Imagine that you are enjoying a warm summer afternoon on your back porch. Your mother is at work and your father is out of the picture. Your best friend, Aimee, has left town on a plane to visit relatives and your mutual best friend, Kim, has gone to an isolated, disconnected cabin with her family and wont be back for three weeks. Aimee calls while waiting at Baggage Claim and clearly has something on her mind that's bothering her. You offer to talk to her, but she tells you that it's girl talk and she wishes that she could talk to Kim. What do you do?

LEND ME YOUR EARS

FRIDAY

It was a lot to ask of Anna. Andrew knew it as soon as the idea crossed his mind. He reclined on his screened-in back porch, listening to his favorite music on his iPhone that lazy, summer afternoon. The beat seduced him, making him subtly bop his head as it drowned out his troubles. Sipping his lemonade, he watched the butterflies flirt with the rosebushes at the edge of the backyard lawn. His white Adirondack chair, with its vertically striped cushions, was almost comfortable enough to make him sleepy - until his favorite song was interrupted by a phone call. Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” was interrupted by Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” as his iPhone announced that his best friend, Aimee, was calling. Smiling, he hit the green Accept button.

“Aimee! Are you there yet?”

“Well, we made it to the baggage claim, but it’s taking forever, so of course I stepped away to call you.” she chuckled half-heartedly. “How are you doing today?”

“I’m good - I’m just chilling on the back porch,” he shrugged.

“Good. Is everything… okay?” she queried, sounding a bit nervous.

“Yeah, everything’s fine, really.” He assured.

Aimee sighed, continuing, “Good, I’m glad.”

“Hey, you sound kind of upset. Do you want to talk about it?” he sat alert with a serious expression.

“Yeah, I do, but… i-it’s girl talk,” she mumbled. “I really wish I could talk to Kim, but they’ve gone to that damned cabin in the middle of nowhere. I can’t believe it doesn’t even have a landline!”

“Yeah, some people like it rough, I guess. I miss Kim, too,” Andrew sagged, reminded of his other best friend.

“And she won’t be back for three weeks!” Aimee complained.

“Well, you’re visiting relatives down there, right? Any female aunts or cousins you could talk to?” Andrew offered.

“My cousins are both girls, but they’re eight and ten and I’m fifteen. I can’t exactly bring this to them. If anything, they should bring their problems to me,” she tittered. “My aunt is great and I can usually talk to her - and my mom, but… not about this. I-it’s about someone else and… I’m not sure that person would feel comfortable with me bringing it up, even to him.”

“Huh. That’s a hard spot to be in.” Andrew sighed, wondering who Aimee was talking about. “I wish I were a girl so you’d have someone to talk to,” he lamented - and that was when he got the idea, making him stare across the backyard at nothing as it hit him: Hey, she could talk to Anna. I-it would have to be over the phone, but it could still help! It would be good for Anna, too - she needs friends, even if she’s not up to seeing anyone.

“Oh, Andrew, you kill me,” Aimee flirted as she giggled, bringing Andrew back to the conversation.

“Who me?” he chuckled. “Seriously, though. I do know a girl you could talk to,” he murmured. The budding idea in his mind made him feel elated to be able to help Aimee and Anna at the same time, yet petrified of the potential pitfalls.

“Really?” Aimee sounded perked up on the surface, yet she betrayed discomfort by pausing and asking timidly, “Who is she?”

Huh? She sounds kind of jealous. He sat up, wondering at her behavior before deflating back in his chair. Nah! I’m sure she’s just nervous about one of her two best friends getting busy with a relationship, that’s all. Well, I’d better answer her.

“Uh, her name is Anna,” he began. The silence on the line indicated that Aimee was listening intently, wanting to know more. So he indulged her. “She studies piano with the same teacher as I do, and, uh… I-I met her about a year ago at one of the recitals, where all of the students perform for their friends and family.” Andrew explained.

“Why don’t you ever invite your friends to these recitals? I’d love to hear you play,” Aimee probed.

“Alright, I’ll invite you to the next one. I think it’s next month,” he smiled.

“I’ll be glad to come,” she responded eagerly. Pausing as though containing herself, she continued. “So, uh… do you know when Anna is available, by any chance?”

“Um, let me ask,” he shrugged.

“Okay! Thanks!”

Andrew stared at his phone for a few seconds, before returning it to his ear. “Well, she’s busy today, but she could call you later tonight. Is nine o’clock too late?”

“Actually, nine is good, because I would prefer some privacy from my mother and she doesn’t usually bother me that late,” Aimee enthused.

“Alright, then. I’ll pass along your number and tell her you’re expecting her call.”

“Thanks, Andrew! You’re swell!” she flirted.

“Aww, you’re welcome.” Andrew smiled.

“I’m glad she’s available so soon!” Aimee sighed.

“Yeah, me, too. I can tell that you need to talk to someone,” he responded. Well, if Anna is the one to talk to Aimee about her troubles, maybe I can at least make her laugh and cheer her up. “Hey, have you seen the picture going around the Internet of Patrick Stewart in drag?” He chuckled, winning a giggle from Aimee.

“No! Are you making that up?” she gushed.

“No, I saw it on Facebook just today!” Then, imitating one of the actor’s most famous roles from a Star Trek series, he joked, with a British accent, “You have the bridge, Number One. I shall be in holodeck four with Madonna.”

They shared a laugh at the humor and Andrew sensed that Aimee was cheered. He also felt what he could swear was chemistry. And I have no idea what to do, he bemoaned. “Okay, Aimee, I should get some chores done before my mother comes home.”

“Okay, Andrew. Thanks for everything. You’re really… a true friend.”

Yup, that’s me, a proud resident of the State of Friend Zone. Gawd!

“Let me know how it goes with Anna!” he suggested.

“I will.”

Katy Perry returned to Andrew’s ears as he hung up his iPhone, settling back in his groaning Adirondack chair. The clock on his iPhone’s screen indicated that he should change his clothes before his mother returned from work. Tucking a shoulder-length lock of straight, golden-brown hair behind his ear, he sipped his lemonade and smiled at the lip gloss on the straw. Looking down at his lavender camisole, silver rose pendant, denim skirt, and black, canvas Mary Janes, his smile fading, he warned himself: Anna, I hope you know what you’re doing.

#

Peering out of his bedroom, Andrew had a good view down the darkened, cream-colored hall. Light leaked around his mother’s closed bedroom door, but a moment later, it winked out. The hallway was lit only by the moon shining through the skylight above. Andrew withdrew into his bedroom and closed the door, confident that his mother was asleep. Turning around, he perused his room with its cerulean blue paint, matching quilt, clear-varnished oak furniture, cream carpet, and posters of foreign cities. It was a boy’s room, but its masculinity was, at least, tempered - and it was a safe place for Anna to show her face.

Smiling, Andrew went to his desk, opened the bottom drawer, and pulled out the outfit he’d been wearing on the back porch. After a quick change, Anna was back. Fighting off a fresh wave of frustration that she had to live in a closet, she folded Andrew’s clothes, dropped them on her desk chair and walked over to the bed, where she glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. It was 9:03 pm. Next to the clock was Andrew’s iPhone, but she hesitated to pick it up. If I use that phone, Aimee will know it’s me. I can’t face coming out to her. Ignoring the iPhone, she slid open the drawer in her nightstand and pulled out her Motorola, a cheap prepaid phone that Andrew had bought her a year earlier when she started ordering clothes and other female products from online merchants demanding a phone number.

Sighing, she stared at the Motorola’s colorful screen, as she dialed Aimee’s number. Then, laying down on the bed, tending to her skirt and her loose hair, she held the phone to her ear and waited for Aimee to pick up. All at once, she realized that Aimee would recognize Andrew’s voice! Shit! I wonder if Anna’s voice is convincing enough yet? Oh God, I’m going to have to find out! She had been practicing a higher, softer voice ever since she got the Motorola, in case she needed to speak to a merchant over the phone - but she had yet to test it. I hope this works!

“Hello?” Aimee answered.

“Hi, is this Aimee?” Anna inquired in her feminine voice.

“Yes. Is that you, Anna?” Aimee sounded nervous.

“Yeah, it’s me,” she smiled. “How are you doing? Are you okay?”

“I’m alright. I’ve just got something on my mind and my best girl friend is away at her family’s cabin in the middle of nowhere with no landline, no Internet and zero cell phone reception. My other best friend is Andrew and he’s really great, and I trust him with my life, but… in this case, I would rather discuss my feelings with another girl, you know?”

“Yeah, of course. So tell me all about it.” Anna invited, running a hand through her hair.

“Well, I really want to, but… I need to think about what to reveal and what not to.” Aimee hedged. “When I’m talking to a long-time friend, I know their boundaries and sensibilities, and I know what I can talk about, right? But I’ve only just met you, so… I really should be more careful, you know?”

“Okay. Fair enough,” Anna assured. “Do you want to just chat for a while, then?”

“Yeah, do you mind?” Aimee sounded grateful.

“Not at all,” Anna smiled.

They spent several minutes bonding over favorite movies, before the talk turned to silver screen stars. From there, it drifted to music celebrities, favorite songs, music in general, and Anna’s piano lessons. Anna was talking about how much she liked the teacher, careful not to sound like Andrew, when Aimee blurted, “So how long have you known Andrew?”

“About a year,” Anna explained.

With unconvincing nonchalance Aimee inquired, “That’s cool. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No, I’m currently single. You?” Anna puzzled over the direction the conversation was taking.

“I’m single, too,” she murmured, sounding tense. “Do you… you know, do you… l-like Andrew… that way?”

“No, I like girls.” Anna assured, her face pensive. Aimee? What’s going on?

“Oh, okay.” Aimee seemed to relax at that - just before her younger cousins interrupted the conversation. “Damn. Hey, Anna, I have to go. But thank you so much for calling. Can I call you tomorrow? Same time?”

“Of course you can,” Anna smiled. “Is my number showing on your screen?”

“Yeah, it’s in my Recent Calls list.”

“Okay then. Talk to you tomorrow. Night night!”

“Goodnight!”

With that, they hung up, leaving Anna’s mind swimming in questions and hoping that talking to Aimee had been the right thing to do. For several seconds, she stared at her phone, wondering what was going on, before she returned it to the night stand, lay back on her bed, and gazed at the ceiling.

#

Anna was lost in thought when Andrew’s iPhone rang, playing Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” This ought to be interesting. Snatching up Andrew’s phone, she answered with a smile - and Andrew’s voice.

“Hey, Aimee! Did you talk to her?”

“Yeah, I did. It was a big help.”

Thank God - I wasn’t too sure a few minutes ago.

“Were you able to talk it out?”

“Well, I wanted to, but I really should think about what to share and what not to. It’s about a friend and… I don’t know,” Aimee tittered. “I’m just worried about him and I want to help him, but… I-I can’t say any more because I don’t even know if he wants me to know,” she fretted.

“Well, it’s probably safe to talk about it as long as nobody knows that it’s him you’re talking about,” Andrew assured.

Sighing, Aimee murmured, “You might be right. I’ll have to think about it.”

“Okay. Well, I’m glad Anna’s helping you out,” Andrew smiled.

“Me, too. Thanks again for hooking us up.”

“You’re very welcome. Good night.”

“Sweet dreams.”

Rolling on her side, Anna put Andrew’s iPhone back on the nightstand and stared at it, tucking her hands beneath her face. So far so good.

SATURDAY

Andrew’s body was tensioned like a guy wire with the desire to release Anna and talk to Aimee. He lay on his bed, glancing at his clock, waiting for his mother to go to bed. She was home all day on the weekends, which was nice in many ways, but it meant that Anna had to stay hidden. Andrew spent his weekends trying to smile and convince his mother that he was okay. When she went to sleep, the night belonged to Anna.

Hoisting himself up from his bed, he tiptoed to his door to see if his mother was still awake. When he stuck his head out of his bedroom, he found that the rest of the house was dark. Closing his bedroom door, he rushed to the bed, raised the cerulean bed skirt and slid a black, plastic storage container out from under his bed. Removing the lid, he pulled out a fresh pair of white, nylon panties, a matching bra, and a pair of A-cup foam breast forms. He exchanged his clothes for the lingerie, slipped the breast forms into the bra, snapped the lid back onto the storage container and shoved it back under the bed.

Next, he dropped his boy clothes on his desk chair and headed for the open closet, where he shoved his male wardrobe out of the way to access Anna’s garment bag. With a sigh, he zipped it open and looked at its scanty contents. Pushing out of his mind the daydreams of the beautiful clothes that he wished could fill his closet, he picked out a pair of girls’ jeans and a pale coral t-shirt. As soon as he had them out of the garment bag, he put them right on, following them with the Mary Janes. Knowing that it was almost time to talk to Aimee, and it was night time anyway, Anna skipped her makeup, but she did retrieve her silver necklace from her desk, wishing she had more jewelry.

At the stroke of nine, Anna’s phone rang, and the display showed that Aimee was calling. Flopping down on the bed, Anna answered with a smile.

“Hi, Aimee. How are you?”

“I’m alright,” she assessed, before bantering about her cousins and their antics until her chatter stalled. Anna had a feeling that she was still deliberating about what to say and how much.

“How’s your friend doing?” Anna ventured, her brow furrowing as she pulled her hair from beneath her shoulders with one hand.

“He seems okay, but… shit. I would really like to talk about what’s on my mind. It’s just… it’s something pretty big about him, and… I’m just not sure it’s my place to bring it up,” Aimee sighed.

“That sounds like some serious business you’re thinking of,” Anna sympathized, resting her knuckle against her lips.

“Yeah… I might be able to discuss it to an extent… i-if I don’t mention a name, of course,” Aimee hazarded.

“That sounds pretty safe when you’re ready,” Anna encouraged, raising her brows and nodding.

“Well, let me think about it one more night,” Aimee decided.

“Okay. Take your time. There’s no rush,” Anna assured her, rolling on her side.

“Thanks.” Aimee took a breath before blurting, “Have you ever been in love with someone who hasn’t figured out who they are yet?”

Anna propped her head up on one hand, her elbow on the bed. Well now. Is she in love? I wonder who she’s talking about. She has a lot of friends at school. She frowned as her heart rate accelerated. I really hope she’s not in love with someone else. Oh, geez! I’d better answer her! She rolled her eyes, gently shaking her head.

“As a matter of fact, I am in love with one of my friends, and I don’t know who she wants… though she seems to like boys, damn it.” Anna sighed. “Sometimes, I could swear I’m getting a vibe that she likes me, but then she’ll look away and stare at some guy.”

Aimee uttered a soft groan. “I catch myself doing that around my friend - only, I don’t ever want the boys I’m looking at. It’s just… I’m kind of afraid of looking my friend in the eye too long and hard, you know? I really don’t want to make things awkward.”

“Well, depending on what your friend is like, you could easily be right to do that. Everyone’s different.” Anna shrugged, returning her head to her pillow.

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, Anna! You’re a help. I’m glad I can talk to you,” Aimee smiled through the phone.

“Well, it’s my pleasure!” Anna grinned.

“Alright, well, my mother is trying to get my attention, so let me think about things for one more night and I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Sure!”

“Same time?”

“Same time!”

#

Replacing her cell phone in her nightstand, Anna lay back and stared at the ceiling, listening to the thoughts playing in her mind. What’s going on with Aimee’s friend? Why is she so worried about him? From there, Anna’s curiosity turned to doubt. I wonder if I should be talking to Aimee like this. She has been talking to a girl, as advertised, but… if she’s about to share something very private about a friend… am I taking this too far? I don’t think she would put a name to her friend… but even then… how would Aimee feel if she found out that Andrew is Anna? Would she think I tricked her? Jesus, I hope not! Sighing, Anna decided that if things started to go too far, she would have to come clean to Aimee. If it came to that, Anna would simply have to invent a family emergency to keep her unavailable until Monday, when Aimee would be home and she could come clean to her face-to-face. Satisfied with her backup plan, she stood and prepared for bed.

SUNDAY

Freshly released from the closet, Anna lounged on her bed in a pale teal t-shirt, jeans, and her silver flower pendant. She was adrift on a sea of thoughts about the previous night’s conversation, wondering if there was something that Aimee hadn’t told her. As if to answer that question, her Motorola phone rang, telling her that Aimee was calling. Anna picked up and greeted her, hoping she was feeling better.

“Have you ever had a gay friend?” Aimee fired.

Anna sat up on her bed, wondering if that was what was going on with Aimee’s mystery boy. “At this point, a lot of people have. Is your friend gay, the one you’re worried about?”

“I think he is, but doesn’t know it yet… and I think he’s dealing with it alone,” she fretted.

“Really?! What indications have you noticed that he might be gay?” Anna wondered aloud.

“Well, he has feminine mannerisms… and he doesn’t look around at other girls… and some of his jokes make me wonder,” Aimee listed.

Jokes? Anna’s free hand covered the mouthpiece of her phone. Didn’t I crack a joke about Patrick Stewart in drag the other night? Wait a minute! I’m being stupid! That was just a picture going around the Internet. I’m sure her friend probably jokes about… Ted Cruz kissing Donald Trump or something! Yeah, that makes a lot more sense!

“Does he look at other boys?” Anna inquired, her face pensive.

“Well, no,” Aimee admitted.

So who does he look at, then?? Anna held out her free hand, palm up. Oh, shit. Anna’s posture deflated. He looks at Aimee, doesn’t he?

“I’ve considered asking him if he’s gay,” Aimee continued, “but I can see how that might not be a good idea.”

“Yeah, that might not be wise,” Anna agreed, her eyes wide. “If he is gay and you ask about it, then he might worry that, if one person has figured it out, others will, too. He might be left feeling that he has no control over how it comes out or who knows, and that could be really stressful. Do you know what I mean? Just… let him tell you on his own time.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Aimee concurred.

“Just let him know that he can tell you anything, and you mean anything, and you’ll be his friend no matter what. Just put that out there so he knows he can talk to you when he’s ready,” Anna suggested, “and if he still doesn’t come out, you shouldn’t take it as a sign that-”

“Would it be totally pathetic for me to be in love with him?” she tittered.

“Are you in love with him?” Anna inquired softly, staring into space, biting her lip, her free hand fingering her earlobe.

“Hopelessly,” she quavered, sounding teary.

Anna’s own emotions swelled as she realized that Aimee was in love with someone else - someone who, apparently, only cared for her. Well, he probably likes her the way she’s hoping. I have to tell her. If I don’t, I’m a selfish asshole! Hesitant as she was, she opened her mouth to speak - but another thought silenced her: Wait a second! What if he’s asexual and he doesn’t look at anyone? I mean, Aimee would know if he had eyes for her, wouldn’t she? Guys do tend to be fairly obvious when they like a girl. Yes, of course, he must be asexual! Well, say something, anything; she needs support. Forcing herself to speak, Anna replied, “Well, you’re not pathetic for feeling that way about him. It just means that you prefer a gentle boyfriend, that’s all,” she shrugged. “Anyway, if you’re right about him, then he’ll come out to you sooner or later; he just needs to find the strength.” Anna pointed out. Well, that's great, but she needs to know - and I have no idea what to tell her.

“I know.” Aimee murmured sadly.

“Awww, Aimee,” Anna paused to select her next words with caution, “we don’t know anything with certainty yet, and there’s more than one possibility still on the table, right? Who knows?”

“Yeah, maybe. Thanks, Anna. You’re such a help,” Aimee sighed, sounding half-cheered.

“My pleasure, as always,” Anna smiled weakly, trying not to think about Aimee being in love with someone else.

“You know what? I got back in town this afternoon. Why don’t we get together tomorrow?” Aimee invited.

Anna clapped a hand over her mouth as she silently panicked. Oh no! This was only supposed to be over the phone! What do I do now?

“That sounds fun!” Anna tried to enthuse. “Where should we meet?” She swallowed, her mouth going dry. Shit!! This is never going to work!! What do I do??

“If you drink coffee, we could meet at the little coffee shop on Main Street?” Aimee suggested.

Anna’s mind threatened to implode, but she knew it would arouse suspicion if she hesitated.

“Sounds great! What time?” She accepted, biting her knuckle.

“How’s noon?” Aimee suggested.

“Noon is p-perfect!” Anna gripped a fistful of hair, her eyes bulging.

“Okay! I’ll see you then!”

“See you then!”

After they hung up, Anna fell backward against her pillow, staring at the ceiling. Oh, my god! This just went too far. We weren’t supposed to meet - and besides, it’s starting to hurt too much, knowing that Aimee’s in love with someone else - who could be in love with her - if he isn’t asexual. Her eyes began to sting. What was I thinking anyway? Oh, yeah. I was thinking that I wish I’d been born a girl in the fucking first place! Anna rolled over, put her phone down and covered her face with her hands. This isn’t right. I have to come clean. How do I do that? she wondered, clutching her hands against her chest and staring at her cell phones.

#

Anna pushed the heels of her palms against her eye sockets as worried thoughts spun around in her head like ice cubes in a blender. Aimee expects to see Anna in public! Anna may well have to show herself! The good news is that it’s not logistically difficult to do that. The bad news is that I still can’t face coming out to Aimee! Shit!! Anna sighed deeply as she pondered her fate, pushing her hands beneath her pillow and closing her eyes. Well, at least it no longer matters if Aimee knows I’m transgender. She loves her mystery friend… who could be in love with her… the mystery friend who she has never even introduced to Andrew or Kim… the mystery friend who she’s only comfortable discussing with another girl. Anna scowled, taking a breath to calm herself and still her thoughts - only to hear Andrew’s cell phone ringing. Cyndi Lauper indicated that it was Aimee calling. Anna snatched up the phone and answered.

“Hey, Aimee. How are you?” Anna greeted in Andrew’s voice, subtly shaking her head. This is messed up!

“I’m okay. I was just talking to Anna. She’s really helpful, and uh, she made me feel better about some things,” Aimee reflected. “Andrew, I would love for Anna to become a close friend of ours. We should introduce her to Kim so she can become a part of our little group! What do you think?”

No problem. I’ll just throw myself out of the closet and hope to hell that you don’t hate my guts! For crying out loud! How the hell did I let this blow up in my face so badly? Oh, right, I offered to let Aimee speak to Anna. Big mistake!! She covered her eyes with her hand.

“Andrew? Are you okay?” She fretted.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Anna steadied herself.

“You would tell me if anything was wrong, right?” Aimee pressed.

“Of course I would,” Anna rubbed her forehead.

“You do know that you can tell me anything, and I do mean anything, and I will be your friend no matter what. You know that, right?” she assured.

Anna froze. What did you just say?? Stunned, she sat up, her hand covering her mouth. That’s what I told her to say to her mystery friend - oh, my GOD! Her hand moved to her heart. I’m her mystery friend!! She’s been talking about ME this whole time!! But that means… Anna’s skin prickled as she smiled. She's in love with ME!! Then her smile faded as reality backhanded her. No, she’s NOT! She’s in love with ANDREW!! Augh!! Shit!! I hate my life!! Anna flopped back onto her pillow.

“Andrew? You know that, right?” Aimee begged for a response.

“Yeah, I know that,” Anna assured. Okay, I really have to come clean to her! How do I do that? Sighing, she continued, “Aimee, I don’t want to keep anything from you… but I don’t want to do this over the phone, either, so…” If we’re doing this face-to-face, then we’d better do it here. “I need you to meet me here tomorrow at noon - and I need Anna to come, too,” he thought aloud, because this is more complicated than just coming out.

“Well, of course I’ll come! Let me just text Anna the change of plans. We were planning to get together tomorrow, but I’m sure she won’t mind; this is important,” Aimee prattled. “While I’m at it, I may as well let her know you need her to come. Does she have your address? Well, I’ll just stick it in the text.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Anna rolled over to grab her Motorola and make sure it was silenced. When Aimee’s message came, giving Anna her own address, she rolled her eyes before replying that she’d be happy to stop by Andrew’s place and she would come straight there.

“Okay, it’s all set. We’ll be there.” Aimee paused. “Hey Andrew, uh… I know it’s only been three days, but… I’ve missed you, you know,” Aimee revealed.

“I’ve missed you, too,” Anna admitted, her heart swelling with a toxic mixture of love for Aimee and fear that she would sever all ties when she realized who she’d been talking to.

Aimee paused before breathing, “Good night, Andrew.”

“Good night, Aimee.”

Sighing heavily, Anna stared into the universe, hoping her life wasn’t going to fall apart.

MONDAY

Andrew dragged himself to his bedroom after his shower, closing the door, yawning from a poor night’s sleep. Ready to get dressed, he headed to his dresser, slid open his drawer to grab a pair of jockey shorts… and paused. Mom’s at work already. I really don’t need to be Andrew today - and anyway, Aimee’s meeting Anna at noon, he shuddered. It scares me even to think about that, but I would still rather be myself - and I’m not about to miss an opportunity! Screw Andrew! With that, he slammed his dresser drawer and walked over to his bed, dragging the plastic storage container out from under the bedskirt. Pulling out a fresh set of lingerie and his breast forms, he slipped them on, reached under his bed for his white, canvas Mary Janes and strapped them on his feet. He stowed the storage container under the bed and went across to his closet. Unzipping Anna’s garment bag, he selected the only remaining item of fresh clothing: a tank sundress with a form-fitting waist and a floral pattern in shades of blue and white. The sight of it brought a smile as he took it off the hanger and slipped it on, zipping the garment bag closed and returning it to its place.

Eager to complete the transformation, he crossed the room to his center desk drawer to fish out the silver necklace and put it around his neck. Then he pulled out a pair of small, white hair claws, a tube of lip gloss, another of brown mascara, and a brown eyeliner pencil. Sliding the drawer closed, he moved to the full-length mirror on the back of his door. Resting the makeup on the nearby dresser, he pulled his hair back on each side with a hair claw. Next, he applied the mascara, flinching as the wand brushed against his lashes. He stretched one lid to add the eyeliner and repeated the process with the other. Finally, he applied a coat of gloss onto his lips, welcoming Anna back into the world with a smile. Taking a deeply satisfied breath, and pushing away the familiar worried thoughts about puberty taking away what she saw in the mirror, she put her makeup back in her desk. In need of distraction from her troubles, she headed to the kitchen to have some breakfast and read the funnies.

Yet, between the laughs, her stubborn mind preoccupied itself with her predicament. She folded the newspaper and sighed. I can’t believe I’ve trapped myself into to coming out to Aimee! Shit. I don’t know if I can do this. Maybe Andrew should be the one to greet Amy when she comes. Yeah, that would be better. Glancing at the kitchen clock, she saw it was half past eleven. Clearing away her dishes, Anna hurried upstairs to change her clothes.

She was returning her hair to Andrew’s ponytail when she realized that it wouldn’t work to be Andrew when Aimee arrived. She would never believe that I’m Anna. Knowing Aimee, she would insist that, after three phone conversations, she would have recognized Andrew’s voice, even disguised. I have to show her that I’m Anna. Besides, it’s really important for Aimee to be able to believe that she has been talking to a girl this whole time!

Sighing, she transformed back into Anna. As her mind became swept up in turmoil, conflicting thoughts warred in her head:

No, Andrew is the way to go! I’ll be more relaxed!
No, definitely Anna! She has to come out!
No, Anna would be too shocking at first sight!
No, I have to be Anna! This is more complicated than just coming out!
No, wait! She loves Andrew!

But before she could change again, she froze with a sudden realization. Oh, my god, I’m still wearing makeup! What time is it? Dashing to her nightstand, she glanced at her clock and found that it was 12:01 pm. Well, that settles it! I’m out of time. Anna will have to answer the door. Checking herself in the mirror one last time, Anna took a deep breath and told herself that everything would turn out okay.

#

Knowing Aimee would be there any second, Anna headed down the hall, searching her mind for the best way to introduce herself to Aimee. As she reached the top of the front stairs, she got an idea. She rushed down the hardwood stairs to her front door, unlocked it, and hustled back upstairs, just out of sight from the foyer. Waiting for Aimee, she stood there, panting, becoming steadily more nervous about facing Aimee. She forced herself to take several deep breaths and focus. Seconds after she calmed herself to functional levels, the doorbell rang. I hope this works! Swallowing, she called, “C-come on in! I-It’s open!” Closing her eyes, she braced herself as Aimee let herself in.

“Hi, I’m here!” she announced, her pleasant voice belying her concern for her friend.

“Hi! We’re coming down!” Anna uttered in Andrew’s voice, before descending the stairs, more nervous than she had ever been. Keeping a neutral face, she approached Aimee where she stood on the oriental rug, staring at Anna with wide eyes and a silly smile. She wore white sneakers with white ankle socks, white shorts, and a turquoise camisole, her long, blond hair in a high pony tail.

“Hi, Aimee. I’m Anna,” she made herself smile.

“Hi! It’s so nice to see you!” Aimee threw her arms around her before pulling back, her blue eyes gazing at Anna before abruptly clearing. “Hey, where’s Andrew!” she giggled, releasing the hug. “Andrew! Come down here!” she called, cupping her hands around her mouth.

“I’m already here,” Anna rasped in Andrew’s voice, biting her lip, fearful of what might happen. Aimee whipped around to stare at Anna.
“Andrew??” Her eyes grew wide in shock as she recognized him. “What the… what the hell is going on??” she stammered, her voice faltering as she processed what she saw. “You’re Anna??” she hollered. “Why didn’t you tell me??” She demanded.

“Aimee, I want-”

“Why didn’t you tell me???” She shouted, running out the door and slamming it behind her.

“Oh no!!!” Anna’s heart palpitated, her eyes watering as she turned and ran to grab her keys.

#

Locking her front door behind her, Anna dropped her keys into the small purse she’d bought for the walk outside that she hadn’t found the nerve to take - until now. Desperate to find Aimee, she ran down the front path and out the front gate to the sidewalk, looking both ways. Aimee was nowhere to be seen. Fighting the tempest inside of her, she thought about what to do. If I go to Aimee’s house, she might not be there. There are a few haunts I could check, but if she did go home, I would be wasting my time. Besides, she might just be walking around aimlessly. Well, she has to come home sometime. If she’s not there now, I’ll wait outside her house. I don’t know what else to do. She turned for Aimee’s house and ran toward it.

#

Aimee’s house was a light-gray, Craftsman home with white columns along the front porch. Anna ran through the white, picket, front gate, barreling up the walk, bounding up the three steps, launching herself at the front door, and stabbing her finger at the doorbell.

“Aimee?” she panted, banging on the front door. “Aimee? Are you here? Please talk to me!” Anna cupped her hands around her eyes as she peered in the vertical window next to the door, only to see nobody. Anna’s emotions burst to the surface, running down her face, venting the horrid feeling of helplessness that made her feel like a rag doll in a vice. Catching her breath, she collapsed onto a white bench near the door to collect her thoughts while she opened her purse. Fortunately, she had stocked it with supplies because she had expected to be too nervous to remember them when she finally left the house as a girl. Retrieving the packet of tissues she had included, she wiped her tears, blew her nose and put the tissues away. Meanwhile, her mind stayed with Aimee. Where could she be? She’s out there alone and it’s all my fault! She reconsidered checking Aimee’s favorite places, but realized that Aimee might run at the sight of her - or call her Andrew in public - and what if she returned home while Anna was searching for her? She would not be inclined to open the door when Anna returned. She could only sit there and wait.

As she brooded, one minute burning into the next, hindsight revealed her mistakes. I should have been dressed as Andrew when she came to my house. I should have come out to her before I did anything else. Then, I should have told her that, when I’m being myself, I call myself Anna. That’s when I should have told her she’d been talking to the real me. God, I messed up! Her eyes watered again. I hope Aimee’s okay. I feel so powerless!

“Um… excuse me,” a familiar voice interrupted as it came up the steps onto the porch. Anna looked up to see who it was and shot to her feet when she saw — “Kim!! You’re here!! Thank God!! I really need you!!” Anna dashed over to her. Kim was a full head taller than Anna. She wore denim jeans and a rosy pink t-shirt. Her long, straight, light brown hair hung loose, her blue eyes puzzled at the stranger calling her by name and rushing toward her.

“I-I’m sorry. Do I know you?” she ventured. That was when recognition hit her like a bat smacking a piñata. “Oh, my God! Andrew, is that you?” she gasped.

Anna bit her lip as she trembled. “Yes, it’s me.”

“W-why are you… d-dressed as a girl?” Kim gently inquired.

“Because I am a girl,” Anna sobbed, her face crumpling. To Anna’s surprise, Kim embraced her. “Oh, Kim, I did something so stupid!” She cried on Kim’s shoulder. “I accidentally hurt Aimee while I was trying to help her!”

“Oh no! Tell me what happened so we can figure out what to do next. Here, let’s sit down,” Kim guided her to the bench, listening carefully as Anna explained what had happened and how Aimee had fled. Kim nodded and rubbed Anna’s shoulder.

“She’s out there on her own because of me. Can you please call her? I know she’d pick up for you. Then we’ll know she’s safe,” Anna pleaded.
“I think that’s a very good idea,” Kim agreed, grabbing her phone from her bag and dialing Aimee. Holding her phone to her ear, she listened for several seconds. “Damn, I’m just getting her voicemail.” Kim sighed, hanging up. “Well, I think I’d better text her in case she doesn’t check her voice messages. At least, a text will display on her screen.” Tapping away, Kim sent a message.

Kim Broderick: Home late last night. Met Anna. Worried about you. Call me!! xo

“We’ll have to hope she responds,” Kim murmured, sagging and putting her phone back in her purse.

Anna bit her lip, dismayed that Kim hadn’t reached Aimee. “God, I hope she does. I really screwed up,” she lamented, dropping her head and pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Why, because you didn't come right out and tell her about you? I’m sure every transgender girl takes a while to reveal who she is. It’s got to be really hard to be transgender because of all of the hate and rejection. Besides, it was really kind to share this part of you for the sake of helping her out - especially if you weren’t ready to. Your only mistake - and we’re talking about a mistake here, not some evil deed - was that you didn’t come out to her first.”

“I know I should have, but I was too scared to.” Anna blurted. “I guess I was hoping I could limit my girl talk with Aimee to the phone. I mean, I haven’t even told my mother yet!” Anna gasped, paling at the thought.

“Well, I kind of understand where you’re coming from. It’s not an enviable position, that’s for sure,” Anna’s eyes gently widened, her head nodding.

“You’ve got that right,” Anna stared into the distance, looking for Aimee. “God, where is she? Do you think she’s just wandering around, not paying much attention to where she’s going?” Anna worried.

“Hmmm. Yeah, that sounds like her,” Kim murmured, trailing off. With no further steps to be taken, and no bright ideas occurring, they sat in silence, marinating in their worry, scanning the street for any glimpse of Aimee. After a couple of minutes, Anna broke the stillness.

“By the way… what miracle brought you home early?” she turned to Kim, trying to smile.

“Well, unfortunately, there’s a wildfire up near the cabin and we had to evacuate. We could see the glow beyond the hills at night, and by late yesterday afternoon, the winds had shifted and it was getting smoky outside. We decided we could risk being trapped by the fire, or we could come home early - and that is a textbook ‘no-brainer’,” she chuckled darkly. “Anyway, we crammed what we could into the car and on the roof, in case the cabin burned. Then I fell asleep in the car on the way home, my cell phone battery was dead when I woke up, so I couldn’t call you guys to let you know I was coming, and we didn’t get home until midnight last night. Then, today, I thought I’d surprise you both, only Andrew wasn’t home and, uh… you surprised me,” she giggled, marveling at Anna’s appearance. “You make a very pretty girl, you know.”

“Thanks,” Anna blushed, smiling weakly. Kim’s purse chirped as her cellphone rang, making Anna gasp with hope. Snatching up her phone, Kim announced that Aimee was calling. Quickly answering, she held the phone to her ear.

“Aimee! I’m outside your house. We’ve been worried about you. Are you okay?” Kim glanced at Anna, indicating that Aimee was still upset. “I know. Anna told me what happened. She really is very worried about you.” Pause. “Aimee, there’s something about Anna that you don’t know and that you really need to hear, okay? Please come home?” Kim looked at Anna with a hopeful look. “Anna’s not here. Just me. Please come home and we’ll hang out, just you and me, okay?” Kim raised her eyebrows at Anna, silently asking if she would mind giving them privacy. Anna nodded her consent. “Okay, good. I’ll see you soon. Be safe.” Returning her phone to her purse, Kim looked over at Anna. “She’ll be here in ten minutes,” she sighed. “Anna… she’s not feeling up to seeing you right now. Please don’t take that as an indication of anything. I think she just needs to clear her head for a while.”

“Alright.” Anna stood and shouldered her purse, understanding Aimee’s needs. “You’ll call me, right? I need to know that she’s okay,” she stared at Kim, her eyes watering as they pled for mercy.

“I’ll call you,” Kim smiled.

“Okay. Thanks, Kim. For everything,” Anna tried to smile.

“That’s what friends are for,” Kim shrugged.

“Tell her I’m so sorry and I’m so glad she’s safe because if anything happened to her…” Anna wiped a tear from one eye, unable to finish.

“I will.” Kim assured.

“Okay. I guess I should go before she gets here. Talk to you later.” Anna hugged her friend, turned around and headed for home.

#

Anna hung her purse on her desk chair, relieved that Aimee was safe and hoping for a decent outcome. Aware that her makeup probably needed fixing, she pulled her makeup from her desk. She used the full-length mirror behind her door to assess the damage and make necessary repairs. Satisfied with her work, she put her makeup back and dropped into the chair with a sigh, fretting about what was happening at Aimee’s house. She took out Andrew’s phone and laid it on the desk in front of her. Staring at it, she perched her elbows to either side, crossed her arms and rested her head on her forearms. When she closed her eyes for a moment, she dozed until half an hour later, when the phone rang, startling her awake. Anna grabbed the phone and hastily answered.

“Kim? How’d it go?” she pressed, in Anna’s worried voice.

“Hey, Anna. Just so you know, we’re on speakerphone,” Kim warned.

“O-okay, that’s fine. It doesn’t matter. Ho-how is everything?” Anna pushed.

“So far so good,” Kim assessed, sounding positive.

For the first time since Aimee ran out of her house, Anna felt a fragile hope.

“Oh, thank God. Aimee, are you okay? Did I hurt you? Do you ever want to see my face again?” Anna prattled.

“Of course I do. Come over and see me,” Aimee invited, her voice carrying guilt… uncertainty… need. “Please? We really should talk.”

“There is nothing I would love more than to see you,” Anna croaked, choked up with fresh emotions.

“Good. See you in a few minutes?” Aimee double-checked.

“Yes. I’m coming,” Anna confirmed, clearing her throat, her hope growing stronger. “I’ll be right there.” She jumped up, reached for her purse, and slung it on her shoulder, turning for the door.

#

Aimee’s front door had never before hidden Anna’s future. She rang the bell, wondering what would be revealed when it was answered. Before she could compose herself, Kim opened the door.

“Hi, Anna,” she smiled. “Come inside.”

“Thanks, Kim.” Anna swallowed and crossed the threshold, her eager eyes looking for Aimee.

“Aimee’s in the living room,” Kim giggled, taking Anna by the hand and leading the way. The living room was painted in a dark mint green and the floors were pale hardwood, covered with a large, cream rug. Aimee sat on a cream couch against the left-hand wall with a nervous, yet broad smile on her face.

“Hi, Aimee. I am so, so glad that you’re safe,” Anna beamed, barely controlling her emotions as her eyes glistened.

“So am I,” she admitted, her face equally wrought up.

“As you said earlier, we should talk - but where do we start?” Anna looked over at Kim. “What have you revealed, if anything?”

“I haven’t revealed anything,” Kim smiled. “I insisted that you two should talk because it should come from you and there are probably some questions that I don’t have the answers to. We spent the time just giving Aimee a chance to clear her head and steady her nerves.”

“Okay.” Approaching Aimee like a shamed puppy, Anna requested, “May I sit down?”

Aimee sighed and patted the couch next to her, smiling in a dreamy manner. Anna gratefully accepted her invitation and sat, carefully tending to her dress and crossing her legs at her ankles, making Aimee’s eyebrows rise.

“By now, you must be wondering why I’m still dressed as a girl,” Anna began.

“As a matter of fact, I am,” she admitted, “But I have an idea.”

“You thought I was gay, and that was what I’ve been struggling with-”

“Yeah.”

“-but that wasn’t it. I’m transgender. I’m a girl, Aimee,” Anna confessed. “I may have a penis, but my brain and my heart were made for a girl.”

“So, then… you do like boys?” Aimee’s face clouded.

Shocked, Anna shook her head like a paint mixer. “No, no, no! I like girls!” She swallowed. “Just like I said over the phone!”

“Really?” Aimee smiled.

“Yes! Transgenderism is a matter of who you are, not who you love,” Anna clarified.

“Good,” Aimee sighing with relief, taking Anna’s hands.

“Remember, I said over the phone that I like girls?” Anna smiled, squeezing her hands with gentle affection.

“Yes. I do remember. I’m just fried right now,” Aimee shook her head, her brow wrinkling. “Anna, when you said that you knew a girl I could talk to,” Aimee glanced at their hands, “did you know already?” She returned her gaze to Anna’s eyes. “Or, were you still figuring it out?”

“I knew already,” Anna swallowed.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Aimee stared at her.

“I was too afraid to come out to anyone. But when you told me that you needed some girl talk… and Kim wasn’t expected back for three weeks… and I knew that I could give you that girl talk… I couldn’t resist.” Anna smiled.

“So, when you said that you wish you were a girl, you weren’t kidding.” Aimee flashed a coy grin.

“No! I totally meant that… and that was when I realized that you could talk to me.” Anna shrugged. “But I was afraid to come out. Terrified, actually. I haven’t even come out to my mother yet!” she rambled. “So, I arranged for us to talk over the phone,” she squeezed Aimee’s hands, “and I guess I thought it could stay that way,” Anna dropped her gaze. “It was stupid of me not to see that you would want to meet in person when you got back from your trip. On top of that, you started telling me about being in love with your mystery friend,” she caressed Aimee’s hands, “and I started to worry that you were opening up without truly knowing who you were talking to and you might start telling me things that I have no business knowing… but before I could decide whether to let it continue, I realized who you were talking about and I knew it had gone too far. I had really screwed up.” Anna released a deep sigh, lowering her gaze. “I just wanted to help someone I love,” she bemoaned, looking up at the sound of a sharp breath.

“Did you just say ‘love’?” Aimee gasped.

“Yes, I did.” Anna smiled. “Aimee, when you mentioned that, uh… that I don’t look around at other girls… or at boys… it was because I’m always looking at you.” Anna paused as Aimee’s eyes misted. “I love you, Aimee… for what that’s worth,” Anna’s mouth hung open for a moment, “if it’s worth anything at all, since, uh…” Anna’s gaze fell in her lap, “you’re in love with Andrew.”

“Well,“ Aimee tried, shrugging helplessly. “That was what I thought.”

Oh no! Don’t tell me her love has died! Anna sagged.

“I was taken by surprise when I first met you, Anna, because I am attracted to you - as much as I’m attracted to Andrew!” Aimee giggled, making Anna look up with hope. “And, I think that, deep down, I knew who I was looking at, even though it didn’t compute at the very beginning. But, deep down, I knew that it was you, and that you were dressed as a girl, and that I was still attracted. But when I consciously realized Andrew and Anna are the same person, a lot of things shot through my head. I wondered what it means that I’m just as attracted to you as I am to Andrew. Does it mean that I’m bisexual? Or does it mean that, deep down, I knew you were a girl and she was always the one I was attracted to? I still don’t know the answer to that - I only know that I’m attracted to you.

“Then, I wondered why you’d been hiding this from us for such a long time. I knew you were struggling, even if I misunderstood the nature of the struggle. I’ve seen that in you for more than a year. I wondered why you didn’t come to me, to either of us. I felt kind of hurt. On top of that, I knew I was looking at a girl - and, in my frazzled state of mind, I forgot that you had told me you like girls, so I figured you were probably attracted to boys - and I’m in love with you! Speaking of which, I was freaked out that I might have told you enough for you to figure that out. I didn’t want you to know that if you were attracted to boys or if you didn’t feel the same way - and, not knowing how you felt, I was afraid it might mess up our friendship. So all of that hit me at once. My brain farted something about you not telling me, and I ran.” Aimee took a breath. Anna stared in her eyes, not daring to miss a word.

“While I was gone, I started to think about things. I can understand why a transgender girl would hide, even for a long time, so I stopped being mad about that. I worried that you might prefer guys, but at that point, I did remember that you told me otherwise on the phone, so that was one more thing resolved. Then I went back to why I’m just as attracted to Anna as I am to Andrew. I'll have to figure that out. I only know that you’re the only one I’ve been in love with.” Aimee’s love ran down her cheeks, making Anna blush as she flashed an indescribable smile. “That much I am sure of. I love you, Anna.”

“Really?” Anna reflected Aimee’s grin as she got out her tissues and dabbed at Aimee’s face.

“Yes!” Aimee blurted.

“Well, now you know that I am in love with you, too. So, your worries are over.” Anna beamed. Aimee seized her and kissed her hard on her lips. Perhaps realizing that Kim was in the room, she released the kiss, keeping her arms around Anna as they exchanged wordless love. Aimee cocked her head and murmured, “You know… I do have some questions.”

Nodding, Anna replied, “I’m sure I know which ones. Fire away.”

“Why did you say that you met Anna at one of your recitals?” Aimee began.

“Well, in a very real way, I did. That recital was where it became clear that I’m a girl; it was when I became aware of Anna. The other girls were dressed up so beautifully and I knew I wanted to be dressed like they were. I was uncomfortable with the boys and I fit right in with the girls and… I just saw it. I understood why I’ve always felt like my instincts were wrong and why something always felt… off. So, anyway, that recital was how I met Anna.”

“Okay.” Aimee seemed relieved, but she wasn’t done. “What about Anna’s phone number? Whose number is it?”

“It’s mine; it’s the number to my other cell phone - which I did not buy to hide my identity from you. Eleven months ago, I started buying clothes online. Most of the merchants want a phone number to complete the purchase, so I bought myself a cheap, prepaid phone so I could give them that number. Just imagine a merchant calling my iPhone about my breast forms while I’m with my mother!” she giggled, making the others laugh.

“Okay, I understand now,” Aimee nodded - but then her eyes went wide.

“Wait. Anna, when did you realize that I’m in love with you? Did you know before Friday night?”

“No, Aimee. I didn’t know until last night, when I suggested that you tell your mystery friend that he could tell you anything, you mean anything, and you’d still be his friend no matter what - and you repeated those words to Andrew. I knew right away - and I knew that I couldn’t hide from you anymore. Oh, Aimee, I wasn’t doing this to trick you into telling me your private thoughts; I was doing it to give you someone to talk to. I didn’t want you to be stuck alone with what was bothering you for three weeks until Kim got home. I mean, sure, she’s here now, but I didn’t know she was coming home early until forty-five minutes ago. So, I was doing this for the right reasons - though, I still did something wrong. I didn’t tell you who Anna was, like I should have, and because of that, things went horridly wrong. Can you ever forgive me?” Anna begged.

“You’re forgiven.” Aimee hugged her. “And like I said, I still love you - and I still want you.”

She squeezed Anna and attacked her mouth with a loving kiss. When the kiss went on with no sign of ending, Kim cleared her throat. “May I suggest that we head to the kitchen for some nice, cool, ice water… so I can douse you with it?”

~ FINIS ~