Chapter 2

“Oh! She’s got bigger news… She’s got three interviews for the same day!” I chuckle, jealousy still seething through me.

“She's what?” Helen looks at the two of us. "Timmy, You're joking!"

Tammy is visibly stressed. “I know I can’t reschedule the one that Mom set up. Helen, is there a chance you could get the other one rescheduled?”

“I’ll try. What’s the other job?” Helen asks.

“Which one?” I say with a smile.

“You’re just loving this, aren’t you?” Tammy’s glare reminds me of the ‘angry cat’ memes. My smile turns into a stuttering giggle that my hand is trying to hold in.

“Well when it rains, it pours!”, I say with a chortle.

Helen’s already on the phone with someone. I think it’s her contact from Brownstone. Helen’s conversation goes from bubbly to disappointed. It ends with “no she’s still interested” and “she’ll be there.”

We already know the result. “Hey, Sis why don’t you…” Tammy holds a finger up, she’s one step ahead. Same result. She hands me back my phone.

“Well, Sis, I think you're screwed…” again the ‘angry cat meme face.' I laugh again, and Helen joins in the laughter.

“So, which interview are you gonna go to?” the question on everyone’s mind jumps from my lips (which are kind of chapped now.)

“Well, it’s not like I can be at two places at once. I’ll take my chances with the one in Springfield.” Tammy announces.

“That’s brave of you, are you going to tell mom or should I?” I say heading over to my purse for some lip balm, I drop my phone in my purse and retrieve my EOS.

Seven expletives later, she takes a seat at the table with her elbow planted on the tabletop. She rests her head in her hands. “I don’t know.” She grabs my cup of coffee and begins to sip it. I shake my head, put away the lip balm and pad to the kitchen to retrieve another mug from the cupboard. Again, I go through the same coffee ritual. Dishrag and all. Helen grabs the mug of coffee as I’m wiping the counter and with a “thanks” walks back to the table to join Tammy.

“Helen, did you make an appointment with Morgan? I can feel my brain cells dying every minute I’m a blonde.” Coffee is now coming out of Helen’s nose, spraying the table with Guatemalan Arabica. I throw the dishrag at her. “Ugh! Timmy, now look at what you made me do!” she yells back.

“Cause I’m a blonde Ya! Yeah! Ya!” I sing bobbing my head from left to right and back again, my loose hair dancing with me. Tammy stares as me for a moment then finally breaks into laughter. “God! I love that baby sis!” she exclaims. I’m stunned. The way she said it. That’s the first time she’s referred to me as her “sister”, or even anything remotely like it.

Helen freezes in the middle of wiping up the spilled coffee and turns her head. She must have noticed Tammy’s outburst it too. A split second later she has a devilish grin on her. Helen doesn’t have to say it… I’m not psychic, but isn’t this a classic sitcom storyline? I know where this is going, but at the very least I’m going to have fun with it.

“Lucy! I know dat looook!” I say with my hand at my hips doing my Ricky Ricardo impression. “The answer is no!” The impression is awful, by the way.

“But Ricky!” Helen’s performing her best impression of Lucille Ball! Helen’s awesome when she plays along!

“I said No!” I respond. Tammy is utterly confused.

“But I didn’t ask you anything.”

“Fine, what is it that you want to ask me?”

“I was going to ask if you could stand in for Tammy…” Again, Tammy is lost, but Helen’s ‘Lucy’ is almost dead on.

“Lucy, I said NO!”

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”, Oh! Helen is hamming it up!

“Mira! Que tiene cosa la mujer esta!” I throw back, staccato. I’m laughing hysterically. Helen is right there with me.

Tammy is looking at us like aliens stole our brains.

We settle down and Tammy’s fit to be tied. “I’m so glad you both are getting a laugh at my expense.”

“Sorry sis! I couldn’t resist.”

“You know you could pass for Tammy right?” Helen says matter of factly.

“You’re joking!” Tammy replies.

“No, I’d probably hang myself if I had to wear anything calico, a cardigan and mary janes. No offense sis.”

“Oh! How can I possibly be offended by that?” sarcasm is not her strong suit. “Besides, you know nothing about me.”

“I know everything about you…” I retort. There’s ‘that angry cat’ meme again.

“Oh really?”

“Yup!”

“What’s my favorite…”

“Turquoise.” I cut her off. I’m not sure her brows can get closer than they are right now.

“Who’s my fav…”

“Ryan Reynolds and for comedy Mike Myers and by the way, Ewww!”

“Who was my first…”

“Eric Sullivan, eight grade, behind the gym, after third period.”

“You knew about that?!?!?”

“Seriously? All your friends gossiped about you!”

“Well, that doesn’t mean you can be me…” Tammy is laying down the gauntlet.

I take a deep breath… Helen knows what’s coming… She can barely contain herself even though she’s seen it a million times. My impression of Tammy…

“Hi! I’m Tammy Sterling, I’m 24 years old, I was a marketing major at State, with a 3.9GPA and am really interested in working for Brownstone Industries as an Assistant to your Graphic Design staff. I can really do a wonderful job as an Assistant, and I know that I can help take your company to the next level. I’m familiar with Illustrator, Publisher, Photoshop, and my portfolio is blah blah blah…” I finish with my toothy grin.

Tammy’s jaw just hit the floor. “Oh my God! Where did you learn to do that?!?!?”

I finally glance over at Helen who is on the floor rolling with laughter. She’s clutching her chest doubled over with pain from the laughter. She settles down. “You know not a day goes by without the ‘Tammy Sterling’ impression! You know Tim does a better you than, well you!”

“It’s perfect… Really creepy and disturbing, but absolutely perfect…” Tammy’s shaking her head

“Wait!” I yell out, “You should see Helen’s impression of me!”.

“Sorry, we’ve got to head over to the Salon. Why don’t you come with?” Helen says to Tammy.

“Yeah! That would be fun. We can turn that chestnut mop of yours into something gorgeous. Besides, you’re going to need to get your hair done for the interview; right?” I add.

“So you’re okay with it?”

“Sure! We’ll have fun the three of us!” I say walking over to my overnight bag for some clothes. “Just let me get a shower in.” I grab my toiletries and head into the bathroom.

“You know she’s really awesome,” Tammy says to Helen.

“Yeah, I know,” Helen says as she walks to the sink with the two mugs.

“Do you think she’ll go through with it?” Tammy asks.

“Maybe,” Helen says placing the mug in the dish rack.

“You know sometimes she’s a pain in the ass, but she really has a good heart,” Tammy adds.

“You know that’s the third time in a row you referred to your brother as ‘her’?

“I did? Oh you know what I mean.”

You know it’s just Tim being Tim right?” Helen looks over at Tammy who is now deep in thought.

“Yeah, Tim being Tim.”

I emerge from the bathroom towel with around my waist and another towel a turban for my hair. Helen takes a look at me shakes her head as I walk into Tammy’s room to get changed. I’m out of feminine attire, and so guy clothes will have to do. Well, that and I wasn’t kidding about killing myself rather than wear anything in Tammy’s closet. How many cardigans can someone own?

Tammy realizes I’m in her room and yells, “Do you need something to wear?”

I imagine Helen’s look of derision, It’s the same one on my face too. “No, I’ll manage.” I’m back to boxers, I slip on my navy Dockers and a t-shirt. I slide my feet into my dress socks then into a pair of loafers. I walk out looking for my Oxford. It’s a casual day. We’re going to the Salon after all.

The look shocks Tammy. “Wait! Aren’t you going as Tina?” She asks, more confused than ever.

“No, we’re just going to the salon.” For me, it’s just hair, and I’m not going to put my face on until we have to leave for the event tonight.

Tammy looks over at Helen. “And you’re okay with this?” Again the look of derision from both of us. “Sure, as long as Tina cleans up for tonight, what do I care?”

“It’s just, I thought you were going to be Tina for the day.” Tammy remarks.

“You sound disappointed sis? Why?” I ask.

“Oh, no reason… it’s just… I don’t get to… never mind… let's go.”

I hold the door. I get a stare from Tammy a bit as Helen walks out. Tammy is more subdued as passes me. Her face is less animated than earlier this morning. I shut off the lights, close the door, and use my key to lock it.