Oh, Cheers: Part 2

FIGHT!

By Melanie Ezell

It's a whole new life for Dane now that he's a cheerleader, but can he deal with the emotional strain of leading a double life? With a little help from his friends, and a bit of his own patented good/bad luck, anything is possible!

“Can you pass the corn chips?”

“No! Come on, they’re closer to you.”

“Nuh uh! Pleeeeeaase?” I gave Patty my best puppy dog look, and it only took her a few seconds to crack up and finally push the chips my way.

“You’re getting too good at this whole ‘girl’ thing.”

“Well, I’m learning from the best!”

“That’s for sure.” Conversation ended as we turned our attention back to the television, just in time to see…

“NO! No no no no no! He was supposed to pick Teresa!” I screamed at the TV in frustration, and Patty started laughing again.

“Are you sure you aren’t all girl?”

“Huh? Why?” I asked, watching in dismay as Steven took Elizabeth in his arms and kissed her deeply, leaving Teresa, the sweet innocent one, in tears.

“Most guys wouldn’t be watching this, for one thing.” Well, I guess ‘Leslie High’ was a kinda girly show. “And if they did, they’d probably go for the hot chick with the big tits too.”

“But she’s a total bi-“ I cut myself off before I finished a word I KNEW my Mom wouldn’t appreciate, and since she was supposed to be home any moment I didn’t wanna run the risk. “Witch. Teresa’s had a crush on him for like forever, and they’re like the perfect- oh, god, I AM turning into a girl.” I pushed myself up off the floor and scooted on my knees towards the television to switch to something else a bit more ‘manly’. Besides, the episode was over anyways, “So, anything you wanna watch?”

Patty rolled over on her back and stuck her tongue out of her mouth, apparently deep in thought. “Uh, nah. Our moms will be back soon anyways, and then we’re all supposed to meet our dads at that new Tex Mex place for dinner, aren’t we?”

I huffed for a moment before admitting, “Yeah.”

“Does your mom still expect you to wear that dress to dinner?”

“YES. She said we have to tell Dad about the whole girl thing sometime, and she wants to do it really dramatic so she can get a good picture of it.”

“Ah, I see. Your mom’s evil, you know that right?”

“Yup.”

===

This was it. It was now or never. I reached up and carefully pushed my way through the double doors into the loud, colorful restaurant, and couldn’t keep my thoughts from wandering back to why I was here today.

We, me and my mom, had been trying to keep Dad out of the loop on the whole cheerleading and girl’s clothes thing, and I thought we’d done a good job. Mom had covered for me at practice and when I was ‘out with the girls’, and somehow my Dad remained oblivious to our nervousness. Why were we sneaking around him? Well, remember my meeting with the Principal after the Pep Rally? Well, when I got back home I was still upset, and since Mom was already home that day I’d ran right to her crying, don’t ask me why, and just poured out all that had happened that day to her like a little kid. She’d gotten an odd look when I finished up telling her about the conversation with him and the cheer coach, and told me we shouldn’t tell Dad about anything just yet until she’d had a chance to think over things some more. She made a couple of calls then, but I didn’t really care so I just sat in the living room watching a documentary on ‘The Sex Pistols’ on VH1, wishing I were as cool as the guys in the band. I bet THEY never got mistaken for girls. I tried to imagine Johnny Rotten with tits- no. Just, no.

It turns out that right before I’d gotten home she’d got a call from Dad. He’d been angry, which was a first for me, and complained about some jerk coming up to him at work and telling him to ‘keep his faggot son away from his boy.’ Well, we came to find out it was Thomas Brody’s dad. Apparently Thomas had come home the day before and talked to him about me and whether I was a boy or a girl. Of course, his dad had never met me, but I guess automatically assumed that I must be gay and trying to corrupt his kid (like that was possible) so he called a few friends and found out where Dad was working. Of course, good ol’ Dad did the old political trick of Deny, Deny, Deny, but Mr. Brody wasn’t buying it. She had me change quickly and we were prepping for a major yelling match when Dad got home. He slammed the door open and stumbled into the living room, and for a moment I was scared outta my mind about what he was gonna do. Then he lifted his head, and let out the biggest, loudest snort I’d ever heard before falling down in the floor laughing his ass off. I just stood there confused for the longest time until he got his wits back, stood up, and came over and hugged me. Then he proceeded to tell us how proud he was- PROUD- that I could get that kind of rise outta ‘old Goatface Garret’. He said that ‘GB’ had been a huge bully in his days in school, and anything that made him that flustered and upset had to be a good thing. I guess the lugnut doesn’t fall far from the tree.

But whatever, anyways, me and mom decided it might not be a good idea just yet to tell dad WHY Brody was questioning whether I was a guy or a girl. He was happy at the moment, and while I didn’t think he’d get angry at me I wanted him to enjoy his fun while it lasted. The police had taken Brody’s dad off the property when he tried to smash up some furniture (Dad says he has anger issues- I was starting to see why Brody never had nice things) and he was banned from the premises, so he couldn’t mess with Dad any more, which was a small victory for Dad that he wasn’t gonna let go.

After that, things just never seemed right. How do you tell your dad you’re dressing a little girly for school now ‘cause you’re a cheerleader? You really can’t do it in a good way, can you? That’s why it was now two weeks later, and here I stood in an ‘LBD’ and NERVOUS and walking towards the table to surprise my dad. From the way his eyes boggled I’d guess he was pretty surprised. And so was Lisa’s dad, who we hadn’t let in on the whole deal yet either.

And from the way my grandma started choking on her shrimp, I’d say she was too.

===

I hugged my knees tightly as I huddled in the corner of the barrier, crying softly to myself. GOD, I screw everything up! Why was SHE here? Why couldn’t I just die?

“D? D! Where are you?” Patty came around the corner of our car and found me there crouched on the pavement, but by now I was beyond the point of being embarrassed around her. We’d seen each other in our underwear enough over the past couple of weeks it wasn’t even funny, and besides, she was my best friend. It was just around family and everyone else I got embarrassed. “There you are!” She rushed over to me, her arms outspread, and wrapped me in a hug the minute she reached me.

“Muh… Muh… Muh… Grandma! What was she doing here!”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry!” My mom rounded the corner and came up to me, sliding Patty to the side so she could hug me too. “Your dad said she wanted to wish you happy birthday since she won’t be here Friday, and he didn’t see the harm in letting her come to dinner…”

“Moooommmm! Whugh, I mean, what did she say! I can’t believe she’s…” I just shook some more as I tried to calm my nerves. My mom just kept hugging me as she explained.

“She was fine, a little shocked at first, like your dad, but fine. She knows about your physical problems, and I already explained to her about your, ah, breasts, and she thinks this was just us playing a joke on your dad. Come on.” I got unsteadily to my feet, and after sniffling a few more times let go of Patty and my mom.

“Sorry ‘bout the way I reacted. I don’t know why, but I saw her, and I saw her reaction, and, and, and I was scared she would hate me, and,” I stopped for a moment to try and quit hyperventilating. It didn’t work.

“Oh, honey.” My mom came up to me again and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. Good thing you refused makeup or you’d have raccoon eyes right now.” That lightened the mood a bit, and I managed a stilted laugh, but it was better than nothing.

===

After a stop at the women’s restroom-something else I’d gotten used to over the last couple of weeks- we made our way back to the table, to find Dad and Grandma laughing with Patty’s mom and dad, all happy and not seeming to be freaked out in the least. Our presence I guess finally registered with Grandma, ‘cause she looked up, and this time when she saw me her face broke into a huge grin and she stood up to give me a much needed hug. “Come here, let me look at you. Oh, you’re just too cute for words, and that dress really makes your, umm…” her face twitched a moment, but quickly cleared,” Yes. Here, sit next to me.” A waiter brought around an extra chair, and I sat down as carefully as I could, making sure to smooth my skirt down like I’d gotten used to doing the times Patty had bribed me into wearing a skirt to school again.

“So, what’s everyone having to drink?” The waiter who had brought my chair asked, and as everyone placed their orders I glanced around the table. Everyone seemed calm and relaxed except me, and when I saw Patty she winked at me conspiratorially. The conversation flowed around me, and unsurprisingly the main subject of interest seemed to be my grand entrance and sudden departure.

“I must admit I wasn’t expecting this,” my grandma said, but in that peculiar way of hers that suggested she’d had her suspicions but didn’t want to ruin the surprise. Her and my dad were a lot alike in so many ways attitude-wise, and it was obvious they were related in appearance as well. My grandma was what you would call a ‘handsome’ woman, though never beautiful, and my dad took after her in that respect. A strong chin, piercing eyes and natural blonde hair even at the age of sixty-eight were just a few of the traits that set her apart from other women her age, but her humor and love of life made her seem barely older than my own parents. “So, tell me, Adam, when did my grandson become my granddaughter?” My dad kinda scuffed his feet and coughed.

“I’d kinda like to know that myself.” The look he turned on me was inquiring, but not unkind. My dad was a wonderful man, and I knew he’d always love me, but the circumstances had, well, changed from what I’d been expecting. “Not that I don’t think she’s beautiful, mind you,” he said, intentionally making me blush, “but it’s not every day a fourteen year old boy shows up to eat in a dress, especially not such a, uh, revealing one.”

Yeah, about that… my mom thought it’d be best to be blatant about how girly I looked, so the dress is one of those ones with the stringy straps that don’t really do that much to hold anything up, and was a little tight in the, ahem, chest area. I’d been growing the last few weeks according to my mom, and it seemed I was up to a full ‘B’ cup now. Also according to her, it was probably a good thing I’d been ‘outed’ as a girl as I couldn’t have hid them on someone my size at this point anyways. The girls on the cheer squad said almost a full size in a little over two weeks is really good-I just thought I was a freak, but that’s the norm lately. “It was Mom’s idea.”

“And mine!” Patty volunteered happily, which brought a glare from me, and an amused sideways glance from her mom.

The rest of dinner was, well, a nice dinner out. After a bit everyone seemed to forget about the dress and instead focus on the fact that I’d be turning 15 on the 24th. I wasn’t all that excited about it seeing as at this point if I wanted to have a party it’d have to be as a girl, but that didn’t slow anybody else down. My grandma’s playful streak came out and I jumped out of my seat when she asked, “So, D-uh, D-d-dana, what are you wanting for your birthday? Makeup? Maybe a doll? Nah, you’re a bit old for them now, though porcelain dolls can be fun. Ooh, maybe a boyfriend?” The rest of the table laughed, but I just sat there with my face a wash of crimson. Finally the giggling and guffaws died down, and my grandma reached across to my hand and said, “I think I have a better idea of what to give you.” She took my hand and held it for a moment, and when she removed her hand I felt something in my palm. I carefully opened my hand and there, in the middle of my palm, was my grandma’s Promise Ring!

“Oh, Edith, you can’t!” My mom proclaimed in shock.

“Oh, yes I can! Besides, it’s ‘her’ birthstone, so it’s only appropriate!” I lifted the ring and looked at it. It was a finely crafted gold band, and across the top were three small white stones. “Opals,” she said. “Go ahead, put it on.” I slid it nervously onto my left hand ring finger. It was a perfect fit.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes but couldn’t seem to keep them down. “Th-thank you…” I leaned over and gave my grandma a hug, which seemed to surprise her for some reason, but she returned it warmly. Patty and her mom both oohed and aahed when they were shown the ring, but I refused to take it off. For some reason her giving me that ring seemed like a sign that she accepted me no matter what and, I don’t know, that felt… special, for some reason.

===

We were loading into our cars when I felt a tug on my elbow. I turned around from a quick last word to Patty to see my grandma there, smiling again in that knowing way and holding a package wrapped in newspaper. “When you see Dane, give him this, but tell him he can’t unwrap it until his birthday.”

“Oh, grandma, I love you,” I gushed as I gave her a tight hug. When I pulled away we both had slightly teary eyes, but it was good tears, ya know?

The car was quiet on the way home, and I was happy to just sit back and admire my new ring. Mom and dad simply sat in the front holding hands across the center console. It was nice.

===

I won’t go into the details of the conversation we had when we got home, but it took care of all the details we’d meant to cover over dinner but hadn’t ‘cause of Grandma. Dad listened and didn’t interrupt, but you could see the laughter in his eyes. There’s nothing that makes you feel weirder than knowing your dad isn’t going to help you out of a fix simply ‘cause he finds it funny; that’s really aggravating, but in this case it was that same humor that probably saved my skin. “Just one question,” he said when we’d finished the story. “You’re still taking the pills right?”

“The testosterone? Yeah.” He gave me an odd look at that.

“It’s not testosterone, son. Didn’t they tell you?” I just shook my head confused. He sighed and rubbed his eyes for a moment. “Apparently I’m not the only one who’s getting some interesting news tonight. Dane, what did they tell you about your condition?”

I thought for a moment. “They said my body wasn’t making testosterone right, and that I had too much estrogen in my system. They also said that I didn’t have some kinda receptor or something, why?” I saw that he didn’t really want to tell me, so Mom crossed to behind him and touched his shoulder in support.

“Son, uh, those receptors you don’t have are the ones that read your testosterone.” I gave him a confused look, but a feeling of dread growing in my stomach told me I already knew what was coming next. “The pills you’ve been taking aren’t hormones, they were meant to try and slow down any development the estrogen might cause so we could try to find some other way to… Dane, ah-“

“Sweetie, what your dad’s trying to say is… you can’t use testosterone very well.”

“What? Why not?”

“Your body just doesn’t respond to it. I’m sorry, there’s really nothing we could do…” I didn’t hear the rest as I slammed my bedroom door, fell on my bed, and screamed.

===

“You look like shit, D.” I glanced over at Patty as we walked to school, but didn’t say anything. What was there to say? “I’m sorry, it’s just-“

“No, Patty, that’s alright. I do, don’t I?” I forced a smile on my face, and although Patty knew it was fake, the fact I was trying seemed to make her feel better. She started skipping ahead, but when she got a few yards in front of me she turned around and called me up to her.

“So, any idea what you wanna do for your birthday? You’ve only got like three more days ‘til then, so you really need ta start thinkin’ about it.”

“I dunno, Sis,” I shrugged. We’d been calling each other ‘bro’ and ‘sis’ for a long time, but seemed to do it more since the whole cheerleading thing started, though Patty had abandoned ‘bro’ entirely in favor of ‘sis’ as well. I dunno, I guess after having been best friends for so long the last barrier between us was finally breaking down thanks to the cheerleading. Huh. “I don’t think I’m gonna do anything this year. I mean, it’s really not that big of a deal, and besides, who’d I invite?”

Patty just gave me a look like ‘well, duh!’ “Well, Duh!” Ah. “All the cheerleaders, for one thing! And aren’t you still friends with that Steven kid and all those geeks?”

“Hey! It ain’t like you’ve never gamed with us ya know!”

“I’m just sayin’. There’s lots of people who like you now, Sis! Maybe we can even invite Brody over!” Oh, please. Ever since the whole rose thing, Brody’s been avoiding me like crazy at school. Some of the other cheerleaders said they heard he felt really bad about picking on me ‘cause he always thought I was just a gay guy or something, and for some reason that made me feel sorry for him. I mean, I know he was mean to me for like forever, but this ain’t quite the way I’d hoped to stop his picking on me.

“Patty! No, okay? I don’t wanna have a lot of people over right now, I don’t feel like it.”

“Well, why not? Are you on your period or something?” Okay, it was a joke. I get it. But, I dunno, I just kinda snapped.

“No, Patty, but since you’re SO concerned about me, maybe this’ll explain!” I was yelling, but I couldn’t stop- I wouldn’t stop. I needed this off my chest, and she’d asked for it! “I can’t be a guy! No matter what, I’m gonna look like a girl for the rest of my life whether I want to or not! How about that huh?”

“But, Dana, your medicine…”

“It’s not working! Look at me!” I threw my bag onto a nearby bench and walked right up nose to chin to her, crying again, like I always seemed to be lately. “I’m stuck like this, a freak, forever! You’ve got it so great, you’re normal, but I’m just- AAARRHGH!” I screamed. And screamed. And cried, and screamed some more. And it didn’t seem to help any no matter how much I tried to let the hurt out.

===

Why all of a sudden? I’ve been doing this thing for, like, a month now, so why now? I dunno, but Patty decided to walk me back home instead of taking me to school, and all I could do was cry.

I mean, it’s not bad this girl thing, but… how did I end up like this? What did I do to make the world decide I was a girl? And why did everybody accept it so easily?

That’s one thing I still haven’t figured out. Fourteen, almost fifteen years spent trying to be a guy, and it all disappears after a couple of weeks as a girl. Not just to them, but to ME too! I can’t even think back on how things used to be without seeing myself as a girl any more. And the crying just doesn’t seem to want to stop ever.

I woke up around noon to find Patty still there with me, laying on my bed and watching me worriedly. Patty, who knew me better than anybody else. If I can’t figure this out, maybe she can. “Sis?”

“Yeah?” She stroked my hair gently, brushing it back from my face.

“Why does everybody think I’m a girl? Do I act gay or something? God, am I such a complete wuss I can’t even pass as GAY then? Why?” I sniffled a bit, and curled up a little tighter. I guess I’d mostly cried myself out while I was asleep, for the first time since this all began, and now I just felt empty and scared, and I didn’t like it.

“Oh, sweetie,” she hugged me tightly, and I could see she’d been crying again too- we always did get each other started. “I dunno, I mean, uh. Huh. It’s just, well,” she hesitated for a moment, then chose to continue. “Remember when I turned nine and our moms took us to Silver Dollar City for my birthday? Remember who I invited?”

I thought about it a moment. Erica, Sarah, Lindy, Carmen, me. “Yeah?”

She shuffled a bit to get a bit more comfortable. “Did you have fun with us?”

“Yeah! It was great, we all rode all the rides together and got necklaces.”

“And you didn’t feel uncomfortable being the only boy there?”

Oh. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I mostly just remember it was nice hanging out with ya’ll.”

“And when it was your birthday a couple of months later, who did you have over?”

Erica, Sarah, Lindy, Carmen, Patty. And I’d invited Miriam and Jonathan, too, but they couldn’t make it. “The same girls.” Now that I thought about it, huh. She must have seen the look of confusion on my face, ‘cause she just nodded. “Okay, so I don’t have that many of my own friends besides you-“

“No, D, that’s just it. They weren’t just my friends, they were your friends too. And they all showed up, and we had a lot of fun, didn’t we?” I nodded. Then she giggled and asked, “But do you remember what Erica’s mom asked yours?”

I thought for a moment, and frowned. “She asked my mom if she knew I ‘pretended’ to be a boy at school.” Another tear made its escape as I remembered the ensuing argument that was the reason Erica was never allowed to play with us again.

I looked at Patty again, and she looked almost as sad as I felt. “I’m sorry D, but you’ve always been a bit girly, at least to me.” She gave me another hug, and I buried my face in her shoulder. “I know you’ve always tried to be a boy but, uh, I don’t know if you can.” How could I argue with her on that when all the evidence agreed with her? “But I don’t care if you’re a boy or a girl, okay? Just be who you want to be. And I’m sorry.” I felt another sob wrack my body, but it wasn’t mine. “I’m SO sorry I made you do this. I didn’t think it would hurt you, it’d just be a bit of fun, but if you’re not enjoying it I’ll take the blame for it. I, I,” and she cried for a bit. All of a sudden, I had gone from being the one being comforted to being the one doing the comforting.

“Patty? Patty, don’t blame yourself for anything. You didn’t hurt me, and it HAS been fun, mostly.” I squeezed her tightly, and we just sat there for a long time, not sure who needed who more.

===

“Dana? Sorry… D?”

“Yeah?”

“Is being a girl really that bad to you? I mean, honestly?”

I pulled myself up onto my elbows as best I could with Patty’s arms still locked around me in a death grip, and looked at her. And looked some more. “I…” I had to think about this. “I, I guess not, not really. But, I mean, I’m a guy, you know? Or I was supposed to be. I thought.” I shifted around a bit to try and get comfortable before continuing. “What I mean is, like, I’ve spent my entire life a guy, and now everyone thinks I’m a girl, and it’s just like, why all the wasted effort? No, not that- why make me think I’m one thing, but actually another? Or, no, uh… oh, I dunno, Patty.” She hugged me again, and I smoothed her hair for a bit as I thought.

I seriously hoped Mom wouldn’t be mad when she got home and found out we’d skipped. She’d always told me- and I think Patty’s mom said the same thing- that we could just tell them if we didn’t feel like going to school, and even if we weren’t sick they’d let us stay out if we had a good reason, but this was the first time we’d done it without permission in a long time. Heh. “Patty?” She shifted around me a bit. “Do you remember the last time we skipped school?”

“Hehehe, yeah. Fourth grade.” She finally pulled herself up to lay on the bed, her head resting on the pillow next to mine. “We ran off ‘cause the fair was in town. We were gonna join up and become carnival people, ‘cause we didn’t understand the difference between a carnival and the fair.”

“Yup. And remember what happened when the girl who ran the haunted house found us accidentally trapped in one of the cages?”

“OH, yeah.” She had to stop talking for a moment to giggle a bit, and I joined her as I reminisced myself. “She called our parents, and then dragged us up to the main office thing they had set up, and when we tried to explain we were there to join the circus, she, she…”

“Yeah. She set us to work cleaning out the livestock pens until our moms got there.” I curled up my nose at the memory of the stench of all the cow manure we had to shovel that day. “We promised our moms never to skip school or run away again.”

“Yup. I had my fingers crossed, though. You?”

“Me too.” We both just lay there and laughed for the longest time, until we passed out from the emotional strain of all we’d been dealing with. I, for one, could use the rest.

===

“Oh, they’re so sweet.”

“And in SO much trouble.”

“Well, yeah, but not just yet. Look at how cute they look, lying there all curled up together, just like when they were babies.”

I rolled over a bit to try and stretch, only to find myself held firmly in place by a still snoozing Patty. So, I just rubbed my eyes for a bit to try and find who was talking. I had just enough brain cells going to spot my mom and Patty’s mom in the doorway. They both made ‘ssshhhhhh’ gestures at me, and closed the door again, so I just laid my head back on the pillow and passed out.

===

When I woke up again Patty was gone, but the bed was still warm where she’d been. I rolled myself off the bed and glanced blurry eyed at my alarm clock to see what time it was.

WHAT! Five in the afternoon? I know we were up until noon at least just talking and crying, so we must have slept for at least four hours… “Patty?”

“In here.” I followed the sound of her voice out my bedroom door, down the hall, and into the living room to find her sitting with both our moms and dads, all of whom seemed worried. “I was just trying to tell them why we weren’t at school today,” she started, but I could see she still wasn’t sure what to tell them. They didn’t seem angry at least, so maybe we wouldn’t get in too much trouble.

“Would you care to tell us what’s goin’ on, son?” Her father, Ruben Noland, asked. He was a tall man with dark hair, and seeing him always made me think of an older version of that Colin Farrel guy from the movies. Patty took after him a lot more than her mom, but even so he was a lot different than Patty- not colder, just a lot more neutral.

“Sorry, sir, I wasn’t feeling too good, and Patty decided I didn’t need to go to school with how I was feeling.” There, no lies, just, well, bending the truth a bit.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Uh, I guess a bit.”

It was my dad’s turn next. “You had us worried a bit, you know. The school called us to say you weren’t in, and we were all about ready to go searching for you. Luckily we decided it’d be best to check the houses first before sending out the hounds, otherwise you’d be in a lot of trouble right now.” My dad. He could take almost anything in stride, but the second something happened that he thought could hurt someone he loved he was always a bundle of nerves it seemed. I could run around in skirts all I wanted, I guess, but if I tried to go boardin’ without my helmet he’d go almost neurotic telling me all the safety precautions I needed to take. Wasn’t the clothes thing dangerous too? Oh well, whatever. My dad’s weird.

“Dad, we weren’t in trouble or anything, I just, I, please Daddy…” Shit!

“Dane, get back here!” My mom was calling to me, but I just slammed by bedroom door and locked it.

===

God. Pardon my language, but my ass got REAMED when I finally opened my door back up. Not for skipping, no, for running off like that. At this point I just wasn’t sure I cared though. I just let them yell and cry until they couldn’t any more, and I couldn’t feel anything for a bit. I went to bed early, and still felt nothing. And I woke up in the morning, and felt nothing again.

I grabbed some of my old clothes- my baggy boxers, a pair of baggy jeans, and a baggy tee shirt with baggy socks and too- big shoes. I wanted to give being a boy another shot, and this was the best way I knew how, but looking in the mirror shattered any hopes of that. All I’d managed to do was make myself look like a dorky twelve year old girl wearing her big brother’s clothes. And they were uncomfortable, too.

Ah, fuck it. I wore them to school anyways.

Patty met up with me on the way to school, but didn’t say anything about the way I was dressed. It was a cheer practice day today, but I didn’t even care about that. I just went through the day on autopilot, skipping lunch to go to the library, and leaving for home right after last period. I just didn’t care.

When I got home, though, I found Mom already back from the salon and waiting for me. “We have to talk.”

“Mom, I-“

“Now.” Whatever. I slumped into the couch across from the armchair she’d positioned herself in, and just stared at her until she started to speak. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Dane! Last week you were fine, this week you’re moping around like the world’s falling apart around you. Now, I know you, and this isn’t the kid I raised you to be, so spill.”

And I did. It was like a dam bursting, and I couldn’t stop the words from spilling out. My embarrassment over being looked at as a girl, my feelings of shame that I couldn’t be a boy, my unanswered prayers just to be normal, even my fears about losing my place on the squad. All of it, including the things I wouldn’t even admit to Patty. Right along with the fears and disgust at being a girly boy was the fear that somehow, someone would try and make me stop being a girl. I wanted to be a normal girl- no, guy. Hell, I don’t care, I just wanna be normal, it doesn’t matter how. But no, I had to be this THING. And I hated myself for it. I loved being a cheerleader, but I also loved all the stuff I’d always done as Dane too. I loved being liked, and not being picked on, but I hated the feeling that I was just putting on an act all the time. It, it just wasn’t right, ya know? And Mom just sat and listened, and didn’t say anything. Finally, when I ran down and collapsed back onto the couch- when did I stand up?- she came over and sat next to me, wrapping her arms around me just like Patty had the day before.

Huh. Had it really only been two days since we’d had dinner with Grandma? But… I was happy then, so why not now? “Hormones,” my mom sighed, like it explained everything. I was feeling an awful lot better now, though. As long as I had my mom and dad, and Patty, I’d be alright.

And I didn’t even want to cry about it, either. In fact, I think I could even smile.

===

The next day was pretty normal. Really! Seriously though, me and Mom had a talk. She told me I didn’t have to be a girl if I didn’t want to, but that with what was happening to my body it’d probably be easier. She also told me she’d set up another appointment with the doctor to talk to me, so I decided to get dressed nicer again, and after I called Patty to see if she’d come over and walk with me again today I even agreed to wear a skirt like she asked me to.

Which makes what happened next all the more embarrassing.

“So, have you decided on how you want your party to be tomorrow?”

“Patty, I’ve told you already, I don’t want a birthday party. I’m just gonna spend the afternoon with you and our parents, okay? Maybe rent a couple of movies or something, please?” She gave me her long suffering exasperated look that nevertheless meant she was going to acquiesce to what I wanted- I’d come to just call it Sigh #34.

“But can I at least let the girls on the squad know so they can get you presents or something?” I returned Sigh #34 back to her in response, and she giggled and jumped around happily. But when she reached for my hands to try to get me to dance too, I tried to pull away, and ended up stumbling backwards.

Just as I was stumbling backwards, a breeze picked up. I’d felt relaxed and fairly- oh, alright, I was feeling really GIRLY this morning- and had decided on a kinda airy gauzy tie dyed skirt, which had a bad habit to blow about a lot in the breeze anyways…

I fell, my skirt somehow managing to flip up all the way to my armpits. And just at that moment, James ‘soccer boy’ Williams pulled up in his new Fit to offer us a ride.

“Gee, Dana, pink underwear?”

“Patty!”

“Guh, umm…”

“James!”

“Come on and get up, or are you waiting for TB to come by and see your pretty panties?”

“GAARYGH!”

“Hey, it was a joke!”

And if it hadn’t been for the stupid skirt, I woulda caught her before we reached the school too. Huh, just wait, Patty, you’ll pay. Oh, you’ll pay.

===

Patty tried to slap me when we got to our lunch table, but I dodged her and ran behind Lisa, who was sufficiently enough larger than me to make a decent shield.

“You little Bi- rrh, Witch, I’ll get you for that!”

I knew I’d not hear the end of it for a while, and probably have a few bruises too, but the wedgie had SO been worth the pain.

===

“Owwie.” And thus I found myself again being supported by James, only this time on the way out to his car. She’d sneak attached me on the way to my locker and accidentally ran me head long into it, which is why she was on my other side and apologizing profusely.

“Oh, Dana, I’m like SO sorry it won’t happen again I’d never hurt you you know that oh god please don’t be mad at me it was an accident I-“

“PATTY!”

“Yeah?” She looked sheepish for a moment, and I calmed down.

“’Zokay. Jes’ need a lil’ rest. Ooh.” I wobbled and fell against James, who just picked me up like he’d done last time, like it was nothing. Wow, he’s strong. I was kinda out of it though, and when one of his hands slipped and brushed my breast I couldn’t help but giggle at his embarrassment.

“Dana, you little tease. Sorry James, I swear she isn’t normally like this.”

“Oh, I know, I watch her in class all- uh, that is, I mean, uh. Shit.” I giggled again, but shut up when Patty gave me a hard stare. But as soon as she stopped I got all giggly again. No, I got hysterical, and James nearly dropped me when I started convulsing with laughter, but the pain in my head quickly made me have to stop.

“Double owwie.”

“Tease.”

“Girls, come on, stop it. I’ll give ya’ll a ride home.” I just held on the rest of the way to his car, not wanting to fall or be dropped or carried off by giant flying spiders. What?

“Uh, Dana, you can let the big hunky boy go now, we’re at his car.”

“Oh.” I blushed. And my head hurt.

“Now, please?” Patty was so impatient today! Geez, like she wouldn’t-

Aah, yes. Okay.

“Dana!”

“Sorry!”

===

Patty got out with my at my place ‘to help me get inside’, but the moment James pulled away she was on my like, like, uh, something that’s really on something or other. God my head hurt.

“D, I don’t know what you were pulling back there, but were you even thinking?”

“Patty, what are you talking about?” All I did was hang on to him. Besides, he was big. And warm. And he smelled good. And I started freaking. “Uh, ohgodohgodohgodwhatwasIdoingohgodhe’saGUYandI’MaguybutIwasliketotallyalloverhimandOHNO!!!”

“Yeah, D. Were you even thinking back there?”

“Oh, Patty! I dunno, I mean- wait, you HIT me! This is YOUR fault!”

“What? How so? I didn’t make you latch on to him like a lovesick little GIRL, did I?”

“No… but it’s still your fault.”

“Whatever.” But she hugged me, so I know she wasn’t really mad at me or anything. And my head wasn’t hurting so much now either, but the confusion remained just a bit.

===

The next day was pretty boring. I wore jeans, that’s probably why. My life seems to get way too interesting when I wear skirts, and for the life of me I can’t figure out why. And I was very successfully managing NOT to think about James. And him holding me. I wonder if- no no no. Oh, shut up. The point is, things were pretty calm and quiet and easy for a bit. Then cheerleading practice rolled around.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

“AAAHH!”

All the girls were there in their uniforms already when I came out of the locker room, and they had a cake and presents, and Miss Cole had the stereo turned to some pop station or another. That’s one thing I still needed to work on these girls about- music. Why couldn’t we be listening to some ‘X’, or ‘Siouxie and the Banshees’, or maybe Johnny Rotten something or other? I should be so lucky. But more importantly, “How did ya’ll do this?”

“Oh,” Lisa stepped up holding one end of the cake with Shelby on the other, “Patty told us weeks ago when your birthday was,” the sneak, “and we always do this for any girl’s birthday! So Happy Fifteenth!” She handed me a large cake server to cut the first piece with. The cake was beautiful, decorated in the school colors with ‘Happy Birthday Dana’ on the top in blue icing and some mini poms sticking out of it. I almost started crying, to think they all like me enough to-

“WHA!” My thoughts were interrupted by a world of white and sugar covering my face and chest.

“Shelby!”

“Oh, come on, that was funny!”

===

Me and Patty were still laughing our heads off when Lisa dropped me off home.

“Hey you two, don’t forget about homecoming next week! The entire cheer team’s gonna have matching costumes for each day, so we’re getting together tomorrow to plan them and goin’ shoppin’ on Sunday! Ya’ll need to be there, ‘kay?”

“Sure,” Patty said for us. Since neither of us had practices on weekends this time- wait, did I forget that? State Gymnastics and Martial Arts were going on in December this year, but we’ve been pushing so hard in our classes they decided everybody deserved a week off. Figures, first weekend I really had to relax and I gotta do costumes, le sigh. “What time do we need to meet up tomorrow?”

“I’ll call ya’ll, but probably around noon.”

“’Kay, we’ll be ready!”

“Great!” Lisa enthused. She seemed to have adopted me and Patty as ‘her freshmen’, and since the entire team had made me the pet project of the year I’d spent more time with her and in more intimate situations than most of the guys at school could imagine in their wettest dreams, and yet sadly, I felt no attraction. Not her, not Nancy (who was still a total witch to me). Not Shelby, not Kelsie, not Miranda, not Patty (eww, she’s my SISTER, gross!), none of the girls. I wondered about this as I watched her drive off, but I didn’t have a heck of a lot of time as Patty drug me to the door to continue the birthday celebrations inside with our parents.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” The cake was beautiful, decorated in the school colors with ‘Happy Birthday Dana’ on the top in blue icing and some mini poms sticking out of it. Oh, ha ha, Patty. I just sighed, made my wish, and blew out the candles.

===

Money from my mom and dad, money from Patty’s mom and dad, and money from my Uncle Chuck and Aunt Raychel too. In my mom and dad’s case (and I think in Patty’s parents’ case as well) the money was ‘cause they weren’t sure what to get me. After all, would a girl’s present be better than a boy’s? Le sigh. My Uncle Chuck always sent money, but what always made it interesting was that it was always from a different country. He didn’t have to work ‘cause of some big settlement before I was born that NOBODY will tell me about, and did a lot of traveling. This year it looked to be Japanese Yen, let’s see, calculator with exchange rate, carry the two, uh, about thirty bucks worth, nice. Now if only I were in Japan, yup.

Finally it was time for my wrapped presents, or I guess I should say present. I took Grandma’s package and sat it in my lap for the ‘before’ picture my mom always took for one of Grandma’s presents. Here’s the thing- if my uncle’s present of money from around the world was weird, then my Grandma’s presents were always from way out in left field. When I was nine she’d bought me twenty boxes of band-aids shaped like strips of bacon, when I was twelve it was a set of African fertility statues (my dad thought that one was hilarious; she said it was to help with the birds and the bees talk), and last year it had been a bag of potting soil with a few packages of seeds. They were always interesting presents, and useful or fun in their own way, but it always made me feel like I understood just that little bit more why my dad was so weird.

I ripped through the paper slowly, unsure what I would find inside. The package was kinda cylindrical and oblong and soft for the most part, so maybe it was raw hamburger for all I knew, or a fake weasel or-

Yarn?

And needles. And a book on how to knit. What in the hell?

“Ooh, that’s really sweet of her! I’ve been telling your Grandma for a couple of years now I wanted to teach you how to sew or knit, and lookie here!” My mom was happy about this? Huh.

“Thanks Grandma,” I kinda mumbled under my breath, but I was smiling.

===

The movies were so-so, but me and Patty just had a blast gorging on popcorn and talking up a storm, occasionally quieting down when one of my parents came out to tell us to. We’d had a sleepover almost every birthday since we were three, why not now? It was getting late, though- or early, depends on how you look at it- so we were finally settling into my bedroom when Patty reached into her pack and pulled out another wrapped present.

“This is from me, and me only,” she said, blushing a bit as she brought it to me. It was wrapped in a bright pink piece of cloth, and tied off at top with a long gold tassel. All I had to do was pull the tassel to release the cotton sheet- baby blanket? Inside was something I’d never have expected in a million years.

“Pooh bear?” I lifted up the large plush animal to take a closer look, and sure enough it was Pooh Bear.

“I mean, you don’t have any stuffed animals, or dolls or anything, and I remember how when you were little you would always carry him around when you were at my house so…”

I reached out and gave Patty a tight hug. “Thank you.” I was tearing up AGAIN, but in a happy way this time. Pooh Bear wasn’t an actual Winnie the Pooh, that’s just what I’d named him when we were five because I loved Winnie the Pooh so much. He was just a large, plushie white teddy bear with a big pink bow around his neck. And yes, I used to carry him everywhere when I was at Patty’s. “I didn’t think you still had him! Oh, Patty, I can’t accept this, I mean, you know.”

“Oh, come on, he’s always been yours really. Besides, you’ve been kinda down lately and I figured you could use the company.” I squeezed the bear, and thought how lucky I was to have Patty as a best friend.

===

“That’s IT! I HATE you!”

“FINE!”

Mom came in right at that moment and looked at us with murder in her eyes. “All right you two, what’s going on here?” She was about to really bite into us until she saw my face. Her anger turned to a twitch, to a smirk, to a grin, and she quickly closed the door. I heard laughing as she headed back down the hall towards her own room.

Meanwhile, I continued trying to beat Patty to death with a pillow after waking up to find myself in full KISS-style makeup.

===

“GOOD MORNING, ladies!”

“HOORAH.”

Okay, so it was kinda lame, but we’d all taken to kinda doing this weird greeting when we met up early in the day. It’s a cheerleader thing. Lisa clapped her hands a couple of times for silence, and as one we all turned our attention to her to start the meeting. “Okay, it’s homecoming this week folks, and I know I’ve left it kinda late but we need to get together our plan of attach! SO, here’s the days as I know ‘em. Monday is Traitor Day, when we have to dress in another school’s colors. Tuesday is Camo Day, so we all have to wear camoflage. Wednesday is Hillbilly Day, so we all have to dress like, well, hillbillies. Thursday is Costume Day, since Friday is Spirit Day, and the day of the homecoming dance, pep rally and the big gamre. We also have our first away game on Wednesday night! SO, any ideas?” Shelby raised her hand, but everybody ignored her- it was for the best.

===

Saturday, and one week ‘til Halloween! This is gonna be the first year I’m not actually Trick or Treating, Patty too, but maybe the homecoming dance’ll be fun. Since the cheerleaders are in charge of decoration we’re gonna do it really creepy and have a combination Halloween slash Homecoming dance thing. I think the phrase ‘creepy but elegant’ was Nancy’s exact words when we were working it up. Lots of black crepe paper and orange and silver bits everywhere, with long white tapers placed everywhere the school will let us since the dance is in the cafeteria. We ain’t a huge school, but we’re big enough the gym wouldn’t hold all of us with enough room to dance, and after second lunch shift Friday we’ve got until the pep rally starts to get our decorating done while the basketball players do the gym. I dunno, I used to not get into all this stuff but it’s like the more time I spend with the other gir- ahem, cheerleaders, the more I seem to get into all the dances and things. What can I say, school spirit never felt so good before! And the pep rally was gonna be fun, too, ‘cause the girls let me pick a song to put into our cheer mix! It was kinda hard to find a song I liked and work out the eight counts for it, but I finally decided on a song called ‘Saturday’ by Go Betty Go, and all the girls seemed to like it too, I just hope the school does when they hear it! We’re only doing like a minute of it but-

God, I’m even starting to THINK in run-on sentences. That’s sad.

ANYways, we decided to walk back home from Lisa’s ‘cause Patty wanted some Taco Bell. It was pretty warm for late October, so we were both in shorts with tank tops- I don’t know why I felt it necessary to mention that, but we were. I didn’t know that James worked here on weekends.

“Hey, Patty! Uh, hi Dana.”

“James!” I’d always thought James was pretty nice, and he seemed happy to see us too.

“James.” Jeez, Patty, what’s up with you?

“Hey, what’re you girls doing this afternoon? I get off in like fifteen minutes, you wanna do somethin’?”

I said ‘Sure!’ right at the same time Patty said ‘No, thanks’. James looked from one of us to the other, and I just got red ‘cause Patty was staring at me like I’d just grown horns.

“Excuse us a moment, James. Dana, follow me please.” Patty started pulling on my arm hard, and I soon found myself in the bathroom. “Whadda you think you’re doin’?”

“What, he wants to hang out with us, so…”

“No, he wants to hang out with YOU, I’m just along for the ride.”

“Oh, come ON, Patty.”

“Seriously, ‘Sis’. Now, if you’re interested in him, just say it, okay?” What!? She can’t mean, I mean, I’m a, no.

“But, I mean, Patty it’s not like that.” She just gave me a look. “It isn’t!”

“Okay, then. Kiss me.”

“What!”

“Well, if you like girls you’ll do it. In fact, I’ll make a dare with you. If you can kiss me and not be grossed out, we’ll both go out and hang out with him. If not, I dare YOU to go out with him ALONE.”

“Patty, that’s not fair!”

“Isn’t it?” She just glared at me, but when she saw how nervous I was her look softened almost to a concerned face. “Hey, seriously, if you like him it’s okay, I just want you to think, ‘kay? ‘Cause he’s interested in YOU. So, do you like him?” She gave me an encouraging look, but I still felt really embarrassed.

I’d been trying to ignore or step around the whole sexuality issue for weeks now. Well, ever since the first time I’d found myself in his arms back in September. It scared me, but it’d also felt good, which scared me even more. And so I just ignored it. I wasn’t attracted to the girls in cheerleading, but I was always afraid of being found out just a little bit so I just put that down to nerves. So I ignored it too. Besides, they’re all good friends now- or most of them are, anyhow- and you don’t fancy your friends, ya know? And Patty’s my sister practically, how ‘m I supposed to KISS her like that in the first place? I mean, we’d kissed cheeks before, but I’m pretty sure she means a kiss on the lips, gross! But, was it so much ‘cause she’s my sister or ‘cause she’s a girl? I tried to imagine myself kissing one of the other girls at school who I thought were pretty. Huh, just doesn’t come to me. I mean, is it gross though? Not really a gross idea but still.

Then I decided to do the unthinkable. Whew, okay, here goes. Imagine James kissing you. Wrapping you in his arms. Holding you again. Touching your lips with his tongue, and you lean in and…

“Oh, no! You DO like him, don’t you! I KNEW IT!”

“I do NOT!” I objected, but I knew my face was red as a beet.

“You DO! Just LOOK at yourself!” She pointed to the mirror and, oh god. Ah, let’s just say They were showing through my tank. Bad. “Well, I’m DEFINITELY not leaving you alone with him now!”

“Whah?” I just looked at her confused. “But I thought you said-“

“Yeah, but if this is the kind of reaction you had, and I KNOW what you were thinking about, I’m not gonna let you outta my site with him ‘til I know it’s safe. Where’s your cell, I’ll call your mom and let her know we’ll be out a bit later than expected, YOU just stay here and calm down a bit.” I blushed, and rushed into the closest of the two stalls to hide until she was gone. God, what have I gotten myself into THIS time?

===

“Ya’ll like Mexican food, huh?” We’d never gotten our Taco Bell, so James was taking us out to dinner. We both nodded, and soon we found ourselves pulling into Ortega’s jammed parking lot.

“James, we can’t afford this!”

“My treat, both of you.” I was about to object, but Patty pinched my butt from the back seat and all that came out was a surprised “Ack!”

And the food was delicious. At first I was li- crap, stupid valley girl crap- I was kinda jittery and not really talkative, but after a little bit he got me and Patty loosened up with some funny stories of soccer mishaps and stuff, and we were soon having an animated three way discussion.

“So, after we finish ya’ll wanna go see a movie?” I looked over to Patty carefully, and when she nodded I smiled at him.

“Yeah, that’d be great!” A pained look crossed his face, though, and he got a little red.

“Uh, I’ve only really got enough cash left for two tickets though…”

“Oh, just get Dana’s, I’ll pick up my own.” Patty, what are you doing now! But instead of saying something I just kicked her under the table.

“OWCH!”

“Oops, sorry James! I was trying to-“ but Patty was cackling now, and he couldn’t have heard me even if I had finished.

===

There was only a short line to see the new Firefly movie ‘Connecting Flight’, for some reason, but we weren’t complaining since it got us in that much quicker and on to the action. We were just about settled when James rushed off to the bathroom, and Patty stole a chance to talk to me.

“Girl, he’s really got the hots for you.” I’d already been doing a lot of blushing lately, so why should a crowded theater change things? “So, you gonna kiss him tonight?”

“Patty!”

“SSHHH!!” Oops, too loud. Patty slapped me lightly on the shoulder, but James was returning, so she sat back.

“Can’t see a movie without popcorn and a drink.” He set the extra large soda in the holder between us and Patty snatched the popcorn before he could find a place to set it.

“I thought you only had enough for two tickets?”

Patty’s question caught him off guard, and he knew his deception had been seen through, but then I practically saw the lightbulb over his head before he replied, “Well, yeah. Two tickets and the popcorn and a drink.” Patty rolled her eyes, but marked a point in the air for him. I just giggled a bit before we were shushed again.

===

Apparently sticking a monkey in a straight jacket in your movie is some kinda way of sayin’ somethin’ right now, ‘cause there was one this time too. I’ve gotta figure that out.

“That was awesome!” Patty’d spent almost the entire movie on the edge of her seat- she had all the DVDs of the TV show and the first movie already, and all the comics, and she’d even custom modified some of her old Barbie dolls into figures from the show. Jayne was my favorite since she didn’t have a dark haired Ken so she’d filed the boobs off of a Chelsie or whatever her name was figure and cut off all her hair. She used an old Aladdin figure for Simon, and- well, she’s a big fan.

“Yeah, it was really cool!” James was pretty excited too. About fifteen minutes into the movie he’d grabbed my left hand and not let go the entire time, and when we got up to leave he’d kept my hand in his. It made me a bit confused, but it felt good too, and I didn’t want to embarrass him so I left it there. “Did you like it Dana?” He looked down at me with those big puppy dog eyes of his and I almost couldn’t keep standing.

“Hey, moony girl, he asked ya something!” Who said that! There was laughing behind me, but no one there when I turned to look. Whatever.

“It was a lot of fun, I liked it. I think I’m a bit more of a fantasy person myself, though.”

“So the pretty little Princess likes stories about Princesses, huh?”

“Shut UP, Patty!” Screw this, she’s goin’ DOWN.

===

“Do ya’ll always have to hurt each other?” I would have said ‘no’, but I was too busy leaning my head back trying to stop the blood from my nose with a piece of toilet paper. All I could manage was a weird side to side shake of my head that made me dizzy. Patty just stayed on the grass and groaned for a bit.

It had started out innocently enough, but then that bench came out of nowhere. I was luchy- I saw it coming and just fell flat on my face. Patty ran into it full tilt and flipped over, scraping her knees and getting some good bruises to her forearms too.

“Are you okay Pat?”

“Yeah. You?”

“I think so. Can you walk?”

“Uh huh.” Then I heard her giggle and let out a fake moan. “Ooh, I’m not sure, can James carry me like he does you?”

“MINE!”

“What?”

Oops. Did I say that out loud? Le Sigh. At least James seemed to be happy, ‘cause he was sure grinnin’ like a fool.

===

“Thanks for the food. And the movie.”

“’Twas my pleasure.” James had opened the car door and escorted me to the apartment’s front door holding my hand. I wanted to tell him to let it go, or pull it away, but I didn’t. I could tell Patty was a bit miffed that we’d left her to let herself out of the car and follow us, but her head still hurt her enough she didn’t wanna have to talk I guess, and after the bloody nose I wasn’t feeling too sorry for her. I reached for the door handle to open it, but before I could wrap my hand around it the door seemed to fly open. And there stood my mom, looking at me standing there with a boy. And holding his hand. And wearing his hoodie too.

“Hello.”

“Hi Mom.”

“Uh, Hello, Miss Phoenix.” We stood there for a few moments in awkward silence, nobody knowing what to say. Patty wandering up holding my rolled up tank top didn’t help any. Mom’s eyes bugged out for a moment, but she quickly went back to being cool as ice.

“Well, aren’t you gonna introduce me?”

“Oh, yeah! Mom, this is James, he goes to school with us and is on the soccer team. James, this is my mom.” He held his hand- the one that wasn’t holding mine- out to my mom, and she took it carefully.

“Might I ask whose top you’re wearing, Dana?” I looked down and suddenly realized what she was thinking.

“Oh, uh, it’s James’s, but it’s not what you think, Mom, there was so much blood on my top that-“

“BLOOD!” She went deathly pale for a moment, and I realized I’d made another mistake.

“Mom, it’s okay, just, urgh, and I’m not even wearing a SKIRT today!” I stomped a moment in frustration, and when I looked up everyone was giving me this weird ‘are you okay?’ look. “What?!”

===

James finally let go of my hand and left after what felt like five hours, and so I was left trying to explain the whole skirt thing, which brought gales of laughter from Mom and a skeptical glance from Patty. “I haven’t noticed anything happening just ‘cause you wore a skirt.”

“What about Thursday when James drove by?” My mom gave me another hard look, so I was stuck recounting THAT to her. She was trying to hold the giggles in I swear, I don’t know if she wanted to laugh at me more or berate me. Laughing finally won out.

“But that doesn’t prove anything.”

“Tuesday when we went to dinner. The week before that on Thursday when it got caught on the book cart and nearly buried me under encyclopedias. The one when we went to the movies and that guy grabbed my ass, the time-“

“OKAY OKAY OKAY, I get it already! Jeezus.”

“And what about-“

“NOT! Another word. Dana, to your room and to bed. Patty, you too. And if I hear ya’ll talking all night long I’m not gonna be sympathetic if you’re still tired when I get ya’ll up in the morning. And NO FIGHTING. I think I’m getting a headache…” We knew better than to push Mom now, and we were gone in a flash.

===

Sunday we went shopping for costume stuff. Since all us cheerleaders got together to do costumes that go together me and Patty had to get a lot of different accessories that most of the other girls already had. Not only that, but I had almost NOTHING for my Thursday costume, and I wasn’t really looking forward to it. Why? Well, the girls decided we’re all doing pop stars and famous musicians, and so we wouldn’t have any arguments over who was who (like you can stop it) we all had to write out two suggestions and drop them in a shoe box. Then Lisa had everyone draw a costume. I was hoping for one of my own suggestions of either Cyndi Lauper or Joan Jett since they’re both pretty cool and would be fun to do, but instead I drew Sheryl Crow, so at least my hair will work okay. Patty got Debbie Harry from Blondie, lucky her, while wouldn’t you guess it, Lisa got Cyndi and Nancy got Joan Jett. Kinda figures, don’t it? So, that’s why we were in the mall, and I was thinking about whether or not I wanted to burn almost three months worth of allowance to get a brown leather jacket that would be perfect for my costume.

“Hmm…”

“I say go for it. It’s perfect, and all we’d need after that’s a pair of pants with a snakeskin pattern and you’d be set. God, you’re lucky, you get to look like really cool, I have to dress like a coke whore.”

“PATTY!”

“What, like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” I reluctantly shrugged- well, Debbie Harry was kinda drugged out looking. Probably ‘cause she was kinda drugged out. A lot.

“Hey, do you have any boots I could borrow?”

“My feet are too big, you probably need to ask someone like Shelby who’s closer to your size.”

“I dunno, I don’t think Shelby likes me much.” Shelby was about my size with very red hair, but she tended to be a bit mean to me.

“Oh, that’s just what she’s like to everyone. In gym in sixth grade she once stole everybody’s underwear and wouldn’t give ‘em back. We had to go the rest of the day with-“

“Patty, I don’t need to know that!”

“Just sayin’. I’m sure if you ask nicely she’ll bring you a pair, I know she has some nice cowgirl boots that’ll be perfect, and she can be pretty nice when she’s not being a complete snot.” I just ignored her. And bought the jacket. It’s been getting colder so I need a good jacket anyways, and since I’ve gotta be a bit girly most of the time now a girl’s jacket can’t hurt. And as much as I hate to admit it, it looks really cute on me too, kinda folk rock elegant if you know what I mean. Well, I thought it made sense.

Two hours later and about another two hundred bucks poorer (goodbye laptop, hello L.E.I.) we had all the accessories and things we needed for our cheerleading stuff for the next week, so I decided that since we still had another half hour or so before we needed to leave Patty could stand accompanying me to the book store to see about the Mazes and Monsters books Stephen had been using last month. This was the first chance I’d had since that weekend to really get a chance to look for them, and I didn’t wanna miss it.

“What’s a girl like you doin’ in a geeky place like this huh?” Oh my god, he didn’t. “Need a hand finding the Cosmos?” I turned around to smack the sexist asshole only to be face to face with a very familiar lecherous grin.

“Steven, you prick!” And I smacked him anyway. “What’re you doin’ here yourself?” He was rubbing his face where I knew he’d have a hand print, but he had that same smile still on.

“Oh, a little of this, a little of that. Gettin’ a new Monster Compendium that’s up to the new rules, that kinda thing. And ouch. You know, it really turns me on when girls slap me around, do it again.”

“Perv!” I laughed. He may be a perv, but I also knew he’d never do anything to actually hurt me, and if I asked him to he’d even stop picking on me, but that’s Steven for you. “Stop staring at me like I’m some piece of meat, too!”

“Ooh, I love it when you boss me around. Let me get my whip.”

“STEVE!”

“Okay okay, sorry. Hey, gaming again this weekend if you wanna come. Grace is gonna be there again, and since ya’ll did so well last time I’m even gonna continue the campaign we started.” Well this is a first for him! “We’re starting late Saturday and goin’ until Sunday night.”

“Live Wire and Slim Jims?”

“Yup!” He laughed. Whenever we were planning more than eight hours straight of gaming it was always the same thing, a case of Live Wire and a crapload of Slim Jims each to keep us awake and greased up for the long haul. We’d once stayed up four days straight using this method with copious amounts of Half-Life to help out. It was great, but…

“I dunno, Steve. I mean, I’ve got the game Friday night, plus the Dance afterwards, And all week long we’ve got to prepare for the Dance, and I’ve gotta do all the cheerleading stuff, and the away game, and…” Whoa. My life’s getting’ busy, ain’t it?

“Pleeease?” What’s he- is he- oh god not here in public! Steve actually climbed down on his knees in front of me and started begging! “We need you, oh divine one! Without your presence our gaming company would be but a worthless rabble with no purpose, beautiful master! Lay your boon upon us, oh scintillating vision of pulchritudinous onanism!” Huh? And then I noticed where his eyes were pointing, and I screamed.

“STOP LOOKING UP MY SKIRT YOU PERV!”

===

“So you wanna come? I’m sure he’d let you make a character and join in.”

“Heh, no thanks, D. I can’t see how you and Grace can stand being around that pervert, isn’t it gross?” I just shrugged.

“You get used to it, and he’s really harmless.”

“He’s still a perv.”

“But he’s got lots of fun stuff to do, and he’s been my friend for a long time.”

“He’s still a perv.”

“But the other guys aren’t, and do you really want me to leave Grace there alone?”

“But HE’S still a perv.”

I sighed.

===

“I dunno if I want you spending the night at Steve’s, sweetie, not with what’s going on.”

“What?” She gestured to my tee shirt and denim skirt. Oh. “But moooom!”

“Don’t ‘but, mom’ me young la- er, man.” She coughed in embarrassment and seemed to deflate a bit, but got ready to continue. I did my best to just ignore the slip. “You don’t look much like a boy right now, and though I hate saying it you can’t really, I’m sorry.”

“But Grace is going too!”

“I’m sorry, but if her parents let her stay there with a bunch of boys that’s their choice. You’re not.”

Geez, what’s Mom’s problem? “Mom, why are you treating me like a baby? It’s not like we’re having sex or anything?” She got this weird look on her face a moment, and then looked guilty. “Oh my GOD, Mom, you didn’t? GROSS! I mean, just- EWW! That is like SO disgusting, Mom.”

“Well, I, you…”

“Mom, I’m not a slut like some girls are.” I thought about what I said. “Or some boys. And I do NOT like Dan or Alex like that, either!”

“And Steven?”

“Huh? I mean, well, yeah.” Well, I thought that went without saying. “Mom, you’re right, he’s a boy and I’m I guess not any more really,” god that hurt to say, “but Grace and me stayed in the other room last time from the guys, and his mom and dad’ll be there too. Come on, Mom, I GOTTA go, they need me!”

“You stayed in a different room?” I could see the smallest crack in her resolve starting to open up, and a bit of hope show through. “And you were alone in that room with this girl Grace? All night?” I could see the crack slamming closed with a snap. Whafuck?

“What? So I can’t stay with boys ‘cause they’re boys, and I can’t stay with girls ‘cause they’re girls? Mom, would you make up your mind?” I was angry, but this wasn’t like my mom anyways. Both her and my dad had changed so much since the news about my hormones, and even more since the whole girl thing was out in the open. They used to be relaxed about most of what I did, and now they were like all the time on my case about being careful and things. I’m not a little girl, why do they keep treating me like one?

“To your room, now.” Shit. “I’ll think about the weekend, but if you backtalk me one more time, you can’t go to the dance either.”

“MOM!”

“NOW!”

I slammed my door and lay on my bed for a while before putting on some music to try and drown my own thoughts so I wouldn’t start crying again. Not tonight.

===

Monday. And here I found myself in my mom’s old cheerleading outfit from high school. Hell, before yesterday I hadn’t even known she’d BEEN a cheerleader in high school. That was back in the before time anyways, back in like the EIGHTIES. But all the girls had agreed that for Traitor Day we’d all be cheerleaders from different schools, so here I was in the brown and gold of Westmoore High. Whoo-pee. Wednesday we had the away game, so all I gotta do is survive until then, and since Patty’s wearing her mom’s identical outfit I knew I’d not be the only one wearing the hideous colors.

“Hey sexy!”

“FUCK OFF JERK!”

I think the ugliness gave her a short temper today though.

===

Tuesday. Camo day. All I have in camo is a big baggy pair of pants, so those and a white tank with an olive jacket over top’s about all I can do. We’re all doing face paint before school though, and Lisa said she’d have us some camo ribbon for our hair today too.

“Wazzup GI Jane!”

“FUCK OFF!”

And I think that was the same guys from yesterday too.

===

Wednesday equals hillbilly day equals overalls. Or at least it used to. Nancy and Lisa’s idea of Hillbilly has a bit too much Daisy Duke in it for me, though. As in, a pair of them. Well, almost. At least I talked Patty out of making me tie my flannel shirt off at my bellybutton, but since they’ll probably send me home for indecency anyways ‘cause of how short the shorts are I don’t think it was a big victory. And I’m cold too.

“You little chickadees need a ride?”

“FUCK YOU ASS!”

“Patty, language!”

“And fuck you too!” She said with a grin.

“Ugh, no thanks.” At least that got a laugh out of her.

===

And here I was at the end of the day, still dressed as a copy of what’s-her-name from that show with the people on the island, waiting to load on a bus to go to a basketball game. Alone, ‘cause nobody else was ready yet.

“Hey, Dana!” Lisa approached from behind me, but when I turned to greet her I noticed she looked a bit upset. “Why haven’t you changed yet?” She was already in her uniform, and I could see behind her a couple of other members of the team wearing theirs. I panicked.

“Oh god, I didn’t know I was supposed to change here!”

“Well, hurry off and change, we’re leaving in like ten minutes!”

I don’t think I’ve ever moved faster than I did then, and I was out of those stupid hillbilly clothes and into my cheerleading outfit in a flash. Heh, I never thought I’d actually be HAPPY to be changing into this thing, but I actually felt less exposed in it than in the tight shorts Patty’d made me wear that morning. I pulled my hair up into the twin bunches I’d gotten used to using with the uniform as I rushed back out to the bus, and made it back just in time to be pulled in by Miss Cole as the doors slammed.

“Always cutting it so close, aren’t we, Miss Phoenix?” She was kinda smiling a bit when she said it, but I knew she wasn’t completely happy I was late.

“I didn’t know I had to change first.”

“Now you do, remember next time, please?”

“Yes ma’am.” I found Patty and collapsed into the seat next to her. She already had her headphones on and was grooving to the sounds of whoever she was listening to, so I left her be and pulled out my own MP3 player.

“Who ya listenin’ to?” A cute black haired junior girl, I think her name was Halley, asked me from the seat in front of me.

“Uh, I got a lot of stuff on here. I’ve mostly been listening to the Sex Pistols lately, but I’ve also been listening to a lot of The Mars Volta, Offspring, and a little Siouxie and the Banshees, too.”

“Oh, cool!”

I felt like I had to say something else, so noticing her headphones I asked, “What about you?”

“Oh, it’s this Japanese band called ZZ, they did some music for this show called Eyeshield 21 and I liked their sound so I downloaded some of their stuff.”

“You like anime?”

“Yeah, I know it’s like really geeky but it’s so much fun. You watch it?”

“A bit, what’s your favorite?”

“I dunno, maybe Milk Tea or Maburaho, what about you?”

“Um, I kinda like Ranma,” I admitted. It always embarrassed me to say that even though I knew it was pretty popular.

“That’s cool, my older sister likes that show. Have you seen the new season of Full Metal Panic! Yet?”

And so we continued like this for the next couple of hours, just talking about cartoons and TV and who we thought was cute on what show- which felt weird talking about cartoons, but she seemed to have a lot of opinions on it- and before I knew it we were pulling into the parking lot of Red Bluff High while still debating whether DEARS or Ah! My Goddess were the better show.

===

Oh, wow I was tired. Two boys’ games and a girls’ team game, and we had to cheer them ALL. Shit, I feel like- well, shit. But it was FUN. The more I do this whole cheerleading thing the more I like it, and the girls who I do it with are so fun to be around! I mean, it’s kinda weird them not knowing I’m a guy and all, at least I’m pretty sure they don’t ‘cause they woulda freaked since we dress in the same locker room and all, but I feel really comfortable with them most of the time, ya know? Me and Halley were sitting at opposite ends of the bus this time, so I didn’t get to talk to her this time, but that was okay. I just put on my headphones and turned on some Third Eye Blind and passed out. When we got home I found myself leaning against Patty, who was asleep next to me, but just woke her up and fell back asleep when we loaded up in the back of my mom’s car.

===

“Oh my God, D, you look like REALLY hot.”

“I am hot, it’s burning up in this getup.” Not really, it actually felt fairly good since it was a bit chilly today, but I had to complain about it somehow, didn’t I? “And it makes my boobs look too big.”

“Sweetie, for someone your size your boobs ARE big.”

“Whatever.” Here I was dressed up as much like Anna’s picture of Sheryl Crow as possible, which meant skin tight faux snakeskin pants (65.00 on sale), a white tank top (5.00, WAL- MART) and the way expensive brown leather jacket (300.00 on sale). I also had on Shelby’s cowgirl boots (two burnt CDs and a new lip gloss) and Mom had done my makeup (losing an argument over whether it was needed). All so I fit in with my friends (priceless). GAH, TOO MANY COMMERCIALS.

“Hey, what’s that behind your back Sis?” Patty didn’t answer, but just held her other hand up in a ‘shush’ motion.

“Hey Chicas! Wanna take those costumes off for us?”

The chocolate pudding filled balloon splashed beautifully across the windshield of the jerk’s car, and by the time they’d gotten things cleared off enough to follow us me and Patty had already beat feet for school.

===

“Hey Dana, nice costume!” I turned around to find Steve dressed as-

“Oh my god, Powdered Toast Man?!”

He just grinned like an idiot and headed off for class.

===

Le Sigh, at least I’m used to wearing our own school’s cheerleading uniform to school, but that still didn’t mean I had to enjoy it. Okay, I didn’t have to enjoy it MUCH. Maybe a little. But only a little. It is cute on me.

“You girls ready to go?” When she had our consent that yes, we were ready and yes, we had our bags and yes, we would be home before the game and no, we weren’t gonna get hurt at the pep rally, she pulled out of the drive and towards school. “Why did you two want a ride today anyways?” We didn’t answer, but just scrunched down in the seat in case we passed the guys with their car on our way to school.

===

“One, Two, One Two Three GO!
Fight, Brighton, Fight, Brighton,
Blue and White, Blue and White,
Win, Brighton, Win, Brighton,
Play to Win, Win the Fight!
Go, Brighton, Go, Brighton,
Play that Ball, Steal that Ball,
Win, Brighton, Win, Brighton,
Show them you’re the best of all!
GO COUGARS, WOOHOO!”

===

“Mom, this dress is too small, I’m practically falling out of it!” The little red piece of cloth I had on barely held me in up top it seemed, and I was less than comfortable with the way it kept wanting to ride up my thighs, but Patty had said it made me look gorgeous and-

“Well you should have thought of that when you bought a strapless, honey.”

“But I didn’t want this dress, Patty picked it out. I wanted the green one that went with my eyes, remember?” It had been really simple, with slit sleeves and looked really nice, but Patty said it wasn’t appropriate for homecoming. I personally thought this one was even less so, but she was really enthused when she found it and even with my experience being a girl so far I still had problems telling her no when she got that really sad look on her face. Also she threatened to shave my head if I didn’t. I actually considered the alternative before finally just getting the stupid dress, but maybe I should have chosen to be bald.

Mom gave me a weird smile that nevertheless clearly conveyed the message ‘you are such a girl’ straight to my brain.

“No I’m not!” But all she did was laugh and nod her head.

===

I wasn’t having that much fun at the Homecoming Dance. It was nice, and the girls were a lot of fun to dance with, but Homecoming is something you’re supposed to have a date for, ya know. I’d been asked by a few guys, but I turned them down ‘cause it just didn’t feel right, but now I was really starting to regret it, especially when all the other girls- I mean, oh, whatever- ran off with their dates. Even Patty had a date for tonight, Devin Michaelson, one on the players on James’s soccer team. I wondered for a brief moment who he’d brought, but shoved that thought out of my mind as quickly as possible. It didn’t matter, did it?

“Uh, hi.” I looked up from my soda to see a dark grey suit on a fantastically fit looking body. I let my eyes slowly scan up to find James’s head on top of it.

“Oh, hi James. Um…” what’s wrong with me? God, I feel like I can’t speak! I looked up at him blushingly, and was surprised to see he looked as nervous and uncomfortable as I felt. He cleared his throat a couple of times, and then tried speaking again.

“I was wondering if, um ya wanted to, uh, maybe dance with me?”

I felt a thrill go up my spine. Geez, calm down, gir- Dane. “Won’t your date mind?”

“Date? Oh, uh, I didn’t bring anybody.”

“Really!” Don’t sound so happy, dammit! “Ooh, I mean, why not?”

“I thought you’d already have a daeeeeaahh, no real reason.” Liar. And I giggled. STOP IT! “Anyways, I saw you just sitting over here, so, uh, would you?” He held his hand out to me, and I looked at it for a moment, considering my options.

I’m a guy. If I dance with a guy, does that make me gay?

But I’m dressed as a girl. So, would I just be doing it to fit in?

I’ve been out with him before. Like, on a date. Well, kinda, Patty was there. And he held my hand.

And I liked it. Did THAT make me gay?

But my body was pumping me full of girl hormones. God, that thought still makes me wanna cry when I really think about it. But does that make me a girl?

And he is SO cute. Did I just think that? Yes, I did. Blame it on the hormones.

I took his hand and smiled up at him. And he smiled back.

===

“Dana?”

“Yes?” It felt so good to rest my head on his chest while we danced, and even in my heels he still dwarfed me. If this was gay, it wasn’t that bad.

“Can I, um, kiss you?” I tensed up for a moment, and we stopped moving. “Uh, sorry.”

We danced about for a bit more while I thought. But I didn’t wanna think, I wanted to do.

“James?” He looked down at me worriedly, so I lifted myself up on my toes and placed my lips on his. It felt good, and so did his arms wrapped around me. When we pulled apart, I just grinned at him and said, “The answer is ‘Yes’.” We kissed again, until a bright flash brought my attention back to the real world like forever later.

“Okay, now one with the clothes OFF!”

“Shelby!”

===

End of Part 2

Notes:
If it seems like there's something missing between parts one and two, that's 'cause quite frankly there is. The story of 'Oh, Cheers' is technically five parts: Part 1- GO!, Part 2- FIGHT!, and Part 3- WIN!, tell the main body of the story and because of that I'm writing them first. The other two parts are interludes between the three main parts telling of Dana's gaming adventures from the viewpoint of her gaming character, which is why I'm waiting to write those parts until I've finished the main story arc- I don't want to get distracted writing a different character and forget to finish the main story, after all! So, while it shouldn't detract from the main story or make it harder to understand, I know it may feel a bit odd reading the story without the interludes at first, so just bear with me :p

Comments are appreciated, whether good or bad- I can't improve if I don't know what I'm doing wrong! Thanks for reading the story, and Part 3 should be out in about one to two weeks!

Melanie E.