“Hooo –eee, “ Bernard exclaimed. “That’s the hottest kiss I’ve ever had – and I’ve had my share.”

“I loved it!” exulted Willow. “I love you! – Oh, wait. Omigod! I – I didn’t mean - ”

~o~O~o~

Thanks to everyone for bearing with me. I missed posting yesterday (see my blog post from them). My arm is not broken! Just bruised as "all get-out", as my gramma would have said. Anyway, on with the story.

~o~O~o~

It was 2pm that same Sunday as Willow approached her Momma. “Bernard’s on the phone; he’s asked to speak with you.”

Gwen put Willow’s cell to her ear. “Hello, Bernard.”

The mother listened for a short while, then said “Yes. Now will be fine. I’ll meet you at the front door, and I want to talk to her before you both get with my daughter. And Bernard – thank you for helping Willow yesterday, for standing with her and supporting her in that crisis. I’m so glad you were there. See you within the hour.” She then handed the phone back to Willow. “Bernard’s bringing someone over to help you – a mentor, I suppose.”

“I think they call them sponsors, Momma. Did he say who he’s bringing?”

“No. He said “she”, so I think it’s a woman.”

~o~O~o~

Willow waited expectantly on the living room sofa as she heard the sounds from the entryway. Her mother was interviewing Bernard and the mystery girl he’d brought with him. Finally, the talking stopped and Gwen led the other two to where her daughter was.

“Willow, you know Bernard here; and his friend is Julia. I’ll leave you three alone in here; I have laundry to do.”

“Hi, Willow. Good to meet you. I’m Julia, like she said.” These words came from a statuesque black woman wearing a cobalt blue dress; she had long straightened hair down to her breasts. “Okay if I sit down next to you?” She sat on the sofa while Bernard took a high backed chair.

“So you’re the ‘help’ Bernard promised,” said Willow. “I assume you know my situation. How are you going to try to fix me?”

Julia leaned towards the teen. “I thought you might want to use me as a sponsor in NA. I’m specially equipped to help someone like you.”

“What does THAT mean?”

“Well, I’ve had addiction problems with drugs and alcohol; I’ve overcome – and am still overcoming - severe emotional issues, including anger; I’ve been clean and sober for 3 years; and I’m a trans woman.”

“OMG! Those are all my issues! Are you for real?”

“Yeah, last time I checked.”

“Wait. So let me get this straight. You want to be my Narcotics Anonymous sponsor, right?”

“I only want to if you want to. I’m not here to pressure you; just letting you know I’m available.”

“She’s good, Willow,” added Bernard. “She’s not my sponsor, but she’s talked me through some rough spots this last year.”

“But …” Willow appeared a little confused. “Drugs are only a part of my issues – and not even the biggest part. How is having an NA sponsor going to help my anger when it’s out of control?”

“Honey. NA doesn’t focus mainly on staying off drugs, though that is a requirement. It teaches you how to deal with LIFE, so that you don’t turn to drugs, or food, or anger, or gambling, or alcohol whenever the stress gets high. This is the basis for all 12 step programs. The principles apply universally. And it helps to have a mentor – or as we say, a sponsor – around to help you through the steps. I want to hear your story, Willow; and after that, I’ll tell you mine.”

Julia listened intently to Willow’s story, grinning at how the teen started out to fool her parents and ended up discovering her true self. Willow was amazed at what Julia had been through; it made her own struggles seem like a piece of cake. At the end of their meeting, the young girl formally asked the older woman to be her sponsor in Narcotics anonymous.

“Now,” said Julia, “I’m writing out an accelerated schedule for you to work through the 12 steps. It will take a lot of time and energy, so your Mom needs to be OK with it. Let’s call her back in here.”

Bernard looked over Julia’s shoulder as she wrote down the action plan on a legal pad. “Wow, Jules – that’s really intense! It took eight months working with Joe T. for me to get to step 12. You’re planning on getting Willow there in 4 to 6 weeks?”

“Bernard, with the intensity of her emotions, we don’t need to dawdle. She needs to get into the fast lane of recovery. If it’s too much, I’ll tap the brakes – she’ll be talking with me daily.”

“So, I’ll be done with this in less than 2 months?” queried Willow.

Julia and Bernard both smiled wistfully at her response. “Unfortunately, girl, you’re never done,” said the sponsor. “Once you get to the advanced steps, you still have to keep practicing them every day. Reading, writing, meditation, meetings, phone calls – they’ll need to be a part of your sober life from now on, to keep your recovery going. Working through the steps intensely just gets you to recovery faster.

~o~O~o~

It was now December 20.

Willow and her Momma were at Dr. Estrada’s for counseling and shots. He was proud of her. “You’ve done very well with your weight loss, Willow; 12 pounds in the last 4 weeks!”

“Yes, I’ve lost every place on my body – except my thighs and hips. They keep bloating in spite of everything I try. Should I consider lipo?”

“You’re only 15, Willow. I wouldn’t recommend plastic surgery of any kind – even lipo – until you’re closer to 18 or 20. But let me check those areas.”

The doctor felt the outer crests of the hips and measured all around them, including the upper thighs; then he stepped back. “That isn’t fat, Willow. Your pelvic bones have widened. It’s a result of the hormones, although the high level of development you’re showing is a lot more than most trans females get. It appears that you’re building an extremely feminine pelvic outlet.”

“Outlet? What kind of outlet … I don’t understand,” fretted Willow. “Is that bad? Are there side effects I need to watch for?”

“I’m talking about your pelvic girdle – it has a more oval, widened proportion.”

“But I’m not wearing a girdle,” said the girl, head whirling in confusion.

Dr. Estrada sighed and scratched his head.

Gwen laughed. “Relax, doc; I speak teenager. Honey – he means you’re getting a “J. Lo” butt. The only negative effect is having to buy new clothes that fit it.”

“A Jennifer Lopez Butt! Doc - you told me not to expect much hip development, right?”

“As I said, yours is an extreme case. Most trans women would give an eyetooth to get what you’re getting.

So, it looks good then?” Willow wore a goofy grin. “Hey, I can think of some side effects. May cause whiplash in boy’s necks as I walk by. An uncontrollable urge to twerk …” The young girl stood and started to shake her rear end right there in the exam room. “Woo hoo!”

“That’s quite enough, daughter,” said Gwen as she pointed sharply to Willow’s chair seat. “Ah, to be a hot young teen girl. Sometimes I miss those days. But when I remember the cliques, emotions, acne, and advanced calculus, I get over it quick.”

Willow’s joy ebbed a little as the doctor examined her chest. “Am I getting ANY boobie growth, doc?”

“There’s not much tissue yet, but it’s still early – give them time. Your nipples are well developed at least. And your face is more rounded and softer. Your overall physical feminization is proceeding at a steady, acceptable pace. Now, let’s talk about your feminine socialization.”

~o~O~o~

Hey Bernard

Hey Willow

Do u remember this text a few weeks ago:

[[ Would love 2 go out with u again Bern

…

I mean – oh poop u kno what I mean

Do I?

WOULD LIKE TO HANG WITH YOU AGAIN. Nothing more

Aw nothing more really?

NOW I KNO U R TEASING ME.

Yeah. Kind of?

?? Um, maybe we can discuss what u mean in person ☺]]

Yes Willow I remember that text.

Well the Doc thinks I need to be doing more things socially with other people, more than just NA mtgs. – Like dates.

How did ur Mom take that advice

She’s OK with it! Especially OK with the person I told her I want to date.

Who’s that?

Give u 3 guesses

OK Justin Bieber?

NO

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson?

No

I give up

IT’S YOU, DUM DUM! I want 2 go out on date with u. And folks OK with it. Do u want to?

Yes. Feel a little funny; I’m the guy, I should be asking u, not vise versa

Hey it’s the 21st century. Girls can ask guys.

Willow only prob is I’m low on funds rite now

No prob, I can pay

Or we could make it a cheap date.

What would we do on a cheap date

Short cheap date – take scenic drive to Overlook park and watch sunset while sipping hot choc 2 keep us warm

Ooh sounds nice

Longer cheap date – hike through Mckinney state park to El Capitan, sleep in sleeping bags under the stars. Can’t do that til weather warms up, maybe April.

Oooo sounds romantic!

Sorry I’m not able 2 take u 2 dinner and dancing at Hilton

Bernard I’d b happy sharing a coke in ur car at Sonic as long as it was with u

Really? ☺

Um I like u, if u can’t tell. There I said it.

So Overlook Park next Friday? Pick u up @ 5

I’ll b ready. (EEEEEEEEEE!!!!) (That’s me happy about our DATE!!)

~o~O~o~

Willow sat with Bernard at the Thursday night NA meeting; this one convened in a Jewish synagogue. It was a few minutes until the start.

“I’m looking forward to our date tomorrow night, Willow,” Bern whispered into her left ear.

“Oh Bern, I am too! But tonight? I’m so not looking forward to what I need to do!”

“Hang in there. I’ll be in the room here with you.”

“So will I,” said a just-arrived Julia as she sat down on Willow’s right. “This will be tough; even harder than your 4th step last week. But I know you got this, girl.”

The meeting started with announcements and a Serenity Prayer. A designated speaker talked for twenty minutes, then the floor was opened up for general sharing. Julia prompted Willow with a mild elbow nudge. The girl stayed seated, but spoke up.

“H – hi, I’m Willow. I’m a recovering addict,” she blurted.

“Hello, Willow,” the room replied in unison.

“It’s been two months or so since I used anything – some vodka from my parent’s liquor cabinet. But I haven’t been working the program until 3 weeks ago. I’m a transgender girl; some of you may remember me as Willy the Dude. As Willy, I dealt drugs in the North Montanas area over a year ago. Some of you in this room were my customers. And to you, I say: I am so sorry. I’m sorry for the part I played in getting you or keeping you addicted. I ask your forgiveness, please. If you’d like, I plan on hanging around this room once the meeting is over, and if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, I will.

“It’s really scary trying to live life and handle my emotions without drugs to cool me down. I need to be able to call you guys for support when I need it, and I can’t do it if I haven’t made amends to you.. That’s the step I’m on – number 9, making direct amends. There’s so many in here –” she had to stop and do a quick sob and dab her tears – “so many here I need to do that with, I thought I’d try to get you done in one night.”

Willow stopped talking and wept as quietly as she could, face in her hands.

“Thank you, Willow,” said the meeting’s leader.

“That’s my girl,” whispered Julia, smiling.

~o~O~o~

13-year-old Malachi Eiken was still in bed at 9:45 am this Friday, two days before Christmas. A knock on his door woke him up; Willow stuck her head in.

“Hey, Mal. Momma says get up or William will come here and play Reveille on his old army bugle until you do.”

“Oh! No, no – I’m getting up. I got that treatment once last year. Never again.”

“Well if you’re ready, I’ve got breakfast for you – pancakes and eggs.” Willow entered with a food tray containing the fresh warm offerings. She carried a TV dinner table with her other hand; she set it all up in front of her brother who sat on the side of his bed, incredulous at the actions of his sibling.

Mal was in gym shorts and a holey cotton undershirt, his usual sleepwear. Willow wore a peasant shirt with girl’s embroidered jeans that held her womanly pelvis quite adequately. She sat cross-legged on her brother’s bedroom floor to wait for him to finish his meal.

To his credit, Mal said grace (it took 1.4 seconds) before inhaling the food in his typical teen male athlete fashion. “MMmmm – pancakes. Sooo good. Okay, what’s the catch Willow? Breakfast in bed – I never get that unless I’m sick. You need a favor or something?”

“Yes Mal, a favor. I need you to let me make some amends to you.”

“What the heck is an amend? Did you mean amen? Are we gonna pray or what?”

“No – an amend is when I take something wrong that I did, and try to make it right.”

“Oh …” said Mal, still wondering what was going on. “OH. This is something to do with your drug therapy group, isn’t it? I noticed you and Angie had a talk in her room last night. You guys finally came out, crying but smiling. Ever since you got with that woman Bernard brought over you’ve been, like, all about ‘relationships’. Ugh. You’re not gonna try to get me to cry, right?”

“No,” Willow laughed. “Not unless you really want to!”

“So when did you do something wrong to me? As Willow, you’ve just let me be.”

“Maybe – but as Bill, I did some nasty things. Like slugging you when you teased or bugged me.”

“Come on – that’s just stuff guys do.”

“Not when the slug is so hard that it leaves a fist sized bruise, or puts you in a sling. Remember that one time?”

“Yeah. But Mom and William grounded you, so you paid your dues for it.”

“But I never said I was sorry. Mal – I’m sorry for that.”

“Okay, fine. We done now?”

“Just a minute more, please. I’m also sorry about the air.”

“O-kaayyyy … ?”

“These last few years as Bill I was so rebellious that Momma and Poppa’s focus was on reining me in; they had to spend so much time and energy on me that you and Angie got shortchanged. I kind of sucked all the air out of the room.”

“And it’s the same now that you’re Willow,” Mal added. “Everyone just loves you; you’re the star of the show. William especially is dazzled by your complete turnaround. I’m still pushed to the back of everyone’s attention. But that’s life, I guess.“

“And I’ve just been soaking up that attention and still ignoring you. I’m sorry for that too. I’d like to change that. Maybe we can spend more time together?”

“It’s a little late for that, ain’t it? It would have been so cool to hang with my older brother. Now he wants to spend time with me, except he’s become a girl. I’m not into shopping or fashion or chick flicks, and you suddenly are.”

Willow looked at the floor and shook her head. “I can’t remember a time that I was ever a good brother to you. I’ve been so selfish, so focused on me, me, me; if – “

“Third grade. When I was in third grade and you were in fifth, at Hoyt Elementary. Some of the other fifth graders – led by that jerk Freddie Janeway – were punching and kicking me in the corner of the yard during recess. You broke in, slugged Freddie in the gut, and stood in front of me like a shield. I still remember how pale those guy’s faces got when you described what you’d do to them if they ever touched me again. That day you were an awesome brother. I’ll never forget it.”

“Huh. I do remember that, now. I’m afraid I couldn’t be as intimidating these days.”

“I’d be open to doing things with you, Willow – if we just had more in common.”

“Do you still like cars? I haven’t put together my Dodge Viper model yet; nor my Godzilla.”

Mal’s eyes grew wide. “Dude – you never let me help you put a kit together before!”

Willow smiled for the first time in the conversation. “How about we do that, tonight or tomorrow morning?”

“Consider it a done deal, bro! Er … sis!”

~o~O~o~

Christmas day this year had been the most drama-free yule the Eikens had seen in a while. Presents were opened, songs were sung, and feasts were eaten. Willow even allowed herself a small slice of her mother’s chess pie; it was made from scratch only once a year, so indulging could be forgiven.

Instead of clothes, Angie got a hefty gift card to Macy’s and a golden retriever puppy, something she’d requested for the last year. Mal got the latest Nike Air rides and a package of new cotton undershirts with a plea from his Mom to throw away his old holey ones. Willow got Dillard’s gift card, and a fine gold chain with a sweetheart pendant. “For your date tomorrow,” her Momma whispered in her ear.

“So this is what Christmas feels like. I can’t believe I spent the last 3 locked in my room, sulking and jamming on the guitar all day,” Willow sighed. “At least I’m enjoying my family this time.”

~o~O~o~

December 26, 4:55 pm

The gate to the Eiken estate opened, and an old El Camino drove through it and onto the grounds. It pulled up to the front of the mansion and stopped. A tall boy with a brown mop of hair got out, leaving the car running so the interior stayed heated. He wore jeans, his least worn pair of sneakers, a ribbed pullover sweater and a jacket on top of that; it was chilly out tonight.

Before he could ring the bell, the door opened. William Eiken stood blocking the entrance, arms folded and scowl-faced. “Hello Bernard. Willow’s almost ready; she’s in the kitchen. Now, you do remember our phone conversation earlier?”

“Yes sir. I promise you I’ll abide by your wishes.”

William smiled big. “Come on in then, young man.” He then spoke into the intercom: “Willow, he’s here.”

Willow came around the corner into the entryway where the two males stood. She was snugly covered head to foot in black wool, with a sweater top, a loose midiskirt with leggings and go-go boots. A wide patent leather belt crossed her midsection; a chunky wool beanie with a cute pompom on top and thick winter coat ensured she wouldn’t get chilled. She carried two insulated mugs.

“I’ve got our hot chocolate,” she beamed with a million watt smile.

“Uhh, wow. WOW. Willow, you’re gorgeous.”

“Thanks,” she blushed. “You’re really handsome tonight.”

“Have her home by 10, please,” remarked Willow’s Poppa. “Stay out of trouble.”

“Yes sir, Robocop Pop,” Willow laughed as they trotted to the Camino.

~o~O~o~

Overlook park was not as crowded as it usually would have been due to the cold front that blew in last night; but Bernard still had to do a little searching for a good parking spot with a view. Once he found it, he parked the car and turned off the engine; both he and Willow were pretty toasty warm at the present.

“I’m going to take this coat off, if it’s OK with you,” Willow said as she slid out of it.

“I’m taking mine off too,” said Bernard. “But now I’ve got a problem: an emptiness between my right arm and my chest. Can you help with that?”

“Yeah, I can,” she whispered as she slid across the bench seat and nestled next to him.

Bernard squeezed her around her shoulders. “You sure have become comfortable being a chick, even to where you’re snuggling with a dude. For someone who was, like, an uber-alpha male just a few months ago. When did you start liking guys?”

“Like I told my sister, I’m not really guy-crazy, except over one guy. I started dreaming about kissing you a few weeks after I started the hormones. I already appreciated your faithfulness as a good bud; the attraction just started to morph into where I kinda thought you were … um … really hot.” She blushed with that.

“Maybe it’s because when I decided to become Willow, I committed to the role as full as I could. Like jumping head first into a feminine river. I didn’t expect for the current to be so strong; it’s taking me downstream with it, and I’ve found I’m loving the ride.”

They watched the sunset over the cities of El Paso, Texas, and Juarez, Mexico. As the light in the sky turned from yellow to orange to red, the city lights began flickering on. Finally, the sky was dark except for a lingering blue where the sun had last been, and the many urban lights gave the impression of a huge, flat Christmas tree as they hugged to the valley.

“This is so amazingly pretty,” breathed Willow in between sips of her cocoa. “I can’t believe I’ve lived here all my life and am just seeing this for the first time.”

“A vista bonita for a chica bonita,” Bernard said. “The most beautiful thing here is sitting right next to me.”

She craned her neck up to look in his eyes. “You really mean that?”

“With all my heart, girl.” He looked down at her. Then his eyelids started to droop as his face approached hers.

Willow’s heart palpitated wildly as she realized her first kiss as a girl was seconds away. She held her breath, not wanting to interrupt the moment. His lips touched hers, and her whole world exploded.

Their tongues mingled, then their lips pulled apart for a split second before meeting again with more ardor. The kiss grew in desperation and intensity, as their mouths wrestled, each searching for more and more release.

Finally, the buss ended. “Hooo –eee, “ Bernard exclaimed. “That’s the hottest kiss I’ve ever had – and I’ve had my share.”

“I loved it!” exulted Willow. “I love you! – Oh, wait. Omigod! I – I didn’t mean - ”

Except for breathing, there was dead silence for a second. Willow’s mind twisted in agony. Oh no, nononono! Stupid, stupid! I’ve ruined it – the date, my love, my life! I said it too soon, he’ll be scared away, why o why did I -

Then Bernard spoke.

“It’s okay, Willow. I love you too.”

Willow resumed the kiss with desperation. They hugged and smooched; she pulled her body as close to his as their clothes would allow. Both their hands started roaming the outside of each other’s clothes; their torsos were rubbed and squeezed. Bernie’s hands migrated downward a number of times toward’s Willow’s butt, but rose up to her back as quickly as they’d descended. Willow’s hands rubbed Bernard’s back and chest mainly. Then her right hand carefully, slowly descended to his groin; it carefully felt the outline of his crotch outside of his jeans without grabbing or squeezing.

“Willow,” gasped Bernard.

“Sorry! Sorry, I just … I just wanted to see if I was getting you … you know!”

“You absolutely were. But unless you want to go a lot further you’d better stop,” Bernard said with heaving breaths.

“I do. I do want to go a lot further. I want to go all the way, dammit!” Willow cursed. “But Momma had a long talk with me earlier today, and I promised her I wouldn’t go too far. And if I break my promise, I set myself up for emotional screw-ups later.”

“Same here. Your dad called me on the phone earlier today, and extracted the same promise out of me that your mom did with you.”

“Why do they have to be such prudes? It’s almost the mid-21st century!”

“Willow, I think they’re trying to keep all your feelings with an even keel. I think they want the best for you.”

“Bernard … did you want to go further?”

“Well, yeah. You felt my hard on, right?”

“What if we went all the way and just didn’t tell them?” Willow whispered in his ear.

Bernard squinted at Willow. “You don’t have a vag. What do you consider all the way?”

“Hmm. I guess, one of us – or both of us – coming, in some way? Or part of your body inside part of mine? I don’t know – but I know right now we’re nowhere near all the way, whatever it is.”

“Well, we’re not doing that, Willow. Your dad, among other things, reminded me of the statutory rape laws in Texas. I’m 17, you’re 15; If I sleep with you, or the equivalent thereof, I could go to jail. Even if you promise to keep it secret, I can’t risk that.”

“OMG, you’re kidding! He threatened that? Well I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to get seriously ticked off at my folks.”

“Willow. Don’t joke about anger. They’re doing it because they love you, whether we agree with them or not.”

“I know, I know. You’re right, as usual,” she sighed. “How much more could we do without it being sex?”

“Hmm,” thought Bern. “If we didn’t take any clothes off, and didn’t touch each other’s crotches or tits with our hands …”

“Or mouths,” Willow added.

“Then – we could get a little friskier, without calling it sex. Want to try?”

Both of them resumed kissing, barely coming up for air. Willow had an idea, and broke the kiss.

“Scoot over to the middle of the bench seat,” Willow whispered with urgency. After Bernard did so, she pulled her right leg over and straddled his lap facing him. She wriggled her hips to settle in fully onto her new setting. “Now, where were we…?”

The smooching returned to it’s previous fervency. It was accompanied by a pelvic grinding, with both boy and girl pushing and rubbing with equal participation. Bernard’s hands roamed all over Willow’s wool coverings; they eventually dropped down to her buttocks, and he felt the outline of her thighs, her butt, her waist. He gasped in amazement.

“Baby! Your ass – how – when – “

“You like? No pads, no implants. It’s all me. And it’s all yours.”

Bernard moaned as the grinding resumed – he realized he was moments from coming into his pants. Willow sensed it too, and she began to almost bounce up and down as her groin rubbed into his. Though she wasn’t getting hard, she was definitely getting aroused.

“oh god oh god oh OOOUUUNNGGHH!” Bernard finally groaned.

Willow was satisfied at pleasing her lover even as she felt a little frustrated at not being able to share a climax. But before she could utter a remark, Bernard’s mouth went to her neck and started kissing, licking and sucking. “OOOoooh!” Willow said with a shiver of ecstasy; she could feel her nipples hardening. She started massaging them through her sweater and bra, using her fingertips.

Willow was intoxicated with these new sensations coming from her chest and neck. Bern’s hands, meanwhile, grabbed her rear and pulled it towards him to resume the grinding in earnest.

Now the girl was the one being heavily stimulated, and she shook and rocked with her lover. She’d never had an orgasm without an erection, and was unsure about what this building feeling inside of her was. She didn’t wonder for long.

“**pant, pant** Hhuuuhh, oohh … hah …**gasp, gasp, GASPGASP** ohh ffffaaAA ..HAHhh!”

Both teens didn’t move for a long minute; all that could be heard was the gradual slowing of heavy breathing. Gradually, words came.

“Willow. Oh girl, you’re great. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I think I’m pregnant.”

“Hahaha. Good one.”

“Oh god, I want a vagina so bad right now! A vagina and a hotel room with you.”

“Don’t worry, baby. One day. One day soon.”

Willow arched back to look him in the eye. “You mean one day I’ll have a vagina? Or one day I’ll be with you in a hotel room? Or … both?”

“Who knows, Willow? Maybe. To both. I wouldn’t mind having both.”

She leaned forward into him, laying her head on his shoulder. “I wouldn’t mind it either.”

“Not much of a view anymore.”

Willow looked. All of the Camino’s windows were steamed up fully.

Suddenly there was a tap at the driver’s side window. Red and blue flashing lights were glowing through the steam on the glass.

“Move along, please,” came a muffled voice outside the car, “or we’ll ticket you.”

~o~O~o~

To be continued tomorrow.

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