The Dresden Files/Codex Alera is copyright Jim Butcher. This story is licensed under the Creative Commons as derivative, noncommercial fiction.

The next day, 'Tiffany' was back at it in the salon, with Thomas. I felt very defeated. Seating the ladies at my chair, I listened to them discuss their hair, what they wanted to be done, and crafted it to their liking. I also used the shampoo sessions to dip in and out of their souls lightly, feeding, taking care of the incessant craving that was growing inside me.

Karrin came in around noon. She'd been asleep when we left. I'd dropped a note on the nightstand to let her know to come find me at the salon when she was ready for a haircut.

She plopped down in the chair. Her curtain of platinum locks cascading around her.

"Hi honey," I said, kissing the top of her head. "So, what are we going to do today?"

"Well, since it grows so fast, maybe you should cut it super short."

"Bob, pixie, or shaved?"

"Maybe a very short bob? Kinda like yours, but shorter."

I nodded, smiling, and picked up some scissors.

No one else was in the salon. Thomas had gone on an 'errand,' and the other gals were at lunch.

"You left before I woke up."

"Yeah, we get started early here."

She nodded. "So, what happened last night? The white court curse?"

I winced and sighed. "It has to do with me being a white court vampire now. We feed on lust, and the opposite of lust is our kryptonite."

"Opposite of lust?"

"Mhmm, true love. When you kissed me, you felt true love for me, and that burns my skin."

"Oh…that's not good."

She fell quiet after that for a few moments.

"You okay?" I said.

She nodded. "Yeah. Just...I know he's gone for awhile, but my mind…"

"The bimbo effect?"

She nodded blushing. "Is it bad that I kind of…enjoyed it?"

I thought about that as I washed her locks, using my fingers to massage her scalp and careful not to scratch her with my nails. "No? I guess I can see the attraction, really. No need to really think, just give in to your inner desires. Simple mind, simple thoughts, simple emotions."

"Yes. I was…well.."

"Well, what?"

"Don't think any less of me, okay?"

"I could never feel that way." I sat her up and towel-dried her hair. I looked at her in the mirror.

She nodded and bit her lip. "I kinda was looking forward to being Karrie Melons. Isn't that awful?"

I nodded, pausing. "Well, if you really wanted that.."

"Is it too late to change my mind?"

"About the hair? No…I haven't done anything too drastic yet."

"You were about to say, if I wanted it, you could…sorta undo, what you did yesterday?"

I nodded. "Yes. You have a deep hypnotic suggestion."

"Would that bother you?"

I chuckled. "All of it bothers me. But I can't do anything about it the way things are either. Your very touch burns me."

"Maybe…" she paused. "Oh, no, nevermind. It's all too silly. Just clip away."

"You want me to cut your hair as Karrie Melons might like?"

She nodded, eagerly, her bright eyes dancing.

"And you want me to put the suggestion in place, so you feel like you did yesterday?"

She nodded again. "I liked it, Lara. I know it sounds awful, but…"

"And what if Harry returns?"

"Look, I love you. But…considering what you are now…maybe we both should ease up on the whole commitment angle? I don't know; what do you think?"

My soul died a little inside with those words. But at the same time, would it be fair to ask her to stay connected so deeply to a white court vampire? I mean, look at Justine and Thomas. Justine was so frail at the ripe age of twenty-seven, due to Thomas's Hunger. Did I really want to put Murphy through that?"

"I get it. You still miss him."

She nodded. "And being…me…is making it even harder. I think Karrie Melons wouldn't care."

"So you'd be Karrie, and I'd be Lara…"

"Or Tiffany," she giggled.

"And we'd still be us for the most part, still committed to each other, but for the time being, we have less stress and allow each other to be who we want to be?"

"Yes!" she said.

"Okay," I said. "But if I sense anything strange happening, I won't hesitate to bring my Karrin back."

She nodded, a little frown on her face. "Okay."

I leaned in and whispered in her ear.

"Take some deep breaths, and just relax…"

A few hours later, I finished with the curling iron. I had pulled Karrie's hair up into a high pony after giving her a spiral perm. Her hair curled gorgeously over her shoulders and down her back in platinum curls.

I turned her to face the mirror. "Et Voila!" I said.

She squealed. "Oh my god!"

I unclipped the cape and removed the sanex cloth from around her neck. Fluffing her hair out with my fingers, I gently curled her hair near her temple and ear. She turned her head from left to right.

"I look great!" She said, giggling and standing up.

"So where will you go now, uh, Karrie," I said.

I'd created a situation where 'Harry' was out of town on business and wouldn't be back for awhile. Meanwhile, she and I were super good friends, and I sometimes stayed over at her house.

"I think I'll go back to the house, Tiff if that's okay with you?"

"Sure, baby."

"I love your penthouse and all, but…" she giggled. "I mean, Harry won't be back for a long time, and a girl has needs, ya know?"

"I do."

"We totally need to go clubbing, though, girlfriend! Whenever they lift this…quarantini thing!"

She stood up, then gave me a huge hug. She had several places where her bare skin touched mine, and there was no burning sensation at all. I don't know if that made me happy or sad.

"You gonna come by later?"

"I have some things to do tonight," I said. "Maybe tomorrow?"

"Yes!" she said, jumping up and down. She leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Toodles!"

"Toodles, darling."

She left with a swirl of hair product and perfume. I watched her get into her SUV and drive away.

Sighing, I returned to my station and began sweeping. It actually made me feel a bit better that she was going to go out and have fun, even if it meant she'd be with other men. I was a traditional kind of guy…or gal…but, circumstances were what they were, and adhering to old standards was not going to work in this case. We both would have been miserable.

"Dangerous to have that in place too long," Thomas said after he finished up with his client. He'd come back later in the afternoon. The woman's hair had gleamed a soft neon green after he'd finished with her, and she'd given him a hundred dollar tip.

"The hypnotic?" I said.

He nodded. "It will lower her inhibitions, even when not under it."

I accessed Lara's memories of hypnosis and realized he was right. "I'll bring her out at least weekly."

He nodded. "Hungry?"

"For food or…"

"Both."

I sighed. "Yes, both."

"I know a place."

"I'm sure you do. Let's just get food, though, okay? I still need to see Susan."

"Marios?"

"Sure, I can pick it up. You want your usual?"

"Yep."

"I'll meet you at home."

After picking up our meals and eating with Thomas, I drove out to see Susan. She had nothing really new to report other than making her way through the list. She had been good about not feeding on humans, which I was happy to hear.

Driving back, I considered going home to 'Karrie', but I just didn't have the heart to play out the 'Tiffany' role play.

I drove back to the penthouse, where Thomas had a young female and a young male naked in the middle of his apartment.

"Join us?" he whispered, when I popped in.

I shook my head. "Going to sleep."

He nodded.

I went back into my penthouse and cleaned up the mess from the night before.

Sighing, I sat out on the veranda, looking over the city.

Things had changed so drastically in the last few days. First, Susan, in the seventeen-year-old body, and now basically a monster. She had less than three weeks to go to atone for all her sins. I had wanted to marry her, to have a family.

I winced, remembering my promise to Maggie. I'd wanted to take her and mouse to the park. Sad thing was, she probably forgave me, wasn't hurt by me not showing up because I hadn't shown up for most of her life. And now, what could I be? Strange Aunt Lara? I didn't even know how to tell Michael and Charity. How would I do that?

Then Molly, or Maalshiira, as she was now known. I briefly pondered the change in name; did the fact she was now of the Sidhe change her True name? That might be a loophole Harry could explore, probably was exploring now that he was stuck on ice with Mab. She would not be happy her Knight had been replaced, and I was positive the new Harry was probably undergoing a new, painful, indoctrination program. Maalshiira was so different than the girl I once knew, so alien, as to be someone completely new. Could she still be Molly under all that?

And now Murphy, or 'Karrie' as she wanted to be called. I hated to think what she might be doing right now, and with whom. It gave me a sick, twisting feeling in my gut like I'd swallowed a bunch of castor-oil, or maybe WD40. What would she become with the new conditioning and body? She saw it as an escape from her old life, an outlet. Was it an escape from me too?

Sighing, I drank some champagne.

Not to mention my change. It was feeling more and more normal now to see Lara's face in the mirror. To wear women's clothes, to care about my hair, makeup, and appearance. The projects with Raith Industries were also pounding in the back of my head, and I knew the next day I'd need to address at least the most critical issues. Companies like Raith could survive the COVID crises, but they needed stern and decisive leadership. The stockholders would be looking to me to make those decisions, and as I thought of the board of directors with my new father, Lord Raith, I realized I had a lot to live up to. It was no wonder Lara wanted out of this life. Lord Raith made her life a living hell. Or would that be an un-living hell, since I was now a vampire?

And a hungry one at that. The skim, as we liked to call it in the salon, did keep the hunger at bay for the most part, but I hadn't had any life-force nourishment in over 24 hours. I was going to need to truly feed, somehow. Soon. The question would be who, when, and how.

I stood up and looked over the balcony to the ground, 49 stories below. It would be easy to step up on the rail, take a nice swan dive, and wouldn't Lara's white suit look immaculate through the windows on the way down? I knew from Lara's memories she had considered just such an image on many occasions, but her brother, father, and family had kept her from jumping. Now, I had Maggie, Murphy, and Thomas.

True courage didn't come from facing the monsters; it came from the quiet times in between the monsters when you doubted yourself the most. It came from staying on top of self-doubt, recriminations, and not listening to the guilt and shame built up over a lifetime. It came from putting your socks…or stockings on one foot at a time, each day, every day, wearing a smile on your face, and striding confidently into the world when what you wanted to do was run and hide.

I went back inside and pulled out the cigarettes I'd gleaned from Thomas. Walking back out to the balcony, I lit up and inhaled, enjoying the fuzzy feeling of peace that came with it. I looked at the cigarette between my slim fingers. Where have you been all my life?

Exhaling, and letting all my negative energy leave with the tobacco smoke, I allowed myself to center, to focus, and to relax. I wasn't going to be able to save anyone if I let myself get rattled. I might not be a wizard anymore, but I could damn well still use my brain, my talents, and my other skills to help Susan, Murphy, Molly, and most of all, my daughter Maggie.

Or I'd die trying.