Entrance Interview

I was more anxious than I expected, I was going to be interviewed by someone with the power to deny me the educational experience I wanted.

“Girls!” mom said loudly, to get our attention. “Grace, Miss Able to you, is sharp and caring. Don’t try to BS her. She will see through it. She wants what is best for all of us.
I think she will be an ally. But her experience with their only transgender student has been largely negative, and her first priority will be what she thinks is best for the school. Just be honest and let her get to know you. I think she will see you both as major assets to the school.”

“What is negative about the current transgender girl?” I asked mom.

“I didn’t say there was anything negative about the girl. And I don’t have any direct knowledge of the situation. The impression I got was that the school has enough supervision and discipline that Grace feels that they have the bullying under control, but the girl has not been well accepted socially. She will be in 10th grade, so Joy may have more interaction with her than you Charlie.” replied mom, as she parked in the St. Katherine’s parking lot.

Mom led us to Miss Able’s office. I didn’t find the school as imposing as I expected. The school had an outstanding academic reputation. The main building was an old brick structure (I later found the cornerstone said 1898), but the inside was clean (ammonia smell) and well lighted.
I wouldn’t call it warm and inviting, but it seemed modern with new desks and lots of computers.

When we entered the office the secretary(?) greeted mom,” Hi, Frankie! This must be Charli and Joy. Welcome to St.Katherine’s. I’m Mrs. Greene, my official title is registrar, but I’m here to do anything I can to help Miss Able and the students.”

Mom said, “She means it. Over the years student’s have found she is the one to go to with school problems. I doubt anyone has graduated without her help.”

I think I detected a slight blush. But Mrs. Greene returned to business, “Charli, I believe you are first up. Knock on that door and see if she is ready for you,” pointing to a door to her right.

Interview with the Headmistress

I got up, walked to the door and knocked. I received an almost immediate “Come in.” I was greeted with a warm smile and “You must be Charli. You are looking very nice today.”

I thought not the two-headed monster you were expecting but replied: “Thank you.”

“I’ve known your mother for years, so I’m not surprised that you are exceptionally well qualified academically. But why do you want to come to St. Katherines?” she asked.

“The main reason is that it will provide an education far superior to any of the alternatives,” I answered.

“You allude to other reasons. What are they?” she asked.

“It will allow me to stay closer to my mother and sister, which I see as desirable. Also, I think it will be much safer, both physically and emotionally than the local public high school, which is the main alternative.”

“All very good reasons. How long have you felt like a girl?” Was the next question.

“I’ve never felt like a girl, nor have I ever felt like a boy. Growing up, I was happy just being me, pursuing learning what interested me and developing my abilities, regardless of whether your society labeled them boy things or girl things.” I replied.

“You seem very accomplished in presenting as a girl. Haven’t you had to work at that?” she asked.

“At first when Dr. West suggested that I might have a better educational experience as a transgender girl, it seemed like a stupid idea. But when I experimented with living as a girl, I found it surprisingly easy and quite a positive experience. What I am belatedly coming to realize, is that growing up in an all-female environment with very little male exposure, I acquired feminine vocal patterns and mannerisms. When I try to present as a boy, these give mixed signals and cause people to back away or avoid me. When I present as a girl, the pieces fit and I am easily accepted as a girl leading to a much more positive experience.” I explained.

“Wow, that was amazingly insightful and well explained. Do you think if you could overcome those presentation problems you would like to be a boy?” she asked.

“I would like to experiment with it like I have with being a girl. But I am finding more things I like about being a girl and dislike about being a boy, and think I might end up preferring being a girl.” I answered. She was asking really good questions and seemed to want to understand me.

“What are you liking and disliking?” She queried.

“Oh like friendships for example. Female friendships seem more cooperative, with girls helping each other with things like wardrobe, makeup, and hairstyles, and really talking and listening about feelings. Male friendships seem more competitive, more about alpha-male chest-bumping and establishing a pecking order than helping each other.” I said.

“I hadn’t thought about it that way, but I think you might be right. You have convinced me, I want you to be part of my school. I see you as contributing more to making this the outstanding school, I want it to be, than most students. I only wish we didn’t have to label you as transgender.” she stated.

“Why do you have to label me as transgender?” I asked.

“It’s not the kind of secret that keeps well and many of the faculty know your mother’s first child was a boy. Also, we have policies on bathroom use and changing for PE that would tend to point you out.” She replied.

“Most of this gender stuff is just stupid, creating problems where there shouldn’t be any!” I exclaimed.

“I like your passion. I am going to enjoy working with you to make this work. I’m afraid it’s time to cut this off. Could you go and send your sister in.

Joy and Headmistress

“You must be Joy. As you probably know, I am Miss Able the headmistress here.” the headmistress stated.

“Are you going to let my sister come here?” Joy asked.

“That seems very important to you.” Miss Able replied.

“It is! I want us to be together. But you didn’t answer my question.” Joy replied.

“To answer your question. Yes, your sister has earned a place in our student body. Now it is your turn, and you are not off to a good start, being rude and disrespectful.” Stated Miss Able.

“I didn’t mean to be rude or disrespectful. But you didn’t answer my question. And my moms taught me respect has to be earned and you pissed me off talking down to me.” was Joy’s comeback.

“Touche, actually you are off to a good start with your loyalty to your sister and your ability to stand up to authority. But we do discourage our young ladies from using terms like pissed off,” she said.

“Sorry, mom doesn’t like that kind of language either.” apologized Joy.

“What problems have you had adjusting from your little homeschooled world to the big city?” Grace asked.

“It didn’t seem like a little world. We had 5 acres and that felt big. I could go climb a tree and sit alone, 30 feet off the ground, and feel like the whole world was mine. Just because this location is filled with lots of people I don’t have any meaningful connection to, it makes it feel smaller, not bigger.” mused Joy.

“What is your reaction to your brother becoming your sister?” asked the headmistress.

“I LOVE it. He was a really good big brother and I loved him, but as a sister, she is soo much better and more fun.” enthused Joy.

“How is she better and more fun?” asked Grace.

“Brother seemed to think bossing me around was part of the job description. Sister treats me as more of an equal. We can talk better, share thoughts and feelings better, and girl Charli is way more fun to shop with than boy Charlie.” said Joy.

“You have lost a parent, the only home you have ever known and in a way a brother in a short period of time. How do you feel you are coping?” Asked the head.

“We all miss Mother. Especially Mom. But as Mon tells us, the best thing we can do for Jane is to get on with our lives and make them into something she would be proud of. I miss the homestead, but there are lots of new and exciting things here that I look forward to: going to a real school, making friends outside the family, shopping. I think I’ve gained more with my sister than I lost with my brother. I feel I’m coping OK.” said Joy.

“I think you are doing amazingly well. I don’t want to be the one to try to break apart you and your sister, so you are both invited to attend St. Katherine’s,” said Grace.

“Can I tell Charli and mom?” asked Joy as she bounded from her chair, bouncing with joyous energy.

“Yes. And then the three of you can all come back here to discuss how we want to proceed.”

Joy bounded to the door, flung it open, and shouted: “We’re in!” After flying into Charli’s arms for a joyous hug, she added, “She would like to talk to all three of us now.”

Family with Headmistress

After the three of us returned to the office, and were seated, The headmistress started,” Frankie, knowing you, and having read the girls' files, I had high expectations. But your girls have exceeded any expectations I might have had. I was blown away by how articulate and mature they both were, and by Joy’s unrestrained enthusiasm. I think they will both make marvelous additions to our little community.”

“Thank you, I am very proud of both of them.” replied mom.

“I think Charli will blend with the other students, much better than our current transgender student. Charlie will have to follow the policy we have set for our current transgender student, and not use the girls restrooms, and change for PE in the coach’s locker room.” Stated Grace.

“What is she supposed to do when she has to use a toilet?” Asked mom.

“There are three single occupancy laboratories on campus. She can use faculty facilities. And after carefully checking for visitors, she can use an empty men’s room.” replied Grace.

“Won’t that separate her from the other girls and point out her special status?” asked mom.

“Sadly yes. I regret it. But I can’t see letting what are anatomically still boys mix in the girls’ restroom.” replied Grace.

“Haven’t others sued to let transgenders use facilities for their preferred gender?” asked mom.

“Yes, but not as many as have sued to reverse such policies. I feel caught in the middle. But I feel I am more likely to succeed getting a few reasonable people like you and Linda’s parents to compromise than to get the rabble-rousing fanatics on the other side to shut up and mind their own business. Besides, I wouldn’t like your chances in court with the current administration.” replied Grace.

“I’m not trying to make trouble. I only want what’s best for my girls.” stated mom.

“I want what’s best for all the students and the school. If you have a better solution, I am open to considering it,” replied Grace.

Grace continued, “I think it would be best if we gave as many students as possible. A chance to get to know Charli, without the preknowledge that she is transgender.”

Mom jumped in, “How is she supposed to do that when your policies will out her?”

Grace continued, “ Charli is now aware of the rules. Students often knowingly break rules. That will be her choice. I will only enforce some rules if forced to by complaints. I propose that we tell the faculty that girls have been well home-schooled and given advanced placement and that this is their first exposure to a formal classroom environment. I do not expect her transgender status to remain secret for long, but I would like to give both Charli and Joy the chance to make some friends before it becomes well known.”

Mom replied, “ I agree with your thinking, but do you think it will work?”

Grace answered, “I don’t know, but I think it is better than telling everyone upfront that Charli is transgender. I expect everyone to treat Charli as a regular girl. That will be easier if that is what they think. Are we all in agreement on this approach?”

Mom answered first, “I agree.”

Joy quickly followed, “I agree.”

I joined in, “I agree.”

Grace continued,” OK, for now, the four of us, Mrs. Greene, and the school nurse will be the only ones who officially know Charli’s transgender status. I suggest until it becomes general knowledge none of us either confirm or deny that status. But we will all have to use our own discretion in individual situations.”

After, what seemed like a long time, with each of us looking to the others to say something, Grace continued, “I had a thought that Charli might want to join our theater club to work on her male presentation.”

She had listened well and was trying to help. “That might be a good idea. I’ll think about it .” I replied.

Mom seemed a little surprised but didn’t say anything.

“This meeting seems to be winding down. I’m sure there is much more we could work on together, but we have agreed on a general approach, and none of us quite knows what to expect next, so let us close for now. I want to offer a warm welcome to the St. Katherines community, to all three of you. Please feel welcome to come to me if you think I can help.”

Mom said, “Thank you Grace, I’m glad we’re dealing with you. You have taken, what could have been a confrontational situation, and left me with the feeling we are all on the same team.”

Joy said, “Thank you, Miss Able. You have earned my respect.”

I said, “Thank you, Miss Able. Mom said you were sharp and caring, you have proven her correct.”

“Thanks to all of you. I think you will prove to be three of the best addition to our community in my tenure.” closed Miss Able.

Lunch with Mom and Joy

As we walked out of the school, mom asked, “Do you girls have a lunch preference? I would like someplace relatively quiet and private, that we can discuss the meeting we just had,”

“There is a little Italian restaurant in our neighborhood,” I suggested.

“Is that OK with you, Joy.” asked mom.

“Fine by me,” answered Joy.

We were greeted by a waitress as we entered. “Welcome to Tony’s. May I seat you, ladies?”

Mom replied, “Thank you. Could we have a table away from other diners, so we can have a private discussion?”

The waitress pointed to a table in an alcove across from a closed bar, “Will that do?”

“That would be perfect.” replied mom.

The waitress seated us, gave us each a menu, and took our drink orders.

She was back with our drinks quickly but we were ready to order. Mom ordered a house salad,I ordered lasagna, and Joy ordered a personal pan pizza. Mom gave Joy a look that said she would have preferred Joy had ordered something else but didn’t say anything.

“Charli, did you understand what Miss Able was saying about only enforcing some rules if forced to by complaints?” asked mom?

“I think so. If I am with a group of girls who are going to the restroom, I have the choice of going with them, knowing I am breaking a rule, but there will probably be no consequences if it doesn’t cause problems.” I answered.

“Exactly. And I think she was implying that she trusted you to exercise discretion in such decisions. I want to add that I trust you too.” said mom.

I knew she trusted me, but it felt good to hear her say it.

“What did you tell her that she suggested drama club for your ‘male presentation’?” asked mom.

“I told her that I had more trouble presenting as a male, because I had acquired feminine vocal patterns and mannerisms,” I answered.

“Maybe that is why it has been so easy to accept you as a girl. Would you like to be able to give a more male presentation?” asked mom.

“I am beginning to realize that when I tried to present as a boy, I was giving off mixed boy-girl signals. This confused people, not knowing how to treat me, so they tended to withdraw. This felt like rejection. As a girl the signals align and I am much better accepted. I would like to give being a boy a fair chance, and that will require I improve my male presentation.” I answered.

“It seems you have given this a lot of thought. You know Julie and I want to be there for you as you work through these things. I wish you had talked to us about this.” said Mom.

“You can talk to me too,” interjected Joy.

“These ideas are only just coming together for me. Last night’s meeting brought some insight. Most of the people there were born male, but have had a strong inner voice shouting girl since they were very young. My inner voice says ‘just be yourself, male or female shouldn’t matter, just follow your interests and talents.’ I am just beginning to see that much of the reason I am enjoying being a girl is that others accept me better as a girl, and I like being accepted as a girl better than being rejected as a boy.”

The waitress brought mom’s salad and informed us the lasagna and pizza would be ready in about 10 minutes.

When the waitress left mom asked, “Do you think if you were equally accepted as a boy, you would prefer being a boy?”

“I dought it. I am finding lots I prefer about being a girl.” I replied.

“We will love you whatever you decide,” said Joy.

I thought, I know that, but it sure felt good to hear it.

“You know that we, Julie and me, love you too.” added mom. “I think we should share some of your insights with Julie.”

At this point, my lasagna and Joy’s pizza were delivered. The waitress asked, “Would you like Parmesan on your lasagna and pizza?”

“Yes please,” I responded.

“Yes please,” parroted Joy.

The waitress took a grater and a chunk of cheese and grated it onto my lasagna and then Joy’s pizza, and then left.

The conversation died as we ate.

After a few minutes, mom asked, “How are your meals?”

After a pause to swallow, I answered, “Very good.”

“Same here,” added Joy.

“Charli, you did very well, suggesting this place,” said mom.

“Joy, your unrestrained enthusiasm cuts both ways. As a teacher, it is great to have students with the enthusiasm for learning you two have. But Joy you have a tendency to blurt out questions, answers, and comments as they pop into your head. This is fine when we have 1 teacher and 2 students as we have had. But when there are 25 to 30 students and one teacher, as there will be, it becomes very confusing if everyone offers their inputs as you do. Most of your teachers will want you to raise a hand and be recognized before you speak. The same goes for you Charli, but I don’t expect it to be as much a problem for you.” stated mom.

“I’ll try to think before I speak,” said Joy.

“I think things will go better if you do. But I don’t want either of you to lose your enthusiasm for learning. If you find any of your teachers stifling or unbearable, let me know.” said Mom.

We both chose to nod acceptance and remain quiet.

After a quiet interlude, mom said, “I am very proud of both of you. As a reward, we will now go get cellphones for the family.” This had Joy dancing in the aisle.

I think mom intentionally ignored Joy’s disappointment when we headed for Walmart rather than the Apple store. We ended up with a family plan with unlimited talk and text and a 5 meg data limit for the entire family and 4 identical low-end android phones: pink for Joy, red for mom, silver for Julie and powder blue for me. We got a lecture on not spending lots of time with online games and using home internet, not the phone for large files and downloads. I was happy to just have my own phone. We got sequential phone numbers, identical except the last digit, Julie’s ended in 3, mom’s in 4, mine in 5, and Joy’s in 6. We joked that there was no number 1 in the family.

Home

When we got home, Joy and I ran to our rooms with our new phones. I had entered the other 3 cell phones in my contacts when I received my first call, the screen said Joy. I answered, “Hi Joy.”

“How did you know it was me?” asked Joy.

“The screen shows the calling number, and since I had already entered you in my contacts it also said Joy.” I replied.

“Well, the phones work. I’ll come to your room after dinner so we can talk. Bye.” said Joy. The screen said call ended.

I added the home phone to contacts. And then Tom. I wanted to call him, but I settled on texting him my new number.

I added Jane and Allison to my contacts but decided to have a chat with Julie before contacting them.

My phone rang again. I answered,” Hi Tom, I see you got my text.”

“I’ve been wanting to call you, but didn’t want to go through the rents.”

“You mean parents? I have to get used to teen talk.”

“You got it. I forget so much is new to you. Would you be interested in basketball on Saturday?”

“Another 1 on 1?”

“No, depending on who we can get it could be anywhere from 3 on 3 to 5 on 5.”

“Sounds good to me. Might have to check with the rent.”

“Some of us will probably go to my place for video games after we play.”

“Is that an invite?”

“Yes.”

“I’m interested in that too.”

“Good. We try to start about 11. I’ll text you details as things firm up. It will be on the court we played on.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m glad you have your own phone. Feel free to call or text whenever you want.”

“You too.”

“How’s school going?”

“It hasn’t started yet. But the phone was a kind of reward for getting accepted at Saint Katherine’s. So that part went well.”

“Congratulations. Ours hasn’t started yet, but I have a class schedule. I’m not looking forward to Algebra.”

“ Don’t let it intimidate you. It was actually one of my favorite subjects. I found it quite easy and useful.”

“Genius confirmed!”

“If you say so.”

“At least I know where to go for help.”

“Girls, dinner.” came from mom.

“Guess I have to go,” I told Tom.

“Family dinners must be nice, bye.” he replied.

“Bye.” as call ended appear on the screen.

Joy, that Evening

That evening Joy came into my room with a big smile on her face. I could feel my own smile growing. Leaping to my feet and hugging her, I exclaimed, “We’re in! She wants us!”

“Yeah, she really cares about the school and her students, and she thinks having us there, will make it better,” replied Joy, as she hugged me back.

“It’s a relief to have that over with. I have been worrying a lot, about whether I was really transgender and if I could get away with attending St Katherine’s.” I said.

“I wasn’t worried going in, but she was a little scary and made me worry when I was a little disrespectful asking if you were in.” said Joy.

“I didn’t think anything scared you,” I said.

“Of course I get scared, there are lots of scary things out there. The trick is to not let it show,” replied Joy.

“You do that well.” I complimented her.

“I’m just Wonderwoman’s (staring at me) sidekick.” looking at me with her puppy dog eyes.

“And I’m just starting to see myself as a cis-male who is better at presenting as a female than as a male,” I stated.

A surprised look came over Joy’s face, as she asked, “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’ve always questioned whether I was really transgender. I worried that pretending to be transgender would be like a transgender person pretending to be their birth gender and might be harmful to my mental health.” I stated.

“Why didn’t you share that with me and/or mom? We want to be there for you!” asked Joy.

“I wasn’t trying to hide anything. This is just beginning to become clear in my mind.” I answered.

“Aren’t you still worried about your mental health?” asked Joy.

“Not so much. I’ve decided I’m just playing the role the world wants me to play. And in the process, I get to explore the world from a different perspective. It seems a little ironic, the world wants most transgender people to play as their birth gender, but it seems to prefer me playing a girl. ” I answered.

“Does this mean you don’t want to be a girl?” Joy asked.

“I’ve never wanted to be a girl or a boy for that matter. I just want to be me, to develop my own interests and talents. Gender labeling is just an obstacle.” I declared.

“I like being a girl! And I like you as my sister. And you make a really good girl!” exclaimed Joy.

“I like how people treat me when they think I am a girl. It’s a lot nicer than how they shun me when they think I am a boy. But I don’t think that equates to wanting to be a girl.” I replied.

“So, what are you going to do now?” asked Joy.

“Go to Saint Katherine’s and get educated, and hopefully have a lot of fun along the way. I hope to blend in, but if I am outed, which I probably will be, I will just play my transgender card.” I told Joy.

“I’ll be at your side, whatever happens!” exclaimed Joy.

“It will be a great adventure!” I stated.

“Especially doing it together!” exclaimed Joy.