The Tour Proceeds To the Conclusion

The first set of gigs went well; we travelled to the venue in the bus, did our show, and came back again. Cambridge was full of drunken students and Colchester was full of drunken soldiers but the others were good. It was when we went up to Birmingham that things went strange.

We got settled into our digs and went to the first club on the list, the Angels Club, and found that, once again, we were not what they expected. The curse of the lazy secretary had struck again. They were the first of eight clubs that she had block booked us into, but the people she had dealt with had all thought that they were getting an all-girl band, no Goth was mentioned. These were all clubs that were similar to rugby leagues clubs back home, only smaller. We knew that the crowds there would not appreciate Goth music at all.

We had the rest of the day and all of Saturday before the show to sort something out. Felicity rang her father to explain the position we were in and he told her to do her best to turn us into an all-girl party band. We removed our white make-up and black lipstick and were taken to a local salon where we were turned into normal girls and came out with enough make-up to last us the next three weeks. Then we hit the dress shops and got ourselves short skirts in black, with bright red tops and red boots to wear on stage. Stevie got shorts. Then we needed a supply of nude and dark tights to go under the skirts and a red scarf to match. Then we changed our cross earrings for dangles and hoops and left out the top three studs. We also got day dresses to wear and some normal jeans and tops. We went through our old play list from the Gold Coast and sorted out a set that Lesley could lead. We then had a number of songs that needed one of us singing so we practised singing in a girly voice. After a while Lesley thought we could get away with it, especially if we left them to later in the night when everyone was drunk.

Our first night at the Angels was really good and a relief for us, especially after our problems. The crowd liked our old songs, the twelve-bar and even our soft-Goth. Tess and I sang a few songs being as girly as we could and our mini-skirted look carried the day. When we finished the manager thanked us and gave Lesley a jar of tips. The next three nights went well also, and we were carried the vibe through the next week at the two following clubs.

We then went up to Blackburn and it was as expected at the five clubs there. We played as an all-girl party band and the nights were good. Everyone, who could, danced and drank and the managers were all appreciative. I had found that I was really comfortable in my skirts and dresses and looked forward to looking in the shops at the big towns we stayed in. Tess was also collecting a range of nice clothes and Stevie stayed in her shorts and jeans. I often found that Lesley and I went out in similar colours and styles and started to look like sisters. What we did at night was certainly not sisterly, though!

Down to Bristol and it was back to the Goth look for the shows. We all stayed in normal appearance during the day and could walk about without being stared at. We spent our down time looking at the Great Britain in her dock and walked the city. We found the main shopping street and discovered the group of barrel-like bollards that were called nails. They were outside the old shipping office and we found out that deals were struck here by putting your ‘cash on the nail’. I had always wondered how much you could balance on the head of a nail.

Then we did the group along the coast. Brighton was interesting as we were quickly outed by the very gay community and then were well received as a tranny Goth band, much to Lesleys’ annoyance. Brighton also provided another couple of fundamental changes. Tess met Charlie, the owner of the club we were playing at, and they fell in love. Tess had been really strong in our bid to be the best girl band we could and was speaking most of the time in a girly voice. I suppose that she and Charlie saw something in each other that they wanted. I know that two of the nights we played there Tess did not come back to the digs until breakfast time and immediately went to her room to shower and change. It was Charlie who told us just how non-PC our band name was in England. We found out that we had used the old slang name of a part of a womans sex organs, no wonder we had louts in our audiences chanting ‘QUIM-ble, QUIM-ble'.

The other thing that happened was that Brianna and Stevie were out walking the town one morning when they were set upon by a bunch of skinheads who had been to the club the night before. They were close to being beaten up when a group of Goth bikers, who had also been to the club, intervened and created a bit of havoc among the skinheads. This, we could all see, had put the wind up our two band members and they seemed a bit remote on the last night we played there.

Then we had our last four nights in London, playing at a Goth nightclub. Charlie came up to London each night we were there and was often seen kissing and cuddling Tess before and after the set. After London we went back to the Manor and our reversion to being a boy band with a girl on the keyboards.

When we got there I found that I was enjoying the life I was now leading. Lesley and I were definitely a couple and I felt no compunction to be drab Stuart again. Steve and Bruce couldn’t wait to get their old clothes back and presented the rest of us with a couple of big bags of their female wardrobe and jewellery. They decided that they were going home and, after our host had given them their share of the profits, we took them to Stansted to get their flight. Steve hugged Lesley and Faith but would only shake hands with Tess and me. Bruce was a bit easier and was able to hug us all. It was sad to see them walk through the door to the departure lounge. The band was no more!

We got back to the Manor and sat down with His Lordship. He said that he had received good reports from the owners of the venues we had played and that he thought he could get us into the European festivals next summer if we wanted. When Tess said that she wanted to stay in England and would be living with Charlie in Brighton, I thought it was the final ending but she then said that she would be still available to put new songs together and would be happy to play if we could get gigs. Then Faith said that she had been playing drums for a while and would be happy to take the place of Steve. Felicity said she would be happy to take over our management and Fiona said that she played rudimentary guitar. Tess and I promised to get her up to performance standard if she was prepared to work at it and she agreed to practise every day from now on.

Algernon sat back and said “It looks like my girls have finally got something to do with their days that will take them out from under my feet. I will allow you, Susie, and you, Lesley, to stay here over the winter as long as you work with my girls on joining the band. Felicity will be able to work towards your bookings for next year, knowing what she does now about the things that can go wrong. I will want you to see if there can be some new songs that we can get recorded and out on the market before the New Year. Thank you for being so resilient in the last three months and saving the day twice. You three are stars and I am proud of my girls for supporting you. Well done all.”

And so it went on. Lesley and I moved into a big room in the house, Tess went down to Brighton, coming back for practise and a couple of recording sessions of songs that Lesley and the sisters wrote. We put out an album of the new songs along with a couple off our previous EP and it sold well. This allowed Felicity to book us a good set of gigs starting in March in the South of France. Fiona became a good rhythm guitarist and Faith was actually better than Steve – and a lot less annoying. The two sisters changed from being groupies to being part of the group and turned out to be talented songwriters as well. The other three of us were able to get paperwork to continue to work in the UK and in Europe. When we hit the road we were a tight band and knew where we wanted to fit in the Goth spectrum and were, almost, a genuine all-girl Goth band. We restarted our careers with a solid month at Charlies’ venue in Brighton and the sisters became entertainers on that stage.

I stayed totally as Susie and eventually managed to get a name change to Susan Craven and my own paperwork. Lesley and I presented as sisters and that made it a bit awkward when she announced that she was pregnant towards the middle of the year and we looked forward to our junior Goth in the New Year. She played the last few festivals in a maternity dress and looked radiant. All in all, that lazy secretary had actually done some of us a favour.

The end.
Marianne G 2020