Kayleigh still had the smile from her encounter with Connor pasted on her face as she crowded into her father’s car with her girlfriends, who bristled as she described her meeting with Coach Hull.

“I can’t believe he thought you were doing it to meet boys!” Breanna shrieked. “That’s so mean. What a sexist.”

“I mean,” Kayleigh giggled. “He wasn’t entirely wrong.”

The girls chuckled. “Did you manage the basketball team at your old school?” Jenna asked.

“Yeah, I did!” Kayleigh beamed. “But that was different...” She trailed off.

“How was it different?”

“It’s a long story,” Kayleigh shrugged, eager to change the subject. “Can you help me with my bun?”

“Sure.”

Anxious to reaffirm her girlhood, Kayleigh asked Jenna if she knew Connor Cox.

“Yeah! Nice guy, a little weird, kind of cute, keeps to himself. Why? You interested in him?”

“No, I just met him outside Coach’s office. Just curious, is all.”

“Yeah, curious.” Jenna giggled, knowing her girlfriend’s ways.

“Who’s this Connor?” Mr. Barnes piped up from the front of the car.

“Daaaaaaddddd,” Kayleigh whined as all the girls howled.

“Just asking, just asking!” he chuckled as he resumed his driving.

The car full of leotard- and tights-clad teenage girls was filled with chatter, as Grace debated what purse to buy, Jenna continually quizzed Kayleigh about boys, and Breanna and Emma whispered in low voices about - something. What were they up to?

“Emma, Bree, whatcha girls talking about?” Kayleigh loudly interrupted Jenna.

“Well...” Emma started. “Since you three are our best friends in the whole world...”

“We thought you should be the first of the forty people we invite every year..” Breanna continued.

“To our big Halloween party!”

All the girls were ecstatic.

“Daddy, can we go shopping after ballet class?” Kayleigh asked. There was a costume store near the studio where the girls took lessons.

“I suppose. Have fun.” He paused. “Wait a second, Emma, come here.”

Kayleigh and Grace paused on the sidewalk in front of the studio, cocking their hips in identical poses. What did their father want?

Emma motioned for the twins and ran to catch up with Jenna and Breanna. Mr. Barnes was left alone with his two daughters.

“What is it, Daddy?” Kayleigh asked.

“Look, there’s going to be boys at this party. Grace, you have to take care of your sister. Do you hear me?”

“Daddy!” Kayleigh whimpered. “I’m a big girl! I don’t need to be babysat!”

“I know, and I trust you,” Mr. Barnes assured his daughter, running a hand down her cheek. “But it’s just-” Mr. Barnes gestured haphazardly toward Kayleigh’s chest and crotch. “Let’s just say I don’t trust boys, alright?”

“I see,” Kayleigh grumbled, only half-agreeing with her father.

“Good, good,” Mr. Barnes smiled. “Now, I know the party is ten days away, and you have to head in and stretch soon, but I want to set two ground rules right now.

“First, Grace, I want you in the same room as your sister at all times. At least make an effort to keep an eye on her. More than anything, make sure she’s safe.

“Second, costumes.” Mr. Barnes stood up and gestured at his knee. “No skirts above here. Understood?”

“Yes,” the girls mumbled.

“I love you two. Go dance.” He kissed his daughters on the cheek and departed.

“Damn it!” Kayleigh shrieked as she held the studio door open for her sister. “That means no tutu!”

Grace laughed. “You probably still could wear leggings or tights. Daddy didn’t say anything about that.”

“Yeah, but...” Kayleigh faltered. “I kinda wanted to show some skin.” She fiddled a bit with her footless tights. “I have nice legs now, and, well,” she continued her strange monologue. “I don’t know.”

Something was eating at Kayleigh, but she wasn’t sure what. It bugged her all throughout her lesson and continued as she pulled on her jeans afterwards. What was it?

“Y’all ready?” Kayleigh asked, stepping out of her changing stall still in her leotard, but wearing it with jeans and Ugg boots. She’d let her hair down and retouched her makeup when she had a moment.

“Daaammmmmmmnnnnnn!” She heard Breanna cry. “When did you get so...hot?”

“Aw, come on!” Kayleigh blushed at the compliment from her girlfriend.

“No, really!” She looked Kayleigh over and smiled. “I thought you were pretty when I met you, but now - you look like a model!”

Kayleigh faced herself in the mirror and realized exactly what was bothering her - as she saw her boobs and curves fit against her leotard and jeans, she realized what got under her skin the most from her little chat with her father.

The girls walked en masse to the costume shop nearby and split off, Kayleigh and Emma going one way and Jenna, Breanna, and Grace scouring the other portion of the store. The two girls soon found themselves in the princess section. Emma’s eyes were drawn to a Belle dress.

“Oh! Beauty and the Beast was my favorite movie growing up!” she exclaimed. Her smile turned to a frown when she held up her dress. “It’s - pretty, but not my style. I want something short, like a tutu dress. It should show off my legs a little bit.”

“Have you ever kissed a boy?”

Emma dropped the dress in surprise. “Come again?”

“I’m just curious,” Kayleigh shrugged in her familiar manner.

“Well, if you must know, I have,” Emma said confidently, putting her hands on her yoga-pants covered hips. “I’ve kissed two boys. In fact, both of them were at my Halloween parties.”

“See, that just pisses me off.” Kayleigh kicked the rack of dresses in disgust.

“What is it?”

“My dad says I can’t wear a short skirt to the party,” Kayleigh seethed. “And it bothers me.”

“Why? That’s pretty reasonable.”

“Yeah, but...” Kayleigh wanted to say how she felt like her father was trying to keep her still somewhat of a boy, by preventing her from spending time with boys, and a bunch of other complicated teenage girl stuff made even more complicated by the fact that she was hiding a massive secret from the best friends she’d ever had.

But, of course, she kept quiet.

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” She was drawn to an Elsa costume on one of the shelves. Kayleigh had always loved Frozen, dating back to her Jared days. She’d used to prance around the house in a sky blue leotard and tutu belting out “Let it Go.” Things had been simpler then.

Now she was wearing actual leotards to actual ballet classes and thinking about kissing actual boys. How times had changed. Kayleigh regretted nothing, though.

She tried on the Elsa costume in the changing room - it was different than the costumes she usually saw, which she liked. Instead of the usual dress, it was more of a tutu dress, with a sequined bodice and a tulle skirt that poofed outward at the waist and fell just below her knees.

“It’s nice!” Kayleigh smiled. She could learn to live with it, even if it was a bit longer than her liking. She’d compensate by wearing a lot of makeup. No harm, no foul.

Kayleigh paid for her costume and the girls departed. After all her friends were dropped off, and the Barnes clan had rode home, she modeled her costume for her father and sister. Mr. Barnes nodded approvingly. “Now that’s a pretty costume!”

“So cute,” Grace agreed. “Are you planning on wearing tights with it...” And so the girly-girl detail-obsessions began.

A few hours later, after Kayleigh had matched the dress with every possible accessory from tiaras to tights, she stripped down to her bra and panties and decided to take a bubble bath. She was about ready to step into the tub when she heard her sister’s voice.

“Kayleigh! Come here!”

She rushed into Grace’s bedroom in nothing but her skivvies.

“I didn’t know you had it in you, Kayleigh. You’re sneakier than me!”

“What do you mean?” Kayleigh was confused. And cold.

“Buying a costume with two skirts, one long and long short, so you could change on a dime! Sneaky!”

“I still don’t understand.”

“Here, let me show you.” Grace slipped on the Elsa dress and gave a little twirl.

“Okay, so the skirt is twirly, got that. What’s your point?”

Grace fiddled with the elastic, undid a few buttons, and revealed the full skirt was concealing a much shorter but equally fluffy tutu-style skirt underneath.

“Oh my gosh! I had no idea!”

Kayleigh almost tackled Grace, she wanted to put on the costume so bad. When she did she marveled at her body.

“Okay, princess,” laughed Grace. “You’re really gonna wear that short tutu to the party? Half your ass is showing!”

“Nah,” Kayleigh relented, thinking more and more how immodest it made her look. “I think I’m gonna stick with this.” She gestured to the full skirt.

“Suit yourself.” Grace left Kayleigh, who thought long and hard about life before falling into a dreamless sleep.

---

Ten days passed. Kayleigh’s excitement only increased. She could only flirt with boys so much in school. She could do whatever she wanted with them outside of it.

As she got dressed for school on Halloween - which, thankfully, fell on a Friday - Kayleigh kept wondering how she could circumvent her sister, who she knew would undoubtedly be watching her every move.

She knew Grace, despite her tendencies to “bend the rules,” deeply cared about her. So it would take a lot for Kayleigh to achieve her goal of being alone with a boy.

She wanted to get boys’ motors revving hours in advance, so she chose the shortest shorts allowed under the dress code, even though it was 30 degrees. She wore a tight tank top and let her hair down and made sure as much skin was visible as possible. Snowflakes fell outside her bedroom window as she did this.

“Kayleigh Marie, are you freaking kidding me?” Grace burst out laughing as she entered her sister’s bedroom dressed in jeggings, Ugg boots, and about five different coats.

“I thought you hated the cold.”

“Come on, it ain’t that cold. We’re northerners, for god’s sake.” Kayleigh made use of Jared’s old sense of humor for a moment, at which her sister smiled.

“I know what this is about, and I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it.” Grace sat on her sister’s bed and beckoned Kayleigh to do the same.

“Emma told me you asked her about kissing a boy. She found it strange. First that a girl with your looks had never been kissed. Quickly got off of that subject.

“Second your whole tangent about skirts. She thought it was odd. I thought it was odd. Even for you.

“You are going to wear the full skirt tonight, correct?”

“Over leggings, too,” Kayleigh smiled wryly. “It isn’t that bad. I’ll go for anything frilly.”

“I know that.” Grace took a deep breath. “Okay, don’t tell Daddy about this conversation, because he’ll get mad, and he won’t understand, because it’s kind of a sister thing.”

“Cross my heart.”

“If you try to kiss a boy tonight like you told Emma you wanted to, I’m not going to stop you.”

Kayleigh’s mouth fell open. A billion emotions cycled through her brain. “But why?”

“Because I think-” Grace lowered her voice, making sure what was said next was just between the two girls. “I think Dad still can’t get his head around the fact that his only son his now his daughter who is wearing dresses and painting her nails and checking out cute boys.

“He can’t stop you from wearing dresses and that kind of thing because you love it so much. So he’s trying to keep you from, well, being a normal teenage girl.

“It’s just my theory. Please don’t get mad at Daddy or me. I’m just letting you know, I’m there for you. No matter what. You’re my sister.”

Kayleigh bawled openly, which mandated she retouch her mascara, which delayed the Barnes’ ride to school already when Mr. Barnes stared down his daughter.

“You’re wearing that to school?”

Kayleigh simply shrugged. “The cold never bothered me anyway,” she grinned.

“Go put something longer on, Elsa,” her father said warmly but still stern. Kayleigh returned wearing the tightest yoga pants possible and glaring at her father, incensed.

“See what I mean?” Grace whispered. “It’s not about the clothes. It’s about what they represent.”

Kayleigh nodded at her sister’s unexpectedly deep statement. She piled into the car and headed off to school.

An informal survey of the cute boys revealed a lot of them were coming to the party. Kayleigh was excited beyond belief. She was sure kissing was in store - and maybe more. She made sure to take breath mints throughout the day, just for practice.

Kayleigh was anxiously hurrying toward her locker, eager to bring the school day to a merciful end when, for the first time since their meeting ten days ago, she bumped head-on into Connor Cox.

“Connor! I’m so sorry,” Kayleigh gasped, helping him pick his books up. As she did so, her eyes met his for but a moment.

“Hey! You coming to the party tonight?” she asked, remembering seeing his name on a guest list.

“Thorry, I can’t,” Connor stuttered. “I have a bery, bery bad cold.” Kayleigh was suddenly very aware that his subtly handsome face had a nose as red as her party dress.

“Bethides,” he mumbled. “Partieth aren’t really my thing.”

“Okay, I’ll see you at basketball tryouts on Monday!” Connor would be there to cover the team.

“Yeth! Can’t wait!” Kayleigh caught sight of him banging his head on his locker and giggled. If her plans tonight went to hell she knew she had a backup option. Or maybe if they didn’t go to hell. Many things remained to be seen.

“Ready for tonight, sweetie!” Kayleigh whirled around to face Jenna, who already had cat’s whiskers and a headband on. She planned to wear her ballet leotard with leggings and one of Kayleigh’s black tutus, which the pair had devoted last Saturday to decorating with glitter.

“As I’ll ever be! Don’t you look hot!”

“Not nearly as hot as you,” Jenna shot back in her usual friendly manner. “Heard you plan on, tonight, well...” Jenna did an eyebrow flitting motion.

“Nah,” Kayleigh brushed her friend off. “We’ll see.” Kayleigh really had no idea what to expect.

Two hours later Kayleigh and Grace each stood in front of the latter’s mirror in only bra and panties.

“Are you ready to do this?” Grace asked, echoing Jenna’s words.

“Let’s do it!” Kayleigh was ready to burst now, with some combination of teenage angst, sexual energy, and a general enthusiasm for being a girl.

They set about taking turns doing each other’s makeup. Grace was dressing up as Tinker Bell; she had a light green leotard and tights and she’d made her own tutu, which extended past her knees. Both girls wore wearing special princess makeup they’d seen in tutorials.

Grace put on a wig, while Kayleigh braided her natural hair for her Elsa costume. Now came the moment of truth.

After readjusting her breast and butt pads, Kayleigh stepped into her leggings, and finally zipped herself into her dress. To give herself a “street” look she wore tennis shoes, and punctuated the whole outfit with a tiara. After admiring herself in the mirror, she presented herself to her father. Wanting to emphasize her girlhood, she spoke in a cutesie voice.

“Hey, Daddy! Don’t I look like a princess?”

“You look very pretty, sweetie. Now, you and your sister remember my rules?”

“Yes, Daddy!” Kayleigh exclaimed exasperatedly. When her dad had turned, she grinned devilishly. No, Daddy. Screw your rules. She was a big girl. She didn’t need her Daddy to protect her.

She and Grace were the first to arrive, joining Emma, dressed cutely as Belle in a costume similar to the twins’.

“Here, help me get some stuff out of my room,” Emma said as she waved the girls upstairs. “I’m behind on my decorating and need a ton of help.”

Kayleigh and Grace skipped upstairs and set to work moving boxes frantically around, helping to hang decorations and set up food tables.

When Kayleigh bounded upstairs to grab the last box, she couldn’t help but look around Emma’s room. There was no room she loved being in more than a girl’s bedroom. It was a belief that had been nurtured by years of standing inside them in boy's’ clothes, just marvelling at all the endless possibilities that could be held within, in terms of clothes, makeup, dolls, you name it.

The first time the girls had gone over to Emma’s house, after they’d already become fast friends at ballet class, she’d given the girls one instruction.

“This is something I tell only my closest girlfriends,” she had said that hot day in late August. “I’ve only ever told Jenna and Breanna and this. I call it my ‘Standing Order.’

“If you’re ever sad, or ever uncomfortable, or just in need of somewhere safe, you come in my room. And whether I’m here or not, you feel free to paint your nails or try on any outfit or whatever. Understand?”

Kayleigh and Grace had nodded, just as they found themselves nodding now when Emma asked if they were sure they didn’t need anything to eat.

“Alright. I gave you first choice. You’re going to have to wait in line now, though, because it’s party time!”

Emma opened the door and all of the girls’ friends came trickling in. Virtually every notable sophomore was there, and some notable freshmen, along with select juniors and seniors the girls knew. Kayleigh put names to faces: Joe Hammond... Callie Stewart... Shelby Dunbar... Kirk Doyle... they all blurred together after awhile.

The first boy Kayleigh tried to hit on was a cute baseball player named B.J. Sample, who Kayleigh had gone gaga over in English earlier in the year. She tried to goad him into brushing against her, but she just ended up annoying him. Dejected and sad, she gave up on that adventure.

She tried moves on a few other boys, flirting with them, hiking up her skirt (at which Grace scowled), being nice, teasing them, even touching a few she knew well. But nothing was going for her. Meanwhile, much to Kayleigh’s chagrin, Jenna and Emma were in massive lip-locks with Braden Sampson and Tom Powell. Lucky, she thought, as she was simultaneously revolted and fascinated by their public displays of affection.

Kayleigh grew more and more desperate as the night progressed. She wanted to have a guy. A guy that was hers. A boyfriend. And most of all, to prove wrong what she saw as her father’s subtle idea that his daughter was still somewhat of a boy.

Now Grace had a boy as she saw her sister cuddling with Henry Dowling on the sofa, looking upon each other with those eyes unique to lovers. Jenna was the only one left standing, although she seemed to be making eyes at Darius Graham as she doled out food.

Perceived peer pressure pushed against Kayleigh’s soft skin and fragile ego. She wanted something to happen. She wanted to prove she was a real girl. But to whom? The answer, she refused to admit but would later, was herself.

The desperation mounted until she made a drastic move. Kayleigh excused herself to the bathroom after another conversation with a boy went nowhere. Once in there, she ripped off the long-skirt portion of her costume and stomped on it. Then, readjusting the tutu-like skirt that remained, she slipped off her leggings and cut them with scissors into short-shorts, which barely covered her padded panties.

After this scene transpired, she sauntered over to a chair in the main room and sat smiling with her legs open. Visibly freaked out, Jenna called Kayleigh aside.

“Is something wrong? You’re acting very, very weird and it’s scaring me.”

“You girls all have guys to be with. I want one too. That’s all.” Kayleigh smiled and maintained her open-legged position.

“Well, you look just plain creepy right now. Here, I have an idea that will get you with a boy. Emma!” She called her over from her makeout session with Tom. “It’s time.”

Emma stood in front of her fireplace and gathered everyone’s attention. “Hey, everybody! Thanks for coming! Hope you’re having a good time, but I thought maybe now we could play a game!”

The throng of twenty-odd people gathered in the room nodded half-heartedly. They significantly increased their attention when Emma announced they were going to play “7 Minutes of Heaven.”

Emma held up two bowls, with boys’ names in one and girls’ names in another. Kayleigh was anxious. Her heart pounded. She trembled. The moment of truth drew near.

Suddenly, Kayleigh had a minor anxiety attack. She had had her palms on her tutu, and found that the tulle had sagged from all the sweat. In disarray, Kayleigh told Jenna she needed a moment alone.

“Take my name out of the bowl!” Kayleigh whispered loudly. “I-I can’t do this. I need to get out of here.” After frantically searching for Grace for a moment, and seeing her holding hands with Luke Masters, she sprinted upstairs.

The Standing Order. Kayleigh, anytime she felt sad, was to go into Emma’s room, and do within reason whatever she needed to make herself feel better. This was the nuclear option. She was using it.

Able to see fine, Kayleigh didn’t turn any lights on. She slunk into Emma’s walk-in closet, and stripped to just her bra and panties.

She found a little white dress that Emma often wore as a pick-me-up on bad days. It had a cute sash, a flared skirt, and it gave a relatively generous view of her breasts. Since she didn’t need to worry about anyone seeing her fake boobs, she picked it out without thinking twice.

After zipping herself into it and twirling in the closet mirror, she cracked open the door. She was extremely startled at what she saw.

Sitting on the other side of Emma’s bed, facing the front wall (as in, Kayleigh was looking at his back) was a boy. He was rather tall, muscular, and he was making nary a sound. Kayleigh was about to turn back and hide in the closet but thought better of it.

“Who the hell are you?” She asked.

The boy spoke without turning around. “I thought I was confident in myself enough to play that game, but I wasn’t. I chickened out.” He didn’t give a name and wouldn’t throughout their entire conversation.

Now he faced Kayleigh; darkness had descended outside the room and made the two unable to see one another. The boy’s silhouette was just visible. Neither bothered to turn the light on. Neither expressed a desire to do so.

“I did the same thing,” Kayleigh said, sitting on the bed, knowing the two were now facing each other. “I don’t know what it was. I just couldn’t bring myself to play the game.” It was like the two were speaking to each other’s consciences.

“I just flat-out couldn’t do it,” the boy continued to muse. “Too damn uncomfortable. That’s not me. I don’t just go around kissing girls.”

“And I don’t go around kissing guys,” the words poured out of Kayleigh’s mouth. “Hey, at least now we can be uncomfortable together.”

“That’s right.” The creases of a smile were detectable in the dark.

Kayleigh leaned across the bed and approached the silhouette. She put her hands on its shoulders, and soon she and the boy were kissing.

Kissing was just the beginning. Soon their tongues were rolling over one another, and then Kayleigh felt a zipping sound as the boy undid her dress.

“This can go,” Kayleigh concurred with the boy, and using some acrobatics she rolled out of her dress and kicked it off the bed. She successfully removed the boy’s shirt and had lost all sense of time and place as she embraced him in only her bra and panties.

This continued for some time, the two kissing and running their hands down each other’s sides, until suddenly the boy stopped. Slowly, he dislodged his tongue from Kayleigh’s mouth, and she could make out him pulling back.

“What’s wrong?”

Kayleigh looked down and could just make out the reaching of a hand. Suddenly, she saw a solitary finger poke her breast at first, and then, a hand reach out and cup the edges of the breast. Her eyes widened. She’d been found out.

Slowly, she saw the boy withdraw from her, and stand up. He moved unsteadily, and finally stammered, “I-I have to go.”

And go he did. Yes, the boy went right out Emma’s bedroom window, unlatching and slithering out all in one motion, landing on his feet, and sprinting into the moonlit October night. Paralyzed, Kayleigh waited a moment before apprehensively slipping on her dress again.

The emotion was too much. Confounded by the surrealism of what had occurred, Kayleigh tucked her bare legs into a blanket before falling fast asleep.

Chapter 5 will be released in two weeks, on February 12th, rather than next Sunday in the middle of the Super Bowl. Hope to see you all then!