The Bliss

 

Chapter 2
“Definitely not your color”

Being an outstanding cheerleader isn't enough. Others expect more than this. Andy gets to know that being right isn’t always right.

 

This story is in three parts, it's completed and chapters will be posted once a week.
My thanks to Amanda Lynn for proofreading and helpful suggestions.
This is a work of adult fiction so that's a caution that covers everything. No resemblance to reality should be inferred or expected.

 

It was the first day at school. I expected more or rather I expected something different than it actually was. Back at my old school if someone was towering over others it was a teacher. Here almost everyone was taller than me. I felt like a kid with adults all around me. Older boys were looking at me like wolves at meat and I’d wondered if they’re gay or what.

I’d met some guys from my old school. Al and I only had one class together, and that was Spanish. Lucille and Sheila from the squad were with me in my all classes. Naturally, I was hanging out with them most of the time. When lunch time came, I’d found that Al was with his buddies and he wasn’t encouraging me to join him at their table.

I joined Lucille, Sheila and the other cheerleaders at their table. I’d half expected to be shunned away but that didn’t happen. Three of us were ninth graders while all others were older. During practices, we didn’t interact too much. All time was used to practice and afterward, we all were too exhausted to chat. We chatted about first impressions and the girls cautioned us about some teachers. The math teacher didn’t like cheerleaders and it was freaking me out because math was my thing. Later girls started to talk about babysitting. Some of them were complaining about lullabies. Not that they didn’t like them rather they didn’t know what to sing to soothe the baby.

“For me, a mantra of Peace worked well,” I said referring to my last babysitting experience.

“What’s that?” few girls asked in unison.

“It’s Peace, Shanti,” I replied and the girls stared at me as if I was talking in a foreign language. “Om Shanti Shanti Shanti Om.”

“And?”

“That’s all. Add melody you like and sing it. Shanti is about peace and tranquility and it will calm. Or maybe just ‘sh-sh-sh’ and ‘m-m-m-m-m’ sounds are soothing too.”

“Are you yogi or what?” one girl who looked familiar asked.

“Both.”

“What?”

“I’m both a yogi and what.” Some girls giggled at my reply.

“Oh, I remember you from deportment classes two years ago,” and I remembered why she looked familiar.

“Becky?”

“What classes?” Lucille asked.

“Two years ago, when I was a ninth grader like you, the drama teacher recommended us to take deportment classes. That was mostly about posture and gracefulness. Other girls ignored that suggestion and I was the only one who took those classes. I got a lead role afterward.”

“And Andy?”

“The teacher is Andy’s Mom,” Becky said.

Lucille was about to ask something else but the bell rang and we all rushed to our next classes. In my case, it was Home Economics. Dad signed me to Home Ec instead of shop. “Those home repair things happen so rarely. It’s more suited to call for professional help rather than try to fix it yourself. The food you’ll prepare every day instead.” Dad was the one who made food at home and I was helping him. Mom did sometimes too but it was a complete disaster and we knew to compliment her anyway.

“Girls! Quiet!” Mrs. Santora a Home Ec teacher shouted when she entered the room. I was used to being addressed like this. Ms. Nors was addressing us as ‘Ladies’ and the boys were calling each other ‘Lady’ like ‘Lady Christopher’. It sounded quite funny and even Ms. Nors sometimes addressed us this way for fun.

Roll call was by name and I was the fourth after Abby, Amanda, and Andrea. Abby was vegetarian so there was nothing special about me being a vegetarian too. There were another two girls and we four made a veggies group. The first day was about arranging a home budget. The same theme was planned for up to Thanksgiving so it was kind of like Math, rather than food making.

The next period was a drama. Two hours were spent on introductions. With all those students around me that were bigger than me, I will never get a role for. I could expect to get a kid’s role if such was available in the play. But, not only actors were needed for drama. There is backstage staff, I could be a prompter, because of my small stature. Anyway, drama teacher didn’t reveal her plans about the future play. After introduction, there were some impromptu readings of random lines like a lottery. Actually, it was great fun.

 

 

After the school was over I had another hour until cheerleading practice. I had enough time to do all my homework. Since it was the first day of school there was not much to do. Football practice started immediately after the last period. It was arranged this way to prevent boys from both teams changing in the locker room at the same time. Senior girls said there were some fights between boys cheerleaders and football players.

I had almost thirty minutes until practice started after I completed my homework. I changed and went for stretches and then used a trampoline for kicks practice. Other boys meanwhile were in the weight room. Some girls were sitting on the bleachers watching boys at football practice.

Afterward, the practice was the same as it was the previous week. Routine was the same too: up, kick spin, toss basket, down and again the same. Everyone in our group had their own Achilles heel. My weak point was kick and twist. I knew how to improve it. I needed more practice on a trampoline. The trampoline was free before the practice so I could occupy it after I was done with my homework. After practice, it was taken by another flyer, Sarah. The third flyer, Liz had to work with stretches and splits. Girls from my group had problems with balance. That was the first impression. Later the track and field coach, who was helping Ms. Nors, indicated the problem as a muscular weakness. To me, all four of them looked so big and strong…

 

 

There was a major event coming and most students were getting ready for it. It was Homecoming. That’s play, parade, and dance. The event was most important for the seniors. Some juniors, football players, and of course the cheerleaders were involved too. We planned to show stunts. We had practiced those for months already and for the Homecoming game, we would be ready to show them off. We were only performing a tumbling, jumping, splits, and cartwheels.

First, there were preparations, fundraising and various things about school spirit. The School district had promised some posters. The posters arrived two weeks before the event. They said there were enough to sell if someone wanted too, so they were sold for ten bucks each.

On this poster, there was a cheerleader on the top of the extended pyramid. In the background there were boys playing football. That cheerleader was me. I looked like a clown: face and eyes painted, ribbons in my hair and I was grinning like mad.

Rami was selling tickets with some girl. I found him at his booth.

“Rami, would you give me ten bucks till I’ll get home,” I asked.

“What’s up? Found something fancy?” Rami teased.

“I want to buy a poster for Mom and Dad.”

“What poster?”

“The district sent some today and Alice is bringing one to hang on the wall,” the girl said.

Another girl, probably Alice, brought a rolled up poster. Rami unrolled it and was holding it against the wall. Some boys were at Rami’s booth.

“She’s hot…” one said.

“I don’t know her. Who is she?” another boy asked.

“She’s Rami’s baby sister,” the first girl said.

“I’m not…” I started to say.

“Truth to be told,” Rami interrupted me, “she says she’s not a girl.”

“RAMI, I do not…” I wanted to protest but…

“Tomboy phase, I guess…” he interrupted me again. For Rami, it was a joke, a prank. I had to live with it. There was now a bunch of students, they all thought I was a girl and there was no way I could prove otherwise. The tears were welling in my eyes. I couldn’t let myself cry or it would be more proof I was a girl or a sissy which was even worse.

“I’ll take few and put them in the car to keep safe,” Rami said after the crowd at his booth dispersed. He was right. Trying to shove the poster into the locker probably wasn’t the best idea.

 

 

The day before the Homecoming we had kind of costume rehearsal. We had no costumes and we would have no costumes the next day. But we would be on the field and all stunts would be performed in unison. Every jump and every kick was synchronous between all three pyramids.

When the practice was over, we still were here excited and talking. I was with the boys and had actually revealed the secrets of keeping shoes odorless using tea bags and ground coffee. I could tell them about sanitary pads too, but I decided not to. I’d offered it to Rami a few days before and he almost fainted when I offered him some pads for his gym bag so he could put them in his shoes.

“Attention everyone,” Ms. Nors had an announcement to make. “The school had ordered new uniforms for both girls and boys. Uniforms now are traditional skirt and tee for girls and tracksuit for boys.”

Ms. Nors turned to me and other boys: “Unfortunately ‘boys’ uniforms are late. Tomorrow, before the game, you change into your old uniforms as usual.”

“Girls! I beg your attention please,” she turned to the girls now. “Your uniforms are in the office. Take the bag with your name tag on it. You’ll come to school in your new uniform tomorrow, spotters too. You may consider putting pantyhose on since days are already getting cool. Put some simple sheer nude pantyhose on, nothing fancy. Makeup is allowed just don’t overdo it. At school, before the game, dancers captain Allison will be in charge. She’ll say where to go and what to do.”

I was glad about the new uniforms, I hated my short shorts and that tight tee so much. Well, tomorrow I may still have to wear it, but later I’ll be in a tracksuit and no one will mistake me for a girl anymore.

 

 

The next day I saw the new uniform for the first time, I saw Sheila. She’s a big girl and she looked very pretty in the new uniform. The color was black with wide orange trim and a narrow white line in between. The material was shimmering, but not like glitter shimmering, rather like silk. When Sheila moved the orange part of her skirt moved too and it looked like a flame.

“Why haven’t you changed into a new uniform?” she asked me.

“Why would I?”

“Cause you’re one of us,” Sheila said.

“Hi, Sheila. Haven’t you…” Lucille was about to ask something but she was staring at me instead. “Andy! What do you think you’re doing?”

“What?” I was flabbergasted.

“Why are you?..” she motioned at me indicating my clothes.

“Why would I?” I said again.

“Because we are a team and you’re part of it.”

“She’s hopeless,” Sheila said.

“I’m not a ‘she’,” I complained.

“You’re right, Sheila. She’s hopeless,” Lucille echoed.

“Girls, I need you…” Allison appeared from somewhere and she, like Lucille, stopped in the middle of her sentence.

“Girl! Why are you not ready yet?” she yelled and pointed at me.

“Because I’m NOT!” I snapped out angrily. I turned on my heel and headed to my first-period class. It wasn’t fun anymore.

 

 

The stunt girls were performing various cheer routines during the day together with dance squad girls. Now that both dancers and cheerleaders were wearing the same new uniform they looked stunning.

The girls were cheering and smiling except when they were scowling at me. I couldn’t understand this. How could they expect me to dress up like a girl? Some students from my classes were angry at me too. How could all these people not understand that I wasn’t a girl?

As the day was coming to a close, I’d noticed more people were ignoring me and I couldn’t understand why.

 

 

Classes were over so I headed to the stadium to change into my cheerleading uniform. I saw Chris and Sean about one hundred feet in front of me going through the stadium gate. As I approached the gate, two doormen were checking tickets of early arrivals and letting the staff in.

“Where are you heading, Miss??” one of them asked. I’d seen him before, he’s one of Rami’s friends.

“I’m a cheerleader and I need to change,” I replied.

“All cheerleaders are already changed,” he said.

“Not all. I just saw Chris and Sean enter here.”

“Those are boys.”

“I’m a boy too.”

“Who are you kidding Miss?” he snickered.

“I’m really a boy, I need to get in because I’m a flyer, I’m needed there to perform new stunts and…”

“Listen to me girly,” another doorman snarled at me, “all girls came to school in uniform and they don’t need to change. The boys have to change and all three of them are already inside. And you… Consider real long detention if you cause more trouble. Go away or I’m calling school security.”

What could I do? I didn’t have a ticket and I didn’t have a pass. I walked away. My brother was in and my best friend was in but neither could help me to get inside. Because of those two bouncers, the new stunts will not be performed as planned. Or was it because of me?

 

 

The next day was Saturday so I wasn’t going to know what happened till Monday. Rami and Al were useless. After the game there was a party, then a dance, then a sleepover. Monday wasn’t something special just a usual day. The girls didn’t speak to me. I got to know the meaning of the word ‘shunned’. I didn’t even try to sit at their table in the cafeteria during lunch too.

Classes were over and I had done my homework while waiting for the beginning of cheerleading practice. I feared there was something wrong and not just with my teammates.

“How do you feel about ruining the show?” Ms. Nors asked without a word of greeting.

“I didn't. The bouncers didn’t let me in.”

“Sure miss innocent. I instructed them not to,” she said.

“Why? Why would you…”

“Cause you weren’t ready. You were expected to wear the new uniform to school like other girls.”

“I’m not like other…”

“Sure you’re NOT,” Ms. Nors snickered, “you are a STAR! How could I forget that?”

“I’m not the star and I’m not a girl either.” I corrected her.

“Andy, I appreciate your tomboyishness. It’s your life. Be what you want to be. But here we are the squad, the team and all girls are expected to be girls during the performance. That’s a part of being a cheerleader.”

“But I’m not a girl. I AM A BOY. Just look into stupid school records,” that was becoming really insane.

“Language, young lady,” Ms. Nors interrupted me. “I looked at school records the first day you were assigned as a student here. And there is a big fat ‘F’ here. You are here as Ms. Ananda Katzel. After your tomboyish outbursts, I checked again. Then I checked to see if maybe you are transgendered. None of that! Still the same ‘F’.”

“But… But I am a boy… I was a boy my whole life,” I couldn’t believe the insanity that was happening to me.

“I know what I know,” Ms. Nors said. “As I’ve said before cheerleading is about team and integrity. And you are lacking integrity. I can’t let the squad rely on you and get another performance ruined. But, I have you assigned to me this year instead of the gym. So you’ll come here as you were before but you will do whatever you want to do and not disturb and not interrupt the others. Deal?”

That was insanity! It was happening to me…

“DEAL?” Ms. Nors demanded.

“Yes Ma’am,” I replied in a meek voice.

 

 

It was getting close to Halloween. All the students were busy making costumes and arranging parties. I was alone, nobody wanted me around.

I was walking around the stadium during lunch, I was depressed and I couldn’t eat, at school. At home, I ate because Dad was watching me. Sometimes I puked after eating. Maybe not sometimes.

I sauntered around the stadium and behind the bleachers. I noticed a kitten scampering under them. I came nearer and found that there were another three there. The bleachers were some metal and wood planks. Kittens were some twenty or so feet away under the tangle of planks and steel. Underneath, on the ground, there were puddles everywhere and the kittens had found a kind of an island. This fall was wet, the rain was starting again, the water started to rise and their mother was nowhere to be seen.

I was a pariah now, but maybe some teacher will listen to me. I headed back inside and the first teacher I met was a drama one so I approached her.

“There’re kittens under the bleachers. They are unreachable because they are twenty feet from the edge. And they are surrounded by water and now as the rain started the water is…”

“I understand,” she said, “I’ll just grab an umbrella from faculty room and you show me where they are, OK?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She rushed to the faculty room and was back in a second and we both headed to the bleachers. I showed her where the kittens were. She called 911 and was switched to local ASPCA shelter. The car from there came in less than ten minutes.

The man exited the car and he had a stick with a loop at one end. Then he got another two sticks and connected all three of them into one more than thirty feet long. He squatted down and tried to reach the kittens with a stick but they were too far away and they were moving too fast. After twenty minutes of futzing around, nothing changed. The rain was pouring now and the kittens’ island was melting away rapidly.

I wasn’t about to watch the kittens drown. The crack under the bleachers was some eight inches or less but it was still enough space for me to squeeze. The teacher understood what I was doing when I was under the bleachers. Kittens had nowhere to run so I made two passes to extract all four of them. The man put them all into a box and hurried back to the shelter.

“Come with me, I’ll sign your pass,” the teacher said.

There was no crowd, probably because of the rain. When we were back in the school building lunch was already over and students were in their classes. Just when we were inside the teacher noticed how I looked.

“Oh my…” she whispered. She rushed to the drama studio not letting me come in and was back in a minute with two fluffy towels.

“Take these and… and… and stand under hot water or you’ll catch something,” she said. “Meanwhile I’ll find something for you to change into.”

I scurried into the locker-room and took my wet clothes off. I was already shivering from the cold. There was a heater at the far end wall. I put my clothes on it for them to dry, in case the teacher finds nothing for me to change into. I grabbed a bottle of shower gel from my bag and rushed under the steaming hot water.

I usually didn’t wash my hair at school, so I had no shampoo with me. This time, however, my hair was soaked in the mud so I washed it, lathering with shower gel. Afterward, I patted myself dry and I put my hair into a turban or it would become one tight tangled knot. I heard boys in the locker-room when I was arranging the turban. I left my bag open when I hurried into the shower. The boys peered inside and noticed the pack of sanitary pads I had in it. I had one towel on my head and another wrapped around under my arms because of those stupid tan-lines that were caused by that stupid sports-bra.

“This is a boys’ locker-room,” one boy shouted when I came back from the shower.

“I’m a boy too,” I said.

“What’s this?” another boy demanded, pointing with his finger at the pack of sanitary pads.

“I use them…”

“I DON’T WANT TO KNOW what you are using them for or how you are using them just GET OUT OF HERE!”

“But…”

The next thing I knew there were boys at each my side. A moment later I was standing outside the door and my bag was dropped beside me.

What now?

I was standing here in the hall of the high school barefoot and nude wrapped in two towels. According to the clock on the wall the school halls will fill with students, in a few minutes. All will be pointing their fingers at me and making a laughing stock out of me.

 

 

I was standing there, wrapped in the towel and was now trying to rearrange it a little when there was that sound “Ahem!” that made me squeak an intelligent “Ye-e-p!” and turn to the source of the sound.

“What do you think you are doing here?” VP Mrs. Gordon asked and motioned her hands indicating the towel I was wrapped in. “And why are you dressed so fancy?”

“Boys have thrown me out…”

“From where?”

I motioned my head to boys’ locker-room because I used both hands to keep the towel in place.

“To my office. Now!” she ordered and when I tried to grab my gym bag with my left hand she intercepted me: “I’ll take that. Keep moving.”

“So what happened?” she asked when we were in her office.

I retold my story concisely.

“Who’s your drama teacher?”

“Mrs. Edith Sablotzki, ma’am.”

“OK,” she said and punched a short number on her phone. “Edith? It’s Celia. I have your student in my office… Sure… waiting.”

Then she punched her phone again. “Zoe? It’s Celia… Yes… I guess I have one of yours’ here in my office… I don’t think… Would you come here, please…? Yes… No… waiting.”

“So your clothes are hanging on the heater in the boys’ locker-room?” VP asked.

I nodded my head ‘yes’.

“Well…” she said and punched her phone again. “Mark? It’s Celia. We have a minor problem here. Would you be so dear to bring clothes hanging on the heater in the boys’ locker-room? … No, no one is in trouble… No, no… waiting.”

Strange, but boys’ coach Mark Kirkwood was the first who came into VP office.

“All your clothes are muddy and soaking wet and only your panties are dry.” He placed my clothes on the chair at my side and put my whitey tighties separately. Why did he call them panties? “I couldn’t find your bra,” he said.

“I don’t have one,” I replied.

“What?” both VP and coach asked in unison. What could I say? I just shrugged.

“Well, I leave you, alone ladies. Boys are waiting for me,” the coach said and left the room. The door was still open as Ms. Nors entered the room.

“Oh girl, you managed to get into trouble already?” she asked me. What could I say in response? Questions lately sounded like rhetoric to me and I had no answers.

“What she has done today?” Ms. Nors asked VP.

“She was thrown out of the boys’ locker-room wearing the towel and the turban. The question is, how or why she got in?”

“Oh, I do know why, maybe because she’s a boy,” Ms. Nors said in a stage whisper.

I was tired, cold, exhausted by today’s events, by starving the last couple of weeks and by this constant ‘you’re the girl’ nonsense. My body started tingling, tears were welling in my eyes and my only wish was to disappear. I guess I fainted.

 

 

I woke up in the same room lying on the couch. The red-brown plaid was draped over me. I discretely checked with my hand and found that I was already in my whitey tighties. All three ladies were sitting on chairs and all three of them were staring at me.

“I guess I owe you an apology,” Ms. Nors said.

I said nothing and shrugged.

The Drama teacher gave me a cup with something hot.

“Take it. It’s tea and it will warm you up and give you some energy,” she said.

It really was hot and very sweet. I started to sip it slowly. I felt better and warmer almost immediately.

“A minor problem becomes a big one,” Mrs. Gordon said. “Everybody in the school thinks you are a girl, even the school records state you are. I don’t know how, but officially you are a girl. If you come out from this office like a boy it will be the end, not for the school, the school is big enough and it will survive. It would be the end for you. The name calling would be the least of your problems. Sissy and fairy would be the least insulting ones…”

“Me, a sissy…?” I almost fainted again.

“You are not, calm down please.” Ms. Nors asked.

“So, we have called your parents and your Dad will be here in two hours, after school,” VP said.

“I have found a complete Wednesday costume with shoes but without underwear,” the drama teacher added.

“I don’t need underwear, I have my whitey tighties already on and…”

“Panties,” said Ms. Nors.

“What?”

“This garment is called ‘panties’.”

“Really?”

“Really. I’ve checked the tag personally – ‘Girls panties, age 12’. Haven’t you read the tag?”

“The sales lady in the store said they would fit, they do fit, so why bother? By the way, I’m thirteen.”

“Certainly…”

“Ok, so they’re panties, they’re on and I don’t need another pair of underwear,” I said.

“You need a bra,” Ms. Nors said.

“Not again,” I growled, “I’m not a girl and I don’t have breasts.”

“You’re wrong,” Ms. Nors objected, “not big ones, but about size A. They’re correct for your age.”

“Those are muscles,” I complained.

“No, no,” she shook her head. “Those are soft round breasts with enlarged nipples. That again are appropriate for a girl your age.”

“How can I have breasts?” I was stunned and scared.

“We don’t know sweetie,” Mrs. Gordon said, “You need to visit a doctor, ASAP.”

“OK, I’ll ask Dad,” I said, “so what about that Friday costume?”

“It’s not a Friday, it’s a Wednesday,” the drama teacher corrected me.

“Is there a difference?”

“Haven’t you ever seen ‘The Addams family’ on TV?” she asked.

“We don’t have a TV,” was my reply.

“Oh!” all three exclaimed in unison.

 

 

The costume wasn’t that bad, but, it was a dress. Sleeves were a little too long and the skirt was a little too short. It wasn’t as short as a cheerleader’s uniform, but for me, it was obscene, especially because I was the one wearing it! Under it went pantyhose, which was cable knit as the drama teacher said. At last, there were the shoes. They were like a mix of sandals and regular shoes. One of the teachers called them ‘Mary Janes’. When I had them on they felt strange because apparently, they had a half inch heel. Ms. Nors said it wasn’t a big deal. I was used to having my heel at the same level as the rest of my foot and the extra height felt rather strange.

My hair was still damp and the drama teacher used a blow dryer on it. Now it was dry but voluminous and all three of teachers said it would better to keep the hair in bunches. I had my hair in bunches before during the photo session. Mrs. Gordon didn’t get ribbons for my hair, but some kind of rubber bands named ‘scrunches’.

They said I looked good and kind of cute in the dress and my hair in bunches. I wasn’t ready to face the world dressed as a girl yet. People still didn’t like me after the homecoming game. There was no way I could vindicate myself without revealing my secret that I was a boy. Mrs. Gordon let me spend the rest of the day in the library until my Dad got here. Then we could go to see the Doctor and see what Doc would say.

Before I left the VP gave me another cup of hot sweet tea and I was sitting on the edge of the couch sipping it.

“Even after I’ve seen the evidence,” the drama teacher started, “I see a girl, not a boy. Every movement, your posture, your manners say or rather scream ‘girl’. You sit straight with your knees together and drink your tea in small sips.”

“The tea is hot,” I said to explain the small sips, but I couldn’t find how to explain the rest.

 

 

Ms. Nors led me to the library when the fifth period was still in progress. There I was sitting at the farthest table and doing my homework. I was excused from today’s practice and was waiting for Dad to arrive. I was afraid of him teasing me about wearing the dress, as he and Rami usually teased me at home. I looked up and there he was, standing at the table and…

“Let’s go, you have an appointment in almost two hours. We have enough time to get a snack,” he said. And no teasing… Just naturally, like it normal for his younger son to be in a dress.

“Give me your hand,” he said as we were walking down the corridor.

“I’m grown up,” I complained.

“When you’re a girl it shows I’m protecting you.” Dad was always like that. He was always explaining everything anytime.

So we walked to the car my hand in his.

“The dress suits you, by the way,” he said while unlocking car’s door. “But black is definitely NOT your color.”

“But I’m a boy and…” I started to complain.

“Shush…” he raised his hand to silence me. “By the way, your drama teacher, Edith something…”

“Sablotzki,” I prompted.

“Yes, the same. So she said you need a bra.”

“But I’m not…”

“Shush,” he silenced me again. “First we’ll talk with the Doc, OK?”

 

 

The first thing was a stop at the food court in the mall. I had French fries and Dad had a papaya smoothie. We had still about an hour afterward, we ended up at one of those big superstores, one that has everything.

“Why…” I was about to complain but Dad interrupted me.

“As I said, black’s definitely not your color and you look like your all clothes are borrowed.”

I never said I liked that dress.

The same moment we entered the store there was a sales lady, ‘Leila’ was the name on her name tag, in front of us.

“I want Andy to change into something less formal and not so ‘costume’ in colors that suit her better,” Dad said. He looked at his watch and added: “and I need it in thirty minutes.”

“No problem,” the sales lady said. She already had her hand over my shoulders to take me somewhere when Dad stopped us.

“Andy, Leila… Leila, yes?” The saleslady nodded yes. “So Andy, Leila is professional. She knows best what suits you and what not so no complaining. OK?”

I nodded obediently and Leila took my hand in hers and led me to the shoe racks. She selected white and lilac colored sneakers to put on. They fit well, but I wasn’t sure about the colors and walked to the mirror. Even with black pantyhose, they looked good, really good. The color wasn’t so girly.

The next thing was a burgundy turtleneck pullover. Leila put up it to my front to see how it looks.

“Size 12, I guess,” she said and I nodded without complaining that my age was actually thirteen. So she took it and we headed to other racks that appeared to be the skirts. I was about to start complaining but then remembered what Dad had asked me. Leila took one from the rack, a denim one, put it in front of me and then led me to the changing rooms. She gave me both garments and ushered me into changing room.

“You change into those and I’ll be right back.”

I changed and I felt a little better in the pullover and skirt but the black pantyhose was really out of the place. Leila was back instantly and handed me a pack what was called ‘Ribbed tights’ colored violet.

“Wouldn’t it be too much violet?” I asked.

“It’s actually lavender,” Leila replied, “and your sneakers are purple amethyst. They are shades of violet. So you are partially right. Then Violet itself is a secondary color matching well with shades of purple, red and blue.”

I changed into the tights and they were the same as pantyhose, just much thicker.

“Look at yourself,” Leila exclaimed, “what a cute one. Let’s go see your Dad.”

Dad was waiting outside looking at some accessories.

“Wow! You look really good, I mean it!” Dad said. I twirled in front of him, he nodded his head approvingly then looked at his watch again.

“We still have eight minutes left… I guess we need a purse to complete the outfit,” he said and turned to Leila.

 

 

The visit to the Doctor wasn’t funny, a lot of blood was taken. The Doc set an appointment with another Doc – psycho-something – a shrink. Then she said whether you’re a girl or a boy, breasts need a bra or they will become saggy. Ewww…

“Plain or something fancy?” Dad asked.

“Plain,” I replied.

We were back in the same store again and Leila helped us again.

“This time we need a bra,” Dad stated, “I guess we need a few to last for a couple of days.”

“Do you know your size?” Dad turned to me. I shook my head ‘no’. “Ok, we need to get you measured first.”

Leila looked at me then at Dad then again at me and said: “Follow me.”

We followed her to the changing rooms and she led me into one of the cubicles.

“Wait here,” she said to Dad.

“I’m the Fa…”

“GET OUT!” Leila raised her voice.

“OK, OK…” Dad said and turned to look at some accessories as he did before.

“Men…” Leila sighed. “Take your pullover and underwear off.”

I took the pullover off.

“You have no underwear? Oh… Woolen pullover over bare skin isn’t good. Well… Stand straight and relax.”

She measured my chest with tape several times. Why several times? Wasn’t she experienced as Dad thought at first?

“Your bra size is 28A,” she said. “Do you have some style you like the best?”

“Uh-huh… not-wired, padded push-up?” Actually, I did know only one style, the one Randy told me during yoga camp.

“Oh… Padded push-up? Are you sure? Was it that style you were wearing to get those tan-lines?”

“That was sports bra,” I replied.

“Sports bra at your age?”

“I’m a cheerleader.”

“Well, wait for me here I’ll be right back,” she left and I was left staring at my so-called breasts in the mirror.

Leila was back shortly with a few white and creamy bras with enormous cups.

“So big?” I gasped.

“They are not,” she replied. “They are the padded push-up you said you wanted. They are seamless which makes them almost invisible under your clothes.”

Leila helped me to put one of them on. She had me struggle with the clasps on my back. It was simple after I got how my hands have to be bent. The bra felt neither good nor bad. It was here on my chest. I felt it but it didn’t pinch or chafe so it was probably OK.

“Should I take it off?” I asked.

“No, no. You’ll take it off for showering or for bed. So if this one is good I have more in the same size and style. I’ll select some in plain colors like white, nude and peach. Do you want some matching panties to go with them?”

“Why? No! I have enough panties.” I forced myself to say ‘panties’ instead of ‘whitey tighties’ and was about to put the pullover back on.

“Wait! Put a cami on first,” Leila handed me a vest but the material was softer and it had cups. It was good to have something under the pullover.

“Usually Moms come to buy the first bras for their daughters,” Leila said when she was ringing my purchases.

This time it was the Father with his son, I thought to myself staring at the girl with the tits and my face in the mirror at the side of the cash register.

 

 

It wasn’t late but it was too late for Dad to cook at home so we decided to grab some pizza and salad at the mall.

“Do you want to do some more shopping?” Dad asked after we placed pizzas on the back seat in his car.

“We still have a little more than an hour till your Mom comes home,” he said.

“Huh? Do I need?” It was so out of the blue.

“As you are now officially a girl and all girls adore shopping…”

“DAAAD!” There was that teasing again. “I’m NOT. That was coincidence…”

“Do you know you pout like a girl?”

“Yes, I do. Randy said it,” I replied with hands on hips.

“So, we go home then?”

“If we have still some time, can we go to the shelter to look at those kittens?” I asked.

“What shelter?”

“ASPCA I guess.”

“There’re two in the town. Was there a swan painted on the side of the car?”

“Oh no, definitely no swan. There was a lot of something written like phone numbers or something,” I replied.

“If there was no swan then it should be the shelter on North shore drive. Let’s go then.”

 

 

I’d expected the shelter to be like a farm with all special buildings for animals and birds. Apparently, it was exclusively a cats’ shelter and it looked like a house. Maybe it was a little bigger than a normal house but a house anyway.

“Oh, today’s heroine!” exclaimed the man behind the counter with the name tag ‘Paul’. The girl who was at the school, “Andy, right? I got your name at school. As I placed the pictures and videos on Facebook, I wanted to tag you on them but I couldn’t find you there.”

“I don’t have Facebook,” I said.

“If you have an email we can create you an account for you now,” the man offered.

I glanced at Dad and he shrugged and then nodded ‘yes’. “Why not,” he said.

“Stand here by the wall and I’ll take your picture,” Paul directed me to the wall and took a picture with his phone. Then he did something on his PC and at last handed me a piece of paper.

“Your login info,” he said.

“Thank you. May we see the kittens?” I asked, folded the paper and put it into my purse.

“Sure. Follow me.”

He led us through a corridor with cages stacked along one wall. There were two cats in every cage but they weren’t cramped because every cage was four feet long and three feet high. They weren’t at home and almost all cats looked sad. The corridor ended with a wide door with a ‘Quarantine’ sign on it.

Paul opened the door and let us in first. It was a big room with another four cages, but only one was occupied, with the kittens from the school stadium. Paul opened the cage and handed me one and then another. Other two were given to Dad. The kittens were very frisky and they moved all the time. I could barely keep two of them in my hands. When in the stadium they probably were cold, hungry and frightened so I could extract them from under the bleachers two at a time without any problem.

I put my two back into the cage and turned to see how Dad was doing. Paul had noticed something was wrong before me so he had taken the kittens from Dad already. Dad’s face was dark red, his eyes were tearing and his nose was running. Even his neck seemed a little puffy.

“Allergies?” Paul asked and Dad nodded.

“I have pills in the car,” he whispered and left the room hastily.

Paul closed kittens back in the cage and then led me to the exit.

“I’m sorry for your Father,” he said. “I half expected you would take one of them home but with your Dad’s allergy it would be senseless.”

We said our goodbyes and I hurried to the car. Dad was sitting behind the wheel as if nothing happened.

“It’s usually the same,” he said, “if I leave without delay and take my medicine it goes as fast as it comes.”

“The man, Paul, wanted to give us one kitten but with your allergy…”

“We probably can, but first we need to ask Mom and Rami too,” Dad said.

“And your allergy?”

“The allergy is actually not to fur but to fur mite’s feces. When there’re no mites there is no reason for the allergy.”

 

 

We were the first home and I headed to my room to change.

“Andy, wait!” Dad asked. “Don’t change. Please!”

“But Dad! Mom and Rami will laugh at me,” I whined.

“You’ll see, they won't,” Dad promised.

I stayed in the kitchen with Dad to prepare the salad and pizza.

Mom was the first to come home. She rushed into the kitchen and hugged me tightly. Then she held me at arm’s length and just stared at me.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t be with you at your first outing,” she said.

Rami came home shortly. Dad was right! Rami didn’t tease me.

We had our meal and we were talking as we usually did. The talk wasn’t about me but one or another it was related to me, Dad’s allergy, we were talking about the kittens and me. Later it was Dad getting kicked out of the changing room and other moments of the day.

“Explore your other side,” Mom said, “others don’t have such an opportunity.”

It was so natural for me wearing the skirt, my padded and pushed-up tits sticking out. They looked bigger than they were to me, but then again it was probably just me. Others didn’t seem to notice my tits at all, or that I was a girl.

 

 

The next morning, I had to put my bra on. My tits were showing no matter what I would put on. That was a problem. I've said it before and I’ll say it again, I didn’t have my growth spurt like most boys do. My yearly growth was so insignificant that I haven't needed to buy new clothes. I only had to buy them when they were torn or worn, but I was very careful. Now I had a bunch of clothes from the sixth grade. The insignificant growth wasn’t a zero, I was growing a little anyway. What earlier was oversized now fit well. Why am I talking so much about clothes? I had no oversized ones anymore and anything I had was showing those stupid breasts. The only thing that I had was Rami’s hand me down hoodie. It was bulky enough to hide my tits.

It was like some kind of fun for everyone in my family but me. I had to live with me being mistaken for a girl and wait in anticipation for puberty to come. Boys tended to develop into hairy bulky creatures. Six months ago my friend Al and I were both five feet and now he was bigger than me. Another example was Rami – when we both were in junior high we were very much alike, though his hair was darker. Now he’s almost ten inches taller than me and weighs almost twice like me. The same will happen to me if not tomorrow then probably in a few months.

Yesterday was significant for me but for the rest of the student body, it was the same as any other. I was pariah yesterday and I will still be one today. To be invisible was much better than to be ignored.

 

 

There were still a few minutes left until the first period. I was waiting outside because the weather was nice, unlike it was yesterday. I was looking at the stadium and bleachers. Today there was a big puddle where the kittens were hiding before.

“Hey, Andy!” I heard Lucille approaching me. “That’s some school spirit you’ve showed yesterday.”

I turned around and there were the girls from my stunt along with Chris with Sean.

“Facebook is buzzing about you and those four kittens,” Cathy said.

“We all think it’s time for you to come back to the squad,” Chris stated. “The coach is eager to see you with us again also.”

“Are you really ok with me here?” I stammered.

“Look… How can I say it?” Chris mumbled.

“Maybe you were wrong once, but you are our best girl cheerleader,” Sean said.

“But… but I am…”

“Welcome home,” Lucille said and the group hugged me.

“By the way, black is definitely NOT your color,” Sheila stated.