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CHAPTER 3 -- Something's Not Right
It was in the boys' shower that it started. Tom Prescott, one of the football players and a ringleader of the jock clique, was pointing at my penis, when he shouted, "hey, what's with your dick? It looks like a little boy's dick. Hey, little boy, whacha doin' in high school?" I did my best to ignore him, but that night I looked in the mirror for the first time. My penis was about half its usual length and smaller around, too. My scrotum was shrunk and pinning my balls to my crotch. I also noticed that my nipples were sore.
I started worrying that puberty was throwing some new humiliation my way, then I started worrying that I was worrying for nothing. I actually started measuring it. To my distress, a week later, it was a half an inch shorter. I couldn't even stretch it to the length it was a week earlier. I thought about asking my father about it, but I couldn't imagine him coming back with anything but one of those idiotic man-to-man platitudes. I thought about my mother, but she was uncomfortable with anything that reminded her that I was male. She had trouble even washing my underwear.
I was still seeing the neurologist every two weeks, so I brought my measurements to my next appointment. At first, he thought it was just some adolescent thing, but I insisted he examine me. When he did, he said, "I think we need a second opinion." He gave me a very thorough examination, including blood tests, and set up an appointment with a colleague before he let me go.
It was October by then. Every week, I got sent to a different specialist, each one more eminent than the last, and each one did a thorough exam. The third one noticed that I was a few inches shorter than at my first exam. The fourth one noticed that my nipples were enlarged and my chest had started to develop breasts. By then, my penis was so short that I had to sit to pee, and my scrotum had flattened into my crotch. I had no idea what had happened to my balls. I started wrapping my chest with several ace bandages to flatten the breasts out, but it made the nipples hurt and I started getting backaches.
The fourth doctor didn't set up another appointment. "I have a few ideas, but I'm not ready to say anything yet. I'll have someone call you." Four days later, yet another doctor called -- in person, not through a receptionist -- and asked my parents and me to come in.
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Comments
Length
I'm sorry, you should have at least 1,500-1,600 words before you post. Even 1,200 words would be an improvement. I can't give you a thumbs up or a story comment, I haven't seen the story yet.
EDIT: Changed the numbers "15,000-16,000" to what I thought I wrote: 1,500-1,600 words.
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
harsh
I can appreciate the want of longer chapters but it seems the author is getting a bit too much of a trouncing for failing to post long enough chapters as deemed by other writers. I just say bravo for this author being brave enough to write and post. The grammar and punctuation is better than many other writers on BC. Do we know why this writer chooses to only post short chapters? I don't and doubt others who are being critical do either. Maybe there is a time limit they can be online or they're paying at an Internet cafe. Maybe they have a visual deficit and it is all they can do to write 4-500 words at a time.
Many writers on BC regularly only post 12-1500 words in each chapte i.e. Angharad on her Bike story but yet it is one of longest running and most popular stories here.
I'm not criticizing writers commenting about this story. What I am trying to do is point out how harsh the comments sound. Let's encourage and support new writers. Not scare them off due to their failure to reach our desired standards of what is acceptable for how a story should be written.
Dahlia
One Point
I was off on the word count, added an extra 0. That was an error between brain and fingers.
I do know it was already brought up, and not answered. If the writer doesn't care to answer that's their business, I'm not going to try and chase the writer down. I brought it up in a nonthreatening way. You may think it harsh but it is valid comment on what has been posted so far.
Things lose context when they are put down in black and white. Don't automatically assume that any non-praising comment is intended to do anything more sinister than point out something the writer might should consider. What the writer chooses to do is their prerogative. I've not threatened to do anything if things don't change.
You are so quick to assume, how about assuming that you and I have the same intention, to give some guidance to a new writer. Meaningless, mindless praise has very little practical effect, where pointing out a potential problem helps the new writer to grow.
An author I know on BC had her early efforts savaged by some of the more experienced writers here on BC. She wanted to try something different but learned not only was it not different it was also bad writing. She went back and rewrote her first chapters and they received a very nice welcome. The point is some of the comments, by some of BC's leading lights, would have been considered harsh. But if they hadn't been made, she wouldn't have had a chance to learn and grow.
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
The length of the chapters is fine.
So is the story.
I'm glad I found this story. I'm glad you wrote it.
I happen to like the story it
I happen to like the story it may be coming at a slower pace but at least we don't have to wait a year or more for the next installment like some stories. give the writer a break no one likes to hear constant criticism
And it helps?
Nobody is perfect, nobody writes the Great American Novel straight out of the gate. Nobody likes to hear criticism either. Calling it "constant" criticism is a bit melodramatic, it is hardly constant. The same critique, by two different people, on two different posts, is hardly "constant".
Did you learn to drive by hopping behind the wheel and driving around until you quit running into things? Probably not. If you were lucky enough to be able to take Driver's Ed you learned then went out to practice what you learned in a car. And your instructor and anybody else in the car criticized your efforts, telling you what you did wrong. You likely took note of what they said and tried to change/improve what you were doing. Had your instructor offered up nothing but polite praise would you have learned as quickly? We had a student that didn't learn, he wrecked both DE cars before he was failed out of the class.
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
Well, the chapter may be
Well, the chapter may be short, but I found it drew me in to the point I am waiting for the next one to see what the new visiting doctor is going to tell him/her. And that is what I believe a good story is meant to do, draw in the reader(s) and leave them wanting more.