I wrote this over ten years ago. It was essentially finished, but I somehow never considered it ready for posting. Or, at least, it had gone as far as I was inspired to take it. It kinda begs for a sequel, but it's fine as it is.

It's big. It took some time to edit. Especially since I needed to change the dates so that it wouldn't be so... well... dated.

Much thanks to Terry Volkirch for test reading it way back when. She might even remember the story.

One fine day, Joe wakes up and finds that his whole life has been turned upside-down.

Day 24;
Saturday, April 24, 2021:

Jan had a long shift today. So, after the chores were done, I took my brothers, I mean my kids out to the lake for some fishing. I still can't drive a car, so I took the ute. That was just part of the adventure.

Everyone did well, and we kept some of the bigger ones. I implemented the "you catch, you clean" rule. That rule goes for everyone but the cook (me), of course. The cook gets to follow the "you clean, I cook" rule. hee hee. I think we'll go launch rockets in the hay field some time before it starts getting tall. I hate having to search for rockets in the tall grass.

Day 25;
Sunday, April 25, 2021:

Somehow, going to church settles my spirit. We went early so that we could attend Sunday school. The kids went to their separate classes, but I opted to stay with Jan. I heard Jan quietly explaining that the big change in my life life is making me cling to her. It's the truth, of course, except that everyone assumes that the change that Jan is talking about is the death of Tiffany's parents.

This week, I decided to try singing. I was too shy to open my mouth last week, and I had no idea how it would come out. During the week, I sang along with some CDs to get the hang of all the little things like breath control, matching pitch, inflection, and the like.

As it turns out, I have better than three octaves of full-voice range, and a smooth, sweet voice (if I do say so myself). By the end of the worship service, I was really enjoying myself. I was invited to the teen group, but I declined. Jan tried to talk me into it, but I really don't want to do a bunch of teen stuff.

Day 26;
Monday April 26, 2021:

I have another date with Jan today. We have been doing that a lot.

Married couples are supposed to be best friends, too. The business of raising children is serious and rewarding, but we also need time to just be best friends. We need to laugh and have fun together. All too many married couples never get around to doing that. Now, we are doing things together and having fun without any expectations of what is going to happen once we get home and go to bed. That's disappointing, of course, because the physical relationship is such an integral part of the marriage. On the other hand, it is kind of liberating because it removes some of the pressure that one partner or the other might feel. It would not be a good thing long-term, of course.

I did my chores a bit early so that I could get some work done before our noon date. Then, I sat behind the computer and wrote up yet another vacation story for Great Lakes RV Rental. They tend to go quickly, so I was done in plenty of time to freshen up and change into something nice.

Jan got me yet another cute outfit. I'm actually beginning to enjoy the attention. OK, I'll admit it. I'm beginning to enjoy the nice clothes, too. This one looks like a little farmer girl dress. I don't know how else to put it. I put it on and dutifully modeled it for Jan. She took pictures.

Just as we were about to leave, Jan realized that nobody had collected eggs since early this morning. She handed me an Easter basket and asked me to go get the eggs. I went out there, called the chickens, and tossed some scratch grain on the ground for them. A couple of them let me reach down and pet them while they were eating. Most of the hens, even the ones that don't want to be petted, will also eat out of my hand. The roosters always run away, though; macho little guys that they are. They make that funny falsetto clucking noise to call their hens, and pick up the grain and drop it to show them where the treats are. you would think that they were the ones providing the food.

But I wasn't there to play with the chickens. I went in to the hen house and started filling the basket with eggs that are various shades of brown, white, blue, green, and olive. It was then that I noticed that Jan was taping the whole thing. I was tempted to ham it up and start skipping away with the egg basket, but that would be overdoing it just a bit. Instead, I picked up a hen and petted her. I had to be careful to keep her four-toed bird foot from soiling my dress.

Day 27;
Tuesday, April 27, 2021:

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. The kids had made a mess out of their rooms. They appreciate it when we clean their rooms, but they don't lift a finger to keep it that way. Trying to get them to help is like pulling teeth. They always whine and complain and don't actually get anything done. Then, they get it messy again the next day. And do they ever think to take care of their own clothes? No! They root through their clothes and get perfectly good clean clothes all over the floor. Then they complain that they don't have anything to wear!

I was fuming when I heard the guineas start to squawk up a storm. Stupid birds! They'll squawk if a leaf is blowing the wrong way! Then I heard the chickens alarming. I looked out and saw a coyote trying to sneak up on my hens.

Without thinking, I grabbed my favorite 7 mm hunting rifle. I slammed a magazine in place and released the bolt all in one smooth motion. I lifted it to my shoulder. Stupid cumbersome gun! I should be used to this by now. No time to fuss over it. I laid a bead on the coyote and pulled the trigger. The recoil knocked me on my can. And to top it off, I missed the stinking coyote! I managed to scare him off, though. If he knows what's good for him, he won't be back. The way I feel now, I'll go out there and tear him to pieces with my bare hands.

Of course, Jan just had to come home just in time to watch me pull the trigger, fall on my butt, and curse vilely. "WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?"

She choked back a giggle. "Now, now... such language for a lady."

Grrrrrrr!

I looked over at the pen that we use for mother hens and chicks, for growing incubator-hatched chicks, and for fattening up birds that are destined for the freezer. "All right, who has been climbing the fence to the grow pen?"

It went along in that vein for the rest of the day. I was collecting eggs and dropped one. The horse knocked over her grain bucket. The goats wanted to have a butting match when I was feeding them. "I'm the herd queen, and there will be no fighting when I'm present!" I gave the perpetrator a good shove in the shoulder. This is pretty much standard practice for asserting your dominance over a goat, but I took more pleasure in it this time.

Meanwhile, Jan gathered up the boys and spirited them off to someplace safe from the rampaging bear. I guess they spent some of that 'quality time', or something like that.

Man, what a day! Maybe a nice, warm bath will help me feel better.

I had just finished dressing in some comfy pajamas when Jan came in. She looked at me and said "So, what have you been PMSing about?"

"PMSing? I'm not PMSing! Didn't you see what those boys have been doing? They made a huge mess. They refused to help clean up. They wouldn't eat what I cooked for them. They complain that they have nothing to wear, when there are perfectly clean clothes in the laundry room and scattered all over their bedroom floors. They knocked down the fence on the grow pen. They..."

"Oh no! Oh dear Lord no!"

I looked up at her with tears in my eyes. She held me tight as I bawled my eyes out.

Day 28;
Wednesday, April 28, 2021:

As soon as I woke up, I really had to go to the bathroom. I had a bad case of the cramps, like I had to get rid of some caustic diarrhea. I pushed but nothing came. I got up and there was blood in the toilet. Ick! I took a long hot shower. It made me feel a little better. Cleaner, anyhow. But, the cramps were still there. This sucks!

It's been almost a month since I had the shock of my life. Now, I get another shock. Can I have my old body back? Please?

I didn't think so.

I went over to my dresser to dig for those things that I had buried deep just a couple weeks ago. They were now on top. Bless Jan and her foresight.

Day 29;
Thursday, April 29, 2021:

OK, so can someone please come over her and please shoot me? I think Jan changed the combination to the safe where I keep my Glock.

Do women really have to put up with this crap every month? I was moaning and complaining when Jan came up and introduced me to the wonders of ibuprofen. I think I'll keep a large economy size bottle in my drawer, and an emergency stash in my purse.

Day 33;
Monday, May 3, 2021:

The bloating is gone, the cramps are long gone, and I feel much better. There is still a little spotting, but I can live with that. I sure don't want to go through that again!

Jan assures me that I will, of course. Meanwhile, we have to go shopping and get another supply of those... diaper things.

Day 39;
Sunday, May 9, 2021:

Happy birthday to John!

My oldest son is thirteen years old now. We invited a couple of his friends over for dinner and had cake and ice cream for desert. None of his friends suspected that they were eating goat milk ice cream. They just knew that it is home made.

We had been telling John that he can babysit as soon as he turns thirteen. Twelve is generally considered to be an appropriate age for babysitting, but John has always lagged behind on his emotional maturity. He seems to have really matured in the last month, though.

Today, I let him know that he is officially on duty if we don't happen to be home when everyone gets off of the bus. It'll be nice to not have to hurry home if we happen to be running late. John will enjoy the extra cash, too.

Day 40;
Monday, May 10, 2021:

Time to get dressed for another day. I'm sore in a few um... tender areas. I walked to the full-length mirror and examined myself critically.

Yep, no doubt about it. I'm not as bony as I was a month ago. I'm seeing some curves at the hip, and It looks like I'll be needing something better than that training bra soon enough. I really have mixed feelings about this.

But I have to embrace the new me.

And anyhow, the training bra will keep those tender areas from getting chafed.

But I'm not the only one who is changing. As promised, everyone in the family is doing better. The kids are no longer wheezing and sneezing. John has actually become quite tender and compassionate. His outbursts have pretty much ceased.

And Jan -- she is looking great! She, too, is no longer getting sick or wheezy. She is losing the belly that she had earned by giving birth to three boys. Her skin is getting smoother, and the bristles of hair that she has here and there are not coming back after being plucked. While there is no physical reaction, the part of me that is still Joe is becoming very turned on.

Day 44;
Friday, May 14, 2021:

Jan and I decided to make a run over to the feed store about two counties over. They are selling chicks, ducklings, goslings, and even some pea chicks. I have always wanted to have some peacocks and pea hens, but Jan claims that they are too noisy. She's right, but I don't care. They're beautiful birds, and well worth the noise.

The big Jeep hasn't been used for over a month, so I talked Jan into taking it. It's my baby, and she isn't all that fond of driving it. I love the old luxurious Grand Wagoneer with its leather seats and V-8 engine, but Jan is more into the little sporty things.

We were following two cars; a coupe and a sedan, when we saw a logging truck come up over the rise about half a mile away. As usual for logging trucks, it was going faster than any sane person thought such a heavy truck should go. We saw a cloud of dust erupt from the right front wheel. The truck jerked, straightened a bit, turned in the opposite direction, and jackknifed.

Jan slammed on the brakes. I yelled "Dive for the field!" She did, and barely missed the other two cars. The Jeep spun out, but rapidly lost speed in the soft dirt. I prayed that it would remain upright. With nothing to hit in the field, the Jeep came out of the spin without any damage at all.

The sedan wasn't as successful as we were. It clipped the back end of the truck, spun a couple times, and came to rest in the field. The coupe spun out, rolled, bounced high, landed on its top, and rolled back on to its wheels. The car that was following us came to a stop well behind the conflagration.

Jan grabbed her badge and emergency kit and ran to the coupe. I grabbed the fire extinguisher and crow bar and did the same thing. The man and woman that were driving behind us ran to the coupe. The woman was yelling into her cell phone and running at the same time.

The door was stuck -- totally jammed. I suggested to Jan that she go to the sedan, rather than wait for us to break into the coupe. I studied the car carefully. There was smoke coming out from under the hood. The metal was mangled by the hinge edge of the door. There was no intact glass in the car at all. The window frame for the door was bent out, and actually went higher than the collapsed roof.

Car doors are designed to take a lot of punishment and protect the passengers. Generally, they are made in three layers. The hinges, latch, window crank, and everything else is attached to a thick stamped metal frame with large holes cut through it for weight reduction and access to all the mechanisms. The outside layer is thin sheet metal, and the inside layer is little more than cardboard with a plastic coating.

I grabbed the crow bar and jabbed it just above and forward of the handle. My Joe body would have been able to jab the sharp end clean through the thin sheet metal, but I barely made a dent.

The woman in the car was screaming and sobbing. The pre-teen girl next to her was slumped forward.

I turned to the confused man and said, "We need a hole right there so that we can pull this door off with the Jeep." I handed him the crow bar and ran to the Jeep. I pulled the Jeep up to within twenty feet of the car and ran up to the winch. I pulled the lever so that it would free-wheel, grabbed the cable, and ran to the car with it. There was a large puddle of gasoline under the car, and the fumes were unbelievable. This car could blow at any time.

The man had succeeded in putting a nice-sized hole in the sheet metal, and another through the inner door liner.

I used my small hand to feed the cable through the holes and up around the window frame. I pulled it through and hooked the shackle around the cable. I ran to the winch and flipped the free wheel lever. No time to do this nicely. That car can blow at any second.

The guy who had put the hole through the door had the presence of mind to blast the fire extinguisher under the hood. It didn't seem to make any difference, but it certainly can't hurt.

I put the Jeep into low range, popped it into reverse, and slowly backed up to take up the slack. Once the cable was tight, I gave it the gun. The engine strained, the cable tightened, and there was a loud bang as the door broke loose and almost hit the front of the Jeep. I backed the Jeep about a hundred feet into the field, turned it off, and ran to coupe.

I could see that Jan, with the assistance of someone who looked familiar, was working on someone by the sedan. The man and woman who were in the car behind us were already pulling the people out of the car. The pre-teen girl looked shaken, but otherwise OK. The mother was bleeding from her arms and hands, and her legs looked broken. She was screaming "My baby! My baby!"

"Where's your baby?", I asked.

"In the back seat!"

Oh crap.

I crawled into the coupe, which was reeking of raw gasoline. I prayed really hard not just for the baby, but for myself. If this thing blows, I'm toast. Literally. The roof was bent almost down to the seats. There was really no room to crawl between them. There was just a small triangle of space between the tops of he seats and the severely crushed roof.

But then, I'm not all that big, either.

I put my hands through the triangular hole, poked my head through, and was stuck. I could see the baby seat, and I heard crying. I grabbed the seat belt that held the baby seat and pulled myself through. I felt the tortured metal of the roof bite into my flesh. There was no help for it -- my skirt was ruined.

Another good heave, and I was in the back seat with the baby. I unbuckled him and passed him through the hole to the waiting arms of a woman. I was getting light-headed from all the fumes. I was about to pass out.

I put my hands, then my head through the hole. There was nothing to grab and pull myself through. Just as I was getting stuck, a pair of strong hands grabbed my arms and gently but firmly pulled.. I slid through a foot or so, which gave him room to grab me under the arms. I thought he was going to pull me in two, but my hips finally made it past the tight spot. I was almost crying from the pain of getting the skin scraped off of my butt, but now I was safe in his arms. I looked up into the face of a county sheriff. He smiled at me, and carried me with one arm under my upper back and the other arm under my thighs. He gently laid me on a blanket in the field, right next to the woman and her baby.

The dizziness was starting to fade. I could taste the gasoline vapors in the air that I breathed out. I knew that my bloodstream and the mucus lining of my lungs must contain quite a bit of that noxious stuff. I started to get up. "Is everyone safe?"

The woman who had been helping Jan gently pushed me back down and told me that everyone was fine. "Hi Joan. Nice to see you," I said. I recognized her from church, and from some of the hospital employee get-togethers.

"I'm so proud of you, honey! You saved that baby's life."

"I seem to recall a pair of hands that look a lot like yours receiving that child," I said.

FWOOM!

The coupe burst into flame, sending a blast of hot air our way.

By this time, the police had flares and warning triangles set out, blocking traffic. The sirens that I heard in the distance resolved themselves into a fire truck, which went straight to the coupe. The firemen hopped out and immediately started spraying it down with foam.

Suddenly, three ambulances appeared. The cops directed the first one over to where Jan was tending to the teen-ager. The EMTs put the patient on a stretcher, and escorted Jan and the boy's mother into the back. It took off with sirens blaring. The mother and baby were shuffled into the second ambulance, and the pre-teen went in the third. That left the emergency personnel, the local people that came out of their houses to help (including Joan), the father from the sedan (who introduced himself as Jack), and me.

One of the sheriffs came over and told me that Jan had to go with the patient, and offered me a ride to the hospital. I asked if someone could drive me in the Jeep. Jack was only too happy to comply, and busied himself with the winch. Joan and the sheriff escorted me to the Jeep just as he got the cable wound up and secured. As we drove away, a wrecker arrived. We passed two more on our way to the hospital.

A bunch of flashes went off when we walked into the emergency room. A nurse was waiting to take Jack back to his family. I could tell by her smile that the boy was going to be OK.

Jan said, "Come on, missy. It's time to get you checked out and cleaned up."

"Not in that order, I hope," I replied.

She smiled and took me to one of the patient bathrooms that had a shower. I stripped down and dropped my clothes into a plastic bag. They reeked of gasoline. After I got out of the shower, Jan met me with a hospital gown. I told her that it just isn't my color.

They had to draw blood, of course. I think there is a rule that anyone who goes into the emergency room has to get poked.

Jan treated the lacerations on my tushie, and looked at the lab results. There was no trace of hydrocarbons in my blood. I guess this new body of mine is good at taking care of itself.

I put on hospital slippers and some slightly oversize sweats that Jan had managed to procure, and we walked out. We were both shocked by the sound of applause. A local television reporter stuck a microphone in our faces and started to ask questions. Jan pointed to me and said "This is the hero. She figured out how to pull the door off that car, and then risked her life to save that baby. Without her, everyone would have died in the fire. All I did was my job."

I blushed and said that I just did what I had to do, and that I had plenty of help.

The mother that I had helped to rescue came out in a wheelchair. "You saved my baby! How can I ever repay you?" I gave her a hug and told her that it was my pleasure.

I fawned over the baby, and gave his big sister (the pre-teen) a hug. "Just love these kids and pray over them every night, and I'll consider myself to be more than paid back." She had a confused expression on her face. "May I?", I asked. She nodded. I prayed over the baby boy and his big sister, one at a time. "I... My foster parents pray over all of us like that every night. It makes us feel loved and secure." She looked thoughtful, then smiled and nodded.

She looked at the remains of my skirt and offered to get me a new one. I declined, saying that I was outgrowing it, anyhow. Jan rolled her eyes. "What kind of a teenie-bopper girl refuses free clothes?

"I'm not a typical teen-ager," I told her with a smirk. She just shook her head.

On the way home, it occurred to me that I had ministered to that woman in a way that I could not have done as Joe. As a young and non-threatening girl, I was able to deliver a message of love without looking preachy.

* * * * *
Interlude

Vrall and Snrxl watched the scene unfold. Vrall asked. "How did you engineer this little test without taking some very real chances?

"I didn't engineer a thing," said Snrxl. "This was as much of a surprise to me as it was to you. All I could do was set up a heat damper field just in case that car decided to blow before Tiffany and the baby were out of there."

Vrall thought about that for a while. "Well, however it happened, it appears that that little accident has given young Tiffany a good dose of self-confidence. She's doing very well."

Day 45;
Saturday, May 15, 2021:

Up and down, up and down. Yesterday, I felt so good after seeing two families come out of a potentially disastrous situation with little more than a scratch. I have to admit that the news coverage stroked my ego quite a bit. One of Joan's kids had videoed the whole thing with her smartphone, and the local news station ran a lot of footage. They made me look very good indeed.

Today, I'm an emotional wreck. I'm falling apart, but I can't figure out why. It must be hormones or something.

Day 56;
Wednesday, May 26, 2021:

Here it comes again. Can I switch back now? Just for a little while? How about just long enough for a nice swim?

But this time, I am ready with the ibuprofen.

Day 61;
Monday, May 31, 2021:

My outlook on life is much better now. Beating your head against the wall has its merits because it feels so good when you quit. There is something to be said for not feeling like crying over every little mishap or situation.

Meanwhile, Jan tells me that I am getting more in touch with my feminine side, and that doesn't bother me. Now that it's clear that I'll be able to have my old identity back, I am much more willing to embrace my new one. I'm not losing who I was. Instead, I'm gaining a whole new self. I'm becoming more than I ever was.

But so much for the post-period philosophizing I have a riding lesson to go to. After that, I'm going fishing with my brothers... I mean kids. I think they like me this way, too.

Jan is still tickled pink to have a 'daughter'. I have come to enjoy the attention. In a way, I feel closer to Jan now than ever before.

Day 62;
Tuesday, June 1, 2021:

It's a beautiful day. We got up to the sounds of roosters crowing and birds singing. Summer is finally here. The ground is warming up. I took a quick shower and dressed in shorts and a light blouse. I could hear Jan chatting with someone on her cell. I heard the office phone ring. "Can you get that, sweetie?" Jan asked. I waved at her and hustled downstairs. Sometimes, I wonder about the wisdom of having three phones. It just lets three people interrupt our lives at the same time. It turned out to be a wrong number.

Instead of going back upstairs to get my shoes, I walked barefoot on to the back porch and enjoyed the warm sun and the balmy breeze. The wooden porch felt good under my bare feet. I used to walk barefoot all the time as a kid, but gave it up as I got heavier. After a while, every rock and twig I stepped on would cause me to wince in pain.

But now, things are different. I leapt off the porch and on to the grass, enjoying the springy and slightly ticklish feeling on the soles of my feet. I felt like I had regained some small measure of freedom that I hadn't really realized that I had lost until now.

Well, I guess it won't hurt to do the chores this way. I just have to watch where I step. I may enjoy the feeling of the warm earth under my feet, but I definitely don't like feeling squishy poop between my toes. I tiptoed around the feed cans and tossed some scratch grain to the chickens. I grabbed an egg can and walked into the storage area.

I had purposely set up the storage area to be animal-proof. Animal-resistant is a better description, since those critters are so adept at getting where they don't belong. The feed hoppers, goat manger, and egg boxes form a part of a barrier that separates the animals from the storage area.

The manger was empty, but that's OK. In the summer, I like to toss a fork full of alfalfa hay over the electric fence to encourage them to eat outside, and pay more attention to the natural forage. The chicken feed hopper was still half full. I lifted the doors to the nest boxes and collected the eggs, dropping -- I mean carefully placing them into a coffee can with a bit of hay at the bottom for padding.

I know, using a coffee can to collect eggs is hardly picturesque. Still, it's practical and cheap. If someone wants picturesque, I guess we can get a nice little easter basket and dress some little girl up in a sun dress and have her get the eggs.

I put the can of eggs on the porch and used the pitch fork to pick up some alfalfa hay. I have managed to gain some strength in the past two months, so it wasn't too difficult to pick up a big wad of the stuff. As usual, some pieces fell on the fence. As usual, I plucked them off of the fence and tossed them into the pile.

ZAP! I jumped about three feet in the air and screeched.

Duh! Usually, I have shoes on when doing this. The shoes, along with the high resistance of the pieces of hay, keep me from getting zapped. Today, however, my bare feet are planted firmly upon the moist soil. I managed to blithely pick off a few strands, but it was inevitable that a pulse would hit exactly when I grab the strand if I kept at it.