CAUTION: Spoilers ahead! If you have not read The Summer of Bailey, and its follow-up series Seasons of Bailey, I highly advise that you do so before reading this.

CAUTION: Mature, and sensitive subject matter is contained within this story.

Part 3

"He's a good driver," I said, pulling myself further into the small payphone cubicle. "I know… But I really didn't want to ride the bus."

I turned around to see what had caused all of the commotion in the lobby of the auditorium. Several girls were walking into the cafeteria side of the building. Most of them were dressed in leggings, or yoga pants. The majority of them had on tank tops over sports bras. However, all of them had on dance shoes, which caused me to assume they were all on the dance drill team.

"Yes," I said, pulling the phone back up to my ear. "I'm listening." A sigh escaped my lips. "I don't know if I'm spending the night. I don't think I am."

I turned around to see Tawny waiting quietly behind me. Seeing her in her cheerleader uniform still made me wonder what in the world happened to her. Tawny had never been interested in cheerleading. Gymnastics and ballet aside, she had never really shown any interest in other athletics at all; let alone cheering for one. She motioned for me to hand the phone off to her. I shook my head at her, but she insisted.

"Hi," Tawny said, wrestling the phone away. "Miss Taylor?" A slight pause came as Tawny held up her index finger toward me. "This is Tawny Simmons." Tawny smiled. "Yes, the girl that Bailey went to the ballet with." Tawny turned away from me. "I'm good. I was wondering if Bailey could stay the night at my house after the game?"

I reached out and tapped Tawny on the shoulder. She shimmied away from me as I tried to grab for the phone. Then she gave me a scolding look and shook her head. I simply held my hand out, waiting for her to hand the phone back over.

"Yes," Tawny said. "My parents will be home." She put her hand on my shoulder and pushed me away. "We're all going to the game together." She put her hand over the receiver and mouthed for me to stop. "Just the girls… Uh huh… Yeah, she's fine." Tawny smiled at me. "Thanks, Miss Taylor. Is it okay if my sister drives her home in the morning?" Tawny turned away from me. "She's out of school." A long pause filled the air for what seemed like forever. "Thanks again, Miss Taylor," Tawny finally said. "She'll be home early, and I'll have her call after the game." With that, Tawny dropped the phone back into the cradle, and turned around to face me.

"Seriously?" I asked.

Tawny looked surprised. "What?"

"I was getting the lecture of a lifetime," I said. "Then you just got her to do a complete one-eighty."

Tawny shrugged. "People like other peoples' kids. Especially when they're polite."

"You continue to amaze me, Tawny Simmons."

Tawny tilted her head to the side and smiled. "Thanks."

"I need to go to the girls' room," I said.

As I turned around, I saw Vince walking toward the door. He seemed visibly upset, and shook his head at my remark. After stopping to look me over, he shoved the door open and walked outside. Apparently his conversation with Tiffany did not go as he had hoped. I felt Tawny slip her arm around mine. Then she tugged me away.

"I need to go too," she said.

It still felt weird to use public women's restrooms, especially at school. Little things like that hadn't necessarily worried me before transitioning. However, that little thing happened to be a rather huge thing, according to the school board. It was one of the major issues that came up while my mother and I were meeting with them. They ultimately decided that since I had no prior incidents in my previous school, that I could continue to use the women's restrooms; as long as there were no incidents to come.

We spent hours in that meeting with school board members. Several of the principals and vice principals were invited to sit in, along with a few other faculty members. Luckily I had sat through a meeting like this a year earlier, so I knew the drill. My mother, on the other hand, had quite a few contentious moments. One of them happened to be the fact that I had to seek an alternative to gym class; most likely after school intramurals. Apparently bathrooms were okay, but the school board drew the line at me being in a locker room with other girls. Something that had not been an issue last year, as I was allowed to change in the nearby nurse's office.

After washing my hands, I reapplied my pink lip gloss. I stood for a moment, staring in the mirror. While waiting for Tawny to finish, I started contemplating again on if I could make it through the year. I always had the options of going back to Nebraska, home-schooling, or dropping out. Although, the last two were not really options my mother would allow. She'd probably go ballistic if I dropped out of school. Tawny finally finished, and joined me at the sink.

"How was your first day?" she asked.

I glanced at her reflection in the mirror. "Probably should've looked at this hairdo earlier," I said, reaching up to lightly tug at a pigtail.

Tawny smiled. "Meh… She messed up your hair the second she touched it," she said. "I can fix it at Tiff's house if you want?"

"Oh, you're going over there too?"

"Yeah," Tawny said, flicking water from her hands into the sink. "It's closer to walk back from there for the game."

"I still can't believe she talked me in to watching football."

"So don't watch football," Tawny said, as she grabbed some paper towels. "Watch me."

"Watch you?" I asked, looking her over. "Wouldn't that be a little creepy?"

Tawny's brow furrowed. "Not as creepy as all of the dads doing it," she said. "At least with you, I'll know you're not perving over me."

"Oh, and you're so sure of that?" I asked, smiling.

Tawny let out a slight giggle. "Okay…" she said. "At least you'll be the one person I won't mind perving over me."

"I should get back," I said, shifting uncomfortably. "Don't wanna keep Tiffany waiting."

"I'll be out in a minute," Tawny said.

She pulled out a small makeup kit from her book bag. I noticed about half of the freshman girls were already wearing makeup. Last year, my cousin made sure that I knew how to apply makeup for a variety of reasons. So I had become well-versed in the application of it. However, my aunt insisted that neither of us needed to wear it to school yet, and we mostly saved it for special occasions. Even now, my mother agreed and kept telling me it wasn't necessary to wear fulltime. Not that I minded much, as it was one less thing to do in the morning.

I was greeted by Jillian's voice as I exited the restroom. "Found her!"

"There you are!" Tiffany said, coming around a corner. "What did your mom say?"

"She said it was okay," I said.

"Great!" Tiffany said, grabbing my hands. We stood and did a little celebratory motion.

"Hey Dylan," Jillian said. "You remember Bailey?"

Dylan walked over from the cafeteria. Apparently he had been ogling the drill team, while they stretched, through the windows in the lobby. He really hadn't changed that much, although he seemed slightly taller. Dylan still kept his curly black hair short. He wore a mix of preppy and casual apparel; khaki cargo pants mixed with a faded Pearl Jam t-shirt. His pale brown eyes studied me for a few moments.

"Yeah," he finally said. "She modeled in the window with me one time." He stopped walking about ten feet from me. "I thought you were going to come back. Casey really liked you."

"I've been --"

"She's been busy," Jillian interjected.

"Wait!" Dylan said. "Didn't you say you were going to Prescott?"

I shifted nervously. "I did?"

"Yeah," Dylan said. "At the fall festival. You said you would be going to Prescott."

"I… must've been mistaken," I said, shrugging slightly. "But I can't believe you remembered that."

"Well that's good," Dylan said. "Prescott sucks!"

"We should get going," Jillian said, grabbing her cousin's shirt sleeve. "We don't want to be late for our slave labor at 'Tweens."

"Hey," Dylan said, while being dragged away. "If you ever need a ride home, just let us know."

"Thanks," I said. "I might just do that."

"Cool!" Dylan said, while turning to take another glance at the drill team.

Jillian looked back at me shaking her head at her cousin. Then she waved goodbye. I returned the wave, watching the two of them scramble through the door. Dylan actually needed to be pulled from the building. I felt a tug on my own shirt sleeve, and turned to see Tiffany holding my book bag up for me. She smiled as I took it from her, and our hands touched ever so slightly.

"All set?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Come on, you two," Tawny said. "We have a lot to talk about."

I followed Tawny and Tiffany out of the other side of the lobby. The late August heat hit hard. For the first time that day, I wished I had not worn jeans. The sun was even worse, and had me scrambling in my book bag for sunglasses. Luckily I had tossed them in this morning.

"Wow," Tawny said, putting her hand over her eyes. "I don't suppose you have an extra pair?"

"No," I said. "Sorry."

"You'll get used to it," Tiffany said, as she began to walk away from the building. "It was pretty dark in there."

I watched her walk for a moment; glad that nobody could see where my eyes were aimed. It felt strange. I stared at Tiffany's butt, yet I felt nothing. Like the appeal was there, but I had no desire to chase it. I shrugged my bag back onto my shoulders, and took off after her. Tawny walked closely beside me. She had nothing to hide her eyes, but she was looking at me.

"So I don't want to start blabbing about this until we're at a safe distance," Tawny began.

"Then don't," Tiffany said. "Wait until we clear the parking lot."

"I just have so many questions," Tawny said.

Tiffany turned her head over her shoulder. "And we have plenty of time."

"Well I have a few questions," I said.

Tawny bumped me with her elbow. "Shoot."

"How was eighth grade?"

"Long," Tiffany said.

"Boring," Tawny chimed in.

Tiffany turned to walk sideways so she could see me. "And spent at least half of it wondering where you went."

"Sorry," I said.

"We don't blame you," Tawny said. "We just missed you."

"I missed you both," I said. "I missed everybody."

"Was it bad?" Tiffany asked. "The situation, I mean."

"Not entirely," I said. "I mean… it'll sound extremely bad when I tell you. But I was pretty sheltered from the aftermath."

"All we know is that Tom got arrested," Tiffany said, as we crossed out of the parking lot and onto the sidewalk. "That's all Kate really got out of Justin."

"Yeah… Justin apparently didn't say much about it to anyone," I said. "Tom is actually in prison right now."

"Wow," Tawny said. "Really?"

Tiffany slowed down to walk on my other side. "What did he do?"

"Well," I said. "What he's in prison for, has nothing to do with what was done to me. At least not much to do. That's what he claims at least."

I glanced back and forth at both girls. They seemed to be rather speechless at the moment. I turned my focus instead to the bright August day. It had to be nearing 80 degrees by then, and walking under the shade of the tall oak trees barely did any good.

"Bailey," Tiffany said quietly. "If you don't want to talk about it…"

"No, it's okay," I said. "I just would like it to be somewhere a little more private."

"That bad?" Tawny asked.

I nodded. "Kinda private too."

"Well," Tawny said. "Okay then. We'll catch you up to speed with what's been going on here."

"Yeah," Tiffany said, a little less sorrowful. "So Danielle went total bitch mode on all of us. Even Rachel. They had a fight in the middle of the cafeteria one day, pulling each others' hair and everything. Now they got like a total rivalry thing going on."

I glanced at Tiffany. "Wow! Those two were so close."

"Danielle was convinced we sabotaged her hooking up with some guy," Tawny said. "Well… mostly blamed Rachel."

"Really?!" I asked, turning my head the other way.

"Yeah," Tawny said. "Truth is, none of us even knew who the guy was."

"We think she was making him up," Tiffany added. "Either she didn't want to be friends with any of us anymore, or she just went crazy."

"So after that, Rachel and I started hanging out," Tawny said. "Guess you could say we were both done with crazy relationships."

"Is that how you got suckered into the world of cheerleading?" I asked, flashing her a smile.

Tawny looked at me as though I'd wounded her deeply.

"I'm sorry," I said, dropping my smile.

"No," she said. "It's okay." Tawny gestured at her uniform. "You must think I had a total image crisis, or something."

"I wouldn't say…"

"It's kind of true," Tawny said. "But I didn't get suckered into it. It actually goes back to something you said." She smoothed out her tartan skirt. "Actually a few things you said."

"Me?"

"Yeah," Tawny said. "You said a while back that I look cute in skirts."

"When was this?" Tiffany asked, a little surprised.

"It doesn't matter," Tawny said. "Bailey was always complimenting me when…" She shrugged her book bag up onto her shoulders more. "When I dressed more feminine." She turned to look at me. "You have no idea what that meant to me. Most of my life I've had the body of a gymnast, and always felt self-conscious about wearing dresses. I always felt bulky, or too muscular." Her lips turned up into a sad smile. "When you said those things… I just really… It meant a lot."

"Well you still look cute in a skirt," I said, smiling at her. "And you have a great body."

Tawny's face deepened into a feverish blush, and she lowered her head. After a few steps she bumped against me. I playfully bumped her back.

"You said some things that changed me too," Tiffany said.

Tawny and I both looked to Tiffany.

"I did?"

"Remember when I was confused about…" Tiffany let out a long sigh, and looked around at the trees. "Back when I didn't know if I liked girls or boys. Or thought I was a lesbian."

"Your parents weren't too happy about that," I said.

"Yeah…" Tiffany kicked at a stick in the middle of the sidewalk. "Well you were there for me, more than anyone in that stupid support group," she said. "Even when we 'broke up.'" She held her hands up to perform air quotes. "Even with the whole thing with Vince."

I lightly groaned at the mention of his name.

"I hope you're still not mad at him," Tiffany said. "He was just as confused as I was at the time. Honestly, I think he still is."

"I'm not mad," I said. "I just don't really care to be around him."

"Me neither," Tiffany said. "But he's not a terrible guy."

"Quit beating around the bush," Tawny said.

Tiffany sighed. "I wasn't…"

"She still can't say it," Tawny said, drawing my attention for a second.

"Say what?" I asked, looking back over at Tiffany.

"She's into guys," Tawny said.

Tiffany sighed more heavily. "I was going to put it a little more delicately than that, Tawny."

"Why was that so hard to say?" I asked.

Tiffany looked at me in silence.

"Oh," I said. "So you don't like girls anymore?"

"Well… I mean…" Tiffany looked down, and then back up at me. Then she shrugged. "Not really. No."

"Oh…" I said, looking out at the sidewalk in front of us. "So like, me for instance…"

"I mean, you're a great friend," Tiffany said. "I don't want you to think otherwise. But I see you as a girl now. I kind of did before you left. I'm sorry."

"No," I said. "I get it. I'm more girl now than when I left too." I gave a slight half chuckle. "I was actually worried where we stood after all this time."

"Best of friends," Tiffany said, offering a warm smile. "Hopefully?"

"Always," I said, returning her smile.

"I kinda like guys too now," Tawny blurted out.

I turned to face her. "You too!?"

"Well," Tawny said, shrugging. "Not completely. I'm kind of… I don't know." She looked at me. "It's not like I have a boyfriend." She shrugged again. "If the right girl came along, I'd maybe be into that. I don't know. Maybe I'm just undecided, but I find some guys attractive now."

We all walked in silence for a moment. A slight breeze picked up, although it was a warm one. The sound of three pairs of sneakers hitting the pavement, mingled with the occasional rustle of leaves. It seemed the whole "catching up" conversation had taken a nosedive. I glanced back and forth between them, and suddenly stopped walking. They both stopped several steps after and turned to face me.

"Are you okay?" Tiffany asked, quietly.

"I have… a sort of confession," I said, my head lowered. "While I was away…" I took a deep breath, then raised my head to look at them. "While I was away, I met a boy. Well, we kind of hit it off, and he was fun to hang out with." My head tilted to the side. "We kissed a few times, and it was kind of nice. He made me feel special."

Tiffany nodded, knowingly. "That's kind of how I felt!" Her eyes got larger all of a sudden. "I mean…" Her chest rose sharply as she took a deep breath. "I kind of had a boyfriend while you were away." Her lips dropped to a frown. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I said. "I was gone for a year, and we did leave things open…"

"Well I think you are special," Tawny said, jumping back into the conversation. She smiled, as she took my wrist in her hand. "You don't need a guy to make you feel that way."

Tiffany took my other wrist, and together they pulled me up even with them. "Don't worry," Tiffany said, as we began to walk again. "People change."

"We're totally on your side," Tawny said. "It doesn't matter if you like boys, girls, or nothing at all."

"Agreed," Tiffany said. "We're here for you."

"But you definitely need to give us details," Tawny said, as she bumped me again.

"Maybe," I said, grinning. "But only if you let me try on that uniform some time."

Tawny and Tiffany both giggled.

"Well you definitely have the hair for it," Tawny said. "Maybe for Halloween?"

Tiffany gently slapped my shoulder with her free hand. "That actually gave me a great idea," she said. "I have something you can borrow for school next week."

After passing a few more houses, we finally arrived in front of Tiffany's house. Their split-level ranch house had gone through at least one paint job. Although it still retained its tan color, with dark brown trim, it all looked fresh. The crimson door was still the only thing that added color. I paused for a moment after seeing Kate's red Honda Accord in the driveway.

"Kate still lives at home?" I asked.

Tiffany tugged me toward the front door. "Yeah," she said. "She decided to stay home and go to community college."

"Justin did the same thing," I said. "Well… except that he never enrolled in college."

"I'm surprised he didn't get a free ride," Tiffany said, as she ushered me up the front steps. "What with leading the football team to a championship and all."

"He got a lot of offers," I said. "But he said he was tired of playing"

"I'll just pretend I know what you two are talking about," Tawny said from behind us.

I turned to look at her over my shoulder. "My brother," I said.

"Yeah," Tawny said. "I gathered that. I just don't know him."

"Oh, that's right," I said. "You've never met him."

We all stopped on the front stoop. The overhang on the roof provided a little respite from the pesky summer sun. Thankfully, August would be over soon, and the cooler temperatures of September would settle in. Tiffany pushed the doorbell repeatedly. I could hear the faint chimes sounding inside. Suddenly the door whisked open; a rather perturbed Kate stood on the other side; her damp black hair shining.

"Where's your key?" she asked, from behind the glass storm door.

Tiffany pulled the storm door open. "It's in my bag," she said. "I didn't feel like looking for it."

Kate shook her head. "You're such a brat!"

The three of us entered the house as Kate stormed off into the other room. She yelled about being in the middle of something, although became incoherent about halfway through what she was saying. Tiffany closed the door behind us. An audible groan came from the other room. Kate stormed back through, passing us by once more. In her hand she clenched a hairdryer; the cord dragging behind her.

"Why can't anything in this freakin' house ever work?" Kate asked no one in particular.

"Do you have a date, or something?" Tiffany called after her.

Kate stomped back into the room. She stopped and looked at us. I'd never seen her so angry. "Why are you dorks just standing there?" she asked.

"Kate," Tiffany said, calmly. "Do you remember Bailey?" She gestured toward me.

Kate gave one of those do-I-care shrugs. Gradually the death stare loosened its grip on her face. Then her eyes popped open in astonishment. "No freakin' way!" she exclaimed, walking toward me. "Girly girl!?"

I gave a slight grimace as she approached. All I could do was nod silently.

"No freakin' way," Kate said again. "It is you."

I swear she pushed Tiffany and Tawny out of the way, as she threw her arms around me. Like earlier in the day, with Amber, I stood awkwardly with my hands out to the sides. Subconsciously I probably couldn't think of a decent place to put them, but it didn't help that Kate had wrapped herself around my entire body. Kate continued to squeeze the life out of me. Her perky breasts jutted against mine. It felt like I was teetering with my toes on a balance beam as she rocked me side to side.

"Wow!" Kate exclaimed, finally releasing me and stepping back. She grabbed my elbows, causing me to grab hers in return; if only for support. Her eyes studied me for a minute. "I can't believe you're still cross dressing," she said, with a smile. "And you're getting pretty damn good at it."

"I'm…" I looked into her eyes. "I'm actually transitioning."

Kate's expression changed to one of sheer confusion. "Huh?"

I stood for a moment in silence, hoping she would get it eventually. After her expression never rescinded, I knew I would have to explain. "I'm transgender," I said, still not getting a response.

"Bailey is changing from a boy into a girl," Tiffany said.

"Shut up," Kate said, more toward her sister. "No. I get that. I know what she meant." She continued to look at me. "So you're a girl all the time now?"

I nodded, cringing as I waited for whatever happened next.

Kate shook my arms. "That's…" Suddenly she pulled me back in for another hug. "That's so awesome. I'm so happy for you." After a moment longer she let me go. "How did…" Her eyes searched mine. "Wait here," she finally said, and then turned to run off. "I want to hear everything!" she called as she moved down the hallway.

"Didn't you have plans?" Tiffany shouted after her.

"No," Kate yelled back. She came back down the hallway, carrying her brush. "I was just trying to dry my hair."

"The hairdryer is broken again?" Tiffany asked, as she walked into the living room.

"Come in," Kate said, beckoning toward me.

I noticed I hadn't moved from the entryway. As I turned to face Tawny, she looked as though a bomb had gone off in her head. Her eyes seemed totally unresponsive as she stared at my face. My hand reached out, giving her a few sharp tugs on her skirt. I smiled as her head shook a few times. Then she followed me into the living room.

"I was about to throw a potato in the oven," Kate said. "You all want one?"

"Sure," Tiffany said, dropping her bag by the couch. She moaned loudly. "It feels so good to take that off."

I looked at Kate. After a year of not seeing her, all of my feelings for her returned. I suddenly realized why I had a crush on her to begin with. She still had the most amazingly fit body I had ever seen. It had been amplified by her tight t-shirt and old school track shorts. Her face looked flawless, even after a shower and wearing no makeup. My heart fluttered as we stared at each other.

"I'll take one. I guess," I managed to squeak out.

"Your voice hasn't even changed at all," Kate said, still looking at me with wonder in her eyes. "Amazing, girly girl!" She turned to look at Tawny. "You want one?"

Tawny still couldn't speak; a rather strange occurrence for her. She simply nodded.

Kate shrugged, and turned toward the kitchen. Meanwhile, we had joined Tiffany in the living room. She had already collapsed onto the sofa. In a matter of seconds she was kicking off her black Converse all stars. I casually slipped my book bag off, as I looked for a suitable place to sit. That's when Tiffany reached up and took hold of me; yanking me down onto the sofa with her.

We both landed in a heap. I practically ended up sitting across her lap, though my butt had become wedged between her and the arm of the sofa. The backs of my knees rested over her thighs, while my back rested against the fluffy arm. Tiffany sat somewhat sideways next to me. Her arms snaked gently around my waist in a friendly embrace.

"Tawny…" I said, watching her mindlessly sit in a chair opposite us. "You okay?"

"I…" Tawny let her bag drop beside the chair. "I never…" Her legs crossed in front of her, and she slumped back into the chair. "When you said transitioning and transgender… I guess I just finally realized the seriousness of the situation."

"Does that upset you?" I asked.

"Not at all," Tawny said, as she shook her head for emphasis. "It just kind of hits you." She gave me the most sincere face she could muster under those pigtails. "It kind of takes it miles away from a boy slipping on a dress."

Tiffany looked at Tawny thoughtfully. If I didn't know any better, I would say it suddenly began to dawn on her as well. They both started to get the idea that it was no longer a game of pretend for me. It wasn't like before, when I would slip into a swimsuit to attend a pool party, or throw on a dress for a birthday party. That childhood confusion had disappeared. I had been living it, day in and day out, for the past year now. It had become a very arduous reality for me; learning how to live as a young girl.

Kate eventually joined us. Her hair had become a slight tangled mess. She walked in carrying four bottles of some cherry fruit water. I studied the bottle after taking it. Never before had I seen anything like it. I didn't even recognize the name brand. Had I been away that long? Kate stood over me, watching me for a few seconds.

"Is that okay?" she asked, with a little trepidation in her voice. "To drink that is."

I looked up at her confused. "I… it's fine," I stuttered.

Kate looked at me with a bit of concern. "It's not going to react with any medication, is it?"

"It should be fine. I mean, unless it's testosterone," I said, chuckling. I looked around the room, and all three of them seemed uneasy. "Guys," I finally said. "Relax. I'm not dying. I can eat normal food."

"Sorry," Kate said, stepping over to a chair. "I just don't know anything about this. I mean, I know what transgender means, but after that I'm sort of at a loss."

"I'm still the same person," I said.

Kate sat down in her chair gracefully. "I get that," she said. "I just…" She stopped and looked at me for a moment. "Why don't we start over?" She asked, eventually. Then she pulled her legs up to sit Indian style in the chair.

"Well where would you like to start?" I asked. "I don't wanna just start blabbing about everything."

"Well I don't want this to be like a therapy session," Kate said.

I raised my eyebrows at her remark.

"Oh jeez," Kate said. "That was wrong to say. I'm sorry. You probably have to deal with that too."

"It's okay," I said.

"Are you comfortable?" Tiffany asked, resting her head on my shoulder.

I turned to focus on her. "I'm good," I said, reaching down to pat her arm.

Tawny looked at us for a moment. Then she pushed up from her chair and came over and joined us on the sofa. Lifting my lower legs up, she slid in underneath. As my calves came back down to rest on her thighs, she started to slip my sneakers off. She turned slightly toward me, and rested her hands on my legs.

"Oh, what the hell…" Kate said. "Girl talk mode it is." She jumped out of her chair, and pulled it over closer to the sofa. Then jumped back into it to sit in the same fashion as before. She poked my shoulder gently. "Just let us know if it gets too personal," she said. "We don't wanna push you."

"Exactly," Tawny said, quietly.

That was the first word from Tawny in over five minutes. I couldn't tell if she was uncomfortable, or if she had hit some deep contemplative state of mind. She hardly ever got this quiet. Maybe her realization hit her harder than expected. It kind of worried me that she wasn't saying much. It just wasn't like her.

"So…" Tiffany said. "Why don't we start with the last night we saw you?"

"Yeah," Kate said, reaching over to pull a few strands of hair from my face. "What happened that night? Why were the police there?"

"There were actually a lot more than the police there that night," I said. "The FBI, the DEA, the police. Even an undercover detective."

"Whoa," Kate said. "Okay… Why don't you just blab? Because I can't even think of a question to follow up with that."

I laughed slightly at her remarks. Then I nodded at her. "So my stepfather, Tom, had apparently made it onto the FBI's watch list," I said. "For a long time he was a legit businessman, running his semi truck cleaning business during the day. Eventually he was approached by a man named Trevor James, who offered him a deal to clean trailers along with the trucks." I paused for a moment, looking at the confused expressions around the room. "Anyway, Tom agreed to keep the shop open at night to do this. That's why he was always running to the shop late at night to check things."

"So was the deal illegal?" Tiffany asked.

"Well cleaning the trailers wasn't illegal," I said. "But after a while James came to Tom with another deal. He wanted to use the trailers to smuggle pharmaceutical drugs out of the country."

"Oh shit," Kate said, quietly.

"Turns out that Tom was already being investigated for hiring illegals to work for him," I said. "And this new deal Tom made kind of just fell into the laps of the authorities." I took a sip of my cherry-flavored water, making a note of it being pretty good. "Anyway," I continued. "So that was the deal that got Tom in major trouble. They set up a sting operation and everything to bring him down, but he caught wind of it and tried to skip town. That's why the police were there that night."

"That's pretty insane," Tiffany said.

Kate shook her head next to me. "How could he be that stupid?" she asked, rhetorically. "He could've put his entire family in danger."

"I don't think he really cared about that," I said, taking another sip of water.

Tawny cleared her throat, as she tapped my knee. "Speaking of that," she said. "How did you get involved in all of this?"

"Well," I said. "You remember those doctors I told you about? Dinesh, and that creepy older one named Brooks?"

They all sort of nodded.

"Well it was mainly Brooks," I said. "But Dinesh was willfully and knowingly abetting him. I learned that later from the district attorney."

Kate gently shook my shoulder. "Go on."

"They were the ones supplying the drugs," I said. "Tom made a deal that he would help them move product, in exchange for them covering my medical expenses. Basically that left everything involving me off of the books. Which made it harder for the authorities to pin anything on them. At least until they got back lab results." I shifted a little in my seat. "Turns out I really didn't need treatment for much of anything."

"Wait," Kate said. "So the doctors lied about your condition to keep Tom doing their dirty work?"

I nodded silently.

"That's so fucked up," Kate said.

"Kate!" Tiffany said, lifting her head from my shoulder. "Language!"

Kate reached toward her mouth, as if in the process of covering it up. "Sorry," she said, quietly, as if her parents would storm into the room to punish her.

"So wait a minute," Tawny said, shaking my leg gently. "You said you didn't need any treatment. Then how did you…" She gestured at me. "You know… Change?"

"Well I didn't need treatment to start," I said. "I only had mildly low testosterone, from a condition known as hypogonadism." The three of them seemed to be lost at that point. "It's just something I was born with," I continued. "My doctor in Nebraska said I probably would've been fine, had they not messed with me. I just would've had a slower puberty."

"So they messed you up?" Tiffany asked.

My eyes trailed downward. "They really messed me up," I said. "Instead of simply faking my medication, they decided to experiment on me. Almost immediately they had me on something called Triptorelin." I glanced around at the confused faces. "Sorry… I'm used to discussing this with people who know what that medication is. Basically it halts, or prevents puberty from occurring."

"Shit…" Kate said, quietly.

"I hadn't started puberty yet, because of the other condition," I said. "So it pretty much stopped it dead. They continued to lie to Tom, and even my mother when she would take me to see Dinesh. They fabricated test results, and apparently were using me as a lab rat." I paused. "Dinesh later turned on Brooks and James. That's why he disappeared for awhile, because he was helping the FBI. So he worked out a plea bargain, and admitted that Brooks was actually the one prepping the medications I received."

"What all did they do to you?" Tawny asked, her voice sounded more curious than anything.

I looked into her bright green eyes. "They… uh…" I shifted uncomfortably. "This is the hard part for me."

"Don't feel that you have to tell us," Kate said.

"Yeah," Tiffany said. "Totally up to you."

"It's just…" I took a deep breath, slowly letting it out. "It's harder to talk about than it was to actually go through it." I looked over at Kate. "The night you dropped me off, I had an episode in front of the FBI agent."

Kate's brow furrowed. "An episode?"

"For the last few months of seventh grade," I said. "I'd been experience severe pain in my lower abdomen. It was so bad, that I kept blacking out, and I didn't realize what was happening until that last episode." I watched Kate's face contort into a grimace. "Apparently, Brooks had been giving me all kinds of things in his twisted drug cocktail. Estrogen. Testosterone blockers. Something called Cyproterone, which is used for chemical castration."

Kate's whole body slumped to the side. She immediately knew full well what I had said. It was like she felt the defeat as soon as I delivered it. Tiffany and Tawny looked at each other, and then to Kate. I felt bad for them all to be hearing this. Kate understood what I was saying, but the other two seemed to have no clue. When Tiffany spoke again, I suddenly lost the will to finish that part of the conversation.

"How bad is that?"

Kate patted my shoulder. She looked directly at her sister. Her breasts rose and fell, as I watched her release a heavy sigh. "You know when we took Scruffy in to get him fixed?" she asked.

"Yeah…" Tiffany stopped for a moment and seemed to be contemplating what her sister had said.

"It's the chemical version of that," Kate said.

"Oh jeez…" Tawny said, turning her head away.

"Oh…" Tiffany said. She then sat up and looked at me. "Oh!" Her lips quivered for a moment. "That's…"

"Yeah," Kate said, with a melancholy voice. "Totally fucked up." Then she looked at me solemnly. "Were they able to reverse it?"

I shook my head in silence. A long moment of silence filled the room after that. Kate sat in her chair, hunched over her bare legs. Tawny played little drum beats, with her fingers, on my shins. Meanwhile, Tiffany ran her hand up and down my arm; quietly consoling me. Eventually the silence became more uncomfortable than my story, and I got up the courage to press on with it.

"Once the pain started," I said, pausing to clear my throat. "Once it started, it was already too late." I looked back and forth between Kate and Tiffany. "Due to my body's reaction with some of the drugs, I developed a lump on one of my…" I took a shallow breath. "Well… down there…" After another longer breath, I decided to just spit it out. "They actually had to surgically remove them."

"That's horrible!" Tiffany said. Her hand squeezed my upper arm, as she buried her face into my shoulder.

"Yeah, that's terrible," Kate said. "I can't imagine going through something like that."

"So…" Tawny looked over Tiffany at me. "Not to sound insensitive here. Just trying to understand." She gave me an unsure look. "They had to… remove your testicles?"

I nodded toward her. "Along with most of the spermatic cords. It was preventative," I said. "They were worried that the lump was cancerous, and might possibly spread."

"So…" Tawny's voice quietly returned. "Do you still…" Tawny squirmed a little this time. "Again, just trying to understand…"

"You can ask," I said. "But I think I know the question."

Tawny seemed a little bashful all of a sudden. It added to the complexity of her nature that afternoon. "I don't know how to ask it without it sounding all…" She shrugged. "You know?"

"I still have a penis," I said, quietly.

Tawny nodded, while Kate shyly looked off toward the kitchen.

"Why would you want to know that?" Tiffany asked, lifting her head to look at Tawny.

"I'm just curious," Tawny said. "I just wanted to know if it was a full change, or like… partial."

I smiled warmly at her. "I don't mind. Really," I said. "And you were a lot more sensitive about it than my cousin."

"Speaking of your cousin," Tiffany said. "Is Tom the reason you went to your aunt's? Or was it because of the medical reasons?"

"Both, actually," I said. "My mother, as well as the authorities, thought it was best that I was removed from the situation. At least until they could move the case along." I took a quick sip of water. "My mother handed over temporary guardianship to my aunt, and I went to stay with her in Nebraska." I paused for a moment. "The other reason was my aunt is a nurse, and my mother thought I would get better care in her custody. Which, for the most part, was true, and somewhat less awkward."

I realized it was growing more and more awkward in the room at that time. The other three sat quietly, as if contemplating if they wanted to know more or not. This had actually been the first time I had shared my story outside of a therapy session. It still seemed unpolished, and lacked a certain quality of delivery. Although it could certainly bring a down a party in a pinch.

"So…" Tawny started to speak, but quickly changed her mind.

"What was Nebraska like?" Kate asked, finally breaking the silence.

"I liked it there," I said. "A little boring at times. My aunt lives out in the country, so it was a drive to get to anywhere. She doesn't have a farm herself, but most of our neighbors were farmers. So it was an interesting change, being out away from everything. Could actually see the stars at night."

"Did you have trouble making friends?" Tiffany asked, quietly.

"Yeah," I said. "I was kind of an outsider. Most of my friends were people my cousin, Kelly, already knew." I paused for a moment, before continuing. "We made up a cover story that I was staying there while my parents settled a divorce. Which was kind of true."

"Did anyone… know?" Tawny asked.

"About me?"

Tawny nodded.

"Only Kelly," I said. "We hardly talked about it too. She was really supportive when I started on hormones."

"What was that like?" Kate asked.

"Well…" I said, looking at the ceiling. "It was a pain just to even find a doctor that would work with me. My aunt knew some doctors, but they all shied away from the legal aspects of my stepfather's case." I sighed. "They didn't wanna be involved."

"That sucks," Kate said. "But you obviously got treatment."

"Yeah," I said. "It took most of the summer, but finally we found a therapist. And with her help we finally found a doctor that wasn't entirely reluctant to take my case. Then it just came down to fighting with insurance, but we eventually got it sorted out."

"I just have so many questions," Kate said. "But it's like I can't pick one."

"I have one," I said, sitting up slightly.

Kate looked at me perplexed. "What?"

"What happened with my brother?"

"Oh…" Kate lowered her eyes, and focused on her legs. "He wanted to see other people. I really didn't. So we called it off."

"Really?!" I asked. "I can't believe he did that to you!"

"It's not entirely his fault," Kate said. "I kind of made myself unavailable with school and everything."

"Still…" I said. "That's not cool."

"We're still friends," Kate said. "At least, I think we are. I haven't talked to him lately."

I pushed myself up, causing Tiffany to stir. "I'm going to give him a call," I said.

"No," Kate said, waving me off. "It's really not a big deal. I'm busy with school and work anyway."

"I'm kind of pissed at him now," I said.

Kate shook her head. "Don't be," she said. "Really… It's fine. I'm fine."

About that time the alarm sounded on the oven. Tawny perked up a little bit at the intrusive sound. "I'm hungry," she said. "Can we talk about Nebraska while we eat?"

"Sure," I said, trying to push myself off of the sofa. "If I can ever get up." I giggled slightly.

Kate stood from her chair, and offered me her hands. I took them in mine. With the help of the other girls pushing me off of them, and Kate lifting, I finally made it off of the sofa. Kate let me go, and hurried off to the kitchen. Tawny followed closely behind her. Meanwhile, Tiffany still sat there on the sofa; her face a mix of confusion and contemplation.

"Hey," I said, sitting back down where Kate had been. "I know that was a lot to process."

"I just don't get it," Tiffany said. "How could people be that cruel? I mean, you were… You still are…" She sighed. "You were a kid."

"I'm still a kid," I said.

Tiffany begrudgingly shook her head. "No," she said. "What you went through… You grew up quick."

I took Tiffany's hands in mine. "I lied a little," I said. "About it being harder to talk about." I took a deep breath. "That's actually the easy part. The hard part is hoping people will understand after I tell them. That's what goes through my head every time someone asks what happened to me." I sighed. "I want to tell them everything, but I'm afraid to. Like they might reject what I'm saying, or… reject me."

A few tears started trickling down Tiffany's face. "You went through so much," she said. "And yet you're worried about what others might think?" She pulled one of her hands away to wipe her tears. "Bailey… If anyone could sit and listen to what you just told us, and then turn you away… They don't deserve you."

Now I felt my own tears streaming down my cheeks. My heart felt like a sinking stone in a fast-moving river. Tiffany reached out toward me. She gently wiped away my tears with her thumb. With a warm smile, she studied my face. I started to speak, but my voice failed me.

"You're more beautiful than ever," Tiffany said. "You know that right?"

She pulled herself from the sofa. Then she pulled me from the chair. Slowly we met in the space in between. Her arms snaked around me. My arms snaked around her. For several minutes we stood there, entwined in a melancholy hug. Tears rolled from my eyes. Tiffany patted my back, and slowly rocked me from side to side. I buried my head against her neck, and let myself cry.

---

 
 
To Be Continued...