Between a Frock and a Hard Place.
By Angharad.

Jack Chesney and his friend Rob Harries were dining out that fateful night. Normally they found it hard to meet the rent let alone a surplus for luxuries like eating out, but Jack had won five hundred pounds on the lottery which paid his share of the rent for two weeks and enabled them to go for a basic meal in a local pub—just something that wasn’t a two quid microwave meal from a supermarket like they usually ate.

“That woman is looking at you, Jacko,” said Rob quietly.

“Which one?” asked his scrawny companion.

“The blonde, far right, sitting with the guy in the leather jacket.”

Jack turned and glanced at her and her glance shifted immediately. “Don’t know her unless she’s one of our customers.” He worked in retail, in a chain of electrical shops which paid minimal wages, but he considered it better than living at home with his mum and overbearing stepfather.

“Can’t say I’ve ever seen her in the shop,” Said Rob who worked in the same store; “perhaps she likes pretty boys.”

“Shurrup or you can pay for your own sodding meal.” It was an old joke and well past its sell-by date as far as Jack was concerned. He couldn’t help being slender with boyish features and high cheekbones. He was only twenty-three but he looked about fourteen and was frequently challenged by bar staff and also customers who asked if he was old enough to buy drinks or work in the store. He carried his ID card with him all the time.

Rob laughed at Jack’s obvious embarrassment and the massive blush it created. He also noticed the woman was staring at his friend yet again but chose not to say anything this time as he didn’t have the money to pay for his dinner until the end of the month.

After they’d eaten and finished their lagers, Jack went to go to the loo and noticed the older, bigger man in the leather jacket had followed him. Jack hoped there were other people in there just in case the guy thought he was gay because he wasn’t.

Jack stood at the urinal and the man stood next to him. His heart was beating nineteen to the dozen and sweat was running down his back he felt so anxious. He finished and washed his hands slowly hoping the man would finish first, which he did. Jack felt a wave of relief pass over him. However it was short-lived, the man was waiting in the passage as he exited the gents.

“Hey, kid, I wondered if you could do me a favour?” said the man.

“I’m not gay,” said Jack blushing.

“Glad to hear it, neither am I.”

“What d’you want then?”

“I wondered if you were up to playing a prank on someone.”

“What sort of prank—nothing nasty or illegal.”

“Nah nothing like that, I’ll pay you for doing it.”

“How much?”

“A thousand quid.”

“That’s some prank.”

“Yeah well, I’ve got a bet on with a friend if you do it, so the joke will be on him.”

“Rich friends you have.”

“Yeah—well, I don’t do too bad either.”

“I don’t know, it sounds a bit risky.”

“Look, it’s more risqué than risky if you take my meaning.”

“What would I have to do?”

“I’m not prepared to say unless you’re in and I’ll pay cash, so no tax. A thousand quid in cash for a day’s work.”

“A day? Must be some prank.”

“It’s quite sophisticated.”

“I don’t know—I mean, half the whodunits I’ve read started with an approach by a stranger in a pub.”

“Yeah, they’re fiction, this is real life. Look bring your mate along, I’ll give him a couple of hundred just for being with you—that’s out of my own pocket. So you in?”

“What have I got to do?”

“Just pretend to be someone.”

“And it’s not illegal?”

“No, of course not, you just have to pretend to be someone for half an hour or so, until I can say my friend is taken in, then I’ll arrive and claim my winnings and you get paid as does your mate who’ll be with me.”

“I could do with the money but it sounds too good to be true, sorry but I don’t think so.”

“Let’s go and talk with your mate, shall we? See what he thinks.”

Jack just wanted to make a run for it because his head was telling him strange men in pubs do not make offers of large sums of money for playing tricks on their friends. Something did not add up and he wanted to cut and run.

When they emerged back in the bar, the blonde woman was sitting next to Rob and they seemed to be chatting like old friends. The upshot was that Rob convinced Jack that it would be the easiest money they’d ever made. The prank was to be perpetrated a week the following Friday, which meant Jack would have to take a day off, Bob was free. Jack wasn’t too happy about that either.

In the end, they said yes, because Bob was having trouble meeting his half of the rent and two hundred would ease his situation quite a lot, Jack sharing his windfall would help even more. The man who said his name was Tony, took their address and Jack’s mobile number—which Rob revealed, especially after Tanya, the blonde, asked for it. She put it straight into her phone and called it. Jack’s mobile rang a second later. She smiled at him but he felt more like her next meal than attracted by her.

Tony, as an act of goodwill, offered to pay for the boys’ meal when he looked at the receipt. He dropped three ten pound notes on the table and after saying, “We’ll be in touch before next Friday—don’t look so worried, you’ll enjoy it,” he left with the blonde tottering out on her stilt high heels.

“C’mon, let’s have a drink to celebrate,” said Rob tapping Jack’s shoulder.

“I don’t like it, Rob. I smell a rat.”

“Look, Tanya explained you only have to impersonate some kid enough to fool some old fart and then Tony will arrive and collect his winnings and we’ll be paid soon after. Sounds a good laugh.”

“But who can afford to bet a thousand quid?”

“Tanya said he’s loaded and he’s always doing crazy bets with his friends.”

“It still sounds fishy to me.”

“Well, if it’s that bad, we walk away on Friday.”

“He doesn’t look like the sort to allow that.”

“How’s he going to stop us? That would be like abduction or false imprisonment.”

“I just have a feeling he wouldn’t be too worried about that.”

They had another drink but Jack was still uneasy and Rob said if he still felt like it when they called, he could back out. It didn’t give him much reassurance but at least Rob wasn’t talking like he was looking through pound signs. Of course, Rob had no intention of letting his friend pull out and saw his tactics as delaying it until it was too late and they go through with it and collect the money. Jack would have seen it as selling him down the river. Rob saw it as expedient in paying his debts off a little. They were worse than he admitted to Jack.

Tony called Jack’s mobile on the Thursday evening. Jack was in the bathroom feeling nervous and dealing with the discomfort in his bowels, so Rob answered the phone. He told Jack they had to be ready to be collected at seven the next morning. Jack promptly rushed back to the toilet.

Neither of them slept that well and Jack was into the loo twice more before the morning. They were up at six and Jack showered feeling washed out rather than clean, he dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt assuming they’d provide clothing for this masquerade which he didn’t want to do.

At exactly seven, the door was knocked and a very large man collected them in an equally large Mercedes. The windows were blacked out, so they couldn’t even see where they were going. When they arrived an hour later, they had no idea if they’d been driven round in circles or had gone straight to the venue. The house, when they did arrive, was a large country one but they didn’t see much of it being driven straight into a garage.

Tony and Tanya greeted them and led them into the house. They were offered tea or coffee, Jack declined but Rob accepted. Twenty minutes later Rob was unconscious and Jack was feeling very scared.

“The plan is, Jack, old bean, if you don’t do exactly what we say, your friend—could—well shall we say, he won’t enjoy things anymore.”

“That doesn’t sound like a prank to me.” Jack was trying to stay calm but really he was terrified.

“Ah no, that was a bit of a fib.”

“What if I refuse?”

“Your friend meets with an accident and we’ll make you do it anyway, plus you’ll have him on your conscience.”

“How do I know you’ll let us go afterwards?”

“You don’t.”

“So why should I help you?”

“You want me to wake him up and pull his teeth out one by one?”

“Please don’t hurt him.”

“Do as you’re told then.”

“What do I have to do?”

“Go with Tanya, don’t even think about trying to talk her round to help you or your friend escape—there is none, just do as we say and both of you should stay safe.”

Jack was horrified by what he was expected to do. It wasn’t a man he was impersonating, but a woman. The collagen injections in his lips brought tears to his eyes and the corset thing he had to wear to give him shape felt like he couldn’t breathe properly.

He was trained to walk in high heeled shoes which pinched his toes and he began to think they were both dead as soon as the thing he had to do was over. He knew it was some sort of crime he had to perform and he hoped that he could think of a way to get some help while it was being enacted.

His makeover was complete when Tanya put on his makeup and then dressed him in a skirt suit with a blouse. Thanks to the corset and some breast and hip padding, the suit fitted him like a glove.

She led him out to Tony and following his instructions he sashayed across the room and sat in an easy chair, smoothing his skirt under him and keeping his knees together.

Tony looked at him and smiled. “Okay, you’re now Penelope Harker, you’re going to be taken to her bank and show them this key, it’s for a safety deposit box. You’ll put in the code WY26AZ40. You will then take the carrier bag from your handbag and empty the box of everything in there. You’ll walk back out to the car and surrender the bag and we’ll bring you back, collect your mate and we’ll pay you and let you go.

“You won’t even consider calling the police because you don’t know who we are and your fingerprints will be all over the box. This house is borrowed—the owners are away on a cruise, so you won’t ever know who we are except if you do call the police, I’ll know and we’ll deal with you permanently—if you understand me, Penelope?”

Jack nodded.

“Now I’m telling you, your future depends upon you pulling this off. Try anything and your friend gets it—do I make myself clear, Penelope?”

“Yes, perfectly.” Jack’s voice was quiet and trembled.

“Oh, just so you’ll feel secure, the driver will escort you into the bank.” He smiled and Jack felt his life could probably be measured in hours, for all he knew Rob was already dead.

“Off you go.”

He stood on the stiletto heels which made him three inches taller. He was still shorter than Tony but he felt he had little to lose.

“I want to see Rob is okay before I go.”

“What? I give the orders.”

“I want proof that Rob is still alive.”

“Or what?”

“I won’t do it.”

“You stupid bitch,” he raised his hand then smiled at her. “Okay, take her to the other one then get the hell out of here.”

Rob was awake but looking well out of it. He was tied to a bed and didn’t recognise his friend wearing a blonde wig, makeup and a hat. He was still alive so Jack felt he was doing all he could to keep things that way.

He sat in the back of the Mercedes thinking how he could get out of this. There was little in his handbag, just lipstick, a nearly empty purse, a compact with mirror and the key. He’d memorised the code he needed—at least he hoped he had.

Too quickly the car came to a stop and the driver opened the rear door and help Jack out, calling him Mrs Harker. He then followed him into the bank and stood a few feet behind, his eyes hidden by the dark glasses he wore.

“Ah, Mrs Harker,” smiled the official behind the desk. He led Jack to a door which he then put a code into before it opened. The driver went to follow but he was told that clients only were allowed beyond that point.

“Remember, we have to get back to look after your friend, Mrs Harker,” said the driver with irritation.

“Yes, thank you,” said Jack as he teetered after the bank manager.

Jack was led to the box and put in the code, whereupon it opened up a key hole into which Jack then inserted the key. He was amazed that his hand was fairly steady. He was even more amazed when he saw the jewel cases and papers in the box.

He took the carrier bag from his handbag and filled it with everything from the box. He withdrew the key after relocking the box. Then he was led back to the reception area where he handed the bag to the driver, who snatched it from him.

“Mrs Harker, could I just ask you to sign the book to show you’ve made a change to the contents of your box?”

“Of course.”

Jack took the pen and signed hoping it looked something like the signature of the woman he was robbing. The driver was impatient to be gone, having noticed the CCTV while he was waiting.

Jack allowed the driver to escort him to the car and open the door for him. He got inside feeling that he was probably not going to survive the journey of if he did, it wouldn’t be for very long afterwards. He thought about his mother, if he was found dead in this outfit, what would she think? Somehow, what he was wearing didn’t seem that important anymore, he was a dead man walking, or riding, to be exact.

The door was locked in the car and he had no weapon, besides, the driver was twice his size. They drove back to the house in silence.

“Well done, Penelope. Here’s your money—less the expenses of your transformation, which was actually more than this so we’ll call it quits.” Then she was grabbed and dumped in the same room as Rob, who still looked dazed.

“Who are you?” asked a still dopy Rob.

“Jack, you moron, who did you think I was?”

“Dunno, some woman or other. You look pretty good, actually.”

“I won’t for long, I think they’re going to kill us. I’ve just robbed a bank safety deposit box. Help me barricade this door.”

They moved all the furniture they could against the door, the bed and a chest of drawers. They then sat against the wall in case shots were fired through the door.

Ten minutes after they’d finished someone tried to push the door open and they sat holding each other, waiting for the inevitable.

“I’m sorry I talked you into this,” said Rob with tears streaming down his face.

“It’s okay.”

“You look, really good as a woman.”

“Now you tell me.”

A helicopter sounded overhead and the banging against the door stopped.

Half an hour later, astonished they were still alive they heard banging again and this time the shouts that accompanied it included the word police. Jack looked through the window and saw police cars blocking the drive.

It took them five minutes to remove the furniture and the police grabbed them as they came out. “You’re under arrest, madam and you sir.” They were taken away in separate cars having been handcuffed.

It took Jack more than an hour to give his statement and finally, the Detective Chief Inspector nodded and told him he was bailed so could leave.

“How did you find us so quickly?”

“When you signed the book, ‘I’m not Penelope Harker,’ the manager activated a tracking device in one of the jewel cases. Then he called us. I must say you’re very lucky to be alive. You also look very much like Mrs Harker.”

“Who is this Mrs Harker?”

“She’s a television and film producer and a rather wealthy lady.”

“I’m sorry I robbed her.”

“We’ll sort that out in due course. Don’t leave town without telling us.”

“Are you charging me?”

“With conspiracy to rob, but I expect once we sort through the evidence we’ll drop that.”

“I only did it because they threatened to hurt Rob.”

“He’s your boyfriend is he?”

“No, I’m only dressed like this because they made me.”

“I’m more inclined to believe you than Johnny Wilcox and his girlfriend. They’ve got more form than the length of your statement.

“Might I ask who stood bail for me?”

“Your parents, they’re waiting outside for you, perhaps you’d better touch up your lipstick...” The DCI handed Jack back his handbag and smiled.