“Three cheers for the college girls!” Charlotte announces. “Hip hip-“

“Hooray!” The modest number of partygoers cheer.

“Hip hip-“ Charlotte repeats.

“Hooray!” The partygoers again reply.

“Hip hip-“ Charlotte yells at the top of her voice.

“Hooray!” The party goers again cheer as Sarah, Katie and Lauren stand at the front of the room, their cheeks burning with embarrassment.

“Oh my god, thank you all so much,” Sarah laughs as I look on with pride, clutching a glass of champagne in my hand. “We’re all going to be working REALLY hard over the next three years so we may not be able to get to as many parties as we did over the summer…”

“…So all the more reason to enjoy this one!” Katie giggles, making the room cheer again as the music restarts and the three girls head back over to me.

“You know,” Katie sighs. “It really should have been the FOUR of us starting uni on Monday, not just the three of us…”

“Oh- let’s not start this again, please,” I sigh. “You know I’m NOT a model student, far from it! You three, on the other hand…”

“Well, we’ll see,” Lauren laughs nervously. “Uni is way more intense than what we were doing the last two years, after all…”

“Though the ‘not being able to get to as many parties’ is a complete lie, I take it?” Katie teases my lover, who giggles bashfully.

“I may have… Exaggerated a little,” Sarah says, making the four of us giggle uncontrollably. “Hopefully the student parties will be better attended than this one…” I stare around at the half-empty room and sigh sadly- Sarah is, as usual, correct. The usual ‘Angels girls nights in’ that were a feature of our Saturdays over the past few months have all but disappeared- one of the ‘original’ Angels is a contestant on this year’s Strictly Come Dancing so is currently at the studio where it’s recorded. Two of the other ‘original’ Angels are there cheering her on, Out of Heaven- the ‘Angel girl band’- are in Manchester ahead of a TV appearance tomorrow morning, and even Jamie is unavailable tonight, supporting her boyfriend as he recovers from his SRS.

…Though the description of Stuart as ‘Jamie’s boyfriend’ is now out of date, as last Saturday- on Jamie’s birthday- he got down on one knee and popped the question to Jamie. My mentor of course accepted, making Stuart Jamie’s fiancé- and making me miserable for the last week.

I’m happy for Jamie, of course. She IS my mentor and one of my closest friends, she’s always been there for me when I’ve needed her, but the sight of her with a beautiful diamond ring on her finger… It just drives home the fact that I’m not wearing one on mine. I’ve been eighteen for almost seven months, but during that time Sarah hasn’t so much as hinted that she wants to marry me at any point. We still spend virtually every waking moment together, of course, and if anything my love for her has grown, but our ring fingers are both still empty.

I keep telling myself that we both need to wait a little longer- a thought my counsellor repeatedly confirms- and I’d be happy to wait if it wasn’t for one thing- the ring that I know Sarah owns. I keep replaying in my mind the moment I found the ring, trying to convince myself that it wasn’t just a dream- my memory of the event is far too vivid for that. And yet, I haven’t seen so much as a trace of the ring since that first ‘discovery’ so many months ago.

Sarah, of course, was over the moon about Jamie’s engagement. If she felt that Jamie was ‘cutting ahead’ of us, she certainly didn’t show it. All the way home from Jamie’s party, she was excitedly gossiping about the impending wedding, the inevitable hen night, the possibility that Jamie may pick me as a bridesmaid... Seemingly oblivious to the fact that I am desperate to be a bride. HER bride.

And then, once she’d stopped obsessing over Jamie’s wedding, she started obsessing over her upcoming university studies. Whilst it’s perfectly understandable that she’d be excited about it, it yet again hammered home that as much as Sarah loves me… She doesn’t want to marry me. So why, just why does she own that ring…

“Hey girlies!” Dannii squeaks, approaching us and giving Lauren- but only Lauren- a gentle hug. “This is so exciting, you’re going to be going to SO many proper uni parties… Such a pity they don’t have sororities in England!”

“From what I’ve seen of them, that is NOT a pity at all!” Lauren giggles, wriggling free of her former BFF’s hold. Whilst we have all forgiven Dannii to an extent for her actions earlier in the year, she’s still a very ‘dominating’ presence, and more importantly, a constant reminder of how close Sarah and I came to separating. Fortunately there’s no chance of Dannii ever getting between us again, as she seems happy with her new much older boyfriend- for now, anyway.

“Paul keeps telling me about his uni days,” Dannii laughs. “How he’d party all night then work on his assignments, sometimes going whole days at a time without sleep…”

“Yeah, well I NEED my sleep!” Lauren laughs.

“And I NEED another drink!” Katie giggles, leading us to the bar where we’re plied with yet more glasses of champagne. By the time we leave the party just after midnight, the five of us are very much the worse for wear, the combination of our high heels and Charlotte’s gravel drive not helping as we stumble toward our rides home.

“See you later, college girls!” Dannii laughs as she gets in her boyfriend’s car, whilst Sarah, Katie, Lauren and I pile into the back of a black cab. Before I can snuggle next to Sarah on the back seat, however, I’m rudely ejected from it by Katie and Lauren, who scrunch up next to Sarah.

“Quick, get a photo!” Katie laughs, handing me her phone as she drapes a pink and gold-coloured sash bearing the phrase ‘college girl’ over the three of them. I smile as Katie uploads the photo to Instagram, but in my drunken state, all I can think of is how ‘Nikki & Sarah’ is fading away…

“That was so cool of Charlotte to throw a party for us,” Sarah laughs as we return home and she slides out of her silver knee-length dress- one of her own creations, naturally. “Even if hardly anybody came…”

“Yeah, but all the important people were there!” I laugh as I unzip my tight black minidress, before sighing happily as I unclip my strapless bra and step out of my tight black thong, standing fully naked before my lover.

“Yeah, it’s so cool the way the Angels have, like, ‘adopted’ Katie and Lauren…” Sarah says, giving me a quick kiss before diving underneath the bed sheets. I smile as I immediately recognise Sarah’s ‘hint’ and also dive under the sheets, snuggling against my lover’s warm, naked form only to find that she’s immediately fallen asleep. Sighing, I loosen my grip on Sarah’s waist and rest my head down on my pillow, quickly falling asleep myself.

“Dearly beloved,” the minister announces. “We are gathered here today to join these two people in the union of holy matrimony.” I smile as I walk up the aisle in my pristine white wedding dress, only to freeze as I suddenly become aware of everyone staring at me- and it’s not the ‘right’ kind of staring like most brides receive. I look up to the front of the church, only to see Jamie- also wearing a wedding dress- and her fiancé staring back at me with confused looks. Now panicking, I stare down to my side where Sarah is sat in her graduation cap and gown, also staring at me with confusion in her eyes.

“Nikki,” Sarah chuckles. “What are you doing?” I open my mouth to respond, but no words come out as the stares of everyone in the church begin to bore into my skull…

“Aah!” I gasp, opening my eyes and shielding them against the glare of the morning sun.

“Mmph,” Sarah moans, my sudden awakening having also woken her. “Nikki? What time is it?”

“Ugh… 8:15,” I say after checking my phone. “Sorry I woke you…”

“No… Earlier I’m awake, earlier I get rid of this damned hangover,” Sarah sighs, swinging her bare legs out of bed and shivering as the cold air meets her hairless skin. “God, you can tell that dark tights season is just around the corner!” I giggle as Sarah heads into the shower, emerging a few minutes later to get dressed, making a show of rolling a pair of thick black tights up her legs before donning a long-sleeved grey top and a pleated black miniskirt. I jump in the shower immediately after Sarah finishes dressing, and once I’ve dried myself I dress for the day, also making a show of rolling my thick black tights up my soft, hairless legs before pulling on a comfortable short-legged, long-sleeved playsuit with a wide brown belt that cinches in my waist.

“Mmm,” Sarah says, cuddling me from behind. “Even if you DID buy that playsuit from a shop and not from me!” I giggle as I turn around and strike various feminine poses for Sarah, who playfully applauds and wolf-whistles as I shake my backside for her.

“The miracle of oestrogen,” I giggle.

“How long is it now, 2 years and 4 months?” Sarah asks.

“Yep,” I say happily. “Got to admit, when I started taking the oestrogen, I never thought I’d FEEL this different, both inside and outside… It’s like I’ve only really started to feel, you know, ‘right’…”

“Aww,” Sarah laughs, giving me a quick cuddle and pressing her chest into mine. “You definitely FEEL right to me!” I laugh as I give Sarah a long, lingering kiss, and all of my anxieties from last night begin to melt away as our lipsticks begin to mingle and our tongues explore each other’s mouths.

“How about we, you know, just go back to bed?” I ask Sarah, who giggles wickedly.

“Wish I could,” Sarah sighs. “I promised Lauren I’d go round hers to do some reading, want to hit the ground running tomorrow!”

“You’ve already read all your course books twice!” I laugh as we head downstairs to be greeted by my parents and (technically, at least) my baby sister. “Do you really need to keep re-reading them?”

“Think we’ve found out why your big sister isn’t going to uni herself, Jenny!” Mum says to my sister, making her giggle and everyone else laugh at my expense.

“Oh- whatever, I love my job…” I feebly retort as I plop down on the sofa.

“There’s no shame in not being a university person,” dad chuckles. “I didn’t go, none of your grandparents went…”

“This little one is, though!” Mum giggles as she cuddles Jenny close to her. “Aren’t you, Jenny?”

“Way to make your firstborn feel inadequate,” I say, making my parents chuckle sadly.

“You know we’ll always love you, fancy degree or no fancy degree,” dad laughs. “You got a fancy job with a celebrity employer at the age of seventeen, for god’s sake. What parent wouldn’t be proud of that?”

“I guess,” I say. “And, obviously, Jenny IS going to grow up to be super-smart and super-popular!”

“Too right!” Mum says as Jenny giggles at the repeated mention of her name. I also force out a laugh, but every time my parents sing the praises of my eight month old sister, I can’t help but feel that she was born to replace me, to be everything I wasn’t- to be the GOOD child, as opposed to the ‘defective’ one. Mum and dad deny this, of course, but the fact remains that Jenny wasn’t an accident- she was a planned baby, and was only planned after I began my life as Nikki.

Sarah and I head out shortly afterward, soon arriving at Lauren’s house where the two girls dive straight into their books, comparing notes and discussing potential upcoming assignments. What they don’t do, however, is spend any time behind their sewing machines. In the past, whenever Sarah and Lauren had collaborated, they’d always work on one of their latest masterpieces- that I would inevitably end up modelling for them- but today they don’t even look in the direction of their fabric supply, leaving me feeling more and more like a third wheel as the women continue to prepare themselves for the three years ahead."

“I’m sorry, that must have been unbelievably boring for you,” Sarah says as we get back in her car, six long hours after we arrived at Lauren’s house. “Even if we were talking about gorgeous, girly clothes!”

“It wasn’t too bad,” I say, giggling to disguise the half-truth. “And besides…”

“…You’re wearing gorgeous, girly clothing and you ARE a gorgeous, girly girl?” Sarah asks, making me giggle even harder.

“… I was going to say ‘that’s what smartphones were invented for’, but your answer works too!” I laugh. “To tell you the truth, most days I barely even notice what I’m wearing… Unless it’s one of your masterpieces, of course!”

“Good to know,” Sarah says with a smile. “I still can’t believe you’ve still got every dress I ever made for you…”

“Why would I ever get rid of them?” I ask. “They’re gorgeous, truly beautiful… Like their creator. And besides, they’re part of your imagination, which makes them part of you, and I LOVE you. I’d never get rid of anything that reminded me of you. Never.”

“Aww, that’s so amazing,” Sarah coos. “I love you too, so, so much… Don’t ever forget that, or doubt it, not for one second.”

“I won’t,” I say, linking my hand with Sarah’s when it briefly becomes free. “Girl love forever!” We arrive back at Sarah’s home shortly afterward, where we spend the rest of the evening watching television before heading to bed. I sigh happily as Sarah helps me free myself from my playsuit, though my expectations of a night of passion are thwarted when Sarah once again snuggles up under the bed sheets before we get anywhere near each other’s most sensitive areas. No, I don’t doubt that you love me, I think to myself as I wrap my arms around Sarah’s slender waist. But I do doubt whether or not it’s the same way that I love you…

Sarah’s alarm goes off at 7am, waking me from a thankfully dreamless sleep. I roll over and am momentarily startled to find myself alone in the cosy double bed, before realising that Sarah obviously wasn’t going to get much sleep last night- today is a very, very big day for her. Sure enough, seconds after I open the door to her en-suite, she steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around her wet, naked body before blow-drying her long brown hair.

“Nervous?” I ask my lover as I take her place underneath the shower.

“A bit,” Sarah confesses. “I’d be terrified if I didn’t know that Katie and Lauren would also be there…”

“Glad that you didn’t go to Salford, then?” I ask.

“Oh, you have NO idea,” Sarah laughs. Yeah, Sarah, I think I do… I think to myself.

“Don’t forget I know a thing or two about starting a whole new life,” I retort, making Sarah laugh happily.

“Ah, touché,” Sarah giggles. “Hopefully I’ll be as good a student as you are a woman!”

“Well, I couldn’t have done any of this-“ I say, stepping out of the shower and displaying my naked form to Sarah. “-Without you.”

“And if it wasn’t for you,” Sarah says, wrapping her arms around my soaking wet neck, “I’d probably be starting on a course of medicine or chemistry or something today. We really, truly complete each other.”

“I love you,” I whisper, gently kissing Sarah as the cooling water runs down my face.

“I love you too,” Sarah whispers back, kissing me again before handing me her blow-dryer. “Now get yourself dry! I know you’re free today, that means you’re driving me to uni!” I giggle as Sarah heads back into her bedroom to get dressed, before following her a few minutes later to find her dressed in just a bra, a thong and a pair of translucent black tights.

“Going for the minimalist look then?” I ask, giggling as Sarah hurls a pillow at me.

“I’m starting a course in fashion design,” Sarah explains. “I need to get the look right, absolutely spot on…”

“You studied fashion design for the last two years at college,” I retort as I pull on my own bra, thong and tights. “Just wear what you usually wear.”

“That was at a local college,” Sarah says. “This is at an internationally-acclaimed university. I already know there’ll be students on my course from Germany, from America… I need to make the right first impression, but I can’t be TOO over the top…”

“What’s Lauren wearing?” I ask.

“Just her purple top and a denim skirt,” Sarah says. “You know her, she hardly ever wears her own stuff…”

“This,” I say, handing Sarah one of her silvery grey long-sleeved tops. “And this.” I hand Sarah a short pleated black skirt.

“These’ll go great with knee-high boots,” Sarah says as she unzips the skirt and steps into it, wriggling to get it above her hips before picking out a pair of said boots.

“Okay, guess I’m not wearing boots today, then,” I say as I pick a red turtleneck jumper and a tight black miniskirt out of my drawer.

“You’ll still be girly and gorgeous in flats,” Sarah says, before standing up and giggling- the extreme platforms on her boots put her head a full 2 inches above mine.

“And in those boots you can pretend that you’re still attending ballet this morning!” I say, making Sarah giggle as we grab our handbags and head down to Sarah’s car.

“That was so good of Krystie, moving the lessons to Wednesday so that we could still attend,” Sarah laughs. “Not that you couldn’t have gone yourself!”

“It’s no fun without you,” I laugh. “Nothing is…”

“Not even this?” Sarah asks as she plays with the hem of my skirt and the stretchy material of my tights.

“Well, not as much fun, I guess!” I laugh as I drive Sarah to the complex of buildings in central London that will be her second home for the next three years.

“I still really, really wish you were doing this with me,” Sarah sighs.

“You will be AMAZING,” I say, giving Sarah a soft, gentle kiss. “See you at lunch!” Sarah lets out a nervous giggle as she calmly strides into the large, imposing building, soon disappearing out of sight. I sigh happily as I jump back in Sarah’s car, driving it back to her house before walking the short distance back to my home.

“Morning, Nikki!” Mum says as I walk through the front door and plop down on the sofa, crossing one nylon-covered leg over the other. “How’s Sarah?”

“Nervous,” I sigh.

“…And how’s Nikki?” Mum asks, sitting down next to me with my baby sister in her arms.

“…Also nervous,” I say with a chuckle. “And I don’t know why…”

“You’ve never been good at sharing,” mum laughs. “Guess that’s a result of being an only child for so long…”

“I am too good at sharing,” I retort. “…Okay, maybe not Sarah, but can you blame me?”

“Are you STILL ‘angsting’ over that engagement ring?” Mum asks with a sigh.

“No,” I reply. “…Yes… I don’t even know now whether or not it was just a dream any more…” I sigh as mum wraps her arm around me, giving me a very much needed hug.

“If you and Sarah are destined to be together, it WILL happen,” mum says. “And I really believe you are destined to be together. I’ve seen the way you look at each other, you both NEED each other. As regards the engagement, where’s the rush? If you’re going to be together forever, why not take your time?”

“If we’re going to be together forever, why wait?” I ask, making mum sigh sadly. “You weren’t that much older when you and dad got engaged…”

“I was 22,” mum says. “You’ll no doubt disagree but there’s a big difference between 22 and 18!”

“I guess,” I sigh. “I promised to meet the girls for lunch, can you drop me at the uni, please?”

“Sure, I was going to go shopping anyway,” mum says, handing me Jenny as she returns to the kitchen.

“Ahh, you gorgeous little thing,” I coo at my giggling baby sister. “You’re going to be so lucky when you get older. You’ve got it all to look forward to- the life I should’ve had, but didn’t…”

A couple of hours later, I help mum strap Jenny into her car seat before she drives us both back into the centre of London.

“Here I am, dropping my daughter off at university,” mum jokes. “Surprised Beverly didn’t drive Sarah this morning…”

“She was at work early,” I explain as I get out of the car, eager for mum to go before she gives me any more reminders about my ‘lack of education’. “I’ll see you later!”

“See you later,” mum laughs. “Don’t learn too much!” I force out a giggle as mum drives away, before I head into the university’s modest dining complex. It doesn’t take long to locate Sarah, Katie and Lauren- especially as they’re not alone, and the two people they’re sat with are VERY distinctive.

“Nikki!” Sarah squeaks excitedly, jumping up and giving me a kiss as I approach her table. “Girls, this is Nikki. Nikki, you already know these two, but I’d like you to meet Jacinta and Ophelia!” I wave nervously at the two young women, both of whom immediately stand up and greet me with gentle, girly hugs.

“Oh my god, YOU’RE Nikki!” The taller girl- almost 5’ 10”- says. “I’m SUCH a huge fan of the Angels, it’s SO good to meet you!”

“Umm, likewise!” I giggle.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” The tall, brown-haired girl suddenly laughs. “I- I’m Jacinta, Jacinta Hanley!”

“Nicola Thomas, nice to meet you!” I laugh. “Do- do you study fashion design as well?”

“Nope,” Katie laughs. “She’s a photographer, just like you and me!”

“Just like I used to be,” I laugh, before turning to the second new girl, who has stood patiently whilst Jacinta introduced herself. “And you’re Ophelia?”

“Ophelia Cassiopeia Love,” the girl says in a very posh, refined voice that doesn’t even come close to matching her ‘unique’ look. Unlike Jacinta- who’s dressed modestly in a plain skirt and jumper similar to mine- Ophelia has dressed in the exact OTT manner Sarah had wished to avoid this morning. Her knee-length dress is extravagant with multiple medieval-style details running the length of the frilled skirt, which is puffed out by three dark blue petticoats. The bodice of the dress is covered by a black corset, which has been laced in tight to give the young woman a very narrow waist, and the sleeves of the dress are sheer and loose. Teal covered tights cover Ophelia’s legs, which end in similar-coloured spike-heeled stilettos. Even more extravagant than Ophelia’s dress is her make-up- her lips are coloured in a bright magenta colour, whilst her eye shadow is a matte green. Her hair, however, is the most striking part of her look- it’s a bright aquamarine colour and tied into long, waist-length braids.

“So delighted to meet you,” Ophelia says, air-kissing me whilst gently holding my arms, taking care not to impale me on her 2 inch long blue fingernails.

“Now Ophelia IS one of us,” Lauren giggles as I and the two new girls sit down at the table- which is pretty cramped with six of us sat around it.

“Unsurprisingly, she made that dress,” Sarah says.

“AND that corset!” Lauren giggles. “I’ve been dying to make a proper tight-lacing corset for ages now…”

“I would be quite happy to help you,” Ophelia says, making Lauren and Sarah giggle at the formality of her voice. “Nicola, Sarah showed me some of the dresses you modelled for their internet store, it would be delightful if you could model for our assignments.”

“Umm, wasn’t I already going to do that?” I ask.

“Well, yes,” Sarah says. “We only just found out this morning what the assignments were likely to be, didn’t even know that we’d need female models this semester.”

“Fortunately, we always will, won’t we, Jacinta?” Katie asks.

“Hell yeah!” Jacinta cheers. “I’m SO looking forward to working with you, Nikki!”

“I’m flattered!” I giggle, taken aback slightly by Jacinta’s enthusiasm. “If you’re a fan of the Angels I reckon I might be able to get you invited to a party, maybe…”

“Ehh,” Katie interjects. “We’re kinda… Kinda ‘booked out’ all week with student parties.”

“And work!” Lauren laughs.

“That too!” Katie giggles. “But Ophelia knows a few people she went to school with, they’re having a ‘dorm-warming’ party, then another one, and another one…”

“Sounds cool,” I say, suddenly feeling VERY left out.

“Don’t worry, I’ll smuggle you into one of them!” Sarah laughs.

“Katie told me you did level 2 photography,” Jacinta says to me. “Just bring along your camera, you’ll fit right in! Though I wouldn’t say no to an Angel party or two… ESPECIALLY if Jamie-Lee is there!”

“Ooh, I’m getting flashbacks!” Lauren giggles. “The first day the four of us met at college, Nikki showed us a selfie she took with Jamie… Who’d have guessed that just two years later she and Jamie would be best friends?”

“Bit of an exaggeration,” I giggle.

“Oh please,” Lauren retorts. “I’m expecting a call any minute now from Miss Burke asking me to measure you for a bridesmaid’s dress…”

“Getting a bit ahead, aren’t we?” I say, giggling nervously as several excited faces turn toward me. “Is, um, is Dannii coming to lunch?”

“No,” Lauren sighs. “She’s too busy with ‘Paul’… I did invite her today, though.”

“Another flashback!” Sarah giggles. “The official founding the ‘New Angels’, later to be known as the ‘Teen Angels’… Sounds like as good a time as any to announce the official founding of the ‘New New Angels’!”

“The ‘New New Angels’!” Katie cheers, followed by Lauren, Jacinta, Ophelia and finally myself.

“I’m surprised you recognised us from the Angels,” I say to Jacinta. “Beyond that pool video a couple of months ago, I think the most ‘exposure’ we’ve got is the occasional retweet from one of them, or popping up in the back of an Instagram photo…”

“I… I, um, actually kinda subscribe to your YouTube blog,” Jacinta says with a grimace. “Me and six thousand others, heh!”

“Heh, always nice to meet a fan!” I giggle.

“…You really haven’t figured it out yet, have you?” Jacinta asks as Sarah, Katie and Lauren all giggle at me.

“Figured out what?” I ask.

“That may name used to be ‘Jason’,” Jacinta says, making my jaw drop. Sure, she’s 5’ 10”, has a slightly larger build than me and a slightly longer face, but still…

“Seriously?” I ask.

“Oh, don’t feel too bad,” Katie laughs. “We didn’t suss you when we started college, and you’d only been on hormones for three months, Jacinta’s been on them for over a year, isn’t that right?”

“August 12th, 2014,” Jacinta giggles. “I’d come out as gay a couple of years earlier, but deep inside, I always knew what I REALLY was.”

“So you’re pre-op?” I ask.

“Yep,” Jacinta says proudly. “Only just finished laser removal treatments, not looking into SRS just yet!”

“Heh,” I chuckle, though inside, talk of the ‘New New Angels’ only makes me feel worse. Sarah, Katie and Lauren have formed a new ‘gang’ and have even found themselves another transgendered girl to go in it… As much as I try to convince myself that it’s not the case, I’m clearly being replaced, and the three- or, I suppose, five- of them skipping out on Angel parties for student parties just reinforces this belief.

A short while after I leave the lunch table, I get two new notifications on my phone, both from Facebook- ‘Jacinta Hanley has sent you a friend request’ and ‘Ophelia Love has sent you a friend request’. Even this- and the thought of just where Ophelia could have secreted a smartphone in her amazing dress- doesn’t cheer me up as I jump on the tube and head back home, where I’m again greeted by my mother and my sister.

“Hi mum,” I shout as I head upstairs to take off my shoes and most of my make-up. “Hi Jenny!” Another replacement of mine whose name begins with the letter J…

“Hi Nikki,” mum shouts. “Is Sarah settling in well at uni?”

“Yep,” I reply. “Obviously she’s hanging out with Katie and Lauren, but she’s made new friends as well. One of them’s a transgendered girl, like me.”

“Oh, that’s sweet!” Mum giggles. “Hopefully you can be friends with her too, you can introduce her to Jamie and Stephanie…” So she can ‘replace’ me there as well, no doubt…

“…We’ll see,” I say as I scrape my hair back into a loose ponytail and head downstairs.

“Oh god,” mum says with a tired sigh. “Please don’t say you’re getting jealous…”

“No,” I immediately retort. “Maybe… I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t like change…”

“Really?” Mum giggles. “You, of all people, are afraid of change?”

“’Other people changing’, then,” I say.

“No, that’s not it either,” mum says. “And before you inevitably ask, what it actually is is you having friends- good friends, close friends- for the first time ever, and not wanting to lose them, even if you are technically ‘sharing’ instead of ‘losing’. I think you’re not helped by most of your other friends being older than you- how old are Sarah’s new friends?”

“Umm,” I say, checking Jacinta’s and Ophelia’s Facebook profiles. “The other transgendered girl is nineteen, it doesn’t say how old Ophelia is but I’d guess she’s not much older.”

“Ophelia?” Mum laughs. “Poor kid… But that’s the point, those girls are all your age, it’s natural to feel a bit left out.”

“How do I get over it?” I ask.

“Simple- make time for ALL your friends,” mum chuckles.

“Sounds exhausting,” I say, making mum laugh even harder. “Of course, it’d probably easier if Sarah and I were more ‘officially’ a couple…”

“One step at a time!” Mum laughs as Jenny starts crying. “Ooh, think someone’s hungry…”

“It’s okay, I had lunch at the uni,” I say, making mum snort with laughter as she returns to the kitchen to feed my sister. I spend the next couple of hours flicking between my checklist ahead of tomorrow’s work- Monday being the only free day I have all week- and checking out my new friends’ Facebook profiles.

Sarah arrives home just after 4:30pm and, as always, we greet each other with a kiss, though Sarah’s long sigh when she collapses down on the sofa hints at just how exhausted she is.

“That tired, huh?” Mum laughs, handing Sarah a warm cup of tea.

“Feel like I’ve spent all day on my feet,” Sarah sighs. “These boots were a REALLY bad idea…”

“You were on your feet all day in class?” I ask.

“No, we didn’t actually do any actual learning,” Sarah explains. “We were mostly just signing up for the student’s union, looking around the various clubs and societies, registering for the library… Katie’s said she might apply for the student union committee, I might look into that myself.”

“Never realised you were interested in stuff like that,” I say. “You know, politics…”

“I was a prefect at school, wasn’t I?” Sarah asks. “Though I dunno where I’ll find the time, the course seems pretty intensive…”

“Especially if you’ll be joining all different societies and clubs,” I say, not pausing to think about what I’m saying. “Or going to any number of student parties.”

“Oh- no, just no,” Sarah sighs, unwrapping herself from my arms. “Don’t, just don’t get jealous, Nikki. You know I’ve always dreamed about going to university, living the student lifestyle… Can I please get at least 24 hours into it before you turn into a jealous idiot?”

“What, so I’m an idiot now because I’m not a fancy university student?” I retort, internally grimacing as the words leave my mouth.

“You know what?” Sarah snaps, standing up. “I’m very tired and I still have a lot to do today. I’m going home.”

“No, Sarah- wait, please…” I say as I follow Sarah out of my front door. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped, I AM an idiot… Please…”

“Take it from someone who knows a thing or two about jealousy,” Sarah whispers. “It’s NOT pretty.” Sarah opens her mouth to speak again, before sighing and shaking her head.

“I’m sorry,” I say again. “I- I just feel like you’re slipping away from me.”

“I LOVE you,” Sarah says. “If there was a way we could be joined at the hip 24/7, I’d take it, but realistically you have to know that’s not going to happen.”

“I- I love you too,” I whisper as Sarah leans in to give me a soft kiss.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Sarah says, walking away and hailing a cab. I watch as Sarah as whisked away, before heading back indoors and burying my head in my hands.

“Here you go,” mum says, handing me a mug full of hot chocolate- my favourite ‘comfort food’. “Sarah is right, you know.”

“Thanks,” I sigh. “And yes, I know… I probably wouldn’t feel this way if it wasn’t for that damned ring…”

I head to bed just after 10pm, but I struggle to sleep in my unexpectedly empty bed. I repeatedly wake up during the night, eventually dragging myself out of bed at 6:45am before showering and taking advantage of the extra time I have to shave off what little hair has grown on my legs over the last two weeks. Once I’m dry (and hairless below my neck), I head back to my bedroom, picking out a clean bra, thong and pair of translucent black tights before pulling on the clean white blouse, short black pencil skirt and smart black stiletto heels that’s become my trademark ‘uniform’. Before grabbing my handbag and heading down to my car, I pause and quickly compose a text message on my phone.

‘Sorry again about yesterday,’ I type in the message to Sarah. ‘Hope you have a good day at uni. Love you loads. GLF. xxx.’ I go to toss my phone back in my bag when it beeps with an immediate response from my lover.

‘GLF,’ Sarah’s message reads. ‘See you tonight at the party. xxxxxxxx’ I giggle happily as I put the phone back in my bag, before saying goodbye to mum, dad and Jenny. The smile remains on my face as I drive away from my home and pick up my companion for the day- even despite the glistening diamond ring on her left hand.

“Hey Nikki!” Viks giggles happily as she slides onto the passenger seat of my car.

“Hi Viks,” I say. “Is Jon at work today?”

“Yeah,” Viks sighs. “Just you and me today, everything’s already at Charlotte’s ready for the party tonight.”

“Working on his birthday, tut tut,” I say, making Viks giggle.

“And on the big two-six too!” Viks laughs. “Jon doesn’t like a big fuss being made of him though, typical agent he prefers NOT to be the centre of attention.”

“Which is why we’re making a huge fuss of him tonight?” I ask.

“Exactly!” Viks giggles. “He wants a small wedding too, the wimp…”

“…And I’m guessing you want it to be as big as possible?” I ask.

“Wouldn’t you?” Viks asks. “His millionaire uncle’s paying for it, after all. And there’s just five months to go…”

“And then there’ll be Jamie’s wedding shortly afterward,” I whisper sadly.

“And yours!” Viks says. “Even if it is a few years away… I’ll only be 23 when I get married, so was Mary…”

“I know,” I sigh. “I should be more patient with Sarah…”

“On the topic of Sarah,” Viks says. “How’s she enjoying student life? The three years I was at uni were the best of my life- well, at the time they were the best, anyway!”

“Oh, she’s loving it,” I reply. “So are Katie and Lauren… Can’t help but feeling that I’m being, you know, edge out a bit…”

“No, no no no,” Viks insists. “You’re a gang, a clique, a proper, official Angel group! Friends for life, you know? Me and the other five girls will always be friends, even if the next series of the Angels IS the last.”

“Yeah, well I’m sure Dannii felt that way too,” I say, silencing Viks.

“She made her own choices,” Viks says. “Don’t make the same ones!”

“Believe me, I don’t intend to!” I laugh as we pull up outside Charlotte’s vast mansion, the venue for tonight’s party. Sure enough, nine hours later, I return to the party having exchanged my skirt and blouse for a slinkier and sexier patterned black peplum dress that Sarah made for me over the summer. As it’s Jon’s birthday, the crowd is mostly male- us girls are outnumbered 3 to 1- so my dress (and, obviously, the body within it) gets a lot of attention, but I’m able to easily brush it off as I stick with the other women, and I know the MY girl will soon be here to keep me company (and keep the boys away).

After an hour passes, however, it becomes very apparent that Sarah isn’t just running late, but she may not be coming at all. I try to convince myself that she’s just running late, that she knows she can stay out later tonight as Wednesday is her free day from uni, but as the clock strikes 9:30, I begin to panic. I momentarily excuse myself, heading out into the wide, open hallway and grabbing my phone out of my handbag. Sarah answers her phone after the fifth ring, but I’m momentarily startled by the loud background noise where she is.

“Sarah?” I ask.

“Nikki! Hi!” Sarah yells down the phone. “Sorry, I’m not going to be able to get there tonight, Ophelia’s having a ‘dorm-warming’ party tonight!”

“Umm, nice of you to tell me, I’ve been waiting for you for ages!” I say.

“Well it was a last minute thing,” Sarah retorts.

“Couldn’t you at least have sent me a text?” I ask.

“Oh- stop being so possessive!” Sarah sighs loudly. “We’ll talk tomorrow. I’ve got to go now, there are some REALLY cute guys here that have Katie’s name written all over them!”

“Okay, see you later,” I say, barely suppressing tears as I click off my phone. In addition to leaving me in the lurch, she’s also looking at men now…

I make my excuses and leave the party a short while later, heading back to my home even though Sarah and I had already agreed to sleep at her house tonight. After what was said on the telephone… I need time alone to gather my thoughts. Once I arrive home- much to the surprise of my parents- I head up to my room, strip off my dress and immediately dive under my bed sheets, trying desperately not to think about how much I’m missing the woman I love…

I wake from another dreamless sleep just after 8am, thankful that I didn’t drink much last night and thusly don’t have a hangover to deal with. After showering, I pull on my favourite pair of pale pink tights, followed by one of my many black leotards and a loose, knee-length dress. Before I grab my dance bag and head downstairs, I check my phone and am surprised to find my screen full of missed calls and voicemails from Sarah.

“Hey Nikki,” the first message says. “Are you still at the party? Call me when you get this.”

“Hi Nikki,” the second message says. “It’s midnight and you’re still not back yet… Please call me when you get this.” This causes me to raise an eyebrow- if Sarah was back before midnight, the party couldn’t have been THAT good…

“Nikki, I’m really getting worried now,” the third message says. “I’ve called Viks and she said that you left the party hours ago, please, please call me when you get this…”

“Nikki,” the fourth message says with a noticeable sigh in Sarah’s voice. “I’ve called your dad and he says that you went to your home tonight… Please call me when you wake up, I don’t want to go to sleep with us falling out like this. I love you, I love you, I love you. Please call me.” I sigh and rest my phone against my forehead as Sarah’s emotional message ends- I must have left my phone on silent at the party and forgotten to switch the ringer back on. I press the speed dial number for Sarah’s phone, which she answers before the end of the first ring.

“Nikki, thank god,” Sarah sighs into the phone. “Don’t bloody scare me like that! If you were going to go back to your house, couldn’t you have left me a text message or something?”

“…Really?” I ask, making Sarah groan with frustration.

“Okay, okay, point taken,” Sarah sighs. “I’m sorry, I should’ve sent you a text or something saying that I wasn’t going to the party… How was it, anyway?”

“It sucked without you there,” I say, prompting a tired giggle from Sarah. “Kinda wish I’d gone to your party now…”

“There’ll be another one before too long,” Sarah says. “You heading off to ballet now?”

“Yeah,” I say. “See you there?”

“Yeah, umm…” Sarah says, audibly grimacing. “I’ve kinda agreed to go to the library with the girls. And yes, I know I should’ve texted you, I just wanted to talk to you in person- well, in real time, anyway- first.”

“You can’t even spare an hour?” I ask.

“I just promised Ophelia, that’s all,” Sarah says.

“Well, bring her along!” I chuckle. “I’m sure Krystie wouldn’t mind.”

“I’d prefer not to without running it by her first,” Sarah says. “Besides, Ophelia’s never taken ballet before, neither has Jacinta, I dunno how much interest either of them would have in it…”

“Even though you yourself love it?” I ask.

“I’m- I’m going to let it go here,” Sarah says, clearly suppressing a sigh. “I don’t want us to argue any more. Ever again, ever. I love you, I adore you, I love every atom of you. I tell you what- you ask Krystie about Jacinta and Ophelia and I’ll ask the girls themselves, okay?”

“Sure,” I say. “I love you too…”

“See you later, Nikki,” Sarah says, clicking off her phone and making me sigh in frustration. As much as she says that she adores me, as hard as I try to believe her… Her actions say otherwise. I sigh as I grab a blouse, a pencil skirt and a clean pair of black tights to change into, stuffing them into my dance bag before heading downstairs, where I’m intercepted by my mother.

“Have you spoken to Sarah yet?” Mum asks with clear worry in her voice. “Your dad said he called her last night almost in a state of panic…”

“Yes, I talked to her,” I say.

“…And?” Mum asks. “Are you going to see her at ballet?”

“No, she’s busy with uni stuff,” I sigh. “Even though ballet was moved to a Wednesday specifically to accommodate her…”

“It’s a whole new experience for her,” mum says. “Obviously she’s going to want to immerse herself in it. Just give her some time, some space, I’m sure things will settle down soon. And for the love of god, don’t do anything to drive her away. She’s the best thing that ever happened to you, and most likely ever will. You two really are meant to be together.”

“…Just not married, right?” I ask.

“Well not yet, anyway,” mum replies. “Not while you’re still young. But eventually, yes.”

“What’s the minimum age at which someone can get married without parental consent?” I ask.

“Eighteen,” mum answers.

“And how old are Sarah and I?” I ask.

“…Also eighteen,” mum sighs.

“Exactly,” I say. “There has to be a reason that the minimum age is eighteen and not, say, twenty or twenty-one.”

“Well- different people mature at different rates,” mum says, earning a withering stare from me. “Not that I’m saying you’re immature, and Sarah certainly isn’t… Go to your dance class, okay? We’ve got ages to discuss this after you get home from work…” I nod, giving mum and Jenny a quick hug each before getting in my car and driving away.

After my hour of dancing is over, leaving my toes aching from the pointe work, I change out of my leotard and into my work clothes, intercepting Krystie before she enters her office.

“What’s up, Nikki?” Krystie asks as she unties her tight blonde bun. “Thought you were Jamie’s slave today?”

“I am,” I say, giggling at Krystie’s choice of words. “Umm…”

“What is it?” Krystie asks. “You’re not quitting the class, are you? Is Sarah thinking of quitting? It’d have been nice if she’d told me this BEFORE I rearranged my entire week…”

“No, nothing like that, it’s just-“ I say hesitantly. “Do you have any spaces left in your adult beginner class?”

“I’ve got spaces on an eight month waiting list,” Krystie chuckles. “That might come down if I move to that new place I’ve been looking at and can hire another teacher, but for now I’m booked solid. Why do you ask? It’s not like you need refresher classes, you looked really good out there today…”

“Sarah’s kinda made new friends at uni,” I say. “Just asking on their behalf.”

“Oh, okay,” Krystie says. “Well, yours, Sarah’s, Katie’s and Lauren’s referrals can get them up the queue a bit, I suppose. Get them to give me a call or send me an email, I’ll see what I can do. Now get going, I don’t want ‘Empress Burke’ telling me off for holding you up…”

“Hehe,” I giggle. “See you later, Krys.”

“’Empress Burke’,” Jamie sighs as she comes up to me. “You’ll pay for that, ‘Peasant Fullerton’!” Jamie and I both chuckle as Krystie shuts herself in her office, laughing out loud at her joke.

“She’s looking a lot better,” I say as I lead Jamie out to my car. “Wouldn’t have thought she was seriously ill less than two weeks ago.”

“She’s tough,” Jamie says. “REALLY tough. Anyway, where were Sarah, Katie and Lauren today?”

“Uni,” I sigh. “Where else?”

“Thought Wednesday was their free day?” Jamie asks as she buckles her seatbelt and I drive the two of us away from the dance studio.

“It is, they just went in anyway,” I sigh, smiling as my mentor deliberately hides her left hand underneath her right. “…It’s okay, you can show it off if you want.” Jamie giggles as she uncovers her left hand, sighing happily at the diamond ring on her perfectly-manicured third finger.

“Sorry,” Jamie chuckles. “It’s just Viks was telling me about yesterday…”

“Believe me, I’ve tried forgetting about the ring, it simply won’t happen no matter what I try,” I sigh.

“Have you talked to Sarah about it yet?” Jamie asks.

“How do I do that without confessing that I was snooping around her underwear drawer?” I ask, making Jamie laugh uncontrollably.

“Don’t forget, I’ve known Sarah for a year too,” Jamie giggles. “Anyone else it’d be a violation, but you… I reckon she’d take it as a compliment!”

“Heh, I wish,” I laugh as we arrive at the studio where Jamie will today be earning her money. “How is Stuart, anyway?”

“Recovering,” Jamie sighs. “I know from my own experience he won’t get better overnight, but it’s still frustrating. That’s another thing you’ve got to look forward to!”

“One problem at a time,” I sigh.

“Thinking about Sarah as a ‘problem’ is more of a ‘problem than the ‘problem’ itself,” Jamie says as we head to her immaculate dressing room.

“Did- did you worry that things would change between you and Stuart?” I ask. “After his SRS, I mean.” Jamie pauses, causing me to flinch slightly- as good friends as we are, it IS a sensitive question for an employee to ask her boss…

“A bit,” Jamie says. “But I just thought it through logically- Stuart and I met before his SRS. Our feelings for each other blossomed long before his SRS and will continue to grow even after it. In the same way, you and Sarah met before she started university. Hell, you and Sarah met before you became a girl- and that’s a much bigger change than starting at university. She coped with that, didn’t she?”

“Amazingly,” I sigh. “But that still doesn’t explain why she hasn’t proposed…”

“This damned ring is causing you so much stress!” Jamie says, letting out an exasperated chuckle. “Seriously, first opportunity you get, talk to Sarah about it- also known as ‘the thing you should have done from the very start’.”

“Yes, yes, I know,” I say, leaving the room as Jamie starts to slip off her loose dress in favour of a more chic, form-fitting outfit for her TV appearance. “Thanks, Jamie.”

“Anytime, Nikki!” Jamie giggles. An hour later, the two of us leave the studio and I drive her home, the smile having returned to my face. Unfortunately, Sarah & co.’s lunch time has long since passed, so I head back to her house, just as we’d planned earlier in the week. My smile fades, though, when I walk through the door and am confronted by Sarah’s mother’s frowning face.

“Hello Nikki,” Beverly says stoically.

“Hi Beverly,” I say in a very small voice. “I- I’m-“

“Sarah’s the one you should apologise to,” Beverly says. “And as she says you already have apologised, that’s good enough for me too.”

“Thanks,” I say. “I- I know this is a big deal for Sarah and I’m trying, I’m really trying to be happy for her, to be supportive, but- but-“

“-You feel like she’s excluding you?” Beverly asks, sighing as I nod. “It’s understandable, I know when I went to university I ended up losing touch with girls who I thought I’d always be friends with. Of course, this was the eighties, so we didn’t have Facebook, or smartphones… Or the internet or ANY mobile phones, for that matter. And, of course, I moved away from my hometown to uni, whereas Sarah’s stayed at home…”

“…I’m, um, not getting what you’re trying to say,” I say, making Beverly chuckle.

“I’m saying that people will naturally grow apart,” Beverly says, making my heart sink. “It’s a natural part of life, of growing older. You make new friends, whilst others slowly drift away-“

“What about lovers?” I ask, making Beverly pause. “Or- or soulmates?”

“As I was going to say,” Beverly says after taking a deep breath, “obviously you and Sarah are closer than just ‘friends’. If you two are truly meant to be together, it’s going to take a lot more than a university course to split you up.”

“…But if we’re not meant to be together?” I ask in a feeble voice, making Beverly pause.

“You wouldn’t have spent hundreds of pounds on an engagement ring if you believed that, even for a second,” Beverly says. “Nor would Sarah.”

“And yet, she hasn’t give it to me,” I whine. “Every day she doesn’t ask, it- it just feels like she’s rejecting me…”

“I’m the wrong person to talk to about this,” Beverly says firmly. “Obviously I’d prefer it if you and Sarah didn’t get engaged yet, but if you two ultimately end up married… I’ll be happy for both of you. I the meantime, you know who you need to talk to.”

“I do,” I sigh. “And thanks.” Beverly smiles as she heads into her small home office to do some work, leaving me alone on the sofa, waiting for the return of the woman I love. My patience is rewarded just after 4:30pm when the front door opens and Sarah steps through it, immediately greeting me with a long, deep kiss.

“I’m still a bit pissed off with you,” Sarah says, before giggling as we sit back down on the sofa hand-in-hand. “Though I guess you have good reason to be pissed off at me, too…”

“I don’t want to be pissed off at you anymore,” I say. “Or at all. Or ever again. It was my fault, I accept that…”

“No,” Sarah sighs. “You’re right, I should have texted you… And don’t be so quick to accept responsibility, it’s the job of the MAN to do that, and as you and I both know, you are NOT a man!” I giggle as Sarah pays me the unconventional compliment, though it only serves to remind me of something Sarah said the other night.

“…Did you find any hunky guys for Katie?” I ask, making my lover giggle as she snuggle closer to me.

“There were… some VERY firm bodies there,” Sarah laughs. “Some of whom may have gone away with Katie’s number in their phones, yes!” Sarah giggles, but her laughter soon fades as I remain silent. “Nikki… What’s up? PLEASE don’t tell me you’re jealous of guys, too?”

“It- it’s just a reminder that I used to be one,” I whisper. “If you’re looking at guys-“

“Okay, first,” Sarah says. “I wasn’t ‘looking’ at guys. Any time my eyes pointed in their direction, it was for Katie’s benefit only. Second, so what if I did look? You need to trust that I’d never, ever, you know, ‘touch’. Third… What we have, it’s more, it’s, well, ‘purer’, ‘higher’ than just animal lust. We’re true soul mates, Nikki. What you look like on the outside isn’t important, it’s what’s on the inside that I want to be with.”

“So… Are you saying that you don’t find me attractive?” I ask, prompting a frustrated groan from Sarah.

“Oh, you are SUCH a woman!” Sarah laughs, before giving me a long, deep kiss. “Of course I find you attractive! You’re gorgeous, girly, extra-fit from all the dancing we do… Objectively, you’re one of the most beautiful women in the world.”

“I don’t care about being ‘objectively’ beautiful,” I say, turning to face Sarah. “I only care about whether or not you think I’m beautiful.”

“And that,” Sarah says with a satisfied smile, “is why we’re soul mates, destined to be together forever.”

“Yeah,” I chuckle, smiling as Sarah snuggles herself even closer to my body. As we while away the evening watching TV and going over Sarah’s coursework yet again, I can’t help but feel that if Sarah genuinely, truly believed that we shared a ‘higher, purer love’, she’d have done something about it… Like putting a ring on my finger.

Eventually we head to bed, and I sigh as I strip off my underwear, stretching my muscles as my modest-sized breasts hang free in front of me. Almost immediately, though, Sarah's hands reach around my back and cup my breasts, causing me to gasp as she gently massages the tender mounds. I moan happily as Sarah brushes my long hair off my neck, gently teasing my soft skin with gentle kisses before guiding me to the bed. It doesn't take long for me to free Sarah's pert breasts from her lacy bra and tease the delicate skin with gentle kisses, making Sarah gasp and pants with every contact my lips make.

Just a few minutes later, the two of us collapse back in bed, our chests heaving and our bodies still tingling with post-coital energy.

“Still need proof that I find you ‘subjectively’ attractive?” Sarah asks with a smile as fine droplets of sweat trickle down our bodies and mingle with each other.

“Well…” I say with a smug smile. “Another demonstration couldn’t hurt…” Sarah giggles evilly as our lips once again meet and our tongues explore each other’s mouths, though as soon as our lips separate, Sarah rolls over in bed and switches off her nightlight.

“Get some sleep,” Sarah orders as she wraps her sheet around her. “You’ve got work tomorrow and I’ve got uni!”

“Yes ma’am!” I say, cuddling Sarah close to me as we both quickly drift off to sleep.

“Do you, Nicola Christine Thomas,” the minister asks. “Take this woman, Sarah Jennifer Phillips, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” I whisper as I smoothe my pristine white wedding dress.

“And do you, Sarah Jennifer Phillips,” the minister asks. “Take this woman, Nicola Christine Thomas, to be your lawfully wedded wife? Or would you prefer any one of these hunky guys?” I watch in horror as a door opens behind Sarah and several attractive, well-built young men spill out of it and begin congregating around Sarah.

“Aah!” I gasp as my eyes dart open and my arms- still wrapped around Sarah’s slender waist- tense up.

“Mmm,” Sarah moans. “Nikki, you know I love you, but you have GOT to do something about these nightmares you keep having…”

“Trust me, I agree with you,” I sigh as Sarah wriggles free of my embrace and checks her phone.

“4:45,” Sarah sighs, giving me a quick kiss before rolling back over. “Get back to sleep, babe.” I grunt in agreement and soon fall asleep again, waking two and a half hours later to find that Sarah has, once again, already showered and got dressed.

“Mmm,” I mumble, bringing the woman I love closer to my still-tired form.

“Better get up soon,” Sarah laughs as she gives me a gentle kiss. “Don’t want to keep Jamie waiting, after all! I’ll see you at lunch, right?”

“Yep,” I say, stretching my tired body and padding into Sarah’s en-suite. By the time I’ve emerged from the shower, Sarah has already left, leaving me to sigh as I don my bra, thong and tights, before applying my make-up and pulling on my trademark white blouse and short black pencil skirt. As I stare in the mirror at my exquisitely made-up face, I think back to what Sarah said yesterday. Obviously, as a part-time model, I consider myself to be reasonably attractive, but I’d never really thought of myself as objectively beautiful. Even now, I can’t fully see it- but then again, I’ve been staring at this face in the mirror for over eighteen years, and for the majority of that time, I saw a boy staring back at me. For the first year and a half of my relationship with Sarah, when she kissed me, she was either kissing a boy, or a boy pretending to be a girl. Now, there’s no pretence. Genetics aside, I AM a woman. My face is feminine, my body is certainly feminine… And Sarah kisses me as deeply as she did when she was kissing a boy. More so, in fact, as last night’s ‘exertions’ proved. Maybe Sarah’s claims of a ‘higher, purer love’ were right after all…

“Morning, Nikki!” Beverly says with a cheerful smile as I walk downstairs, taking care on the stairs in my vertiginous heels. “At work all day again?”

“Only until 11:30,” I say. “Got the afternoon free. And yes, I plan on seeing Sarah at university.”

“Good,” Beverly says. “I’m glad you two worked through your issues.”

“Some of them, anyway,” I sigh.

“Don’t get hung up on that ring,” Beverly advises. “Just focus on how much Sarah loves you, that’s the important thing.”

“I know, I know,” I say. “I’ll see you later.” Beverly smiles and waves me goodbye as I head out to my car, and before too long I’m on the road, picking up my ‘boss’ for today.

“Hey, Nikki!” Jamie giggles as she elegantly slides into the passenger seat of my car. “Please tell me you took my advice yesterday…”

“Your advice, Sarah’s mum’s advice, just about everyone’s advice!” I laugh. “Yes, I talked to Sarah. And yes, we’re all cool now.”

“Glad to hear it,” Jamie says with a smile. “Though I notice your left hand is still bare…”

“Believe me, I’m noticing that more,” I sigh. “Does- does it really make a difference, being engaged?”

“…I wish I could tell you that it doesn’t,” Jamie sighs. “But it does, it really does. It’s like- before, you know, we were ‘just’ boyfriend and girlfriend, ‘just’ lovers. But now we’re engaged, Stuart and I- it’s like we’re, I dunno, forcing the entire world to take us seriously. I’m sorry, I know that wasn’t the answer you wanted to hear…”

“No, it’s fine,” I sigh.

“For what it’s worth,” Jamie says. “Everyone I know takes you and Sarah seriously. You’ve been together for four years unbroken- for two eighteen year olds, that’s nothing short of a miracle. Unless they’re talking about your work, or about Sarah’s dressmaking, they never say just ‘Nikki’ or just ‘Sarah’- it’s always ‘Nikki and Sarah’. Always. And there’s a queue about a mile long to be bridesmaids for one of you two when- not if, but when- you eventually tie the knot. A queue I’m at the front of, of course!”

“That’s for me and Sarah to decide,” I say, making Jamie laugh. “Though of course, I can be bribed…”

“Let me guess- the cost is one bridesmaid’s dress, right?” Jamie asks.

“Seems a fair swap,” I say, making Jamie giggle.

“Okay then,” Jamie laughs. “Consider yourself officially bridesmaid number two!” I giggle happily as we head to the radio station where Jamie will be plying her trade today, and all throughout her interview I daydream about what the bridesmaid’s dress will look like, who else will be bridesmaids (I already know that Charlotte is Jamie’s maid of honour), what Jamie’s first dance will be… But by the end of the interview, my excitement at Jamie’s wedding turns into anxiety about my own.

After dropping Jamie off at the hospital where her fiancé is recovering from his SRS, I don’t head immediately home, but instead head to my counsellor’s office- and as you might imagine, I have a lot I want to talk to her about.

“Hi Nikki!” Dr Williamson says as I stride into her office, elegantly sitting down in one of her plush chairs whilst keeping my nylon-covered knees pressed firmly together. “How was work today?”

“Same as always,” I say. “Studio bends over backwards to accommodate the Angel, I take the credit for it and get paid, can’t really complain.”

“That’s good to hear,” Dr Williamson giggles. “Though I suspect other parts of your life aren’t quite as stable, am I correct?”

“…Yes,” I sigh. “I’ve been told repeatedly that it’s something Sarah needs to do, that obviously she’ll immerse herself into it to begin with, but I just feel-“

“Go on,” Dr Williamson urges softly.

“I just… Feel jealous,” I say, letting out a long sigh. “I know that must sound silly…”

“Your feelings are your feelings,” Dr Williamson says. “If that’s how you really feel, it’s not silly at all, but it is something you need to work through. Who exactly do you feel jealous of?”

“With regard to Sarah, it’s anyone who isn’t me,” I moan. “Her new friends, the- um, the boys at college…”

“Sarah’s never given any indication that she’s been looking at boys, has she?” Dr Williamson asks.

“I know, I know, I’m being paranoid,” I sigh. “But- it’s this damned ring…”

“By her continued refusal to ask you to marry her,” Dr Williamson observes, “you feel that she has doubts over whether she really wants to be with you, am I right?”

“…Am I THAT obvious?” I ask.

“Don’t forget, you’ve been coming here for a long time,” Dr Williamson chuckles. “In some ways, I know you better than you know yourself!”

“Yeah, I guess,” I laugh. “It works both ways though, I know that coming up next I’m going to get advice on how to look at things objectively, on how to rise above negative feelings like jealousy…”

“They only work if you actually remember them and try to apply them BEFORE the negative feelings take hold,” Dr Williamson says in a firm yet friendly voice. I giggle as I nod and get my notepad out of my handbag, jotting down the advice my counsellor provides- some of which I have, of course, heard several times before.

I leave the office at 12:45pm and get straight back in my car, hurrying to my final destination of the day- the dining hall of the London College of Fashion. Thanks to Ophelia’s hair, it doesn’t take long to find the five girls, who are all engaged in an excited conversation when I approach their table.

“Hey Nikki!” Sarah squeaks, practically jumping out of her seat and giving me a kiss and a long, tight hug.

“Aww,” Katie giggles as I sit down next to my girlfriend. “Love watching ‘Snikki’ together…”

“You two are so cute,” Jacinta sighs happily. “Wish I had a hunky guy I could have a ‘couples name’ with…”

“Hey, we tried to set you up on Tuesday, didn’t we?” Sarah says, making me bristle slightly- she’d said it was just Katie for whom they were searching for a boyfriend…

“And did I or did I not see you spending a LOT of time with Tom yesterday afternoon?” Lauren asks, making Jacinta blush.

“We’re just friends,” the dark-haired transgendered girl giggles. “We knew each other from school, Ophelia, back me up here, please?”

“They do indeed know each other from school,” Ophelia says in her refined accent. “That’s all I’m willing to say.” Sarah, Lauren and Katie all giggle as a sly grin creeps across Ophelia’s magenta-coloured lips.

“You never fancied any guys, Nikki?” Jacinta asks, startling me slightly as I’m brought back into the conversation.

“Umm, no, never,” I say. “Only ever Sarah.”

“Oh, that is just so sweet,” Jacinta sighs. “Trust me when I say, though, that you could EASILY get any guy you wanted, especially in that skirt!”

“Aww, thanks!” I giggle. “My skirt thanks you too!” Jacinta and I both share a genuine giggle, before the conversation is once again ‘hijacked’.

“Speaking of skirts,” Katie says to Jacinta. “Have you booked time in the studio for our shoot next month or do you want me to try and set something up at my home?”

“Umm, either’s good,” Jacinta says. “Are we still just photographing each other again?”

“That was the plan,” Katie says. “How are you guys getting on with your first assignment?”

“It’s pretty straightforward,” Lauren shrugs. “Nothing we haven’t really done before at college or for our store. It’s not going to get ‘intense’ until next year, I reckon.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty much the same for us,” Katie concurs. “Difficulty for us comes from needing to concentrate more on background detail, can’t just get away with plain white backdrops anymore!” Katie and Jacinta both giggle, before Jacinta turns to face me once again.

“Speaking of,” Jacinta says. “Nikki, didn’t you promise me a look at your college portfolio?”

“I may have done,” I say with a giggle. “But if you’ve already seen Katie’s, hers is just a million times better than mine!”

“Aww, I’m sure you’ve still got some good stuff in there!” Jacinta giggles, bringing a smile to my face even as I observe that Jacinta is making more of an effort to include me in this conversation than any of my so-called ‘close’ friends- more so even than Sarah, who’s remained oddly quiet.

“Still, we can always make a start on the write-up, even if we don’t have the studio yet,” Katie says.

“Same here,” Lauren says. “Ophelia, are you still okay with me and Sarah staying over in your dorm tonight?”

“What?” I blurt, making Sarah grimace. “Umm… What?”

“Thank you, Lauren,” Sarah whispers under her breath. “Yeah… We kinda need to get going on our written work as well, figured we may as well club together, three heads are better than one, you know…”

“Umm, when were you going to tell me this?” I ask, making Sarah roll her eyes.

“No, no, no, don’t fight,” Jacinta says, obviously sensing that my tension levels are rising.

“We’re not fighting,” Sarah says firmly, silencing my newest friend. “Nikki… Ugh, I’m sorry, okay? I was going to text you…”

“I thought you said that the assignment was straightforward?” I ask.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t need to work hard on it!” Sarah retorts. “Doesn’t mean it won’t be time-consuming… The more time I spend on it now, the more time we’ll have free later on, for my birthday, for Christmas…”

“…Okay,” I sigh, remembering some of things Dr Williamson told me not one hour ago. “Sorry I overreacted…”

“We’ll still be out tomorrow night,” Lauren says. “All six of us!”

“’New New Angels’ for the win!” Jacinta giggles.

“Aww, I can’t wait to introduce you two to the other Angels,” I giggle.

“Umm…” Sarah grimaces. “We were… Kinda… Thinking it’d be just the six of us.”

“And Dannii, if she wants to come along too,” Lauren says.

“We just wanted to have a night out by ourselves,” Sarah explains. “I’ll- I’ll be at Charlotte’s on Saturday, of course.” I force a smile on my face, but it’s immediately clear that Sarah is only begrudgingly agreeing to come to the Saturday party that I know she’s loved attending for the past year. Half an hour later, I leave the dining hall- giving Sarah a long kiss as I go, of course- but all the anxieties I’d hoped to lose by going to lunch, all my fears about being excluded from the group have returned in force. Even though I’ve known them for two years, gone to countless parties with them and even gone on holiday with them, Katie and Lauren clearly prefer the company of the friends they’ve only known for less than a week, and that hurts. And as for Sarah… I tell myself that it’s just her throwing herself into her new university life, something she’s always wanted to experience, but as I go to bed alone for the second time in three days, all I can think about it how empty my bed feels without her in it…

Without Sarah, my morning routine takes less than half the time it usually does, meaning that I’m awake, showered, made-up and dressed in my ‘work clothes’ (including, as a special treat to myself, a pair of tight, leather knee-high boots) long before I need to leave the house, even after taking extra time to touch up the dark burgundy colour on my fingernails.

“Morning!” Dad chuckles as I slump down on the sofa and reach for my iPad, hoping to kill time before I need to leave the house. “No Sarah last night?”

“Nah, she stayed over with a friend at university,” I sigh.

“I’ve hardly seen her this week,” dad muses. “My own fault for agreeing to work nights, but still…”

“I’VE hardly seen her this week,” I sigh. “Uni seems to be swallowing her life… And pushing me out of it.”

“Nooo,” dad laughs as he picks up Jenny and feeds her her bottle. “You’re the absolute centre of her world, just like she is to you. Do something special for her over the weekend, remind her just how important she is to you.”

“Yeah, only one thing’s springing to mind when you say ‘something special’,” I sigh.

“You either mean sex or proposing,” dad snorts. “Try thinking of something else!”

“I’ll Google it,” I say, returning to my iPad and, contrary to my word, spending the next twenty minutes browsing Facebook, lingering on Ophelia’s and Jacinta’s profiles and trying to force myself to like them, despite the fact that I can’t shake the feeling that they’re ‘replacing’ me. Eventually, time runs out and I head out to my car, steadily easing it out into the busy London traffic and soon pulling up outside my destination for today.

“Hello, sexy boots!” Viks giggles as she slides onto the passenger seat of my car. “Seriously, those are PROPERLY hot. Hope Sarah appreciated them this morning!”

“We, uh, didn’t sleep together last night,” I say with a grimace.

“I thought you guys slept together every night?” Viks asks.

“Yeah, I thought that too,” I sigh. “She slept in her new uni friend’s dorm last night, along with Lauren.”

“Ah, the all-nighter,” Viks giggles. “I remember those. Admittedly they usually START as all-nighters, by about 10pm the alcohol gets broken out and by about 11:30, everybody’s too pissed to do any actual work, hehe!”

“Yeah… Kinda not helping,” I grimace.

“Oh, relax,” Viks laughs. “It’s not like Sarah’s going to jump into bed with another girl, is it? Anyway, are we going to meet these new friends of yours tonight?”

“Umm, nah, we’re going out tonight, but just, you know, the six of us…” I say.

“Meh, the ‘student night out’ is another uni tradition!” Viks chuckles. “I’m sure the other girls won’t mind. As long as get to meet the new girls eventually!”

“That can probably be arranged!” I giggle. As long as Sarah, Katie and Lauren don’t mind, anyway…

“Oh, and can we swing by Jamie’s parents’ house?” Viks asks. “I kinda told her we’d give her a lift to the hospital.”

“Sure,” I say, taking the advantage of the stopped traffic to adjust my satnav to take me past the house. Ten minutes later, the familiar feminine form of my mentor slides onto the back seat of my car and immediately gasps with excitement when she sees the bottom half of my legs.

“My, my, Miss Thomas!” Jamie squeaks. “Hope you don’t mind having the eyes of every straight guy in London on your legs today!”

“They’re more than welcome to look, as long as they don’t touch!” I say, making the two older women giggle excitedly.

“Sarah’s the only one allowed to ‘touch’, I take it?” Jamie asks.

“You know me so well,” I say, making my mentor giggle.

“And would I be right to assume there was plenty of ‘touching’ of your boots this morning?” Jamie asks.

“Ehh, you wouldn’t actually,” I say. “Sarah… Kinda had a sleepover with one of her uni friends last night.”

“Oh, cool!” Jamie laughs. “Viks, did you-“

“All the time,” Viks says, making Jamie giggle even harder. “Even though I went to UCL and lived in London!”

“Lauren and Katie also live in London,” Jamie says. “Does that mean the ‘Teen Angels’ are going to get some new members soon?”

“Yeah,” I say. “There’s this girl Ophelia, who’s on Sarah’s course, and Jacinta, who’s on Katie’s course.”

“Huh, funny names,” Viks observes.

“I think they were both changed by deed poll,” I say. “Jacinta’s obviously was, as she’s a T-girl-“

“One of them is a T-girl!?” Jamie asks excitedly. “Oh, that is so cool! Like they’ve got themselves another Nikki!”

“…Yeah,” I sigh.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with the Nikki they- or we- currently have,” Viks says, shooting a quick glare at Jamie.

“No, of course not,” Jamie says, realising her faux pas. “It’d be really cool to meet them, though. Can you see if they want to come out tonight?”

“They’ve already got plans,” I say. “They’d be pretty flattered to learn that two national celebrities invited them to go clubbing with them, though!”

“You can never have too many friends,” Jamie says. “Next Friday, then. Or someday during the week, I know they’re free on Wednesday, you at work that day, Nikki?”

“Um, yes, it’s Hannah’s birthday, remember?” I say, making Jamie grimaces for the second time in as many minutes.

“We- we’ll sort something out eventually,” Jamie says. “There’s no rush, it’s not like Sarah, Katie and Lauren are going to just stop being our friends, after all.” Viks and I both giggle, but I can’t help but feel that Jamie’s last line was more for my benefit than anything else. As we head to the hospital, I muse on how the two women can be so patient, so willing to accept those things that they can’t change- though the sight of the beautiful diamond rings on their left hands is a constant reminder to me of why they can afford to be so patient.

Three hours later, after Viks has made yet another successful media appearance, I drop the dark-haired woman back at her flat before heading back to my home, my work done for another week. I spend the rest of the afternoon in front of the TV, my iPad in hand as I catch up on my social networking pages, before heading up to my room after dinner to change from my skirt and my boots (which I have, of course, kept on all day) into my tiny black clubbing dress and strappy high-heeled shoes. Even though we’d agreed to meet in the centre of the city, I still feel a twinge of sadness as I enhance my make-up- normally, whenever we go on a night out, Sarah and I would always get ready together, but today, for the first time in months, we’re getting ready separately, and it serves to drive home just how distant I feel from the woman I love.

Before I head out, I take the small diamond ring out my handbag and study it, gently running the tip of my fingernail along the delicate inscription on the inside before returning the ring and its box to my bag, where it will stay for the rest of the night.

The taxi ferries me into the centre of the city to the small student flat that Jacinta and Ophelia share, out of which my five friends hurry in an excited frenzy. Sarah, of course, climbs in the taxi first, immediately crushing her body against mine on the back seat before the other four girls follow suit. All the girls are, like me, dressed in tiny clubbing dresses, though being fashion students, they’ve all put their own unique ‘twists’ on the garments- especially Ophelia, who is, as always, wearing an extra-tight corset over her dress, the skirt of which is ‘enhanced’ with two jet-black petticoats.

“I LOVE that dress!” I say to Ophelia, who smiles coyly as she tosses her brightly-coloured hair out of her face.

“Yeah, it’s one of Ophelia’s own,” Lauren giggles. “She is SO talented, we’re learning so much from each other!”

“Oh, so is the web shop going to be a three-way partnership?” I ask, making Ophelia frown and lowering the mood in the taxi.

“I don’t believe in capitalism,” Ophelia says in a dismissive voice. “I prefer to design clothing for art, rather than for profit.”

“Not that either of us ever made much profit from it!” Lauren giggles, trying to save the ‘fun’ atmosphere.

“And in fairness,” Sarah says. “I always designed for the fun of wearing gorgeous, sexy clothing- and the fun of taking said gorgeous, sexy clothing OFF of my gorgeous, sexy girlfriend!” I giggle as Sarah cuddles herself closer to me as the rest of the girls sigh happily.

We arrive at the nightclub a short while later and quickly get in. It’s a bit disorientating at first to not be ushered to the VIP area, but we soon get into the spirit of the place, dancing happily as alcohol starts to flow through our veins. Obviously, it’s Ophelia who gets the most attention from the other clubbers (specifically her hair and her corset), though she very firmly adopts a ‘look but don’t touch’ attitude with every man who heads in her direction. Katie and Jacinta, however, are very much ‘hands-on’ with any and every attractive single guy, as is Lauren with her boyfriend (when he arrives) and Sarah and I with each other- much to the delight of the other people in the club!

We hit two other clubs before eventually heading home just before 2am, all six of us- even the usually uptight Ophelia- very much the worse for wear from all the alcohol we’ve consumed. All six of us pile into a taxi, as before, and as we pull up outside Jacinta and Ophelia’s flat, a look of surprise creeps over my face as Katie and Lauren also jump out and head into the small building. Even though she says nothing, I can tell from Sarah’s body language that she really, really wants to join her four friends in what I can only assume is another ‘sleepover’.

“If you want to join them, go,” I sigh, the alcohol causing my frustration to seep through despite my best efforts.

“Noooo, no, no, no,” Sarah coos reassuringly. “I want to sleep with you tonight! Besides, I don’t have any clothes there…”

“Umm, so you went there in your clubbing dress?” I ask.

“Meh, whatever,” Sarah sighs as she cuddles her body close to mine. “Your bed is much better than Ophelia’s floor, anyway!” I giggle as I give Sarah a soft, quick kiss, but I feel more than ever like an outsider in my own relationship. When we arrive home, it doesn’t take long for us to collapse into bed wrapped in each other’s arms, but we’re soon asleep, the alcohol combined with the late night leaving neither of us up for anything more than kissing and cuddling.

“Do you, Nicola Christine Thomas,” the minister announces, “Take this woman, Sarah Jennifer Phillips, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” I whisper as Sarah looks on with excitement in her eyes.

“May I see your student ID, please?” The minister asks as the church melts away to be replaced by the nightclub from last night. I panic as my hands roam all over my body, looking for a pocket in my wedding dress or anywhere I may have stashed an ID card, but to no avail. As the minister/bartender grows more and more impatient, I grow more and more frantic in my search, even reaching into my bra and lifting my skirt in search for an ID card similar to the ones Sarah, Katie, Lauren, Jacinta and Ophelia are all brandishing…

“Aah!” I yelp as I wake in bed, causing Sarah to stir.

“…Really, Nikki?” Sarah moans. “When we’re both hungover?”

“Sorry, sorry,” I moan as the pain in the centre of my head starts to pulse harder and harder.

“What are all these constant nightmares about, anyway?” Sarah asks.

“Our wedding,” I moan as I reach into my nightstand for a painkiller, before pausing as I realise exactly what I said. “Umm, not that, eh, I consider our wedding to be a nightmare, umm, or that I’m even thinking about us getting married, or-“

“I dream about it too,” Sarah whisper, rolling over in bed and fixing me with a surprised stare.

“Wh- wh- umm… Huh?” I babble.

“I have done for ages,” Sarah says. “Ever since I was about sixteen. It’s always the same dream, the two of us in the church, us both wearing wedding dresses… And it’s always the happiest day of my life.” My palms begin to sweat and my heart races as Sarah ‘confesses’ to me. I actually pinch myself to check that I’m not still dreaming before responding to Sarah’s unexpected revelation.

“It’s the same for me,” I whisper. “But- but it was, it isn’t any more. Now… We’re always interrupted by someone, or something… It’s always different each time.”

“I had no idea you were so insecure about us,” Sarah whispers, cuddling me close to her. “Is-is it because of my uni?”

“It’s my problem,” I say. “Not yours. Everyone I talk to says I need to be more relaxed, to let you do your own thing, but- but- the thought of losing you, even temporarily… That, that’s my biggest nightmare.”

“It’s mine too,” Sarah whispers. “But you’re not going to lose me, Nikki, never. I like the girls, sure, but I LOVE you.”

“If you had to choose between me and uni, which would you choose?” I ask, shuddering as a frown creeps across Sarah’s face.

“If you had to choose between me and being a girl, which would you choose?” Sarah asks, making me sigh sadly.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you that question,” I sigh. “I know uni’s always been your dream, probably even long than this has been mine.” I gesture at my highly-feminine body, making Sarah smile and retighten her grip on me.

“I want to love Nikki the girl,” Sarah says. “I hope you’ll quickly learn to love Sarah the university student.”

“I already do,” I say, smiling as I give Sarah a long, slow kiss.

“Then why all this paranoia?” Sarah asks with a sigh. “You know I’m never going to go anywhere. Yes, I’m going to spend more time with Lauren and the other girls, but that’s purely through work, we’ll always have each other, we’ll always have US.”

“It- it’s complicated,” I sigh, my heart beating faster and faster as I yearn to tell Sarah about the ring in my handbag.

“And why did your wedding dreams suddenly turn into nightmares?” Sarah asks.

“Same reason,” I sigh, before taking a deep breath. Everyone I’ve spoken to has said the same thing over and over again: tell Sarah about the ring. Tell her I found her ring, tell her about my own ring, get everything out in the open.

“Sarah,” I whisper, nerves causing my breath to catch in my mouth. “I- I- last year, umm, I-“

“What- what is it?” Sarah asks, her own nerves clearly starting to take hold of her body.

“Sarah…” I whisper. “I- I found the ring. Your ring, in your drawer…” I pause as Sarah’s eyes start to bulge in shock.

“I- uh- I-“ Sarah babbles.

“…I have a ring too,” I say, reaching into my handbag and pulling out the small box. “I’ve, um, I’ve wanted to give it to you for months now, ever since I turned eighteen. I- I want to marry you. Sarah… Sarah Jennifer Phillips… Will you marry me?”

TO BE CONTINUED