My friends used to joke... (albeit wrongly, I would add.)

What's separates a crossdresser from a transsexual? About two years and therapy.

Chapter 1

“Timmy! You’re never going to believe this! I’ve got an interview!” beams my long time unemployed older sister, Tammy, barely able to contain her excitement. It's too early in the morning for her, or anyone else to be this excited. I fold the blanket and place it on the couch where I awoke just minutes earlier.

“I heard" Stretching, trying to greet the morning.

"You know, dear brother, you really should invest in a comfy set of PJ's." She greets me with a smile. "Oh and I never sleep with my bra on, you shouldn’t either." I'm in the outfit from last night. Helen, Tammy’s roommate, wanted to go out for drinks with a few people from her office and thought “Tina” could use a girls’ night out. Helen went to college with Tammy, they were friends, but Helen and I had much more in common, like, oh... a 'sense of style'.

I was either too drunk to change out of the ensemble, or I passed out on the couch. I'm not really sure. I'm not sure that I can get out of jeggings and a bodysuit sober much less plastered. My boots and leather jacket are on the floor by the bench in the makeshift foyer.

The outfit and jewelry were my own. It was fun playing “Tina”. It’s just play, not a lifestyle. I had made a small fortune during the last stock market run-up and for the moment, could live comfortably. It would only be a matter of time before the surplus would run out. I would have to find a job as well. Truth be told, I was also covering Tammy’s share of her apartment while she was out of work. I did own, outright, my condo unit downtown though I spent a fraction of my time there.

"Helen told me all about it last night. She was surprised they were able to schedule you for an interview so soon.” My sister gives me a puzzled look but continues. I follow her into the kitchen, hoping someone made coffee.

“I have to book my flight to Springfield and everything. I’ve only got two weeks.” She powers on her tablet and begins to look for flights.

“It’s probably not a good idea to plan a trip out of town so close to an interview,” I comment plainly. Trying to remember where I put my purse. My loose hair is driving me crazy. I spy the coffeemaker, and I steal a cup of coffee from the percolator as its dripping. Helen seems to find coffee beans from all over the world that taste better than most coffeehouses. After spilling some coffee on the counter, I'm searching for the dishrag.

"Hey, you mind staying with Helen while I'm away? She loves having "Tina" around, you know." Stating the obvious. Her mind, as usual, is going in every direction... But yes, Helen loves having me around. I'm like her own life size Barbie doll, minus the ridiculous Mattel proportions. We're supposed to attend the release of the fall fashion lineup, so I'm, well, Tina, is her 'plus one' for the event this evening. That and she promised to have Morgan, at the salon, restore my hair from platinum blonde, (Helen's idea, not mine) to my usual rosewood. The look of horror on Tammy's face when I walked in two days ago said it all. The blonde tendrils are why I'm avoiding Mom.

Tammy continues, "I have to pick out what I have to wear and… What did you say?” Tammy slams the brakes on the conversation.

It's so abrupt, I freeze in my tracks. Usually, she's prattling on for 10 minutes before realizing anything else has been said.

“I said you probably shouldn’t go on a trip so close to your interview,” my brows push together in a scowl.

“The interview is in Springfield.” again the curious look on her face is directed at me.

“Why would they fly you to Springfield for an Executive Assistant’s job downtown?” I say, I've got her attention as I set the cup of coffee down on the coaster. I grab the dishrag to wipe the newly spilled coffee on the tiled floors hoping the white grout doesn't stain.

“What job downtown?”

“The one Helen set up for you. It’s in two weeks. The 15th at 9:00 am? Brownside Industries?” Tammy's look of bewilderment is priceless. 'Two and two' just made four. Her eyes widen.

“I have an interview on the 15th at 10:00 am, but it’s not with that company.”

“Oh… you should probably talk to Helen then.” I'm chuckling, as much as I want to pick up the mug of coffee I think the floor and counter have had their fill, I haven't had a sip yet.

Tammy's on autopilot. She walks the barstool lifts the purse from the seat and puts it on the bar. I recognize my purse immediately. I don’t think she does. She pulls out my phone. “I think I remember asking her to help get me a job lined up if my plans fell through.” I'm about to mention her mistake when, the phone, MY phone rings…

Tammy answers still distracted, "Hello?" She realizes then it's my phone she picked up. “Oh! Hi, mom!” At the word "Mom", coffee or not, I'm pulled out of my morning malaise, and my arms start flailing. Tammy reacts to my arm gestures with a burst of muffled laughter. I’m mouthing the words “I’m not here.”

“Tim? Oh, I haven’t seen him all day.” She grins, “What’s up?” Tammy lowers the phone and puts it on speakerphone.

“Why are you answering his phone then?” The tin-y speaker of my phone projects the voice of our mom into the room. “Oh... Nevermind... Sweetheart, I’ve got some amazing news for you! I’ve got you that interview at Grant Systems. The 15th at 1:30. It’s really important you make a good impression. I’m counting on you, sweetheart.”

“But Mom! I have…”

“Whatever your plans, you are going to cancel them... Right? I’m sure you would do your best to make sure that the interview goes well. I had to pull a few strings to get the interview for you to be Allyson Grant’s assistant. Anyway, I have to find your brother, but now I know why he isn't answering his phone. Would you be a dear and bring it by when you get the chance? Love you!” The call ends.

My jaw drops as I heard Allyson Grant's name. Gathering myself, I say, “Mom got you an interview to be Allyson Grant’s Assistant?”

“Great! Just one more I have to figure out… Who’s Allyson Grant?” Her fingers lacing each other at the crown of her head worried about the third interview. My phone is perched precariously between her thumb and index finger on top of her head. I hold my hand out, palms up, fingers splayed while looking at her over the top of my glasses. She realizes I want my phone back. I must look ridiculous because she bursts into a giggle at my seated pose. "Sorry about that! You know your purse looks an awful lot like mine."

I'm seeing red now. "You can't tell a fake Louis from a real one?" my voice now an octave higher. She's laughing now. "No dear, brother, I don't know which is more disturbing, that YOU can tell the difference or that you PAID for a REAL one." I shake my head, palm to forehead. The blonde strands fall forward and dancing with the movement of my head. It only makes her laugh even more.

I calm down, “I’ve been trying to get an interview with Grant Systems for over a year, and mom just makes a few phone calls and boom! You’ve got an interview with the owner of the company.” I say in utter disbelief.

“What’s so special about Grant Systems?”

“I knew mom hated me! She must have put in a word for YOU just to piss ME off! She knew I was looking for a position there.”

“What’s so special about Grant Systems?” she repeats.

“They’re pioneers in Wearable Technology!”

“So?”

“She got YOU an interview there, and YOU don't even know what they do? GOD! MOM must really hate me!”

Helen opens the front door carrying three bags of groceries. "a little help, please!" I rush over to steady the bags. Pulling two away from Helen. I carry the bags to the kitchen counter.

“Hey! Tim Tam! What's going on my sweets.”

Both of us are giving her the evil eye… Unlike the snack treat, the joke is getting stale.

“I’ve got great news for you! Or did your brother already spill the beans?” Helen says with a smile so bright that it could be seen from orbit.

“Oh! She’s got bigger news… She’s got three interviews for the same day!” I chuckle, jealousy still seething through me.