I was suddenly aware that I had company. "Hey not bad for a girl!" said a male voice. I turned to see a boy of about my own age, if slightly taller, smiling at me. "What do you mean not bad for girl?" I responded, slightly irritated by the comment," I'd say not bad for anyone." The Price To Pay - Vol. 2.08 - Bras! by Alys

For about the hundredth time I rearranged the shoulder strap of my bra under my t-shirt. I just hated having to wear one and dreaded the time when my boobs had properly developed and I would probably need support all the time.

It was a hot morning and I was grateful for the cooling sea breeze in my face. From my seat on the edge of the beach I watched as the first weekend tourists began to splash about in the water. I was glad that our schedule meant I wouldn't be joining them, I'd had enough of bikinis after our previous misadventures.

My phone buzzed, I took it out of my skirt pocket and flicked it open to read the message.

"Want 2 cycle 2day?"

I sighed at my missed opportunity and sent a reply to Siá´n.

"Sorry in Aber with family all day"

"OK, have fun"

I yawned and cursed my sister for wanting to come to Aberystwyth for the university open day. I hadn't been amused at being dragged out of bed at some obscenely early time. I wondered sometimes if my parents had ever been teenagers, didn't they know that being forced from your sleep before ten in the morning was classified as inhumane and cruel treatment by the UN?

The only positive part of the the almost three hour journey, from our home to west Wales, had been avoiding the worst excesses of my Mother's girly training. She had found herself without allies in the house when Taran appeared in her concession to normality of skirt, t-shirt, leggings and minimal makeup. Even she was not stupid enough to think university professors were in favour of positive discrimination for goths.

I smiled as I thought how my Mother had still tried to persuade me of the virtues of yet another summer dress but in the end she had had to accept my argument for equal treatment with my sister and my father's supportive if rather confusing comment.

"Haf, we have to be consistent," he had said firmly, after listening to ten minutes of ding dong between me and my Mum," it's not fair to treat Celyn any different to his, sorry her, sister."

Hearing my father's confusion with gender pronouns, for the nth time since my transition, had made me wonder whom of my parents had the greater problems dealing with the situation.

I decided that sitting down for the next hour or so, while the others were in the main university hall listening to the introduction to the visit, was going to be a bit boring. I slipped off my sandals and walked towards the water.

As I took my time, pressing one foot after another into the warm sand, I thought back to Thursday night when my Dad had heard me screaming down the phone at my stalker. I had made a feeble excuse of being annoyed with something not working properly on my mobile in response to his enquiry.

He had looked at me doubtfully before responding," You're sure there's nothing wrong, son?"

"Yes, Dad, everything's fine," I had replied.

"OK Celyn, goodnight then," he had said before leaving my room.

I had looked at myself in my mirror before undressing. I had been puzzled by his use of the term 'son' and wondered how he could still me as male in my pink low cut dress, push up bra showing my boobs and makeup.

The next day in school had gone fine and I was beginning to enjoy the routine of seeing my friends daily and doing the school work. The only difficulties had been using the loo, luckily still not completely vandalised, and having to give a medical note to the games teachers to get out of sport. I knew that my faux penis would not pass any close scrutiny so there was no way I could use the male changing room. I had also received an unexpectedly apologetic message from my stalker. I opened my phone to reread it.

"Celyn, I am really sorry for upsetting you. I want to help. Don't worry I won't tell anyone your secret."

"Who are you?" I had replied but there had been no response so far.

I put my phone back in my pocket and picked up a stone to threw into the water, it flew a satisfying distance before splashing in the sea.

I decided that I quite liked my Father still seeing some maleness in me even when I was dressed as a girl. It seemed that calling myself a 'boy trapped in a girl's body' was an accurate description of how I felt sometimes.

I picked up another stone and threw it harder as I remembered with a little anger the consultant saying that my transition was irreversible. There was no way that I could ever be given male hormones as it would certainly lead to a recurrence of my cancer.

I noticed a flat stone and picked it up. There was something about it that resembled a jigsaw piece. My mind flashed to my friend Heulwen, from the hospice. I had promised her, before she died, I would make the best of the rest of my life even if it meant being a girl.

I practiced my throw a few times and then crouching down a little I prepared to launch my pebble.

"Hope you're watching Heulwen, let me show you even girls can skim stones." I said quietly to myself before executing my throw parallel to the ground.

I cursed when my first attempt was unsuccessful as my throwing arm's movement was interrupted by my padded bra, causing me to release my projectile to arc up rather than across the water and giving me a sharp pain as my breast tissue was compressed rapidly.

I reached with my other hand to gently massage my sensitive boob as I searched for another flat stone. After a few seconds I found another suitable one. I spent a little while practising a slightly altered stance to accommodate my protruding chest. Once I was sure of my throwing action I gave it another go.

The smack of the impact some metres in the water was a satisfying sound and was followed by ten others of decreasing volume as my stone successfully skimmed across the surface.

I was jubilant. I rarely achieved such a positive result. I looked around for another suitable projectile.

I was suddenly aware that I had company.

"Hey not bad for a girl!" said a male voice.

I turned to see a boy of about my own age, if slightly taller, smiling at me.

"What do you mean not bad for girl?" I responded, slightly irritated by the comment," I'd say not bad for anyone."

"Hey, I was only joking," he responded," but I bet I can do better."

"OK, then, what about best of three?" I suggested.

"You're on, do you want to go first?" he asked.

"No, it's your go now, I've already had my first go and you have to beat eleven bounces," I responded a little smugly.

He laughed at my tactics and picked up a stone to try his luck.

"What's your name? I'm Alfonso," he said as he practised his throw.

"That's an unusual name, I'm Celyn," I replied.

"Yes, I'm from Spain, my Dad works in the university," he explained before launching his first stone.

It hit the water and we started counting in unison, "two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight......"

"I win! Loser goes first, by the way what does the winner get?" I asked.

"Dunno," he responded as he looked around for another stone," what about loser buys the ice-creams?"

"You're on," I replied as I also sought a suitable missile.

We threw for a second time and this time his nine bounces beat my six as I threw too hard without the right rhythm.. I took a little more care in finding a suitable stone for my final throw. I measured it carefully and launched it with as smooth an action as possible.

It bounced across the surface of the water a satisfying ten times.

Alfonso arched back and threw his stone with a rapid jerk of his arm that was strength and gracefulness combined. There was something peculiarly attractive about how he moved his body. I shook my head to banish these strange alien thoughts and concentrated on the missile.

It easily made eight little splashes and it looked like he was going to be an easy winner. Then it was caught in a little wave, which robbed it of most of its momentum, and plopped into the water.

"I wi...oh no it's a draw," I said as his stone seemed to grasp a little extra energy from somewhere and jump a few centimetres out of the water for a final, despairing splash.

"No, I won," responded Alfonso, laughing," I got more bounces than you overall."

"Yes, but I got the highest score," I argued, smiling at his infectious good humour," so I won."

"OK, let's call it evens then," he said," anyway I'll get the ice-creams."

"Why?" I asked, a bit puzzled by this turn of events," we should buy our own, it's a draw."

"No, it's OK, I'm a boy, I should do it," he stated before walking over to the nearby kiosk.

I stood and watched him pass his money over to the vendor and wondered at the strangeness of the experience. If Alsonso had seen me as a boy then he wouldn't have considered such an action. It was the first time a boy had responded to me in such a way and it was weird in its newness.

We sat on some rocks near the water as we enjoyed our desserts. I suddenly noticed that he had stopped eating his and was looking at me.

"You're very pretty, Celyn," he said in a strange voice," do you have a boyfriend?"

I stopped licking my ice-cream in shock and stared at my companion.

"What did you say?" I asked, feeling bewildered.

"I wondered whether you had a boyfriend," he repeated," you do don't you?"

"Nope and am not interested," I said with conviction.

"Oh, I'm surprised," he said.

There was silence between us after that conversation. We had soon finished and washed our hands in a small rock-pool. I looked at my watch and realised that my family would be returning soon and I would have to join them for the trip around the campus.

"Are you a lesbian?" Alfonso suddenly asked.

"What!" I exclaimed.

"Well you said that you didn't like boys so I wondered if you preferred girls," he explained.

Fortunately I was saved further bizarre conversations with strange boys with the arrival of my family. I thanked Alfonso for the ice-cream and bade him farewell.

As I walked across the beach to where Mum, Dad and Taran were standing, I pondered the advantages and disadvantages of being a girl in the company of a boy. On the one hand I got bought something nice on the other I had to endure embarrassing questions about my sexuality.

As I reached my family I absent-mindedly scratched where the band of my bra had been irritating me.

"Something wrong Celyn?" asked my Mother.

"Nothing really just my bra is a little uncomfortable and........" I started to explain and then wished I had kept quiet about my mild discomfort.

Her eyes lit up and a strange expression appeared on her face.

"No problem, dear, I saw a nice lingerie shop round the corner," she said triumphantly," lets go and get you some nice underwear."

As I followed my Mother I wondered if walking the plank felt worse.