Part 4

I don't think anything wore me out faster than my first day back at school. High school seemed more frantic than junior high ever dreamed of being. It didn't help that I went from having classes in one building, to having them spread out across several buildings on a college-like campus. As if that wasn't enough, I felt emotionally drained from telling my closest friends part of my medical history. Of course, I didn't tell them everything. Some of my new experiences were quite embarrassing to talk about.

After all of that, we hit the annual Henley High Black and Red Game, where we sat through player introductions, and a couple of hour-long scrimmages. It felt awkward with half of my friends knowing, and half of them not knowing. Tiffany and Tawny still had questions, and tried to sneak them in during the second scrimmage while Tracy and Jason were preoccupied. By the time we got back to Tawny's house, and showered, we were both wiped out. Tawny fell asleep while I was telling her about my aunt's house, and I joined her shortly after.

A few hours later I pushed myself to sit up in Tawny's bed. It took me a moment to recall that I had spent the night at her place. As I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, I could hear her rustling about in her room. My hands lowered from my eyes. Tawny was fully awake. She was in the process of pulling together my belongings.

"Sorry I crashed on you last night," she said, after seeing me stir. "First day back at school," Tawny continued, "and then the game after…"

"It's fine," I said. "It didn't take me long to join you."

Tawny paused to look me over. "I probably could've slept another two hours."

"Then why don't you?" I asked, patting the bed next to me. I glanced at the clock. "It's only six thirty."

"I wish I could," Tawny said. "But Lynne's gotta drop you off before work." She gave me a half smile as she tossed my jeans onto the bed next to me. "So I was about to wake you up anyway."

"Are you running me out of here?" I asked, letting out a yawn.

"Well," Tawny's smile dropped. "I'd be lying if I said no, but you know Lynne."

I did, indeed, know Lynne. She was Tawny's rather obstinate older sister. It was hard to argue with her, especially if she had places to be at the moment. I assumed there were reasons why Tawny's parents couldn't take me home. My only other option was calling my mother to come get me. I figured it would be a bad idea to drag my feet, so I forced myself awake as much as possible.

"Too bad you can't come over and hang out," I said, pulling the covers off of me.

"Well… I can," Tawny said. She paused to look at me. "That is, if you're inviting me."

I smiled at Tawny. "My mom did say she wanted me to come home, but she didn't say anything about bringing someone home with me."

"I don't know…" Tawny cocked her head to the side. "You're not pushing your luck with her, are you?"

"To be honest," I said, "I could use the buffer. She's been a tad overprotective since I came home. And she's always hovering."

Tawny rested against her dresser. "I'd have to say, I would be too," she said. "Especially after what you went through."

"I guess so," I said, stretching a bit.

"We could always hang out next Friday," Tawny said, moving over to her closet.

"Don't you have to cheer for the game?" I asked, standing from the bed.

"Nah," Tawny said. "I'm not on the varsity squad, so I only have to cheer at the freshmen games. And only home games. Last night was kind of a one time thing for the year." She spun around to face me. "Unless you want to go to the game?"

"Not really," I said, slipping off my borrowed pajama bottoms. "Just come over today."

Tawny seemed startled at first that I was undressing in front of her. I never actually gave it a second thought, until I saw her shift uncomfortably. Back in Nebraska, I'd grown accustomed to changing in front of other girls. Of course, I never got completely nude, and nobody but my cousin knew I'd been a boy. Tawny's reaction gave me sudden pause, however, and I suddenly felt embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," I said, quickly reaching for my jeans. "I should've warned you…"

"No," Tawny said. "It's fine. I just… I don't know." She turned to the side. "It just made me think about the last time I saw you." She pulled out a pair of loose-fitting jeans from her closet. "I mean, I've seen you with less on…"

"Still… I should've said something." I finished pulling on my jeans, and fastened them. "Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

"It just reminded me of that day," Tawny said, stepping over to me. "But after what you told us yesterday… Well, it all makes sense now."

"What does?"

"Why you were growing breasts," Tawny said, stepping closer. "Why you couldn't fit into your jeans."

"Oh…" I said, taking a seat again to pull my socks on. "I'm surprised you remember that."

"Well I actually remembered it for another reason," Tawny said. She hurried over to her closet again. "I remember you were so upset and angry that day. I felt so bad having to leave too." After pulling her closet door open, she began to dig around inside. "Really, I didn't know it had anything to do with what you were going through. At least not until today." Eventually Tawny yanked a plastic shopping bag out of her closet. "I was kind of an idiot, and thought it was something else."

"What's that?" I asked, as Tawny brought the bag over.

"Well after I got home that day," Tawny said, "I started a little project." She pulled what appeared to be a denim messenger bag from the plastic bag. "I tried not to go overboard with it," she said, "but I wanted it to be kind of girly. You know… incase you took it anywhere."

As Tawny turned the denim bag in her hand, my eyes caught the glimmer of pink rhinestones. They bordered the flap of the bag, but were done sparingly enough to look tasteful. Tawny continued to turn the bag. While my eyes were drawn to the pink rhinestones at first, they were suddenly torn away to the middle of the flap. There, centered amongst the pink border, sat an old familiar image.

A little pink butterfly danced toward the sky. While a trail of pink glittered beneath it. Tawny had lovingly removed the bejeweled image from my favorite pair of jeans. Then she had carefully sewn it onto the flap of this bag. I jumped to my feet instantly. My arms flew around Tawny. A squeal of delight coursed through the room, as I swayed back and forth with Tawny in my arms.

"Tawny, that's amazing!" I said, pulling back to look at the bag. "How long did that take you?"

Tawny shrugged. "I don't know," she said. Though I could tell it was a lie.

"Wow," I said, taking the bag in my hand. "I can't believe you did this for me."

"I thought you were really upset about not being able to wear the butterfly jeans," Tawny admitted. "Kind of stupid of me, but I thought if I put it on something you couldn't outgrow…"

"No," I said, turning the bag in my hands. "It wasn't stupid at all." I flung my arms back around Tawny and hugged her tightly. "Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome," Tawny said, letting out a nervous laugh. "I'm glad you like it."

"I love it!" I said, planting a kiss on her cheek. "I might replace my school bag with it."

"Yeah," Tawny said, cautiously reaching toward the cheek I kissed. "I think it'll look… cute."

"I… just…" I smiled at Tawny. "Thank you."

Tawny returned the smile, and nodded thoughtfully.

"You have to come over now!" I exclaimed. "Come on! It'll be fun!"

Tawny shrugged; her smile still beaming. "I guess I'll get dressed then," she finally said. She walked to the dresser to grab some socks.

"Do you want me to leave the room?"

Tawny turned to face me; the smile still on her face. "Don't be silly," she said. As if to emphasize the sentiment, she slipped out of the cheer shorts she had slept in, and crossed the room in nothing but panties and a tank top. "You just caught me off guard a little," she said, as she pulled on her jeans. "You can dress, or undress, in front of me any time."

A nervous laugh escaped my lips.

Tawny quickly looked over at me. "That did not come out right at all."

"No," I said. "I mean… I get what you meant."

Tawny lowered her head, pretending to fixate on her socks and shoes. "I uh… hung your shirt on the door," Tawny said, her voice meek and slightly trembling. "Your bra too."

I decided it wouldn't be a good idea to push this any further. The whole situation felt a little out of sorts. While what Tawny had said seemed harmless to me, I could tell it struck a different chord with her. I moved to the door and collected my bra. Keeping my back to her, I slipped off the top she had lent me for the night. Then I quickly put on my bra and fastened it.

For some reason I turned my head back over my shoulder to look at her. Tawny shyly glanced at me, with the corner of her eye, as she crossed her room. She pulled a bra from her dresser, and stole another glance. Awkward silence filled the room, as I feigned interest with putting my shirt back on. When I turned around, I could see Tawny finishing her own dressing ritual.

"I'm a little curious…" Tawny started to say, pulling her t-shirt down.

A knock at her door startled me. "Hope you two bitches are awake," Lynne said loudly, from the other side. "I'm leaving in ten minutes."

"Stop calling other girls bitches," Tawny's mother quietly said from somewhere down the hallway.

"What were you going to say?" I asked.

Tawny shook her head. "It's nothing."

I nodded silently, not wanting to push her. "Thanks again for the clothes," I said, trying to return the conversation to a halfway normal juncture.

"No problem," Tawny said, as she opened her dresser drawer. "I don't wear pajama bottoms anymore, anyway." She turned back around. "Besides, they looked cuter on you."

"Thanks," I said, feeling a slight blush come over me.

"Was your mom mad you didn't come home?" Tawny asked, as she pulled a hair tie from her drawer.

"Not really," I said, watching Tawny put her hair up in a ponytail. "She's going through this whole thing though. From me being away a year. I mean, I still saw her, but it was mostly during legal things." I sighed. "And very odd holiday gatherings…"

"Was she freaked about you staying the night?"

"No," I said. "But she wanted to talk to your mom about my… condition." I said the word as if it were some disease that brought top priority to any conversation. At least, that's what everyone else seemed to think of it. "I didn't let her."

"Please," Tawny scoffed, pushing the drawer closed. "My parents only pretend to give a crap. They love to put on a show for others." Tawny walked over to her bed. She quickly set about making it. "If they really cared, Lynne would still be a virgin."

I sat down on Tawny's makeshift art stool to put my shoes on. "Is she really that bad?" I asked. "I mean, the whole slut thing?"

Tawny laughed. "No," she admitted. "But I know she's had some guys in her room. And I know the moaning wasn't from a good massage."

"You make it sound so…," I said, slightly disgusted with her remark.

"Cheap?" Tawny asked. She looked up at me when I didn't answer. "Tawdry? Lewd? Smutty?"

"Okay, Miss Thesaurus," I said. "I was going to say 'uneventful,' but yeah."

"What do you want me to call it?" she asked. "Love making?" Tawny yanked at her sheets. "Can't really say that…" she grunted, "when it sometimes only happens once."

I turned my face away, shaking my head. "What if once is all you had?" I muttered.

"You mean like the world is going to end?" Tawny asked, stopping what she was doing. "That sort of thing?"

"Or… you know… the person you were with is taken from you the next day," I said.

"You went morbid with it," Tawny said.

"Like the world ending isn't?"

"Well that's the only reason I'd give it up early," Tawny said, laughing. "And even then it would have to be with someone super special. Not just someone I'm stuck with." She fluffed her pillows and tossed them back on the bed. "Other than that, I'm staying a virgin… at least until marriage." Slowly she turned; her electric green eyes met mine. "Why are you so curious about it anyway?"

I shrugged. "You brought it up," I said. "And Tracy and Jason were hinting about it."

"Oh, I know!" Tawny said, walking away from her bed. "They were super annoying last night."

"I thought for sure Tracy was going to bounce out of the bleachers," I said, "cheering for him… like… he was some Greek god or something."

"Right? I swear those two would not shut up about each other." Tawny walked over to her dresser. She set about straightening up the slight mess we had made the previous night. "It's like she had to tell us everything Jason did over the summer. His football camps, and practices. Making out underwater in her pool. What he got her for her birthday. How Jason is so awesome and sexy." She spun around. "And he totally beat out Bent Knob for the starting position," she said, mimicking Tracy's voice.

I burst out laughing at Tawny. "It was Brent Kobb! I sit next to him in geography."

"Whatever," Tawny said, turning back to her dresser. "He sounded like a knob to me."

I stood up from the stool. "I mean, from the way Jason talked about him… sure," I said. "But I don't really know the guy. He could be nice. He seemed alright in class."

Tawny shook her head. "So weird hearing you talk like that," she said.

"Like what?"

"Guys are… nice," Tawny said, turning to face me.

"Well some guys are," I admitted.

"Guys are dicks," Tawny said, letting out a faint laugh. "Besides… when did little miss decided start liking boys anyway?"

"I wouldn't put it that way," I said. "I liked a boy." A smile broke across my face, and I tilted my head to the side. "He was actually…" I sighed deeply. "Nice," I finished, realizing how it sounded now.

Tawny simply shook her head again. "Nice," she repeated, walking away from her dresser. "What about that receiver you were cheering on all night?"

"Huh?" I looked at Tawny quizzically.

"When the varsity played," Tawny said. "You lost it every time he caught a pass."

"Oh, you mean Nathan? He's just a friend."

"Ah… friend." Tawny flashed me a sly smile.

"I don't get why you're all over me about it," I said. "You said yesterday that you're into boys now too."

"Yeah?" Tawny kept her smile. "I lied."

"What?" I asked, taking a step back. "Why?"

Tawny shrugged. "It makes Tiff feel better. Solidarity, and all that." She tossed a gym bag over her shoulder. "You all set?" she asked, obviously ending the conversation on her end.

"Ready," I said, reaching down to grab my school bag.

Tawny pulled her door open. "Let's hit the road then."

Most of the car ride home was enjoyable. That is if you discounted the five minute rant from Lynne, about how we were going to make her late for work. It seemed Tawny and her sister were always at each other's throats. While I disagreed with my brother on some things, most of our time together had been enjoyable. I was kind of disappointed he had moved out before the school year started. Still, if I had been stuck with an older sister, I would've chosen Tiffany's sister, Kate, over Lynne.

"I don't give a crap what mom said, I'm not picking you up after work," Lynne said to Tawny.

Tawny rolled her eyes, as she turned to face me. "I'll just move in with Bailey," she said. "Then you won't be burdened by me anymore."

"Sounds good," I responded, with a smile.

"Whatever…" Lynne said.

Tawny turned back to her sister. "If you want, we can hit Bailey's house at full speed," she said. "We can just jump out like it's an action movie."

"Stop being such a passive aggressive little bitch," Lynne said.

"I wouldn't be aggressive at all if you let me sit in the front."

"It's because you always mess with the radio," Lynne said.

"I never mess with the radio," Tawny said.

"Right," Lynne said. "It just switches stations magically. Just like the seats, and everything else in the car. Everything is magic! This car was a steal!"

"Well… I see where you get your sarcasm from," I said, smiling at Tawny.

"Please," Tawny said. "I don't get anything from… her."

"You're getting a ride," Lynne said. "So shut it."

"Thank you for the ride," I said, leaning forward.

Lynne looked at me in the rearview mirror. Her eyes studied me for a moment, most likely trying to figure out if I was being genuine. "At least your friend has some manners," she finally said.

"She does have a name," Tawny said. "Speaking of manners…"

Lynne ignored her sister. "And we're here," she said, turning into my driveway. "That'll be fifteen dollars."

"Um… put it on my tab," I said, opening the door.

"Later Bailey," Lynne said, smiling. "Welcome home."

"Thanks."

"I'll see you after work," Tawny said, quickly getting out of the car.

"No you won't!" Lynne shouted.

Tawny just smiled brightly. "Bye!"

Tawny closed the door, before Lynne had a chance to back over her. She quickly pulled out of the driveway, and took off. I watched the car fade away for a moment, and then I turned to look up the street toward Nathan's house. To my surprise, Nathan came driving down the road at that exact moment. He pulled up to the curb, and rolled his window down.

"Hey Bailey," he said.

"Hey," I responded. "This is Tawny," I said, gesturing toward her. "Tawny, this is Nathan."

"Hi," Tawny said, a little shyly.

"Hey," Nathan said. He turned his focus back toward me. "You just get home?"

"I… yeah," I said, looking into his Jeep. "Where are you off to?"

"Weights and game video today," he said. "I'll be home all afternoon, if you want to do something."

"She would totally do that, if she didn't have plans with me."

I looked up to see Amber walking around the back of Nathan's Jeep. Nathan sort of cringed when I glanced back at him. For a brief moment in time, I had forgotten that Amber even existed; let alone lived across the street. I had most definitely forgotten that I had made plans with her. At least up until this moment, when she came strolling up to me.

Amber was the kind of girl that could either cause problems for me, or be the best friend I'd ever have. Despite everyone, including myself, being slightly unnerved by her presence, I felt Amber warranted a deeper understanding. She was like a sapling that somehow managed to jab a root into my life. At this moment in time, I had the patience to nourish it.

"I did kind of make plans with Amber," I said.

"Well… too bad," Nathan said, giving me a disappointed look. "Guess we'll catch up later."

"Yeah…" I managed to get out, before he waved me off.

I watched his Jeep slowly drift away down the hill. Amber stood silently beside me. Her appearance happened to be a stark contrast to the day before. She had ditched her punk rock look, for khaki cargo Capri pants, black Converses, and a distressed charcoal tee. Her nails were still painted black, and the studded bracelet remained. Aside from her "moody" dark theme, Amber looked more chipper than anything.

"Is everyone up at seven on Saturdays now?" I asked, as I looked her over.

Amber gave me a sympathetic look. "I know…" she said, with a tinge of guilt. "I'm so used to military time, that I forget the rest of the world operates differently." She dug the toe of one of her shoes into the pavement, as if putting out an imaginary cigarette. "I can come back later. Or if you're busy with…"

Amber got this look on her face, as if she was preparing to get blown off. A bit of guilt crept into my head, because I was preparing to do just that. Instead, I forced a smile. "I'm just hanging out with Tawny," I finally said, gesturing toward her.

"Hey," Tawny said.

"Hey," Amber responded.

I watched them shake hands for a moment. "You can hang out with us," I blurted out.

"Oh…" Amber said, perking up. "Sure! If that's okay?" Her question was directed more toward Tawny than myself.

"It's fine with me," Tawny said. Though I could tell by her look, she was desperately seeking an out from me.

Amber shrugged. "I just don't wanna cause you any trouble."

I grabbed her wrist, and started to pull her toward my house. "If you cause any trouble, I know where you live," I said, smiling at her.

"Actually, if I cause any trouble, my dad will be on me faster than fleas on a…" Amber feigned a cough. "Well, let's just say it won't be good."

Tawny followed the two of us up to my house. I held onto Amber's wrist until we reached the top of the stairs. Then I dropped it to fetch my key. To my surprise, the front door flew open. My mother stood there in her robe, with only the storm door between us. She didn't look angry, which was a good sign. As I opened the door, she threw her arms around me.

"I thought I heard you out here," she said, hugging me tightly. "Did everything go alright at school?" She pulled away from the hug. "Did you have any trouble?"

"Um…" I glanced at Amber, who happened to be giving me a strange look. "Mom… This is Amber."

"Oh!" My mother looked around the door frame. "I didn't see you there."

"Hi," Amber said, offering her hand. "I live across the street."

"Yes," my mother said, shaking her hand. "I saw you move in over the summer."

I forced my way into the budding conversation. "And you remember Tawny?"

"Of course," my mother said. "Hello Tawny."

"Hello," Tawny said.

"Is it okay if they hang out here for a little while?" I asked, pleading a bit with my eyes.

My mother stepped back, pulling her robe closed. She struggled to force a smile onto her face. "That's fine," she said.

Though I could tell it was not. Over the years, I had a knack for overstepping my boundaries when it came to making plans. That is to say, that most of the time I failed to mention my plans to my mother. The honest truth of the matter, was that I usually forgot small things like inviting someone to hang out. In this particular case, I had totally forgotten that I invited Amber to come over. Therefore, it had slipped my mind to mention it to my mother on the phone the previous night.

Tawny's invite happened to be a spur of the moment thing, where I could have sought approval first. Regardless of my failing to do so, my mother put on her usual front of not caring that I had done the deed. It would most likely result in a lecture later. For the time being, however, she invited Amber and Tawny inside. I quickly followed behind them. As I passed by my mother, she whispered those five words in my ear that I hated to hear.

"We need to talk later," she said. Then she raised her eyebrow at me, before turning to close the door.

"So, you want to hang out in your room, or…" Amber started to say.

"Actually," my mother said. "I just had a thought before you came home."

"What's that?" I asked.

My mother waved for us to follow her downstairs. "Your brother's room is pretty much empty now," she said, as we descended the stairs. "I was thinking of something to do with it." She turned on the light to my brother's old room. "I'd hate for it to turn into storage, or something."

"I guess we could make it into a workout room," I said.

My mother gave me a weird look and shook her head. "No, hun," she said. "I was thinking we could remodel it, and turn it into a bedroom for you."

"Huh?" I glanced at the room and then back to my mother. "Really?"

"Well… yeah," my mother said. "I don't see your brother moving back in. You're in high school now. It would give you and your friends some space, and some privacy…"

"Can I…" I reached up and rustled my hair a bit. "Can I think about it?"

"Hey," my mother said, stepping back. "No pressure. I just thought you'd like a totally fresh start."

"I mean, it sounds good and all," I said, gazing at the room. "Could I have a minute?" I turned to my friends. "Could you excuse me?"

"Are you okay?" my mother asked.

"It's just… I want to change clothes," I said. "Still wearing what I had on yesterday."

"Oh… yeah," Amber said, stepping out of my way. "I gotcha."

"We'll hang out down here," Tawny said, as I slipped past her.

"Just make yourself at home," my mother said. She followed me up the stairs, and down the hall, and then into my room. Apparently we were going to have that talk now.

"Are you mad?" I asked, before she could say anything.

"Hmm?" My mother gave me a perplexed look. "Oh, about your friends? No." She closed the door to a crack. "I want to know how everything went yesterday."

"It went fine," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"No," my mother said. "None of that 'it went fine' business. I don't want our relationship to become that."

"Mom…" I sighed as I looked at her. "I would tell you if anything bad happened. The truth is, nothing did. Everything went great."

"Really?"

"Yes," I said. "I mean, there were a few hiccups getting used to the actual campus. But it felt like a normal day at school."

"Did you like your teachers?" she asked.

"They were okay," I said. "I really like my drama teacher. It might be a good thing that I got the wrong class."

"Well…" My mother looked me over. "Good then. I'm glad everything worked out." She nodded at me. "I was a little worried when you left your friends down there."

"Oh…" I shrugged. "I really did just want to change clothes," I said.

"That's fine," my mother said. "I'd like to get out of this robe too."

I smiled at her. "Okay."

She started to turn, but then stopped. "I do need to discuss something later though." She paused to lower her voice. "I may have found a solution to your medical treatment."

"You found a doctor?" I asked, perking up a bit.

"Well she's a therapist," my mother said. "But she's willing to work with us."

"That's good, right?"

"I hope so," my mother said. "At the very least, maybe she can clear you for another doctor."

"That's great!" I said, wrapping my arms around her waist.

Ever since I got back home, my mother had been fighting with doctors. Most of them had wanted to start at ground zero with me, despite the fact I'd been living as a girl for over a year. They wanted me to start all over; some even wanting to halt my medication for awhile. Which, by the way, was slowly dwindling. It was either that, or issues with insurance coverage. Either way, to hear that we'd possibly found a solution was great news.

"You should get back to your friends," my mother said, pulling away from the hug. "We can talk later."

"Thanks mom," I said.

"You're welcome," she said, leaving the room.

Pushing my door closed, I turned to face my room. I still couldn't believe a lot of my things were still packed. It had been less than a month since I returned home, but I still couldn't believe half of my outfits were still being pulled from a box. Despite being home, it really didn't feel like home. A lot of things had changed, and it seemed a whole lot easier to change my living arrangements now, rather than later.

Maybe part of my disorientation had to do with being rushed. Admittedly I had been a little selfish over the past year. I wanted to spend as much time with my cousin and friends in Nebraska, over the summer, that I kept pushing the move off. My aunt even attempted to convince me to stay when July rolled to a close. I entertained the thought the entire time I was packing.

Now… I simply didn't want to unpack. Perhaps my lack of motivation stemmed from my fear of failing at this endeavor to return home. I strolled over to an open box, and pulled a pair of jean shorts from it. They seemed the most comfortable bet for what had already started to be a humid day. Even the house felt warm to me. Being an older house, it did have its problems with circulation. The weather could have been another factor in my aversion to work.

Quickly I disrobed. I switched out my panties for a clean pair. Then I thought I might as well change my bra too. After which, I pulled on the jean shorts. I grabbed an old, faded tee-shirt to finish the comfortable look, and also taking into consideration that I might be working today. Then I sat for a moment to collect my thoughts, as I worked on my shoes.

A few minutes later, I exited my room. As I strolled down the hallway, I started to worry if Amber would want to see my room. The term "disaster area" couldn't even begin to describe it. My mother had some of my stuff stored away, but some of my old boy things were still hanging around. I probably should've taken the weekend, or maybe the week, to clean it all up. However, I had wandered into another situation where everything seemed rushed, and out of sync.

Tawny would not have cared. She knew who I was, and had openly stated her support and approval. In retrospect, Tawny had been the only one that never really saw me as boy or girl. She hardly ever assigned gender to me. To her, I had simply been Bailey. Amber, on the other hand, seemed open to many things, but I feared revealing my former self to her. It could turn out being a disaster, or elation. Honestly, I would be lucky if it fell somewhere in the "just okay" realm of things.

"So you've been to Colorado?" I heard my mother ask, as I reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah," Amber said. "I loved it there!"

"Aren't the mountains just breathtaking?" my mother asked.

"When they're snow-capped…" Amber said. "Freakin' amazing!"

I almost didn't want to interrupt the conversation. For a second I thought Amber was my mother's friend, rather than mine. My mother didn't even miss a beat when Amber said "freakin';" a word that usually merited myself a scolding. She kept rolling with the punches. Amber seemed to hold her own too. Talking to adults had never been my strong point, but it came so natural to Amber. Hell… everything seemed to come natural to her.

"I'd love to see the mountains one day," Tawny said. "I'd actually like to do some paintings of them."

"Oh, I just thought of something," Amber said. "We could do like a mural on this wall."

"That would be awesome!" Tawny exclaimed.

"I guess we'll have to see if she's even interested," my mother said. "I wonder what's keeping her."

I slowly slinked down the rest of the stairs. While up in my room, I had weighed the pros and cons of moving into my brother's old room. There would be a little work for what seemed like a lot of gain. The room even had its own fireplace. Not to mention, I seemingly already had two friends on-board with helping. It sounded like the decision had been made for me.

"Oh," my mother said, seeing me. "There she is. I'll leave you girls to it."

"Nice to meet you Misses Taylor," Amber said. "You're pretty cool."

"Thanks," my mother said, somehow shocked at the compliment. "And you can call me Susan."

Amber smiled pleasantly. "If you insist."

"I do," my mother said, as she moved toward me. "And that goes for you too, Tawny."

"Sure… Susan," Tawny said.

I brushed past my mother on the stairs. "I'd invite you to my room, but it's kind of a mess," I said.

My mother stopped abruptly and turned. "Another reason to move into Justin's," she said. "There's plenty of room there."

"I said I'll think about it," I said, between gritted teeth.

"Well think fast," my mother said, continuing up the stairs. "Sounds like your friends have already made up their minds."

I stepped into my brother's old room. He had basically moved out right before I moved back in. If I hadn't stayed with my aunt for so long, I could have spent a little time with him before he left. Justin and I hadn't exactly been the closest of siblings. Mostly this was due to our differences in age. However, in recent years he didn't seem to mind having me hang around him as much.

As my friends greeted me, I reflected on the state in which I had left Justin. I practically missed his entire senior year. From Nathan's description, Justin had all but single-handedly won the state championship game for Henley High. He ran in the only touchdown for a 7-3 victory. Afterwards, he kind of stopped caring about football. I couldn't even get him to talk about it over Christmas break.

"So your brother…" Amber said. "How old is he?"

"Huh?" I shook my head to return to reality.

"How old is your brother?" Amber asked again.

"Oh…" I said, strolling over to an old stool. "He's seven… eighteen actually. Just had his birthday over the summer.

"And he already has a place of his own?" Amber asked, with a hint of surprise in her voice.

I chuckled at her. "No," I said. "He's living with two other guys from school."

"Oh, I see."

"So… sort of on his own," Tawny said. "In a way."

"I guess," I said, shrugging.

"Still pretty cool," Amber said.

I looked around the room. It could've done with a little attention. The majority of the walls appeared dingy; save for the few contrasting bright spots where posters used to hang. The cheap carpet, Tom had put in, had always felt rough. There were a few stains here and there as well. For some reason, Justin had moved the television out into the middle of the room. He probably was thinking of taking it with him, but decided to leave it.

"Well…" Amber said. "You can tell a boy lived in this room."

I looked over to see her holding up an old Playboy magazine; her fingers pinching the corner of it. "Would you put that down?"

Amber laughed, as she tossed the magazine away. "Maybe he just reads the articles."

"Right…" Tawny said, laughing as well.

"I don't even want to think about it," I said, shaking my head.

"Why?" Amber asked. "Every guy does… you know…"

I ignored her, and began to fidget with the television. I wondered if the thing even worked still.

"Girls too," Amber said, pushing the issue.

I straightened myself abruptly, preparing to tell her to shut up.

"Do you?" Tawny asked, giving Amber a sly grin.

Amber's eyes grew bigger. "I…"

My grimace suddenly broke into laughter. I watched as Amber's face turned bright red. Finally, someone had found something that could potentially shut her up for a minute. Her arms folded across her chest, and she bit her bottom lip. Eventually she started laughing with me. Although I think it was more out of nervousness, or embarrassment, rather than actually sharing in my enjoyment.

"What about you?" Amber suddenly asked me, in the midst of laughter.

"Of course I do," I said, during a break in my laughter. "I love to read!"

This brought on another fit of laughter, in which Tawny even joined in. I was nearly in tears when my mother knocked on the open door. Amber turned away from us, and tried to control her giggling. I, on the other hand, adopted the look of someone who had just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. In the back of my mind, I was wondering how much of the conversation my mother heard. I cleared my throat as I greeted her.

"I didn't mean to interrupt your fun," my mother said.

"Oh… no," I said, trying to contain myself. "We were just…" I looked at Amber. She was still giggling. "Joking around," I finally said, letting out a slight giggle.

"Well…" my mother said. "I was wondering if you made up your mind." She looked around the room. "You haven't really settled into your old room yet." She wiped some dust off of an old bookshelf. "And it would be easy for you to move."

I glanced around the room. "It's kind of dirty."

My statement prompted a sharp, and rather loud, outburst from Amber. She quickly covered her mouth.

Tawny walked over and started to shake Amber.

"Well we can fix it up a bit," my mother said, thankfully not letting on to our inside joke. "A coat of paint."

"New carpet?" I asked, kicking at it.

My mother looked down. "That really is bad," she said, studying the carpet.

"You sure about all of this?" I asked. "I mean, we could just use it for storage."

"We'd completely forget about anything we stored down here," my mother said, wandering into the room. "It's bigger. It's private." She stopped and looked at another door. "You would even have your own bathroom."

"Which needs a thorough cleaning, I'm sure," I said.

Amber cleared her throat at this, causing me to turn and give her a quick death stare. Tawny slapped her on the shoulder before I turned back around.

My mother nodded absentmindedly. "What do you think?"

"I'll help!" Amber exclaimed.

"Me too!" Tawny chimed in.

I turned to face them. "Really?"

"Yeah," Tawny said. "It's like a blank canvas. Imagine the possibilities."

My mother chuckled. "Possibilities within reason," she said, nodding at Tawny. "And within budget."

"Can I decorate it however I want?" I asked, perking up to the idea.

"Again… within reason," my mother said, giving me a knowing look. "So what do you say?" she asked, coming over to put her hands on my shoulders. "You've already got two friends willing to help, and you didn't even have to Tom Sawyer them into it."

I glanced over at Amber. I'm sure whatever answer I gave, my new friend would explode upon me uttering it. If I held off any longer, I imagined she would be bouncing off of the walls. Tawny seemed excited as well, but more restrained. She looked almost as eager to hear my response.

"Sure," I said. "I guess so."

"Well don't get too excited," my mother said.

"Oh!" Amber exclaimed. "This is going to be so much fun!" She ran over and threw her arms around me, and bounced side to side. "When do you wanna start?" She danced off to the side. "Let's start now!"

"Really?" I asked, watching her for a moment. "I mean, we don't have anything."

"We can plan it though!" Amber exclaimed. Her eyes lit up like fireworks.

"And clean…" Tawny said. Her hands clenched her elbows as she looked around the dingy basement room.

"Well…" My mother looked us over. "Let's hear your ideas. Maybe we can pick some things up today."

The next couple of hours were spent cleaning out my brother's old room. It wasn't at all how I planned on spending my Saturday morning. However, Amber had a way of making even the most mundane task somewhat fun. She seemed like a nice, upbeat and energetic person. It was almost like she had been born to rally people, and push them to accomplish more. Maybe it had to do with growing up around the military.

Tawny seemed pretty well versed in cheering people on too. I wondered if maybe cheerleading was her calling. She had mentioned liking the tumbling aspects of it. The flips, handsprings, saltos, and round offs, all reminded her of doing gymnastics. However, she felt gymnastics put more of a strain on her free time. So she decided to forego the gymnastics, and simply have fun with cheerleading. I personally couldn't say I blamed her.

I plopped down on the couch next to Tawny, and swung my legs up into her lap. She nonchalantly patted one of my knees. Amber sat herself on a stool across from us. We had just finished clearing out the last of the boxes from Justin's old room, and aside from a few pieces of furniture, it looked rather bare. My mother had seen the old Playboy magazines, and promptly showed them to a trash bag.

"Well…" my mother said, strolling into the room. "What do you say we go get some paint, and stop off for lunch?"

"Sounds good," Amber said. Her enthusiasm level had not faltered a bit. "I just have to tell my parents."

"I'm starving," Tawny said.

I glanced over at her. "We didn't even eat breakfast."

"Well that's not good," my mother said. "Amber, why don't you run home?" she asked. "And while you do that, I'll get some makeup on."

"Okay," Amber said, bolting from her stool. "I'll be back in a few."

My mother followed her upstairs.

"How does she have so much energy?" I asked, after the front door closed.

"We were up pretty late with that stupid game," Tawny said. "Plus we hardly ate anything since Tiffany's house."

"I guess," I said. "But still…"

"She did say she runs on military time," Tawny said. "Maybe her parents are strict with the whole lights out thing."

"Isn't that for prison?" I asked.

Tawny shrugged. "It's both… I think."

"Are you really going to do a mural?" I asked, looking over at the walls.

"Probably not," Tawny said. "It would take forever. Would probably have to come over every night after school, just to finish it." Her hand started to move gently up and down my shin. "But you've gotta talk your mom into something other than white walls."

"I was actually thinking like a light teal," I said. "With white shelves and furniture."

"That sounds nice," Tawny said. "Or maybe like a seafoam green?"

"Yeah," I said. I looked up at her, only to find her staring at me. "That would work too," I said quietly.

Tawny's hand stopped moving on my leg. We continued to gaze into each other's eyes. Neither one of us said a word for several minutes. I reached up and wiped a smudge of dirt from Tawny's cheek. As my hand moved away, she caught my wrist in her own hand. She cautiously pulled it back to her cheek. Her lips brushed against the heel of my palm. Her eyes closed.

"Girls!" my mother shouted down the stairs. "Let's get a move on."

Tawny's eyes sprung open. The look in them seemed frantic, as if she'd been caught doing something wrong. She instinctively let go of my wrist. Then she smiled at me. Her other hand patted my bare leg, as if to set me into motion. My head felt fuzzy. I was left with the feeling of not knowing exactly what just happened.

"We should get going," Tawny said. "Mind if I use the bathroom?"

"Uh…" I sat up, shaking my head. "Better use the one upstairs."

Tawny looked over to my brother's old bathroom. Her nose wrinkled. "Probably right," she said, before hurrying off.

I strolled over to Justin's old bathroom in her stead. Turning on the light, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. A smudge of dirt had somehow managed to make it onto my forehead. Luckily the sink was at least clean enough to wash up. Justin had even left an old bottle of soap behind as well.

In actuality, the bathroom wasn't that bad. I expected far worse, having seen far worse when he lived there. Perhaps he cleaned it up before he moved. Or maybe he cleaned it up to impress Katy, when she came over. Then again, I could've been giving my brother far too much credit, and should've probably assumed that our mother cleaned it while he was away. I, for one, knew it to always be messy when I came to collect his laundry.

I decided to use the toilet after all, as it was clean. After finishing up, and washing up, I walked back into Justin's old room. We had some fun times down here. I remembered late night video game sessions in the summer; trying to beat a game we'd rented before taking it back the next day. My first R-rated movie had been seen in this room. Justin eventually had to confess to having the horror film, after I couldn't sleep for several days.

Then Justin got older. He went into high school, and I saw less of him. We lived under the same roof, but hardly hung out together. I started becoming the tag-along little brother. Then I became the tag-along little brother that wanted to be a girl. It wasn't too often that I thought about how that impacted him. I knew he started drinking, but I always thought that was because of Tom. Never did I stop to think that my choice to wanting to be Justin's sister could have made that sort of impact on him.

"Hey," Tawny said, catching me off guard at the door. "About what just happened…"

"I… what do you mean?" I asked, trying to save us both any embarrassment.

Tawny shook her head, as if reading my mind. "I just wanted…"

"Tawny," I said quietly. She grew quiet, and looked into my eyes. "So seafoam green?"

Tawny blinked. A slight smile spread across her lips. I flicked the light off in my new room. Then I walked with her upstairs. We met my mother coming down the other set of stairs, and I opened the door for all of us. Amber was nearly skipping across the street as we got down to the driveway. I opened the back door of my mother's car to let Amber in. Then I turned to Tawny and gave her a wink as she brushed by me to join her.

---

 
 
To Be Continued...