Author retains all rights to this original work of fiction.

Thursday, March 29th 8:43 PM
The after party was more like an after dance than a gathering of all the contestants being made available for the audience to schmooze with. With how I was feeling about the competition right now that was kind of a relief. I didn't think I had it in me to smile while people told me I should have won or placed. What was I doing here?!

Up front in the Grand Cayman banquet room was a DJ with a full complement of speakers blasting the Jonas Brothers 'Sucker' song at the moment. The far wall had finger food and three 'No Host' bars. The banquet room was easily half filled with audience members and the music was so loud I could barely hear myself think! Nope, not hanging out here! I've fulfilled my obligations to this contest and I'm done...

I pulled my phone out and texted Kaley, "Where are U?"

She replied almost right away, "We're in line to get in. Taking forever!"

Me: "Not in the mood for this, meet me in the lobby?"

Kaley: "I'm sorry... K, CU in the lobby."

I need to...

I saw the mother and her daughter approaching me quickly, at first I was a little worried, but the mom smiling and her quick wave put me at ease - a little bit.

"You're Breanna Calloway," the mom shouted above the music blaring as she approached.

"Hi... Yes, that's what my mom decided my name should be," I replied trying not to shout, but be heard. I was wearing a name tag - that was going in the trash as soon as I got out of here.

"This is my daughter Elisa," she continued, "We didn't make it to the show last night and after your performance we really wanted to meet you. You're such an inspiration."

I could tell I was blushing and said the only thing I could think to say, "Thank you..." Of course having to shout it seemed rude, but it was a necessity.

"Would you mind taking a picture with Elisa," she asked leaning closer to me so I could hear her.

Elisa looked a bit embarrassed by the exchanged and I didn't want her to feel left out, "I love your hair. As you can tell, mine is flat because of the dreads I wore during my performance." Even though I was talking near a shout - my words seemed to hit a chord with her. She was smiling now.

"Thank you...," Elisa replied, "I know... We know you're busy and have others to talk too..."

I interrupted her, "I'm not busy and I'm happy to talk with you for as long as you'd like..." I hoped the shouting of that over the music came out right, like I wasn't mad or anything. Of course my mom and the others waiting for me in the lobby would probably wondering where I was, but hey - they'd understand.

"Elisa is seventeen and just started her transition, do you have any advice for her or is there something you did to make it easier for you," the mother asked.

Okay, not what I was expecting. I couldn't yell whatever words of wisdom I could pull out of five years of transitioning and thin air - so, "Let's step outside a second. The entrance for us is right over there," I motioned behind me, "It'll be quieter..."

They agreed and followed me to the door for staff and performers. Once out in the hall it was like we'd entered a tomb or something. My ears were ringing off the hook! I smiled at Elisa, who looked like she was trying to blink the ringing in her ears away. What do I say to this kid? What would I have wanted someone to tell me? "Well, first thing is you're not broken. Nothing about what you are doing is wrong or unnatural," I took a breath, "If you think about it - this really is a chance for you to reinvent yourself in the image you have of yourself in your heart and I'll bet you come out a better version on the other side. You can't be what others expect you are supposed to be in their minds and they have no right to project their expectations on you. The person you were is gone and while some of who that person was has molded you - change is natural. It's going to be hard. Anyone who says it's not is fooling themselves. Trust in you, your mom, and those who love you the most. That's pretty much how I make it out of bed everyday..." I had to stop because I felt like what I was saying was preachy. Was I preaching? Augh!

It happened so quickly I wasn't sure how to react, but Elisa came at me and was hugging me before I had a chance to react. I could feel her tiny heaves as she began crying, "Oh... Hey... Hey, now... You're going to be amazing," I got my hands to her arms and peeled her back slowly, "It's okay, don't be afraid to let go when your cup overflows. If you don't you'll go crazy. Trust me, I know, I've gone crazy plenty of times," I laughed a little, trying to focus on her eyes.

"Here..." Elisa's mom said handing her a tissue.

If this went on much longer I was going to need one of those. I smiled at Elisa, then at her mom, "See, you biggest supporter is right there... She'll keep you going in the right direction, right mom?"

"Oh, absolutely...," was Elisa's mom' reply.

Elisa did her best to not totally ruin the rest of her makeup with the tissue and even asked a few questions - thankfully easy ones. She asked how I could sing so beautifully, and in front of a crowd. I told her I had been doing it since I was very young and it was a passion and an escape. It also made being 'out' easier to deal with. There were a few questions her mom threw at me, but again easy ones. I encourage Elisa to be active in Transgender events and support groups and ended by giving her my Instagram and Twitter accounts. I also mentioned she could look me up on Facebook and I would happily follow her journey. Elisa and I took that picture she wanted - though her mom was kind of annoying with trying to get Elisa to smile 'just right'. I whispered to Elisa, "My mom is exactly the same way..." That seemed to put Elisa in a good space and we did a non-tearful hug. Even her mom hugged me - thanking me for taking the time to encourage Elisa and for being so kind.

I walked them back to the banquet room door and as I pulled it open we were slammed by a club mix of a DJ Kaled song I couldn't put a title too - Augh! Too freaking loud! I watched Elisa and her mom walk away. Arms around each other, no worse for the wear. Guess I paid some good forward. I could do that kind of exchange all day, all night. Oh, and no mention of winning tonight - BONUS!

I let the door go, turned around quickly, and almost ran into someone full on - shit! "Blake! Where did you come from," I exclaimed, shocked he was standing right behind me.

"Sorry, I was about to say, 'Hey Brea', but you turned around so quickly. I didn't mean to startle you," he said apologetically.

He had startled me, "What are you doing back here?" It sounded like I was complaining, but I was just trying to get my heart to slow down from the fright.

"I just left the theater and needed to come check on the catering and the bar. I saw you walking that mother and daughter to the banquet entrance, you weren't sneaking them in were you," Blake asked.

"No," I complained, "It was too loud in there to have a conversation so I brought them out here...," I explained.

"You not going back in," he asked looking towards the door.

I could smell his cologne and it smelled really good. Focus... Was there a vibe, something going on between us? Something is going on here - I'm feeling something... He shifted his head slightly as if he were wondering where I'd gone for a micro-second, "Honestly, not feeling like being in a crowd...," I wondered if he would consider what I had just said as an invite? Would I want to be alone with him? Yeah, but not if he isn't interested... Say something that makes me think you're interested. So much for being focused!

"Yeah, I think I get it," he said, "You should have placed second or third tonight, I'm sorry about that..."

What?! You don't think I could have won against Wyatt? Augh... No, you didn't get it - because if you had, you'd have said something like, 'Let's get out of here...' Now I was sure he wasn't interested. Mom and Kaley were wrong, there was no 'vibe' - what was I thinking. He's just the guy who recruited me and is too busy doing his job to pick up on... Augh! Stop! Be gracious and get out of here, "Thanks, I poured my heart into this competition. I learned a few things about myself. Thank you for roping me into it, I won't ever forget your kindness..." Okay, that's it, that's my farewell speech to you Mr. Schultz. So, say something polite back and I'll be on my way and you can be on your...

"You never did have that drink with me... You kind of owe me," he replied smiling

Huh? Did he really just say that? Wait, "No... I... I guess time just got away from us," I said quietly. Was he toying with me? Does he think I like him or something? How easy would it be to kiss him right now? Would he be repulsed? Was he pursuing me? Why can't I get a clear read on this guy?! Fuck! Focus!

"Well, this thing is going on until midnight, and I could slip out of closing the club. Would you like to get a drink later," he asked.

The ask made goosies on my arms rise and I felt a little chilled, short of breath... What do I do? Do I... Augh! "Okay, I owe you that drink... You wanna call me when you're free? Meet in the lobby or something? You have my number right," I asked. Why did I rattling all that off so quickly like a nervous school girl?! g'Augh!!!

He pulled out his phone, tapped a few icons, and turned the screen for me to see my name and number. That was a surprise. I considered asking him about it, but this wasn't the place - had I read him wrong? This is so confusing! Why did I feel tongue tied? Speak, say something! "Well, I'll be waiting for your call then...," I said with a smile. OMG! What is my deal?! Did I mean to sound coy, flirty?

"Excellent..." The door to the banquet room opened, music was blasting, and he looked past me. I turned to see a staff person waving at him a little urgently to come do something or help with something. "Hey, I gotta go, see you in a bit,"

Before I could say anything he was moving quickly towards the banquet room door. I hoped it wasn't some kind of protestor shit... OMG! I need to shower, change clothes... Vibe?

Thursday, March 29th 9:06 PM
My phone vibrated as soon as I rounded the corner from the banquet rooms hallway to the lobby. I looked at it, Kaley - 'Where RU?' I didn't need to answer because they saw me and headed my way.

I got a big hug from mom and a kiss on the cheek, "You were spectacular tonight. I don't know what those judges were thinking but they got it wrong."

I smiled, but inside I was a little angry about how it played out. I was sure I beat Lisa, and Michelle was amazing, but her stage presence was - no polite way to say this - boring. I actually felt bad for her - nerves probably got the better of her during that performance. "Thanks, mom...," I finally said.

Kaley, Bill, and Charles all got hugs and kisses. Kaley said I was 'robbed' and Charles actually cussed, then quickly apologized to mom - but pretty much said the same thing as Kaley. Bill was the last to chime in, "Look, I agree - you got ripped off. Straight up singing Dana versus you - pretty equal. Your performance was as good as I've ever heard you sing. Your breathing, projection, tone, control - Brea, you have never sung better I really mean that..."

"So how did he beat me," I asked trying to control the complaint in my voice I knew was draped over the ask.

"Truthfully, he didn't or he shouldn't have," Bill continued, "When he sat at the edge of the stage his ability to hold those notes he should have was compromised due to the compression of his diaphram while sitting. His tone, projection, all suffered. How the hell the judges didn't pick that up really makes me question their abilities."

I hadn't noticed a change in Dana's voice when he sat at the edge of the stage to swoon the women that rushed the stage, but if Bill said it affected his performance - it did. "I don't get it, was it that bad," I asked.

"Only thing I can think is the judges tuned out how he was singing and were captivated by what he was doing at the stage with those women," Bill conceded.

"That's such crap," Kaley injected. Charles echoed what she said, but used the word 'shit' instead. He apologized again to my mom, this time she told him she agreed with him - which got a few chuckles from everyone.

"I had stage presence," I complained.

"You doing that microphone thing with the audience was brilliant. Really smart, engaging. The audience singing along, the cell phones lighting up the theater," Bill stopped and shook his head, "I honestly don't get it - you were spot on and could have challenged for second place, to tell the truth."

Bill wasn't candy coating my performance. I think if he could play it back he'd find something I screwed up, but that nothing was glaringly wrong and him saying Dana's performance was flawed made me even more angry. "Well, I gave it my best shot. I would do this again, but without all the PBS documentary stuff..."

"You were perfect tonight honey," mom said putting an arm around me and squeezing me in a half hug.

"Thank moms... I really appreciate all the support and love from each of you," I said, hugging each of them again. Leave it to Charles to make it goofy - he encouraged everyone into a big group hug. That turned into us hugging and hopping around and just being silly. I'm sure people were wondering what drugs we were on.

When that was over Kaley asked, "What took you so long to get out of there?"

Oh boy... How to explain that. I started with the easy explanation - Elisa and her mom Q & A. Then, I mentioned Blake.

"Really..." mom and Kaley said in unison.

"Still think there isn't interest," mom asked with a knowing grin.

"It's not like that," I complained. I needed to move this conversation in another direction, "I'm just paying him back for 'our' lunch the other day."

I watched Bill lean in towards Kaley, "That's the stalker guy, right?"

"He's not a stalker," I complained, "He just... He just came at me wrong."

The conversation spiraled playfully out of control after that. Mom even suggesting Kaley tag along.

Kaley said, "I can come with... If you need the support." I shot her a look and a crooked smile as my answer.

Luckily the comedy team of mom, Kaley, Bill and Charles, cut me some slack and gave me a pass after their minor razing. Bill and Charles said their 'Good Nights' to all of us and headed towards the casino. Mom, did the same, but not before saying she expected a call when I got back to my room after my 'date'. I complained that it wasn't a 'date', but I knew not to argue and agreed to call. Our hug lasted a few seconds longer than I expected. When we broke, she kissed my forehead and said, "I'm so proud of you. Love you..."

"I love you too mom... Good night..." She stood there a second until I said, "I know... I'll call you, promise." She smiled and Kaley and I watched her head towards the elevators. All of us were on the same flight home tomorrow, so I would be seeing them all in the morning and get to relive my evening no doubt. Augh... Joy, joy!

Friday, March 29th 12:04 AM
Kaley and I had been working on making me presentable since we'd said good night to mom, Bill and Charles. While I showered Kaley was figuring out what I should wear from the minimal choices I had brought. A simple silk top, a floral print A-line skirt, and my new sandals were the best combination - why hadn't I brought more clothes? Kaley ran to her room and returned with the perfect sweater to complete my outfit when I complained I didn't have anything but a heavier jacket to wear in case I got cold. Whew!

While showering - not sure why I was in such a rush - I nicked my shin shaving and it bled like I'd cut an artery. While my skirt was just below the knee, the little nick looked like I had been attacked by a machete. Kaley said it was barely even noticeable and took one of my foam makeup wedges and blended my gaping wound (exaggeration from the drama queen I was being) so that it barely was visible after it had stopped bleeding. When I looked in the mirror of the closet slider, that's all I could see, not that my hair was looking better than it had all weekend, that my makeup - assist by Kaley - was so on point... No, I could only see my nicked up shin. The dysphoria gorilla had climbed recklessly up my back was perched precariously on shoulders. Augh!!!

Blake had called at 11:40 PM to say Karen Cole was going to handle the breakdown of the banquet facility and he was going to talk with his lead bartender in each of the clubs about closing them down. I had been dressed and ready since nearly 11:00 PM and stressing every choice I'd made right up until he called.

"Want to meet at midnight in the lobby," he asked. I agreed, but Kaley insisted I needed to be late - even though it was like grinding teeth for me or someone chewing gum with their mouth open. Being late was not in my DNA and as I rode the elevator down I was uncomfortable, nervous, and cheeked my shin for the hundredth time to see if it was oozing or bleeding. Nope... Let it go!

I exited the elevator to a mildly crowded lobby, which makes sense, the after party had just ended. I wasn't sad about missing out on those festivities. It was very unlikely anyone was going to recognize me since I wasn't in costume and NOT wearing a name tag. I looked around and didn't see Blake, but I did see Wyatt and walked over to where he was talking up a couple women who were giggling at something he had just said.

"Brea!" He looked like he wasn't feeling any pain and was talking pretty loud.

"Mr. Champion...," I said, hugging him and kissing his cheek. I got a couple looks from the two women standing there.

"Ladies, this is Brea, she was in the show tonight..."

"Really? I don't recognize... Wait, you sang 'What's Up?' - Oh! I loved it," exclaimed the first women. Her friend didn't look the least bit impressed.

"Thanks," I said feeling like I was a fourth wheel on a tricycle. I looked around the lobby again, still no Blake.

"You meeting someone," Wyatt asked, and followed that up by saying I looked very nice.

The question shouldn't have startled me, but it did. The compliment was a nice addition, but the look from Ms. Unimpressed spoke volumes. Why was I so nervous right now? "Yeah, I'm paying someone back by having a drink with them..."

"You going to the club? Come with us, that's where we're going... Or find us in there," Wyatt said taking both my shoulders while asking me to come - or maybe he was just trying to steady himself.

"I'm not sure what my date has planned," and having said that out loud I reiterated to myself what was the source of my nervousness - did I really think this was a date? Why couldn't I just think it was two people getting a drink? Was this going to lead to something more? There was NOT going to be a repeat of Tyler tonight.

This was futile! I told Kaley that, but she insisted I needed this. Like practicing for an interview - it will get better, easier... She said, 'Just keep him talking by asking him questions. Most guys like to talk...' Augh!

"We should go," the crankier of the two women said, "The line for the club looks pretty long..."

"Not to worry darl'n, they have a couple tables reserved for us already," Wyatt said taking the arms of the two women and started walking towards the club, "Come find us Brea," he shouted over his shoulder.

Guess we're done here I thought to myself with a chuckle. That boy is feeling no pain for sure! I scanned the lobby again and not seeing Blake, I headed towards one of the couches in the lobby to watch for him and do a little people watching.

Friday, March 29th 12:11 AM
As soon as I sat down I saw them exit the elevators and turn towards the casino. Dana was a few steps behind Tyler and Jennifer - he saw me, but the two love birds hadn't. I shook my head, he replied in kind and shrugged. As much as I wanted that pound of flesh from Tyler - he and his girl deserved each other.

Nothing I could say would register and in the long run I didn't need any more stress before Blake showed up. Can't fix ignorance or stupidity. I pulled my phone and texted Kaley, "Just saw Tyler and Jennifer... So in LOVE!"

Kaley: "I'm coming down there...," she replied almost instantly.

Me: "Don't bother. They didn't see me and honestly I'm over it. Bitch looks like she's already forgiven him. Love - f'n scary!"

Kaley: "RU w/ Blake?"

Me: "No, he's late! lol"

Kaley: "I'm coming down there...," she added a frowning face emoji.

Me: "I'm fine, if he stands me up we can go do something..."

Kaley: "K, but not before I track his ass down and light him up for ditching you!"

Me: "Thanks... O - IC him! OK..."

Kaley: "Relax... Questions!"

I didn't get a chance to reply before he was standing right in front of me, "I'm so sorry, couple staffing problems. I should have texted you, but thought I could break free sooner... Have you been waiting long?"

He looked genuinely flustered about being late, did he have the same 'late' affliction as I did? I smiled to set his mind at ease, "No, pretty much just sat down..." Of course I'd been late myself - on purpose; had a nice conversation with Wyatt - debatable; looked around for you no less than a dozen times - did I mention I was late; had to deal with one grumpy bitch - wanting me gone so she could hang with Wyatt; and got to see a major bit of angst for me this weekend in my favorite power couple of Tyler and Jennifer. I decided to not share that with him.

"Okay, good... I am sorry Brea."

Was there something about how he said my name that made me feel connected somehow? No, he's putting his heart on his sleeve that's all. Does that mean he cares? Augh... Don't jump to conclusions. Be reserved, let him lead, that's how you'll get a read on this guy. "I'm fine Blake, I was just about to watch people. Looks like the audience from the show decided to hang out. You guys did a really good thing here with this competition...," I said as a flush feeling spread over my face. What is my deal?

"Let me ask you this," he said with a boyish smirk, "How adventurous are you feeling right now?"

Adventurous? Ah, I'm not going midnight white river rafting, bungee jumping, skinny dipping in the hotel pool - not happening. His question was intriguing though, "I might be up for most things, but dressed like this there's a lot I'm not going to want to do...," I said smiling and certainly interested.

"How about people watching, but from a different prospective?"

Okay, now I'm curious, "What do you have in mind?"

"Do you trust me?"

Instantly I thought of the Aladdin movie - when he offered to take the princess on a magic carpet ride. Where the hell did I dig that reference up from? I studied his face while trying to decide what my answer was going to be. Yeah, I trusted him not to abduct me or have something sinister in mind. I could feel the adrenaline shot to my system as I tried to figure out what he had in mind. Okay, I'm game Mr. Schultz, "What do you have in mind," I asked with a hint of a smile and raised eyebrow.

"Well," he began, "We'd have to get out of here and it's maybe a fifteen minute drive, but I think it's worth it."

"Okay, but what is it you want to go do," I asked, now really curious.

"People watch...," he replied.

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