“You want me to loan you what?”

I had to do some kind of an auditory double take when I heard just what my brother had asked.

“You see,” my brother Todd explained, “I was walking in the hall the other day behind Jillian and her friend when I heard her say that, she liked, well...”

“What?”

“Big butts on guys, okay? And that’s why I need to borrow your butt pads. The ones you bought when you wanted to impress that one guy, remember? Please? I need them.”

“Why should I help you?”

“Come on, Stephanie. You remember what it’s like to be obsessed with someone. You changed yourself to impress them, and I really want to impress Jillian. It’s our first date.”

“Okay,” I agreed - as far as he knew. Please. Todd was only being nice to me because he wanted something. And that remark about “remembering what it’s like to be obsessed with someone?” He wasn’t fooling anyone. When I had been going out with Murray he’d taken every opportunity to make fun of me as much as humanly possible.

For a moment, the image of my eighth grade brother in his smallish figure wearing butt-pads appeared in my mind. That alone almost made me laugh out loud. But suddenly, I figured a way to twist that into my final revenge on Todd for the teasing he’d done over the years.

I fished through my drawer innards and handed him the padding. He disappeared into my closet and put it on. When I saw it, I disappeared into giggles. My plan could begin.

“What’s so funny?” Todd demanded.

“Nothing, nothing.” Todd in a boyish polo and jeans with a curvy booty was the funniest thing I’d seen in a long time. “You just look kind of weird, is all.”

“Can you fix it?”

“I may have an idea...”

“Leggings?” Todd was incredulous.

“Come on! Guys are wearing them all the time these days.” I picked up a fashion catalog to back up my claim. Gullible as he was, I knew I could convince him.

So there my brother was in leggings with a massive bottom, looking comical but convinced he was some sort of avant-garde fashion star. “Girls will come like a moth to light!” I told him. “I know I can’t get enough of boys with leggings.”

I almost died laughing in my brain at these outrageous falsehoods that I was telling. Guys with leggings? If any of my girlfriends or I saw a curvy boy with leggings trying to hit on us, we probably would run away. Fast.

My little game would only get better. “This polo shirt,” said Todd, in as thoughtful a tone as he can muster, “looks kind of odd. Can you fix that? Maybe with something plaid?” He was already wearing a plaid shirt.

I thought about how Todd had destroyed my relationship with Murray, the only boy I’d ever loved. Berated him and I mercilessly. Saw to it I was miserable. Inflicted emotional pain no one should know.

“A pink plaid flannel shirt?”

“Why not? Pink is in for guys?” The fashion catalog again. More nodding from Todd. My brother with curves and leggings and a flannel; thumbing through his phone he could have passed for any girl in his grade or mine.

Why stop there? “A lot of guys are wearing makeup these days?”

“You’re kidding me.”

“No! No!” Another catalog, this one featuring a pop artist wearing eye liner. Girls mobbing him. Todd impressed. Todd wearing lipstick and eyeliner. Todd pimping in the mirror.

“I’ve always wanted a little sister,” I muttered under my breath.

“What was that?”

“You look so handsome!” My brother/sister smiled gleefully at his/her reflection.

The doorbell rang. “Wish me luck!”

My brother smiled. I liked him as a girl. He seemed softer somehow. If he was this sweet in leggings, I wondered what a dress would do to him?

Todd skipped downstairs, and I snuck to the loft to watch the scene unfold. The pretty, prissy boy dressed as a girl about to go on the date with the pretty, prissy girl. I treasured this moment.

It didn’t last long. Jillian apparently had Todd’s taste in fashion. The two “girls” in pink button-downs, leggings and Converse looked each other over with wide eyes. The only difference between them was that one ran.

“Will a manicure help?” I jeered as I watched Todd fume as Jillian biked out of sight. “A lot of boys are wearing dresses nowadays.” He glared at me. I just smiled. What a girl. “She” already had the bitchy stare down to a science.

They are wrong - sometimes, once in a blue moon, revenge does satisfy. And I made note of the fact that from (pink) top to (cute bubble) bottom, this had been the best day ever.

---

All the bridesmaids were in hysterics. Tori just blushed and fiddled with her wedding dress. Her eyes met mine, and a wry smile crossed her face. The same one that had looked in the mirror fifteen years ago and liked what it saw.

“To my sweet little sister and her cute, now real bubble butt! To the boy that saw the beauty in her leggings and Converse when no girl did! I wish you years of good health.”

Jillian popped the champagne and the bachelorette party began. I caught a glimpse of her and Tori laughing hysterically, as the bride fiddled with her makeup, fixed her hair, and shifted to accentuate her curves in her gown. Satisfaction came over me. It’s a weird thing, revenge.