“Are you the friend who’s picking me up? I don’t know who you … wait. … *gasp!* … AMANDA?!”

~o~O~o~

**CONTENT WARNING: Sex; not salacious, but very descriptive**
**CONTENT WARNING: Spiritual content (a conversation with God)**

~o~O~o~

Five years later.

The non-stop 737 from Seattle had landed safely and was deplaning at the El Paso International Airport. Most of the exiting passengers looked to be experiencing a little jet lag, as the flight was a red-eye departure; now it was noon in the border city.

Willow had been seated near the back, so was one of the last ones off. The wait and her wobbly legs couldn’t dim her mood, though. No more follow-up visits. Hallelujah! Now I just have to find my ride.

Her usual routine was to get an Uber to drive her into town, to home or work; It was cheaper than parking at the overpriced airport lot. But Bernard had told her that an old friend would be getting her this time; he didn’t reveal the name, as he wanted it to be a surprise. So Willow was starting to feel a little uneasy, until she saw a young man with a cardboard sign:

WILLOW ANDUJAR

“That’s me!” she said, hopping over to the man. “Are you the friend who’s picking me up? I don’t know who you … wait. … *gasp!* … AMANDA?!”

“That’s me,” smiled the handsome male. “I now go by my original given name Toby; I have for a while now.”

“What – how – ?”

“I called Bernard and told him I’d be in town and wanted to meet with you. He suggested I surprise you this way.”

Willow approached him and gave him a bear hug. “I can’t believe it! You’re actually a real, solid, living, breathing person!”

Toby tilted his head. “You were thinking I was no longer real or living?”

Now her eyes narrowed and her lips grew thin with a scolding smirk. “I wasn’t sure; you’ve been ghosting me for the last 3 years!”

~o~O~o~

Willow and Toby now sat at a table just outside the Starbucks nearest the airport. Both sipped their coffee drinks in silence. Willow dabbed tears away with a napkin.

Toby grimaced as he saw her pain. “You hate me. I don’t blame you.”

“No. I don’t hate you. I love you like a brother, stupid! It just hurts. I thought that I’d dealt with it, but seeing you suddenly brought all this emotion to the surface.”

“Are you mad at me?”

Willow sniffed, then smiled. “No. I can’t afford the luxury of anger. It would open up a Pandora’s box of bad stuff for me. So let me tell you now in person what I told you in my heart years ago: I forgive you. Tell me, though; why did you stop communicating?”

The boy hung his head. “I’m sorry I cut you off, Willow. I thought you’d be disappointed in me; call me a quitter. Your opinion of me mattered to me so much, and my fear of rejection was so huge, that I just withdrew from you. Then as time went on, the lack of communication was what I worried about – worried that you’d be angry with me about even that. I hear that you forgive me, but I don’t deserve it. I wouldn’t blame you if you never spoke to me again.”

“Neither of us deserve mercy for anything, in the grand scheme of things. But I needed to give it to you, for my sake even more than yours. And you need to forgive yourself,” she said as she arose, walked to Toby and hugged him briefly. “If you’re open to it, let’s resume friendly communication, OK?”

“You’re pretty awesome, Willow. OK, let’s restart this.”

“GREAT!” she exulted as she settled back in her seat. “Now: what’s this about you fearing I’d call you, what was it …OH. A quitter? And why are you living as Toby and not as Amanda?”

“Well, you know that after Mom separated from Dad she moved to San Antonio taking me and my sister with her –“

“Yeah, I knew that; let me catch you up on all I remember. Your folks divorced. You started your real life test, taking testosterone blockers and presenting as female full time at your new school. We were texting daily at first, then 1 – 2 times a week. Then, nothing. I even contacted your mom to make sure you were safe, and she said you needed a break from all the texts; I backed off to give you space, and that’s the last I heard from you. Now you’re Toby again; so what the heck happened?”

“Being in a new city away from my angry father did wonders for me,” Toby replied. “I did start on the blockers and lived as a girl; but after a year I started feeling like I needed to try being male again. I think the antidepressants they started me on really helped with my mood and overall happiness. So I detransitioned, and I found I was content – even happy - as a guy. I’ve been living as a boy for the last two and a half years – I’m active in football, I’ve got a girlfriend and I’m really enjoying my senior year of high school.”

Willow raised an eyebrow. “You like being Toby? You promise me than no one’s forcing you to be male against your will?”

“Yeah, absolutely. I’m one of those kids for who this really was a phase – probably aggravated by the emotional turmoil at home and a verbally abusive Dad.”

“Then I’m happy for you, Mr. Toby. I don’t think you’re a quitter. But you’ve got to promise that you’ll never ghost me again!”

“I promise, cross my heart – and again, I’m sorry.”

“So: different subject. Why are you in El Paso … surely not just to meet me today?”

“I’m here to spend the weekend with my Dad. It’ll be the first time I’ve been with him for more than a day since he and Mom divorced. He’s gone through some therapy, and says he’s dealt with his anger and emotions. He really misses me and my sister. She’s still a little too hurt by his words he spewed before Mom and us left him for good, so she doesn’t want to be here. But I’m up for trying to reestablish a semblance of a relationship.”

“Toby,” Willow worried, “are you going to be safe? I remember how furious he could get.”

“I think he’s a changed man. And the few times he’s come to San Antone to spend time with me – things have been fine.”

“Just in case they don’t – put my phone number in your speed dial. If you need to bail, Bernard or I will come and get you.”

“Okay,” smiled Toby. “If the visit goes even half as well as ours just did, there will be no problem. I’m supposed to meet him in an hour. I probably need to go drop you off at your place so I won’t be late.”

~o~O~o~

“Ah! Home sweet home. Or, apartment sweet apartment.”

Willow pulled her carry-on bag into her domicile and laid it on the chair in the bedroom. She checked in the mirror to see if anything needed freshening, then got on her computer. She started a videochat. A man in his mid-30’s appeared onscreen, sitting at a desk in a suit and tie.

“Hi, Willow.”

“Hello, Steve. I’m back in E.P.”

“So how was Seattle? And – if you don’t mind me asking – what did you go there for again?”

Willow smiled plaintively. Actually, I do mind – since you know it was a private thing, and yet you keep grilling me about it. “To deal with a personal family matter, just like the other times I’ve gone. Thankfully, that issue finally appears resolved, so I don’t anticipate any more routine trips there unless it’s for the business.”

“Business? We don’t do any business outside of Texas.”

“Steve – there are liquor franchises up there that have a different sales model from what we’re used to. I spent an afternoon examining a few of them. In the process, I met a supervisor and took her out for a drink; she didn’t mind telling in detail about the strategies they employ.”

“A supervisor spilling company secrets! You must have gotten her really drunk.“

“Come on Steve – you know I’m a strict tee-totaler*,” Willow chided. “We went for coffee drinks. The talk at first was just about life stuff, what we had in common. We kind of connected personally – talking as if we’d been friends for life. Towards the end, she opened up about those sales models; she didn’t feel like it was any problem since – being half a continent away – our operation is not really competition for her. But since, my mind’s been buzzing with ideas about how we can grow our stores!”

“You’re amazing, Willow. The best networker/connection maker I’ve ever seen. Making new business contacts by pretending to care –“

A flash of ire rose in Willow’s spirit, but she recognized it and snuffed it out with the mental ice water of humility. “Hey! I wasn’t pretending. We became true friends, and the info she shared was given freely – and with the understanding that I would use it confidentially. So this is for our use only, got it?”

“Got it, my star employee. I’m in awe of your gift. You should let me take you out to dinner to celebrate. Just us two.”

Willow smiled sweetly and shook her head. “Steve, play along with me for a sec. Repeat each word I say, starting with; ME.”

The man in the suit chuckled, but looked a bit taken aback. “Okay. ME.”

“TOO.”

“Too.”

“MOVEMENT.”

“Movement”

“Now say all 3 words together.”

“Me Too Movement.”

Both employer and employee stared silently at each other through their screens for a long twelve seconds before Steve choked out a response.

“Okay. So you’re taking a rain check on that dinner, then,”

“We're never having a 'just us two' dinner, Steve. No 'just us two' anything.”

“Gotcha. See you at work on Monday?”

Willow nodded, as she turned her monitor off. Yes, I’ll be at work on Monday – in spite of having to see you. Thank you, Higher Power – whom I choose to call God - for giving me self-control just now.

* A person who abstains from drinking any alcohol

~o~O~o~

Bernard Andujar’s cell phone rang with a wind-chime noise. Willow was calling. He grabbed the device and put it to his ear.

“Hey there, my hot foxy babe! Are you home now?”

“Hello, my handsome husband. Yes I’m back. Say, you’re quite a sneak, setting up Toby and me like that!”

“Toby? You mean Amanda?”

“Toby now. Long story. What’s work looking like – when are you getting off?”

“Murphy’s law is in full effect today. I’m a greasy mess; I’ll be done here at 6:30 – if no more things go wrong with this Jag engine. Nuts – I wanted to take you out to dinner, but I might not be clean and ready until 8.”

“How about I order some delivery for us? Just come home, clean up and we’ll eat here. I’ll dress for comfort, and we can exchange back massages or watch the next ‘Jack Ryan’ episode. Then we can hit the sack; you sound tired and I’ve been up since the red-eye flight this morning. Sound good?”

Bernard paused for a few seconds, then replied. “Yep! Sounds good. See you then.” He walked back to the troublesome Jaguar he was working on, wondering about unasked questions and their answers. She didn’t mention her doc visit. Are things okay down there? Is she wanting to try ‘front-door’ sex, or has he not OK’d it yet? I should have asked – no, I shouldn’t. Don’t want her to feel I’m pressuring her.

~o~O~o~

Bern walked in to their apartment. “Hey, I’m home; give me 30 minutes to clean up, and –“

“Hi lover. The food’s already here and hot. Just take off your shirt and pants, and put these on,” as Willow handed him a white tee and some gym shorts. “Then just wash your hands and come sit down and eat. I ordered a 3 course Italian meal from Tony’s; you deserve the full treatment after such a hard day.”

“Okay – at least we’ll be matching,” he replied as he looked at his wife while he changed. She wore a similar shirt and shorts ensemble. “Tony’s, huh? Did you get me – “

“Spicy lasagna with a side of eggplant parm,” she smiled.

“OH boy! My fave!”

Not much talking occurred over the meal, as Bern was ravenous and rather inhaled his food. Willow gently ate her Italian house salad with chicken breast. As her hubby took a last bite of the dessert (a cannoli), he rubbed his tummy.

“That was soooo good,” he sighed. “Okay. Now I’m gonna hit the shower to get the rest of this sweat and dirt off of me.”

“It’s been a big, busy day for both of us,” his wife replied. “I’m going to go ahead and go to bed, if that’s okay with you.”

“Aww – no back massages?”

“Sure – we can do it in bed before we get to sleep.”

“Okay. See you in about 15 minutes.” Nuts. I was hoping for some sex tonight. But she’s been up for more than 17 hours now; she probably needs sleep badly. Oh well. He walked towards the bathroom and started shedding his clothes.

~o~O~o~

Willow hopped into their bedroom and quickly disrobed The sound of water starting to run meant that hubby was entering in the shower. She got naked, then stopped to look in the big wall mirror.

My face is still that nice oval shape that I’ve had since my second full year on hormones. Didn’t need FFS to shape my nose, and never developed an Adam’s apple; lucky, lucky. Wait – not lucky, blessed. Thank you, HP. Hmmm. I think I like my current hairstyle better than any other I’ve had – down to my shoulder blades in wavy brown ringlets. Ha – remember the blonde phase, Willow? Yuchh!

I’m satisfied with my A-cup boobs, especially since Bern loves them. I do wonder at times what it would be like to have bigger ones; women with D’s have such obvious power over men. That could help in business – wait. No, not my current workplace. Steve would be salivating over me all day. Okay, it’s settled – I love my breasts just like they are.

She ran her hands down her waist. That’s gotten nice and hourglass-y. Then she struck a pose, bouncing her generous hip out to the side. My gift from God, and Dr Estrada and his hormones. My J-Lo butt. Made to straddle my big stud hoss as I ride him to the finish line. Oh, how he loves to squeeze and caress it. Now that we can do a proper missionary position, I’ll bet he goes ballistic over it.

Her hands drifted down to her groin, and framed the newest change in her form. Hello there, Miss V. Are you ready for tonight? You should be; I’ve been pretty diligent with dilation, and last night in the hotel we finally did it. Took a long time and a lot of lube and rubbing; it wasn’t the hugest come, but we got there, didn’t we?

She stopped and bowed her head. God, this may not be the most spiritual subject, but there’s no one else who I can ask. Please let me come when I’m with Bern. I know I can masturbate to get off, but I want him to experience the pleasure of seeing me orgasm when he’s the only stimulation I have. I know that will fulfill him so much. What a gift that would be – for both of us. Thanks for listening – your kid, Willow. Amen.

Willow had newly acquired lingerie, a red tinted near-sheer set with lacy bra, panty and matching gauzy kimono wrap. She donned only the kimono – then sat down and cradled her head in her hands.

“Dammit. Calm down.”

She felt her heart speed up, and a slight tremor entered her hands and breathing.

What if I can’t get there? What if it hurts? What if he doesn’t like it? What if I wasted all of that money and travel and time for something that’s just going to be mediocre, or worse – horrible? What if I can’t stop worrying and am unable to get mentally involved in sex tonight? What if –

Willow.

She stopped and held her breath. My name? Where did that thought come from?

Calm down. Don’t worry.

Who is that? Is that me? Am I talking to myself? Who is that?

Who do you think it is.

Uh … God?!! Is … is that you??

You’re so full of questions, precious one.

Okay. I’m not hearing a voice in my ears – it’s in my head. But it sounds slightly different from the voice I talk to myself with. Am I … am I going schizophrenic??

Maybe. Or maybe you really do have a Higher Power who cares.
.
Okay, God. If this is really you why haven’t I heard you before?

You have – in other ways. A friend’s advice. A newspaper. An idea as you were thinking. Tonight, I had to be more … interventional. You need help.

I’m … I’m scared. About so many things!

Yes. I heard.

So – do you have the answers I need?

No; I have the questions. I’ll ask them, and you give me the answers.

But –

Do you trust me?

As best as I can in this emotional state I’m in.

That’ll do. Why did you get your SRS from that Doctor in Seattle?

Because of his reputation for slow careful work; it takes him twice as long as usual to do the procedure, the better part of a full day. He claimed to have the best success with his patients, as far as their achieving vaginal orgasm post-op.

Did you invest a lot into this?

Oh yeah – his prices were double the usual SRS fees, not to mention the multiple pre and post-op trips to the west coast. That’s why we still live in an apartment, even with 2 incomes.

Do you feel guilt over this?

Of course I do. Bern deserves to be living in a house, but because of me we still have to rent.

Did you seek this for selfish reasons?

What else could they be? I’m the one who’s put us through all of this trouble.

So you didn’t do it for Bern at all?

Yes … yes I did. I want him to experience –

Yes, I heard your thoughts earlier. Your concern for him is a good thing. You function best when you put others ahead of yourself.

My boss Steve keeps carping on “looking out for #1”; he says you’ve got to put yourself first.

There are times for self care – but taking care of you is mainly my job. Your job is to be my hands to take care of others.

So, in this situation, what does that mean?

Put Bernard first in your priority and heart. Trust me to take care of you. Don’t worry about it.

This can’t be that simple. There must be something else I’m supposed to do.

Don’t worry about it.

Got that – but what specifically should I do?

Don’t worry.

Maybe I’m not being clear. WHAT DO I DO TO MAKE THIS SEX SUCCESSFUL? I NEED YOU TO SPELL IT OUT SLOWLY AND CLEARLY, please.

Oh. Okay. Here it comes. Ready?

Ready!

D-O-N-‘T W-O-R-R-Y. That is what to do, your main job here.

Oh. OH!

Worry inhibits your participation and your pleasure. Just trust your body, and me.

Okay. I’ll try my best!

Focus on pleasing Bern. I’ll help him to fulfill you. We work well together. He listens and talks with me, just like you. It’s time to get dressed, by the way. And prep below.

Below? OH – THE LUBE! Got it! Hey, HP – thanks!

She heard the shower turn off, and so resumed her dressing and prep with increased speed.

~o~O~o~

Bern toweled his short brown coiffure, then worked the cloth down his cut figure – past his well defined biceps, his tight pecs, six pack abs, and firm gluts and thighs. He hung the towel up to dry and reached for his comb; then noticed that his razor, shave gel and cologne had been strategically placed on the counter. So she wants me smooth and smelling nice. Maybe we’re gonna get busy tonight after all?

Bern eventually opened the door into the bedroom proper. Candles were lit, and light saxophone jazz played through the Omni. Willow lay in their bed, covered to her neck by the comforter. “I forgot to dilate today, baby. Can you help me with that?”

He nodded. “Okay. Where are the dilators and the lube?”

“I’ve already lubed up. And I’m so done with those hard plastic dildos. I figured we could use your built-in dilator.”

Bern’s eyes got wide. “So the doc cleared us for …?”

She pulled the comforter off, revealing her form through the gauzy kimono wrap. Her sexy hip curve was accentuated by her right-side-lying position. Her left hand dangled a plastic storefront sign that she’d gotten at the office supply store earlier; it said

“Open for business, sir,” she cooed.

Willow began to take off her kimono, but Bern put a hand gently on her shoulder. “No, babe. Please, allow me. You deserve – what did you call it? -the full treatment.”

He sat on the side of the bed and guided her to sit in his lap, facing him with her legs wrapped around his firm midsection. She breathed in the scent of his warm, fresh skin tinged slightly with the cologne. A sharp inhalation entered her mouth as he suddenly pulled her tight, his huge potent hands grabbing and gliding up and down her back. She felt his mouth kiss her cheek, his teeth nibble playfully at her earlobe.

Pulling her head back, she placed both her palms on the side of his smooth shaven cheeks. She was starving for his kiss, and pulled his mouth to hers; his moist tongue watered her parched teeth with hydrating passion.

His fingers began to slowly peel the gauzy kimono off her shoulders; kisses and occasional teethy nips attacked the newly exposed areas. His onslaught slowed as his mouth eventually descended to her warm breasts, with nipples already erect and hard. His mouth encased first the right and then the left; Willow felt that if she could give milk, she would more than fill his throat. The sensations from those points now were overwhelming, and her body began to tremble; a new feeling arose in her groin, one she’d never quite felt as a male. It was … heat. It was intense. A furnace, a pyre between her thighs, a glowing aching need. It required feeding.

She grasped Bernard’s thick erection. The flame below flared to an inferno. “Please,” she gasped. “don’t make me wait any longer!”

In one fluid motion she was on her back with her lover laid on top of her. His manhood touched the inlet of her moist slit. “Here I go, baby.”

She broke out in a fresh sweat as she felt this new, wonderful sensation slowly invade her being. It was ecstasy. The tremor now shook her every breath. All of her worries about her new body began to break up and dissipate as she luxuriated in every slow, full, deep thrust inside her.

“Am I hurting you, babe?”

“No. It’s … ooooh … it’s wonderful. Oh. Oh! Baby – keep it up – whatever you do don’t stop!”

He continued thrusting in a slow, elliptical motion, churning as if he was making butter. Over, and over, and over. Willow made sure she expressed her pleasure verbally; oohs, ahs, moans and groans to let Bern know just how great he was performing.

The shivering intensified to where her whole body was an earthquake. She began to feel a tingling – a bit like numbness, but more like a rush of adrenaline injecting into her belly and rapidly spreading outward. Her fingernails dug into her lover’s back, her forehead slammed into his chest.

“Ooooohhh … OOHHH GOOOHHHHDDD! G-GOOHHDD! AAAAaaah! *gasp-gasp* HAAAaaah! … Ohhhh … oh God yessss…”

Bern was smiling wide as he paused his movements. “Babe! It works?!”

“It … it DOES! Oh my God, Bern – you made me come!” Willow suddenly burst into sobs.

“Oh no,” said her husband with concern. “Please tell me I didn’t hurt you, right”

“No, no! *sniff* It was great! Happy – *sob* – happy tears, lover. All the money, all the time and wait and hassle – it was soooo worth it!”

Bernard cradled her head to his shoulder as she continued to weep. Eventually she calmed, and kissed his neck. “How does it feel, knowing you just sent your wife and her new little pussy to the moon and back?”

“I’m on top of the world, babe. Nothing can top this feeling.”

She felt a new erection reforming against her leg. “Nothing can, huh? Not even another go?”

“Babe – are you up for it? I don’t want to hurt it – the new pussy, I mean.”

“Bern – I promise I’ll stop if I don’t feel right. But I’m ready for round 2. Just one isn’t enough; there’s still plenty of lubrication there.”

“Okay, then. Let’s have you roll over and we’ll try it this way. Here goes. Does that feel okay?”

“Does it ever,” she moaned. “Bern – don’t stop. Keep it going, a little faster. And maybe even harder.”

~o~O~o~

Much later, both husband and wife lay together naked on the bed, glistening wet, physically spent.

“Open for business,” Bern sighed. “You did a bang-up job on your first business day.”

“YOU did the banging, sir – quite well, I might add. Oh God, Bern. That was so much better than the back door sex we’ve been having. I think I want most deliveries via the front from now on.”

“Are you sore?”

“Ask me tomorrow. But I’ll still need to dilate daily for a while. And I hate hard plastic. Now, penis? That’s where it’s at! Rocks my world. Are you up for dilating me daily?”

“Ha! Is my El Camino burnt orange? YES!”

~o~O~o~

To be concluded tomorrow.

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