirt made from panels of cloth that resembled pink flower petals. “It’s not that stupid F.I.T suit and I like having a body that I feel good about showing off. It’s been years since I could wear something like this.”

That was when Naerysse approached the table dressed in her own skimpy little outfit, a blue and gold affair that somehow left less to the imagination than what I was wearing. Alongside her was another Nymph in an outfit that matched my own only the chainmail and other metal parts were silver to my gold and rather than crimson the cloth parts were lavender-hued. She looked Asian, was a good head shorter than me, and seemed very self-conscious and I briefly wondered who she was before it hit me like a falling piano. If you took away the Nymph markings and ears, toned down the sexiness to mere mortal levels, and put a pair red fox tails and ears on her, you’d have Rei.

“Rei? I… thought you were feeling male today, or at least you were when left the room.” She looked really hot, and I couldn’t help but stare, hell everyone else was too so I don’t feel bad about that, but I could tell that she really didn’t feel comfortable at all with all the attention.

“Yeah I am,” my fiancée admitted, “but I…well you’re feeling all uncomfortable with your outfit and the dysphoria and it’s my fault so I… if you have to go through that for me, then I should be willing to do it for you too.”

I stared at her, no him, for a long moment, tears blurring my vision. That was like, the sweetest thing ever and now I felt like a total bitch for snapping at him earlier. I got up from my chair and hugged him tight, being careful not to touch anything that might make him uncomfortable. “You don’t need to do that, I was being a b… bad girlfriend.” I quickly corrected myself so I didn’t get mom’d by Venika and Amoiraishe for swearing again. “I love you, but I don’t want you to ever do something like this again while we’re in this game. Be yourself, please, that’s why we’re here and I don’t want you to lose a second of that for me.”

“You’re sure?” he asked uncertainly. When I nodded my head against his shoulder, getting it wet with tears he hugged me back tightly. “Okay, but I’m keeping the outfit and I might want to use the Nymph form again when I’m in a super-feminine mood.”

“I’ll look forward to it, you’re really hot like that. Now go get changed, you sweet silly fox.” I let him go and tried to wipe away the tears as I sat back down at the table.

“You know,” Nishalle stated conversationally before briefly pausing as she watched Rei leave the dining room to go get changed. “I didn’t think that you two could get any cuter, or sappier, as a couple, but then we went and entered this game.”

“Yeah I think I feel a cavity coming on from all the sweetness,” Pete promptly agreed. I only blushed and quietly ate my meal.

My after-breakfast reward turned out to be a walk to the shore to meet some of the water-dwelling Fae, some magic practice, a new spell that would let me fire high pressure water blasts, and some training in consciously forming the connection to nature that would allow me to use Nature’s Call. The first time it had been instinctive and Amoiraishe felt that I needed to start learning to use it more naturally and with my own conscious will. It didn’t feel to me like I made much progress with that, but it seemed that we would be taking baby steps to make sure I was doing it right.

The others had accompanied us, and while Venika was learning the new spell alongside me, my two protectors and Pete got some sparring practice in with their swords. Grell decided to go for a swim with some of the Nereids and Undines to test out how well he could breathe under water. As for Rei, well my fiancé was deep in meditation for most of that time trying to strengthen his bond with Inari in hopes that he could improve his priestly abilities.

We spent most of the morning like that, training our individual skills and abilities and trying to improve ourselves before heading back to into the manor itself for lunch. Lunch ran a bit late, but that was when I got up the nerve to tell Amoiraishe about what was on my mind and how doing the wrong thing now could cause problems for our alliance later. I carefully explained each of my points, and when I was finished she let out a sigh. “You’re right Taelya, you really do have great potential as a leader. Not only did you realize my mistake, but you were bold enough to point it out to me and try to change my mind, rather than just going along with it because I ordered it. We will all go to see justice done, as planned, but how that justice is meted out will be discussed with the Mayor and Sheriff Shaw.”

We arrived in Haven’s village square in force around quarter after three, the entire host of the Autumn Court accompanied by many of the other non-humans. The whole village and most of the Human players were awaiting us and I could feel the dysphoria and anxiety ready to spike again and closed my eyes, using my focusing exercises to bury them once again at the back of my mind, as Amoiraishe and I separated from the others to walk toward the Mayor and Sheriff Shaw. I tried to give him what I hoped was reassuring smile as I said, “A pleasure to see you again Mayor Gibson, I wish only that the circumstances were less tense. Please allow me to introduce my mother, Queen Amoiraishe. Mahair, this is Mayor Gibson, and of course you have already met Sheriff Shaw.”

“A pleasure to make your acquaintance,” Amoiraishe offered before nodding to Becky. “It’s good to see you again Sheriff.”

Mayor Gibson took her extended hand and gave it a gentle shake. “Nice to meet ya. It’s a right shame about that attack on yer daughter, I’m glad to see she came out okay. Just to let ya know, weren’t none of my people involved in that.”

“We realize that,” the Fae queen responded somberly, shaking his hand before releasing it. “Normally for such a crime against the Fae we would proceed with the Wild Hunt followed by an appropriate retribution, but my daughter does not wish to risk our alliance or having you fear us when we should be working together. Since this did not happen in our Glade we have no right to dictate punishments. It has effected both our communities though, and we would like to see justice done, so Taelya has advised that we discuss the sentence of these criminals and come up with something appropriate together.”

Both sides had representatives watching the respawn point in the square while the four of us discussed possible ways to punish the members of H3lls-Pwn. We were well into the discussion and the decision was leaning toward banishing them with the bare necessities for survival when the shouting began. Venika quickly flitted over calling out, “As soon as Razor respawned they all made a break for the closest building and locked themselves inside!”

“Which building?” Becky asked.

“The market,” the Sprite offered.

“Shit!” the Sheriff cursed. “They could hole up in there a while, practically the whole village’s food supply is in there! How did they get away?!”

“They’re special forces so they’re in peak physical condition, and they had a head start because they were all acting meek and pretending to be sorry, but then the second Razor respawned they bolted,” Pete said with a sigh as he approached. “By the time anyone realized what they were doing they had a head start on us.”

“Are there any other exits to that building?” I asked, turning to Mayor Gibson and Becky.

“Just the loading dock at the back and the front windows,” the Sheriff replied with a frown. “The loading dock only opens from the inside though, and an assault through the store windows will let them know we’re coming. I’d rather they not get a chance to try to kill anyone else, if they’re all spec ops then they don’t need weapons for that.”

Things shifted into high gear as Amoiraishe had my party and some of the Fae Magi head off to watch that rear exit, while everyone else watched the front. We really didn’t want them to have time to come up with a better plan than hiding, but they had shown no compunction about killing other players, so we didn’t really want to send anyone in there either. Over half an hour of doing nothing but waiting passed and I think we were all starting to get a bit frustrated. Finally the loading dock door opened and Razor and his cronies made a break for it, carrying plastic grocery sacks full of food and supplies and wielding knives from the butcher shop.

“Suvas hannira utaera!” Both Venika and I cast our spells at the same time unleashing high pressure water blasts at two of the members of H3lls-Pwn and sending them flying. They both hit the ground groaning around the same time that two of the other Magi entangled them in vines that bound them tight, but wouldn’t seriously harm them.

Lissany pounced on a third one, his attempt to stab her useless as his knife skittered across her armored chest. The Beastkin batted the knife from his hand hard enough that he screamed in pain and then she laid him out with a single punch from her armored fist. “Lights out asshole!”

The fourth of the crew found Pete standing in front of him with his massive claymore in hand. To either side of Peter was Grell with his blacksmith hammer, and Rei holding a ball of silvery blue foxfire in his hand. All three of them looked only too eager to use their chosen weapons and rather than face those odds he just fell to his knees and muttered, “I surrender.”

As for Razor, well Nishalle seemed to appear out of thin air, from out of the shadows of a tree, breaking his wrist to knock the knife from his hand before he knew what hit him. Then she was behind him with her sword at his throat. “Remember that warning I gave you Razor? Be a good boy and come along peacefully, or I might decide that I’m hungry.” We had just finished securing them all and were about to drag them to square when several explosions rocked the market.