Brian’s words were so outrageous that I was momentarily taken. I was stunned into silence. For several long seconds, I just looked at him stupidly. I opened and closed my mouth several times trying to find some words to say. I finely managed to tell Brian, “You are not a girl Brian. Regardless of what mother has told you, you are a boy. “

Brian’s words were so outrageous that I was momentarily taken. I was stunned into silence. For several long seconds, I just looked at him stupidly. I opened and closed my mouth several times trying to find some words to say. I finely managed to tell Brian, “You are not a girl Brian. Regardless of what mother has told you, you are a boy. “

He simply looked at me and said, “I was never a boy and when I pretended to be a boy, I was bad at it. That is part of the reason those boys as the boy’s home treated me badly. I was always supposed to be a girl. “

I knew there was something very wrong now. He was so insistent on this that I was starting to get scared. My mother must have brainwashed him badly.

“Look Brian,” I said sternly.

He butted in, “I am Julie. Please call me Julie

“No Brian,” I said. “I will not call you by a girls name anymore. You are a boy. What ever mom told you is wrong. I know that you have been scheduled to see a psychiatrist and we will discuss this tomorrow. “

He wouldn’t let it go, “Mom always said I was meant to be a girl and she was right. It wasn’t mom that convinced me but when I decided to take her advice, something clicked but it also attracted her boyfriend. But That doesn’t mean I wasn’t supposed to be a girl. You will see, moms doctor told her I had something called GID. “

I had no idea what GID was but he suddenly said, “I swear, now look. Do boys have this!” He took off his shirt I bought for him and when he wasn’t wearing a bra, I could see them clearly. Two small mounds on his chest puffing up his nipples. They were clearly two breasts. My god what had mom done to my poor brother. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I ran to my own bedroom and started crying. I still didn’t buy the GID. I know there are transsexuals but my brother had been abused and manipulated by a wicked woman. He wasn’t a transsexual. He was an abused child. I just hoped that the doctor would help him though this confusion.

I was so wrong. We went into the doctors’ office together and he spoke to Brian for around an hour and then called me in. He explained to me that he had been already diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder and it was A diagnosis with a lot of evidence and support to back it up.. His abuse was not the cause of his condition. He went on about Brian’s condition and the hormone dosage he was on for Hormone replacement therapy, and how his body must get regular checkups to keep the dosage at a safe level so he doesn’t get poisoned.

I had no idea. It was clear that I was so in over my head with this. I asked the doctor if I could speak to him alone and he let Brian go into the other room with the nurse.

“Doctor, This is all so new to me. I had no idea that my brother was like this. I can’t believe it was withheld from me. Now the state lays this child on me to take care of and I have no experience with a child and now I am told he has a gender disorder ontop of it all. I don’t know how to deal with this. It is overwhelming what am I supposed to do!”

“Crystal. You can get help too and I will do my best. The first thing that you need to do is be supportive and loving toward your sister. She will need a lot of support. Can you support her?”

My sister. Julie. This will take some time to get used to but I can do it. “Yes,” I told him firmly. “I love my brother Brian and I will love my sister Julie the same. Are you going to cure her?”

“If you mean by curing her by making her accept being a boy, no. The only cure is making her body into the image she desires. That means a girl. Only then can she be in peace. Do you understand, Crystal?”

“Yes I understand. So what now?”

“She has a trial in which she has to testify against her step father and her mother. You need to help her prepare for that. You also need to help her with her appointments with the endorogoist. He prescribes her the hormones that she takes to grow as a female. “

This was all so much. I was on overload and it felt like the world was spinning. I didn’t know if I could handle all of this responsibility I did understand and said, “Yes I understand. I will take her. You know, for all my life, it was Brian and my little brother. Calling her my sister and the name Julie will take some getting used to. Thank you for making this clear. “

He let me go then and we got in the car. I looked over toward my,…my sister. “Julie, I am sorry about the things I said. I was wrong. “

“That is alright. Our mother kept both of us in the dark about a lot of things. She let me transition but she used it against me and didn’t protect me at all. I see that you will protect me from people that want to hurt me, and that you accept me. “

Julie forgave me but I could see it in her eyes that there was something more that she wanted to say. “Julie, was there something else that you wanted to say?”

“I don’t know how to say this but. You said that you wanted this to be quick. Until the state could find foster parents. Is it still true that you don’t want me?”

Wow how the things I said can come back to bite me. “No Julie it isn’t that I do not want you. I love you. I am young. I am not much older than you are and I hope you understand that this isn’t a lack of caring. I am ill-equipped to be responsible for a child’s welfare. I don’t think that I am the best person for the job. There are people that are much better suited for careing for you than I am. You need them.”

Julies face became contorted with anguish and grief. Tears begun to flow down her small face and she started letting out soft cries. She said though anguish and tears, “Crystal you are all that is left for me! You are my family, I don’t want anyone else but you! Please please please you cant leave me like the rest! You must, you have to take me!! I know that you can do this you just have to! We can work together please don’t give up!”

The anguish and desperation was evident on her face and the way that tears were just streaming down her face endlessly. She looked at me and her body was heaving with her strong uncontrollable cries, and her small body was trembling, she was so afraid, no terrified that she would loose me.

Her desperation hurt me too and I knew then what I had to do. I had to keep us together as a family. I doubted that the state would me be Julies permanent guardian. The state would fight me all the way. I didn’t have the resources to fight it. But I knew that for Julie’s sake, I would have to fight now. Some how, I would have to find a way to do this. Her survival depended on it.

I gathered up all of my courage and said, “Julie, I will never leave you willingly. I will keep you and take care of you. I am sorry for what I said to you before, I take it back. “

The anguish in Julies face begun to leave as she relaxed. That was a relief. I knew she would never survive without me. It was sad and I knew that I wasn’t ready for this, but ready or not, I had it. It was up to me so I had to somehow make myself ready. I had to make myself grow up and start being responsible like a parent. I knew I could do it.

I was still driving down the road toward my place, I looked at her and said, “Julie, everything will be all right. It will be a long ride but we will make it and I will make sure no one hurts you ever again.”

She smiled back at me, she looked more reassured now. I wish that I was as sure. I don’t know where I would get the finances to make these ends meet. I had to get an attorney that can help me with my case with Child welfare so I could fight for guardianship of Julie. I had to get her back into some kind of school. When her mother was arrested, she stopped going to school because of the publicity of it all. She was right, her peers would use it to tease her. She didn’t need that but if I don’t get her into some school, the state will surely use that against me.

I really felt sandbagged. Any public school was out of the question but I sure as hell didn’t have the finances for a private school, or tutors. I couldn’t go to my mother, she sure wouldn’t help me and even if I tried to force her, she wasn’t much better off than I was. That’s why she married Richard. Richard was financially very well off, but that meant he was well protected and had a lot of resources to make things very difficult.

I told Julie to find some of the things of mine that she would like to wear for now and we would go shopping for some clothing of her on this weekend.

While Julie was nosing though my closet, I made a quick call to a good friend of mine for help. She was not there so I left a urgent message that I had a emergency and I needed help. She was a lawyer so I knew she knew how to help me. At the least, if she wasn’t willing, she could direct me to people who could help. She had a lot of connections.

I had to go back to check on my…sister. I could hear music so I opened the bedroom door and I about feel down laughing. She was dressed in all pink tight Capri pants, a hot pink tee-shirt that said in sparkly letters, ‘BARBIE’ and she was dancing to the music, “IM a Barbie girl”

My mouth dropped and I started laughing she was stunned at first, then she started to laugh with me. We were laughing for a bit and then she told me that she liked that song.

I thought it was kind of prissy but perhaps that is the kind of girl Julie wanted to be. I had the feeling that she was just being silly.

I ordered a pizza for us to eat and after we ate, I told Julie that we really needed to talk about something serious.

She was sitting across from me wearing one of my purple miniskirts and the Barbie tee-shirt.

“Well Julie, you know that there is a trial coming pretty soon. As soon as they get though the defence motions, they will go ahead with the trial and I am told that you will have to testify. You are vital to it all. “

“I know, Crystal. I will testify, “ She told me

I knew but that wasn’t all. “That is good and I know you are a very strong girl. We need to get you over to the DA’s office so you can be prepped. But there are other matters too. Like school. “

She cringed. “I know what things were like. I want to get you into a private girls school. Where there are only girls and no boys to mistreat you. “

“That sounds nice, Crystal. How can you do that when I am a boy.”

I told her, “You are not a boy. You are going though transition. You are a girl. I think there is a chance if we have the right support. The point is that I Must get you into school or the state will take you away from me. I would hate that to happen. We are meeting a nice woman that I know that will help us. I want you to be nice to her.”

“Okay Crystal. If you trust her!”

“I do she isn’t like that other bitch that hurt you.”

“Yeah, She thought it was hot to stick a penis looking rubber thing up me.” Julie started sniffeling.

I walked over and hugged her. I told her in a soothing voice, “Julie, try not to think of those things. She will go to jail for what she did to you.”

She looked up, “No you don’t understand. It freaked me out. I didn’t know about those things before. I mean, I knew they were made but this was different. It was much different. She was like wearing it so she could use it on me like a boy uses his thing. It was like a leather harness thing that the penis rubber locked onto to, it wrapped around her hips and stuck out of her crotch. When I was forced over, it felt like I was being abused by a guy. But she was a woman. It freaked me out and I’m still not over it!” Julies small body trembled and her face looked contorted with mental anguish. Below her blonde bangs, her eyes poured tears out. I moved next to her and wrapped my arms around her.

I started getting angry again. Julie never said this to the police. This wasn’t just abuse he was discussing. It was rape. Oh my god, it was so hard to believe that my friend would do something so horrible to my sister. I know she did that to me and she had those kinds of toys. We played force games together where she was the mock aggressor but I never imagined she would really do it to anyone, much less a innocent child. We had to have another discussion with the DA about upgrading the charges against her.

I just held Julie and told her, “I am sorry about what she did to you and I am sorry for ever trusting her. For now on Julie, I will have to be very careful over who I trust with you. “

She hugged me back and said, “Crystal, it isn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself please. Blame her. She hurt me!”

“I know Julie.”

Our doorbell rang. I stood up as Julie visibly prepared herself to meet a new person.

I went and opened the door and it was her. Melanie standing there in a sexy looking mini, a white blouse that showed the black straps underneath. She always liked to dress sexy. I once asked her around it and she casually said, why cant an attorney look sexy but still be taken seriously.

It was true, and no one misstaked her as someone not to be taken seriously after they knew her. Her opposition would always find out she was very competent. She usually won. She was very good at her work.

She gazed down at Julie, she asked, “Is this the child that you mentioned. ”

“Yes, Melanie,” I said. “This is Julie.” She was beside me looking up at Melanie. She looked uneasy but I held her hand hoping to reassure her.

She looked at Julie for a few long seconds. Then she said, “My lord, there is no boy in her. Not even an Adams apple. Before I can help Julie, I need to know more about her so I can know what kind of placement would be appropriate for her. Can you get me her records crystal? “

She knelt down and told Julie, “I am on your side Before we place her in a school, I know a few talented tutors that will work with her. Don’t worry crystal; I can get her in a good school in two weeks or less. “

She took Julies hand and said, “Lets sit down and talk. Tell me about when you were a boy and what convinced you that you were better off as a girl.”