"Wow! That's cruel, even for her! Look, I know how much you wanted that. I'm sorry, I didn't think that... How about we talk more about this when I get back. Is Helen with you?"

"She's here."

"Good. I'll see you when I get back?"

"Uh huh", is all I can manage.

Chapter 6

Helen and I spent the evening in my condo drowning my sorrows in ice cream. It was no great loss to Tammy that she was no longer a candidate for the position as Ms. Grant's assistant. It was rather devastating to me that I was no longer a viable candidate for employment at Grant Systems. It would have been an absolute dream to be able to work with those designers there who would mix technology with fashion.

Ice cream, wine, and popcorn are a really bad combination. It's all I had in my condo. Neither of us could muster the energy to go out for dinner. Instead, we stayed in and streamed I Love Lucy episodes. Helen borrowed one of my velour track suits and I donned my t-shirt and silk boxers. As I emerged from my bathroom Helen, already snuggled in my bed looks over at me and says. "Tina, you really should invest in a comfy set of pj's."

I look at her, "you know Tammy said the same thing to me. These are comfy." I climb into bed with Helen.

"Wow! I never thought I'd ever get Tim Sterling to come to bed with me."

"What? I crash at your place all the time."

"Yes and whenever you do, you crash as Tina. Haven't you ever noticed that?"

"Not really, I just figured we always come home too late for me to change back. So I change in the morning. I never thought you noticed."

"I just thought that it was odd that it was always Tina that spent the night and not Tim."

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You know you never answered my question.”

“What question?”

“Why you keep switching back and forth?”

“Mom asked if I could choose, which would remain.”

“Have you thought about talking about it with someone? Professionally, I mean?”

“I never saw it as a problem.”

“Tammy told me what you were like before, you know.”

A cold sweat rolls through me. “What did she tell you?”

“She told me enough to be worried when you get like this.”

“Is this why Tammy always asks me to stay with you while she’s away? So that you can keep an eye on me?”

Her eyes pooling with tears, she doesn’t have to answer. “She worries and so do I that…”

“I’m not that scared little kid anymore!”

“you wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t a problem!”

“Look, I have the two of you! Both of you keep me grounded.”

“You deserve more! You deserve someone who loves you as much as we do and maybe even more. Someone that you actually open up to, not just joke with, someone that can share both in your joy and in your pain.”

“I love you, but that hasn’t been enough and with you losing one more of your dreams… I…” her pangs of sorrow overwhelm her. I pull her into me with an embrace. We both cry ourselves to sleep.

I’m awaken by a phone call in the morning. “Ms. Sterling?” The voice begins before I can manage a ‘hello’.

I launch into my Tammy voice. “Speaking, may I ask who is calling?”

“This is Katherine, at Omega Marketing? My supervisor asked me to give you a call. We couldn’t reach you on your home number. I remember you calling me on this line to reschedule your interview. I’m so glad we were able to get a hold of you. We wanted to make sure you are alright.”

“Well I appreciate that, if you don’t mind, this seems a bit unorthodox is there something wrong?”

“No, nothing is wrong now that we have been able to contact you. We were worried when one of our staff members noticed your flight itinerary.”

“My flight itinerary?” panic overwhelms me.

“It’s a real tragedy, but I’m so glad you are alright.”

“Yes, I am, thank you for calling.”

The browser on my phone takes an eternity to load. I shriek in horror as I see the headline. It wakes Helen from her slumber. The room doesn’t seem real anymore, it all darkens. I hear a call in the darkness, but I can’t respond, “Tina? What’s wrong? Tina? Tim? TIM!”

I’m in, what feels like, my kitchen, at the same time its not. I’m getting my bearing when a young girl runs towards me and begins hugging my thigh. “Mommy! Joey hit me!” a young girl pleads with me to step in. She’s familiar, A sense of frustration comes over me.

“Joey!” no answer, I call out again. My third, a full ‘mom yell’, “Joseph Erin McCall! You get yourself in here at once! Footsteps and a young boy emerges, a look of guilt on his face. He’s adorable and mine and well it’s impossible to stay angry. “What’s your side of the story?” I breathe out. It feels like I’ve been through this hundreds of times.

The young boy looks to the ceiling. He’s going to lie to me. I sense it from his body language. “Joseph, before you say one word. If you lie to mommy it will be much worse than if you tell me the truth.” Kelly, the young girl whose arms are around my thigh moves slightly. My eyes don’t move from my son. “Kelly, honey, taunting your brother can get you punished, remember?” The shift in the weight on my leg is familiar, Kelly’s looking up at me. “I’m serious young lady. Now Joseph, what is your side of the story.”

“Well… Kelly was…”

Ugh! I cut off, what would be ‘the long narrative’. “Joey, did you hit your sister?” A monosyllabic “yes”. “At the time, were you having fun or were you mad?” The same body language, he’s going to lie to me again.

“I was mad.”

“Lie number 1, do you want to start again?” Oh my God! I’ve turned into my mother. That revelation disappoints me.

“I was playing with the bean bags and one of them got away from me”

“Baby, mixing a lie in with the truth is still a lie.”

A stunned look comes over his face. I know that look, It’s that moment when you think your mom is psychic. “Were you aiming for your sister?” He looks down at the ground; “yes”. “Your bean bags get put away for the day. Kelly, your dessert goes to Joey for taunting him. Had you done nothing, Joey would have been the only one punished. Am I clear?” A stereo “yes, mommy” They begin to walk away.

“Did I say that you two can go?” Both freeze in their tracks and turn back at me. I’m waiting for them to figure it out. Joey’s been through this a number of times before. He turns to Kelly. “I’m sorry for throwing the bean bag at you.” Taking a cue from her brother Kelly apologizes as well. I give an exasperated sigh and say, “you two can go.”

I take my tea cup and saucer from the table to the sink. I close my eyes, thankful for just a moment worth of peace. The kids will be on good behavior until, well, they remember they’re kids and the cycle begins again.

I wake up, I’m in a room, its dark. The familiar smell of antiseptic and alcohol. I know immediately where I am. I’ve been here before. Younger, but not young enough that the memory of this place as faded. I look over. Monitors cast enough light in the room to make some items distinct. There’s a chair, with a figure cloaked in black, it looks like death. My eye’s focus in the darkness. Helen. She’s asleep.

A nurse doing her rounds notices I’m awake. “Tina, it’s good to have you with us.” She whispers. “how do you feel sweetheart?”

“How long?” I ask. The normal question is “where am I”, sadly I already know that answer.

“Three days”

“And Tammy?”

“I should let the doctor know you’re awake.”

“She was on the plane.” Helen’s voice, a sad whisper trying not to cry.

I can’t cry. I know that whatever drugs they have me on, keeps that from happening.

“Miss Sterling?” a older man enters the room. The lab coat over the sport coat and slacks suggests not a person that deals with physical ailments. “I’m Dr. Everett, you can call me Ruben. I have been assigned to your case.”

“I assume that a full workup has been made of me?”

“It has.”

“Tests are normal?”

“Yes, but we are waiting on a few more.”

“Can I go home after that?”

“I’m afraid that decision has to be made by the one handling your affairs.”

“Excuse me? I’m an adult, I handle my affairs.”

“I think you should speak with your mother.”

“She had me declared unfit?”

“The conservatorship papers were filed yesterday.” Helen responds.

I feel betrayed. “And you know this because you provided one of the affidavits.” I not bothering to hide my disappointment.

“She said I needed to do it, to keep you safe, and so that she could handle your affairs. I panicked. I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Tina, darling, I’m so glad you are awake. I asked them to give me a call the moment you were conscious”

“No games mother, just tell me what I need to do to get my life back.”

“I’ve lost one daughter; I’m not losing you too…”