CHAPTER 11 -- Becoming Melanie

I took the bus over on Saturday and we went shopping. I was getting used to going out in public in a bra and a skirt and tights. Nobody ever even looked twice at me.

I was having trouble figuring out what to get my aunt and uncle. They were suddenly a big part of my life -- Teresa, too -- and I didn't feel like I could give them sort of random presents. "You know, I don't really know what your parents like. I mean, I've always just gotten your dad a tie and your mom something for the kitchen, but now that I think of it, that makes it sound like I'd gone to a store and grabbed the first thing I saw on the 'for Mom' and 'for Dad' tables."

"You know Dad likes to cook, even if he doesn't do it that often. Um... He likes classical music. No, rennaisance music, really. You know, before Bach. But I don't know what he has, if you're not careful, you'd probably get him something he already has. Oh, I know! He likes Legos. It's kind of a secret vice, he doesn't want anyone outside the family to know. I think it's cool, but he's afraid other people will think he's immature.

"I don't know about Mom. I usually get her a scarf or a blouse, but that would be hard for you. She also likes books. She's got all of Jane Austin's books, she majored in English in college."

Teresa had gotten her Dad a T-shirt that said, "Champion Beer Drinker." I think that was some kind of in-joke, because she also got him some flower bulbs. I don't remember what kind, but they must have been the kind you can plant in the winter. She was going to buy another blouse, but then found a necklace. After that we went to one of the toy stores where I got her dad a Lego railroad car, and then to the bookstore. I must have spent an hour looking for stuff I thought an English major might like. I finally settled on Little Women, and just hoped she didn't already have it. I wasn't sure I wanted to think about why I wanted that book to be her gift from me.

We wandered around a little longer to see if there was anything that jumped out at us as being just right for someone. At the last store, a poster shop, Teresa ran into a friend of hers.

"Hi, Teresa! Long time no see."

"Hi, Carol. This is my cousin Martin. Martin, this is my BFF Carol Vanderbrook."

I could see her trying to figure it out. "Is Martin a girl's name now?" she asked.

"It's a long story. If I tell it to you, you've got to promise to keep it secret, at least for now."

"It won't be much of a secret if you tell it at the mall. Can I come over? I'm almost done shopping. If I can ride with you, I'll tell my mom. And then you can tell me."

Teresa looked at me. I shrugged. "Sure," she said. "My dad's picking us up at 3:00."

So Carol called her parents and said she'd be going over to Teresa's, and Teresa called her dad to ask if it was okay for Carol to come over. ("It always is," she said.) My uncle drove us home and fed us hot chocolate. Then the three of us ended up in Teresa's room. She told the story of the motorcycle accident, the mix-up at the hospital, and mentioned the crap I was going through at school.

"I was saying, he might find it easier to pass as a girl. He's still thinking about it."

"She -- I mean he -- did a good job of fooling me. Is your body really -- I mean, is everything --"

"Yes, I look like a girl under my clothes. I mean, I haven't seen a lot of naked girls, but from the pictures I've seen, yeah, you'd probably never guess I used to be a boy. And Teresa is right," I sighed, "it'll probably be easier if at least sometimes, I just let people think I'm a girl. I'm sure the salespeople at the mall thought I was. I'm still not ready to do it with people who know me."

"We're still working on a name," Teresa continued. "He doesn't like 'Martina,' because the kids at school tease him with that. And I don't think he looks like a Martina, anyway."

"How about Melanie?" Carol suggested. "It also starts with M, and it's nice and smooth."

We batted around a few other names, like "Michelle" and "Moira," but I didn't like any of them as much as Melanie.

"Melanie it is, then," pronounced Teresa.

We listend to a CD. Carol asked, "was it tough, suddenly finding out you were going to be transformed into a girl?"

"You have no idea."

"Probably not. I imagine it would turn me upside down. I don't know what I'd do if I found out I was going to turn into a boy. I mean, there's nothing wrong with being a boy, but I'm happy as a girl."

Teresa and Carol started talking about mutual friends, and I just leaned against the wall, eventually stretching out on the carpet. It was nice and friendly and I enjoyed just being around people who accepted me and weren't being mean to me. Teresa started stroking my hair while they talked. It felt a little weird, but it was nice. Eventually, my aunt called us down to dinner. I don't remember what we said or did, just that I felt relaxed and at home in a way I hadn't felt in who knows how long. My uncle drove Carol and me home, and when Carol got out, she said, "goodbye, Melanie." It took me a second to realize she was talking about me. It felt kinda weird, but also kinda nice, like she was accepting me -- maybe more than I was accepting myself. It left me with a glow that lasted all the way home, and maybe even a little afterwards.